


Wrapped In Wool

by anarchycox



Series: Knitter Eggsy Universe [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Knitting Circle, Bors blows things up, Did you think Kingsman would stay the same under Harry's rule?, Eggsy takes care of the people he loves, Fluff, Multi, Percival is patient, Pet POV, Roxy is a Little Shit, Secret hobbies, True Love, absurdity, super fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2018-04-13 11:25:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 124
Words: 200,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4520088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy picked up a hobby when he was 10. He keeps it a secret for years. But can't stop himself from taking care of those around him.</p><p>This is where you start the series. Read the first 20-23 chapters of this before touching the other stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This just sort of popped in my head, but I can totally picture it.

When Eggsy was ten, he might've broken a neighbour's window. He didn't mean to or nothing, but his throw to Jamal went wide and they all heard the crack and shatter. And of course it weren't the window of that arsehole who called them names or that bully two years above them. No, course not. It was nice Mrs. Jameson who baked the kids cookies and would slip you a pound for helping her carry her groceries. One time at Christmas she had slipped him five and he bought his mum an actual Christmas gift. And now he was dead.

He told Jamal to beat it, his ball, he'd take the trouble. Eggsy went and got his mom. Who was furious, they didn't have the money to pay for that kind of replacement. She gave him a light smack on the head and said he wasn't playing with Jamal for two whole weeks.

"That's bullshit that is." Eggsy slipped out. Another smack and three weeks now. Michelle marched Eggsy to Mrs. Jameson's door. She opened it and smiled at them.

"Well, I guess I know who the culprit is." She let them in and gave them tea. She explained that she had a grandnephew who could fix it up as smooth as could be. She always had a cousin or a nephew or a lad she knew. Eggsy thought she might be a witch, or with the mafia.

"Eggsy needs to make this right." Michelle said, "Only we can't exactly." Michelle didn't really finish the sentence.

"With fall settling in, my bones are getting creaky. I could use some help around the old place. Let's say after school 2 times a week and then a few hours on Sunday for a month." Mrs. Jameson nudged another cookie in Eggsy's direction. 

He was going to complain but a glare from his mum stopped him. "Sounds good ma'am." was garbled around a mouth full of cookie.

For the first two weeks Eggsy, cleaned and mopped and reorganized cupboards. She really didn't have a lot of work for him, and Eggsy realized she just liked the company. And she always had her hands busy, knitting scarves, endless scarves. And then one day he noticed her working on something different.

"What's that then?" He saw peering at her hands and the magazine on her knee. She patted the couch beside her and Eggsy looked down.

"One of my great-nephews complained that he likes to play outside all winter, but mittens are useless for catching anything or doing anything." Mrs. Jameson tilted the pattern so Eggsy could see better. "These are mittens where the top folds back so that your fingers can be free. Or here," she flipped a page, "You can just make fingerless mittens."

"That's brilliant!" Eggsy grinned. "Can you make me and Jamal pairs?" Eggsy tried for his most charming smile.

"No." Mrs. Jameson smiled back, "But you can."

"Wot?" Eggsy laughed, "That's girl shite." 

"Well, guess you should go clean my toilet then." She said mildly. Eggsy thought of the old woman smell in the bathroom and looked at the cool gloves. 

"Okay show me." Eggsy stuck out his chin.

The first pair came out horrible. And the second not much better. But when he gave a pair to Jamal, he thought they were great. And Eggsy felt good. His sentence was long over but he kept going to Mrs. Jameson's house once a week, 'to help her out' Michelle thought this was very nice of him, and she didn't object to not having him around for a few hours that's for sure.

And when she got a lopsided scarf for her birthday, that Eggsy just happened to find in her favourite colour in some charity shop somewhere she smiled and kissed his head.

He never kept the knitting stuff in his house, still a little embarrassed by it. And when Dean entered the picture, he definitely didn't keep any of it around. Luckily Dean wasn't the observant sort so didn't notice how nice the hats and scarves Michelle and Eggsy wore.

And when he was 17, a strange man stop by their door. Mrs. Jameson had passed away in her sleep. Dean asked what did they care? And the man explained that he needed to talk to Eggsy. Eggsy walked out with him. Mrs. Jameson had left a detailed will and in it she had said that Eggsy was to get all her knitting supplies, including her handcrafted and antique needles. Eggsy didn't want to admit how sad he was at the loss of the old bird. "I can't takes the yarn, Dean'll notice and kill me. But Jamal can hide the sticks for me." Eggsy said. Eggsy told the man where to drop the stuff of at. "My aunt also instructed to give you 100 pounds for all the work you did for her over the years, mainly as a way to distract Dean from asking questions." Eggsy laughed. She had always been a smart one.

Sure enough Dean accepted the story and the money. Michelle tried to protest but didn't try very hard.

And no new hats or gloves showed up for a long while. Eggsy just couldn't touch the needles without feeling sad.

Only Michelle got pregnant. And Eggsy fell in love with his little sister. And Dean asked where the blankets and sweaters and baby hats came from, Michelle would just say gifts from her girlfriends or charity shops.

And then one day Eggsy said "Oxfords not Brogues" into a phone.

Eggsy still couldn't understand that he saved the world. That he and Rox and Merlin had saved the fucking world. He was so bouncy and jittery and when they got back to London and debriefed he was told to take it easy. Only he couldn't. He wound his way through the city, tried not to see the damage, the loss. He found a craft shop, front door broken and no one inside. He grabbed a pile of needles and yarn and left some money on the counter. He settled into Harry's office and let his mind wander as he fingers did the work. When he paid attention again there was a meter of scarf dripping from the needles. He went up to a bed, Harry's bed, and slept for 36 hours.

Eggsy moved Michelle and Daisy to a new place provided by the Kingsman. He stayed at Harry's and was given the code name Galahad. He made a dead man bunny slippers, wonder if he would have ever worn them.

The Kingsman started to find new items in their packs. Percival had the thinnest of silk fingerless gloves so that he could still use his sniper rifle and stay warm. He thanked Merlin for them profusely. Merlin had no idea what he was talking about but didn't say anything.

Roxy had a formal ball to go to and found a gossamer shawl that looked like butterfly wings. She almost cried with how beautiful it was.

The infirmary had all new handcrafted blankets for injured Kingsman to snuggle under.

Everyone kept thanking Merlin for the new gifts, and he kept swearing up and down that he had nothing to do with it. Of course no one believed him.

And Eggsy smiled just a little whenever he saw a fellow agent using something he made them.

And when Harry was found alive and came back and made Arthur, Eggsy moved out, stayed in headquarters for awhile. Only one night at 3am he couldn't sleep and wandered around and saw a light under Arthur's door. He peeked in and saw Harry asleep on the couch. Wearing the bunny slippers. Eggsy wrapped him in a blanket.

The biggest problem for Eggsy was he could never figure out what to make Merlin. He went through all the online databases and searched his secret stash of books, but nothing ever felt right. He thought a nice skull cap, to keep his head warm, but even on the coldest day, when training new recruits, he wasn't wearing one. Merlin didn't seem like a scarf guy, and sure as hell didn't need bunny slippers. He made a throw that had Gaelic style knots all over it and put it on the comfy chair in the corner of Merlin's office but it never moved. Eggsy was getting frustrated.

So he started to spend more time bugging Merlin, to get to know the guy. When he was in town, he hung out in the guy's office, ended up learning a good bit about being a handler, even worked the comms for Roxy once or twice. He helped Merlin with the new recruits, kicking their ass when need be. They ended up playing chess in the middle of the night, sparring when Eggsy was restless. 

When Eggsy was on missions and had Merlin in his ear, they talked music, movies, anything that came into his head.

And one time when on a honeypot, Merlin just kept talking in his ear, and it was all Eggsy could do to not call out his name.

This went on for three months and Eggsy still didn't know what to make the guy. Every agent got homemade socks in their favourite colours and Bors got these little pockets that he realized were grenade cushions. He ran through the building praising them, talking about how wonderful they were. He came into Merlin's office and hugged the man, thanking him yet again for an item that Merlin had nothing to do with. But Bors ran out before Merlin could explain. Only this time Merlin caught the small smile on Eggsy's face.

The next time Eggsy was gone for a few days, Merlin checked all the security cameras and saw Eggsy sneaking around, slipping handmade stuff into people's kits, into the infirmary. He tracked Eggsy around London and found CCTV footage of him knitting at bars, at cafes. Even meeting up with a group occasionally. Saw footage of Eggsy wrapping up Daisy in a pretty pink scarf with sparkles.

Eggsy returned from the mission with a broken ankle and concussion. He woke up under one of the blankets he made and with Merlin at his side.

They debriefed from the mission and Merlin got up to leave. Before he did though, he plunked a bag into Eggsy's lap. 

Eggsy opened it to find his stash. He flushed and couldn't look at Merlin, waited to be teased.

"I'm actually a little offended lad, everyone else has gotten something and I haven't?" Merlin grinned his shark like smile, "Do ye not like me lad? I mean you made Bors grenade cozies."

Eggsy pouted, "Been trying to figure out for months the right thing for you haven't I? Been bugging you to figure out what was perfect."

"Maybe you just need to see me in a different light?" Merlin suggested. He waited for Eggsy to catch on.

Eggsy slowly smiled as he indeed did catch on, "Maybe guv, yeah that sounds right."

The day medical let him out with a walking cast, Merlin took Eggsy to his favourite restaurant.

6 month later everyone knew that Eggsy was the one making them stuff. They all tried to make subtle requests and bribes. Eggsy had made up a striped pattern as the official Kingsman scarf for all the agents, with Harry and Merlin getting something slightly different to signal their positions as Arthur and Merlin. He made Harry an eye patch that had a skull and cross bones on it which Harry swore was tacky, but he wore in the office when he thought no one was around.

Still nothing for Merlin though.

Until the one day Merlin walked into his office and saw a box sitting on his desk. He opened it slowly and pulled out the incredibly soft olive coloured sweater. He quickly ripped off the one he was wearing and slid it over his head. It fit perfectly. Merlin couldn't stop touching the sleeves.

Eggsy walked in and saw Merlin wearing it. Eggsy had his happy, I've taken care of the people I love smile on. Merlin adored kissing that smile.

"So you figured it out then lad?" Merlin asked.

"Sure, just took awhile to realize I wanted to make a boyfriend sweater." Eggsy grinned, "The girls in my knitting group said it's cursed to make one of those before y'got a ring on your finger, but thought I'd take the chance anyways. Always been the brave sort."

Merlin kissed Eggsy again and thought about the ring he had been carrying around for a few weeks. Seemed like tonight would be the night he did something with it.

 


	2. proposing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ask and ye shall receive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, I had no intentions of adding to this, but then someone commented that they would cry if there wasn't a proposal scene. And I was iffy on it. Until I came up with a neat little twist and then had to add it.
> 
> Warning the fluff levels here are ridiculously high.

It had taken Merlin a month to design the ring and have it made by R&D. It was titanium and had celtic knots carved into it (the pattern similar to the blanket that Eggsy had made for Merlin's office). It had a breakaway point so that if Eggsy's finger got stuck the ring would separate and not cause a break of even a loss of the finger. There were small stones embedded in, one of which could function as a tracker and another could cut through glass. All in all Merlin was quite pleased with the final product. Elegant and practical, two things he greatly appreciated.

Now he just had to figure out how to give it to the lad.

And therein lay the problem. Merlin couldn't figure out how to propose how to Eggsy. 

He had had relationships before Eggsy, you didn't get to middle age without them. But only a couple had ever grown this serious and the one turned out to be a foreign spy that he had to kill and the other had just fallen apart, the person not being able to live with Merlin's job. Merlin had been alone for the last few years.

But then Eggsy came in as Harry's recruit all bravado and brashness and a desire to be good, to have this matter. And Merlin noticed him. And watched him save the world. And noticed him some more.

Then Eggsy started to spend more time with him and Merlin couldn't quite figure out why. But then he realized that the why didn't matter he was just happy to have the lad there. And Merlin fell for him, just a bit.

He fell all the way when he realized that Eggsy was responsible for all the knitted items that had been showing up for the Kingsman.

And now he had a ring and a question and no idea how to approach it.

Merlin knew a straightforward Marry Me Eggsy would work, but he thought the lad deserve a bit of pomp around the whole thing.

He thought about at a fancy dinner out, but Merlin didn't like the idea of making a show of emotion like that. Harry would call it ungentlemanly, he guessed.

Merlin actually approached Harry for advice but the man was wearing his pirate eye patch and had had maybe a scotch or two in order to combat the paperwork. He may have said, "Are ye hear to ask for the Lad's hand in marriage then?" in a horrible pirate accent. Merlin walked out and resolved to never ask their leader for advice again.

He approached Lancelot, knowing that she was Eggsy's best friend. Her advice was just to ask, that Eggsy wouldn't care of the way of it.

Merlin decided he didn't need help. Unfortunately the rest of the Kingsman caught wind of his plans and offered their opinions.

"Over the comms during a mission," was Bors suggestion. "Gunfire is surprisingly romantic." 

"After a lovely picnic." One of the nurses suggested.

"Just bloody ask him already," was Percival's opinion. "I'm next up in the betting pool date wise."

Merlin put the ring in a box in his underwear drawer and decided to forget the whole thing.

Until Eggsy made him the beautiful sweater that fit perfectly, and made the joke about the boyfriend sweater curse. Merlin could feel all the love and care that went into making it, the softness of the yarn used. And he finally came up with an idea.

Eggsy was on a quick mission to Paris. Merlin was on a quick mission to Eggsy's favourite wool shop.

The bell tinkled over the door and classical music was playing. The walls were just a sea of colour and texture and there was a group all together at the back. A woman in an alarming but well crafted cat sweater came up to him, "Can I help you dear?" Every person in the shop was watching him.

"I hope so." Merlin's burr was especially strong due to his nerves. "My boyfriend shops here and is away on business and I wanted to by him a treat. Eggsy? He's -"

The woman was beaming, "Oh he's your boyfriend? He's so sweet and so talented."

"Aye, he is. Everyone in the office is quite thankful for the items he's gifted them with."

The woman looked him up and down and raised a brow, "And that sweater he made?" The others at the back giggled. Merlin wished he had a gun on him.

"Is a most treasured item." Merlin tried to sound charming, he thought he succeeded. 

"Now then, do you know what you are looking for?" The clerk pulled him deeper into the store.

"Um...no." Merlin admitted. "I looked through his stash but nothing had labels and were all in these little balls."

"Yarn cakes. He winds and balls all his yarn here and puts the labels into his workbook." The woman explained. She pulled him over to a display, "Now this is the yarn that he's been buying a lot of recently, a good all purpose wool, soft on the hand but sturdy." Merlin tried to nod knowingly.

The clerk just patted his shoulder and steered him to another, smaller collection, "Now this, this is what you want. Every time he comes in he looks at this yarn and fawns over it but considers it too much a splurge for his skill level. We've tried to explain to him that he is a skilled craftsman but he just won't listen. But if someone were to perhaps buy him a few skeins of it, I bet he'd be most appreciative." Merlin swore he didn't blush as the woman nudged him and winked.

He looked at the colours and saw a beautiful dark blue, a smoky grey, a rich green and couldn't decide. He grabbed two skeins of each and handed them to the woman. "This will do yes?" Merlin asked.

"Oh my yes. I'll even give you Eggsy's discount." The woman rung him out and Merlin's heart didn't stop at the 150 pounds. But the yarn looked like coils and he wanted to sneak it all into Eggsy's box. 

"How do I make those -" He forgot the term.

"Yarn cakes?" Merlin nodded. "Come along." The clerk showed him how to use the swift and winder.

Merlin wound two of the balls and then decided to ask for help. "I want to hide this in the middle of one." And Merlin held out the ring. Every woman in the place cooed. 

But Merlin got the ring in place. Once home he slipped the yarn into Eggsy's box and just had to sit back and wait.

 

But of course Eggsy didn't find the new yarn right away, he had four projects on the go already and was working on them hard. He wondered why the women in his group kept looking at his hands and frowning and asking after the boyfriend before snickering and nudging each other.

He might have wondered why Merlin was asking more about his yarn stash and current projects than usual but just sort of ignored it.

Then he finished up his projects for other people and just wanted to make himself something. He was trolling through his box and found yarn he knew he hadn't bought. He sank his fingers into the balls sighing in pleasure at the feel of the silk alpaca blend. And holy shit, there were six balls of the stuff weren't there, in his favourite colours. Eggsy couldn't stop himself from running downstairs to where Merlin was watching football. He dropped himself in Merlin's lap and snogged the breath out of him.

"I take it ye finally found the yarn then." Merlin smiled. Eggsy almost missed the glance to his hands but did see it.

"I did. And that explains why all the girls have been asking after you. That's right sneaky that is. Proper spy stuff." Eggsy teased. He snuggled into Merlin, "Thanks guv. That stuffs the shit."

"So I was told. Did magic elves or fairies make it? It costs a fortune." Merlin teased.

"I know right?" Eggsy laughed, "I think they shaved a unicorn or such for it."

"What are you going to make?" Merlin asked.

"Dunno," Eggsy smiled a little, "Fingerless mittens I think. They're the first thing I learned how to make." But Eggsy didn't go back up to the yarn, just stayed snuggled in Merlin's lap.

 

A couple weeks after that Merlin had to call Eggsy in for a mission debrief. He could hear people out in the hall loudly shouting and proclaiming joy but he ignored it, checking to make sure that all of Eggsy's paperwork matched his fake i.d.

"Galahad, so pleased you could join us." Merlin began not even looking up.

"Sorry, people kept stopping me," Eggsy said easily. "Think they like my new look."

At this Merlin looked up, "Oh and what 'new' look is that?" He sounded unimpressed.

Eggsy grinned and held up his hands, "Well I finished those fingerless mittens I talked about, thought I'd wear them - show 'em off all proper like." The mittens were beautiful and the green yarn perfectly matched the stones in the ring on Eggsy's finger.

Merlin smiled, pleased, and got back to the mission briefing.

Harry's smile was even larger - he had won the betting pool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I'm on tumblr as dennyismydestiel come on over and say hi! also if you have any specific prompts that you'd love to see for knitter Eggsy drop it here or over on tumblr and i'll consider it. Thanks for reading.


	3. Percival Pays Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: you've already said that after the kingsman find out about eggsy's knitting skills, they start to try to bribe him and give him requests. My prompt is that eggsy has one absolutely ridiculous weakness (you decide what) and Percival is the only one who has figured it out. So eggsy ends up making Percival a bunch of things he's requested and it drives the other knights nuts because eggsy keeps refusing them, and when they confront Percival he refuses to tell them. Eventually he tells roxy who immediately goes to bribe eggsy who tells her "how dare you use my greatest weakness against me" but still makes stuff for her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder that if you have any prompts for knitter Eggsy you can either leave a comment here or on my tumblr dennyismydestiel.tumblr.com

All the kingsman had received socks (except for Bors who had grenade cozies), kingsman scarves, and the gifts they had before they all knew that Eggsy was the one to make the stuff. They all had appreciated the new blankets in the infirmary and all had enjoyed the sight of Harry walking around in his bunny slippers. They were all jealous of the gorgeous sweater that Merlin had, but they knew that a boyfriend thing.

Still, they had become accustomed to the sneaked in gifts but those had trickled off as Eggsy was busy making winter sweaters and gear for his mum and sister. So subtle hints were dropped about how much the socks were loved, how they all wanted fingerless gloves like what Percival had gotten. 

Eggsy smiled and thanked everyone for their praise but between missions, family, and boyfriend his time was limited. More than one Kingsman went to Merlin and Harry to get Eggsy sent on less missions but those requests were all ignored. Even trying to explain that Eggsy home would mean more sex for Merlin didn't help - in fact it sent that agent to the Australian wilds. Do you know how many things can kill you there?

Bors put a case of Newcastle beer in Eggsy's locker. Eggsy just shared it with everyone and said sorry mate, just don't have the time.

Football tickets were offered by Kay but Eggsy was sent on a mission.

Roxy took Michelle and Daisy out for a girl's spa day and all that got her was a kiss on the cheek and Eggsy's eternal gratitude and not the pretty little shrug that she had sent the pattern of to Eggsy.

Harry even tried to bribe him with more Kingsman toys and everyone was sure that would pay off. No way would Eggsy deny Harry, but Eggsy just laughed and said sorry sir, but I'm just too busy to make you another dozen eye patches that match your suits.

At this point it was a game for Eggsy, to see all the agents tripping over themselves trying to bribe more knit wear out of Eggsy. 

But Percival just watched. He was a sniper and had more patience than the rest of the Kingsman put together. For months he just watched Eggsy and his routine and then one day he looked at Eggsy's hands and figured it out. He left a small brown bag inside Eggsy's locker.

Three pairs of the silk fingerless gloves were delivered to Percival within a month.

Everyone was jealous. There was even pouting. Actual grown men, the most dangerous men in the world pouting.

There might have even been tears in Kay's eyes when in the library he walked in and saw Percival's feet up and showing his Ravenclaw striped socks peeking out from his trouser leg.

But every three months a small brown bag appeared in Eggsy's stuff and Percival received new hats, gloves, scarves, socks, and a messenger bag. 

Percival was a gentleman so he didn't lord it over the other Kingsman. Too much. But he regularly walked around the estate in all his finery. And refused to give up his secret.

Eggsy and Roxy were sent on a joint extraction mission inside the borders of China.

Of course it went all sideways and Roxy got shot.

It was a through and through and she would be fine, but it was bleeding a little and she had no problems playing it to her advantage.

"Galahad," even in pain, Roxy wouldn't break cover while on a mission, "Galahad I'm dying."

"No you ain't." Eggsy was staunching the wound as they were driven off in the back of a truck. "You'll get fixed up right proper."

"No," she whimpered, only faking a little, "I'm bleeding out, the pain is so much. Too much Eggsy. I can see a white light."

"Come on, it's going to be okay, we're almost at the plane." Eggsy was sure it wasn't that bad a wound but he was starting to get worried.

"Before I die, please dear friend, tell me just one thing." Roxy winced and made a tear fall.

"Anything, anything if it will keep you here." Eggsy willed the truck to move faster.

"What does Percival know that gets him all the awesome knitted stuff." Roxy's voice was cold and lacking all the pain markers that had been in it.

"He found out about the hand cream I use. Knitting especially in winter my fingers and joints get sore, skin cracks. He buys me this like hundred pound hand cream, keeps my fingers smooth and nice." Eggsy answered automatically.

They got to the plane and Roxy was fixed up. She only had to stay in the infirmary for a few days.

And then Eggsy found a second brown bag in his locker. Stabled to it was that pattern for the shrug he had ignored before.

He stormed through the estate searching for her. He found her doing p.t. in the gym. "Vile betrayer!" He yelled.

Roxy smiled, "I want it in sky blue or everyone finds out."

Eggsy shook a fist, "Cruel woman, using my kyptronite like that. I trusted you with my life, my soul and this is how you repay me? God strike me down now!" 

Roxy snorted at the dramatics. She walked over and kissed his cheek, "Can you add silver beads along the edge?"

"O'course." Eggsy said, offended that she'd even question his skills.

Roxy wore the shrug to the next big meeting.

Harry had to create an official Eggsy knitting policy and schedule for the revolt that happened.

But Percival and Roxy still got a little extra sneaked to them.


	4. The Knitting Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 times Eggsy's knitting group pretended to be dangerous and the 1 time they actually were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have a prompt for this, it just came into my head. But trust me - a good and proper knitting group will defend you to the death and frankly are scary as fuck (side note I really miss my old Minneapolis knitting group)

Eggsy knows that in his old neighbourhood he'd catch hell for his knitting group but he didn't care. He loved meeting the birds on Sunday morning for coffee when he was in town. A couple of the older ones reminded him of Mrs. Jameson, and Mrs Carson who own the wool shop was always bringing them yarn samples and new patterns and a couple of the girls were closer to his own age and proper cool. He didn't care did he that he was the youngest and the only guy, they all treated him great, adored Daisy when he brought her along, never treated his mum like trash.

He liked Sunday morning coffee with them where it wasn't about saving the world or who's being stupid in the estate, it was did you watch Corrie this week and I tried a new recipe and did you see that horrendous pattern? It was kitchen gossip and helpful tips and let Eggsy forget for a couple hours that he was a stone cold killer.

He and the younger girls even sometimes met for a pint with their wool on a Thursday night to swap gossip of a different sort. Eggsy's learned more about corsetting than he thought he ever would - but it's kind of cool isn't it.

And plus Eggsy thought the women were all a little adorable. They thought they were so tough and he just loved to listen to them.

 

1.

"You know if that gentleman just continues to let his dog go just anywhere, I think I'll have to do something about it. Never picks up after him, not once." Mrs. Smythe complained one Sunday morning.

"Doris, you should report him. That's just rude." Mrs Carson said over her tea. "Responsible pet ownership is the mark of a gentleman. Look at how Eggsy takes care of JB." They all looked down at JB asleep on Eggsy's feet.

"I swear, if I hadn't just had my hip surgery, I'd show him a thing or two." Doris, Mrs. Smythe, said firmly. All the women in the group nodded seriously. Eggsy tried to hide a smile.

Eggsy had Merlin make a couple calls and the man in question found that all his walks were shadowed by a by-law officer. After the 7th ticket the guy started to clean up after his dog.

 

2.

"Oi, asshole I said I'm busy didn't I?" Sarah glared at the guy who kept bugging her at the bar. Eggsy was late to meet her and Liz for their Thursday night pub knit.

"Come on luv, let me buy you a drink." The guy in the cheap suit said trying for charming.

"Look, jackass, I'm meeting people and don't got time for losers like you. Now piss off before I get mad and kick your arse." Sarah's pink curls were swinging as she was shaking in rage. She topped out at 5 foot 1 inch if she stretched.

Eggsy just moved up quietly behind her and shook his head at the guy and showed the edge of his gun.

The guy held up his hands, "You aren't worth it anyways." The guy said to Sarah as he walked away.

"That's right you better go before I show you whose boss." Sarah muttered as she through a shot back.

Eggsy smiled to himself a little. "Hey Sarah!"

She turned and saw Eggsy and grinned.

 

3.

"Are you all packed for your trip Patience?" Doris asked working on a ring shawl.

"Almost, it's just reading the restrictions of what you can and can't bring on a plane is a nightmare,so confusing." Mrs. Carson replied.

Liz worked her crochet hook through the back of her yarn trying to learn crocheted cables, "I think it's so sweet that your husband is taking you to the place you had your honeymoon at for your 30th anniversary." She stuck her tongue out a little as she worked, "What are the problems with the restrictions? I thought you could bring knitting needles on planes again?"

"Oh yes, but you know I'm working on that large shawl and they said circulars of thirty inches or longer are not allowed."

Everyone around the table paused and thought about it for awhile.

Finally it was Mrs. Blackwell, only a little younger than Doris who said, "Well I suppose you could strangle someone with that, but really you'd just be better off stabbing with a metal needle than worrying about garroting the person."

Doris agreed, "Strangling is much harder than people think. Stabbing with the needle would be easier." She looked at Liz and teased, "See this is why you need to learn how to knit, crochet hooks are useless as weapons."

Liz finished the pass on the cable, "Can take an eyeball out just as easy with a hook as a needle."

"But so messy. A nice neat stab wound any day." Doris said. "Oooh, I tried a new quiche recipe, simply delightful."

Eggsy giggled to himself at the thought of his ladies killing someone with knitting needles.

 

4.

Daisy was so excited that she was with Eggsy - she loved his knitting group. They bought her hot chocolate and three cookies, despite Eggsy's protests and Mrs Carson was teaching her finger knitting and Sarah said Daisy could play with her hair afterwards. 

Eggsy loved his little sister having so many good role models to learn from.

When Daisy's little fingers got tired she put the yarn down and played with the crocheted animals Liz had made for her. She wasn't really paying attention to the conversation.

"That supplier tried to take me for a ride, suggested that the wholesale costs of the yarn were going up by 20% this year, 20%." Mrs Carson said.

Sarah glared a little, "No way, he's trying to con you. I can talk to a lawyer at my office if you like." Sarah was a paralegal and had most of the office wrapped around her finger.

"No dear, I set him to rights. I gave him a stern talking to for trying to pull a fast one." Mrs. Carson nodded emphatically.

"Good for you, hope you then called the manager." Mrs. Blackwell chimed in.

"Of course I did, told them as much as I love their product, I'd be taking my business elsewhere." Mrs. Carson sniffed, "As if I don't keep close track of the pricing. Called other shop owners too, let them know what was happening."

Eggsy wondered just how stern a talking to from Mrs. Carson would be, did she even wag a finger while on the phone.

 

5.

Sarah and Liz looked at each other and then Eggsy. Mrs. Carson brought Eggsy a nice hot chocolate from the kettle she kept at the back of the shop. Mrs. Blackwell put a tart in front of him, and Mrs. Smythe patted his shoulder. Eggsy had told them he wasn't really up to the coffee shop this week and he might miss it, but Mrs. Carson insisted and they all met at her shop.

Eggsy walked in with shadows under his eyes and a frown on his face. They all went into comforting mode.

30 minutes in after all of them looking at each other, Doris was the one to ask, "Everything okay, dearie?"

"Yeah, m'fine." Eggsy said. He dropped another stitch and just put his yarn down.

Mrs Carson tried to be delicate, "I know your job is...stressful. Did something go wrong on your latest business trip?" Not a woman among them believed that Eggsy was an assistant at a tailor's shop, but they all loved him enough to keep their mouths shut. Knitting group code. You kept quiet more than any fight club.

"No, business is fine."

Liz stared at Eggsy, "What did your guy do?"

All the women's eyes were drilling into Eggsy.

"It's nothing." Eggsy tried to say.

"Bullshit." Sarah said. All the women nodded.

"We just had a bit of a dust up last night. Went to bed mad. When I woke up this morning he wasn't there." 

"Oh Eggsy." All of them said almost as one. Sarah hugged him.

"Want us to beat him up?" Liz asked. 

"Indeed, he should know better than to upset our Eggsy." Doris said firmly. 

"Quite right. Quite right." Mrs Blackwell said.

"See if he gets a discount ever again." Mrs Carson said darkly.

Eggsy sniffled a little at all the support. He picked up his yarn again as they all switched the topic.

An hour later the door chimed and in walked Merlin.

Before Eggsy could stand, all the women stepped in front of him and formed a wall.

"No, you aren't welcome here right now." Mrs Carson said. 

"Not even a clutch of flowers or anything. Some man you are." Mrs Blackwell said, shaking her head disapprovingly.

Sarah just held a knitting needle threateningly.

"Eggsy, I am so sorry." Merlin said quietly. "I just worry about you. I wish you were more careful." He nodded politely at the women, "Thank ye for taking such good care of my lad. Please just come home when you're ready." Merlin walked out.

"Make him buy you something pretty." Mrs Smythe suggested, "Or is that not how it's done between two men?"

"I'll have him take me out to a fancy ass dinner, how's that?" Eggsy asked smiling.

That night in bed Merlin had Eggsy wrapped up in his arms. "You know those women are terrifying right?"

Eggsy laughed, "My sweet ladies? My girls terrifying? You're a spy man and walk around with an assault rifle and bombs at your finger tips. My girls scary." Eggsy couldn't stop laughing.

 

+1

"Can you believe it? Egg on the ceiling, how do you even get egg on the ceiling?" Mrs. Carson was practically doubled over laughing.

"Patience, how you put up with that man, I'll never know." Mrs. Blackwell shook her head. 

"Well he's good in bed isn't he?" All the women laughed and Eggsy laughed along.

They had all had a good morning at the coffee shop and were ready to wrap it up when three men in masks came storming in with guns.

Eggsy hit the side of his glasses so Merlin would see and send help. He tried to subtly reach for his gun.

"Keep your gun away Eggsy." Mrs Blackwell whispered, "In here even a crack shot could have problems thanks to panicky civilians."

Eggsy's mouth fell open.

Mrs. Smythe had been standing when they stormed in and as one tried to charge past her, ignoring the old lady she stuck her cane out and he tripped and face planted into the table beside them. Sarah pushed a chair into the way of another guy and cracked her plate over his head.

The third turned at the commotion swinging his gun wildly. Eggsy stood ready to take him down when Mrs Carson threw a ball of yarn at his head. 

"What the fuck?" The guy said completely confused that he was attacked by yarn. 

"Language, dearie." Mrs Smythe said from where she had crept up behind him. And stabbed him in the neck with a needle. Eggsy grabbed the man's gun and knocked him out.

It was all over within 8 minutes.

"Who even robs a coffee shop on a Sunday morning?" Liz asked, kicking one of the downed criminals out of the way.

"Amateurs." Mrs. Blackwell sniffed. All the women just got back to organizing their bags.

"You stabbed him!" Eggsy yelled looking at Mrs Smythe, "Doris you're almost 70 and ye stabbed him with a knitting needle."

Mrs Smythe looked down at the prone man, "Not my first. Now did I drop anything?"

"Ye stabbed him!" Eggsy repeated. "And Mrs. Blackwell, how'd you know about?"

"Oh like I can't tell when a man is carrying a piece. Really, Eggsy." Mrs. Blackwell looked disappointed in Eggsy. "Just because we've all agreed that you work at a tailor's shop, doesn't mean we don't have an idea what's what."

The cops arrived and carted the three men away and took all their statements.

"You know my fella thinks you lot are the scariest thing he's ever come across. And trust me he knows from scary." Eggsy said as they all stepped outside.

"Oh that's a nice compliment, isn't it?" Mrs. Smythe said patting Eggsy's arm, "I'll bake him some cookies."

Eggsy was left standing by himself as Sarah and Liz decided to grab lunch.

Maybe his ladies weren't so adorable after all. Maybe Merlin was right about them being terrifying.

God, he loved his knitting group.

 


	5. Daisy and Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a request for some serious Daisy and Merlin interaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so happy that someone requested this, but wanted to think about it for a bit as I didn't want to do the cliched tea party isn't the tough guy adorable sitting on the pink chair sort of story.
> 
> This is set a couple years in the future. Eggsy and Merlin are married and Daisy would now be about 4. Merlin's real name is Lachlan.

Eggsy was in Berlin. He had been gone for 10 days and looked to be gone for another week at least. Merlin missed his husband desperately and was sad that the lad was going to miss their anniversary but the intel he was attempting to secure was too important. Harry had agreed cleared them both for a long weekend away once Eggsy's mission was complete.

Merlin was having his weekly meeting with the head of R&D and head of Analysis when his private phone rang. Only three people actually had access to the number. He just held up a hand to the others in the meeting and answered.

"Hello?" He asked calmly.

Just some small heavy breathing.

"Please speak up, I can't hear you. Hello."

"Unca Lock." Daisy said in her little voice.

"Daisy, you aren't supposed to use the phone on your own." Merlin explained.

"Mom's on the bathroom floor, crying. I think she has a boo-boo." Daisy said. "I gave her Peppa to hug to make it better."

Merlin froze a little at that. His mind moved as quick as it could. "Lass? Listen to me carefully. I'm going to get some help sent to you. When they get to the door ask them to say the secret word. If they say Peppa Pig you let them in. They are going to help your mother."

"Okay." Daisy dropped the phone and he could hear her run to the door to wait without hanging up. Merlin quickly explained the situation to emergency services and found out what hospital they would bring Michelle and Daisy to and promised to meet them there. The people in the meeting agreed to watch the coms and deal with anything that came up in the office. Merlin was already running out to get to the hospital.

He called Harry while on the train and explained the situation.

Harry was silent before laughing a little, "Has Eggsy ever left you alone with Daisy?"

"Of course he has." Merlin said sternly.

"For longer than a shower?" Harry rejoined.

"Ah," Merlin sighed, "No. I'm not the best with children. Ye know this Harry."

"Daisy quite rightly adores her Uncle Harry, perhaps I could be of assistance?" Harry's voice was dry and amused. He would never come out and say that he knew Merlin was terrified of Daisy, but he could think it very loudly.

"Ye can feck right off, I'll take care of mine just fine." Merlin's accent was on the rise from worry and frustration with his best friend. He hung up without another word and hopped in a car to get to the hospital. When he got there he headed in the direction of emergency care and saw Daisy hopping from one chair to the next, while a nurse looked on.

"Daisy, lass, that's not safe." Merlin chided gently. "Hello I'm Lachlan Craig. I called for the assistance for Michelle Unwin."

The nurse smiled, "It seems Ms. Unwin was suffering from acute appendicitis. She's being wheeled into the surgery theatre as we speak."

"Good, good." Merlin breathed easier. "I'm married to Michelle's son, I can take care of Daisy." The nurse nodded and promised to keep them updated.

Merlin looked at Daisy still standing on a chair. She looked up at him in turn and asked, "Eggsy?"

"I'm sorry, he's still out of the country. You have me though."

Merlin stared at Daisy and started to sweat bullets as her lower lip quivered.

"Eggsy." She demanded.

"No he can't come." The quiver lead to a wail. "Chocolate?" Merlin said in a panic. 

The waterworks immediately turned off. They went to find chocolate.

************

The surgery was quick and easy, and they looked in on a sleeping Michelle. Daisy left a wet kiss on her mum's cheek and promised they'd be in tomorrow.

Merlin carried Daisy over to his car and swore, "Bugger."

"Bugger." she repeated sleepily.

"Don't swear." Merlin said.

"You said it first." Daisy complained.

"I don't have a booster seat for you." Merlin explained. "We'll take the tube." They trudged the few blocks to the station. Three meltdowns later they made it to Merlin and Eggsy's small townhouse. Merlin collapsed on the sofa and rubbed a hand over his eyes. 

Daisy poked him in the ribs. "Hungry Unca Lock. Nuggets."

Merlin sighed, "We don't have any, sweetie."

That damn lip quivered again. Merlin grabbed the phone and made a desperate call. "Harry. I need a happy meal." He held the phone away from his ear at the loud laughter. 

Daisy giggled to, "Uncle Harry! Arrrr!" She shouted and clapped all excited to hear her favourite pirate's voice. Harry promised to be there soon.

Sure enough 40 minutes later Harry arrived carrying the small box. And a new stuffed animal. Daisy hugged his legs in a way she never did with Merlin.

"Smug isn't a good look on you, ye bastard." Merlin muttered.

"Everything is a good look on me, you'll find." Harry replied heading towards the kitchen, Daisy talking about her mum being sick the whole time.

As she ate her nuggets, Merlin explained that Michelle would be in the hospital for a couple days.

"In all seriousness, do you need assistance? We can get a nanny for you." Harry offered.

"I can handle the wee lass for a couple of days." Merlin protested. "There are no pressing missions right now that my assistants can't handle. I'm family. I can do this."

Harry smiled a little at the determination and terror in his best friend's face. "Right then. I'm off to home. Goodnight dear lady." Harry kissed Daisy's plums sauce covered fingers and headed out.

Daisy finished her meal and Merlin helped clean her up. "Eggsy?" She asked hopefully.

"No, lass, he won't be home for another week." 

"Roxy can come and play." Daisy said, determined to have one of her favourites around.

"No, she's away with Eggsy." Merlin explained, "We can watch a movie if you like."

"Fine." Daisy sighed, "Wish Roxy was here."

"Yes, we all do." Merlin's voice was dry.

Still he sat patiently through three watchings of Frozen and Daisy actually fell asleep midway through the third. He carried her up to the spare room, that was mostly used by Daisy. He tucked her in, deciding that he wasn't even going to attempt pajamas - her leggings and t-shirt would suffice. He collapsed exhausted. Merlin just didn't feel equipped to deal with a four year old on his own.

The next morning he made her cereal and tried to put her hair in pig tails. They were lopsided. Luckily they had a spare booster seat in the house so they took a cab to the hospital. They picked out some nice flowers and balloons for Michelle and went to visit. Michelle was so happy to see Daisy, and very thankful for Merlin's care.

"You are family, Michelle." For Merlin it was easy. Eggsy loved his mum, Merlin loved Eggsy, Merlin would take care of Eggsy's family.

"Still, you do so much for all of us." Michelle protested a little.

"And I'm happy to do so." Merlin reassured her.

"Have you been having fun with Lachlan?" Michelle asked Daisy.

Daisy shrugged, "He's boring. But Unca Harry brought me a Happy Meal!" 

Merlin sighed, used to coming second with the lass.

"That's not very nice, I'm sure he's taking good care of you." Michelle admonished gently. She had no idea why Daisy had never warmed up to Merlin, but wanted her girl to treat him well. "The doctor's want me in another day or two, just to make sure. I can call my sister if you need to work."

"There is nothing pressing at the shop, I'm fine." Merlin then went for a walk so that Michelle and Daisy could have a little alone time. He put the booster seat in his car and went back to collect Daisy. 

She didn't want to leave her mum, but Merlin could see that Michelle was ready for a nap. Daisy cried in his arms the whole way to the car. When they got back to the house, Daisy kicked his shin and ran to the guest room and hid in the closet.

Merlin was at his wit's end and ready to call Harry and admit that a four year old had completely defeated him. He sat on the living room couch and pulled Eggsy's favourite blanket into his arms and gave it a hug. It smelled like his husband. And gave Merlin an idea. 

While Daisy hid in the room, Merlin went around and collected all the blankets and long scarves that Eggsy had made. He moved the furniture around the living room and built. And built. And then he crawled inside and pulled out his phone and waited.

Daisy came out of the bedroom a couple hours later, hungry and surprised that Merlin hadn't come along to punish her. Eggsy would be mad that she kicked Merlin. She went slowly down the stairs and didn't really hear anything. She checked the office and the kitchen but no Merlin. She went to the living room and dropped Peppa Pig in her shock.

The centre of the room had been transformed into a blanket fort, scarves dangling down the front opening almost like a door. She pushed some of them out of the way and crawled inside. "Unca Lock?" She asked.

"Yes lass?" Merlin asked. Daisy could see the tip of his toes, she crawled in further and saw that it was cozy and soft and that Merlin had his phone projecting stars on the blanket ceiling. She crawled up beside him and lay down on the blanket he was using as a pillow.

She breathed in, "Eggsy." 

"Aye lass, that blanket does smell like him. I miss him too you know. Very much." Merlin kept looking at the ceiling.

"But you are the one who sends him away." Daisy said surprised.

"What do you mean?" Merlin wondered how she figured that.

"When Eggsy comes to play or for dinner, he only answers two rings - yours and the one he says is work. The work one always means he's going away." Daisy tilted her head to look at Merlin. "He has the same smile when he answers for you and for when he answers for work - even if it means going away right in the middle of a tea party. It's his Unca Lock smile. You make him go away. I don't like him always going away."

And finally Merlin understood.

He took a deep breath and thought of how little time he and Eggsy had for each other thanks to their jobs. How each moment where they could be at home together was precious. Merlin made a sacrifice that wasn't a sacrifice at all. "What if I promised that whenever Eggsy is home he spends one night a week with you. Either he stays with you and your mum. Or you can come here for a special sleep over time and I'll kip at your Uncle Harry's or at the shop. Would that make things better?"

Daisy sat up in the blanket fort, "I can have Eggsy for myself?"

"Aye, one night a week if he's not away. I promise." He held up his pinkie just like he had seen Eggsy and Daisy do a million times. Daisy slowly wrapped her pinkie around Merlin's.

They both settled back down and watched the stars move on the blankets above them. They both were drifting off.

"It's a really good blanket fort. Better than what Uncle Harry can do." Daisy said, sleepily.

"Thank ye lass, that's a nice thing to say." They both settled into a nap.

****************

A couple months later Michelle dropped of Daisy for her night with Eggsy. Merlin kept his promise and was usually gone by the time she arrived, but Eggsy had distracted him in the shower and he was running behind. Merlin let Daisy in and waved to Michelle, who drove off once Daisy was inside. Daisy was already wearing her pajamas. Eggsy came storming down the steps in a set that matched the ones Daisy was wearing. Merlin smiled at the sight.

"Right, I'm off to bug Harry. You two have fun, and try not to stay up too late."

Eggsy snorted a little and kissed Merlin goodbye. 

Merlin waved at Daisy and headed for the door.

"Unca Lock," Daisy said, stopping him.

Merlin turned and saw her holding Eggsy's hand and swinging herself back and forth. "Yes, lass?"

"You could stay too. If you want." She couldn't quite look at him.

"Are you sure? This is your Eggsy time."

"You build better blanket forts. I want a blanket fort." She smiled and Merlin felt his heart melt.

"Alright then, I can stay." Merlin lead Daisy into the living room and Eggsy went to fetch all the blankets he had made.

 


	6. Did You Put a Laser in There?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a prompt... married to the top techie you would think that Merlin would gift eggsy with some version of special knitting gear hmm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man such a great prompt thank you for allowing me to get verging on crack here.

The anniversary trip that Harry had promised they could have ended up getting delayed by six months due to various missions. But finally, finally they were on holiday. A private beach, sun, sand, and no interruptions. For a whole week. They enjoyed it for a day before the rain settled in. By day three they even had to give up on the sex thanks to the chafing and back pain. 

Luckily Merlin had a bunch of digital books and Eggsy had a small selection from his stash. They made a cup of tea and sat by the windows that had a beautiful view of the Caribbean Sea, that was being pounded with rain. Merlin tossed his feet into Eggsy's lap and didn't really move for the next hour, muttering at the hero to smarten up. He didn't even really notice how Eggsy kept putting a half finished sock on his foot to make sure that he got the length right.

Eggsy's fingers were cramping from the tight stitches and he went through his bag for the gold that was the hand cream Percival gifted him with. That was when he noticed the new items in the side pocket. He pulled out a new stitch counter that actually went into the hundreds, a set of wooden DPNs that he didn't recognize, a pair of circulars, and some pretty stitch markers that had little pugs on them.

"What's all this then?" Eggsy asked Merlin.

"One more page." Merlin muttered. Eggsy waited. "Right, what's up?"

Eggsy gestured to all the stuff on the table. "Where'd all this stuff come from?"

"Oh." Merlin grinned, pleased with himself. "Happy Anniversary."

Eggsy groaned, "We agreed no gifts. I didn't get you nothing."

Merlin sat up a little, kissed Eggsy thoroughly, "It's nothing the pen wanted a challenge. I provided. You benefit."

Eggsy kissed Merlin some more before he clued in to what Merlin had said. "Wait. The pen? You mean the people in R&D for the Kingsman, the greatest inventors in the world made these? When you could have gone to Mrs. Carson's shop and dropped 50 pounds and been done with it?"

"You might want to travel with this stuff sometimes even when it involves work." Merlin looked a little embarrassed.

Eggsy began to grin. "Tell me something shoots lasers, something shoots lasers don't it?" Eggsy bounced like a kid.

"What?" Merlin snorted, "Not James Bond here, lasers are an ineffectual weapon."

Eggsy jumped on the wording, "But some of this has been weaponized then, hasn't it? Hasn't it?"

Merlin said something under his breath.

"Did I just hear bomb?"

Merlin sighed, "If you move the numbers on the stitch marker to 512 it will prime the small explosive. Tug on the chain and you have 10 seconds."

"Why 512?" Eggsy asked.

"Because we had our first kiss on May 12th." Merlin admitted.

Eggsy laughed, "You are such a romantic." He kissed the glower off of Merlin's face.

"The circulars have strong proper lines in them up to 300 pounds of pressure so easy to garrote a person. The DPNs are Snakewood one of the hardest woods in the world so you could easily stab someone with them and if you break skin they are coated in a poison that only interacts when it comes into contact with blood."

"And the pug stitch markers?" Eggsy asked.

"Those I found on Etsy and just thought you would like." Merlin stalked over to the bar and poured a drink.

Eggsy grinned at what a sap his husband was.

"I've mentioned that you're the guv right?" Eggsy hugged Merlin from behind. "Ain't no one ever treat me as well as you, yeah?" Eggsy slid his hands under Merlin's shirt to the firm abs, "How's bout I show you my appreciation?"

Merlin put down his drink.

************

One month later Merlin was walking Eggsy through a mission and they came to a locked door, no way for Merlin to access it, and Eggsy didn't actually have a key. Eggsy could hear the guards coming for him. 

"Galahad they'll be on you in less than a minute." Merlin said calmly.

"No worries, I got a secret weapon." And the stitch marker bomb blew the door open. Eggsy ran through giggling madly.

He made it to his extraction point right on time.

"Going to need you to make me another of those, prime it to the code 629."

"And why is that Galahad?" Merlin asked.

"First time you spent the night." Eggsy said.

Merlin rolled his eyes.

And Eggsy called Merlin the romantic sap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder always open for prompts for this


	7. Kingsman Meet the Knitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy takes care of everyone, time for them to take care of Eggsy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one prompted this, it just popped in my head. Seriously knitter Eggsy is taking over my life.

Harry stood beside Merlin as Merlin did his job. His voice was calm, controlled as he talked Bors through the terrorist base. He didn't once look at what Bors was carrying. Harry didn't say anything or interfere just let his presence be felt. Bors made it to the truck that would take him to the plane.

Merlin had already routed a local sympathetic medical team to the plane.

Bors carefully laid Galahad down on the floor of the truck, "He's still breathing Merlin."

"Can you assess his injuries?"

"Other than he basically got exploded across a room, nah." Bors sounds tense.

"A medical team will be at the plane agent. You did well." Merlin's voice stayed steady.

"Copy that." 20 minutes later Bors helped the medical team load Galahad onto a stretcher and into the plane. The plane took off.

Finally Merlin cracked a little, "Bring my husband home to me."

"Yes sir." Bors said.

Merlin signed off the comms. He stood and looked at Harry. "I need to alert medical here. Kay's mission is almost ready for monitoring and -"

Harry pulled his oldest friend into a hug. Merlin took a moment and leaned into Harry. He held tight to his best friend before straightening.

"Sir, if you could alert medical to the situation it would be appreciated."

"Of course Merlin. He'll be fine, he's too annoying not to be." Harry smiled. "Do you need me to get one of the other handlers in?"

"No, it will be five hours until he's here, if I don't stay busy I'll go mad. I'd expect though that once he's here I'll be useless until he's better. You might want to plan accordingly."

Harry nodded and left Merlin to do it job. The only difference that could be seen on Merlin was how tightly he gripped his mug.

When the plane arrived, Eggsy was rushed to medical the emergency team that had been with him explaining to their doctors his vitals and what they were able to assess.

Merlin watched it all through his monitors, wrapping up Kay's situation. Broken ribs, leg, finger fractures, broken nose, hairline fracture to the skull. Coma. Unsure as to when he'll wake and what he'll be like.

Kay was safe. Merlin called in some of his people to take over his station. He walked down to the medical wing.

A doctor wanted to talk to Merlin. Harry intercepted him and waved Merlin into Eggsy's room.

Eggsy looked so small on the bed, covered in cuts and bruises.

Merlin calmly pulled a chair beside the bed, held the hand that wasn't fractured.

And then he wept. "Wake up lad, now's the time to wake up."

Eggsy as usual ignored Merlin's orders. Cheeky bastard.

******************

It was two weeks and Eggsy still wasn't awake.

Merlin had pretty much set up base camp in Eggsy's room, moving in several computers and his work chair. Harry was a regular occupant as well doing his paperwork there, making sure Merlin ate.

Roxy was in for at least two hours everyday.

All the agents regularly stopped in.

But Eggsy still wouldn't wake.

It was Harry who suggested bringing Michelle and Daisy in. He had relaxed a lot of the rules surrounding family in his years as Arthur and had found that it had actually improved moral and the effectiveness of his agents. But Daisy ended up screaming when Eggsy didn't wake up and Michelle wasn't much better. They went home and Merlin promised to give them regular updates.

It was actually Bors who came up with the next idea one Friday night during the poker game that was set up in Eggsy's room. "We should make something." He said as he threw down his cards and Percival collected the pot.

"What do you mean?" Roxy asked, dealing the new hand.

"Well all the stuff he's made us, be nice to return the favour I should think yeah?" Bors looked at his cards, "You hate me don't you Lancelot?"

"None of can knit." Percival interjected.

Merlin looked up from his clipboard. "I know people who can. But be warned they are rather terrifying."

That Sunday morning Eggsy's knitting group was brought to the Kingsman estate.

*****************

The women sat in the train and watched as Harry explained the situation. None of the women were reacting. No shock, no horror, no surprise.

Harry began to understand why Merlin called them terrifying.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Did Eggsy make that eyepatch?" Sarah asked.

"He did, eventually I broke him down and he made me several to match my suits." Harry smiled.

"And how did you break down our boy?" Doris asked squinting at Harry.

"I am his boss, he respond to my authority." Harry's voice was full of command. They all just stared at him some more and Harry wilted, "I bribed him with a weekend away for he and his family at the coast."

And they all laughed at him. Harry was very thankful to drop them at the medical wing and beat a strategic retreat.

The women all looked sad at the sight of Eggsy. Merlin stood to greet them. He was shocked when they all enveloped him in a hug.

"He'll be fine you'll see." Mrs Carson said reassuringly. Today her sweater had the union flag on it.

"He's super strong and tough." Liz agreed.

"We'll get him up and running about in no time." Mrs Blackwell declared. Doris nodded as she read over Eggsy's medical chart.

Sarah started setting up a table, "So why are we here? Aside from helping Eggsy wake up."

"Eggsy's coworkers decided that we should all make him something after all the things he's done for us. Only no one has ever picked up a knitting needle or crochet hook before. We were hoping you could teach us."

"All beginners, hmmmm." Mrs. Carson said. "Best you all make a square of a certain size say 10x10 and then we can stitch it all into a blanket. We brought tons of supplies. Who are we teaching first?"

"Myself and Roxy, Eggsy's best friend. She'll be along shortly." Merlin looked at the women at the table, "I'm sure he's glad you are here."

They all smiled at him. Merlin sat beside Mrs. Carson, "Right son, let's get you set up."

Twenty minutes later Roxy walked in to see Merlin struggling to complete his first row. She was ready to laugh at him, when she saw the pink curls of Sarah's hair.

And Sarah's cute bow lips. And her Anarchy in the U.K. t-shirt. 

"Hi, I'm Roxy." Roxy said looking straight at Sarah, "Perhaps you could help me with all of this?"

Sarah blushed a little and gestured to the seat beside her.

Roxy of course picked up the basics in no time. And lorded it over Merlin after.

***********************

There was always someone from the knitting group in the room now, showing an agent how to knit or crochet. They were having very mixed results but couldn't fault anyone's determination and perseverance.

"I would like to either make a bunny or pirate skull shape for my square." Harry had explained.

"That would be some advanced colour work, how about you just make a striped garter stitch square." Doris suggested.

"I am very dexterous and I assure you I will be up to the challenge." The woman got Harry's back up.

Doris rolled her eyes at the tone, "When's your surgery?" She asked Harry.

"I'm sorry?"

"To get that stick out of your ass, it must be quite bothersome." Kay and Merlin froze. Luckily it was Kay that broke first, but at least he made it out of the room before laughing too hard.

Harry sighed, "If I master garter stitch, will you show me how to make a skull?"

"Of course dear." Doris handed him his sticks. "Let's begin."

***********************

"Shit, shit, crap, crap, crap." Bors said.

"Agent, is your cover blown?" Merlin asked quickly.

"No. Crap, crap, crap." Came through the comms. "Which lady is in?"

"Mrs. Blackwell." Merlin replied.

"I need to figure out how to pick up a stitch, I don't know when I dropped it." Merlin could hear the frustration in Bors's voice.

"Bors, need I remind you that you are on a mission?" Merlin pinched his nose.

"Yeah and the guy knitting in the coffee shop is a great cover. Now get me my help." Bors said.

Mrs Blackwell came over and took care of the issue. And was kind enough to point out when the waiter was about to stab Bors.

************************

Of course they all raved about Percival's abilities. He had finished a square and they were teaching him cabling.

Harry pouted and sighed and moaned until Liz took pity on him and started to show him colour work to make a skull.

Doris said I told you so every time Harry messed up.

"I can have you killed." Harry muttered darkly.

"I'd like to see you try whipper snapper." Doris said back.

Eggsy never woke up through any of this.

***********************

It was 2am and Merlin was alone with Eggsy. He was working on his square. Using the same yarn that had hidden the engagement ring years ago.

His fingers were cramping and his eyes were tired.

He lay his head down on the bed beside Eggsy's hand.

"Lad, ye need to wake up and see what we've all put ourselves through worrying about you. Your friends need ye. Your family is a wreck without you. I need ye. I've gotten used to you, you know." Merlin yawned, "Find yer way back to me already wouldn't you?"

Merlin fell asleep.

Eggsy stayed the same.

*************************

It was another month before Eggsy woke up.

Of course it was one of the times that his husband was out of the room.

Of course it was when Roxy finally made a move on Sarah.

Eggsy blinked his eyes open.

His throat was parched, so very sore from disuse but he still managed to eke out, "Woulda woke up sooner if I had known I could have me own private peep show."

The ladies jumped apart. 

Roxy didn't care that Eggsy had woken up after a two month coma, she punched him in the arm.

"You better stay awake until Merlin gets here."

He managed to make it until Merlin ran in 15 minutes later. They just looked at each other and Eggsy smiled before he fell asleep again.

**************************\

When he finally could stay awake longer than 20 minutes he was presented with his blanket.

His horribly ugly, misshapen blanket.

"Why is there this repair?" He asked about the long sewn line through the one square.

"Ah a man was about to stab Bors, he distracted him with the square." Merlin explained.

"What is that supposed to be?" He asked looking at another.

"Harry was determined to match the eye patch you gave him."

"Oh." Eggsy could almost see it.

"Percival did the cabled square didn't he?"

"Of course. Teacher's Pet."

Eggsy touched the green square, he knew Merlin had made it without even asking.

Eggsy snuggled the blanket up to his nose.

"It's perfect."


	8. Garebear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> submitted prompt: Eggsy has an obscure relative who calls him Garebear. Merlin takes the piss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place relatively early in the dating days of Eggsy and Merlin. This went funny but also serious.

Roxy never made any secret of her love of taking the piss out of Eggsy. That's what best friends do, shoot you down, keep you humble, keep you honest. And well Harry was his boss and a gentleman but he had that subtle way of teasing. Deadpan just that barest hint of a smirk on his face. Sometimes it would take you days to realize how many holes he had poked into you.

But Merlin, nah. His boyfriend was a surprising softy. Eggsy grinned at that. Boyfriend, the guy who used to terrify him, trained him was his boyfriend now. They had been together a couple months and it was bloody fantastic wasn't it? Roxy got sick of all the photos of Merlin she was sent and Harry wanted to scrub his remaining eyeball with bleach after catching a glimpse of a video feed that Merlin was deleting from their files.

That was why he wasn't as worried as he should have been when they ran into his cousin at the chip shop they had gone to. They were picking up take out and going to Michelle and Daisy. Daisy still didn't like Merlin but Michelle was slowly warming up to the man. She didn't necessarily like that he was older than even her, but Eggsy was so happy, looked at Merlin how she had looked at Lee, so she warmed up a bit.

They were standing in line, talking quietly, Merlin loosely holding Eggsy's hand when they heard the shout.

"GAREBEAR!!!!!" And a large man gave Eggsy a flying tackle hug. Merlin was reaching for the knife he had at the small of his back when Eggsy shook his head.

"Hey Marcus." Eggsy said hugging back. "What are you doing in town?"

"Visiting mum, got a few days off didn't I, decided to come down!" The man kept hugging Eggsy tight. Merlin was thinking of stabbing him on principle. A good looking, incredibly fit man only a little older than Eggsy hugging him like that? Yeah Merlin really wanted his knife.

"Let off, you giant oaf." Eggsy said, punching the guy. He just laughed and let Eggsy go.

"So who's this then Garebear?" The guy looked Merlin up and down, "Your mum finally get a decent fella?"

Aye, definitely killing the guy. Harry would understand the slip in decorum.

"Shut it, you wanker, he's my boyfriend ain't he?" Eggsy glowered and kicked the guy. "Lachlan, this is me cousin Marcus. Marcus, this is my boyfriend Lachlan. Be nice."

"Right, right. Sorry about that, pleasure to meet you." The guy held out his hand and Merlin shook it. "What do you do then Lachlan, work solid enough to support our Garebear here?" 

Eggsy groaned and tried to will himself invisible. 

"I head IT for a company." was all Merlin said. "And yourself?"

"Oh I'm for rugby, I play for the Newcastle Falcons." The guy grinned, "Well I'm off, just saw you through the window. I'm in town all week, come by mum's and visit yeah? See ya Garebear." Another of those giant hugs that swallowed Eggsy hole and then gone.

They stood in silence until their order was up.

Later that night Merlin walked Eggsy home, kissed him on his doorstep. "Goodnight Garebear." And he was gone.

Aw, crap, was all Eggsy could think.

*****************

Merlin didn't say it all the time, and certainly never at work, but sometimes when watching a movie or playing games together Merlin would grin and call him Garebear. Merlin found it too funny. If Eggsy pouted he kissed that lip and called him Garebear, if Eggsy snuggled into blankets and complained about the cold or waking up, Garebear.

Basically anytime Eggsy was adorable in their personal life Merlin would gently tease and call him Garebear. Which as Merlin fell more and more in love, happened more frequently.

And Eggsy smiled and laughed and didn't let on that it bugged him. It was a small thing and Merlin was so great, no way was Eggsy cocking this relationship up.

But one day Eggsy was chilling in Merlin's office, working on one of the last Kingsman scarves he was making, and Percival was discussing improvements to his sniper rifle. Eggsy realized that he had missed a colour change and swore at his yarn.

Merlin smiled, "Just go back and pull it out, Garebear, no big deal."

Percival raised a brow at the nickname and Eggsy couldn't hide his flinch. He packed up his knitting and said, "I'll leave you guys to your work." 

Merlin swore to himself.

"I thought you were more observant than the rest of us." Percival said in his calm voice.

"Christ I'm worse than Bors." Merlin groaned.

"Buck up man, you didn't forget that you left your wife in Brighton. You just said something you apparently shouldn't have. A doable fix." Percival said, patting his friend on the shoulder. "And better that you mucked up in front of me than Harry." 

Merlin was indeed thankful for that.

******************

Eggsy heard the knock on the door and knew who it was. He debated not answering but that would be childish.

"Hey, Merlin." Eggsy gestured him in. "Want one?" he held up his bottle of beer.

"Aye, that'd be fine." Merlin went to his spot on the couch. Eggsy brought him a beer and sunk down beside him, but didn't snuggle into the man. Instead he wrapped himself in one of his blankets, his favourite.

"I'm sorry lad." Merlin finally said.

Hearing lad, was weirdly the last straw for Eggsy, "I'm not a kid you know." He didn't yell, just said it very firmly.

"I know that." Merlin was a little shocked.

"Garebear is a boy who still has his baby fat on him and has one superhero toy." Eggsy said, "It was a hand me down from Marcus, most of anything I had that was nice was a hand me down from Marcus and he'd laugh and call me his Garebear and I hated it, but I wanted the toys so I just let him call me that. He's a good guy, but fuck having him as your older cousin was a right pain in the ass. Taller, stronger, better looking, never could catch up could I?" Eggsy was picking up steam, "And you call me lad, all the time, and I was fine with it, but then you add in the Garebear and what, I feel like I'm 8 again don't I? And less than at that."

Eggsy remembered to breathe.

"Eggsy." Merlin said quietly. "Eggsy. I consider you many, many things, but a boy is not one of them." Merlin smiled a little, "I think you are smart, I think you are clever, I think that you have an annoying disregard for orders, I think that you are beautiful, I think that you are kind and caring and that I fall in love with you more everyday, but never do I think of ye as a boy." Merlin took a breath, "I'll never call ye Garebear again. I can try to not call you lad, but that will be more difficult I have to admit."

"I don't mind lad, it sounds nice when you say it with that rumble in your voice." Eggsy smiled and moved a little closer to Merlin on the couch, let the man sneak a hand under the blanket. Merlin gripped Eggsy's fingers tightly. 

"So you love me, do ya?" Eggsy said after awhile, grinning.

"Aye lad, I do at that." Merlin kissed Eggsy's forehead.

"Enough to make a public gesture of apology?" Eggsy asked innocently, eyes big, even managing to make them water a bit.

"Of course, I made the mistake in front of a fellow Kingsman, I'm happy to make reparation the same way."

"Okay then you're forgiven." Eggsy let the whole of Merlin snuggle under the blanket with him.

******************

"Mrs. Carson, I need the item." Eggsy said walking into the shop one day.

"Oh dear me, who screwed up?" She said reaching for a box.

"My boyfriend."

"Oh take pictures." Mrs. Carson's eyes were filled with mirth.

"O'course."

******************

Merlin was leading talking in a meeting that included all the Kingsmen about upcoming changes to their glasses and various pieces of field tech. Everyone was going to be expected to come in and log practice hours on the range and the course. 

No one said a word biting their lips hard, just nodding when need be.

A few other points were addressed and the Kingsmen not physically present signed off. All but Eggsy and Harry left the room very, very quickly. Their laughter rolled through the building. Eggsy grinned looking at Merlin.

"Merlin, while I know that I am a far more lax Arthur than our previous evil overlord, I do expect a certain amount of dress code for important meetings such as this." Harry said severely. It was only marred a little by the fact that today's eye patch, looked like Mad Eye Moody's eye. 

"I am wearing a sweater and tie, just like I always do." Merlin said mildly.

"Yes, but perhaps a pink sweater with a dog, with a sparkle collar, and a three dimensional puffy tail does not present the image of respectability that I prefer."

"It makes barking noises too, if you press the nose." Eggsy said grinning. He pressed the nose.

"Charming." Harry said. He snapped several photos.

"It's the knitting group's sweater of shame." Eggsy explained. "You screw up you wear it for a day don't you? Proves how sorry you really are."

Eggsy and Harry were laughing together now at the look on Merlin's face.

"If you two will excuse me, I have weapons to test."

Harry actually choked on his drink as Merlin walked away, as the back of the sweater had the back of the dog stitched on it. He took some more photos.

"I love you Merlin," Eggsy shouted after him. It was his first time saying it.

Merlin just gave his boyfriend a two fingered salute and went to go blow stuff up.

But he made sure no damage came to the sweater of shame.


	9. Yarn Bomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: eggsy and/or the knitting group doing some yarn bombing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you aren't familiar with yarn bombing - it's covering things in yarn. A tank, trees, a whole bridge. a quick google image search will show you some amazing pieces.   
> And you know with the word bomb involved, Bors is going to show up.  
> Sorry this is going to be a pretty short one.

Merlin and Harry walked into the police station with a determined look on their faces. They called in a couple favours, made some vaguely sinister statements. This was helped by the fact that Harry was wearing the eye patch that had a blood splatter design on it. Merlin managed to look menacing just by breathing.

45 minutes later they walked out of the station with Eggsy, Bors, and the entire knitting group. Including Doris and Mrs. Blackwell.

Every one stayed silent until they were back at the tailor's shop. Harry brought them all into the meeting room.

Every time someone started to speak, Harry just held up a hand and they were silent. He served tea to everyone at the table and then he and Merlin just stood there arms crossed, looking like the sternest, most disappointed parents ever.

"You are some of the best trained spies in the world." Harry began, "How did some local officers actually manage to catch you?"

"Couldn't leave Doris behind could we? Slowed us down some." Eggsy muttered.

"I told you I could take care of myself." Dories replied, back rigidly straight.

Mrs. Blackwell shook her head, "One for all, all for one."

Merlin sighed.

"That doesn't explain how you got involved in this Bors." Harry looked at one of his most experienced agents.

"Mrs. Blackwell and I were having cake, working on my cabling, getting almost as good as Percival." Bors said proudly. He wilted a little under Harry's gaze. "She answered the phone. It was Sarah, and I overheard something about them dropping the bomb tonight. Well I couldn't let them do that without me, now could I?" Bors looked thoughtful, "Turns out yarn bombing wasn't what I expected, but still pretty amusing all in all. Though I do think a small explosive could be rigged to shoot yarn out. That's add some style to it all."

Harry didn't crack a smile.

"Am I going to have to wear the sweater of shame?" Bors asked sadly.

Before Harry or Merlin could say yes, Mrs. Carson shook her head fiercely. 

"Certainly not. We were doing the Lord's work." She said righteously. All the women nodded.

Merlin thought about asking how covering the statue in front of the British Library was the Lord's work, but Eggsy explained without Merlin saying a word, knowing how his husband's brain worked.

"Well it is rather ugly ain't it?" 

Merlin had to admit they had a point.

"I am very disappointed in all of you." Harry began to lecture. "You were caught. That shows a lack of awareness of your surroundings, and poor planning."

Sarah started to protest, but Harry held up his hand. "You got greedy, started too big, should have begun with a row of trees in Hyde Park, had Merlin black out the cameras, have appropriate vehicles at the ready. I mean really." Harry shook his head at them.

"So plan our next mission then, see if you do any better." Eggsy dared. 

Harry glowered at Eggsy and Merlin sighed yet again. Children, he was dealing with children.

And all of them were in Hyde Park two weeks later in ski masks and with bags of yarn.

Doris made hot chocolate.


	10. I Just Need to Touch You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Merlin gets sick, Eggsy takes care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up twisting a little in my mind. And is a lot more angsty than I thought it would be.  
> Set in the early days after they marry.
> 
> Sorry for any typos or formatting issues this was done on my phone.

If he had time to think about it, he would have been impressed. But Merlin didn't have time. Luckily he was in the clean testing room when it happened. He ran to the wall and hit the emergency button. The two sets of doors shut, and medical and Arthur were apprised of the situation. He hurried to the eye was station and rinsed as best he could, washed his hands and face and waited.

Merlin could hear the footsteps running down the hall. He was calmly sitting back at his seat. 

The medical team stopped at the doors and turned on the intercom. "Sir?"

"What was supposed to be a jar of baby powder was not. It had a different look and a small charge that blew it into my face. I've shut down the room and followed procedure, but I haven't an idea what it was. I'd suggest getting someone a hazmat suit and testing to occur immediately." Merlin looked at his clip board, "Jameson is the best at quick analysis of foreign substances, I suggest you lead with him. And if I had to guess hurrying might be a good idea."

One of the men ran to get a suit, another called down to the labs.

Harry sauntered down the hall as cool as could be. "Testing people's responses again Merlin?"

"I'm afraid not Arthur." Merlin said formally. Harry's back immediately straightened, "It seems someone managed to poison me."

"I'll alert Galahad." Harry started to reach for his phone.

"Nae you will not. He's enjoying his time with his family and I'll not disturb that until we know what's happening. Just find out what's going on."

Harry nodded and left.

An hour later Eggsy was yelling at Merlin through the glass door. Merlin didn't even need the intercom to hear him.

"Don't tell me, what the hell is that you tosser? You're my fucking family ain't ya? Oh don't worry none Eggsy, your husband merely got a face full of mysterious powder and is now in a lockdown room and no one allowed to get close to him without a hazmat suit." Eggsy was pacing and pointing a figure, "Fuck it, you're living in the sweater of shame for a week. I'm making matching pants for it - don't think I won't!"

"I love you." Merlin was smiling.

Eggsy lost some steam. "I love you too. What can I do?"

"Arthur is trying to figure out how it got in, who got it in. Why don't you go help him? I'll still be here." Merlin coughed a little.

Eggsy squinted at him but Merlin just shooed his husband away.

A few hours later they returned with little information. And no word yet on what the powder might have been. Merlin was sweating a little.

"I told them to give it to Jameson, he's good at this sort of thing."

One of the medical assistant's was also there trying to assess Merlin through the glass, "But sir, he's not in today."

"Yes, he is, he logged in this morning."

"No sir, he wasn't at his station, he wasn't in the building."

Merlin looked at Arthur and Eggsy. No, it wasn't Eggsy standing in front of him, it was Galahad. They both left without saying anything.

Merlin just said, "Will ye at least get me a cot and a pillow?" The poor assistant that was in the hall fled to look for supplies.

It was morning before the two men were back. Not that Merlin had really slept.

"There is good news and bad news." Harry began.

"Of course there is." Merlin replied with a sigh.

"We don't know what they hit you with, but we have an extra sample and a reason."

Merlin waved a hand and Harry continued, "It seemed that drug cartel we dismantled a year ago was not as dismantled as we thought, they found out who we were and bribed and blackmailed Jameson to cripple us."

"But why go after me?" Merlin asked.

Eggsy looked at his husband, "Because without you, we got nothing. Are nothing. Merlin you're our centre."

Merlin flushed a little at the words. That or it was the fever.

"He wouldn't relay what was in the powder, seemed gleeful and said tick tock. There was a bit of an accident I'm afraid." Harry said calmly. "The samples are being processed."

Merlin smiled affectionately. "Harry you still have some red under your fingernails."

"Oh dear, that's unfortunate."

Eggsy snorted a little. Harry had him leave the room. He's pretty sure he didn't want to know what had gone on in there.

 A few hours later a doctor came sprinting down the hallway already in protective gear and carrying a bag. They threw open the first door and waited for Merlin to unlock the second. They didn't saying anything just stabbed a bunch of needles into Merlin. The doctor looked at the clock and swore. She spoke quietly to Merlin and then left him.

Harry and Eggsy waited for the doctor to strip the layers off in between the doors. When she came through they could see tears in her eyes.

Eggsy looked back at his husband, but Merlin's head was bent and he seemed to be praying. That scared Eggsy more than anything else.

Harry stayed calm. "Doctor?"

"Plague. They doused him with bubonic plague."

"Wot, like The Plague? The thing that killed half of Europe?" Eggsy looked at her, "is that even a thing?"

"There are less than a thousand cases a year and it is easily treatable. If caught in the first 24 hours." The doctor tried to stay calm. "It's been 28. I gave him all the proper antibiotics it will help his chances."

"What sort of help?" Eggsy asked.

"Without treatment plague carries a 40-60% rate of mortality. With late medication it drops to a 30% chance of death. I'm so sorry. We'll know in 3 or 4 days. I'll come back later." The doctor left the three men.

Harry's face was like steel and he bid Eggsy and Merlin good day.

Eggsy and Merlin looked at each other.

"What do ya need babe?" Eggsy asked.

You." Merlin said with a sad smile.

Eggsy reached for the door handle not caring.

"No Egg I'll not be risking your health."

"I'll take the drugs and wear the suit." Eggsy protested.

"For how long? You are tactile lad, ye'd want to rub my sweating brow before long. How about you go get me my favourite sweats, and perhaps the blanket from the sofa? The one you always wrap yourself in."

"You'll be okay until I'm back?" Eggsy sounded so worried.

"Aye lad."

When Eggsy returned there was no sight of Merlin. It wasn't a very large room.

"Lachlan!" Eggsy yelled.

Merlin emerged from a small hole in the wall. "Just went to the head lad."

Eggsy let out a breath. He put the items between the two doors and stepped back out. Merlin pulled them into the room and switched out into his sweatpants. He was warm enough to leave a top off.

Eggsy whistled.

Merlin draped the blanket over the cot. He ran a hand over it. It was made from cheap yarn and had horrible clashing colours as Eggsy had made it all from clearance yarn. But it was worn soft from use, pilling and stretched in places. It smelled like Eggsy.

Merlin turned back to the glass doors. And saw his husband's fingers shake.

"Go to the gym, Eggsy."

"No, not leaving you." Eggsy got his stubborn face on.

"I'll not be dying yet." Merlin said reassuringly.

"You'll not be dying at all." Eggsy said using Merlin's intonation.

"As you say." Merlin smiled, "But no matter what, the next day is going to be boring. I'm going to finish up paperwork, do some coding, nothing very interesting. Go burn some energy. We can eat dinner together."

Eggsy didn't want to go, but Merlin started to ignore him and work on his clipboard. Eggsy finally left.

A few other agents stopped by in the afternoon and offered their support. Merlin was mostly annoyed they kept interrupting his work. But his cough and sweating got worse.

Eggsy did return with some sandwiches and Merlin had to admit that he wasn't sure he could keep them down. Eggsy had also brought a protein shake.

They talked quietly, Merlin had set up the intercom to remain active until this was over. He felt so tired. He climbed onto the cot and burrowed into Eggsy's blanket. Didn't care that he was over warm. 

The next day was harder. His fever was worse and his lymphnodes were swollen. The doctor had come in and given him another round of shots but they knew it was mostly a placebo.

Merlin was doing his best to organize everything for his loss. He worked as much as he could though every hour staring at a screen meant 2 in bed. When Eggsy brought dinner, Merlin couldn't even pretend to eat.

Eggsy had a cot brought into the hallway, he wasn't leaving again except for food or to piss. They didn't say a lot just stared at each other until Merlin passed out.

About 1am Merlin woke. The lad had moved his cot so that it was right at the door as close as he could get to Merlin. Merlin smiled. He did so love Eggsy, he hated that he was going to leave him.

When next he woke his vision was blurry and he couldn't stop shaking. But he could tell the difference between his husband and best friend.

"Harry," Merlin coughed. And threw up bile into the bucket beside the bed.

"We found who did this. Lancelot, Percival, and Tristan have been sent to deal with the culprits."

"Ye sent Tristan out? Bit overkill that isn't it?" Merlin couldn't even sit himself up.

Harry adjusted the cuffs of his shirt."Lachlan, I will burn them down and salt the earth for having done this to you."

Merlin still had enough strength to roll his eyes, "Oh quit being such a drama llama. I'm only dying."

Harry looked a little nonplussed at being called a drama llama, but recovered quick enough. "You are not dying Lachlan, that's an order."

"You are ordering me to not die? Is that in your power?" 

"You will not leave me alone with a grieving Eggsy, the Kingsman will not survive that ticking bomb." Harry sighed, "And I'd not be much better, you know."

Merlin actually managed to get up and placed his hand against the glass. Grinned.

"No." Harry said.

"Come on. When do I get this chance again? Grant a dying man his wish."

"I'll not yell Khan." Harry said.

And they acted out Spock's death scene.

Merlin saw his husband walking down the hall. "My will is up to date and you'll take care of him." Merlin requested quickly.

"I will. But again, I expect all my subordinates to follow my orders." 

"Yes sir." 

Harry left the two men alone, his shoulders slumped just a hair. Merlin did not look good, but a gentleman would never comment.

"You look like shite Merlin." Eggsy glared at his husband. "Start getting better already."

"I'm trying." 

"Try harder." Eggsy was so scared. The doctor said that it was moving through Merlin  faster than it should, some sort of accelerated strain. It would all be done one way or another tomorrow morning.

"I will. You can go"

"Not leaving again." Eggsy gestured at the people who were coming down the hall. "We're going to watch a movie." A large screen was put in place and Singing in the Rain began to play. Merlin slept through most of it.

It was late and Merlin looked worse. 

Eggsy didn't give a fuck and tried to open that second door. But Merlin had locked it from his side.

"I just need to touch you." Eggsy said, voice raw from unshed tears.

Merlin dragged himself and Eggsy's blanket off his cot and rested against his side of the glass. It at least felt cool against his overheated skin. "This will have to do lad." Merlin's breathing was heavy, his organs straining against the illness. His eyes drifted shut.

Eggsy rapped hard on the door, waking him. "No, you can't be doing that. You're going to talk to me."

"About what?" Merlin rasped out. "The weather, football? My will? How I'm not ready to leave you?"

Eggsy's eyes welled. "Your favourite band."

"Sorry?" Merlin wondered if he misheard.

"I know all these big things about you, yeah? But there's all this stupid little shit I don't and you aren't allowed to leave me until I know them. So favourite band."

Eggsy looked so desperate. Merlin would do his best to oblige his husband.

"Radiohead."

"Wasn't expecting that." Eggsy said. "Don't know what I would have thought but not that."

"They are nice to work to."

"Colour."

"That sweater you made me - that's my favourite green." It was so hard to stay awake, but Merlin was trying.

Eggsy kept hammering him with questions about food, movies, anything just to force Merlin to stay.

"Happiest moment." Eggsy was crying a little.

"That first moment when I woke up and saw you in my bed." Merlin passed out shortly after.

Eggsy tried to stay awake to monitor his husband, but eventually succombed to sleep.

He awoke late the next day moved to a different room. He sat up fast and looked around.

Harry came in with tea, toast, and a white protective suit.

Eggsy looked at him heart in his eyes. "Harry."

"I thought you might like to see your husband. He was moved to the medical wing an hour ago. The worst is past."

Harry had the good sense to put the tray down in order to catch the Eggsy that launched into his arms. He held the dear boy for a couple minutes while he cried out his terror and relief.

Eggsy pulled himself together and chugged down the tea and grabbed the gear. Harry walked part of the way with him.

He peeled off at the mission command room. "If you'll excuse me Eggsy I have to direct the team who's resolving the situation. Make sure that they kill everyone in sight."

Fuck sometimes Eggsy is reminded just how scary Harry is. He continued along his way.

As he dressed in the protective gear the doctor explained how weak Merlin was, that recovery would take week's, risk of infection.

But he would live.

Eggsy walked into the room and didn't care about the rules. He climbed up onto the bed and wrapped himself around Merlin.

It felt like the man had lost a stone in just the few days. Merlin looked fragile, which was something Eggsy never expected to see.

Merlin opened his eyes.

"They burned the blanket lad, risk of contagion."

"I'll make a new one." Eggsy buried his masked face into Merlin's neck. The man smelled vile. Eggsy didn't give a damn.

He felt Merlin rub his hand up and down his arm.

Eggsy wanted to say something meaningful, loving.

All he could say was, "I can't believe you don't like pizza, what the hell's wrong with you?"

Merlin chuckled a little,"should I expect divorce papers?"

"Nah I'll survive the shame." Eggsy held him a little tighter. "I'm keeping you."

"It looks like you are at that." Merlin held equally as tight.

 

 

 

 

 


	11. All Healed Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Please please have Eggsy put Merlin in the pants of shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think that if I didn't write a direct fluffy sequel you might have all killed me dead. There was a request for Eggsy to make the pants of shame to go along with the sweater. This meandered in my mind.  
> If I create a specific visual in your brain - I REGRET NOTHING

It was a month before medical would let him go. Merlin had tried to break out in week three, go to the gym to regain strength. Eggsy had chased him down, but he was the second to get there and watched as Harry tackled his husband threw him over his shoulder and forcibly carried the quartermaster back to the hospital wing.

Eggsy filed the visual in his spank bank to enjoy later.

After Merlin was allowed home they still waited a couple more weeks before making love. They both broke down after, thankful that they were still together.

It was another three weeks before Merlin had felt he had caught up on all his work. Also Eggsy put his foot down and insisted they have a couple days off together, especially since Eggsy would be going on a month long mission soon. The advantage to living in Kingsman housing is that Harry was able to lock their home down from the outside, leaving Eggsy to enjoy Merlin in peace. Merlin was going to relax with his husband.

Or else.

Merlin agreed to the imprisonment surprisingly easily.

They ate breakfast and cleared away the dishes. Merlin was ready to move them back to the bedroom but Eggsy shook his head no. Explained that they had something important to talk about.

Merlin sat down concerned with Eggsy's serious face.

"I let this slide until now but I don't want to go on my mission with this on my mind. You would have hid what happened from me. You were willing to not tell me you were sick."

Merlin started to protest but Eggsy just ran over him.

"No, look I'm in the middle of a job, sure you keep it from me, but not when I'm just down the fucking street. You are my goddamn family and we don't hide things from each other, not like this."

"We didn't know what it was, I just wanted to protect you." Merlin reached out and Eggsy just pinched his hand.

"And what if it had been something else that would have killed you quicker and I didn't have a chance to say goodbye?" Eggsy glared, "Not right Lachlan."

Merlin knew his husband had a point. "Sweater of Shame?"

Eggsy grinned and Merlin was terrified.

"You have a choice don't you? There are two items on the bed. There is a new and improved sweater of shame - I paid Mrs Carson 100 quid to make it, new one lights up." Merlin paled in horror. "You'd have to wear it for a week. And just 'cause I'm leaving don't think you'd get to shrink out of it. Rox and Harry would both take photos and you'd have to sit with my knitting group on Sunday morning in the sweater." 

"Or?"

"Or, you can wear the second item on the bed, in this house, just you and me for one day - where you will be my personal slave at my beck and call."

Merlin thought it was an easy pick. He went upstairs for the second item. And quickly came back down. "No Eggsy."

"Yes Eggsy." Eggsy replied not looking up from his phone. 

"There will be no photos, no evidence." Merlin said sternly.

"Can't promise that. But I can promise not to share 'em. If it helps they're made from a really soft cotton and lined with jersey fabric, it'll be comfy."

Merlin sighed and went back upstairs.

He came back downstairs and stood in front of Eggsy at parade rest, "How may I serve you sir?"

Eggsy looked up and his jaw dropped. He snapped a quick photo.

"I will kill you lad." Merlin growled.

"No you won't, turn around let me see the back."

Merlin turned, "Did you have to put ruffles on?"

"Have to? No. Want to? Oh yes." Eggsy took another photo of the rear view. 

"Eggsy, I'm standing in our dining room in knitted 'booty' shorts that have my ass covered in ruffles. This is not a sentence I ever expected to say in my life. This is not a sentence I wanted to say."

No one had as good a long suffering face as Merlin did.

"Now, now, no sass. I feel like chilling with JB on the couch, go fluff the pillows, put on Pacific Rim for me and then fetch me a refreshing beverage and maybe some crisps."

"Yes sir." Merlin bowed a little. The ruffles flounced as he walked.

"Awesome." Eggsy said to himself.

Eggsy wasn't too much of a dick to his husband over the course of the day. And when he made Merlin cook him a nice dinner, well there was a lovely frilly apron that Liz had sewn to protect his chest wasn't there. Eggsy made Merlin leave the apron on while they ate.

Merlin would never admit that the shorts were actually really damn comfortable. The ruffles felt really funny under his ass as he sat though.

"I think an evening scotch is in order. Pour me one of your 15 year old single malt's Merlin and meet me in the living room." Eggsy said a little snootily.

"Cheeky bastard." Merlin said. Eggsy didn't even like scotch that much.

Merlin poured him the third best in the house, like hell his husband was getting the best.

He brought the drink in on a tray. Merlin noticed the pillow at Eggsy's feet.

"Last thing love." Eggsy said quietly, with a questioning brow.

Merlin nodded and sank down gracefully, legs folded under him. The ruffles rested on the heels of his feet. Eggsy sipped his drink and never took his eyes off those ruffles. He kept one hand on Merlin's neck, rubbing a little.

Eggsy finished his drink. He leaned over and kissed Merlin's head. 

"Still better than the new sweater of shame?" He asked.

Eggsy forgot that all of Merlin's time at the office wasn't at his computer, but also at the gym and on the obstacle course. Merlin twisted his body and pulled Eggsy down. Covered him head to toe. Taking advantage of his height over his husband.

Eggsy smiled innocently, "You look good in green."

"Yes I do. Put me in ruffles again, and you'll not like the consequences."

"You know, I think you're wrong about that. These consequences seem just fine to me."

They didn't make it upstairs that night.

**************************

Two months later Merlin walked with Eggsy to the wool shop, they were just enjoying a nice day around town. Liz was hanging out with Mrs Carson and Eggsy bounced over to them.

"Go make yourself a cup of tea Lachlan." Mrs. Carson waved him to the back.

The three stood there and waited.

Merlin came slowly back out and glared at all three of them.

"Why is there a picture of my ruffle covered ass on the cupboard back there?" Merlin looked at his husband, "You said you wouldn't be sharing."

"Liz hacked my phone, didn't she? I didn't share. She found."

"If it helps, it's a lovely ass, dear." Mrs Carson said with a smile.

"I hate you all." Merlin said. He went back to finish his tea.

"Probably shouldn't tell him how that photo's gone viral on tumblr should I?" Eggsy asked.

Liz shook her head, "No, probably not. It is a lovely bottom."

"Even better without the ruffles." Eggsy winked.

Merlin decided he would pretend he hadn't overheard that.

 


	12. And So Eggsy Fell In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Merlin's secret hobby/secret life  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is when Eggsy and Merlin have been dating only for a couple of months.  
> I feel I must warn you - the gooey sappiness even gave me pause.
> 
> Also this story has taken over my life.

"Hey Rox, should I keep dating Merlin?" Eggsy was pushing his food around on his plate, not really eating.

Roxy was stunned at the question, "I thought you guys were doing great, it's been a couple months now. What happened?"

"Nothing." Eggsy shrugged and looked glum.

"Eggsy." Roxy put her fork down.

"It is nothing, he's amazing and cool and we have a good time and the sex is bloody fantastic it is, but..." Eggsy just sort of faded off.

"But?"

Another shrug.

"But?" Roxy pushed.

"I don't love him." Eggsy paused, "I don't think I do. Aren't I supposed to love him by now? I mean he makes me smile and laugh and the day is better with him in it but aren't there supposed to be like fireworks and big declarations and kisses in the rain or somefing?"

Roxy smiled, "In the movies sure. Eggsy if you are unsatisfied in your relationship then yes you should end it. But Eggsy, love is in the quiet moments, not the chase the car down the street moments. Talk to him."

"Sure. Right." 

Roxy rolled her eyes. "Or you can just mope and be confused and struggling until you release the pent up energy on some warehouse that you end up burning to the ground."

************

Eggsy was sitting in Merlin's office and watching his boyfriend. He was proper fit and talented as he guided Percival through the last of his mission. Eggsy really enjoyed watching Merlin do his thing. A short time later Percival was done and Merlin turned off the coms.

He turned to face Eggsy. "Are you going to tell me what's been bothering you the last couple weeks?"

Never can get anything past Merlin.

"Yeah. Probably. Almost sure I will. At some point. Maybe."

"Well that clears things up." Merlin pulled off his glasses and polished them. "Is it about work?"

"Nah."

"Your mother or sister?"

"Nah."

"Us?"

Eggsy didn't respond.

Merlin nodded. "Shall we go to dinner tonight and talk about it then?"

Before Eggsy could answer, Merlin's phone rang. Merlin spoke quietly before hanging up. He then called Harry and asked for a few hours off, as you know who needed his help, they were short on people. Eggsy wondered what it was all about. Merlin smiled, so clearly Harry had approved him taking off at 1 in the afternoon.

"Eggsy I am needed at the hospital."

Eggsy froze, concerned, but Merlin held up a hand.

"I have medic training and I volunteer in a certain wing when they are short staffed. Would you perhaps care to join me?"

"I don't really have training, guv." Eggsy protested.

"For what we'll be helping with, no training is required." Merlin smiled, it was the softest Eggsy had ever seen him look.

Soon enough they were at the hospital and Eggsy was confused why they were in the maternity ward walking to the nurses station by the NICU.

"Oh, Lachlan, thank heaven's." A frazzled nurse said, "Three called out sick today and we've had a run of births, with complications for several of the mothers. We need you to do so SSC and some feedings with donated milk."

"Of course, I'll go wash up. My boyfriend would also be happy to help, I'm sure."

Eggsy nodded agreeably, though he had no idea what was going on. He watched Merlin disappear down the hall.

The nurse smiled, "We got so lucky the day Lachlan signed up to volunteer with the hospital. At first he was down in ICU, but we stole him away. He's so much better suited to us. Now then how do you feel about reading out loud?"

"Amenable." Eggsy said.

20 minutes later Eggsy was scrubbed and in a gown and holding the smallest baby hand ever in an incubator and reading the baby Winnie the Pooh. The tip of his finger was almost bigger than the whole of the hand he was touching. It was heartbreaking seeing the oxygen and IVs going into the baby, but the nurse reassured him that he was helping. He wondered where Merlin had disappeared to.

Eggsy was confused when Merlin sat beside him wearing hospital pants and nothing else. Merlin eased back into the rocking chair and then a nurse came and put a small newborn in his arms. Merlin eased the little boy against his chest and slowly began to rock and hum. The nurse draped a blanket over the two and went to check on the rest of her tiny patients.

Eggsy forgot to read, but he kept gently rubbing his finger over the baby in the incubator. He watched as Merlin hummed and rocked, that wee infant opening and closing its fist against Merlin's chest.

"SSC. Skin to skin contact. It's really important for newborns, but sometimes there are complications with the birth and the mom can't provide right away, and there is no dad about. Little ones need to feel us. When they get overwhelmed here in the unit I come by, help feed babies that need it, rock them and the like." Merlin looked at Eggsy, "Coming here reminds me why we do what we do."

Merlin closed his eye and rested his head against the rocker, pushing gently with his foot and resuming the humming. The small smile on his face was luminous.

Eggsy's could practically feel his heart being reshaped in that quiet moment.

He took a quick photo and sent it to Roxy.  _If he ever smiled at me like that I'd be lost forever wouldn't I_

A couple minutes later Roxy sent back a message _you fucking idiot_.

And there were four photos of Eggsy and Merlin that Roxy had taken around the estate where Eggsy was goofing off or not paying attention. And in every photo Merlin had that smile, that look of grace on his face, as he looked directly at Eggsy.

 _Fuck I'm in love aren't I Rox?_ he texted.

 _No shit,_ was her reply.

Two hours later they left the hospital.

"Now lad, you wanted to go to dinner to talk about something?" Merlin looked so relaxed, calm, in a way he so often didn't.

"Nah, gov, let's just go back to your place." Eggsy said. They began to walk. "Hey, how do you feel about people moving in together even if they've only been together a few months?"

"I'd say if they are deeply in love and aware of the risks, it's nobody's business but theirs." 

"That's good to know. Maybe starting small is good, like spare keys and drawers and stuff yeah?"

"Eggsy would you like a drawer at my place?" Merlin asked with a smile as he opened the door.

Eggsy shrugged. Merlin cleaned out 2 drawers happily.

Later that night when cuddling Eggsy asked, "Do the babies always wear those ugly hats and blankets?"

"Aye, they can't afford nicer. It would be lovely if someone were to donate homemade items."

Eggsy made a trip to the wool shop the next day.

 


	13. There Are Other Kingman You Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: More Bors  
> Prompt: More Percival  
> Prompt: More Roxy and maybe she cross stitches?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be implied Percilot here

Roxy: New Love

Roxy needed to do something. Ever since joining the Kingsman, she had become more restless at night. Riding a horse didn't help, and neither did working out. She needed something that could quiet her, still her so she could sleep. After helping make that get well blanket for Eggsy, she tried knitting but it was too easy to zone out and when she came back to her mind, the restlessness would be there waiting.

Merlin quietly suggested talking to someone.

She didn't need that, she just needed a better activity to occupy her hands and mind when she was alone. Roxy explained this to Sarah. Or she tried to, but she kept getting distracted by the now green curls that were bouncing as Sarah gestured and talked.

"What about crochet? Eggsy said Merlin's actually been taking to that better than knitting and you can't quite zone it out like how you can with good old garter stitch knitting." Sarah had a cheerful smile and patted Roxy's hand. Roxy couldn't stop herself and kissed those pretty delicate fingers, just to watch the blush on Sarah's cheek.

Crochet didn't work.

They were at the salon having a girl day with Daisy as a birthday gift for her.

Daisy suggested colouring books, that she liked colouring before bed. Daisy didn't take her eyes off the Hello Kitty wraps that were being put on her fingernails.

Sarah agreed, "They have these super cool anti-anxiety colouring books for adults."

Roxy rolled her eyes a bit. 

"We can get you scented markers." Sarah offered, grinning.

Roxy noticed the tongue stud in her mouth. She rather forgot about colouring books.

But they didn't do the trick either. Eggsy caught her at it and then they defaced the pages in rather pornographic ways.

Roxy and Sarah were in bed and wrapped around each other, Sarah tucked into Roxy.

Roxy pulled at a blue curl. "Blue is good, but I like the pink."

"That's because that was the colour when you first met me."

Sarah yawned. Roxy started to get out of bed.

"No, I'll wear you out if I have to, but you are staying right here."

Unfortunately Kingsman have more stamina than paralegals.

They were out shopping and Sarah pulled Roxy into a crafting store.

"I think I have it. Cross stitch!" Sarah looked so pleased with herself.

Roxy looked at the wall and saw a rather unfortunate cat on a pillow pattern.

"Ummm, sweetling, I don't." Roxy began.

"No, god no," Sarah reassured her. Sarah held up her phone, "Look stuff like this." And Sarah showed her patterns of mandalas, complex celtic knots, druid symbols, sharp contrast, crisp lines. And a pattern for the Harry Potter line, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Roxy looked at the supplies and back at Sarah, "Why do you think this one will work?"

"Because it's the closet to math really. You have a line and a spot and it is either filled or left open - it's practically binary language. And it's a challenge isn't? They say that the best cross stitchers the back is as neat as the front."

Roxy looked at the hopeful expression on her girlfriend's face and bought the supplies.

And found something that worked.

The first thing she made was the Harry Potter quotation, she knew it was Sarah's favourite. Eggsy helped her frame the uneven lines, with the occasional lumpy slub or missing cross bar.

Sarah hung it in her tiny office.

Roxy slept well.

 

Percival: Lost love

Harry was at home and asleep, as he tended to be at 1am if there wasn't an important mission going on.

But he was alerted that someone was approaching his front door. He sighed, if Eggsy and Merlin had one of their dust ups and Eggsy was coming to crash on his couch...well Harry would let him in.

Still he grabbed a gun and walked quietly down the steps. It was a very polite knock at the door, a rap that was a Kingsman code for all is safe.

He opened the door and saw Percival on his step.

"I apologize for the late hour Arthur, but I find myself at a loss and could use some assistance." Percival looked out of sorts, hair not combed, tie askew.

Harry gestured towards his living room. He brought Percival a drink. 

"Thank you." Percival said. He put the drink down without taking a sip.

Harry unfolded the blanket Eggsy made him last Christmas and put it over Percival's lap. He untied the agent's shoes and slipped his prized bunny slippers onto the man's feet.

Percival smiled a little and looked at Arthur. Did a double take.

"A bit grim isn't that sir?" He gestured to today's eye patch. Eggsy had stitched a bull's eye onto it.

Harry smiled, "I was feeling a little off today too, though I couldn't figure out why."

"Lancelot died 3 years ago today." Percival finally took that sip.

And Harry realized why his agent was on his couch.

Harry poured himself a drink and sat across from Percival. He raised it in silent toast.

They didn't say anything, just sat there, and Percival slowly felt his tension ease. He looked at the floppy bunny ears on his feet.

"Can you imagine what it would have been like if James and Eggsy had ever worked together?"

Harry shuddered in horror at the idea, "We would have had to kept them on separate continents."

"I made this scarf. Only after I was done did I realize that I made it to look like James's favourite hideous plaid." Percival didn't cry, he was past that, but the hurt lingered.

"The women in Eggsy's circle are quite pleased with your talent you know. They took away my knitting supplies. Said it was unfair for innocent yarn to suffer that way."

Percival laughed at the look of outrage on Arthur's face.

"They suggested I actually take up spinning my own yarn, that I have the hands and patience for it."

Harry glowered a little, "Of course they did, you are their favourite."

"Oh I don't know about that sir. I see the Kingsman accounts, I know you've given them all extra security and Mrs. Carson received an interest free loan to remodel the shop. I'd imagine they have a soft spot for you as well."

"I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about." Harry tried for severe, it came out fond.

"Of course sir, my apologies." Percival finished his drink. "I also beg your pardon for the lateness of the hour. I'll let you be."

Percival began to slip the bunny slippers off.

"Michael. I have a very comfortable guest bed. Use it tonight." 

Harry hadn't called him by his given name in fifteen years.

Percival accepted without complaint. Harry lead him upstairs and gave him a spare set of pajamas. Another Eggsy blanket lay on the bed.

"Merlin is lucky to have the lad."

Harry snorted a little, "You haven't had to listen to the music he likes."

"James had dreadful taste. I miss it. I miss him Harry."

"Get some rest." Harry said quietly.

The next morning over tea, Percival was more composed and gave his thanks and was ready to take his leave.

Harry walked him to the door. They politely shook hands.

"Michael, I mean this sincerely. You are welcome at anytime."

"Thank you sir."

Percival left.

A week later he showed up with takeaway and his knitting. It became a weekly ritual.

 

Bors: eternal love

They were all at their usual Sunday morning knitting when Bors ran in like a man possessed. The barista was ready to call the police but Eggsy explained they knew hm.

"Mrs. Blackwell, I finally got it." Children at Christmas were less bouncy than Bors in that moment. "All of you come along." 

They all followed him to the Kingsman estate. He lead them out onto the back lawn where he had chairs and refreshments set up. He then picked up what looked like a rocket launcher.

He placed it on his shoulder and aimed at the nearby shrub. He pulled the trigger and out shot a loose ball of yarn that expanded and just covered the shrub in random bits and strands of yarn. It was a glorious mess. The whole of the knitting group clapped - Eggsy cheered.

Bors walked back to them. "It's a modified air canon, like they they use at games to throw t-shirts at the crowd. Haven't quite figured out a bomb bomb yet but this is pretty well done isn't it?" Bors was grinning like a loon as he looked at the yarn covered bush.

"Pretty well done?" Eggsy asked, "It's brilliant. Let me have a go." He ran over and picked up the launcher.

Bors sat down and had a cookie. Mrs. Blackwell patted his hand.

"Very amusing dear. We'll definitely use it the next time we go out." She said and Bors beamed. "But my dear I have to ask, do you ever put this much care and thought into gifts for your wife? Eggsy's told us some stories about you and she."

Bors grinned as Eggsy whooped at the flying yarn. He turned that beaming smile onto Mrs. Blackwell. He loved how all the knitting ladies fussed over the Kingsman.

"Nah, ma'am it's all fine. She works in R&D here. Help me adapt that. She's working on a landmine for us that shoots glitter yarn instead of shrapnel, isn't she as an anniversary gift for me."

Mrs. Blackwell laughed, there was a perfect someone for everyone out there.


	14. Going to the dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: making stuff for the aging Kingsman dogs. Maybe JB gets jealous.
> 
> My brain took this on a slightly different journey.
> 
> Pure fluff/crack

JB knew there were rules. Sit, heel, off the sofa. Boring ones that he only paid attention to sometimes.

There were the important rules. Stay out of the yarn, no matter how soft and comfy it was. Don't chew Not Dad's shoes. Never go into the one closet where they hide the things that go boom.

And there were JB's rules. Love Dad. Love Not Dad. Sleep on Not Dad's feet when Dad is away. Give Dad 22 face licks when he comes home from being away. Guard the little flower and ignore when she tugs his tail. Snuggle in the special JB blanket and bed Dad made for him.

Only he was confused. Dad was making a new bed and special blanket. But that didn't make sense, he had just gotten his broken in perfectly. But he was also hiding the project from Not Dad. 

JB was just as good a super spy as Dad and Not Dad. He investigated.

Only he wasn't that good a spy and maybe forgot what he was supposed to do when he found Ball. Ball had been hiding. Not Dad took him to the park and it was awesome.

And then one day Dad took him for a walk, a big walk, where Dad was talking about something in his serious voice. JB tried really hard to pay attention, but the air smelled nice and leaves were crunching under his paws. He wanted to run.

"Right here we are then." Dad said. 

JB looked at the building. Boring.

He heard barks. Maybe not boring, maybe friends.

They went inside and JB froze. Cages and dogs in them, looking lonely. He whimpered and looked at Dad.

Dad wouldn't be leaving him. Cages were bad.

Dad bent down, "I know you've been seeing what I was working on. I thought we could get Lachlan a friend, a best mate just like how I have you. It's his birthday. But before we do that, need to make sure you get along with that dog don't we?"

Oh. New bed. New dog. A friend to help take care of Not Dad. JB barked, it seemed like a good idea. It was hard taking care of the two men on his own.

JB lead Dad down the row and looked at the other dogs. Some barked, some ignored him, and then there was him.

He was pretending to ignore them, but keeping his on eye them. He was big, JB thought he could actually walk under him. He was tan coloured sort of like some of the sweaters that Not Dad wore.

JB paused out front of his cage. Sat, said hello.

"What's this then?" Dad asked the woman with them.

"An English Mastiff. A loyal breed, protective. Affectionate. He just grew too big for the owners. He's been fixed and trained."

JB barked a little bit. He was bored, just let him play with new friend already.

Dad asked for the lady to open the cage. 

"I'm not sure how he'll react to your pug." But the woman opened the cage.

JB walked in and the Mastiff lowered it's head. They stared at each other and the Mastiff flopped. JB immediately climbed onto his back and settled in. Grinned at Dad. This was the perfect dog for Not Dad.

"Does he have a name?" 

"Yes, Sir Rodderick."

JB looked as Dad rolled his eyes.

"You good with us calling you Q?" The mastiff woofed and JB wiggled on his back, it was a fun ride.

Q left with his new family.

On the walk back home JB explained the rules to Q who listened patiently.

JB was right, he could just run under Q's legs.

They all walked into the house. Not Dad was still at work.

Dad brought out all the things he made for Q and set them up beside JB's stuff. JB made sure to show Q what was JB's and that his blanket was a no touch. Q agreed. JB shared Ball with him.

Dad hung up streamers and brought them treats to celebrate. Q looked impressed at the quality of treat. Dad treated them good. JB knew Q would like it here.

They all heard the door open. Dad put on a stupid hat.

Not Dad came in and Dad shouted Happy Birthday.

"It's not for another week lad." Not Dad said kissing Dad. JB warned Q they did that a lot. Q never took his eyes off of Not Dad.

Not Dad saw Q. Paused.

"What have ye done?"

"Got you a friend to look after you. JB does a good job, but thought you needed extra." Dad grinned.

Not Dad crouched and looked at Q. 

"Hello there, you look lovely." Not Dad held out his hand. Q looked concerned. JB barked at him, Not Dad was good, he promised.

Q leaned into the hand. JB thought it was neat to see them fall in love.

Dad picked up JB and snuggled him, "Think you made a good pick there JB." They watched as Q fell into Not Dad's lap. And the two hugged and petted and looked like it was fun. "Come on JB let's let them have a moment."

Dad took him for another walk. "You'll show him the ropes yeah? Let him know how it all works?"

JB barked at Dad. Of course, he was the older dog, he would take care of Q, but all subtle like, spy like, just how Dad took care of Not Dad without Not Dad really noticing.

Take care of Q was added to JB's list of personal important rules that really mattered.

 


	15. Sleepover at Harry's Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Eggsy and Merlin have a big fight, like super oh crap are we going to break up fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Sheepie wanted the big ass fight and I made Ana_Kagetsu ship Harry/Percival and this came to mind. It actually deviates from the prompt enough that I'll do another one with the big drag out fight another time, but just know that was where the germ of this story came from.

Harry had come to look forward to Thursday nights. Percival brought amusing takeaway and Harry always tried to shock him with his latest eye patch. He had a lovely bottle of red open and breathing, and a fire prepped. He was also hoping it would be one of the rare times Percival stayed over, he had found an amusing waffle iron and wanted to experiment in the morning.

Thus he was a little more chipper than usual when he opened the front door. Percival was early.

He immediately deflated.

"Eggsy, no." Harry sighed. He tried then to pull himself back up, look stern, but it was marred by the My Little Pony eye patch Daisy had made him in art class.

"Eggsy, yes?" Eggsy said hopefully. He was shivering a little being out in just a grandpa cardigan he had made for himself as a lark but desperately loved.

"I have plans." Harry replied.

Eggsy made his eyes big and even added in a whimper.

Harry tugged him in.

"You have a mother, you have Roxy. Why don't you bother them?"

"Mum took Daisy to Disney and Roxy is moping 'cause Sarah's away on a business trip." Eggsy strode into the house, headed for the living room. Harry tried to steer him towards the kitchen.

"Jamal? You are aware I am Merlin's friend first, he should be the one coming to me when you two have a disagreement." 

Eggsy just kept going towards the living room, as usual there was no stopping him. "Jamal works nights right now, made his way up to supervisor."

"Good for him." Harry said, "Still, I don't think."

"Harry," Eggsy paused and looked at the room, "why this place set up for romance?"

"It isn't."

"Tis."

"Tisn't"

"Tis."

"Tisn't." Harry swore inside his head, "I am expecting company however. And I don't mean to be curt, but would you just leave?"

Of course the doorbell rang.

Eggsy grinned and bolted for the door. Harry missed as he tried to grab the boy. He still had problems with depth perception when in a rush.

"Hey!" Eggsy said as he yanked open the door. His jaw dropped at the sight of Percival in casual trousers and a sweater carrying what smelled like Thai.

Percival was as unshakable as ever. "Good evening, Galahad, are you joining us for dinner?"

"No." Harry quickly said.

"Yes." Eggsy rejoined.

"Very good. I'll just go get plates and the like from the kitchen and meet you in the living room." Percival walked through the house casually, easily.

Once he was out of sight Harry dragged Eggsy into the living room. "You will eat fast and make your regrets." He hissed.

Eggsy was grinning like a loon, his fight with Merlin was right now forgotten. "Harry, you trying to get a leg over with Percival?"

"Of course not." 

Eggsy was horrid, "Harry and Percival sitting in a tree,"

Harry shut his eyes and prayed for patience. "We are not in a relationship. Percival came over one night, lonely, missing his Lancelot and we talked. Soon we started having weekly dinners. If enough wine is consumed, he will make use of my guest room."

Eggsy looked at the living room again, "Come on bruv, you can't tell me you aren't trying to get a leg over."

"Eggsy, when you get to be our age, and are alone, sometimes simple companionship is a wonderful and precious thing." Harry could hear Percival coming, "Please, be kind dear boy."

Three hours later Harry was wondering why he hadn't taken Merlin up on the offer to have a laser fake eye installed as Percival and Eggsy were happily settled in on the couch and knitting. Harry wasn't even sure where the yarn appeared from.

He took another gulp of his scotch, the wine long gone, mostly consumed by Eggsy.

"So tell me about you and Lancelot then, how long was you together? What was he like? Tell me about this mission on a private island that he and Bors did that if you mention makes Merlin's right eye twitch?"

Percival opened his mouth to begin the epic tale.

"Oh really, that's enough." Harry complained. "If we are to have story hour shouldn't you be in pajamas, perhaps with Roxy here as well and you braiding her hair?" Harry shouldn't have had that second scotch.

Harry was pouring a fourth scotch. Who knew that Eggsy and Roxy had matching Superman and Supergirl pajamas? 

"Told you she could get here right quick." Eggsy winked at Harry.

Harry ignored it and watched as Eggsy and Roxy settled on the ground at Percival's feet. Which were covered in Harry's bunny slippers. He had confiscated them after that first visit. But Harry wasn't pouting.

Percival smiled down at the young agents, "It was the mid-90s and Lancelot and Bors were sent on a mission together. It was a terrible idea."

Eggsy started to play with Roxy's hair.

Harry was on scotch number 5 when the doorbell rang.

"Yes, the pizza's here!" Eggsy cheered from the ground.

All three looked at Harry. 

"Storytelling has made me a little peckish I will admit." Percival said charmingly.

Harry went to the door, and saw a mopey Merlin. He threw up his hands in despair. "One night a week for myself, that is all I ask. If I had know becoming Arthur would involve all of this I would have stayed dead." Harry glowered at Merlin. And saw the horribly tacky pizza delivery van pull up. "You are paying for that!" Harry stormed back in and got more plates.

Merlin had no idea what was going on but paid for the pizza. He walked into the foyer and could hear all the voices in the living room. He walked in with the pizza and saw his husband wrestling with Roxy on the ground like two overgrown puppies. He couldn't stop the smile the spread over his face.

"Percival." Merlin acknowledged.

"Merlin." Percival put down his knitting at the sight of the pizza.

Harry tromped back in and put the plates down hard. Eggsy and Roxy dove in. Percival thanked Harry for the slice that was passed to him. Harry's grumpy face softened for a moment. Until he saw Eggsy watching him. He went back to frowning and ate his slice.

"Merlin, Percival's told us about the Lancelot/Bors mission." Eggsy was cheerful. He might have been raiding Harry's beer. He had long stopped being in a funk because of the fight they had. 

Sure enough Merlin's eye twitched.

"Come man, it wasn't that bad." Percival joked.

Merlin glared, "it was worse."

"Oh I don't know, worse than you and Harry and that stripper in Montreal?" Percival smiled. Everyone in the room froze, Merlin and Harry in terror, Eggsy and Roxy in excitement.

"Tell us! Tell us!" Eggsy actually clapped his hands. Roxy was bouncing up and down. That vodka and red bull was probably a bad idea.

Merlin joined Harry in the scotch.

Somehow it was 1am and they were all lounging about the living room, slowly drifting off. Everyone was on the floor, covered in blankets that Eggsy had made, pillows brought from downstairs.

There was a scraping at the door. Harry was the most awake despite having had the most to drink.

He opened the door. "Really? REALLY?" He looked down and gestured, "Fine then, your masters are in the living room. I don't even know how you found them." Q and JB went in and snuggled down by Merlin and Eggsy.

Merlin had fallen asleep, head on Eggsy's stomach, holding him like a rag doll. Roxy was sprawled like a starfish closest to the fire that had been tamped down, and Percival had moved back onto the couch and was snuggled under Harry's favourite blanket, having also confiscated that. Harry strode over and picked up Percival's feet and sat down, pulling them on top of him.

He was too old to fall asleep sitting up, but he didn't care, he was really too old to be on the floor. And he wanted his blanket. He made himself as comfortable as possible and fell asleep rubbing Percival's leg.

 

Somehow in the morning it was Harry and Eggsy making breakfast for everyone. Percival was in the shower, Merlin was walking the dogs and Roxy was still asleep. Harry was still a little grumpy, and his neck was stiff. Still he whipped up batter as the waffle iron warmed. Eggsy was frying a rasher of bacon.

"Saw Percival stole the bunny slippers, I'll make you another pair. Want them to match?" Eggsy grinned a little. Nudged Harry. 

Harry rolled his eyes, "That is unnecessary." He poured some batter in, "But if you are bored, of course another set would be welcome."

"Not a prob, bruv." Eggsy pulled some of the bacon off, and put more in the pan. "And thanks for last night. It was good, yeah?"

"It was something." Harry replied.

"Harry, you said you were alone. But you aren't, not really yeah? You got Merlin, who else has a best friend like that, even if you two do take the piss? Daisy loves her Uncle Harry, and hell me and Rox are practically your kids." Eggsy looked serious for a moment, "And whatever you and Percival are doing, if it makes you happy, well that's a good thing innit?"

Harry smiled gently, "Thank you Eggsy." He added the waffle to the stack keeping warm in the oven.

"But tell him if he wants to propose, he has to ask me permission."

Harry smacked Eggsy with the kitchen tea towel.

 

Percival was the last to leave. "This was not what I anticipated for our evening, but I can't say that I didn't enjoy myself." He opened the door, "I'll see you at the office. I was thinking perhaps Italian for next Thursday."

Harry thought about what Eggsy said. About how pleased he was with Percival's company. "Maybe we could go out for Italian Sunday evening?"

Percival paused and thought about it. He nodded "That sounds lovely Harry."

"I'll find a good place then. Have a good day Michael."

Percival leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Harry's cheek. "You as well Harry."

Harry smiled as he closed the door. And then clued in to it all. He had a date. He couldn't remember his last date that wasn't a mission. Crap. 

He needed Merlin and Eggsy to help him out.

He was never going to hear the end of this.


	16. Surprise?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no given prompt, this is something I wanted to write

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This doesn't come from a specific prompt, but gets its impetus from this: it was my kid's birthday today and one of my favourite parks and rec moments (Leslie planning up Ron's birthday).

Everyone was avoiding Merlin. He knew he had been a little bit tense the last couple of weeks, but he didn't think it was that bad.

He said so to Harry as they were going over some field reports.

"Here is the list of resignations, requested leaves, voluntary missions to Siberia and the lower Amazon Basin, pleas for reassignment, and how many boxes of tissues we've gone through since the start of the month." The file Harry handed to Merlin was not small. Neither was the frown on Harry's face. "I understand that this is a stressful time for you, but we are bleeding staff that we cannot afford to lose. Get it together, it is not that big a deal. I turned 55 a couple months ago."

"No, but you're not married to a lad who isn't even turning 30 for another few months." Merlin's voice was harsh. He really wasn't taking the arrival of his birthday well.

"Do you think that you'll hit some magic number and Eggsy will up and leave you?" Harry patted Merlin's hand with sympathy. "He won't." Merlin smiled a little, "He's going to leave you because you're being a colossal prick." Harry smiled charmingly.

Merlin got up to leave.

As he was headed to the door, Bors came stumbling in, "Arthur we've got a problem with the balloon order. It's all buggered up. What's Merlin's favourite -"

Harry made a kill motion across his neck and Bors finally noticed Merlin.

"Shit." Bors left quickly.

Merlin turned back and was ready to lay into Harry but Harry picked up his phone and faked an emergency call and ran out of his office. Merlin stole his best bottle of whiskey in retaliation.

That night in bed, Merlin exhausted Eggsy.

As they were drifting off, Merlin asked, "You're not planning a party or anything are you? You know I don't want a fuss for my birthday."

Eggsy froze a little in bed, "Nope, no one's planning anything. You said you didn't want anything, you don't get anything." Eggsy turned his head and gave Merlin a quick kiss, "I love you Lachlan." It took twenty minutes for the fake snores to become real ones.

Merlin sighed. Surprise party great. Just great.

 

Merlin started to track everyone's conversations more. He never caught much, just these little snippets. He heard the words cake, streamers, and he couldn't repress the shudder, dj. He begged Harry to get Eggsy to stop whatever it was he was doing. Harry insisted that nothing was going on. And then faked another emergency. And ran.

Next he went to Roxy, who insisted that Eggsy would never plan something against Merlin's wishes. Her eyes were big and at first she tried for serious and sweet but when Merlin kept hammering her with questions, she switched to righteous indignation on her best friend's behalf. Merlin watched as she sent herself into a full fake strop yelling about trust and loyalty in marriage and how dare he question the intentions of his husband and then Merlin sort of lost track, impressed with how red in the face she was getting. Her ponytail actually swung as she turned and stomped down the hallway.

He went to ask Percival questions about this upcoming surprise party but the man just looked at Merlin and slipped on a beautiful new pair of fingerless gloves. With a matching hat. Merlin just walked away knowing that the man wouldn't say a damn word.

Tristan was in the office, but Merlin knew not to ask him anything. About anything. Ever.

Merlin even went to the wool shop. Before he could ask a single question, Mrs Carson just looked at him. "Turn right around now."

Merlin turned around.

Merlin started to monitor the internal video feeds more. Saw Eggsy talking to people that he barely knew, passing them money as they went by. He kept hearing reference to the ballroom.

He waited until 1am after he finished a mission and went to investigate the ballroom.

Bors was standing guard.

"Sorry mate, you aren't supposed to be here." Bors looked a little panicked. "Can't you just pretend you were never here, that you don't know anything? He's working so hard on this. Just be a good husband and act surprised later in the week yeah?"

"Bors," Merlin crossed his arms and glared, "are you lecturing someone about being a good husband?"

"Hey, I screw up. Sometimes. A lot. But have you ever once doubted how I feel about her and what I would do to make her happy?"

Merlin nodded, the man had a point. One time Bors had run back into a building that was burning to the ground to find a gun barrel that his wife wanted to examine to see if she could reproduce it in R&D.

"When do I have to be all happy and surprised?" Merlin asked morosely. 

"Friday, Harry's going to take care of bringing you round." Bors made a shooing gesture and Merlin went back to his office and crashed on his couch. 

 

Two days later, Eggsy kissed him good morning and had brought in pastries on a tray. There was also an elaborate gift bag.

Merlin sighed, "I thought we agreed no big deal." He was dreading the party later.

Eggsy pinched him. "You agreed no big deal. I don't think strudel and a gift is exactly a big deal, now do you?"

Merlin grinned a little and tore into the gift.

He pulled out a beautiful new matching set of hat, gloves, and scarves that put Percival's bribe set to shame. Merlin had been with Eggsy long enough to know the feel of a silk and...

"Quivit." Eggsy supplied, knowing what Merlin was looking for, "Ain't that shite soft as a baby's ass?"

Merlin hummed an agreement and wrapped himself in the soft and light but oh so warm gift set. He moved the tray and pulled Eggsy into a hug.

They snugged for a bit before Eggsy bounced up and away. Merlin finally clued in that Eggsy was in a track suit.

"Where are you off to then?" Merlin asked sipping his coffee.

"Roxy and me doing bunch of training today. Should be fun. Then you know later I'll see you yeah?" Eggsy couldn't quite look at Merlin. He ran out of their house.

Merlin got ready for work.

It was 4pm when Harry stepped into Merlin's office. Merlin wished he could say he was wrapped up in a mission but everyone was either at home or in a quiet stage of a problem.

He spun in his chair and faced Harry. "So what happens now?"

Harry was wearing a lovely suit and a Batman eye patch.

"Now I take my dear friend out for a drive and dinner to celebrate his 55th birthday." 

Merlin stood, "Can I at least get a little bit drunk in order to survive the night?"

Harry tossed Merlin a flask. "You can even 'pregame' as the kids say."

Merlin took a healthy swig and followed Harry out to where the driver was waiting with the car.

They sat in the back seat and Merlin took another swig. 

Harry started to laugh. And laugh. And sway. And turn a funny colour.

Merlin looked at the flask. And looked at his best friend.

"Bastard." Merlin said, voice slurring.

"You were so easy to fool. You so expected Eggsy to do the one thing you didn't want him to, that you never thought that he might actually have listened to you." Harry laughed, "You shouldn't have been this easy to play. You're getting soft in your age."

Merlin passed out.

 

He came to slowly to the sound of water and low music. He could smell a fire and wild flowers. He was in a very comfortable bed wrapped in his favourite Eggsy blanket. He could see his husband sitting in a chair by the fire. Eggsy was looking at him and smiling.

"Got you." Eggsy grinned, "Totally and completely got you."

Eggsy stood and poured out some water from a pitcher. He brought the glass over to Merlin who drank it, so very thirsty.

Merlin said the first thing that came to him, "At least the new drug seems to work well. A little hallucinatory before you pass out though."

Eggsy couldn't stop the sharp bark of laugh that came out.

Merlin smiled. "I should be mad that you drugged me."

"I should be mad that you fell for such an obvious fake surprise birthday party. We're all fucking spies, you think we'd all be that stupid?" Eggsy looked at him and shook his head. "I should be mad that you didn't think I'd listen to you. Merlin why would I ever try to throw you a surprise party?" Eggsy looked at his husband.

Merlin tried to figure out his answer. All he could come up with was, "I thought you might want to make me feel better about getting older. I know I had been 'a colossal prick' and figured you would try to make me see age doesn't matter or some such."

Eggsy just raised a brow at Merlin.

"Yes all right that was stupid of me." Merlin agreed.

"Yup." Eggsy cupped his husband's face. "This is me making it better. We have a cabin in Dover all to ourselves for a week. Just you and me. And me reminding you of how much I love you. And that yeah you're getting older and yeah there's a lot of years between us, but Merlin," Eggsy grinned, "you'll always be the guv."

"Well then. Happy Birthday to me." Merlin pulled Eggsy into bed.

As they were falling asleep Eggsy said, "You know you have to wear the sweater of shame for being that easy to trick right?"

"I figured." Merlin hugged his husband tight, "Can I just wear the shorts instead?"

"I brought three new pairs. You'll be living in them this week. One has little bells attached to the ruffles."

Merlin groaned.

But knew he had to pay the price.

And Eggsy would make it worth it.

 


	17. Charity Knitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: the knitting circle ropes the kingsman into doing their annual christmas charity knitting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to tie this into the volunteering that Merlin does with NICU.

It was November 1st and Eggsy's knitting circle was making their way to the Kingsman estate. Merlin saw them all enter the bullet train with bulging bags and a determined look. He made sure that the Imperial March played through the whole estate. Sarah giggled when she got off the train and heard that.

They all headed towards the library and set up shop, started knitting as if it was perfectly normal to do so.

A few minutes later Harry, Eggsy, and Merlin walked in.

Harry tried for a stern look, "Ladies, welcome. May I ask what you are doing here?"

"November 1st." Mrs. Carson said. All the ladies nodded.

"Oh, right!" Eggsy said cheerfully. Liz tossed him a ball of soft cotton with needles sticking out. He sat on the ground at Mrs. Blackwell's feet and got to work.

"What does that mean?" Harry asked. "And you do recall that this isn't just a place you can invade at will? We do serious work here."

"Oh hush boy." Doris said. "It's November 1st and time to get to work. Well not you, you are still dreadful. But everyone else is expected to help out."

Harry turned to Merlin for aid. But Merlin just shrugged. He loved watching Doris take Harry down.

Harry thought about pulling at his hair, but he wouldn't look good bald.

"Explain. Now! That's an order." Harry fairly growled.

Eggsy took pity on his boss. "November 1st means we start the Christmas knitting for a cause. It was my pick what charity we did this year, hence the invasion."

"And it was a lovely idea, Eggsy." Mrs. Carson reassured. "We just thought since this was a cause near and dear to the Kingsman, you all would help out."

"Oh?" Merlin finally asked.

"We're making nicer hats and blankets for the NICU you volunteer at." Sarah said cheerfully.

Merlin's eyes didn't well. Liz handed him a ball of yarn and a crochet hook. "Here I'll show you a sweet little hat pattern." He settled in with the ladies.

"Now fetch us some tea and any agents that are available for work." Doris said waving a hand at Harry.

Harry did as he was told.

*****************************

Merlin took awhile, but he eventually finished one hat, very proud of himself.

Liz had done four in that time, but made sure to praise his work. Eggsy kissed him on the cheek.

Harry was sent to get more tea. He asked to be allowed knitting needles again. Everyone shouted no.

*****************************

"Oh, that is just a beautiful blanket." Mrs. Carson gushed.

Percival had made a small star blanket that started white at the centre and slowly shifted colour into a beautiful rich plum. Everyone ooohed and aahhhed.

He shot a smug look at Harry who was moping in a corner. 

"Now this pattern is a little more complex, but I do think you are up to the challenge. I've never seen someone take to knitting like you have dear." Mrs Carson handed a pattern over that had cabled owls on it. Percival shot an even smugger look at Harry. With a wink.

Harry grumbled under his breath. He left the room, stealing a pair of needles and a ball of yarn on his way out, determined to prove them all wrong.

30 minutes later he came back with some money to replace the supplies. He still wasn't sure how he broke the needle.

*****************************

“No a newborn hat that sort of looks like a grenade is not the best gift for a NICU unit.” Mrs. Blackwell said kindly to Bors.

They were all sitting around having a lovely lunch break. 

"It's pink!" Bors protested, holding up the teeny tiny hat. 

"Still, not sure it is quite appropriate." Mrs. Blackwell explained.

"Why not?" Bors pouted a little. "Grenades are tough, strong, just like these wee babies fighting for their lives. It's that Frida Kahlo thing, the person being a ribbon around a bomb."

Eggsy, Roxy, and the whole knitting circle just looked at Bors stunned.

He flushed a little, "What?"

Roxy tilted her head a little, "Bors, how do you know about Frida Kahlo?"

He shrugged, "Got sent on a mission to Mexico for two months, had to do something, ended up at museums and shit to kill time. She's cool ain't she? Badass and all that. Bought a book on her, as a souvenir."

Merlin and Harry snorted a little, "Thought your wife was your souvenir from that trip." Harry said.

"You go call her a souvenir, see how you do." Bors said to Harry.

"It is what you called her when you brought her in." Merlin reminded him.

"Yeah and I haven't made that mistake in 15 years have I?" Bors said, "I do sometimes learn my lesson."

"Wait, wait. How did you get a wife on a mission?" Eggsy asked.

"She was a guerilla fighter against some of the drug cartels. She realized I was there to go after this one particular guy. She got me into the compound, helped me blow up some stuff, things evolved. When I left, she said she'd kneecap me if I didn't take her along. Bullied R&D until they hired her. She was always happier making toys for people to use for killing, rather than actually doing the killing."

Eggsy walked over and knelt at Bors's feet. "You are my hero." He raised and lowered his arms in a mockery of worship.

Mrs. Blackwell sighed, refused to admit she thought that was a little romantic. "Fine but if anyone asks it isn't a grenade, it's a fruit hat."

***************************

By December 10th they had created a large number of items for the NICU and had even made a bunch of toys for the children's wing as well. They just had to figure out how to package it all and deliver it.

Here, finally Harry put his foot down. "No, now is my time to shine." He glared at everyone assembled. "I have a plan."

A week later they were all sitting in the library where Merlin had set up a screen at Harry's request. They were drinking mulled cider and there was soft music playing.

Harry signaled for Merlin to link into the hospital's security cameras.

They watched as Santa delivered the toys to the children's ward. Smiled at all the bouncing the kids did at the extra treats, snuggling the bears and other animals that had been sent. Santa left the room.

Then Harry checked his phone and indicated to change the feed to the nurses station at the NICU. Where they watched the Santa roll a new incubator filled with all the knitted gifts into their hands.

Several of the nurses cried at the bounty. The one who was the savviest of them looked up at the camera in the corner and mouthed  _Thank You._  

They watched as the nurses slipped the hats onto the babies, replacing the boring ones. They wrapped the babies in the new soft blankets, cooing over the super hero ones, sighing over flowers and owls.

Merlin turned off the feed. Raised his glass to everyone in the room, "Thank ye so much for doing this."

Eggsy hugged his husband, who was trying hard to not get too emotional.

Doris walked up to Harry. "You did good. You may have one ball of yarn and one set of needles. We will try again. You will not disappoint me this time."

It was all Harry could do not to cheer, "Yes ma'am. Thank you ma'am." He bent down and kissed her cheek. She swatted him away.

They all could hear Bors say, "See didn't the baby look cute in the hat?"

 

 


	18. Q is a Good Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: more dog POV please. Maybe Q's POV about dealing with Daisy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man did you guys love the chapter from JB's POV. So enjoy some Q.

JB was welcome to call them Dad and Not Dad, and that was fine. But Q knew better. He was Q (and so happy no one had once called him Sir Rodderick. He felt his name was Horatio, but Q was quite acceptable), and JB was JB and he had listened to their two people and they were M and E. Sometimes M was L but that was mostly when they closed the bedroom door. JB agreed with Q that it was sad when they were closed away.

Q liked his new home. He remembered his last owners, they were nice but didn't want to keep him.

M and E seemed like they wanted to keep him. He wasn't sure if he completely trusted it.

JB said he was keeping Q that he needed the help and a friend. JB said he was really the boss of M and E.

So maybe Q could stay this time.

JB had said there was only one more thing he had to do to make sure that he stayed. And that was be nice to the flower.

Q was a little confused. He never peed on the flowers in the garden, only the tree. 

But E was all excited about someone coming over. There was all sorts of new pink things made.

JB explained that the flower liked pink things. That M and E liked the flower. That they had to protect the flower and not react when the flower pulled tails. The flower also gave lots of pets and hugs.

M was brushing Q, it was a ritual of theirs. It made Q feel very loved. M even would give him a treat and hugs. Q liked hugs. He didn't want to give up M's hugs. So he would be a good dog. And let the flower do whatever it wanted. He wouldn't be sent back.

E came home. Q heard him and a lot of little squeals. Q turned to JB.

Flower, JB explained. He looked happy.

Q sat politely like how M liked and waited. E came in with...a girl.

Not flower, Q huffed to JB, girl.

No flower. JB said. Listen.

"Hey Daisy, this is Uncle Lachlan's new dog Q. Q this is my little sister Daisy. Say hello you two." The girl waved and Q barked quietly.

Q looked at JB who had walked over to the girl and was getting very very firm pets. Really firm pets. Q wondered how JB wasn't getting upset.

"Gentle Daisy. Remember to be gentle."

"Gentle." She said seriously. Q watched her touch a little lighter. JB woofed and went to beside Q.

See Daisy. Flower. JB explained.

Q understood. But still she was D. That's how the family names worked.

"Right!" E clapped his hands, "Who wants to go to the dog park?" Q perked up, he loved the park. The running around space was amazing. And sometimes JB and he played with The Ball. JB was right about that. It was a really nice ball. Q went to the door to wait politely while JB bounced and barked about. Q watched E wrap D in all the new pink things to keep her warm at the park.

Q still couldn't figure out why his people didn't have proper fur. 

Q watched D fuss about getting in her stroller, she wanted to walk, but E promised a hot chocolate and she climbed in. They locked up the house and walked to the park.

The second they were in the right place E took off the leashes. Q ran around a bit, stretching his legs. Looked for other dogs he knew. It was a quiet day, he barked at a couple friends.

He ran as far as he was allowed and returned to his group.

They were all playing with The Ball. Q wanted to play too. He barked to get E's attention. Q looked at E's arm went back and he ran as The Ball went far. He got it and brought it back. Dropped it at D's feet. The girl giggled and patted his face. It was a little too strong but nice.

She rolled the ball to JB who hopped on it happily. Q noticed she had dropped a mitten. He carefully picked it up with his teeth and put it in the stroller. Q learned quickly, be nice to the things E makes. The yarn box is one of the big no go places in the house. 

Q huffed a little as she took off her other mitten. Silly little girl. She didn't know the be nice to the soft things rule. He went and picked it up and put it in the stroller. By the time she and JB were tired, Q had also rescued her hat and scarf and sweater. 

"Thanks Q, you're the best, just like your Merlin yeah?" E praised. Q puffed up a little. E was always saying nice things. M did nice things, E said them. They were a team like that. "Let's get hot chocolate!"

D cheered and climbed into her stroller. They walked over to the stall and E tied their leashes to the stroller while he turned and paid. JB had sat down and wasn't paying attention. D was pulling at Q's collar a bit. But it wasn't so bad.  E had stepped away more than Q thought he should. Q barked. E turned his head and tried to order while keeping an eye on them. Q knew E was a spy and smart and could do two things at once.

E stopped looking just to pay. Q saw boys running their way. They had a pink bag. Q could hear a woman scream. He didn't think the pink bag was theirs. And the way they were running, they would hit D. No. JB said they protected D. Q was a good dog. Q snapped his neck hard to the side and the safety catch on his collar broke free. Q planted himself a few steps in front of the stroller. 

Q growled and barked and tackled the boy who would have run into D. The two other boys screamed and ran away in a different direction. Q bared his teeth.

No hurting D, he growled at the boy.

JB was very impressed. He helped by peeing on the boy.

E came running over and Q stepped off the bad boy. He went back to stand by D. Draped his head over the side of the stroller. Licked her hand to let her know it was all okay. No bad boys would run into her. Q took his job seriously. JB licked at Q's leg. He was proud of his new friend. Q was smart and followed the important rules.

E had to talk to men in funny uniforms before they could all go home. D was clearly tired and bored. Q barked at the uniform guys to hurry up. E gave them his number and they all left.

Q wondered if he was in trouble for breaking his collar off. He wasn't supposed to know that he could get out of his collar.

JB kept saying it was good, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe Q wouldn't get to stay.

They went into the house, and found M. E told M what happened while washing D's face and hands for dinner.

M looked at Q. It was M's serious face. Q was worried.

"I see." M said. "Q with me, while Eggsy gets Daisy settled into her booster seat."

JB gave him a silly little smile.

Q followed M into the family room. He looked at his bed and the blanket E had made just for him. He wondered if he would get to keep it when they sent him back.

Q whined a little.

But he stopped when he realized M was hugging him. M was hugging him. And saying good dog over and over. Oh and scratches too. Hmmm M scratches so nice.

"Q I'm very proud of you. You did a very good thing at the park. I am so very happy that JB picked you out for our family. Good dog." Q couldn't stop it, though he knew he wasn't really supposed to. He licked M's face. And did it again when M said one of the bad words.

That night Q and JB talked it out. JB would take first watch and Q the second.

When it was his turn, Q dragged his blanket in front of D's room and sat down on it.

It was his turn to protect the flower.

He would do a good job. He was a good dog.

M said so.


	19. Non Narrative Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is news not an actual new chapter

Hi to all my dear and wonderful readers. 

This chapter is not a chapter, but in fact an announcement:

I've started a Knitter Eggsy RP blog over on tumblr.

It's title is [Wrapped in Wool](http://knitter-eggsy-universe.tumblr.com/) (here's the link and if there are problems with that the url is knitter-eggsy-universe.tumblr.com) 

There will be headcanons, small story snippets and photos and posts from Eggsy's POV (and others from the universe will totally hijack the blog upon occasion)

It is also open for asks. You can ask any character that has shown up here or in A Knight's Guide to Falling in Love any question you want. Want to know how someone else felt about Merlin getting the plague? Want to know what the knitting circle really thinks about the Kingsman? Want to know more about Bors and his wife? Feel free to ask anything. On Thursday nights NSFW questions will be answered (I'm keeping the story G or T so if you want sexy stuff it's going to be over there).

Likewise it is the place you can submit prompt requests for the stories here on AO3. In fact if you've submitted prompts here, I'd love it if you resubmit over on the blog, just to help me more easily keep track of what people have asked to see.

I hope you check it out and enjoy.


	20. role model

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: can we see some more daisy Merlin interaction? Like Daisy seeing how much Merlin loves her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place well in the future in comparison to the last time we saw Daisy and Merlin together. Their first chapter she was 3/4 here she is more like 8 or 9. This meandered from my original intention, but I think is good.

Merlin was humming to himself as he made waffles. Eggsy was out taking the dogs for a good long walk and Daisy was sitting at the table carefully cutting up fruit. She was spending the whole weekend with them and they were all have a grand time.

"Hey Uncle Lachlan?" Daisy asked.

"Yes lass?" Merlin added a waffle to the stack in the oven. Two more he thought, it seemed like Eggsy was doing a walk that would make him hungry.

"I need help with a school project." Daisy had learned in life that while her mom and brother meant well, the best person to go to was Merlin, he never lost patience explaining something or going to the library with her. "We have to write a report on our personal role model. It's can't be like the queen or batman, has to be someone in our life."

Merlin smiled,  "You want to ask me questions about Eggsy then?"

"Maybe you could just talk about him a bit?" Daisy moved the bananas to the side and began to work on the strawberries.

"I think I can manage that." Merlin winked. 

Daisy watched him collect his thoughts and then start talking. She watched this smile come over his face as he rambled on about too many stitch markers on the ground, and their first Christmas together, and Eggsy's bad morning breath, and how smart and gifted Eggsy was at his job. He had that smile on his face. The one that Eggsy used that light word for.

"Uncle Lach?" Daisy interrupted. "What's that word for light, pretty shines from the inside light?"

Merlin thought about it for a minute, "Luminous?"

"Yes. Thanks." They heard Eggsy at the front door. "Shhh, I want the project to be a surprise."

Merlin held up a finger to his lip agreeably.

*******************************

"Bors, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I need you to utterly destroy the building you are in." Merlin said into the comms.

There was silence on the other side.

"Bors?" Merlin worried.

"I have cancer don't I?" Bors said sadly.

"No Bors. I just hacked the man's files and he is a disgusting brute of a man and what he has traded in, well I want him and the intel destroyed. Forget getting the intel, I want to see rubble." Merlin growled into the line.

The last thing that Merlin heard was "WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" Before Bors started running around.

Merlin would explain the 'failed' mission to Harry later.

His personal line rang with Daisy's tone. Merlin picked it up, keeping an eye of Bors lay charges.

"Lass, I'm a little busy, can ye call back later?"

"It's quick. What's your favourite food, colour, and what did you want to be when you were my age?"

Bors charges had just started to go off and Merlin wasn't paying attention, "Paella, green, and lion tamer." The bombs started to go off. He didn't even hear Daisy say goodbye.

*******************************

Daisy was woken by Eggsy's screams. She was spending the night again. Mum had started letting her spend every Friday night at Eggsy's place. Eggsy and Merlin tried to hide the nightmares from her, but sometimes they couldn't. She could hear their footsteps going downstairs.

She wrapped her favourite afghan around herself, the whole knitting circle had made it, and it looked like a garden, each square a different flower. Daisy tip toed down the steps and peeked around the corner into the living. There was just a low lamp on and there was Eggsy curled up in a small ball, his head on Merlin's lap. Merlin was stroking his hair and reading to him.

Daisy just watched. Realized he was reading the Percy Jackson books. She had told them that they were cool, but didn't think they'd actually listen to her.

She fell asleep on the steps to the sound of Merlin's soothing voice.

********************************

"Uncle Harry I need your help." Daisy said standing in the tailor shop. Eggsy and Merlin had been abruptly called into work and she was hanging out with Andrew. She loved it, he let her help with the displays.

"Whatever you need my dear, it is yours." Harry bowed lavishly. The silver in his hair shone in the light.

"I'm tricking Uncle Lachlan." Daisy said.

"Oh that I can definitely help with." Harry settled in and answered all of Daisy's questions.

********************************

"So you swear you'll get Eggsy to the school for the presentation?" Daisy asked Merlin again.

"Yes, lass. I'll get him there." Merlin laughed to himself. Daisy was fretting about this so much.

"And it's going to be a surprise still right?" Daisy worried her lip.

"Yes, he has no idea about your role model project." Merlin reassured her. "Now we'll be there at 10:30 on the dot." Merlin said goodbye and hung up the phone.

Sure enough they pulled into the lot at 10:20. Merlin having made an excuse about a call from the teacher and Michelle not being able to get off work.

They made their way through the building until they arrived at the Gym that had a big sign posted up saying Welcome Role Models. Eggsy looked confused but Merlin grinned.

They told the teacher who they were and they were lead to seats with a bunch of other adults.

Every child was to give a 3 minute talk about their report and why they chose the role model they did. 

Eventually it was Daisy's turn. She stood there in the pretty green sweater Eggsy had made her for picture day, hair in two braids.

Her paper was shaking in her hands.

"I tricked my role model into being here today. If I had told them what I was doing for reals, they might have tried to stop me, say I picked the wrong person. But I didn't. My role model is my Uncle Lachlan." Merlin froze in confusion. He looked at Eggsy who had the biggest grin imaginable on his face. He held out a hand and Merlin took it. "Uncle Lachlan is Scottish. His favourite food is Paella, which I looked up and seems a little gross to me. His favourite colour is green, because my brother Eggsy made him a sweater in green. He's really really smart and helps me with my homework when I'm stuck and never gets annoyed. He has the best dog named Q and he takes care of him really well. He takes care of all of us really well. When Eggsy is sad or scared he makes it better. When I fall, he always has the right bandaids. He's super busy at his work but he always takes my calls. I didn't use to like him, but he never held that against me. And when he was in his accident and it changed his life forever, he didn't get angry or whiny, he kept going. I asked all his friends for the words to best describe him and what I was told was: stubborn, smart, clever, talented. They all left out sweet, loving, and makes really good waffles and blanket forts. My role model is my Uncle Lachlan because when he loves you he is luminous and that makes everyone around him feel awesome. Oh and I'm pretty sure he could kill us all with his brain. I want to learn how to do that."

Daisy nodded her head firmly and went back to her seat. No one quite knew how to respond to that closing until Eggsy whistled and cheered. Everyone began to clap. Merlin tried to wipe his eyes subtly. Eggsy handed him his pocket square.

After there were cookies and punch for all the role guests and they got to see the display each child in the class made. Daisy dragged them over to her project that she had used yarn and glitter to decorate.

"I thought you said you were writing on Eggsy lass." Merlin said, voice still rough from the tears that didn't fall.

"No, you said I was doing my project on Eggsy, I just didn't correct you."

Merlin saw the report page that had all his basic information. In the corner it said answers provided by Harry Hart. Of course.

Merlin also saw that the project only received a B. He was ready to go have a talk with the teacher, but Daisy stopped him. "I lost marks for doing it all stealthy like instead of actually talking to my role model. But the trick was totally worth it."

Eggsy was laughing. 

Merlin couldn't stop himself from picking her up and spinning her around. He pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank ye lass, this." He had to pause to clear his throat. "This was an amazing gift."

She whispered in his ear. "I proved I'm sneaky right? I can see the super secret spy shop that you guys really work at right?"

Merlin froze and glared at Eggsy.

Eggsy held up his hands. Whatever it was he didn't do it.

Merlin looked at Daisy.

"Come on, next month is take your daughter to work and I want to see computers, not the stupid babies at Mum's work." Daisy batted her lashes like she had seen Eggsy do to get what he wanted from Merlin.

"We'll talk about it later." Merlin said.

Daisy grinned. That totally meant yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that you can submit prompts and ask questions of the characters over at the wrapped in Wool blog at knitter-eggsy-universe.tumblr.com


	21. Liz Looks for a Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will make a lot more sense if you read NSFW Question night on the Wrapped in Wool blog. But the main crew are all hungover and Liz is there to blackmail them.

Eggsy and Roxy were huddled together on the floor of the kitchen. They had originally been in the break room but realized they required tea. So they brought pillows and a couple Eggsy blankets and were now leaning against each other, dying. 

Sarah apparently had taken the day off, but as Merlin had told Eggsy this morning "evil never takes a day off" and laughed and dragged Eggsy out of bed.

"How does he not have a hangover? How could I marry a man who doesn't get hangovers?" Eggsy groaned into Roxy's hair. Somehow she had ended up cuddling him and she wasn't amused. She tried to use her mind to get tea cups to come to them but it wasn't working.

"Why did we think a James Bond drinking game was a good idea?" was Roxy's question. "And why the heck did you spill the beans about project 9?" Roxy pinched him.

"Didn't mean too!" Eggsy yelled and they both winced. He kissed her cheek in apology. "I'm sorry Rox. Next month. I got a good feeling about next month." 

Rox smiled. "Thanks. She's going to be an amazing mom."

"So are you." Eggsy said. "And Merlin and I are going to spoil em something fierce."

They sat in silence staring forlornly up at the tea pot.

Luckily Harry and Percival walked in. Slowly.

"Oh god, you two look like shite also." Eggsy sounded relieved.

"Maybe, but we are capable of being up right." Harry said and poured tea for himself and Percival. He held out a chair for Percival who smiled as he sat.

The two whimpered on the ground like the sad little puppies they were. Harry sighed and delivered them some tea cups.

"Children." Harry admonished them. "You are acting like children."

"Bruv, the whole of me blog has seen your belly button ring now. Because a bloody ABBA song came on and you had to 'shake your groove thang' so you might want to watch it a bit."

Harry glared at him. It was less than success since he was wearing a bunny eye patch that actually had floppy ears on it. 

"I liked your little dance." Percival said mildly. He looked pale, drawn, but better than the rest. Harry smiled and sat beside the senior agent. Being on the ground Eggsy could see Harry hook an ankle around Percival.

"No Bors. I let you blow up one building. One. A one time thing. You don't get to do it every time." Merlin was sounding very stern as he and Bors walked into the kitchen.

"You all got wasted without me." Bors protested. "I'm owed a treat."

"Thursdays you and Pilar go dancing." Merlin said.

"I would have bailed for drunk Harry. Drunk Harry is awesome. Remember that one time -" Bors began.

Roxy and Eggsy perked up. 

"There will not be any remember one time." Harry said sharply. He then winced and rubbed his head.

Bors looked at everyone and sighed and went to the stove and started to make a greasy breakfast.

Merlin bent down to kiss his husband's head. Eggsy pulled his blanket over top him. "Husbands who don't get hangovers don't get kisses."

Merlin kissed the top of the blanket instead and sat at the table.

"So Kingsman, let us talk about schematics and budgets." 

They all groaned and wondered what they had done to deserve this fresh hell. But the food Bors put out helped. Even if he was grumbling the whole time about being left out of all the fun.

Merlin tapped the side of his glasses. "Yes Andrew?" He paused, "Of course send her along." Merlin stood, "Liz is on her way over said she had something important to discuss with us."

They all got up as quickly as they were able and went to meet the bullet train, all checking their weapons as they went.

Eggsy was the first to respond to Liz's appearance. "Why you in a suit Liz?"

Liz was dressed carefully, professionally, in a way she never did for her job. "Because I'm here for a job."

Harry put his gun away and tried to think of a polite response. "Liz, we don't require a new agent and the process is a difficult one that -"

Liz rolled her eyes. "I'm not asking you. You might be the boss, but you aren't the  _boss._ " She looked dead at Merlin. "I want a job." She stepped off the train.

Merlin crossed his arms, "And what I'm supposed to just give you one? Just like that?"

Liz tossed her phone to Bors and said, "You missed a good time last night." 

Bors had a look of glee on his face as he watched some of the video clips.

"Am I supposed to be impressed? Do you know how easy it is for me to wipe videos off a damn android phone?" Merlin said, grinning sharply.

"Try." Liz stuck her chin out. 

Merlin raised a brow and gestured for her to follow him. He pulled Bors along by his scruff he was too busy watching the videos. The others all looked at each other and quickly followed.

LIz sat across from Merlin's consoles and smirked. Merlin started to work his magic, sure he's be done in 5 minutes. It took an hour.

Merlin looked at Liz and handed her a data pad. "Break the locks on this. You have 15 minutes."

LIz didn't get it. All the others watching looked sad.

Merlin didn't. "You got closer than I thought ye would." He sat back and looked at her. "You don't have a job. But you have a chance. Your interview process starts tomorrow at 9am. Ye don't have to dress like that, I keep a less strict dress code for my people. Business casual is acceptable."

"I'll call in sick to my job." She said. Merlin tapped away at his keyboard.

"No it seems you've already quit that job." Merlin looked at her. "That sure of this were ye?"

"Hopeful. I'm good. I can be better. I can be better here. I want to matter." 

Eggsy walked over and hugged her, "You always matter."

Bors nodded watching the video of Harry kick the lamp for the fifth time. Giggling madly.

Merlin smiled, "If you pass all my tests, I think we will start you with Pilar Westley."

Bors looked up in horrible. "Why am I being punished. I've worked hard to keep knitters and my wife separate."

Merlin said, "Your wife has been begging for a decent assistant. She's burned through the four we've tried with her. I think Liz can maybe keep up. Maybe."

Eggsy cheered. "Liz is coming to work with us!!!!!"  He then moaned. "Right I'm going back to tea and food. Maybe I'll die along the way." 

Everyone shuffled out of the room, leaving Merlin and Liz alone to play with some tech.


	22. Who Exactly Are These Guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, a prompt: As a knitter myself, I struggle with inflamation in my right shoulder and wrist. Could write one where one of them starts getting these pains and doesn't realize what it is at first? (and then take it wherever you want)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I came up with an idea for this chapter and it just made me laugh. Enjoy some outsider POV.

Martin was a simple man and he held to certain beliefs.

1\. Teaching high school maths for 30 years might be 28 years to long.

2\. The day Patience said I do in front of the preacher while looking Martin dead in the eye and became Mrs. Carson was the best day of his life.

3\. Anyone who didn't support the Gunners must have something wrong with them.

4\. Those conspiracy telly shows were probably about 32% accurate.

5\. He didn't know a lot about the world, but he knew his wife better than she realized.

And thanks to number 5 - he knew something was wrong.

It had started a year or so ago. Complaining more about winter settling into her bones. Only knitting for 2 hours a day instead of 3 or even 4. Stretching her fingers back and forth. Moving her shoulders and wrists more. Whenever he asked her about it, he got a pish posh and a I'm fine dearie how about some tea.

So he tried to help. He woke up earlier than her now and made sure there was a hot cup of tea to wrap her stiff fingers around. He tried to learn to cook with hit or miss results. He stopped by her wool shop more to help her load up the shelves. He asked her to hire a part time assistant (more than just the co-op student she took on every other year) but she said that she just couldn't quite afford a proper wage for the help. He learned to vacuum.

Only Patience seemed to get worse. And then after doing her Christmas charity knitting, he found her weeping when she couldn't hold her needles for longer than 20 minutes.

He struggled through internet searches and hid "Helpful tips for not straining yourself while knit" articles into her pattern folders. She didn't say anything but made him his favourite pudding and they had an extra nice snuggle. 

But she wouldn't talk about it.

There was only one thing to do. One day when Patience was off at the shops, Martin rifled through her email inbox and sent word to her knitting group asking to meet them all for lunch on Wednesday. 

He was sweating bullets about going behind his wife's back, but he approached the table.

"Hello all." They all just stared at him. "I need your help." 

He sat and ending up tearing apart a napkin before he managed to explain it all to them. Martin took a breath, relieved to have gotten it out.

Mrs. Blackwell patted his hand and gave him a cookie. "We will take care of this."

He wondered why all the ladies were staring at that boy who had joined there group a couple years ago. Martin always wondered what he was doing with them. Patience had said he worked for a tailor. He looked it, all shiny and stuff. Still what mattered was them helping his wife.

******************************

A couple weeks later, Martin was frustrated. Patience still seemed worse for wear, even her morning tea wasn't loosening her fingers. Martin wondered if he could get her to the doctor. They were sitting playing scrabble when there was a knock.

"Delivery for Mrs. Carson from Kingsman Tailor Shop." The boy thrust the box into Martin's hands and didn't even wait for a tip.

Martin brought it to Patience. "It's from that place your boy works at."

Patience opened the box and started to cry a little. Martin peered in and saw a bunch of knitting needles. They didn't look that different. Wood, not metal. He gave her a confused look.

"Bamboo and Rosewood. Custom made. Ergonomic. These are just the best in the world. There are wait lists for them."

Martin looked at the pile of sticks. "Who are these guys that spend that much on sticks?" I mean he was happy and hoped they would help, but that pile had to be like a hundred pounds.

Patience knew what that look on his face meant. She wouldn't tell him that the total in the box was closer to 1,000 pounds. "Very nice gentleman."

********************************

After that things just kept happening. 

He came home and there was this French guy massaging Patience's fingers and wrist. He hadn't heard her make those sorts of noises in years. Martin frowned at the man. "Who're you then?"

"The Kingsman sent me." He said. He kissed Patience's hand and packed up his supplies. "Madame, I will see you next week." Patience giggled.

After Frenchie left, Martin pouted. Patience kissed him. He couldn't be too mad, it looked like most of pain was gone.

"They sent you a masseur?" Martin butchered the word. "Who does that?"

"They are such sweet men. Eggsy is just a dear isn't he?" 

"What did we have to pay?" Martin wanted her to feel better, but in house calls like that couldn't be cheap.

"They paid the bill dear."

Martin couldn't grumble about that but still. "Maybe I could be here one time, have him show me so I could help you other days."

Patience hugged him tight.

*********************************

Martin wasn't even that surprised by the maid who was now stopping in once a week. 

Nor the physiotherapist. 

He was surprised by the girl in the shop. "Oh Hello. I'm Mr. Carson. Didn't realize it was co-op time again." He felt a little dopey standing there with flowers, but it was the anniversary of their first date. He never forgot their first date.

"It's not. I've been hired to help around the shop 3 days a week."

"Patience said she couldn't afford that." Martin glared at the girl, who wilted a little under his stare. "Are you some sort of con artist."

"No! I was hired by Mr. Harry Hart, to help out at the shop. I've been taking classes at night, finishing my high school. I got into problems a few years back but have been working hard. I'll learn quick, and I'm getting better at my maths. And I know how to knit. And Mrs. Carson is so nice, and Eggsy said I would love this job. We're from the same estate. Figure he's not the only one who can do better. Please I really want to do good here." The girl was speaking so quickly and looked ready to cry.

Martin sighed and patted her shoulder. "Let me know if you need help with your maths."

She sniffled and nodded. Martin went back to where his wife was gossiping with Doris. He gave her the flowers and settled in for a chat.

**********************************

Next there was a call from the bank, saying they refunded the last house payment as the house had been paid off in full.

"Let me guess. Kingsman tailors." He sighed.

"As you say. We appreciate your business sir."

Martin decided this was a little much. He looked up the address of the tailor shop and took half a personal day. He gulped a little at the store front. Posh wasn't even the word for it. Still he squared his shoulders and walked in.

It was so silent in the place, it smelled like money. He approached the table where an old man was cutting fabric. "I need to speak to Harry Hart."

"I'm sorry, the gentleman is unavailable." The man didn't even look up.

"I'll wait." Martin crossed his arms.

"It will be awhile."

"I teach 14 year old boys algebra. I've got patience." Martin strode over and sat himself in a chair.

He sat for an hour before the old man acknowledged him.

"What did you say your name was?"

Martin smiled, knew he'd win. "Mr. Carson. Mr. Martin Carson."

The old guy immediately thawed. "Oh, why didn't you say so. Patience is just a delight, just a delight. Have all the gifts been helping?"

"Yeah." 

"I have horrible inflammation in my elbow from cutting fabric, I made sure to give her some tips that have helped me." The guy put his shears down. "I'll contact Mr. Hart." He disappeared into a room.

Martin poked at the shelves. 100 pounds for a tie. 2,000 pounds for a plain black suit. Shite, no wonder they could be so nice to Patience.

"Mr. Hart will be along shortly." Andrew offered him some tea. Martin declined.

Martin did not know what to expect but he didn't expect a man with an eye patch with the union flag on it. At least Eggsy was with him.

"Mr. Carson, it is a pleasure to meet you at last. If you'll come to my office." Martin followed him upstairs to a fancy room with a huge desk. It had to be at least a hundred years old. Marin sat in chair, scared he'd break it. Eggsy leaned on the desk and Mr. Hart sat behind it. "Now what can we do for you?"

"Look. I appreciate you helping Patience. I do. I mean sure would have been nice to be consulted more, but she's been in a lot less pain and been more happy yeah. And I know that she has spent time here. I remember when she said Eggsy was sick and they spent all that time helping out. And I mean we couldn't have kids and I know she sort of considers Eggsy and Sarah hers and I'm fine with that." Martin knew he was rambling but he couldn't stop. "And I don't know him well, but I knew Eggsy before he was with you guys and I knew him after and you guys were good for him. So your good for him and good for Patience. But paying our house off that's just too much. I can provide for my wife. Who exactly are you guys that you are doing all this for her - for us?" Martin sat back in his chair and remembered to breathe.

"I'm sorry that you feel we have overstepped." Harry folded his hands on the table. "I assure you that was not our intention. Mrs. Carson and the knitting group mean a lot to Eggsy. And she would matter to us just for that, only she has come to mean a lot to myself and to Lachlan, Eggsy's husband and my co-partner in this business. We just wanted to make her life and health as much improved as we could. Would it help if we promised that all of our energies were focused solely on your wife and helping her deal with the inflammation and potential arthritis?"

Martin sighed. "Thank you. That's all I wanted when I went to Eggsy for help."

"We of course apologize for overstepping our bounds." Harry smiled, "But if you would indulge me, let me make a reservation for you and Mrs. Carson at my favourite restaurant as gift to make up for over stepping."

"Doesn't that seem like still over stepping?" Martin looked between the two men. Eggsy shifted and Martin saw the edge of a gun holster. Right then Martin decided to stop protesting. "You know, that'd be nice. Thank you." Marin got up and swiftly left.

Harry made sure the door was shut. "Really, showing the gun holster? A little much. Mrs Carson has told us about those shows he likes. He's going to think we're mafia or something like that."

Eggsy shrugged and grinned. "Got the complaint done didn't it?"

*************************

Mr. and Mrs. Carson were treated like royalty at dinner. As they settled into the cab afterwards Martin quietly asked, "Are they mafia?"

Mrs. Carson peeled with laughter, "No darling. Wherever did you get that idea?" She snuggled into her husband. "They are super secret spies who save the world."

Mr. Carson goosed her side. "Oh fine don't tell me."

Martin was a simple man with certain beliefs.

1\. Bangers and mash were the best Friday night dinner before the pub.

2\. Cricket was never ever going to be interesting

3\. Anyone who made Patience's life better, well he wouldn't ask too many questions.

**************************

When they 'won' the trip to the Caribbean he didn't complain once. It had been a rough winter for Patience's fingers. And drinks with little umbrellas were tasty after all.

But they were totally mafia.

 

 


	23. The Second Scotland Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will you tell me bout y'alls marriage ceremony? It seems like it would a quiet affair. Thanks gain, you're the best!

They were engaged in the fall. 

One night a few days after Eggsy had found the ring and slipped it on, they were in bed, talking quietly before sleep.

"Will ye want a large ceremony?" Merlin asked.

"No. No church, no big crowd, but more than going to the courthouse." Eggsy said, playing with the ring a little. "What about you, what did you always picture for yourself?"

Merlin smiled, remembering something, "I never really pictured a wedding per se. But when I was a child, I was convinced that the woods at the edge of the estate were magic. There's this tree, old, very old, that is curved and in the winter snow and frost sits on it just so. I was convinced it was a transplant from Narnia. In the summer, its branches hang low heavy with leaves that whistle in the wind. To be married by that would be a nice thing."

Eggsy was quiet for a few minutes. "The first weekend of March."

"I'm sorry?" Merlin asked.

"We get married by that tree the first weekend of March. That way your parents don't have to travel far. Mum and Daisy, Roxy will stand for me, Harry for you and some judge or someone marries us. Later in the spring we have a big party for all our friends."

"Why 4 months from now? If that is what we are planning, we could do it in the month? I have a powerful thirst to marry you lad." Merlin rolled on top of Eggsy.

"Trust me, the first weekend of March." Eggsy pushed his head up and kissed his future husband.

That weekend Eggsy went to his knitting circle. He spread a bunch of papers on the table. "I have a favour to ask of the table. I very large, very important favour. I can't get this all done on my own in time." Eggsy explained his plan. Sarah and Mrs. Carson both got a little misty at the idea and Mrs. Blackwell and Doris poured over the patterns. Liz got up and started to collect yarn from around the shop.

"I think we can all agree that this is a good wedding gift." Liz said. Mrs. Carson gestured for her to move a wall over to the extra soft alpaca. 

"Thank you ladies." Eggsy said.

"Yes, yes, this is all going to be lovely, but we've got a lot of work ahead of us and only four months to do it. I'll put the kettle on." Doris said standing. Sarah hugged Eggsy.

Eggsy kept a decoy project on top of his yarn stash at home and at the estate, but whenever he was sure he was alone or with his knitting group he brought out the other work. They were slowly bringing everything together.

And then it was the week of the wedding. They all traveled north to Scotland and were put up at the estate. They had offered to stay at the hotel in town, but Merlin was quickly put in his place.

Michelle and Daisy were stunned by the house and the grounds. 

"Lord Macleod, may I present Eggsy's mother and sister, Michelle and Daisy Unwin. And our friends Harry and Roxy."

"Lachlan, we grew up together, at some point you really should just call me Robert." Robert shook Michelle's hand, smiled at Harry and Roxy, and looked down at Daisy, "I bet the young miss would benefit from a hot chocolate. Your mum's been in the kitchen for hours. Doesn't quite trust, the woman she trained to prepare everything to your tastes." 

Merlin shook his head, of course his mum was already working away. 

"I'll have your bags taken to the rooms we set aside. Let's all go to the library to celebrate the big event happening in two days."

They walk through the house, Eggsy carrying Daisy who has gone shy. The settle into the gorgeous library and in a few minutes Merlin's mum and dad came in wheeling a tray with hot chocolate and some snacks. The adults had a variety of options to doctor the drink and Daisy had five marshmallows.

Merlin hugged his parents tight. Eggsy went to shake their hands and they hugged him just as fierce.

Once everyone was settled Robert raised his glass. "To Lachlan and Eggsy. It is my honour and privilege to marry you in two days. I wish you both years of joy and happiness. To the happy couple." Everyone raised their glass. They all chatted and hung out before enjoying a sumptuous dinner. The next day everyone roamed the estate, and had a good time. It was still cold out, a layer of snow over everything.

Lachlan and Robert set up small portable heaters by the tree for the next day. "Are ye nervous Lach?" Robert asked as he moved the metal about.

"Nae. It's Eggsy. He's all I could have ever hoped for." Merlin looked at the tree. It was still an odd twisted thing, and he loved it so.

"I look forward to marrying you, on the morrow then."

"Thank ye for doing this."

"Lach, you are family." Robert said easily, before putting him in a headlock and tossing him into the snow. For a few minutes they played as they did when they were 10. When they got back to the main house, Colleen just looked at her son and Robert and just sighed.

"You boys are cleaning the mess up."

"Yes mum." They both said. Eggsy rounded the corner and burst into laughter at the sheepish look on their faces.

That night Merlin and Eggsy slept in different rooms. A little silly, but a lot sweet.

In the morning the the whole of the wedding group woke to a box outside their door.

 _It would please me greatly if you would wear these today._   _Eggsy._

Eggsy could hear the exclamations of the people all along the hall. He smiled to himself as he showered and shaved.

They were set to be married around 10am and then have a brunch. Eggsy was just adjusting his tie when there was a knock on the door.

Michelle came in, wearing the shrug and beret that had been made for her. "Oh Eggsy you did too much."

"Didn't do it all myself." Eggsy said. "You have your gloves too right?"

"Yes, just waiting to put them on." She came over and fussed with his tie as well. "Are you ready baby?"

"Yes mum." Eggsy kissed her cheek.

"Last chance to run." She joked.

"Never, not from him."

Eggsy put on his hat and gloves and wrapped his scarf around his neck. 

**************************************

Michelle walked Eggsy outside. Daisy was twirling around in her shrug, gloves, beret, a soft pink in contrast to Michelle's rich rose. Roxy stood there as well, her knitted items in a royal purple. Eggsy walked with his women to the tree where Merlin was waiting with his parents and Harry. Robert stood just a little to the side. They were all wearing the hats and gloves, scarves, and Colleen a matching shrug to the other women. The knitted items all were the same pattern, just in a colour to suit each person. They should have all had coats, but between the heaters and and the warm wool, they would be fine. 

Eggsy's fingerless gloves were the one's he had been making when he found the engagement ring.

Eggsy kept his head high, a huge grin on his face as he walked to Merlin. He stood in front of him.

"Hi."

"Lad the things ye made." Merlin shook his head, covered in a dark green hat.

"The group helped. And we all look good, don't we?" Eggsy grinned and Merlin couldn't stop himself, he kissed Eggsy.

Merlin's parents sighed at their son's antics and Robert cleared his throat. "Lachlan I believe that is supposed to be for the end. Not the start."

Eggsy pulled away, "Well then let's do this."

Eggsy and Merlin moved to stand, facing each other, in front of Robert.

Their guests formed a small circle around them.

Robert kept his words simple, easy.

Merlin and Eggsy didn't write their own vows, but rather kept it simple and traditional promising to love and honour each other until death did part them. "Probably a few extra days after that as well." Eggsy added with a wink. They slipped rings on each other, one's designed by Merlin and his R&D team; they looked lovely against the fingerless gloves. 

"Now ye two can get your kiss on." Robert said and Eggsy threw his arms around Merlin and stood on tiptoe to crash their mouths together. 

It didn't look like they would separate anytime soon, so Harry and Roxy threw some snowballs at them. There were cheers when they broke apart.

Everyone broke out their phones and took a bunch of photos. Merlin and Eggsy just couldn't let go of each other.

Eventually they grew chilled enough that headed in for the brunch. There was champagne, and more food than could have been eaten by twice their number. Merlin's father, Gordon, brought out his fiddle and even with his arthritic fingers played a song so that Merlin and Eggsy could have a first dance.

Robert then put on some music and they all danced a little, Eggsy spinning Daisy in dizzying circles, Merlin dancing with his mum. There was yet more champagne and everyone was a little giddy.

A few hours later though, Robert tossed keys to Merlin. "Lachlan, take your husband to the cottage, we set it up for you two for the night. Because no one wants to share a hallway with you tonight." There was a good bit of laughter from the group.

They put their hats and scarves back on and walked down the lane to the cottage where Merlin had grown up and had been a guest space since his parents retired and moved to town.

They stood there are Merlin unlocked and opened the door.

Merlin grinned at Eggsy.

"No, you aren't doing it." Eggsy said, shaking his head.

"Oh lad, I'm sorry but I have to." With a wink Merlin swept Eggsy up into his arms and carried his husband into the house, kicking the door shut behind him.

 


	24. Long Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you do a long distance prompt from when they were dating? :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very early in their relationship

"Galahad, be casual and give me a view of the man on your 10." Merlin said in Eggsy's ear. Eggsy looked at the painting in front of him for another minute and then turned to look at a sculpture, giving Merlin a good view. "Nae, not the man we are looking for, looks like this is a bust. Go grab a coffee and an overpriced slice of cake down in the cafe, while we run some more analysis."

Eggsy went downstairs in the museum and settled into the cafe. He opened his laptop and looked like any other student taking advantage of free museum day. He slipped a fake blue tooth into his ear so that he might look like a prat, but no one would question it. "So what now?"

"Our intel suggests he will be there today. For now just hold tight." He could hear Merlin typing away, muttering to himself. Before he could open up a game on the laptop Merlin asked, "So why yarn?"

Eggsy smiled a little. They had been dating a month, but half that time Eggsy had been away on missions. And so Eggsy told him the story of the kindly neighbour and how sad he was when she passed and that he's only gotten back into the hobby in the last few years. "But these days I've got me a proper knitting circle and everything. See them every Sunday when in town, and the couple younger ones and I sometimes do drunk knitting on Thursday nights." 

"Why did you sneak in all those items, why not openly gift them?" Merlin was curious. He kept eyes moving through all the security cameras of the museum, looking for their mark.

Eggsy thought about it. "Didn't know how people would react. Some people don't like it when a bloke is the one with the knitting needles. God I was scared to walk into Mrs. Carson's shop the first time, before that, Mrs. Jameson had always provided me with yarn, never had bought my own really." He laughed, "Right after V-day, I found a shop yeah, one with a smashed window, was so out of it that I grabbed some yarn left some money on a table and just knit until I passed out. But that got me going even more. And I like taking care of people. If making stuff could make other people happy then good yeah? You don't need recognition for people making them happy."

"So when are ye going to make me something proper then?" Merlin asked.

"Oh shut it." Eggsy said. He was about to snark some more but Merlin said, "Your target just walked in the east door."

30 minutes later there was a commotion as a man fell down, having some sort of seizure. Eggsy left through the main door. "I liked the what do you call it? Pop art."

Merlin smiled, "I'll send you on a mission to Pittsburgh, so you can go to the Andy Warhol museum."

"You're the guv."

"As you say."

**********************************

Eggsy sat on the ground and stared at the knife wound in his leg. He had wiped it clean and was following Merlin's direction for sewing it shut. "Need you to distract me a little here Merlin.

"Very well, Galahad, what would help?" Merlin was keeping an eye on the warehouse where Eggsy was hiding, making sure no one was following him.

"Something really silly. Like really silly about you, help me see you as a little more human yeah?"

"I tried to seduce my best friend in a stable when I was 15."

Eggsy snorted a little.

"Yes I know, but this was before the internet, all I had to go on was my mum's romance novels. Stables seemed very romantic. Plus we were both riders, so it was a common meeting place." Merlin smiled. "Plus he was one day going to be lord of the manor, and I was as close to a stable boy as they had. So one day after a ride, we had the horses taken care of and were putting everything away and I crowded him into a wall and snogged him. Worst kiss ever. As a first kiss should be."

Eggsy finished the last of the stitches. "What happened then?" He was carefully bandaging the area.

"We broke apart and he straightened his jacket. Looked at me and just said  _really?_ I was destroyed and went to run, but had left the door open and ended up slamming into the edge and broke me nose." Merlin was laughing at the memory. "Robert crouched down, straightened my nose and helped staunch the blood. He then said, he wasn't gay, but was impressed that I had done such a showy job of announcing my own sexuality and had I considered trying to bugger our other friend Martin who was bi and had been flirting with me for weeks."

"And did you?" Eggsy asked standing and slowly making for a door.

"Aye a year later. Robert stole some of his dad's best scotch for a celebratory drink. I hope you'll meet him one day. He's a good man, a good lord." Merlin then said, "Car will be there in two more minutes."

He watched Eggsy get whisked to safety.

*************************************

Eggsy was naked in the bathroom, save for his glasses. He was looking in the mirror, very sad.

"Galahad, your mark will soon wonder where you are. Wash your hands and go fuck her brains out. That's an order." Merlin said severely.

"Merlin." Eggsy whispered. "What about -"

"Agent, do your job." Merlin repeated. "Personal feelings do not weigh in when faced with saving three or so dozen lives. Her being found in bed with a young and pretty lad will destroy her marriage, which will start an avalanche which needs to happen."

"Us." Eggsy said, washing his hands.

"We will be fine." Merlin reassured him. "We will be fine." He repeated. "Galahad look at the very tip of the ear piece of your glasses, it will separate. Put it in your ear and leave the glasses on the counter there. You'll not be able to communicate with me, but at least I can stay with ye. I'll stay with ye the whole time. Just listen to my voice." _  
_

Eggsy breathed out in relief and put the small bud in his ear.

He went out to see the woman in bed. He smiled as he crawled to her. She thought the smile was for her and was charmed. 

*****************************************

"Galahad what are you doing?" Merlin yelled as Eggsy ducked into a yarn shop. "You are being chased by terrorists, is now the time for shopping?"

Eggsy moved deep into the shop behind a large display, gun already back in its holster. "They'll never think I ducked in here, that bar across the way, or an alley, but not here. It's perfect bruv."

Merlin didn't want to admit that he had a point. "See if there is a back door and keep moving agent."

"Yes sir." Eggsy said snappily. Only he paused and Merlin heard him say, "Wait the silk/wool blend is really 30% off? Do ye have any in a nice grey?"

"Oh for god's sake." Merlin muttered. "Ye damn well better not use your Kingsman credit for this."

But of course Eggsy did, he was on a mission after all.

****************************************

"Woof" Eggsy heard through his comms.  He was staring at the Mediterranean, while his mark was swimming.

"JB?" He asked thoroughly confused.

"He was moping in the kennel. Ye've been gone too much lad. He misses you something fierce." Merlin said.

"Take it up with Arthur, not my fault I've been away a lot. Don't explain why he's in my ear though." Eggsy said.

"Maybe I broke him out." Merlin said. Eggsy could hear his shrug. "Having him here feels a little like having you here. We are both a little more settled."

Eggsy felt his heart melt just a little. "This job should be only another week. Then I'm going to bitch at Arthur that I have to stay in London for at least three weeks, my shooting skills feel a little rusty."

"Do they lad, perhaps ye need some help on the range?"

Eggsy smirked. "Yeah an older, steady hand guiding my fingers would be of definite help."

"I'll look forward to it then." There was another bark and Merlin whispering hush boy, he'll be home soon enough.

Damn right I will, Eggsy thought.

*****************************************

Eggsy walked out of Harry's office with a grin. He strolled his way through the estate, down to what he liked to think of as Merlin's kingdom.

There was Merlin working away at his computer and JB sitting on his feet, snoring.

"Hi honey I'm home." Eggsy called out.

JB woke up at his boy's voice and went over, running. 

Merlin didn't run, but he wasn't far behind the pug.


	25. No Scratching Mitts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can I request a hurt/comfort or sickfic fluffy story for Eggsy and Merlin. I've been sick for over a week and it keeps getting worse instead of better because I keep pretending I'm not sick. I feel like Eggsy's past would make him keep working no matter how sick he felt, and Merlin would have to convince him he no longer has to tough these things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is set between them moving in together and before they are married.

Merlin had seen Eggsy work sick before. The lad refused to acknowledge colds, just dismissed them as allergies or dust because you know villains don't really do proper upkeep on those hidden bases. One time Eggsy had wiped out a cargo plane of smugglers while battling a fever of 101. Whenever he or Harry offered to put him on the unavailable list he would give them this shattered look, this hollow stare and they would put him back on the list.

Merlin had held a faint hope that once they moved in together, maybe Eggsy would lessen the bravado, let Merlin take care of him, but Eggsy pushed himself just as hard, tried to hide when he was sick - as if Merlin didn't know all, see all.

Eggsy came back from Costa Rica looking a little worse for wear, and not just from the handful of stab wounds that he had received. He had left with a minor cough but returned with a spiking fever, chills, a tremor in his hand. The doctors wanted to keep him overnight but Eggsy refused. He did his debrief with Harry who couldn't stop himself from giving Eggsy herbal tea and wrapping him in a blanket.

Merlin took him home, truly worried for the lad.

When he had left, Eggsy had been fast asleep in their bed, burning up.

Two hours later, Roxy came into Merlin's office. "He's on treadmill. He looks two seconds away from passing out." And Merlin went from worried to right pissed.

He stalked to the gym where a few agents and techs were working out. Him slamming the door open was enough to have them all scurrying out. Eggsy hadn't noticed as he had ear buds in. Merlin could see the sweat pouring off of him, more than should have been from the light jog he was doing.

Eggsy looked like he had a rash on his shoulders, arms. Merlin placed a quick call to medical and after a discussion it was what Merlin had guessed. He asked for advice and signed off. He moved over to the treadmill and faced Eggsy.

"Lad, ye are sick, climb down and let's get you home."

"I'm fine Merlin." Eggsy said, pulling out a bud. He was struggling for breath. "Just doing a light work out no big deal."

"Okay then." Merlin leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. "If it is no big deal give me a five minute mile."

Eggsy stared at him in shock, that was not the response he expected.

"Either admit ye are sick and let me take you home to pamper you, take care of you, or prove you are fine and run a five minute mile. Hell, I'll even be generous a 6 minute mile." Merlin stood there waiting.

Eggsy glared at him. "Fine then." He jacked the speed and began to run.

Merlin caught him when he passed out after a minute thirty.

**********************

Eggsy woke up in their bed. He felt like he was dying. He tried to sit up but it hurt too much.

Merlin came in with soup and ginger ale.

"You're a right bastard." Eggsy complained.

"And you my darling have chicken pox." Merlin replied.

"Wot?" Eggsy's eyes went wide. "No I don't that's for kids."

"And adults who never caught it as kids." Merlin set the tray down, "It's brutal for adults, ye are in for a rough couple weeks. It might have been less if you hadn't run yourself into the ground with foolish pride." Merlin held a spoon of soup up and Eggsy just glared at him. "I'll not make ye plane noises." Merlin said. Eggsy's glare grew molten. Merlin sighed. "Pew pew pew the soup cannon has fired, missiles are incoming." Eggsy was startled enough to laugh and Merlin pushed the spoon into his mouth.

He let Merlin feed him the rest of the soup in peace. "I won't have infected Daisy, I visited before going to Costa Rica."

"Nae. Your mum had her immunized for the chicken pox, she'll be fine."

"Good." That was a weight off Eggsy's mind. "Is it really going to bad?"

"Aye lad, it really is." Merlin was sympathetic.

"Luckily I'm a model patient."

**************************

By day four Merlin was begging anyone to take a turn with him, bribes, blackmail, nothing worked anymore. Even Mrs Carson, the most sympathetic soul on the planet had walked out after an hour. Merlin had gotten to the point of contacting medical to see if they could induce a coma until it had passed.

They said no. And sent Harry to confiscate all of Merlin's sleeping darts just in case.

Merlin may have already used two.

Harry was wearing his kill bill nurse eye patch when he visited. He sat with Eggsy for twenty minutes so Merlin could shower in peace and quiet. At the end Harry promised to try and get medical to agree to the coma. He had no idea how Merlin was surviving the whining.

And from what he could gather this was Eggsy's sixth time watching My Fair Lady.

Merlin brought more crackers and soda into the bedroom and yelled when he saw Eggsy scratching. "Eggsy stop!"

"But it itches!" Eggsy whined. He was covered in spots, the calamine baths only barely worked for him.

"I know, but it will make it worse and you might even scar." Merlin came over and kissed Eggsy. "Just a few more days and it will be better."

"No it won't, I'll never be better." Eggsy moaned. "This is all your fault."

Merlin stepped back. "How, I'd really like to know."

"You made me sick. If you had just let me pretend I could have fought this off." Eggsy was scowling. He looked five.

"Ye could have fought off chicken pox by sheer force of lying to yourself."

"Yes." Eggsy had slipped a hand under the blankets and tried to subtly scratch.

"EGGSY!" Merlin roared.

"My dick itches. It isn't fair that chicken pox will put spots on your dick! No god could ever be that cruel." Eggsy looked at Merlin. "I want ice cream."

"Fine." Merlin stalked downstairs returned with the small tub and a spoon. "I'm out."

"Wot?" Eggsy asked. "You can't leave me, I'm sick. What if something happens to me?" Eggsy's eyes began to water. "I'm sorry I'll be good." He sniffled.

"Eggsy, we're out of the calamine, and pain medication. And that is the last of the ice cream. I'll be back quick enough."

"You're running away, leaving me, forever. Abandoning me to my fate." Eggsy hit play and Rex Harrison began to talk sing. "Go on then. See who needs you." Eggsy looked Merlin dead in the eye and scratched a spot. He then yelped when he tore it off and it bled a little.

Merlin left without another word.

************

Eggsy had drifted off by the time Merlin got home from his errands which was perfect for his plan.

He brought up Eggsy's gift and got them in place. He went downstairs made tea and put the supplies away.

Merlin then waited.

20 minutes later Eggsy woke up and shouted, "Merlin what the hell?"

Merlin went upstairs and watched Eggsy struggling to remove the mittens. He couldn't.

"They are padlocked on lad. Just loose enough to not affect your circulation. Mrs Carson has been working on them at my request - she quite understood the need after her one visit. They are lined with jersey cotton to be nice and soft. This way no more injury scratches. Now I'll prepare another soak for you, see if we can stop the itching for a bit, you will just have to be careful not to get the mittens wet."

Merlin helped Eggsy into the tub. Eggsy just looked at his mitten covered hands. Mrs. Carson had done colour work and he giggled when he realized it was daleks chasing cybermen.

"I've been horrible haven't I?" He asked.

"Aye." Merlin agreed. He pushed Eggsy forward a little so that he could softly wash his back.

"I hate to be a burden, a bother, useless." Eggsy finally said. "Dean called me a waste of oxygen, a parasite on him and mum. That if I wasn't out lifting wallets or some such, I wasn't worth much. You don't earn your keep your mum don't eat, he would say. He always knew what button to push."

"You are not a burden. You are upon occasion a bother, but it is a bother I rather like." Merlin kissed Eggsy's nape. "And you are the farthest one could get from useless. You are however sick. And you are in fact allowed to be sick and take the time to get better. No one thinks less of you for taking care of yourself." Merlin kissed again. "I will never think less of ye for taking care of yourself. I'm accustomed to your face."

"Okay." Eggsy said quietly. "Could we maybe cuddle."

"Of course."

"Could we watch My Fair Lady again?"

"Aye lad, as many times as ye like."

"Could you get the soft blanket, the one from our reading couch?"

"Certainly." Merlin helped Eggsy out of the water.

"Could you take the mittens off?"

"Nae." Merlin said, kissing his nose.

"But" Eggsy began.

"Nae Eggsy, the mitts stay on."


	26. There Are Other Kingsman You Know 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt for more Bors

_The Fool_

Mrs. Blackwell was sipping her morning tea when there was a knock at her door. Bors was standing there rocking on his heels a bit.

"Oh sweetie, come in come in. What brings you here so early?" Mrs. Blackwell bundled him into the house, taking his coat. They settled into the kitchen with tea and some biscuits.

Bors pulled out a handful of knitting patterns. "I need you to teach me how to make these."

Mrs. Blackwell looked at the patterns. "Oh Calvin, this is really tight, complex work. Your skills are steadily coming along, you are doing well, but this might be above your paygrade. We could get Doris to make them."

Bors put on his stubborn face. "No it's a gift for Pilar I have to do it myself."

Mrs Blackwell smiled and pat his cheek. "I'll got get supplies then."

 

Bors was whistling as he headed back to the small cabin. This had been a stealthy stealth mission which they usually didn't let him do, but it had also involved putting cameras and explosives in place and no one had a better had with delicate explosives. They were a system designed by Pilar and could be blown from home base when it was time. He was for sure going to get a reward cookie for this. 

Only there was a light on and the door was open to his cabin. He approached slowly and observed what he could.

"Amnesia darts and grab your stuff and get the hell out." Merlin ordered into his ear. Bors nodded and got his watch ready. Only to see one of the two guys paw through his bag and toss his knitting across the room. The four DPNs all fell out. It had taken him a month to get as far as he had.

"Right, sorry Merlin. Plan B."

Bors walked into the cabin with Merlin yelling in his ear. "Hi fellas, sorry but I'm going to have to kill you now. It's mostly because you are evil evil blokes, but also you don't fuck with a man's yarn." Bors slammed into the one guy and flipped him over his shoulder. He pulled a gun and shot the other guy two in the heart one in the head. The guy on the ground was trying to back away but Bors just unloaded his clip into the guys face.

"Looks like I'll have to burn the cabin down to hide the evidence. Luckily I have a couple extra chargers." Bors whistled as he packed up, Merlin still yelling in his ear.

Bors bet he looked badass as he walked to the car, building in flames behind him.

 

Bors got home two days later and was being chewed out by Merlin and Arthur for cocking up the mission. Again. He sat with a small box in his lap and didn't look bothered in the least. Until Pilar joined them and also started yelling about all the work she had put in designing the bomb system and what could have been so important that he had to leave a trail like a burned out cabin with two bodies. 

Bors smiled and held out the box. "They almost ruined your gift."

Pilar rolled her eyes and opened the box, ready to yell some more. Only she saw the two knit Day of the Dead dolls that sort of looked like her and Bors. The guy doll even held a grenade. The girl in a lab coat over her traditional dress.

"I got most of the blood off them." Bors said as she pulled them out. There was a small stain on the edge of the lab coat. "Do you like them?"

Pilar nodded not saying anything.

Arthur and Merlin threw up their hands, knowing they wouldn't get away with yelling at Bors anymore that day. Not when Pilar looked that happy.

 

_The Hermit_

Tristan was tending his garden, his dogs romping around. The quiet was nice, the office had been thrown into chaos with all the Halloween party plans. He had no objections to the party. He had a costume and figured he would attend for one hour. That seemed like it would meet his limit of people and noise. He still had to finish up his gift for the newly engaged couple, but that would be done in a night or two. He knew he had time. Harry as Arthur had instituted a policy where if an agent went on a mission barring emergency they had a week or two off to deal with any personal issues, to just have some time. Harry was far more concerned about the mental health of his people than Chester had ever been.

On the plus side it gave him more time at the house. The garden was just about done, ready for winter. The dogs were having fun romping about and getting a little muddy. All the noise they were making though, didn't stop the sound of a car coming up his drive. The advantage to being out here, was Tristan could hear people coming. He wiped his hands off, he never wore gloves when he gardened, and grabbed the rifle that had been at his side. He walked to the front of the house 4 of the dogs on his heels, the rest still busy playing. He stood in the middle of his drive and looked through the scope.

"That is unexpected." He said to the dogs. "We are having company, go gather the rest and head to the mudroom." He told the dogs. They tore around the house, knowing the words gather and mudroom. Tristan put on the kettle and put some snacks out. He went to the mudroom and wiped all the dogs down carefully. It wouldn't do to get their guest muddy. It wouldn't make a good impression. The dogs all heard the car and then the knock on the door. They were too well trained to run but walked over and stood in a line, just like they were kids in a production of The Sound of Music.

Tristan straightened his shirt a little and took a breath. He opened the door and the faintest of smiles grace his face.

"Hello Liz. Welcome to my home." He said.

She smiled. "Do you know I think that is the most I have ever heard you say."

"Well, I'm not in the habit of small talk." He gestured in. "Would you like tea?"

"It's a gorgeous day," She said looking around, "Maybe first a walk, you can show me your space."

"May the dogs come?"

"Of course."

Tristan gestured and they all poured out of the house, each pausing to shake with Liz. She had packed a bunch of homemade dog treats in her bag. Not that she was trying to impress anyone. They went for a walk through the garden and into the woods a bit. Neither said anything for an hour.

But they were holding hands at the end of it.

 

_The Chariot_

Bedievere loved nothing more than flying. He had been at the table almost as long as the now Arthur and Caradoc and had his share of insane missions, saving the world with his bare hands. But for him the best part had always been the hopping into a stolen helicopter and whisking away. Pushing a plane to it's fuel limits, flying through tight mountains.

Harry knew this and had been slowly moving Bedievere more and more to flying agents and less and less to Bedievere being the boots on the ground. He still saw plenty of action, and had his own missions. But he was debating asking for a formal transfer from the table to pilot. It was a rare move for a Kingsman but it was so tempting.

He also loved talking to the agents after a mission, as the adrenaline coursed through them. How they reacted. Bors was always bouncy and yelled a little (his hearing would go soon if he wasn't more careful with his love of explosions). Ector always was slow to shed whatever persona he had been living with, but watching him shed it like a snake skin was always a sight to behold.

Roxy was tense, fingers tight with the desire to wrap around something. Eggsy was a puppy, or a toddler wanting to touch every button. Bedievere had taken to having some crafting supplies on hand for those two when he had them along, kept them occupied.

Tristan just sat and read.

And there was Caradoc, with his precise gestures and very carefully chosen words. He was trying to feel Bedievere out about how he felt about all the changes to the Kingsman in the last few years. Concerns offered slyly, hidden meaning behind every word. Light jokes about competency and falling standards. How the table was getting too lax about discretion, about honour. That the true knights might have to have conversations. That Caradoc knew Bedievere was a man of great character and loyalty to the table.

Gawain had mentioned when Bedievere had picked him up last, that Harry had to be careful, that a storm might be brewing.

It looked like he was right. 

Bedievere wanted away from the table. He just wanted to fly.

But Caradoc was right, he was loyal to the table. He would stay a little longer.


	27. Are Ye Ready?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy goes to the estate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story has Daisy at three ages: 8/9 (about a month after she did her role model talk), 14, and 21.  
> oh and a lot of stuff is getting buried into this chapter for you to enjoy (because i am evil like that).

"Daisy, are ye ready?" Merlin asked. They stood before the bullet train under the shop. Daisy had just about died when Merlin had palm printed the mirror and the floor began to sink. She had figured out they were secret spies awhile ago, but she didn't really think it would be like the movies.

She stood their, hair in two braids, her favourite green sweater on that Eggsy had made. She looked at Uncle Lachlan and realized they were basically in matching sweaters, though instead of shoulder patches hers had stitched on flowers.

Daisy gripped his hand hard. She always held the hand with the missing fingers, to let him know it didn't bother her.

"Yes Uncle Lachlan. I'm ready." She took a step to the train but Merlin held her back. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Ye can't call me that here. The second we step on that train, I'm not your uncle, I'm a Kingsman." He waited.

Daisy began to quiver a little. "Oh my god you have code names. You all have actual real code names!" She pulled out her little field notebook and fancy small pen. 

Merlin looked at them. The book said  _Top Secret_. And that was one of their pens with the disappearing ink. "Where did ye get those lass?"

"Uncle Harry." Daisy looked up at Merlin. "Oh my god, that means he has a code name to doesn't it. And so does Eggsy. And Roxy. Who else?"

"Liz has yet to be issued an official name, she's been working with me since the accident but is not yet fully trained." Merlin explained. "Your brother is Galahad and Roxy is Lancelot. You will always address them by their code name from the moment ye step on that train."

"Bet Eggsy never follows that rule."

"Ye would win that bet. But you are better than him and will obey the rule if ye ever want to come back." 

"Yes sir." Daisy said seriously. She thought about it. "Harry is Arthur isn't he?"

"Aye, and Michael is Guinevere. He used to be Percival but insisted on the change when they got married. The romantic sap." Daisy thought it was super romantic.

"So who are you then?" She asked as they stepped on the train.

"Why lass, haven't you figured it out?" Merlin sat down and grinned. "I'm Merlin."

"Cool."

 

The tour lasted four hours. She insisted on seeing the planes and cars, and dropped by Pilar's wing and Pilar showed Daisy her latest projects. They stopped by Merlin's office, but Liz was busy yelling at an agent through the comms and Merlin really didn't want to have to explain how Daisy picked up those words so they quickly left. They went to the gun range where Gawain and Kay were having a friendly competition. And they ended at Harry's office where Harry and Eggsy were waiting with tea and cakes.

"So Miss Daisy, what do you think of our little operation?" Harry asked. He was wearing an eye patch with a daisy stitched on for the occasion.

Daisy sat and opened her little field book that he had given her. She activated the pen and touched it to the page so that all her notes could be seen. "Well Arthur, it seems like an impressive operation."

Eggsy just about died at her serious tone and couldn't stop himself from snapping a quick photo of her.

"Behave Galahad, do try to pretend to be a gentleman." And her saying that was enough to drop Eggsy out of his chair in laughter. Harry and Merlin were biting their cheek. "Gawain was holding back on the range to boost Kay's confidence. Liz can swear in three languages, Merlin deliberately kept me away from seeing anything too dangerous, and Pilar is planning a surprise for Bors. She had a project in a drawer she didn't want me to see. But you could tell she wanted to talk about it, was excited, but also knew that Merlin wouldn't approve. Oh and you need to hire better cleaners, there was missed dust on lower shelves."

"Thank you for that excellent report Daisy. I will certainly take your notes under advisement. Lemonade?" Harry asked.

"Yes, thank you Arthur."

"So Dais, you going to become a super spy like your big brother when you grow up?" Eggsy asked a grin on his face.

Daisy rolled her eyes, brothers were so stupid. "Of course not Galahad, that would be boring. I'm going to be Merlin. But I won't want to be called Merlin, that's his name. We have time to think of one for me."

****************************

"Daisy are ye ready?" Merlin asked.

She didn't wear her hair in two braids anymore. Merlin missed it. But she was wearing a green sweater Eggsy had made, just like her first visit. The shoulders had stripes now instead of flowers, and her jeans were a lot tighter than they used to be. She had to stop growing so fast. Merlin's heart couldn't take it.

"Yes Merlin, but -" Daisy reached out and gripped his fingers, just like she used to. "Did I make a bad choice?"

"Oh lass, we can always put ye back into school. I know ye were bored in your classes, that's the problem with being smarter than your teachers, but perhaps a boarding school for children who excel."

"No, no I'm not leaving you all." Daisy protested. "I want to stay here." She took a breath. "We all talked about it, and this seemed the smartest option for now, until I'm ready in a few years for university."

Merlin didn't want to tell her that was going to come sooner than she thought. If his girl wasn't ready for Oxford by the time she was 17, he'd be surprised.

"Okay, let's do this." Daisy said, pulling Merlin onto the train. 

They walked through the estate, people greeting them, well accustomed to the sight of Daisy over the years. Merlin lead her to a door just a little down from his and Liz's office. A small plaque had been put on the door that said "School Room". He opened the door and Daisy saw the space that had been set up for her. There was a desk with several computers, a white board, a reading nook. It was all painted in her favourite colours.

"Here is your schedule lass. Today you have morning PT with Galahad, then science with Pilar, history with Tristan. Lunch, then computers with The Durga -" Daisy looked confused. "That's Liz's code name. And now ye have to look it up for me and give me a 1,000 words on it by the end of the day. And ye close with literature with Arthur. There will always be some flexibility in your schedule due to the whims of agents who might want to teach ye a thing or two." Merlin grinned. It was the one that candidates feared. "I promise lass, ye are not going to be bored here."

Merlin was so seldom wrong, but in this he was.

Daisy was accepted into the top five schools in the country when she was 16, but she deferred for a year, because  _like they have anything better than all of you_.

She was finished her degree by 20.

****************************

"Daisy are ye ready?" Merlin asked as they stared at the train. He had started to feel his age, and on some days walked with a cane to balance the missing leg. There were more wrinkles, a little extra weight, but as Eggsy regularly said, he was still right fit.

But he was tired and knew it was time to pass the mantle. Daisy and Liz had been working together for years now, Daisy spending every spare minute she had from university with the Kingsman, learning, training, preparing. Today would be a big step. The first time Merlin hadn't lead the candidate selection process in over 40 years. Liz had been the one to make him see that the job would be better with two, and had said from when Daisy was 15 that it would be the two of them. Liz wouldn't work with anyone else. Liz had become as grumpy and long suffering as Merlin over the years. But she didn't wear the sweater, she wore a Kingsman suit and her greying hair was always pulled into a bun - Tristan liked how it showed off the streaks. He liked to look at them when they had their lunches that they still didn't talk during.

So Merlin would oversee the training and retire. Which everyone knew just meant he'd only work about 5 hours a day, and mostly monitoring Eggsy on missions.

"I'm ready Merlin." Daisy said. Her hair was loose, her glasses Kingsman, and her sweater that Eggsy made an exact replica of Merlin's.

"Very well, then. We are off." They stepped on the train and went to the office that the three now shared. 

Liz had been the one to sign in all the candidates. "Galahad's pick is going to be trouble." was all she said. Daisy and Merlin snorted a little. "Of course he is, he's got a worse chip on his shoulder than Galahad ever did."

"Thought you would have knocked it off years ago." Liz said, moving the cameras around a little to look at the candidates.

"Nae, we love that about him too much." Merlin said easily.

"Want me to go do the speech now?" Liz asked with a little glee, she had been wanting to do the body bag speech.

"Let me." Daisy said. They looked at her. "I'm younger than all of them. Let's see how they react to having someone like me give the little welcome speech."

"A fair point." Merlin said. Liz agreed. "Ye will need your board lass." And Merlin handed Daisy her personal clip board. Daisy tried to still the tremor in her hand at reaching for that piece of equipment. "Off you go."

Daisy walked down the hall, psyching herself up. She saw Arthur standing there, hair now full grey but still full and he had let the curl loose a bit more than he used to. He was wearing his Daisy eye patch. "Galahad was too nervous to greet you." He said with a smirk, "So he sent me, by now he'll be chewing a nail watching the cameras with Merlin and Durga. Be fearless, be strong, be who you've been training to be." Harry gave her a hug and walked down the hall to join the others.

Daisy stepped into the room. "Fall in." she said.

It took them longer than it should. "Are you here for our tea order?" One of the guys sneered.

"Nae." She said. Over the years she had picked up a few of Merlin's vocal ticks without even realizing it. She walked over to one of the beds. "Can any of you tell me what this is?" She dropped a bug into the folds of it.

"Body bag." Galahad's candidate finally said.

"Very good." Daisy gave the speech and walked out of the room. She hadn't even made it a few steps when the comm in her ear crackled and a couple of the candidates started to make fun of her. 

"Come on, now way is she our trainer, she's a child." Someone said.

"I don't know, she seemed tough." Galahad's candidate said. He was trying not to give anything away, she'd credit him that at least.

"No way, little fluff ball like that, a couple harsh words and she'd crumple like a used tissue." That guy continued. "Bet I could show her a thing or two. If you know what I mean." A harsh laugh. "Bet she'd look good screaming my name."

Daisy sighed and turned around. "Durga, the door if you please."

"Of course. You want the blond boy, with the crooked nose." Liz said into Daisy's ear. Daisy watched the handle move, to make her action easier. Daisy took a breath and kicked the door in hard. All the candidates jumped at the noise.

She stormed into the room and got in the face of the candidate that had been talking out of school. "Let me be clear. I am The Morrigan. I am your trainer, I am your death if I so choose. You will obey my orders, you will not insult me, or I promise I'll be the one to put you in that bag myself. Is that clear?" Around the room everyone said Yes ma'am. But not the guy in front of her. 

Daisy grinned and raised a hand. Wiggled her fingers. He was confused and distracted and Daisy had him on the floor and in a sleeper hold in 20 seconds. "I said is that clear?"

"Yes ma'am." the guy said, choking and trying to tap out.

"Good." 

"That's enough ma'am." Galahad's candidate touched her shoulder. Daisy let go of the one man and pivoted and decked the other guy. "Ye don't touch me without permission or I swear I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it."

The candidate didn't look at her with fear, but with awe and a smile. "Yes Morrigan. Understood ma'am."

Daisy left the room without looking back.

When she got to the office everyone cheered and hugged her.

Merlin said, "Little hard on your brother there, weren't you?"

Daisy rolled her eyes and for the first time ever broke conduct. "Come on Dad, he can take it. Besides his arm comes off easy, not like it would be hard to rip it off him and beat him with it."

"Pilar rigged his prosthetic with bombs same as mine." Merlin said. He didn't stop hugging his girl. He was so proud of her.

"Yes yes this is all great, but gentleman The Morrigan and I do have work to do. Go celebrate how awesome she is in Arthur's office and get out of our way."

The three men agreed it was a good plan. Arthur, Merlin, and Galahad left the women to do their work.

Eggsy made sure to hug and kiss his husband a lot, worried about how he might be reacting to passing the torch.

But Merlin was fine.

Passing the mantle to Daisy had been his plan since she had done that role model project when she was 8.

 


	28. Swing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think it’d be cute if merlin/eggsy harry/percival roxy/sarah all went on a swing dancing date but that’s just me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set just a little in the future about 6 months from Halloween in a Knight's Guide.

"And gentleman that puts Roxy and I at 100 points, so we win the tournament." Roxy and Sarah exchanged a victory high five. "And more specifically I threw the winning roll, which means I get to pick our group activity."

Eggsy groaned at the grin on Sarah's face. "Why'd we start doing game night anway?" he grumbled.

Merlin kicked him, Eggsy knew exactly why they had. "Okay but then why did we set a point scale where the victor got to then choose a group activity? It's all so what normal people do." Eggsy complained.

"Well that was rather the point wasn't it?" Harry countered. "Be normal couples. Think of it as a deep cover mission if you need to."

"Do I have a budget?" Sarah asked. "We will need supplies. Clothes. You gentleman will need suits."

Percival looked a little confused. "Sarah we all have suits."

"Not the right ones." Sarah giggled. It only sounded mostly evil.

********************

2 weeks later they were at Sarah's victory event.

Eggsy was refusing to go in. "We look like idiots."

"We look like everyone else here." Merlin replied.

"You aren't wearing a suit." Eggsy grumbled. "And fine you don't look like an idiot, you look bleeding gorgeous o'course. But I look like a tosser." Merlin stood there in a shirt and braces, striped trousers and a fedora low over his eyes.

"You look like Captain America." Merlin said, kissing Eggsy's knuckles. "This might be fun lad. Harry's excited."

"Harry's always excited about the chance to dance." But Eggsy allowed Merlin to drag him in.

The lighting was soft, the music boisterous. Harry and Percival were already inside sitting at a table. Eggsy walked over to them and sat down. Harry was tapping a beat on the table and smiling. "Surprised you ain't already on the dance floor bruv."

"We were waiting for you to arrive." Harry said easily. He gestured to the floor, "The ladies are of course already having a go at it." 

Sure enough there was Roxy on the floor carefully swinging Sarah around. Roxy's hair was in victory rolls with a ribbon, her clothes similar to Merlin's. Sarah's hair was flame red, matching the cherries on her black dress, a beautiful black knit shrug covering her shoulders. The were laughing, and having a wonderful time. 

The band ended and called a ten minute break. The women stumbled back to the table and Roxy held out a chair, helped Sarah sit down.

Eggsy glared at his friend. "Swing dancing."

Sarah grinned and took a sip of pop. "Yup."

"But swing dancing."

"I've been asking you to go with me for years. I love it." Sarah said. "I get to wear a pretty dress and watch talented people move around to fun music."

"But in your condition." 

"I'm being careful, Eggsy, I know my limits. And a little exercise is good. Not like Roxy's tossing me in the air or anything. You can do that later." Sarah said with a wink.

"Oh no, I ain't getting out there. I'll have a nice cocktail and cheer you on and take a million photos but I ain't dancing. Don't ask me."

Sarah stuck out her tongue. "Don't be a grumpus fuddy duddy." She looked at the other men. "You all look very handsome by the way. Retro suits you."

"Everything suits me." Harry said with a smile. Both Percival and Merlin snorted into their drinks. For the night Harry's eye patch had music notes on it. The band began to tune up again. Harry ignored everyone else at the table. "Sarah, I believe this one is mine." He held out his hand and helped Sarah up. They went out to the dance floor and began a lively quickstep foxtrot.

Merlin stood and held out his hand to Roxy. "Since my husband is happy glowering, I will need assistance in showing up Harry." Roxy grinned and they dove into a lindy hop.

Eggsy was shocked. He had no idea that Merlin could dance like that. And holy hell he had Roxy up in the air with her kicking her legs. Not to be out down Harry twirled Sarah in a series of quick movements and they did a quick little side by side soft shoe.

"It's not as hard as it looks you know." Percival said to Eggsy. He sipped his martini, a soft grin on his face as he looked at Harry.

"Looks hard to me."

"You know how to waltz. And do dancing in general."

"Sure the waltz was in the training, but none of this fancy work was."

"It's really just a sped up version, if you can do a box step you can do enough for here, for your first time."

"So why aren't you out there then?" Eggsy asked in a tiny bit of a strop.

"Because Eggsy, I like to lead, just letting Harry burn off some of his energy first." Percival smiled. "Can't have him be boss all the time." The music switched to another song and Percival stood. He walked over and cut in on Harry and Sarah. Harry grinned and held out his arms. Percival just shook his head, grabbed Harry and swung him around. Harry's laugh echoed even in the loud hall.

Sarah came and sat beside Eggsy. "Come on. Please, pretty please." She batted her eyes at him.

"No." At this point he sort of wanted to get out there, but was just nervous. 

"Can't deny me, I'll start to cry. Hormones you know." She rested her hand on her stomach.

"Oh don't use my honorary niece or nephew like that." Eggsy poked at the gentle swell.

"A ball of silk/wool." She bribed.

He stood. "Two."

"Deal." 

He held Sarah in his arms, and listened as the new song came on, thankful it had a slower tempo. 

"Just breathe, and one, two, three. One, two, three, and swing me around the floor." She said quietly. 

"Okay." Eggsy counted to the music and soon they were moving easily. He had to admit it was pretty fun. He watched Merlin and Roxy move about, their clothes so similar and Roxy attempting to lead which was difficult with how Merlin towered over her. 

Harry was giggling as Percival moved him about the floor. The hint of sparkle in his eye patch was catching all the lights.

"So maybe this was a good idea." Eggsy admitted as he spun Sarah out a little and brought her back in. 

They finished out the song and another before heading back to the table.

Roxy quickly followed. "You okay babe?"

Sarah rolled her eyes and kissed Roxy. "Yeah, going to sit a couple out, but I'm great."

Harry and Percival joined them. "This was a wonderful idea Sarah, would have not thought of this, but I'm glad you did."

"Care to go back out there then?" Percival asked.

"Can I lead?" Harry countered.

"No." Percival grinned. Harry kissed him hard. 

"I'll let you lead." A young girl, maybe 20 came up to Harry.

Harry bowed to her, "Well I can hardly refuse such an offer." Harry lead the girl out to the dance floor and they were lost in the crowd.

Percival laughed at being left behind. He went to the bar to get more drinks.

Roxy had Sarah's feet up in her lap, and was rubbing her ankles a little.

Merlin sat next to his husband. "Ye looked quite charming out there lad. Seems such a shame if we don't have a spin together." 

Eggsy looked at Merlin. "You know what you are doing out there."

"Aye. But all you have to do is trust me, feel my hand around your waist, let me guide ye. Think of it like me guiding you on a mission." Merlin kissed the corner of Eggsy's mouth. "Let me have a grand dance with my beautiful husband. Make everyone in the room jealous."

Eggsy could never say no to Merlin. "If I look like an idiot, booty shorts of shame for you."

"Oh lad, ye won't look like an idiot. Ye never could." Merlin pulled Eggsy up. "Ye are too damn beautiful to ever look a fool."

"Sap." Eggsy said.

"Aye." Merlin grinned. He slipped the braces off his shoulders and let them hang against his legs, undid another button at his throat, rolled up his sleeves to just below his elbows. He tossed off his hat and Sarah happily put it on. Merlin held out his hand to Eggsy and smiled.

"Oh god, okay you can have all the dances you want. All the dances." Eggsy said. He followed Merlin onto the dance floor.

Merlin held out his arms and Eggsy stepped in. "Hold tight, k?" Eggsy whispered.

"Can't do anything else lad." Merlin said. The song began and Merlin swung Eggsy around.


	29. The Was Nothing to Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to see a story about Eggsy confronting Merlin about the revelation that he was terrified when he realized he loved Eggsy. I loved that part in the recent Knight's Guide chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4811231/chapters/11786600 that is the link to the relevant chapter of a Knight's Guide just if you need to catch up.
> 
> But when talking to Harry about making up with Percival Harry says they wouldn't understand how scared he is and Eggsy says no he doesn't, but Merlin admits he had been terrified when he had fallen in love with Eggsy - and never told Eggsy about this.
> 
> This won't be a long one.

Eggsy didn't want to wait until they got home to have this conversation, so he lead them to the small bedroom they kept at the estate. In theory no one was supposed to claim a specific room, they were for any agents or employees, but it was long agreed upon that Merlin could have a permanent space with how hard he worked for the agents.

Eggsy closed the door after them. He watched Merlin toe off his shoes and sit on the bed.

Merlin held out a hand but Eggsy shook his head.

"Right now I touch you, I'm going to forget I'm a little mad, and I want to hold onto that." Eggsy crossed his arms to stop him from reaching out to his husband. He watched Merlin put his hand down. "3 years Merlin, we've been together 3 years, and I'm only finding out now that you were terrified?"

"Oh, when would have been a good time to tell ye lad?" Merlin asked with a quirk of brow.

"When you felt it, we could have talked about it, talked through it." Eggsy said.

"Felt? Ye don't quite get it do you? This isn't a thing that I've just gotten over. I'm still terrified every damn day with you Eggsy. Just most days I can bury it, ignore it."

"You told Harry you got past it." Eggsy said.

"Because I'm going to give Harry the full truth when it comes to emotions? I'm going to tell him - who currently melts down every four days over Percival that I'm never past it, not completely and I doubt I ever will be. Nae lad, that would have done too much harm."

"I love you Merlin." Eggsy said. "I love you so much, and I don't see what would change that."

"Oh Eggsy, I know you do. This is not about you, how you really feel, this is about me and my perception of you, of us. It has gotten less over the years."

"Merlin, I know you have secrets, I haven't pushed on them because they were from before me." Eggsy touched a hand to his heart, where the bullet tattoo was on Merlin, the one he still didn't know the story of. "And I didn't think they affected us. But this, this you should have told me, why didn't you tell me?"

Eggsy felt a little broken. 

Merlin wanted desperately to touch his husband but didn't move. "Eggsy, I tried to tell you once, and I choked on the words. I'm not a superstitious man, not really, but I thought if I put voice to it, it might make it true."

"Scotland. The first trip."

"Aye, we almost broke on that trip, we came so close to being done and when we talked it out, I thought, now Lachlan, tell him how scared you are, how some of the things the men were saying as a joke, are things you worry about in the dark, when alone and Eggsy is gone on a mission." Merlin sighed and rubbed his head. "And I opened my mouth and then you were kissing me and I pushed it aside."

"I won't cheat on you." Eggsy's voice was cold, hard. "And I don't know what to do with you thinking that I might."

"I don't think that. Not really. It's not who you are. But I'm old and getting older, it is not unreasonable to fear what may come."

"Do you really have sweat shirts from before I was alive?"

Merlin laughed a little. "Aye two university sweat shirts."

Eggsy finally moved closer, sat on the bed, but didn't reach for Merlin. "Okay let's talk it out. You said you were scared that I could find better." Eggsy looked at Merlin, "Where in this entire fucking world am I finding better than you? Because ask 80% of the people here they'd agree with me - there ain't any better than you guv."

Merlin opened his mouth but Eggsy held up a finger.

"I think we've well established we don't got no bedroom problems, don't think we need to go over that old fear do we?"

"Nae, that fear is long gone lad." Merlin grinned.

"About the age thing Lachlan -"

"The numbers are what they are Eggsy." Merlin said. "It doesn't bother me most days, but some morning when you spring out of bed and I wait for me back to not twinge because I was too long on the computers, I wonder at it."

"Merlin, I'm likely to die first." Eggsy's voice was so small. "While you worried about leaving me when I'm like 60 or somefing - I've never thought about it like that, because I just assumed I'd be dead in the field before then." Eggsy shrugged. "I always figured at least I'd die with you in my ear. And I am happy Harry is Arthur, because he'll be a good support system for you. And Robert back in Scotland, he'll take care of you too."

Merlin's eyes were swimming for a moment and then they hardened. "No, no ye will not die in the field lad. Not while I'm at the desk."

"You can't guarantee -"

"I damn well can, I'm the best fecking wizard the world has ever seen and I'll destroy everyone and everything, burn it down and start it fresh, before I will allow harm to come to ye."

"Okay then. Dying is off the menu it seems." Eggsy grinned. "You don't worry about dying on me, and I don't figure I'll die on you." Eggsy held out his hand and Merlin shook it formally.

"About kids." Eggsy said.

"Eggsy," Merlin began.

"I'm in my twenties, just really in the beginnings of my career, a dangerous career. So honestly kids ain't on my radar not now." Eggsy looked at Merlin. "But just so we're clear, any kid would be lucky to have you as a dad, even if it is only for a few years or a decade or two. So we spoil the hell out of Daisy. We spoil the hell out of that kid Sarah and Roxy are trying to have."

"You know Eggsy that in a way."

"No, it ain't mine. Sure I'm the DNA because Lab Rat hasn't figured out how to make eggs turn into sperm yet. But that kid, when they have it - it ain't mine. It's theirs all the way, we'll be the uncles, the best there ever were." Eggsy said this easily, for him it was. 

"You just would be such a good father." Merlin said.

"Sure, but that's a maybe, a possibility. You sitting right here in front of me - that's a certainty. I'm not giving up you for a maybe one day. For a thing I'm not even sure I want. That's just bad math." 

Eggsy finally held out his hand and Merlin took it. "And if you think for a second that I could breathe without you, that I don't need you like I need my heart beat, then you haven't been paying enough fucking attention."

Merlin squeezed Eggsy's hand tight.

"You know why I was never terrified, why the age thing hasn't really bugged me? Because you let me see you in a corset and stockings for Rocky Horror, because you took me to My Fair Lady at that nice movie theatre and let me sleep on you and never complained, because you keep me alive, because I really within three weeks of us starting to date you were the other half of my fucking soul. And being made whole was too damn awesome to ever be terrified of."

Merlin leaned in, rested his head on his husband's shoulder. "Ye are far more clever than ye ever get credit for."

"I like being underestimated - even by you." Eggsy said. "But Merlin, you can't keep trying to hide this sort of thing, can't carry all the burdens or it won't just be you crushed under the weight - it will be us. And neither of us wants that. Keep the secrets of your past, but no more in the present okay? There is nothing to fear, not if you talk to me."

"I really hate Sam Smith, and want to destroy our whole music system when you put it on."

"I'll only listen to it when I have headphones on."

"I am scared of spiders and want you to kill any and all that end up in our house."

"I will protect you with my life." Eggsy agreed. He moved closer so that they were touching even more.

"If we lived different lives I would very much want a child with ye."

"If the multi-verse theory is correct somewhere out there we do and I bet we're great with them."

"I want ye to be mine forever. It's selfish I know but I hate the thought of you moving on if I die first."

"Ah but remembered we just settled that - no one is dying so problem solved." Eggsy grinned.

"As you say." Merlin agreed. "I am sorry lad."

"I know you are Lachlan. And when the terror creeps in remember this talk yeah? Remember that I could ask for nothing more than what I have with you." Eggsy kissed his husband. "We're okay you know, just no more hiding."

"Aye."

They lay down on the bed in silence for a while just holding each other.

Eggsy leaned up a bit, "Babe I need you to get me something from that second drawer over there." Eggsy pointed at the chest against the wall. "You'll know what I want when you see it."

Merlin kissed Eggsy's forehead and got up and went to the drawer. It was easy to figure out there were only three things in it.

He sighed and hung his head, it was no less than he deserved. "Which colour lad?"

"I think the pale blue for tonight. The one's that say Property of Eggsy Unwin on the butt." Eggsy put his hands behind his head and grinned. "And you are wearing them tomorrow while you work so that you don't forget what we talked about tonight."

"Aye lad." Merlin grabbed the booty shorts of shame out of the drawer and began to strip down.

 


	30. Eye See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt request: Can we get a snippet (or a chapter If you'd rather) about Eggsy seeing Harry's eye? And Merlin too? Please and thank you:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is very very early in the universe, before Eggsy and Merlin are even dating. So no one knows yet that Eggsy is the knitter, Harry and Percival haven't even thought of dating.   
> On the blog it was mentioned that Percival has seen Harry's eye because they are boyfriends. Bedievere, Merlin, and Eggsy have also seen it. Bedievere was because he was the one to pick Harry up and Harry required medical assistance. Here now is the others seeing it.

Eggsy knew it was late, he couldn't really expect Harry to be up, but Eggsy had a nightmare about the Gazelle fight and had gone out walking. And found himself on Harry's doorstep. Harry had been back a month and Eggsy sometimes couldn't believe he was really there. 

Who survives being shot at point blank range? In the head? 

Harry, Merlin had said, like he expected nothing less.

Eggsy knew he shouldn't be on Harry's steps at 2am. He scuffed his foot against the step and was turning him and JB around. 

The door opened. "Oh for, I'm tired of you just standing there - come on in." Harry said, leaving the door open and walking away.

Eggsy went in.

And saw Merlin there in sweat pants on a computer. With no shirt on.

He looked between the two men. "Oh." Right, he didn't expect that. "Ohhh." Well this was awkward.

"Nae. Whatever you are thinking, nae. Ye didn't interrupt anything." Merlin said not looking up.

"Medical said I wasn't allowed to be alone yet, and since I wasn't going to stay there, Merlin has been kipping here until I get the all clear."

"Why not stay in one of the bedrooms on the estate?" Eggsy asked.

"Because they don't have my stuff. I...needed my house." Harry's voice was hesitant. 

"You needed the comfort." Eggsy said understanding.

"Yes." Harry smiled. "Tea?"

"Yeah, sounds good bruv."

Harry disappeared.

"So...Merlin," Eggsy began.

"No, ye cannae ask about the tattoos." Merlin said, still not looking up from his computer.

"Spoil sport." Eggsy said with a pout. JB barked in agreement.

"As you say." Merlin kept typing away. "He isn't sleeping either." Merlin added quietly.

"And you are?" Eggsy asked.

"Nae." Merlin admitted.

"So at least we can all not sleep together then." Eggsy said almost cheerful. "We'd braid each other's hair, if you had any. At least Harry's has mostly grown back." Merlin raised a hand off his computer to flip Eggsy off.

"Charming." Harry said dryly as he came back in. He poured tea for them all, put out a plate of biscuits.

"So?" Harry asked.

"Nightmare. Why are you awake?" Eggsy asked.

"The scars still feel tight sometimes, and the eye throbs." Harry admits, "Sets off headaches, some nights are worse than others."

"And you guv?" Eggsy asked Merlin.

"Oh he's a worrywort. Worse than any mum. If I'm awake, he's awake, saying he had work to do anyways." Harry said with a snort.

"I do have work." Merlin protested, typing furiously.

Harry moved fast, and grabbed the laptop. Merlin was quick, but Harry hit a key and World of Warcraft filled the screen. "Right work."

Merlin snatched the laptop back, "Ye better have not screwed up my raid." Merlin was hitting keys fast.

Eggsy almost fell off the chair laughing. It was then that he realized that Harry was wearing the bunny slippers Eggsy had made. The floppy ears danced as Harry moved a foot. Eggsy leaned back on the couch, and closed his eyes, still holding his tea cup and let the banter between the two older men wash over him, soothing him.

He figured there was only a slight chance Harry would kill him if he asked something he had wondered about. "So do you actually have an eye under there?"

Eggsy could feel the weight he put in the room by asking. Merlin did a few more keystrokes and then closed the laptop. Harry was very still.

"Sorry, never mind." Eggsy said, cheeks flooding with colour.

"No it's alright." Harry said finally. "The glasses saved my life. They slowed the bullet down. It did enter my skull, but the trajectory was changed. My eye somehow managed to stay intact and while the bullet fractured my skull, it didn't actually shred up my brain. I had the type of luck that just shouldn't have happened. But a head wound bleeds a lot, and who could expect someone would survive that? So they left me there."

Eggsy opened his eyes, saw Merlin looking Harry with affection.

"Ye always had more luck than any person should." Merlin said. "Bedievere said your eye isn't actually dead."

"No, technically I have about 8-10% vision in it. But the lid around it, is very scarred and the socket isn't the same, so the eye sits not quite right. Prolonged exposure to light would cause a great deal of pain. Plus it is unsightly, the scars you see around the patch are nothing in comparison." 

"Bet it's not that bad." Eggsy said looking at Harry.

"You would lose that bet." Harry replied.

"Nuh-uh, bet I've seen way grosser. One time Jamal sliced his leg on some fence, went almost right to the bone, only we couldn't go to a hospital since we were not exactly doing legal things, and it got infected and I had to lance it and there was exploding puss and everything. No way your eye looks worse than that."

Harry looked at Merlin for help. 

"I've always considered ye an ugly bastard. Not like it would make a difference to me." Merlin snarked. He had also seen the medical reports that were worried about Harry's response to his change in appearance. He had wondered how to help his friend, but it seems Eggsy would be taking care of this nicely.

Harry looked at the two of them, "It is really hideous."

"Ten pounds says I don't even react." Eggsy said sitting up better.

"And I will do your paperwork for a week." Merlin said.

Harry slowly reached up and pulled the eye patch off. It was an unpleasant sight but he watched as Eggsy and Merlin didn't react at all. A tension he had in his stomach that he had been carrying for a while let go.

"Told you, I'd seen way worse." Eggsy said, looking at Harry, his eyes never leaving Harry's face. "Frankly, you were too pretty before, this makes you more approachable."

Harry laughed a little. "You thought I was pretty?"

"Yeah, I mean you've seen you, you are right fit." Eggsy grinned, "Not quite my type, but anyone can see you got the goods. Bet you get lots of action."

"Less than you think, the job takes up a lot of time." Harry said. He looked at Merlin.

"Are ye using the ointment on it that the doctor gave you, it looks a little dry." Merlin said squinting at him.

"Yes mum, I am taking care of it."

"Really?"

Harry paused, "Oh. I may have forgotten tonight."

Merlin grumbled and stomped upstairs. He came back down with gloves and a tube. He crouched in front of Harry and carefully applied the medicine. "Ye need to take care of yourself. I'll be damned if you leave me to deal with everything myself."

"Yes Merlin." Harry said. Harry put the patch back in place.

"Good. I'm going to shower. Eggsy that couch is comfortable, I'll make a decent fry up in the morning. I'm going to shower and sleep. You two stay up too late and I'll be quite cross with ye." And with that Merlin left them alone.

"It is a comfortable couch." Harry agreed. He moved over to where Merlin had been sitting and watched as Eggsy stretched out. JB hopped up onto his feet. 

"It is." Eggsy said snuggling down. "Harry, does the job give you bad nightmares?"

"Yes." Harry nodded a little. "As much as you might try, things will haunt you."

"Do you ever get over them?" Eggsy sounded sad.

"Of course, everything fades in time."

"Are you lying?" Eggsy asked.

"Does it matter?" Harry replied.

"No, suppose not." Eggsy admitted. He snuggled deeper into the pillows.

"You are welcome here whenever you can't sleep. I don't mind. I do have a guest room, one that Merlin will hopefully stop using soon." Harry said.

"Thanks bruv." Eggsy said.

They were quiet and Harry wondered if the young man had fallen asleep. He was getting ready to go up to bed.

"The eye isn't as bad as you think Harry." Eggsy didn't open his eyes. "I mean yeah it's not good, but it's not so bad."

"I don't look like me." Harry said quietly. "It is difficult to adjust to."

"Because you're wearing that boring ass plain black patch. That ain't you."

"A gentleman does not draw attention to his appearance." 

"Oh bullshit, the umbrella, the flash suits, you know you love people staring at you. Merlin calls you a flash bastard, a peacock, and you know that's true." Eggsy said.

Harry couldn't quite disagree.

"Might make you feel better, embrace the patch, have some fun with it." Eggsy said. "Just a thought." He yawned.

"Go to sleep Eggsy." Harry said. "You'll have no more bad dreams tonight."

"Promise?" Eggsy asked.

"Promise." Harry agreed.

He was right.

In the morning Merlin did a huge fry up and they all went into the office, Harry more confident than he had been recently.

Three days later, there was a knit eye patch with a pirate skull on it waiting on his desk.

Harry put it on. 

And smiled. 

Perhaps Eggsy had been right, plain black was a little boring.

He wondered if Andrew could make patches to match his suits.

 


	31. Butcher, Baker, Candlestickmaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: What happened to Dean? (Was this addressed and I missed it?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No dear prompter you did miss this, I was just waiting to right this until someone asked.
> 
> Figure that Eggsy and Merlin have been dating a couple months or so (this is a bit before the NICU chapter). So that means this is about 8 months after V-day and that Eggsy got his mum away from Dean within a couple weeks of the big event.
> 
> This will move between the present (the present being the month of dating) and Eggsy's childhood. warning in the italics there will be mentions of abuse.

"Hey Rox?" Eggsy asked.

"Hmmm?" Roxy replied, more paying attention to cleaning her guns than Eggsy.

"We're some of the best trained, scariest people on the planet." Eggsy was cleaning his own guns. "But even within us there are levels. Some are scarier than others. Like Tristan - he's super crazy scary, I've never heard him say more that yay or nay on a vote. And we know Harry is scary as fuck. Even with the eye gone and those extra headaches I wouldn't be trying to take him down. But we've all got that thing we're brilliant at. So who's the biggest badass of us all?" Eggsy wasn't sure, and he was curious of her opinion.

"Dunno, haven't really thought about it." Roxy had one gun done and was moving to the next. "Uncle Michael is pretty scary. Has that patience that only a sniper can have. It can be terrifying."

"Uncle Michael?" Eggsy looked at her.

"Percival?" She looked at him. "Eggsy you know everyone has names right, not just their codes?"

"Yeah sure, but didn't really think about it. Anyone ever call him Mickey?"

"James did once, he slept on the couch for a week."

"Huh. So that your vote? Percival?"

"Nah. You are." She said easily.

"Me? Why?" Eggsy was surprised.

"Because you look cute, like a puppy, but you'd burn yourself down to finish the job if need be. That is scary as hell." 

They finished their work in silence.

 

_"Eggsy, this is Dean Baker. We've gone out on a few dates, and I thought it was time you met." Michelle held out her hand to Eggsy. He was turning 12 in just a couple weeks and was waiting on a growth spurt he could still almost pass for 9. Eggsy came closer, the guy looked like any guy from the neighbourhood._

_"Hey pal." Dean said holding out his hand. "Your mom never stops talking about you. Says your right smart, and do well at gymnastics."_

_"Yeah, I guess I'm alright."_

_"Nonsense Eggsy you are fantastic." Michelle protested. "He's so modest."_

_"Understand you have a birthday coming up, brought you a little something." Dean gestured to the box on the table. Eggsy looked at his mum who nodded. He tore off the cheap paper and saw the cd player inside. "Aces man. Thanks."_

_"Not a problem son. Want us to get along, plan to be around for a while." Dean smiled._

_He didn't hit Eggsy until Eggsy was 15._

 

Eggsy was out on a mission with Bedievere. "Sir?" Eggsy asked as they flew home. Bedievere had batted his fingers away from all the dials a bunch.

"I've told you Galahad, sir is unnecessary. Bedievere, or even 'Vere if you prefer. That's what Gawain calls me." He smiled. "Will be home in 30, you have big plans with Merlin?"

"He said he had a surprise for me." Eggsy admitted.

"Nice, those early relationship surprises are the best." Bedievere said lost in memory.

"Vere, who's the scariest of us?" Eggsy asked. "You've been around a long time, who do you think is the scariest of us?"

"Ector." Bedievere finally said.

"Really?" That was an answer Eggsy never expected to hear.

"Sure. Do you know how much death he carries in that smile?" Bedievere angled the wings a little. "He can change himself so easily for whatever a job calls for, and I've seen him step onto this plane and just shed it like a snake. A man that capable of deceit? He scares me the most."

Eggsy looked out the window and saw the lights of the estate. And smiled.

 

_Eggsy celebrated his sixteenth birthday by stealing a bunch of Dean's beers, didn't look like his mum was going to remember. But she was always busy placating Dean. He was swimming, feeling loose when Dean stormed in. He was too slow, couldn't escape the punches._

_"Bastard, loser, think you're clever, really? Well we're going to see how clever you are tomorrow. Hope you feel good by then." Dean stormed back out._

_Eggsy was in too much pain and too drunk to figure out what that meant._

_He found out the next morning._

_Street corner or pick pocket._

_Time to earn his keep._

_Luckily he had always had light fingers._

 

"Merlin?" Eggsy asked. They were snuggled on the couch and Merlin was suffering (though secretly enjoying) through The Crow.

Eric was getting his revenge and Eggsy forgot his point for a moment.

"Right, so who do you think is the scariest Kingsman? Been asking people know one has the same answer." Eggsy titled his head up to look at his boyfriend.

"Harry." Merlin said easily. "Fucker has the current highest kill count, only failed one mission that was due to taking a bullet to the eye and he lived through that. That's superhero level stuff. I wouldn't want to face him ever. Fearless. Ruthless."

"Yeah he's on my shortlist." Eggsy agreed. "Oooh that guy is so creepy." He said watching the movie.

 

_"Mum?" Eggsy asked walking into the flat, hearing her cry. He followed the sound to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Mum?"_

_"I'm fine." she said._

_"Bullshit." Eggsy said walking in. She was sitting on the floor. He could see the bruises on her wrist, and when she looked up, he saw the cut on her lip. Eggsy wet a cloth and cleaned her face. "Mum, we can leave, get out."_

_"He's not so bad. I just forgot he was having the boys over, didn't have enough beer in." She protested._

_"Mum." Eggsy said a plea in his voice._

_"Eggsy I'm pregnant. We can't make it without him, I can't do this alone."_

_"You'd have me." Eggsy said._

_"Dean wouldn't let his baby go." Michelle said._

_"Let's get you lying down yeah?" Eggsy helped his mum up and put her on the bed and wrapped a blanket he had made her around her shoulders. He stayed with her until she was asleep. He stormed down to the Black Prince where Dean was already shit faced with his friends._

_"You don't hit mum again." Eggsy said storming over to the table._

_"My marriage ain't none of your business boy. The fact that you haven't brought in enough this month however is." One of Dean's men stood and moved over to Eggsy._

_"You trying to make her miscarry?!" Eggsy yelled._

_All the guys froze._

_Dean found his voice, "Michelle's preggers?"_

_"Yeah, and here's the deal - you treat her like a fucking queen for the length of this, and I'll bring in goddamn double." Eggsy promised._

_Dean said, "sure, but you do owe me." Eggsy didn't say a word as two of the guys dragged him outside and beat him up._

_The next day he saw the huge bouquet of flowers on the table and heard his mum giggling._

_Look like he had to get to casing a joint or two._

_Fuck knew how he'd bring in enough._

 

Eggsy was at the gun range with Harry, they were having a friendly competition. Harry won.

"I won't answer you know." Harry said when he was done.

"Won't answer what?" Eggsy asked a little confused.

"Who's scariest." Harry said with a smile. "I know you've been asking around a bit. And I won't answer, because there is only one correct answer and it seems several of my agents seem to not realize it."

"Really there's one proper answer?" Eggsy said. "Don't think so, think there are options."

"No, there aren't. Percival knows the correct answer, but I've already told him not to tell you."

"Why won't you say?" Eggsy asked with a pout.

"Dear boy, don't you know speak of the devil and you'll see the tip of his tail?" Harry flicked Eggsy's forehead. "Come along, Eggsy, let's go practice hand to hand."

 

_"Mum, I have a job, a place for us. Come along." Eggsy said as he stood in the Black Prince. Michelle lit up with something that she once would have understood was hope._

_Dean pulled her down._

_All the other guys froze when Eggsy said "Manners Maketh Man."_

_Dean didn't._

_Eggsy could admit he relished the look of Dean bleeding on the ground._

_He moved his mum and his sis into a small townhouse. Not too far from where Harry had lived._

 

"Bors who is the scariest Kingsman?" Eggsy asked as they ran from the burning building.

"Where's the earth shattering kaboom?" Bors asked in return.

"What?" Eggsy was choking on smoke.

"It's right here bitch!" Bors hit a button and sure enough the ground moved under their feet as the chained grenades and bombs went off in the bunkers that were below their feet.

If they were talking about most insane, well Eggsy figured he knew the answer to that easy.

 

_"Mum!" Eggsy yelled at the broken door. He tore through the small house, Merlin behind him, pulling out a gun._

_They followed the wreckage to the bedroom door which was closed. "Mum? Daisy?" Eggsy said banging on the door._

_"Eggsy?" Michelle called out, her voice was shaking._

_"Yeah Mum, it's me. And my boyfriend, I was bringing him by to meet you." Eggsy said. "No one else is here, can you let us in?"_

_"In a mo." Michelle said. They heard the scrape of furniture. Merlin put his gun away._

_Michelle's face was bloody and she was hugging her ribs tight. Daisy was on the bed, clearly having cried herself to sleep. Eggsy could see bruises on his sweet little girl's arms._

_"I thought it was the mailman, been expecting some books for Daisy. And he and his mates stormed in. He hit me a bit, kicked me when I was down. Daisy stomped on his foot. And he just picked her up and started to shake her. I hit him with that vase you gave me for my birthday. Grabbed Daisy and managed to run here. Guess quitting the cigs was a good idea of yours after all."_

_Eggsy sat on the ground, cradled his mum. "Thought I was going to be safe her."_

_"You will be Mum. You will be I promise. My boyfriend here, mental at electronics, we'll get you the best security ever. And I ain't no grass, but I'll grass on him. Tell the cops everything I know, should get him away for a long time."_

_Eventually Michelle calmed down._

_"I'm so sorry. I am happy to meet you."_

_"And I as well. I'm Lachlan." Merlin held out his hand._

 

Dean was out on bail. He got word that there was a man who had a line on a some hot goods, and was looking to deal. He went to the bench on the Thames that he was told to and there was a man waiting. He took measure of the man. Leather coat, and gloves, jeans, black boots. Bald and just staring at the water sipping from a paper coffee cup. It was pretty quiet out, this early in the morning, sky light grey. 

Dean sat beside him. "Here you have some things you want to move."

"Aye." The man said. "I have items of an interesting nature, but not great connections. I heard you might be someone to talk to."

"I am, I am. Now since I'll be helping you out, I'm expecting a decent cut." Dean said affably.

"A decent cut?" The man asked.

"It's only fair." Dean agreed.

"Aye, a decent cut is only fair." The man twisted and Dean knew something had happened, but he couldn't figure out what. He looked down and saw a thin handle, stabbing through his track jacket. "How's that for a decent cut? I leave this in, well if we got you to a hospital and ye had a very skilled surgeon, ye might make it." The man smiled and Dean pissed himself in terror. "But if I just do this -" There was the smallest twist. "Ye get to die in agony as your lung fills with blood." He pulled the blade out hard and fast and Dean began to feel the pain.

The man wiped off his blade on Dean's coat before sliding it away. He went back to staring at the water and drinking his coffee.

"Ye made my lad very upset, and in his upset he told me about you, and his history with you. He wanted ye put away, but scum like you always finds a way out. I'll not have my lad worried for his mum and sis when he needs to focus on his job. I'll not have him end up dead, because he was worried that something might happen and he wasn't there to stop it. I could have arranged you to die in prison, but I feel farming out is wrong, too many loose ends, plus, what ye have done is personal and thus deserved a personal touch in return."

Dean was crying, in agony and the man just kept sipping his coffee.

"How dare ye try to crush someone as amazing as Eggsy? But I promise you, he'll never think of ye again. Daisy will nae remember ye, you will be forgotten so very quickly. But at least it is a pretty enough view to die to." 

Merlin stayed there as Dean screamed, begged, cried, but to the few passing by, it looked like a man going through a break up or something, and his friend trying to help. 

It took Dean a while to die. 

Merlin stood and looked at the cameras in the area. His dampening seemed to have worked as none were moving.

He carried the cup with him to a garbage five blocks away.

He rolled into work exactly on time.

"Get that project you've been working on done?" Harry asked Merlin as he settled into his desk.

"Of course." Merlin smiled calmly at Harry. 

"Good." Harry said after a time. "Good."

 

_Merlin was cooking dinner, Eggsy was due over shortly. The door rang and he opened it._

_"Eggsy what's wrong?" Merlin said pulling him into the house._

_JB made a sad sound at their feet._

_Eggsy made his way to the kitchen and sat down in a chair. "Dean's dead." He looked at Merlin. "Murdered, they found him dead on a park bench."_

_Merlin turned off the oven and pulled the roast out before sitting next to Eggsy._

_"How's your mum?" He asked._

_"Shocked, numb. Saw a bit of relief in their too." Eggsy said._

_"And you?" Merlin asked._

_"Same? The cops talked to me, they don't have any leads, figure it must have been one of Dean's connections or something." Eggsy took a breath, looked at Merlin, "Though it was a precise kill, lethal, painful, difficult to do. Not exactly like the people he hangs around. They'd be a bullet or a bat to death."_

_"Well, one can never tell about a person can they?" Merlin said. "Now do you need a drink, maybe three?"_

_Eggsy closed his eyes and just breathed in and out a little. Wondered if he should ask, wondered if he wanted to hear what he guessed spoken aloud._

_He opened them and looked at Merlin, who looked the same as he ever did. Steady, sure. Merlin. He didn't need to ask._

_"Yeah a drink would be good." Eggsy agreed._

_And at least now Eggsy knew what Harry meant when he said there was only one correct answer about who was scariest._

 

 


	32. Welcome to the Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Dear overlord, we got a couple bits from JB and Q's pov so how about something from the pov of one (or more, more is always good) of Tristan's dogs? Maybe of the current situation w/ Ector?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Tristan is a scary fellow. Most of the Kingsman staff and a couple of the other agents are terrified of him. But mostly he's just a hermit who likes the quiet and his 9 dogs. They are:  
> 1\. An Irish Setter - Madeline  
> 2\. A Poodle - Hermione  
> 3\. A Schnauzer - Lemony Snicket  
> 4\. A Beagle - Percy  
> 5\. Another Beagle - Annabeth  
> 6\. A Border Collie - Gregor  
> 7\. A Greyhound - Wendy-lady  
> 8\. A very old Doberman - Bilbo  
> 9\. A German Shepherd - Neville
> 
> This will go from Liz's first visit and a few months into the future a little bit

Sir had told them they were having company and to wipe their paws. They did so but were confused. They never had company except the pretty man. But Sir's voice hadn't made it sound like it was the pretty man. They all heard the car and Bilbo as the eldest reminded them to be nice to the newcomer. The others all nodded and fell into line.

It was a girl.

There was a girl at the house.

All the dogs looked to Bilbo for what to do, he was the eldest, and the smartest of them all.

He growled just a little. Girls never stayed. They were nice at first and then they made Sir sad and left. They would be polite because that was what Sir would want, but they would not be nice. All the dogs agreed.

But when Liz pulled out homemade dog treats the newest pack member Neville immediately caved.

Bilbo sighed but understood, he was new and didn't understand girls were bad. The rest of the dogs though followed orders.

 

Only Girl came back and even spent the night. And Sir woke up whistling.

He never came out of his room whistling after girls stayed over. Near as Bilbo could tell girls didn't dog pile right and give Sir the cuddles he needed. He figured girls thought they should have the cuddles and forgot sir needed them too. But Sir still whistled all through breakfast, even giving them extra sausage snacks. The very rarely got extra snacks. They had to be extra special good for that. Like shiny light gift day, or the time they stopped the man from breaking in (they hadn't realized it was pretty man). Girl came out of the room wearing Sir's shirt and smelling like him. Percy and Annabeth crowded around her and licked her. They were silly romantics and didn't understand that Girl was going to be like the rest and make Sir sad. Bilbo and the rest would stay strong.

 

Bilbo sat there stunned as Wendy-lady and L.S. fell to Girl's bribes. She kept bringing them things. This time it was homemade toys, one for each dog, tailored to suit their play needs. Wendy-lady and L.S. were suckers for tug toys and Bilbo had to admit that they looked like good strong tugs. But still Girl was clearly trying to trick them. Being all tricky like. But Bilbo wouldn't fall for it. Others had been tricky before. Tried to be nice and then were mean. Told Sir there were too many and they had a nice friend who would take one of the cute ones. Sir always made them go away. But then he looked sad. And Bilbo had to make it better as oldest. No he wouldn't fall for Girl's tricks.

Bilbo carefully picked up the, rather nice ring toy, and carried it out to Girl's car and left it on the hood. There, Girl would know he and the few holding strong, would stay the course.

 

And then Madeline fell for Girl's charms too.

They were all worried. Kennel lady came to get them. They knew her and they all liked the estate. But that meant Sir had gone to WORK. WORK meant he might come home hurt. They didn't like that. 

And then Girl came to visit them at lunch. And threw balls, and talked to them like Sir did. In her normal voice, like she understood that they mattered. Girl even said if they were lonely a couple could come home with her each night while Sir was gone.

Madeline was the gentlest of them so she went first and alone. And came the next morning all bouncy. She had gotten to sleep ON THE BED. That was only supposed to happen on a dog's birthday. Girl clearly didn't understand the rules. Bilbo sniffed in disdain. Sir's rules mattered. But Madeline was as sunk as the others.

 

Hermione and Gregor were the only ones holding strong with Bilbo. They best remembered the sad times too, the others who tried to get rid of them. But for the moment all those concerns were put aside. Pretty man came home with Sir and Girl. Pretty man was sad and hurt, his face was all wrong, funny lines drawn on. Bilbo realized later when he heard pretty man and Sir talking, that they weren't drawn on, someone had hurt pretty man. Bilbo growled a little and Sir pet him, "Don't worry, Bilbo I took care of them for hurting our friend." Bilbo barked. He knew Sir would have, of course Sir would have. Bilbo walked over and licked pretty man's hand. The others all came over too and stood around pretty man to make him feel better. Sir always said that they were the best at taking away the WORK hurts.

Pretty man was still with them a couple days later, he looked a little less sad, but still not as happy as pretty man should be. He also couldn't walk right but wouldn't use the people stick, so all the dogs took turns helping to prop him up. He kept saying that he was different now, maybe WORK wouldn't want him any more, maybe girls wouldn't want him anymore. Who would kiss a man all marked up? Bilbo huffed. Girls were always a problem. Pretty man just kept talking in circles about this. 

Girl clearly got fed up. They all were in the family room and watched as Girl grabbed pretty man's shirt and pulled him up and started snogging him. All of them started to howl and bark. Why was Girl kissing pretty man? Bilbo barked at Sir to get him to do something but Sir was just laughing.

Girl broke away and pushed pretty man back down. "There. First kiss gone and done with. And look I'm not grossed out. Yeah your pretty pretty face got fucked up good. But you are still beautiful and valuable to the Kingsman and more importantly to us. So stop the whinging, go talk to The Boudica as much as you need to, to get your head on straight and stop worrying my man. You've been keeping him up at night, scared for his best friend. Which means you've been keeping me up at night. That is not a good idea. God save me from boys." Girl said as she sat back down and went back to her yarn.

They all watched a stunned pretty man look to Sir.

"She's a good kisser isn't she?" was all Sir said.

Pretty man nodded.

"Mine." Tristan said.

"Try that again." Girl said.

"Sorry, I mean I'm hers." Sir said.

"Jesus did you get lucky." Pretty man replied. But pretty man smiled. His first smile since he had come to stay.

Hermione went over and licked pretty man's hand and then put her head on Girl's feet.

Bilbo was happy that pretty man looked better, but he still wasn't going to trust Girl.

 

Bilbo had no idea when he lost his last line of support.

Just one day Gregor greeted Girl at the door, nudging slippers to her so she wouldn't get cold. Snow time had been here for a while.

Bilbo asked Gregor why he did that.

Sir called her Ma'am.  Gregor explained. In the room, in the bed. The door was open and she was cuddling him and he called her Ma'am. That means she stays. That's a proper title like Sir. They go together.

No. It's just a trick, Bilbo insisted. She's just a Girl.

She's Ma'am. Gregor said.

 

All the others were romping outside in the snow, but Bilbo stayed inside with Sir by the sewing machine. Bilbo liked the sound it made and he liked snow less and less. It made his legs hurt a bit. But Sir had a nice comfy bed and blanket in the comfy room. Said Eggsy made the blanket. Bilbo liked it, it looked like dog bones. The phone rang and it was Girl's ringtone. Bilbo didn't care that the others were now mad at him for not being nicer. It made him sad that Sir looked disappointed when he wouldn't play with the toys she brought. But Bilbo knew, knew he had to stay strong. That way when she was like the others and hurt Sir he was prepared to take care of him.

Sir was very quiet just yeses or noes. He hung up and looked at Bilbo.

Sir's face looked very sad. Bilbo got up and leaned against Sir. 

"She said she needs to talk about dogs." Sir said quietly. He went down to the kitchen and Bilbo followed. Sir got the kettle going and whistled for all the others to come in. He dried them off and told them to go have quiet time by the fire. Sir tried to shoo Bilbo away, but Bilbo wouldn't go. He wouldn't leave sad Sir.

Bilbo realized that this Girl could maybe get Sir to say yes.

It wasn't too long before they heard the car.

Girl came in, she didn't need to knock anymore. But Girl left her car running. She quickly toed off her boots. Everyone came running happy to see Girl but she ignored them. Of course she did, she was going to prove she was like the rest.

"Graham. I'm sorry, but we need to talk. Oh god, this is stupid, there is no way I can ask this of you." Girl looked upset. Usually they looked mean and cold when they did this talk. "Oh god, never mind, I'll go to the rspca, or the kennel at the estate. Don't know why I came here, you're so busy anyways. Wasn't thinking. Stupid, stupid, Liz. Right, I'll just go then." Bilbo was now very confused. And it was clear that Sir was too.

"Liz, what's going on? Why is your car still on?" Sir asked.

"Couldn't let it get too cold. Poor thing was already shivering." Liz said. Bilbo watched her actually clap her hands over her mouth.

"Liz?" Sir asked.

"Ummm, he just was so cold, and just in the alley crying. I couldn't. I mean, I know I should have taken him to the rspca but all I could think of was bringing him home that all of you would take the best care of the little fellow." 

Sir was smiling, his big really happy smile. "Go get him, Liz."

"Okay." Girl's voice was almost squeaky. She came back with a bundle of blanket.

"The fire has been lit." Sir said. Everyone was trying to figure out what Girl had. 

Girl sat on the ground and moved the blanket a bit and out came the whimpering puppy.

An actual puppy. Girl had rescued a puppy and brought it to Sir.

"I may have named him Hiccup." Girl said. "Did I do wrong bringing him here?"

"No, you didn't." Sir said. Sir picked up the puppy and cuddled him. Hiccup licked his chin hello. "Going to need a fair bit of training aren't you little one?" Sir said softly.

They sat on the floor, with the new puppy and all the rest around them.

Girl brought a puppy. Girl was on the floor with the rest of the pack.

Bilbo approached slowly, carefully. He gave Girl's hand a small lick. 

Girl, no Ma'am the others all were calling her Ma'am like Sir sometimes did, wrapped an arm around Bilbo.

"You'll teach him the ropes won't you?" Ma'am asked Bilbo.

Bilbo barked in agreement.

Maybe, Ma'am was different. 

Maybe, liking her was going to be okay.

 


	33. Michelle

She wasn't very clever. 

Not like Lee had been.

She didn't have that spark, that something special.

Not like what her Eggsy had. Shone out of him from day one it did.

She was pretty enough, but others were far prettier. 

But she had one thing. One bit that was hers and that no one else was as good at.

On dark days, she called it her super power.

She could believe a lie.

No one, ever, could believe in a lie as much as she did.

It wasn't that she thought it was the truth. 

Oh no, that would make it easy, make it common.

She knew it was a lie, could see it was a lie from the get go, they were all so obvious to her.

But in a blink, in a moment she could tell herself I believe this lie and from that second on she absolutely believed in that lie 100%.

Michelle discovered this power one night when Lee came home all excited.

"This is an amazing job opportunity. I'll really make a difference. Training is a bit rigorous but nothing worse than I've already done. Oh Michelle, what it means for our family if I get the job, good times ahead. I'd be gone a few months, but I'll be home by Christmas and we'll really have something to celebrate."

Why, he's lying, Michelle thought, he won't be coming home.

And she blinked and thought, no I won't think that, I'll believe him. And so she did. 

And sure enough a man dropped off a medal that went to Eggsy instead of her.

Over the next few years there were lies she was happy to believe in.

 _Mum, just happened to find this scarf. Thought you might like it_.

Her beautiful boy.

There were the lies in the dark, in the shadows.

_Oh I love you so much, I'm going to leave her I swear._

_Aren't you a pretty bird, I'll treat you right._

_Name's Dean, let me buy you a drink, you'll not regret it._

At least with that last one it took a few years for the regret to really sink in.

And she could never ever regret her beautiful Daisy. Oh but she was going to be a stunner, knew from the second she was born.

There were other lies though, ones that she was too terrified to not believe, that she had to believe, or there would be nothing left.

_Of course, Mum, swear it, these are from running with the guys. Dean didn't lay a finger on me._

_I'm so sorry darling, I swear it will never happen again._

_No Mum, the marines ain't for me, that's all._

_Come on babe, just one time, it will be sexy, try something new. Don't like it we won't do it again_.

Michelle sometimes thought that her superpower would be the death of her. And that maybe that didn't matter. The only thing that kept her going was Daisy, Daisy needed a mum, even one as crap at it as she was. Because she wouldn't check out on her girl. Not more than she already had.

 

They were sitting in the pub and Eggsy came in. And there was the spark. Not hidden, not diminished but shining bright. He was so bright, it hurt to look at. Everything that made it shine, had nothing to do with her.

_I have a job, in a tailor shop._

Lie. Blink. Believe.

 _It comes with a house_.

Sort of lie. Blink. Believe.

_Come with me, you'll be safe._

A lie he believes. Blink. I'll believe.

She stands and can't not smile at her boy, to go to him.

But Dean, but Dean.  She tells Eggsy to go. He's gotten out, he's free from everything she brought down on them, maybe, maybe she can get him to take Daisy, then the rest doesn't matter.

She watches though as he just destroys Dean and the guys.

"Tailor shop." Michelle looked at her boy.

"Of course Mum, all on the up and up like."

Such an incredible lie. Blink. Believe.

 

She and Daisy settle into the small townhouse Eggsy had for them, it's a dream really. Daisy's nightmares slowly go away, Michelle stops flinching at every creak. She looks into some job training.

"You know what I always thought you'd be great at Mum, hostess. You know, greet the people, take them to their table. Maybe at like one of those fancy tourist spots, like for high tea crap that the yanks all lap up. Bet you'd be swell at that. Mrs. Carson actually knows someone who has one of those places I could maybe make a call. They'd just love your smile. Always thought there weren't nothing better than your smile."

Michelle was confused, there wasn't a lie in there. "Okay. Maybe I could look into that."

And whenever Eggsy was covered in bruises, torn, and woke screaming, when he said it was fine, that it was nothing, and not to worry about it, she believed him and began to pray again. 

 

And then a few months later when Eggsy swore up and down that he had nothing to do with Dean's death. She believed him. 

She just honestly didn't know whether she believed him because she believed him, or because it was her superpower.

 

"Lachlan." Michelle said doubtfully.

"Yes ma'am." he replied.

She tilted her head a little. "That's not what people call you." 

"Of course it is ma'am." 

"Lie." Michelle blinked, surprised at herself. She had never ever called anyone out on a lie. Ever. It was easier to believe. Safer, better to blink and believe.

But the man sat up a little straighter, looked at her a little closer. 

"You are more than I thought."

"I'm really not." Michelle replied. "Probably less than."

"Nae. You are where he gets it from."

"Wot's that?" Michelle was curious. 

"His surprises, he's full of surprises. And he gets that from you." He took a sip of tea. "Lachlan is my given name, and what I'm called back home. But Merlin is what I'm more commonly known as."

"What do you do Merlin?" 

"I work at the tailor shop with Eggsy."

"Are you a tailor?" Michelle asked.

"Nae, I'm in IT, run the website."

"Lie." 

"Yes, but unless Eggsy gives you more, I'll not be the one to do it."

"Fair enough." Michelle looked at him. "You are old for my boy."

"Aye." Merlin agreed. "But I love him."

"Not a lie."

"Never." Merlin looked at her. "I can't say where we'll end up, but loving him - that is for always for me."

"He can take care of himself, learned to sooner than he should. But I'd be happy to know someone does take care of him."

"I can do that."

Michelle looked at her tea cup. "Did Eggsy kill Dean?"

"Nae." 

"Not a lie." They looked at each other. Michelle didn't need to ask any follow up questions.

As Merlin got ready to leave, he wrapped a scarf around his neck. 

"Eggsy made that. I always can recognize his work." Michelle touched it. The yarn was soft and the colour suited the man. "I'm a miserable cook, but you two should come for Sunday supper."

"I'll eat with relish." Merlin reassured her.

"I promise that will become a lie by the time you finish." Michelle shooed him out like she would her son, not a man a year older than her.

 

When Eggsy finally told her the truth of what he did, Michelle kissed him, and told him that she loved him and that she was so very very proud of him.

"Thanks Mum." Eggsy said, a soft smile of his face. "I love the job yeah, so great to tell you the truth."

"I'm so proud of who you are baby." Michelle said again. "But I need you to do one thing for me, just one thing."

"Anything Mum." Eggsy said, and gave her a hug.

"Lie to me. I'm happy you told me, I am, but for me to survive this, to survive when you go, I need you to lie to me." She begged.

Eggsy understood. "Of course Mum."

 

A couple weeks later Eggsy was there for dinner. "Hey, just have to go on a quick job, having a problem with a distributor on the continent. Silly salesmen, causing some confusion. Easy job, hope to get some sight seeing in. Maybe even find some nice souvenir yarn. Only a couple weeks at most. Easy as can be." Eggsy said with a grin. He tickled Daisy and carried her off to the living room to watch a movie.

Lie.

Blink.

Believe.


	34. Project 9 Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy and Sarah talk about their relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit in the past say a few months before the start of A Knight's Guide.

Roxy loved to watch Sarah put on make up. Roxy had never bothered with more than the basics, but for Sarah it was an art form. Her hair was fairly tame right now, the natural black, with a few streaks of green hidden underneath, a special treat just for Roxy. Roxy stared in awe as she put on false lashes and nailed them on the first try.

Roxy was just praying that she didn't ladder her pantyhose before the night was over. "So how many people at this work thing?" She asked as Sarah applied eyeliner.

"The whole law firm, spouses, significant others. No casual dates."

Roxy smiled, "I'm significant?"

"Very." Sarah said with a grin. "Now zip up my dress there." Roxy moved over and zipped Sarah up, kissing her nape at the end. 

"Pretty girl." Roxy said quietly. "Sure we can't stay home, have some fun?"

"No, Roxy." Sarah got up and went to find her shoes. "I want to show you off, first time I've brought anyone to one of these."

Roxy flushed with pleasure as they headed out. They were sitting in the back of the Kingsman car when Sarah asked. "What do we tell them about you?"

"What do you mean babe?" Roxy asked.

"I've kept you vague, but we can't tell what you do, even how we met." Sarah looked a little sad.

"Sarah." Roxy touched Sarah's neck.

"It's fine, I mean I understand, but there will be questions."

"I work in marketing for Kingsman tailors, and we met via Eggsy. You could even say he hooked us up." Roxy said.

Sarah laughed a little. "I suppose that's true isn't it?" The car slowed. "Here we are." 

Roxy had grown up at formal events, they were nothing to her, an easy performance. She worked the crowd easily impressing Sarah's coworkers, making polite talk with other significant others. And most of all got to see Sarah own the room. 

She knew her girlfriend was beautiful, she had put herself through university by being model, and she knew her girlfriend was talented, the knit shawl on her shoulders was testament to that. And she knew her girlfriend was smart, you didn't get to be the top paralegal for a top law firm if you weren't quick and clever.

But perhaps she hadn't realized how smart Sarah was. Roxy stood beside her and heard her greet people in at least five languages. The lawyers were coming up to her asking random and obscure questions about law, and football, and poetry and 9 times out of 10 Sarah had an answer. At one point Sarah was dragged off to settle a debate of a point of law from the 17th Century.

Roxy went over to the bar and got a glass of champagne. She sipped it by herself and made sure to snap a few photos of Sarah and sent them to Eggsy, just to brag about how hot her girl was. An older man came over.

"You must be Miss Morton."

"Yes sir." Roxy held out her hand.

"Charles Southerland."

"Charmed." Roxy said, as she realized that she was talking to the head of the law firm.

"This is your first time at one of these events isn't it?" He asked as he got a refill of her glass.

"Yes sir, I'm having a splendid time."

"No you aren't, these are frightfully dull." He replied easily.

Roxy snorted a little. "I enjoy watching Sarah shine."

"Now that I could believe. We are all aware how special she is. The firm would fall apart without her." He looked around the room. "That hasn't stopped several people from trying to encourage her to go to law school."

"I didn't know that." Roxy said. Sarah was weeding her way through the crowd, a smile on her face once she spied Roxy.

"Indeed. Offered letters of recommendation, to pay for it. If she went she could be a partner within a dozen years at the outside. But she just turns them down, saying she already has too little time for yarn and has other life plans that matter more. No one can get her to talk about those plans though, and they've only been brought up as an excuse ever since your photo showed up on her desk." The man smiled at Sarah. "My dear, been having a delightful talk with your Miss Morton. Make sure you have a chance to dance with her before the night is out." With a pat on Sarah's shoulder he left.

"Not a bad sort." Roxy said.

"No, not a bad sort at all." Sarah was going to say more but looked over to the door. "Oh dear."

Roxy tensed, ready to reach for a weapon, when the sound of a baby crying reached her. "I thought this was adult only."

"It is, but Janine's husband travels a lot and must have not made it back in time. She's trying to make junior partner and couldn't skip the event." Sarah started to walk swiftly through the crowd. "Janine. Here. I've done my rounds, go mingle for an hour." Sarah took the baby out of the woman's hands. "James is three drinks in, beware his hands and talk about the Gunners chances. Charles is in a kind mood, apologize for the baby and then ask him about the Dresden case. Grace is pissed at Craig, call him an asshole and you'll be in."

Janine looked ready to weep. "Sarah, thank you."

"Go, before too much of a fuss can be raised." Sarah quickly moved out of the room and down the hall with the baby and bag; Roxy followed in her wake.

"Why are you helping her like that?" Roxy asked.

"She's worked her way up from nothing and has a lot of potential. And frankly a couple of the others up for promotion as dicks to office staff. She never is, remembers birthdays, gives you a box of tea if you have a cough. I like her, so a little help, and well everyone gets a leg up."

"I think if you just said you wanted her to get the promotion it would be hers." Roxy watched as Sarah handled the baby with ease. "They seem to rely on you a lot. You were incredible in there." 

Sarah laughed and shook her head. Roxy saw that bit of green hair fly. "Nah, just have a good memory is all."

"How good a memory?" Roxy asked.

Sarah just shrugged. "Pretty good." Sarah looked down. "But nothing as pretty as you." She said to the baby. The wee one grabbed for Sarah's earrings and Sarah just laughed even though the tug had to hurt. "See if there is a two or two in the bag will you?"

Roxy found a little bear and made it dance for the baby.

"He said they want to send you to law school."

Sarah groaned. "I know, but I'm happy. Besides do you know how much work that is, how much yarn time I would give up. Too focused, I like how I have my fingers in lots of little different pies."

"Also you have other life plans." Roxy repeated what the man had said. "Do I get to know what those life plans are?"

Sarah looked at the baby and kissed the chubby cheek. "One day." Sarah said.

Roxy just watched Sarah with the baby, how wonderful she was, and how when the baby spit up on the 2000 pound dress, Sarah didn't give a damn.

On the drive home Roxy was very quiet. Once they were tucked into bed Roxy touched Sarah's cheek, dragged her finger across Sarah's pretty bow lips. "Kingsman don't really have babies."

Sarah closed her eyes. "Oh."

"We are gone so much, and we're likely to leave the ones we love way too soon. You couldn't even tell a child why you were really away. A few men have had children in the past, but then they never had to be that involved in their child's life. There was public school, and wives, and nannies. Of the current table, Lamorak and Kay I think have kids, but I'm not certain." Roxy smiled. "Tradition says Kingsman should have few ties if at all possible."

Sarah nodded but didn't say a word. Roxy kissed her hard.

"But fuck tradition. Eggsy and I have been breaking that since we walked in the door. Eggsy has Merlin and that shouldn't be allowed. And Harry should have never let all of you in and he did." Roxy put a hand on Sarah's flat stomach. "I want a life with you, a future with you. I might not be able to be around as much as we want, and I might not come home one day, but when I can be there I'll give you everything I can, all I can. I want a baby with you. I want to watch you get big and feel kicks and I want to never sleep again. I want to teach them the alphabet and slay their dragons, watch you knit baby clothes and blankets. I want as close to normal as we can get. I want a family with you Sarah." Roxy paused. "If that is what perhaps you want."

Sarah sniffled back a few tears. "One day."

"Huh?" Roxy was confused.

"Said I would tell you about those other life plans one day." Sarah smiled. "Guess it might be one day."

They talked long into the night about one day.


	35. Tristan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: catreia said to knitter-eggsy-universe:  
> I will say, I would love to see this scene actually play out in a chapter. That and the aftermath, reassuring people. XD
> 
> This is referring to Tristan's past and how it cropped up in the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: abuse, bad bdsm practice, and some sex (the sex itself is both negative and positive). this is an intense chapter with dark bits but does contain a supportive and happy ending.
> 
> This story takes place in 'present day'.
> 
> Longer chapter and it doesn't quite fulfill the prompt, but I think this will satisfy, none the less.

Michelle loved Tuesdays. It was her afternoon off from the tea shop and Eggsy if he was around took his sister out to the park or a museum and for cookies and fairy cakes that she was supposed to pretend she didn't know about. That was her favourite lie to believe.

Sometimes she cleaned, and sometimes she did her nails. Today she was planning to just sit with a nice cuppa and a stack of fashion magazines that had piled up. Maybe put on some Sam Smith. When there was a knock she wondered who it was, way too early for Eggsy, not that he ever knocked.

Michelle opened the door wide with a grin. "Hiya!" She immediately pulled it a little more closed, hand hovering over the panic button that Eggsy had installed after Dean's visit. She knew who it would call, even if they never talked about it.

The large man nodded. There wasn't a hint of smile on his face. He might have been attractive if he wasn't so completely terrifying. "I'm not sure you have the right house." Michelle said, she tried to make her voice firm.

"I do." he said. "I am Tristan. Galahad sent me."

"Wot?" Michelle was lost.

The man closed his eyes, his shoulders relaxed a little. "I'm Graham, Eggsy asked me to visit while he had Daisy seeing dinosaurs."

"Not going to let you in, just because you know my son's name." Michelle protested.

And finally there was a smile on the man's face. "A wise policy." He held out a card that had the Kingsman insignia. "I can wait here, if you want to call Merlin. Confirm who I am."

Michelle slammed and locked the door in his face. 15 minutes later she opened the door again. "I'm sorry, I just -"

"You have lived a life that suggests to err on the side of caution." His voice was deep melodic. "It is reasonable. If it helps I'm Liz's."

"Oh." Michelle paused and looked him up and down. "You are the sweet guy, the cutie pie?" Michelle snorted a little. Liz's descriptions didn't exactly match up with the solemn man on her step. "Well come on in, have some tea."

They settled in the kitchen, and just sipped their tea in silence. 

"Not to be rude, but why did Eggsy send you? Does our security need an upgrade?"

"No, that is not my job. He thought you and I might have some things in common, and wanted me to speak to you." Tristan took another sip of tea and then took off his suit jacket.

"Oh really? And what would you and I have in common then? You grow up on an estate, you a widow, you make bad dating choices?" Michelle knew her voice was harsh, but couldn't understand why Eggsy would send this man. 

She watched as he rolled the cuffs of his shirt just a little. He ran a finger over his wrist. Michelle looked at the scars around his wrists.

"Her name was Tara." Tristan said.

Michelle just looked at the scars.

"She called me her pet. The first time Liz tried out that nick name I threw up on her." He continued. "She told me that no one else would want me, that I was defective, and who would ever believe that a woman half my size could hurt me? And I thought she loved me, that I loved her. And I said no and she didn't listen. And for a time I stopped saying no. Eggsy thought that might be familiar to you."

Michelle swallowed and nodded. They both sipped some more tea.

************************

_Tristan walked into the club. He had filled out an online form and it had taken weeks to get membership but it had come through. He thought maybe he would finally get what he needed. He had tried for a regular girlfriend, but his job, his quiet, the dogs, something drove them away fast. And if that didn't, his desires in the bedroom had them calling him freak and they were gone._

_A dom though, a proper dom, maybe that would work, or at least give him the release he was hunting for._

_He was set up in a room. Naked kneeling. He looked at the floor. Saw very high heels and pale, pale skin. "Call me Mistress." A crop brushed his face. He tried to follow its touch._

_Weeks he went and it was always the same. Mistress. They started to talk more after when she took care of him. Eventually he learned her name was Tara. They had a date for coffee._

_And it was good. He had a girlfriend and a dom. Finally. And maybe she was just a little critical but she wasn't wrong when she suggested he wear blue instead of red. That maybe he reread Harry Potter too much. Such small things until he needed her opinion before he walked out the door even on days she didn’t spend the night._

_The first time she ignored his slow down safe word he was angry but during the after when she soothed and said "Oh pet I am making you stronger, better. You know you need work as a sub that is why you have me."_

_All he said was thank you._

*************************

Michelle looked at the man in front of her. "You? You're a..." She wasn't quite sure what the word was.

"A sub." He said simply. "You have an idea what I do for a living. When I am not at work, I prefer quiet, my gardens and my dogs. And I like to serve. I want to in the quiet, in the dark, have a woman who can tell me what to do and have me obey. I want to exist for her pleasure and be punished when I am or do wrong. But I am not someone who wants that 24/7. And that is what Tara was trying to make me."

Tristan looked at his empty cup. "She stopped calling me by my name, even out during the day. Pet, it was always just Pet. I don't...I serve one woman, but she shared me with a couple friends. Punishments grew harsher for smaller infractions. She reminded me that no one had ever put up with me before, that I should be grateful that she dealt with my work taking me away so much. How kind she was to put up with that, and the dogs. How everything she was doing was to make me better."

"You start to forget before, when it was good, or your definition of good shifts. A day without a smack is good, you did well." Michelle said quietly. "You become so grateful for that one kind word, that one gesture that reminds you of before, that maybe it can be like that again."

"Yes." Tristan replied. "And then when it is bad. When it is bad, you just endure."

*************

_Tara was fucking him into the mattress. Calling him names. Hurting him. "Expelliarmus." He said. His hard safe word._

_"No." She just said. She kept going._

_He tried to buck her off his back, and said the word again. "No. Bad pet." She said and lay the crop hard against his back. "This will give me pleasure. Why are you being a naughty pet? I am so disappointed." Another hit. He lay still._

_When she had him sleep on the floor and stepped on him, he didn't say anything._

_In the morning he asked her to leave. She apologized profusely, said she had wanted to try something new and it made her feel so good, made her so proud of her pet. She finally gave the after care he needed and he felt better._

_She stayed._

_The next time she ignored his safe word there was no apology. And he did nothing._

_3 more months of him doing nothing, of him being belittled and made small and hurt._

_And then she had him on the ground, hands and ankles bound, muscles straining, mouth gagged. She brought out a collar._

_"Now Pet, I think we need to make this more permanent, let the world see you are mine. I don't like how much you go away, so this will remind you where you belong." He realized there was a lock, she meant to have him always locked up. He shook his head no. He couldn't, something like that would affect the job._

_"Pet, don't disappoint me." Tara said and gave him a smack._

_He shook his head no again. This couldn't affect the job, it was the only piece of him she didn't touch._

_"Bad Pet." She hit him with the crop across his shoulders._

_He struggled and pushed for the safety releases on the restraints. Only they weren't there._

_"Silly Pet, I changed them out. Releases aren't for men like you. Are you that weak? Need to be free of little old me?" Tara sneered and hit him again. "Bad Pet."_

_Tristan growled a little and fought all the restraints even harder._

_"I guess you need a stronger lesson." Tara said. He had no idea what she hit him with, but he soon just saw black._

**********************

"What did she do?" Michelle asked, biting a finger nail.

"I came to in my wardrobe my dogs barking. Only there weren't enough barks. I broke my thumb trying to get free, tore the skin up around the cuffs. I am sure she was going to come back but she could have also left me to die in there. But a coworker was coming by to discuss a work trip. He found me, freed me, and I realized she had taken half the dogs away." Tristan laughed. "I had never seen my friend so furious. He drove me to medical and disappeared. The next day he had my dogs back and asked if I was ready to give a damn about myself again."

"Were you?" 

"No, not even a little bit. But for all I would allow to happen to me, you don't touch my dogs. I filed a complaint with the establishment where I met her, I changed my locks, changed my number. Ector forced me into a little counseling. But whatever he did or said, I didn't see her again." Tristan got up to make them more tea. He needed to feel useful.

"Did he...um..."

"No, he didn't kill her." Tristan replied. He set the the tea to steep.

"But you are with Liz now. How did you manage to trust again? How did you know she would be different?"

"I didn't." Tristan poured out some more tea. "I was just tired of being alone. And have you seen her? She's gorgeous and clever and talented and -"

"And you are gushing." Michelle smiled.

**************************

_"Hi I'm Liz, I think I'll be working here soon. Maybe? Probably?" She smiled and pushed her glasses back up. "Merlin is a little cagey, if you didn't know."_

_Tristan nodded and kept on his way._

_"Well nice to meet you!" She called after him, laughing. The laugh didn't stay with him._

_And he certainly didn't notice how Pilar had taken Liz under her wing. And how well she fit in at the estate._

_He certainly didn't offer quiet advice when she was gaining gun certification. And didn't notice her smile._

_And he wasn't impressed when someone interrupted her work and she tore him a new one without ever raising her voice._

_And he certainly wasn't jealous when Ector started flirting with her. Beautiful, charming, not broken Ector._

_But she ignored him._

_And Ector sent a text to Tristan saying get your ass in gear before you lose your chance._

_Tristan brought a book and sat across and over from Liz where she was eating lunch and crocheting. He didn't say a word. But it was nice._

_He was there for the rest of the week. She made him things, he brought her back yarn from missions. And it seemed they were dating._

**********************

"How did you cope with the bedroom? And is Liz, you know?" Michelle whispered. It felt so weird to talk normally about this sort of thing.

"I found out...through third party means, that Liz had tastes that matched up with mine." Tristan finally said.

"You read it on the blog that I'm not supposed to know about." Michelle looked at him. "Might have been a crap mum for a long time, but still a mum, we know things."

"Eggsy would be horrified."

"I know, saving it for when he's really annoying." Michelle laughed. "So did you and Liz talk, and what happened?" 

***********************

_"Expelliarmus." Tristan said, when Liz held up the cuffs. All he could think of was waking up in the closet. And now at best Liz would leave, at worst hurt him. He waited for the blow._

_A glass pressed against his lips. He opened his mouth and juice slid in. He swallowed and opened his eyes. Liz was in front of him, cuffs nowhere in sight. She was smiling._

_"Okay, no hard restraints. It's okay, they are gone. You should have told me." Liz hugged him, kissed him, gave him a little more juice. "Let's get into bed, shall we Pet?"  And Tristan was still lost a bit in the past and couldn't stop the gag, watched as the bile landed on Liz. He couldn't help but weep._

_But Liz didn't move. "Graham. Graham stay with me. It's alright, something's going on and we'll figure it out. But right now you and I are going to shower. I need you to stand, because I can't pick you up. Can you do that for me? Stand, now Graham." Liz's voice was firm._

_Tristan stood and walked to the bathroom. Liz got them both cleaned up, and into pajamas. She tucked Tristan in and then did something no other woman had ever done._

_She was the big spoon._

_Liz just held him and praised him, called him amazing and wonderful and everything she could want in her sub._

_"I need to tell you about Tara." Tristan said. He kept facing the wall as he told the story and waited for her to let go, to walk away in disgust that he let that happen to himself. For her to laugh that someone so much smaller than him, could hurt him like that._

_Instead she just held him tighter and offered more praise._

_*********************_

Michelle looked at him. "Not quite the end is it?"

"No. Not quite. Tara was 2 years ago. And I hadn't run into her since." Tristan smiled and Michelle knew that look. She had it on her face when Eggsy had pulled her out of the Black Prince.

"Liz met her and it didn't go well did it?" Michelle asked.

"On the contrary, it went beautifully." 

**********************

_"What are you thinking of? I'm leaning towards the quiche." Liz said reading the brunch menu._

_"You order for me." Tristan said, happy just to look at Liz._

_"Are you sure Graham?" Liz raised a brow. He had been slowly been giving her more control over their lives. "You said you didn't want 24/7."_

_"I don't, but today I'm feeling..." He just shrugged._

_"I think we get the tasting menu, split a bunch of stuff then." Liz decided putting the menu down. She poured him some juice from the pitcher on the table. "Thank you again for surviving my family at Christmas. I know they are loud. You did so well. I am so proud of you." Liz said._

_"Tristan?" They both turned at the soft call._

_Liz watched as Tristan tensed and almost reached for a weapon. She looked at the small woman, pale, long hair, beautiful._

_"Tara this is my girlfriend Liz. Liz this is Tara."_

_Tara held out her hand and Liz ignored her. She continued to talk to Tristan like the other woman wasn't there. Tristan saw the anger that flashed in Tara's eyes and he couldn’t stop the flinch. Liz brushed her foot against his, anchoring him._

_Tristan froze though when he felt Tara touch the back of his neck. "Pet I've missed you so, I had just started to have you properly trained and then we were over."_

_Tristan looked at Liz. This, he didn't know what to do. All he wanted was an escape._

_"Hand off my boyfriend. Walk away and forget you ever knew Graham."_

_Tara took her hand off slowly let her fingers linger. Tristan shuddered in revulsion. "Oh Pet, so weak you need a guard dog now?"_

_Liz looked to the waiter serving the table behind where Tara stood. "Waiter, you might want to move." Liz stood. The waiter moved his set up, thinking she had to pass to go to the washroom._

_"HOLY SHIT!" The waiter yelled as Liz slammed her palm into Tara's nose, breaking it. Tara fell to the ground screaming and Liz started doing her best to kick the woman's ribs in. She got a fair bit in, in the minute it took for Tristan to react and pull her away. Liz was swearing, screaming in a few languages and kept trying to break free to do more damage._

_"Expelliarmus." Tristan said in her ear and she immediately quieted._

_"Graham, are you okay? Shh, baby, promise she won't touch you again. It's alright darling, I've got you, you're safe." Liz was babbling, touching Tristan making sure he was alright. She was still fussing over Graham when she was arrested and taken to the station._

_And after Ector used his contacts to get Liz out, he built a shrine for her. Tristan couldn't object to that idea. Liz deserved worship._

_********************_

"The next day, she showed up and the tailor shop and tried to, I don't know cause trouble or get us fired or something. I don't know." Tristan looked at Michelle. "But Merlin and Harry shut that down. Harry just destroyed her, explained what would happen if she ever came near Liz or myself, not the least of which would be me filing formal charges against her. And basically threatened to kill and eat her, Hannibal style. Which is funny because he would never eat meat as rare as Hannibal would deem proper temperature." Tristan looked at Michelle. "I was sure if the whole office knew I would be fired, or mocked. But there was only support and more support."

"I survived." he continued. "I've had a few bad days since seeing her again, but I'll get past those."

"That's great, but still not sure why you are here, not really." Michelle looked at him. 

"Because Eggsy thought you needed to talk to someone who understood. Who could tell you, it wasn't your fault. Who could tell you, you don't have to hide or punish yourself. Who could tell you, it's okay to want to be happy, to actually be happy." Tristan looked at Michelle. He stood and put his jacket on. "But perhaps he was wrong. I apologize for intruding on your day off." Tristan tilted his head.

"A guy asked me out and I had a panic attack." Michelle said.

Tristan just looked at her. Waited.

"Maybe, I could have your number, text you sometime?" Michelle smiled. "Just, you know, when..."

"When their voice won't leave your head?"

"Yeah." Michelle said. "Does it go away?"

"I don't know, but I hear it less and less." Tristan gave her the card he had shown her at the door, and it had his private number on the back.

"Thank you." Michelle said.

"You have a good son." Tristan replied. "He just wants you well and happy."

"He always worries over everyone around him. Bet he sent you to help you as well."

Tristan thought about it, it was a fair assessment. He let himself out.

********************************

_Tristan was kneeling by the fire. Liz loved his skin by the light of it. He was nude, she was in pajamas, the dogs all tucked away. He snuggled into her leg. He loved this quiet time with her._

_"I have a gift for you." Liz said quietly. "But you can be honest with me, and if it is too much, I want you to say so. It's an order, darling, if it is too much you tell me." Liz's voice was firm._

_"Yes ma'am." Tristan said. He looked up at her and saw a box in her hand._

_"I have never asked you to wear a collar. In part because of her, and in part, because I don't need that to know you are mine. I know you are mine." Liz said. "But I thought maybe, maybe you would like this."_

_Tristan opened the box and saw the cuff. It was simple, a dark leather, the closure the Deathly Hallows symbol._

_"You don't have to wear it all the time, or when you go away. But if you do, it does have a tracker and a sleeping dart in it." He picked it up to look closer and noticed something else in the box, far thinner, but clearly a match._

_He pulled it out as well. "Ma'am?"_

_"As much as you are mine, my beautiful Graham, I am just as much yours. If you would like." Liz shrugged. "Exclusively. No one touches you, but me. Period. I don't touch anyone but you. Period. For as long as I suit your needs."_

_Tristan carefully took the smaller one out of the box. It was a lot wider than was necessary for her wrist. And then he clued in. If it was a symbol of them, their relationship, it wouldn't be on her wrist. It'd be where he could regularly touch it, where he could ground himself to her. Tristan carefully put it in place around her ankle. He held out the cuff to her. "Ma'am please."_

_Liz kissed his wrist. "My Graham. Mine." Liz wrapped the cuff around his wrist, snapped the closure. He sighed in pleasure at the sound._

_"Tonight if you like we could just be Graham and Liz." She offered quietly. She stood and held out a hand._

_Tristan shook his head, looked down at her ankle, the leather looked so pretty there. "No ma'am. Tonight I need...I want you to..." He took a deep breath. "Could you bind me tonight ma'am?"_

_"Of course. Go get on the bed, while I take care of the fire." Liz helped him stand, kissed his jaw. "I'm going to make you feel so good."_

_"I know you will." Tristan agreed. "I love you ma'am."_

_She didn't say anything, just kissed him again, and pushed him towards the bedroom. But he didn't need her to say the words, they were there, in that strip around her ankle._

_But after, when they were drifting off, exhausted, as she was wrapped around him, always the big spoon for him, she said them then._


	36. A Not So Serious Serious Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: could we know about Eggsy and Merlin's first kiss.  
> Well this meanders a lot, but this prompt was the impetuous for this. And I thought we could all use some super fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in the future - Daisy is 12.

Eggsy collapsed onto the couch, put a hand to his heart. He was too damn young for a heart attack. "Mum?" His voice was small.

"Oh Eggsy it's not that big a deal." Michelle chided. "You don't need to be so dramatic."

"What do you mean Daisy has a boy over?" Eggsy was close to hyperventilating. "She's 12."

"Oh and you never had a crush when you were 12?" Michelle was trying not to laugh but he was making it hard. "They are playing video games and earlier the boy held Daisy's hand while they did algebra together. He's in the accelerated program with her. His name is Jimmy."

"I don't care about his name. Oh wait, I do, so I can look him up." Eggsy said.

"No, you won't, he is a nice boy and next month maybe she'll like someone else."

"Mum. Have you had a talk with her about you know." Eggsy's voice dropped to a whisper.

"No I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Michelle was dying.

"You know." Eggsy hissed.

"Of course we've talked about puberty and her changing body. She hasn't started her period yet."

"God, don't tell me things like that." Eggsy shuddered. "Sex. Have you talked about sex with her."

"I've told her I'm here if she has any questions." Michelle said simply. "I know the school had sex ed coverage."

Eggsy thought about what that had meant when he was in school. He knew he had Daisy in a better place but still. He needed to make sure that his girl was safe and smart. He could handle this. He could. He had to go throw up.

 

Two weeks later Daisy was over for her regular night sleepover. Merlin had been informed of what Eggsy intended to do and decided he had a lot of work at the office. He and Q promised to be back around 10. And it was nice just to have time with Daisy. She was getting so big, so tall, and so beautiful. Eggsy wondered if the ache he felt in his chest was what parents felt. It hurt to see his girl grow up.

They went out for dinner and and then took JB for a walk. 

Eggsy settled Daisy into the living room with the promise of a movie and he went and got a box. 

"Right, Dais. Movie in a couple minutes, want to talk to you first."

Daisy rolled her eyes. "Mum said you are freaking out about Jimmy. Well you don't have to, he's stupid, said girls can't kick ass."

Eggsy smiled a little at that. "That's great, never like a boy who says things like that. Know your value."

"You've been watching Agent Carter reruns again."

"Yeah well she's awesome." Eggsy said. "And don't try to sideline me." He took a breath. "Sex."

"No. No no no no no." Daisy shook her head. "My gay brother is not giving me a sex talk."

"Bisexual Daisy." Eggsy's voice was soft but firm. "Just because you've only seen me with Merlin, don't mean I ever stopped finding girls attractive."

"Oh yeah, when was the last time you slept with one?"

"8 months ago."

Daisy's jaw dropped. "You cheated on Merlin? I'll kill you!" She snarled and got up from the couch. She was a bullet.

Eggsy blocked it easily. "Daisy, Dais, calm. Calm, the job. Don't like it, but sometimes, very rarely for the job I have to sleep with a mark."

"And you are okay with that? He's okay with that?" Daisy gave him another kick.

"No, but it happens and we deal and he's in my ear the whole time, never leaves me." Eggsy held her. "Sex is complicated Daisy, even when it is easy."

"I have sex ed at school." She said. Eggsy let her go and she went back to the other couch. She wrapped an Eggsy blanket around her shoulders. "I know all the basics."

"Really." Eggsy said. "Watched a few videos that were probably from the nineties? Had a teacher talk about your cycle and body changes and I bet some lovely underlying boys can't help themselves bullshit."

"Yeah. Yeah that is about what happened." Daisy looked at him. "Mum said I could ask her anything."

"And you should, there are things I can't answer not having girl bits."

"I've walked in on her and -"

"No. No Mum doesn't have sex." Eggsy said.

"Yes she does. She's a little loud sometimes." Daisy's cheeks were red. "He and I can't look at each other at breakfast some mornings."

"You mean Mum's gentleman lodger who lives in a separate room and never ever touches her?" Eggsy said stubbornly.

Daisy giggled. "They've been married three years, Eggsy. And you know you like him, you work with him."

"I know nothing." Eggsy replied with a wink. "And again, no derailing. Sex talk now."

"You okay? You look like you want to throw up." Daisy said.

Eggsy nodded. The first thing he pulled out of the box was a bottle of whiskey. He took a shot for fortitude.

The next thing he pulled out were some things he had made.

"Did you knit a uterus with fallopian tubes?" Daisy looked in shock.

"Yup. And it gets worse." Eggsy took another shot and pulled out a knitted vaginal opening and a knit penis with balls.

"OH MY GOD!!!!" Daisy shrieked and covered her eyes.

"Do not ever google these patterns you will find things that you never ever want to see." A third shot of whiskey. 

Daisy peeked through her fingers. "What if I decide I like girls?"

Eggsy pulled out a second vagina. "Pretend the dick is a strap on."

Daisy paled. "Can I have a shot of whiskey?"

"No." But Eggsy pulled out a plate of cookies. And a box of condoms. Daisy snatched up two cookies and tried to ignore everything on the table.

"Let's get going." Eggsy said. He would not be a damn cliche. His Daisy was important enough that he was going to get this right, no matter how nervous he was.

An hour he talked, occasionally referring to the notes he had. He had done a little research on women's bodies.

"Did you know popping cherry is bullshit?" Eggsy asked. "That stuff not supposed to work like that."

"Really?" Daisy asked. She crept closer.

"Yeah, here look." And Eggsy showed her a youtube video he had found. They were both a little sweaty and shaky but surviving it.

"Now here is every bullshit line a teen asshole might try on you." Eggsy rattled them off. "Your response is to dump their ass and maybe hand it to them. Which tomorrow morning you start self defense with me and Merlin."

Daisy laughed a little. "So is now when you say no sex ever?"

"Nope."

"Really? No my little girl will be married years before she knows the touch of man?"

"Thought you said it might be a girl?"

Daisy shrugged. "I don't know. Mostly I think boys are cute, but sometimes there is a pretty girl. What does that make me?" She asked quietly.

"It makes you Daisy. You are 12, you don't need labels, you just figure out you at your own pace. You might just think a girl is pretty without wanting more and maybe one day you'll want more. You got time honey." Eggsy took a breath. "Not going to tell you not to have sex, not if you are going to want it. I will tell you not to have it before you are ready. Not one second before that. If that is at 16 fine, if that is 30 fine. If you want to have sex with lots of people fine, if you just want it with one person, fine. But you play safe, you play smart. You never be afraid to tell them what you need in bed. Equal partners, always Daisy. If they say you are killing the mood, walk away. If they don't listen, walk away."

Eggsy ate a cookie. "This is the chance where you can ask me anything. I will answer as best as I can."

"How old were you, first time." Daisy stared at a wall.

"16." Eggsy said. 

"Were you ready?"

"No." Eggsy shrugged. "It ended up not good. We both said we wanted it, seemed all our friends were, but she and I, just...nah weren't ready, not really." Eggsy smiled a little dopey. "My first kiss with your Uncle Lachlan packed more punch than that first bout of sex."

"Yeah?" At this Daisy perked up a little.

"Yeah." Eggsy smiled. "It was our second date. First got interrupted with a mission. We had just gone to a pub, nothing crazy or fun or unique, but we played darts and drank and ate chips and as we walked out, he wrapped his arm around my neck and pulled me in. Kissed my forehead, laughing about something that I had said, don't even remember what. And we just sort of paused and he turned me a little and kissed me. Tasted like beer and vinegar from the chips. Guys yelled at us for blocking the door. And it was over."

"That's pretty cool." Daisy said. She nibbled at a cookie. "So I can really ask anything?"

"Go for it. While I'm answering we'll practice condoms."

"On a knit dick."

"Yup. Figured if I used a cucumber or banana might turn you off some foods."

"Okay." Daisy said. They opened the pack of condoms. "So anal sex." She said it mostly to freak Eggsy out.

Eggsy took another shot of whiskey and then freaked Daisy out by answering her question honestly.

A couple of hours later Merlin walked quietly, nervously into the house. He peered around corners and found his husband and Daisy watching a movie, the coffee table covered in the things Eggsy had made and a bunch of condom wrappers. He sighed. They looked over at the noise. 

Merlin smiled at how wrecked his husband was. He walked over and bent down to give him a kiss. "Okay?" He asked.

"Yeah."

Q was being hugged by Daisy. Merlin looked over at them. He paled as Daisy looked him up and down and giggled. He turned his head sharply and looked at Eggsy.

"We had question period. I couldn't not answer them, not if it would help her make informed decisions about her future and her body." Eggsy said. "She had a lot of questions."

"I still have a few more actually, if Uncle Lachlan wants to get in on this." Daisy offered.

Merlin had always believed in strategic retreat. He had no problems running away. Eggsy yelled "Coward!" after him. Merlin was fine with being a coward on this.

Eggsy and Daisy went back to watching the movie.

"Thanks Eggsy." Daisy said not looking away from the screen.

"Anything for you." Eggsy said simply.

"Can you kill my math teacher?" 

"Sure. I'll get right on that." Eggsy agreed.

"Best brother ever." 

"Damn straight." Eggsy looked over. "Stop hugging the uterus, it's weird."

"But it's so cuddly." Daisy hugged it tighter. "See it's all cute." She made it dance a little.

Eggsy closed his eyes, prayed he never had to do something this hard ever again.


	37. It's so Fluffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:
> 
> Anonymous said to knitter-eggsy-universe:  
> Can we get a chapter of Eggsy and Merlin mushy fluff?
> 
> fandomrulesmylife said to knitter-eggsy-universe:  
> Can I prompt a fluffy piece with Merlin showing how much he loves Eggsy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set a bit in the past, after eggsy and merlin were married, shortly after the coma eggsy was in.

Eggsy was going to pee himself, he was sure of it. He had to put his yarn down and found himself laughing so hard, he actually fell to the floor. He didn't care, just stayed there giggling.

"It's true, I swear. I looked that man in the eye and said Sir, you might write a decent song, but you have no manners, are in fact quite disappointing a human being. Now go shave already." Doris said sternly, before laughing.

"John Lennon, you said that to John Lennon." Eggsy said from the floor. Sarah started using him as a foot rest.

"Of course I did, never was that into the Beatles actually. Prefer the Stones, they were always honest about who they were. Plus Mick was better in bed." Doris said with a wink.

Eggsy didn't know whether to laugh more or be horrified. He went with more laughing. Liz and Mrs. Carson were bickering about gauge and Mrs Blackwell just sat there shaking her head. Eggsy finally managed to get himself back into his chair.

"Love Sunday mornings." he said dipping a biscuit into his tea.

"And we're happy to have you back." Mrs Carson said. "No more comas, do you hear me? Not allowed to scare us old ladies like that. You come back from your missions better than that, or no more yarn discount."

"Yes ma'am." Eggsy said. He was appreciative of finally being cleared for active duty again, and back to his normal life, and he would do his best to follow orders.

They gossiped and knit for another hour, teased Liz a little for burning through another guy.

"Hey I meet someone that can keep up with me, I'll never let go, just haven't found the creature yet." Liz said.

"Meanwhile, Sarah, how many dates with Roxy has it been now?" Doris asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"A few." Sarah hedged, blushing and staring at her yarn.

"Enough that we should be having a talk with your young lady?" Mrs Blackwell asked.

"No, you don't scare her away. I like her!" Sarah said.

"OOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!" The whole gang said. 

"Oh shut it." Sarah said.

30 minutes later Eggsy packed his yarn into his messenger bag. "Right, ladies I'm off. Been awesome. Still in town this week, so Liz and Sarah Thursday night?"

They both nodded.

"Before you go, sweetie, this is for you." Mrs Carson handed Eggsy a plain envelope. And a ball of purple yarn. The whole group giggled.

"Wot the?" Eggsy said. He put the yarn in his bag. He opened the envelope and found co-ordinates and a time. and a note that said mission failed if later than said time. "Ladies?"

"Don't you think you should hurry?" Mrs. Carson suggested. "Tick tock, Eggsy." More giggles.

Eggsy looked at his watch, shit, he had twenty minutes to get twenty blocks. He took off running.

And found himself in front of another yarn store. He stumbled in and a woman behind the counter smiled. "Eggsy?"

"Yeah." He said. "Nice shop."

"Thank you. Here you go." And she handed him a bag with tan yarn and another note.

All morning and early afternoon he tore around London, yarn shop after yarn shop. Each gave him yarn and another note. 

It was the most exercise he had had since waking up. He was exhausted, he was loving every second of it.  But he was running out of room in his bag. The last yarn shop though just handed him knitting needles with their note. Really nice needles. "Thanks." 

"Your man is gorgeous and so cute for doing this." She said.

"Yeah, he's the best innit he?" Eggsy replied. Luckily the co-ordinates didn't seem too far away, he was wearing down a little.

Shortly after he realized he was in front of the BBC. He wondered if he was supposed to go in, and why he was there when a gentleman approached him with two envelopes. "One more stop sir." The man said. 

"Just one?"

"That is what I was told to say." The man gave him the envelopes and went back into the building. Only this time when he opened the envelope instead of co-ordinates it said, _Turn Around_.

Eggsy turned and saw the Kingsman limo pull up. He settled into the back. 

"Sir, we do have a bit of a drive, and I do believe that you were provided with things to occupy your time until we arrive in about two hours." The driver said.

"Oh, sure." Eggsy said. He dumped out all the yarn he had received and wondered what he was supposed to do with it. He had gotten a specific set of needles. He then remembered the other envelope. And there was the official BBC pattern for the Tom Baker Doctor Who scarf.

"Driving me to Cardiff are you?" Eggsy asked.

"Indeed sir." The driver said.

Eggsy settled in with the yarn and pattern. Two hours later, he had a metre done and was pleased with how it was looking. But it was going to be a lot of work. The limo stopped and the man opened the door.

"Feel free to leave your supplies here, I'll keep them safe." 

"Thanks." Eggsy said. He got out and went up the steps to where Merlin was standing.

"Care to see a dalek?" Merlin asked.

"Damn right I would." Eggsy grinned and kissed his husband. "Wot's all this for then?"

"Wanted to celebrate you being back to yourself. Have a bit of an adventure." Merlin said with a shrug. "We'll do the tour, buy some toys, enough to make Harry jealous, eat a meal and have wild monkey sex in the hotel suite I have for us, and head back to work tomorrow."

"You could have just said, hey let's go to Cardiff and do up Doctor Who." Eggsy said, as Merlin opened the door.

"Now, where is the fun in that?" He asked. "Come on, let's see about stealing a dalek."

"Can we really?"

"No, but if we leave without buying a to scale motorized K9, I will be very disappointed." Merlin said.

"Yes." Eggsy cheered. They explored the tour and had a great time, and did indeed buy too many toys.

The rest of the evening was fantastic as well.

At 2am, Merlin woke up in bed alone and went to the living room of the suite, where Eggsy had his feet up, Doctor Who on the telly and the yarn spilled all around him.

Merlin yawned and scratched his tummy. "Lad? Bed is cold."

Eggsy laughed sheepishly, "Woke up, all energized, didn't want to bother you."

Merlin sighed and went to the sofa and lay down, his head in Eggsy's lap. He burrowed under the knitting. "Just don't hit me in the face too much." And he fell right back asleep the sound of Eggsy's needles soothing him, and the scarf blocking the flicker of the screen.


	38. The Fiercest of All Creatures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat POV for the Dread Pirate Mewttins meeting Harry for the first time (and ruined all of Percival's cute proposal plans)

No.

No.

 **NO. THIS WAS UNACCEPTABLE**.

A red bow tie, with some metal attached. No. He was above such trifles. He was distilled perfection, descended from warriors and gods and this, ugh, person who kept offering bribes and making weird faces wasn't even his charge.

The wrong person brought him home.

But he would endure, he was too noble, too pure, not to. But he would make his displeasure known. Wrong person left him in the room, locked in again (as if he couldn't escape if he wanted to, he just hadn't wanted to yet, it had nothing to do with how high the door opener thing was). He looked around. Pillow, yes good. A worthy foe to practice his skills on.

Of course he was victorious.

He needed a rest, sleeping on the guts of the enemy showed how fierce he was - it wasn't because the feathers were quite cozy. Fierce. Guts.

*********************

He was bored of his prison. It had been amusing to indulge wrong person by staying, but now he was bored. He also needed to establish who was in charge and it clearly was not wrong person. Through feats of daring that would have made angels weep, but were of no consequence to him, he escaped his grotty little prison. He certainly didn't just happen to fall off the drawers to a decent angle to open the door.

He stared at the hallway. There was noise and lights at the end of it. It was just a trifle, a titch of a walk, he certainly wasn't scared of how dark it was.

Slinking slowly and carefully along the wall, well that was stealth mode, just as his forefathers would have done.

Oooooh pretty shiny lights. With dangly things. How dare wrong person deny him such a worthy opponent. This, this was a battle worthy of his ancestry and skills. How dare he leave him only pillows to vanquish when this was out here. Wrong person would suffer mightily for this. He was ready to leap, to begin an attack that operas and epic poems would be written about, when there was a noise behind him.

A rear sneak attack!!!!!!!

How could wrong person dare such folly. He would show them.

**_He would show them all._ **

Only it was just another person sleeping. Boring. But still he had to assert his authority.

Hmmm. Table to chair to sofa. 

Perfectly executed. He meant to fall onto person's chest.

Person was broken. He had something on his eye. What is that? Poke. Oh that woke person up. Very well, time to show who is boss.

Only, smile, pretty eye. 

Huh...

Did wrong person find him right person and leave him as a gift? He took a sniff. Yes, yes this was right person. 

He needed to speak, make their relationship known.

"Mrrow." A regal head bow.

"Hello." Right person's voice was smooth, but rumbled in his chest. Yes, better and better. He stomped a little for right person to continue and luckily his right person understood. "I'm Harry. Do you have a name?"

"Mrrow." No, he didn't. Wrong person was smart and didn't even try. No name he gave would be acceptable. He lay on right person's chest and waited. 

"Dread Pirate Mewttins." Right person, Harry, said. 

...

Yes.

Yes.

Fierce, strong, people would bow or flew in the terror that was his due. Harry had chosen well. He sat up a little. 

Harry may pet him.

Why wasn't he petting him? 

He was sure that Harry was just in awe of his strength and fierceness. He needed to realize that he was right person. The Dread Pirate Mewttins would protect him unto death. His lineage demanded no less courage. He headbutted Harry's hand, to let him know pets were acceptable.

Oh yes, right human gave good pets.

They would make a formidable team.

Only...sigh...there were the steps of wrong person.

He glared, a first warning.

"I see your Christmas gift escaped." Wrong human spoke. He was not Harry's Christmas gift, Harry was his. Wrong person didn't understand how this worked at all.

"He's perfect Michael." Ah Michael, he knew wrong person's name now. Names were powerful, he would use this knowledge wisely.

"Merry Christmas Harry." No leaning over and kissing his person. The Dread Pirate Mewttins let out a fierce growl, claimed his territory. Harry gave him the appropriate amount of scritches as his just reward. "Did you name him?"

"Yes. The Dread Pirate Mewttins." Harry was allowed to be a little proud of giving him such a name. He would be generous with his fragile human's emotions, they were such weaker beings.

Did wrong person just laugh?

**Did wrong person just dare to laugh and shake his head?**

**UNACCEPTABLE**.

Harry chose a good name, the right name. There will be vengeance. 

Wrong person, went back to the room with the good smells. mmmm food.

No, he would not be distracted from his duty, from his revenge.

"Mrrow." He said to Harry as he dropped off. He knew exactly what to do. He started to walk down the hall.

Why wasn't Harry following?

Human.

Needed so much training.

Go back collect human. Go come along. Now you stop there. "Mrrow." Stop. Good Harry. Maybe training Harry wouldn't be that much work.

The Dread Pirate Mewttins went in and found the bow tie with the metal on it on the dresser. He knocked it to the ground in a truly impressive feat that should have been caught on film. He should receive accolades, laurels.

He would be humble in accepting them.

He dragged the object to Harry and left it at his feet. He trusted his human would understand the point of the metal on it.

Harry seemed to have turned into a statute. Interesting piece of metal. Perhaps valuable.

Wrong person came back in nattering away. Saw statue Harry holding the metal.

"Oh no. No, no, that had supposed to be around his neck, only he wouldn't wear it so I was going to do it all up, nice and proper." 

Yes...Yes, wrong person seemed distressed. His plans had been ruined.

Good.

One does not cross the Dread Pirate Mewttins and not expect revenge. Justice.

And there better be food awaiting him in the kitchen.

Wrong person will be taught his place.

He is servant to Dread Pirate Mewttins and Harry.

That is the way, that is the rights.

Ooooh, yes food.

Wrong person would be allowed to live for another day.


	39. There Are Other Kingsman You Know 3

_The Jackal_

Bedievere stood in the shadows and watched the man take down the five guys who had decided to jump him. He watched as the man broke bones and knocked them out. Bedievere watched as the man then went through their pockets for anything of value.

"You're better than that." Bedievere called out. 

The man stilled, Bedievere saw the blade slip into his hand. "Here to finish it?"

"If we wanted you dead, we would have done it 20 years ago when you came in second."

"I came in first, Chester didn't like the colour of my skin so much."

"He didn't like your attitude so much." Bedievere smiled. "And the colour of your skin. A gentleman wouldn't steal those wallets."

"Yeah, but thought we proved I ain't no gentleman." He stood and grinned. "Uniform didn't really fit."

"We have some new cuts now. Might fit after all." Bedievere turned and walked away. 

It wasn't that long before the man followed. "I'm too old to go through the training again. Not that I want to work for that asshole."

"Harry Hart is Arthur, well normally, he's on medical leave. Big meeting on February 5th. He takes the seat back, and I'll be leaving mine."

"Retiring?" The man asked, a little curious, more than he wanted to admit.

"No, transfer. I'm going to fly, be their deliveryman. Good shot though I'm not the only one leaving, and that would be too many openings, lot of candidates would be needed. But -" They turned a corner and Bedievere unlocked his car. "But"

"But." The man said. He leaned against the car and smiled. "I'm a thief, a con man, and sometimes an investigator, how exactly is one of those suits going to fit me?"

"Quite well, with how somethings play out these days." Bedievere handed him his card. "You have a few days to think about it. Call me by the 3rd with your answer. I would like to nominate you to directly take my place at the table under the reasoning that you have in fact passed all our tests." The man didn't take the card. "Corben, you should have been at the table for a long time now. Time to take your seat. Time to come in from the cold."

The man took the card and walked away without another word.

 

_The Badgers_

His beard had grown in nicely, all scars were healing well, the cast was off. Ector was starting to feel like himself again. He had even gone out on the pull and it had gone well. He woke at dawn though and ducked out of the woman's flat, feeling a little hollow. He found himself on Gawain's steps. The man opened his door, naked and scratching his ass.

"Charming." Ector said, smiling.

"Go bug Tristan, he's your best friend." Gawain groused, but he left the door open as he walked back into his house. 

Ector followed him. "I bothered him enough, and Liz is still helping him deal with seeing his ex."

Gawain headed up the stairs. "Put the kettle on."

Ector went into the kitchen and put the kettle on, even started a light fry up. Twenty minutes later Gawain returned showered and wearing jeans. They sat in silence. They also agreed to ignore the tea and drank some whiskey.

"I can't go back to my job." Ector finally said.

"Sure you can, you're still pretty enough." Gawain made a kissy face.

"Oh I know I'm plenty pretty." Ector agreed, "I also know I can't go back to the job. I...my head would never be in the game, not all the way, not enough. I'm not me anymore."

"You go on long term seductions. The whole point is not being you." Gawain smirked. "You can't lie back and think of the good of the world?"

"No." Ector said simply. "If I don't know me, I can't do the job. You spend that long behind a cover, behind a story, and don't have that core of yourself to hold onto, you're lost, just gone. And either I don't come back, or I do and then one day there will just be nothing left of me, only charm and fake smile and absolutely nothing behind it."

"Oh fuck me, why am I having the philosophical conversation?" Gawain groaned. "Go to more counseling with The Boudica."

"I have been, that's what made me realize I need to quit."

Gawain poured another drink. "Not this bullshit again. We went through a lot to keep you at the table, you can't quit now."

Ector sipped his whiskey. "Who am I if I can't do my job?"

Gawain put his glass down and grabbed Ector's face. "A fucking Kingsman."

"But not the Kingsman I was." Ector replied. "Gawain...Rhys...I can't go back out into the cold."

"Edward, you idiot, you don't have to." Gawain smiled and hit him lightly up the head. "We are loyal to the Kingsman, to the king. You don't think that he can't figure out the right place for you in all the shake ups that are going to happen. You don't have to be Ector, to still sit at the table."

"Huh." Ector replied. "It was what I was best at."

"Fucking?" Gawain asked. "No, it wasn't. It wasn't about that at all. Think about it, think about what you are really best at, and then set up a meeting with Harry. Now clean up the bloody kitchen. I'm going to go sleep for a couple more hours."

Gawain walked out.

Ector cleaned up and then made a mess all over again, making thank you cookies.

That mess he left alone, before heading out to go talk to Harry about his future.

 

_The Lemming_

Pelleas walked into the kitchen and saw that the only other people there were Liz and Tristan. She was crocheting and he was reading. 

"Hello." He said politely. They both glared at him. He had no idea if it was because he interrupted their time, or because he had so vehemently sided with Caradoc. He really wished Merlin would have let him take a leave of absence until they fired him. But Merlin insisted that all agents be where he could keep an eye on them until Harry took the table again. So he went into the office, moved files around, went to the gym, and dealt with the glares and muttered words of people.

Caradoc was the only one allowed leave and Lamorak had been sent out on a mission. They were the two that he ever really talked to. He felt very lonely. Pelleas still struggled to figure out how it all went so wrong. He loved this job so much, believed in it so much, and Harry had been in the wrong, if they weren't all buddies they would see that.

It was public school all over again, and he never was in the popular group.

He made himself a lunch and sat at a table well away from the couple. But he did watch them a little. How Tristan's eyes would leave his book and stare at her fingers, never her face, he just watched her fingers move over her yarn. He could see Liz touch her foot to Tristan's under the table. He stopped watching and focused on his food. A while later he heard the scrape of a chair and Tristan stood. There was only a head nod and he was gone. Good she'd be gone soon to, and he could be alone.

He heard her get up, only she didn't leave but came and sat across from him.

"Pelleas."

"Thomas." He said. "I doubt I'll be Pelleas for much longer."

"Thomas then. I'm Liz."

"I know." Pelleas responded. He put his fork down and looked at her. "I know your name."

"Wasn't sure, you're not very friendly." Liz replied easily.

"You already have enough friends here."

"True. Did you know Merlin's name was Lachlan, that the head of R&D is Pilar, that Twitch is the chief mechanic, that his men are Garth, Mikey, Carol, Jim, Shona, and Dave?"

"Of course I did." Pelleas said. "A gentleman knows the name of those who make sure he stays alive, even if he never talks to them."

"Could you name the people who work under Merlin, who work under Pilar?" Liz asked.

"Yes, they matter." Pelleas said.

"See that's the thing, they didn't, they don't to Caradoc. That's why I can't figure out why you sided with him."

"Harry was in the wrong." Pelleas said.

"Sure he was." Liz agreed easily.

Pelleas stared at her in shock. "But you are friends with him."

"Yup, and still think he was a moron for not talking some of that out more before implementation. But him being in the wrong, doesn't mean Caradoc was in the right." Liz looked at him. "You going to be one of those little animals, you know the ones that will just walk off the cliff if their leader does?"

"A lemming?" Pelleas looked affronted. "One, they don't actually do that, the vicious and contemptible people who filmed that forced them to do that for the documentary. Two, I am my own man."

"Prove it." Liz said.

"I love this job, **I**   **love this job**. But there is no way that they'll let me stay at the table, none of the other's would trust me at their side again, and honestly I don't blame them. No matter that I followed my conscience, they'll not trust me." He took a breath. "Caradoc wasn't in the right, I do see that you know, what he did with Ector, that was dead wrong, you don't leave one of us in danger on a mission. We stand true. And he is in the wrong how he treats the support staff. But, I don't know that I can follow Harry's lead, it's too emotional." Pelleas scrubbed his hands over his face. "I'm going to lose my job, something I love, something that defines me, and I don't know what I'll do. It's going to be awfully cold out there for a while."

"You went through hours of video and put together a voice clip, in 30 minutes, something that for others could take days." Liz looked at him. "You are right they won't trust you at their side. But maybe, maybe under my guidance they might trust you at their back."

Pelleas broke into laughter. "Never."

"I'm very persuasive. You don't want to leave your job, but frankly for your own sanity and theirs, you have to leave the table. But the table isn't the only place here you know. It's rather cozy in our wing of the estate." Liz stood. "Think about your options before you decide whether you should throw yourself off that cliff."

She left the kitchen.

Pelleas sat there for a good hour, just thinking.


	40. To Find a Candidate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy has to find someone to nominate for a seat at the table

"So who you nominating Rox?" Eggsy asked.

Roxy finishing chopping some cilantro and limes and brought them over to the table. Sarah had texted that she was running late, and they were to start eating. And if they finished all the tacos she would gut them. They believed her.

"A girl I went to school with." Roxy said filling a shell. "She was smart, and a long distance runner. Been sort of lost though, switching jobs a lot, never satisfied. Having tea with her in a couple days, feel her out." Roxy wolfed down a taco and reached for a second shell. "You?"

"No bleeding clue." Eggsy admitted. He started to eat. "I have no idea how you pick someone, what you are supposed to look for. I mean wot I just go up to someone and say, hey have I got the job opportunity for you. You get to wear great suits, payed an ass load of money and are likely to die in some horrific way and can't really tell your family about it?" Eggsy remembered to eat.

"What about someone from marine training?" Roxy asked.

"Nah, haven't stayed in contact at all, and wasn't the chummiest fellow when I was there neither." Eggsy shrugged, ate some more. "Maybe Merlin or Harry will have some tips."

They heard Sarah come in. "Make me a taco!" She yelled down the hall. Roxy and Eggsy looked at the scraps left on the table with horror. Eggsy had no problems admitting he bolted and dove out a window to escape Sarah's wrath. Next day at work, Roxy punched him. Hard.

 

"Hey babe?" Eggsy asked.

"Hmmm." Merlin didn't look up from his computer. He was getting this punk ass teen who kept trying to corner him. Thinking he could take on someone with Merlin's stats? Merlin was sending him crying to his mama.

"Merlin how do you pick a candidate?" 

"Well you don't pick one by going up against a level 68 dark mage with enchanted sword that's for damn sure." Merlin muttered. "Level 49 paladin asshole thinking he'll win this raid." Merlin kept muttering.

"Okay, we'll wait until you are done." Eggsy said picking up his yarn and working on some socks for Harry. Twenty minutes later Merlin stood and did his victory dance. "The kid can't see you, you know."

"Aye, but he feels this deep in his soul." Merlin said finishing up and closing Warcraft. "Now what do ye need Eggsy?"

"I have to bring in a candidate in two weeks. How the heck do I choose someone?"

"You have a couple ways. You can have the blind luck of pulling the right kid out of lock up like Harry did." Eggsy laughed a little. "You could do thorough research and analysis like Percival does. Ask the bartender if he would like a new career like Gawain did once, Tristan always pulls from the ranks of Scotland Yard. Caradoc always nominated an alumnus." Merlin shrugged. "Some take it seriously, some don't."

"It's the Kingsman, that's a little mental isn't it, not to take it seriously." Eggsy scoffed.

"Aye. Unless you think about it differently."

"How?"

"I don't need the people in that room to be the best at everything. I need them to have a spark, maybe they are the best at one thing that I can then mold." Merlin explained. "Gawain picked that bartender on a whim, because he had fast fingers, a keen mind for remembering customers. Yes common enough traits in bartenders, but Gawain saw that once it was a woman who hadn't been in for six months and the bartender remembered her name and her major and her drink. That kind of memory is useful. And I think Taliesin was a valuable addition to the table." Merlin grinned.

"Holy shit! Gawain nominated Ector? And he was a bartender?" Eggsy was shocked.

"Taliesin, Eggsy, have to call him by his new code. Though he taken hold of the nickname Sin and rather run with it."

"So, don't have to be all toffs with sticks up their arses like wot were at my training."

Merlin sighed. "That was a weird moment. Everyone had come up raw from Lancelot's death, and just sort of grabbed any candidate they could. Most ended up being wankers. A couple of them weren't bad, just weak. Harry set a month to give everyone time to really find a candidate. You lost a week to us going on vacation though. Any thoughts at all?"

"Not a bloody one. Think I'll just grab someone on the street and say do I have the job opportunity for you." Eggsy groaned. "And I have to do this again in a couple months for the other seat at the table too."

Merlin patted him sympathetically and heard his computer ping. He started to quiver. 

"Go kill people." Eggsy said as he picked up his yarn again. Merlin kissed his husband and went back to his game.

 

"Wicked that you finally managed to come over." Jamal said to Eggsy. "Want to hear all about that vacation you took."

"Really, all about it?" Eggsy teased.

Jamal rolled his eyes and grabbed some beers. "Okay not all, don't care about your bloke's dangles. But private island how was that?"

"Aces." Eggsy said. He grabbed one of the beers and yelled at the kicker on the screen. It was nice to sit with Jamal, watch a game, just chill. He had gotten nowhere on picking a candidate and had just a few days left. Merlin had been the one to suggest he get away from it all. And bother his other friends and leave Merlin some peace. "Seriously never seen water so blue. Swam and drank and fucked for a whole week, no one else around. Totally killer, and recharged Lachlan's batteries, he was dead tired from working two jobs."

"I hear that, be happy when my regular supervisor comes back from mat leave, been learning too much about paperwork." Jamal said. He laughed. "Look at us being all respectable like. Who would have thought?"

"Who would'a?" Eggsy agreed as they clinked bottles. They idly talked as they yelled at the game and eventually ordered pizza. It didn't solve any of Eggsy's problems but it at least was a fun time.

"Hiya!" A voice called from the front door of Jamal's tiny flat. She rounded the corner. "Oh god it's you." She said looking at Eggsy on the couch. "Thought you were well shot of this loser Jamal."

"Yeah well he sometimes shows up, lost little puppy looking for scraps." Jamal said, throwing her a beer.

"Oi!" Eggsy protested. She flopped on the couch and wrapped an arm around Eggsy's neck and gave him a kiss and then a pinch. "Gemma, stop!"

"Make me."

"Could you know." He grumbled as he did nothing.

"Oh yeah, I'm really scared of a guy who cuts fabric for a living." Gemma let go though and grabbed a slice of pizza.

"Jamal, your sister is being mean to me." Eggsy whined. 

"She's been mean to you since we were 8. Should have nipped it in the bud then."

"Didn't expect a five year old to kick like that, now did I?" Eggsy said. He looked at Gemma, "How's it going anyway?"

"Got suspended at work today." She said easily.

"Gemma! Not again, they said they would fire you if you kept that up." Jamal yelled.

"Nah, I was in the right, but they couldn't admit it, so week without pay."

"Wot happened?" Eggsy asked.

Gemma rolled her eyes. "Doc was going to give a drug to a girl that would have killed her. I stopped him."

"You are an orderly, not a nurse." Jamal replied. "You can't just yell at people like how you do."

"I actually talk to the kids, read their charts, just because I'm there to change their sheets and wheel them about, don't mean I can't see what's wrong." Gemma protested. She glared at her brother. "They're all overworked ain't they, and they gonna do something stupid, like to think stopping them is what matters. We had had more money maybe woulda become a nurse, then proper change things wouldn't I, make them actually listen."

"We have some extra money, could do it now, maybe." Jamal said.

"Not taking what you've built up." Gemma protested.

The siblings just kept bickering around Eggsy and Eggsy let the conversation flow over him.

Eggsy took a good look at Gemma. "You wot, a metre and a half? How do you help lift patients that could be almost twice your size?"

Gemma glared a little at him. "You be smart about it, it's leverage and basic math and you get help if you need it. Grew up with lot didn't I, know how to handle my shit don't I?" 

Eggsy felt a grin slide over his face. "Gemma, do I have the job opportunity for you."

"Wot?" Gemma was thoroughly confused, but Jamal wasn't.

"No." Jamal glared at Eggsy. "No, not unless it's your husband's side of the business."

"It's my side, and you know she'd be genius at it." Eggsy replied.

"I'll not let her." Jamal didn't know 100% what Eggsy and his husband did, but he knew enough. He wasn't going to let his sister get involved.

Gemma looked at her brother. "Like you'd ever stop me from anything. Who died and made you head of the family, wasn't Da, he's down the block playing dominoes with Mr Parker." 

"Gem," Jamal sighed. "Do you really think he just cuts fabric?"

Gemma paused. "Well, no 'course not, but we all agreed we ain't going to talk about it, rat him out or nothin."

Eggsy looked at his friends. His smart, clever, fearless friends. He had to spend more time with them, they were the best.

"Jamal." Eggsy said quietly. "Got to let her grow up. Got to let go."

"Shut it." Jamal replied, but he looked at his friend. "Promise me she's safe."

"Can't do that." Eggsy admitted. "Can promise she'll be taught though, taught to be as safe as she can. And if she doesn't make it, she might end up on Lachlan's side of it all, or she might end up back here." Eggsy shrugged. "Never can really tell how it's going to play out."

"Right. Fuck me." Jamal said. "I'm getting another beer, expect you need to talk to her alone." Jamal cuffed Eggsy up the head. "You owe me a new fucking sweater for agreeing to this." He went to his small kitchen a couple metres away to give the illusion of privacy.

"Wot's goin on Eggsy?" Gemma asked.

"Gem, want to save the world and look killer doing it?" Eggsy looked at Gemma. "Want to be more than you ever thought possible, maybe die, maybe don't, but you'll know you made a difference. Plus you get to blow shit up and driving bitching cars."

"Cutting fabric is a lot different a job than I thought it was." Gemma replied.

"You have no idea." Eggsy agreed. "You in?"

"You bet your ass I am." Gemma said. 

"Yes." Eggsy grinned. If they had thought bringing him in was a questionable idea, just wait until they got a load of Gem.


	41. Straighten Your Tie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said to knitter-eggsy-universe:  
> Can we have some positive Eggsy/Percival interaction? I totally understand Eggsy's position and it's valid....but the sadness on Michael's face shows that it's hurting him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this prompt is back from when we were dealing with Harry's medical problems in A Knight's Guide to Falling in Love. The two men are back to being friendly but still I got a good idea for the interaction of the two.

Michael absolutely wasn't nervous. There was nothing to be nervous about. He looked in the mirror and tied his tie. With the ends coming out uneven. Again. For the fifth time. The silk was utterly mangled and he didn't have a spare.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in Roxy, I actually need your assistance." He called.

Only it was Eggsy that ducked his head in. "Sorry mate, Roxy is helping wrangling the crowds."

"80 people is hardly crowds." Michael replied.

Eggsy snorted. "Tis when it is a bunch of our guys mingling with civilians innit?"

"Oh. Fair point. Do keep Sin and Gawain away from Harry's cousins if you can."

"That's part of what Roxy is doing. Don't need to give Harry a coronary today." Eggsy came into the room, with a glass for Michael. "One drink. Just to smooth out the nerves."

"Were you nervous?" He began to work the tie yet again.

"Nah." Eggsy put the drink down on the small table. "Marrying Merlin, one of those things just felt right."

"Of course you weren't nervous." Another failed tie attempt. "Why are you here Eggsy? Shouldn't you be with Harry?"

"Merlin's in there and they are doing that weird we've been bros longer than you've been alive bonding thing they do."

"So yelling at each other and then hugging."

"Yup. Think Merlin's using the hugging to make sure Harry goes out there with only a couple weapons on him. And Roxy wanted to come in, since she's standing for you and all, but Sarah needed help dealing with all the people happy for you. So you get me. Sorry."

Michael smiled. "I don't mind so much."

"Really?" Eggsy asked. 

"Really. Is it not clear that I am fond of you Eggsy?"

"Well you can be a bit of a quiet one." Eggsy said. He took the poor destroyed length of silk out of Michael's hands. "We got people in common, work well together and all, you bribe me well and get choice knits, though less now that you've picked up the skills. We're friendly, but -"

"Eggsy." Michael looked at him. "I should have said this at some point, made it clear. I do consider you to be a great friend."

"Oh." Eggsy was pulling off his tie.

"You are Harry's family. So, you are my family." He looked at Eggsy. "What are you doing?"

"Fixing you up." Eggsy said as he put his own tie around Michael's neck. "So why so nervous, marrying the guy you love and that loves you shouldn't be so worrisome."

Michael let Eggsy work. "Because he might realize he can do better and not go out there."

"Yeah he said something similar to Merlin, Merlin knocked him about a bit for being an idiot. Something about how he's not going back to dealing with Harry on his own and that if Harry cocks today up, Merlin will kill him."

Eggsy finished the tie, it lay perfectly, but he just fussed with it just a bit. "You love him?"

"Oh yes." Michael smiled and Eggsy could see everything that Harry saw in the sniper. "More than I realized I was capable of."

"Merlin does that to me too." Eggsy agreed. He handed the glass to Michael. "Now drink that up so we can get you guys married. I want to eat and dance with my husband."

Michael's slammed back the drink and grinned. "I want to dance with my husband as well."

"Let's get you married then." Eggsy straightened the tie one last time. "Agent Guinevere."

"Not quite yet."

"Close enough, need to get used to the name change." Eggsy opened the door. "Ready?"

Michael could see Roxy there waiting for him, and in the distance a glimpse of Harry - his Harry, to be a little corny his heart. "Yes, I very much am." 


	42. The Difference a Year Makes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> catreia said to knitter-eggsy-universe:  
> So I've been having a bad couple of days with my disability (no worries, they happen) so I would love to request a future fic of some disability wins in Merlin's life after the accident if that is at all possible? Seems like something that would help me cheer up. XD Thanks lovely!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place over the course of a year after Merlin's accident in Knit the Pieces Back together. Also has a call back to the dancing chapter Swing.

Merlin no longer measure time in days and weeks.

Well not quite true, with his job he had to, but he gained an additional measure.

It wasn't a Tuesday, it was the day he managed to walk with his prosthetic all day without a cane.

It wasn't June, it was the first time he was comfortable giving Daisy a piggy back again.

It wasn't six months, it was running 10 kilometres on a non-running prosthetic (he kept his word to Eggsy about never touching that again, but Pilar was able to create a few adaptations to help).

It wasn't 8 months, it was when they made the trip to Scotland to see his parents for the first time in person since the accident. His Ma wept and his Da poked at his leg. He and Robert went for long walks in the woods, Robert to helpful until Q helped his master push the fussing man into the ravine. Merlin made it back to the house a little sweaty, but managing just fine over the uneven dirt.

It wasn't almost a year, it was when Eggsy asked him the most terrifying thing ever. "So Liz and Graham are going to babysit for Rox and Sarah. The girls want to go dancing. Harry and Michael are on board. That club is having a swing night again, like what we did a couple years ago. God you had looked sexy."

"Eggsy, I can't dance." Merlin said.

Eggsy looked confused. "Sure you can, seen you do it." They were still in bed, and Eggsy rolled on top of Merlin, rested his head on his husband's chest. "Had a real good time too."

"Eggsy I at most could manage a slow shuffle, but certainly not swing." Merlin looked at Eggsy. "Please lad."

"Oh." Eggsy realized. "I forget."

Merlin felt his jaw tense. "Ye forget? Right now your leg is resting in the space where mine should be. The fingers in your hair aren't all there. How exactly do ye forget I am broken?" Merlin pushed Eggsy off and sat up, leg over the edge of the bed, head hanging. He felt Eggsy wrap around the back of him, hug him tight.

"Because you're my Lachlan." Eggsy said. "I forget because to me you missing a few bits doesn't seem to stop you from anything else. I forget because the lacks don't define you for me." Eggsy kissed his back again. "I'll tell the girls no."

Merlin touched the hands that wrapped around his stomach."When is the swing night?" 

"Two weeks." 

"At the very least we can go along for the drinks and music." Merlin replied.

They stayed cuddled for a while. "You might want to be going back to those group sessions at the hospital yeah?" Eggsy asked quietly.

Merlin sighed. "Yeah. Thought I was fine enough, that my head had it squared away, but maybe a monthly or bi-monthly check in wouldn't be bad." Merlin pat Eggsy's hand. "I'm going to shower."

"Need a hand?"

"No, I'm fine." He had been able to use the wall and a cane to get himself to the bathroom for months.

"No, I mean need a hand?" Eggsy asked drifting his hand down Merlin's back.

"We owe Pilar fifty pounds if we break another of the shower chairs she built." Merlin said.

"Oh I'll take that bet." Eggsy jumped to his feet and went to warm the water, while Merlin slowly got himself to the room.

********************

Merlin and Q went to Harry's office. "I need your assistance with a small project."

Harry put his tablet down. "Define small, blowing up a country small project, or redoing our entire database small project."

"Smaller than that." Merlin said. "Come along Harry."

"I might be busy." Harry said even as he stood.

"Ye are reading Eggsy old stormpilot fanfic, now get your move on." Merlin took turns and twists through the estate until they were at the ballroom.

Harry realized what the small project was. He closed the door after them and even put a chair in front of it. Q settled himself in front of the chair, trusting HH to look after his M.

"You don't have to relearn this, not if you don't want to." Harry said to his old friend.

"I cannae disappoint him." Merlin said, he moved himself into the middle of the room.

"You never disappoint him." Harry said.

"Okay, then I cannae disappoint myself. I want to dance with him Harry. Might not be able to do what I could before, but I'll see him smiling in my arms." Merlin held out his arms and Harry stepped into them.

"Then we start with a slow box step." Harry said easily, letting Merlin lead.

It was slow, Merlin didn't even try to keep to a beat, just relearning the simple moves with the prosthetic leg. They stopped and switched leads and Merlin stumbled hard on the first step back. He hung his head. "Going backwards is hard." He finally admitted.

"Okay then we start simpler." Harry held out both hands and Merlin grabbed them hard and they spent an hour just walking Merlin backwards around the room.

Everyday they met for an hour or so helping Merlin regain his dancing feet. Merlin growing more confident that he could at least spin Eggsy around the floor a little. The second week they were moving to music and Merlin was able to be moved around with Harry leading with only minor stumbles.

"Not like he leads a lot." Harry said. "You could avoid it."

"Best be prepared." Merlin said. "And this has been helping steadiness in general."

"You stopped your therapy too soon didn't you?" Harry asked.

"Oh are ye the one to lecture about listening to doctors?"

"All of us are rather horrible at it." Harry agreed. "Come let us try a fox trot."

Two days before the big date Merlin went to the ballroom and Harry was waiting with a box. Q went over and sniffed it before settling into his usual place. Harry gave it to Merlin. "This might help out on Saturday night."

Merlin opened it and saw a new leg. "I've had Pilar and Twitch working on it. It is sort of an adaptation of the leg you use for exercise, while still not being a running leg. Really good knee and ankle movement. Lightweight."

"And painted with stars." Merlin smiled. "Very pretty. I'll just go -"

"Oh just drop trou and switch it out already. Don't waste time." Harry said.

Merlin looked at him.

It wasn't a Thursday, it was when he wasn't too scared to change him limb in front of anyone but a doctor or Eggsy.

They practiced and it was the best Merlin had felt dancing. They stopped in the middle of the dance floor. Merlin changed from a dance hold to a deep hug. "Thank ye Harry. Thank ye so much."

Harry held him tight and didn't say a word.

*******************

They were all dressed up again and having a grand time listening to the music having cocktails when a mid-tempo song came on.

Merlin held out his hand to his husband. "May I have this dance?"

Eggsy looked up at him, knew better than to ask if Merlin was sure. "You can have any you want."

They went out to the dance floor and Merlin grinned. "Hold on lad." And he moved Eggsy around the floor, steps simple but well in time. They stayed out for three songs before Merlin admitted he needed a break.

They went back to the table to grand applause from their friends. Merlin took a bow and sat. Eggsy climbed into his lap and snogged the living hell out of him.

"That was brilliant guv." Eggsy said before giving another kiss. Now tables around them were clapping. Merlin pushed Eggsy off and onto his own chair.

Merlin looked over a Harry who raised his glass in salute. 

Michael winked. "We're not going to let them show us up Harry, come on."

"Can I lead?" Harry asked hopefully.

"One." Michael conceded. Harry cheered and ran for the floor.

Roxy and Sarah followed them at a slower pace.

They sat for a few songs and then the band called the last song for the set, and it was a slow one, "As Time Goes By."

It was Eggsy's turn to ask Merlin for a dance.

They didn't move very much, just swayed along to the soft strains.

"I am proud of you every damn day." Eggsy said into his ear. "So fucking proud."

Merlin smiled to himself.

It wasn't a Saturday, it was when Merlin finally had all his swagger back.

 


	43. Eggsy has the cutest pout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eggsy doesn't want to leave the private island.
> 
> just a short little one here.

Merlin glanced at the clock. They had to take the boat to the main island in an hour to catch their flight home, he had finished packing and tidying a little, though a cleaning service would come once they were gone. It had been an amazing week that they had really needed. Merlin hadn't realized just how worn down he had gotten doing both his and Harry's job. And just him and Eggsy, alone for a week no interruptions had been a very rare treat.

Only now it seemed his husband had gone missing. He walked their bag down to the boat and went to find Eggsy. It took a little work but he eventually found him under a tree. Eggsy was staring out at the water, skin golden from all their time in the sun and water.

"I'm staying." Eggsy said.

"Nae."

"Sure I am, I can fish and forage, that house was built to withstand anything. Even got satellite. I can manage. We can manage." Eggsy said picking at the grass.

"Vacation doesn't make for a good life Eggsy." Merlin said. He slipped an arm around Eggsy. "This was a joy, but it is time to go home."

"But why?" Eggsy's pout grew. "We're happy here, it's so pretty here."

"Aye for a week, maybe even two, but ye know we'd burn out of paradise. This much stillness is not our style."

"It could be." Eggsy's pout grew to legendary proportions.

"Ye want to miss Harry's bachelor party that ye've been planning. What about our Fridays with Daisy? Want to miss Roxy's bairn, your Mum actually dating and being happy?" Merlin asked.

"No." Eggsy sighed. "I just, this was so nice. And the time just for us. It was nice. I missed you a lot recently. Even when you were beside me, you were so busy, I was missing you." Eggsy admitted.

"Aye, I felt the same." Merlin said. "But things will be more normal now. And perhaps we take a page out of Bors and Pilar's book and set up a specific date night so long as we aren't busy with the job."

Eggsy smiled. "That could be good yeah."

"Now are ye ready to leave?"

"No." Eggsy slid out from under Merlin's arm and hugged the tree. "Staying."

"Nae ye aren't." Merlin put on a light teasing voice. "But if ye are a very good lad and come home with me ye can get your Valentine's gift."

"Thought our Valentine's was all the naughty, naughty things we did?" Eggsy said looking at his husband.

Merlin shrugged, "Well that was fun, but I do have something else for ye, all planned out and ready, but ye have to come back to London for it."

"Is it good?"

"It is brilliant if I do say so." Merlin said. He held out a hand. "Come my love, back to our life now."

Eggsy slowly reached out and Merlin grabbed him hard and threw him over his shoulder and carried him to the boat where he cuffed him to the seat just so he didn't try to swim back to the island.

They made it home and it was sleeting.

"I'm going back." Eggsy said as they stood on their front step.

"Really and miss this?" Merlin opened the door and Q and JB came tearing down the hall to greet them, losing their minds that both their masters were home. Eggsy went to the ground and rolled around with the dogs.

"Okay so missed these guys." Eggsy said, snuggling JB. "Now where's the gift I was promised?"

"Saturday morning 11am." Merlin said. And then he wouldn't say anymore no matter how persuasive Eggsy tried to be. And Eggsy tried to be very persuasive.

Saturday morning found them on the tube and exited in Notting Hill. They walked down some streets until they were at a small shop with an opaque window. 

_James and Smith Tattoos_

"This is where I have gotten most of my ink. James is amazing." Merlin said.

"Okay." Eggsy was a little confused.

"Lab Rat perfect covering skins and makeup." Merlin said opening the door. He pushed Eggsy through. "I gave James your image searches and rough sketches." A man came up to them, small, unassuming and covered in ink. "James, my husband needs his Knit or Die tattoo."

Eggsy gasped. "Shit! Really?"

"Aye lad. Happy Valentine's day." Merlin said. He loved the smile on Eggsy's face.

"I did three versions for you. Merlin said you would want it either on your bicep or between your shoulder blades, so I worked up for both."

"Bicep." Eggsy said. "I want that yarn on my bicep. Easier to cover up than my back where I can't reach." 

James showed Eggsy the three plans and Eggsy took thirty minutes to choose all were perfect. In the end he snapped photos and sent them to Mrs Carson who said option number 2. Eggsy had to agree with her.

"Let's get you going then." The man said leading Eggsy over to his chair. Eggsy practically bounced over to the seat.

The whole time Eggsy kept grinning at Merlin and telling him he was brilliant and amazing and wonderful and that it hurt like a son of a bitch.

"Aye." Merlin said. "It does."

"Totally worth it. I'm going to look so badass." Eggsy said.

"Indeed, everyone knows that the most terrifying tattoo to see on a person is a knitting one - those are people ye never mess with."

"Hey you are scared of my knitting group." Eggsy protested. "We're dangerous folk."

Merlin just laughed. Eggsy wasn't wrong after all.

Two hours later it was covered in plastic and Eggsy was beaming.

He kissed Merlin again. "Thanks babe."

"Ye do look good with it." Merlin said looking at the arm. "It suits you."

"You are the damn guv."

"Think you'll ever stop thinking that?" Merlin asked as they left the shop.

Eggsy just laughed at him and dragged him along to get some food. 


	44. Merida Anyday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> willbakefordean requested Merlin and Eggsy watching Brave and well this idea hit me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set just a little in the future a year or so - but before Merlin's accident. I think it was supposed to be about Merlin and Eggsy, but really this is about Merlin and Daisy who would be 6.
> 
> Also it has come up in the blog - but back home Merlin rode competitively when he was a teen and in college.

"Oh god I cannae take it any longer Eggsy." Merlin groaned. "How is Frozen still a thing - how?"

"Disney is really really good at marketing." Eggsy said as he made the popcorn. "And hey we've only seen it enough to have it memorized and it turns out have you sing the songs in your sleep." Eggsy kissed his husband. "You know you love her enough to watch it again."

Merlin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Nae, I don't. Tonight is the night I draw a line in the sand." And Merlin left and Eggsy could hear him running up the stairs.

The poor bastard wanted to take Daisy on for Frozen, well he was free to die on that hill alone.

Merlin came back down with a dvd. That had a cracked case. Eggsy grabbed the snacks and followed. The living room was set up with Merlin's patented Eggsy's blankets fort, Daisy and the dogs already inside, Daisy still able to use Q as a back rest.

"Yes! We can start the movie." Daisy cheered. JB barked along to show support. Q stayed asleep.

"Nae, lass. Tonight we watch this." Merlin held out the case.

"Brave?" Daisy sneered. "That one looks stupid. Put Frozen on Lach."

"Nae, I am asking ye to watch this with me. It is my favourite Disney movie and I would like to share it with ye tonight, if ye would let me." Merlin's burr was deepening as he talked. 

"But it has no singing!" Daisy protested.

"Nae, but it does have magic and a brave, fearless lass, who could leave Elsa and Anna in the dust."

"No way!" Daisy said sitting up.

"Aye, she could without even blinking." Merlin said. "Tell ye what, a bet. If ye don't think she is awesome, as awesome as I do, Frozen for the rest of my life, I'll even dress up with ye for it."

Eggsy stared at the two of them, waiting for it to play out.

"Deal." Daisy spit on her hand and held it out.

"Dais! Gross." Eggsy said. But he heard another spit and stared at his husband. "Do not!" But it was too late, the two had shook hands, really gross hands. They all settled into position and Merlin popped the dvd into the large laptop propped high on a stack of books.

They started the movie and Eggsy had to kiss his husband at the glee on his face. Eggsy had seen it before and thought it cute enough but his husband clearly loved it. 

"Her hair is pretty cool, not very real though." Daisy said.

"Robert has a cousin, hair like that. She hates it." Merlin said. His accent had grown as thick as Eggsy had only heard when the man was back in Scotland. Daisy was enjoying but clearly not up to Frozen levels.

When Merida did her riding and shooting, Daisy sat up. "No way could anyone do that. Nu-uh."

"Aye lads and lasses have been able to do that for centuries. I can show ye youtube videos after."

"Sure edited videos." Daisy sneered.

"Nae lass tis possible with training."

"Whatever, I doubt it though."

"Oh will you two hush and just want the nice movie?" Eggsy said, as he pushed popcorn into both their mouths.

By the end Merlin was a little misty eyed and Daisy was smiling.

"Well Dais, what do you think?" Eggsy asked.

"It was pretty good." Daisy said.

"Pretty good, ye sounded very nervous during the climax and in fact cheered at the resolution."

"Okay but still shooting like that against Elsa's magic? No way." Daisy said. "No one could move a horse like that and shoot. Not really."

Merlin looked at Daisy. "But ye are close to agreeing with me yes?"

"Yeah, it was a pretty cool movie."

"One month." Merlin said. "One month tomorrow I will prove to ye that Merida could shoot like that. And if so, I ask that ye agree with me."

"Done." Daisy said. She was about to spit again but Eggsy clamped a hand over her mouth. "You sleeping in here tonight Daisy?"

She nodded around his hand.

"Okay then." Eggsy crawled out of the blanket fort and sighed when he heard them both spit.

Eggsy snuggled into Merlin in bed, they could hear Daisy talking to the dogs. "You really love that movie."

"Aye. It reminds of the stories Robert's grandmother told us when we were wee. She had us convinced there was a fairy circle just in the woods."

"Near the tree we were married at?" Eggsy teased.

"Aye." Merlin said, pulling his husband even closer.

"You are very Scottish tonight, should we drag out your kilt?" 

Merlin didn't answer just kissed the top of Eggsy's head.

"So, can I know what you are doing in a month?"

"Ye can." Merlin said slowly.

Eggsy smiled to himself. "But you want it to be a surprise for me too." He looked up at Merlin. "Have I mentioned how cute you sometimes are?"

Merlin growled and pounced, relentlessly tickling Eggsy. A few minutes later the dogs and Daisy came bursting in, and well they needed new pillows anyways.

***************************

"Where are we going Eggsy and why isn't Lach with us?" Daisy asked from the back of the car as Eggsy drove.

"He had to go on ahead, get the surprise ready for you." Eggsy explained for the fifth time. "And we are going to the location that he put in my GPS." Eggsy was almost as anxious for the surprise. Merlin had been gone a lot getting it ready, hours at a go and last weekend Eggsy had barely seen the man. Eggsy was pretty sure that he was sent on that quick mission to Lisbon just to give more time for Merlin to work on his plan.

"Well out of the city." Daisy said. "It's nice."

"It is. You want to take more adventures Daisy, because we can do that." Eggsy offered.

"Sean had said we could do it, but I said that sounded boring, but maybe it wouldn't be." Daisy replied.

"Are you being nice to him?" Eggsy asked sternly.

"Yeah. Mum doesn't have him over a lot, but he's been nice the few times I've met him. He brings neat things. Clever things. Puzzles." Daisy said. "He said we could all go to a picnic. I think I'll say yes." Daisy looked at the gates they arrived at.

Eggsy rolled down his window and spoke into the speaker and watched as the gate opened. He followed the road to a building where a man was waiting. "Mr and Miss Unwin. I am Wilson, I owe and run these stables. Please follow me." They followed the man around to the back where they could see stables and a huge practice field loaded with targets.

"Uncle Harry!" Daisy yelled. "Uncle Michael." Harry caught the Daisy bullet easily. Eggsy moved a little slower. 

"Hey guys. Hey Pilar, Calvin, and Twitch." Eggsy looked at Daisy. "Say a nice hello Daisy."

"Hullo." Daisy said from Harry's arms.

"I have a gift from Lachlan for you Daisy." Pilar said, as she handed over a box. Daisy hopped out of Harry's arms and tore into it.

"Wow." Daisy said. "It looks like Merida's." Eggsy coughed. "Thank you ma'am." 

Daisy looked around the field, at all the targets, similar to the sort that Merida hit. "Some of her targets dropped down and moved and stuff in the movie."

"That's why I'm here. Hi I'm Twitch, I make things move fast." He waved a little controller.

"I like the butterflies on your shoes." Daisy said.

"Thanks! Want to help me hit the button once the rider comes out? Maybe see if we can't make him miss?" Twitch asked. Daisy looked Eggsy who nodded and she went over and climbed into Twitch's lap.

Eggsy had an idea what was going to happen. He leaned on the fence next to Harry. "You seen him ride before?"

"Yes, a mission once a long time ago. You?"

"Last trip to Scotland. Guy looks good on a horse." Eggsy smiled slowly. "This is going to be a treat."

Pilar looked at the group and smiled. She put her fingers to her lips and it was the loudest whistle Eggsy had ever heard. They all heard the stomp of hooves and there was Merlin on a sleek black horse, not holding any reins, just using his thighs to guide the animal. In his hands was a bow that also looked like Merida's only scaled to Merlin.

"I had fun making those." Pilar said but Eggsy ignored her, stunned by how goddamn beautiful Merlin looked.

"Hit the button Daisy." Twitch said cheerfully and Daisy hit it and a bunch of the targets started to move and Merlin just guided his horse around the field never stopping and always hitting the target, even if it wasn't perfectly centered.

"Jesus." Eggsy said. "Jesus fucking Christ is he getting laid tonight."

Harry and Michael nodded their agreement, entranced by the sight.

"Hit the button again!" Twitch yelled gleefully and Daisy did to watch one of the targets actually fire snowballs at Merlin even though it was late spring. 

But Merlin ducked low on his horse and spun and hit the last target. He put the bow over his shoulder and rode slowly over to the group. "Well Daisy?" He asked, breathing hard.

Daisy cheered and jumped right from Twitch's lap to the fence. Pilar and Bors quickly moved to steady her. "OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO COOL. CAN YOU DO IT AGAIN? CAN YOU SHOW ME HOW? MERIDA WOULD KICK THEIR TUSHES INTO NEXT WEEK. YOU WERE COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY RIGHT. TEACH ME EVERYTHING LACHLAN!" The words were strung together so fast, but Merlin understood well enough. He reached down and picked Daisy up and put her on the front of the horse and turned back to take her for a bit of a walk.

Merlin looked over his shoulder at Eggsy and winked. 

Harry and Michael caught Eggsy as he knees went out. "I won't survive him getting back into riding. It will be the death of me." Eggsy said as they propped him on the fence.

"At least you'll have a fine view Eggsy." Pilar said. She gave a low whistle and laughed where her men goosed her sides.

"Hell yeah." Eggsy grinned as he watched Merlin pause two feet away from a now still target and help Daisy fire her small bow. 

The whole group cheered when her arrow wobbled but stayed in the burlap.

God Eggsy loved his family.

 


	45. Alexander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said to knitter-eggsy-universe:  
> Prompt! BAMF serious Harry please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so this will have BAMF Harry, but serious? I'm sorry but the major thing I took away from the movie is that Harry is a shit, so I don't know how serious this will be.
> 
> This is set well in the future and ties into other future hints that we've seen. For time reference a few years after Merlin's accident, but before Daisy switched from school to learning with Kingsman.

"Guinievere I've triangulated his position, sending the co-ordinates to your GPS." Merlin said in his ear.

"Understood Merlin. Any helpful information you can provide?" Michael asked as he drove. Harry was beside him doing a weapons check.

"Warehouse, does have a second floor that can be accessed by a fire ladder on the outside. You going in high and quiet would be best for ye." 

"Agreed. And for Arthur, who is just getting over the flu and shouldn't have even come on this job with me? Perhaps he should stay and guard the car?" Michael suggested. Harry just glowered at him.

"Merlin, I am fine." Harry said. 

"Arthur, I suggest that you be distracting. There are no cameras in the building that Alexander has gone into, so no idea what you are facing." Merlin explained. "The Durga is going through records of the complex seeing if she can put anything together for us but looks like ye are going in blinder than I would like." Merlin was quiet for a moment. "Arthur."

"He will be fine." Harry said reassuringly.

"We fought. He ran, and Eggsy is in Tokyo. I just -"

"He'll be fine." Harry repeated. Michael stopped the car a bit away from their location. They got out and Michael looked at Harry.

"Are you sure you should go in there? I can do this alone." Michael said.

"Agent Guinievere, I am more than capable of performing my job." Harry's voice was harsh, the weak light from the buildings making the silver in his hair shine. "Let's go get my idiot grandson."

"My grandson wouldn't be this stupid." Michael said smugly.

"No your grandson just blew up his school's science lab."

"He's a pip. Lab Rat is already tutoring him. 8 and he is doing college level science." Michael's smug was getting out of hand. "But 15 and getting caught up in whatever is going on in that warehouse, that's impressive too." Michael said.

"Oh shut it. I swear to god, I'm going to kick his ass into next week. We could be snuggling, watching Audrey Hepburn movies. I'm too old for this."

"You know you are having fun. You love it when Merlin calls out the code White Hart of the loose." Michael kissed Harry. "Time to go to work." And he was gone in the shadows.

"Show off." Harry muttered. He looked at the warehouse. "Merlin, anything else?"

"Based on movements in and out of the complex shouldn't be more than a dozen in there, more likely less than 10."

Harry adjusted his sleeves. "Very well. Think I'll knock and see if anyone wants to chat." Harry did indeed knock on the door before walking in. "I'm sorry, terribly rude of me not to wait for your invitation in, but I had a feeling I would be waiting a long time for that." Harry moved into the warehouse, never letting his eyes rest. He could see five men, as well as Alexander. 

"Nae, should be more than that. Watch your back." Merlin said in his ear. Harry looked at the tables full of stolen gear. And drugs. Charming. "Really Alexander? Drugs?"

"Don't have nothing to do with that shite." Alexander said to Harry, though he didn't quite look at him. 

"Well that's something I suppose. Now come along, you are missed at home."

"Sure, I am." 

"Sarcasm is a boring and cheap refuge. Now come along Alexander. You've worried your father."

"Oi!" One of the gentlemen yelled. "Who's the geezer Alex?"

"No one." Alexander hunched a little. "Just some toff in the wrong place. And he's gonna leave, forget he saw anyone in here." 

"He's scared for you Harry." Merlin said in his ear.

"Nah, too late for that, he looks the sort to call the filth."

"While I highly respect and value the police, I can assure you that I will not be calling them." Harry said, he caught a faint movement above and realized Michael was in position. He smiled and moved in closer. "Now I am sure whatever your beef is with Alexander is entirely deserved and his fault." Harry paused and laughed. "Do you know about a dozen years ago I said something similar about his father, in a situation almost like this? The world is a funny thing." Harry laughed a little more, and the men all stared at him like he was insane. "My apologies, at my age, one starts to more easily get lost in memories."

"Is your eye patch got the bat symbol on it?" One of the criminals asked.

"Why yes it does." Harry said cheerfully. "Thank you for noticing. It also has a very small camera in it. Now then back to business. Alexander and I will be walking out the door, and you'll just forget you ever knew him and all will be well."

"Sorry mate. Not happening. Kid owes us money. Thinks he can just walk away from the life, that he don't owe us?"

"I don't owe you nothing." Alexander said. He finally turned back to Harry. "Will you just get gone? You don't want to mess with these guys. And tell Lachlan, I am sorry. That it were nice while it lasted."

Harry saw the black eye and blinked and tilted his head a little. 

He could actually hear Merlin grinding his teeth. "Right. Arthur, burn it to the ground. Burn them and salt the earth."

Harry's smile changed from dapper to something else. Two of the men in the room backed away a little, but one went over to Alexander and ripped the boy's prosthetic arm off and kicked him to the ground. 

Merlin growled in Harry's ear.

"Get away from my grandson." Harry's voice was hard, his face terrifying.

The man pulled a gun and pointed it at Alexander's head. "Boy don't got no family. Just a cheap piece of street scum, that we'll use as we please, just as we've always done. Thinks he can wot just move along, say he gonna live high and mighty and not pay the piper?" The man cocked the gun. "And you, you think you are going to stop me?"

"No I think the sniper up top will." Harry said calmly. A bullet tore through the shoulder of the man holding the gun. He fell to the ground screaming.

The room was very still for a moment, and Harry took advantage of that. Alexander watched from the ground as Harry killed the other four men in the room. He had no voice, was just in shock at the way Harry used his umbrella; the man was moving like someone twenty years younger. Alex saw a couple men trying to sneak up on Harry's blind side but before he could say anything more bullets came from above killing them. It was not even ten minutes and the only one left alive was the first man. Harry walked over to the man on the floor next to Alexander.

"Alexander please get up, this floor seems quite filthy." Harry said. He then calmly stepped onto the man's shoulder and pressed hard into the wound. "Now then, are there any other members of this group that might come after Alexander?"

"Fuck you." The man said. Harry stomped even harder.

"He's the leader of this group, but think they all answer to someone higher Harry." Alexander said. "Ain't no way he's smart enough to pull the strings not really.

"Piss off." the man said. He followed it with a string of names that made Alexander flinch away.

Harry pressed harder into the wound. "Alexander is off the table for whatever petty little criminal activities you all are up to. No harm or bother comes to him again or I promise I will hang you with your own intenstines." Harry stepped off the wound. "Have a good rest of your evening." 

Alexander just stared at Harry. "You guys are tailors."

Harry smiled and gestured for Alexander to start moving.

"Sure go on and run off with your Daddies." The guy on the floor called after them. "You enjoy sucking that much old man cock?" Harry froze. "Go out the door, you'll recognize the person waiting for you." Harry pushed Alexander forward before turning back. Alex was almost at the door when the man began to scream. He froze for a moment but didn't dare look back.

"Come along Alexander." Michael said quietly. "Harry seems to be working out his rage issues. Is it wrong that I find it so attractive?" Michael asked as he guided the boy to the car.

"Wot the fuck are you guys?" Alexander asked.

"Tailors, as you said." Michael put his rifle into its case in the boot of the car. "Situation clear Arthur?" Michael asked as he heard Harry's steps.

"It should be shortly Agent Guinievere." Harry said. They all heard the explosions inside the building. "You are grounded. So grounded, like the most grounded ever. I am going to suggest to your father that he suspend your gaming privileges, no t.v., no football, no prom, no marriage. no nothing ever."

"I don't have a father."

"See that sass right there, extra 10 years of grounding." Harry said. "Get in the car. Don't have a father indeed. You have two, and don't think that you won't catch hell a second time when Eggsy gets home from Tokyo. Double, triple grounding then."

"Yeah, well he cares so much, why didn't he come to get me himself?" Alexander asked.

Harry sighed and turned. He pulled his ear piece out and jammed it into Alexander's ear. "Ew, hygiene Harry." Alexander complained.

"Of all the boneheaded, stupid things to do, what were ye thinking lad, going to that scum?" Merlin was yelling in his ear.

"I didn't exactly mean to." Alexander said. "Just ran into Mikey and then all of a sudden I'm at the old warehouse and Harry and Michael are being the scariest mother fuckers ever."

"Language young man." Merlin said sternly. "If ye ever think of fucking scaring me like that again, forget Harry's triple grounding, which ye are indeed under, I'll lock ye in a safe room and never let ye out. Ye cannae scare me like this son, I'm old my heart can't take it."

"Why didn't you come?" Alexander asked. He absolutely didn't sniffle.

"Because when one is quartermaster they send out their best to achieve the desired result and guide them through the task. I sent them because them on the floor and me in their ear was the best guarantee for your safe return." Merlin sighed. "Please just come home. I am so sorry we fought. Please just..."

"Harry kept calling you and Eggsy my fathers, called me his grandson." Alexander's voice was small.

"We are whatever ye want us to be. I'll tell him to stop Alexander."

"Sasha. My Baba when I was a kid that's what she called me. It's what my family calls me."

"Very well then. Sasha return the ear piece to Harry and I will see you soon."

Alexander handed the piece over to Harry who put it back in his ear and occaionally murmured. "Yes Merlin I can do that." Harry turned and grinned. "We are driving out to the estate to meet your father. Michael is going to take the long way so that I can begin your punishment. Let us talk about Margaret Thatcher." And he launched into the most boring lecture ever. Within 10 mintues Alexander was begging Michael to kill him but Michael ignored him and was listening to music through his glasses.


	46. Beautiful Warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for everyone's favourite - more Dog POV :)

She could hear all the happy voices but didn't bother to look up anymore. She used to, she used to get all excited like the others but after almost 6 months, the balloons just meant another sad day. Where the people just pretended not to see her, or pointed and flinched. She liked people. Didn't quite understand why they didn't like her anymore. She just wanted family again. Family good, alone and metal cages bad.

All the other dogs were prancing around waiting to get brushed, putting good foots forward. She hoped the little guy two down got adopted, he was cute, needed a big family to play with. Red shirt man came over. "Well suppose we should pretend you aren't ugly. Maybe this time someone won't get grossed out by you." She didn't flinch at the words. He said them all the time to her in quiet. She let him, he was nice to the others, and they mattered more. He gave her just a surface groom, enough to not get in trouble. "Don't distract from the guys who have a chance at getting families and maybe you'll get a treat." It was a lie he never gave her a treat.

She watched out of the corner of her eye as people came in and chatted with the workers and walked down the aisle with the cages. They often didn't even make it to her cage, last in the row or if they did one look sent them quickly away. She poked at her ball a little, her one toy. The first wave of people for adoption day were done and they were waiting for the afternoon push. The little guy was already gone, that was nice. She could hear Red Shirt Man stutter a little and sound too cheerful. That meant pretty girl. He tried to be charming, he sounded stupid. She got mad at herself for thinking such a mean though. She nudged her ball some more.

"We have some really great dogs right now. Do you know what you might be looking for?" Red Shirt Man asked.

"My last dog was a purebred poodle. Amazing dog, but she got sick and passed too soon. I admit, I would like something a little different." The voice was soft, smooth, like the people on the telly who told you sad stories.

"Rox, we don't need to do this." Other voice was nice too, also soft but not as smooth.

"No, I miss having a dog. And our little boy should have a dog." Her ear perked up a little at that. Two ladies and a little boy? That was a family. But they wouldn't want her.

"Your little boy isn't even going to be here for 19 more weeks." The less smooth voice giggled a little. Pretty giggle. 

"Still." Smooth voice said. "I like mid to larger sized dogs." The three were walking among the cages, pausing to look. Red shirt man kept praising a few of the dogs and the woman were quiet. They would be at the golden retriever. He was nice, good for a little boy. She nudged her ball a little too hard and watched as it rolled out of her cage. She let out a small whimper. Ball was all she had left. Red Shirt Man wouldn't give it back.

"Oh no, here sweetie let me get that for you." Less smooth voice said. The steps hurried closer.

"Miss, you want to be careful." Red Shirt Man said.

"Is the dog vicious?" Smooth voice sounded stern.

"No, placid as anything, little bit broken from being here for so long, just might get a shock when you see her." Red Shirt Man explained. She huffed. She wasn't broken, she just accepted she wasn't wanted.

"Here sweetie pie. I have your ball." She could here less smooth voice, she was close, must be crouching close. She tried to keep her head hidden. "Oh come on sweetie, let me see your pretty face, play ball with you." She moved her paw from over her eye and dared to look over. Time to get it over with, they would see her and then choose the nice Retriever, he would be good for them. 

Oh. Less smooth voice was pretty. Her hair had colours and her sweater looked so soft. Only pretty gasped and she ducked her head again, waited for her to go away. 

"Rox to me." Pretty said. She could here the other move fast over.

"Baby?" 

"I'm fine. But look at her." Pretty said. "Sweetie, could you show my Rox your face? Just for me?" She didn't want to, they would be mean, laugh, but Pretty sounded so nice, so she looked up again.

And oh. Pretty too, but different. Strong. Pack leader. Warrior. She whimpered a little. Please don't hate me, she thought. I couldn't stand it if you hated me.

"Hello there. I'm Roxy." Warrior said. Warrior held out a finger into the cage. She moved a little closer, sniffed. Warrior even smelled perfect. Pretty put her fingers in too. Oh, first contact in months that wanted to be near her. It was so nice. She took a chance and licked a little.

"Can you open the cage?" Pretty asked.

"Yeah, I guess." Red Shirt Man said. He opened it and Pretty held out her arms. She went over and sat beside pretty, touched a paw to the small swell of tummy.

"That's our boy in there. You would have to be very careful with him, protect him, if you were to come home with us." Pretty said. She woofed. She understood about protecting, it is what got her here in the first place.

"How was she injured?" Warrior asked.

"She belonged to an old lady they were at a park, a stray went a little nuts and was going to attack a couple kids and she jumped in. Guess it was a nasty fight, lost her ear, the eye, got those scars on her chin and shoulder. Woman couldn't really handle the medical fees, had to give her up. You can understand why no one has wanted her. But real nice of you ladies to show her some pity. Now let's go back to the retriever. Think he's perfect for you."

She sighed. It had been nice of them to be nice. She nodded and walked back into her cage and sat down, time to let them go. Sure enough they stood and looked at each other. Warrior smiled. Pretty rolled her eyes.

"Rox, Arthur and Merlin will be cross if you cause problems at the RSPCA." Pretty muttered.

"Tristan would back me." Warrior said.

She was very confused. Why hadn't they moved along? They should go to the retriever, he was handsome would look nice beside them at the park.

"What's her name?" Warrior asked Red Shirt Man.

He snorted a little. "Technically, it is Princess Beauty but can't exactly call her that anymore can we?" He joked.

Warrior turned. "You are right about that." Pretty groaned and She wondered what was going on. Warrior was much shorter than Red Shirt Man but when she turned he backed away at the looked on her face. "She's not a Princess, she a fucking goddess. And believe me I'm going to speak to people about your attitude. If my pregnant wife wasn't with me and I wasn't worried about her delicate sensibilities, I'd be talking about it personally with you. Now how about you toddle along and fill out paperwork so we can take our dog home, before I cave your face in?" 

She watched Red Shirt Man run away. She woofed confused. The two women turned back to her. "Hello Sweetie. We are Roxy and Sarah. We would very much like it if you came home with us." Warrior said. 

She looked to the retriever, tried to get them to see they wanted the pretty dog.

"My boss, Harry, he sort of looks like you." Warrior said. She was curious and tilted her head, moved a little closer to the women. "It's true. He's missing an eye and has some scars. He's one of the bravest, kindest -"

"Prettiest" Pretty chimed in. Warrior snorted a little.

"Prettiest people we know." Warrior finished. "I have scars too. Earned in battle like you. We understand scars, and those who carry them. Our flat is small, but we know a place where you can run and make friends. I would want you to protect Sarah and our son when I'm gone. Would you do that?"

Protect family? She sat up straight for the first time in a long time. She could do that, she was meant to do that. She nodded at Warrior. Warrior nodded back.

"It's not as dire as Rox makes it sound, we also have music, and yarn, I'll make you cozy blankets to nuzzle in, toys, go for walks." Pretty said. The two warriors just looked at each other in agreement. Pretty needed protecting, it was their duty.

"He was right you know." Warrior said. "You aren't a princess. You are a queen. Medb. If you like." Warrior said.

She woofed. New family, new name, yes. Medb.

Red Shirt Man came back. "I have your forms ready." 

"Good, we are ready to take our dog home, if she is ready to come with us." Warrior said.

Medb moved over to beside Pretty and nudged her a little forward, walked with them to the door. She stood between Pretty and Red Shirt Man the whole time.

"Great another overprotective guard dog." Pretty said. She didn't sound too upset.

"Deal with it." Warrior said. Medb woofed in agreement.

They did what they had to. And clipped a lead around Medb's neck. "Ready to go home?" Warrior asked.

Medb woofed and held her head high, for the first time in forever not caring about her scars. She had to look at after Pretty and Baby. She had family again.

 


	47. A New Way of Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Michelle have an important conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sean and Michelle are taking their relationship very slowly because of both their pasts. Hers with abuse and destroyed self esteem, him being 50ish a widower for years who had only ever dated his wife (he's demisexual).
> 
> The new Bedievere is fancast as Idris Elba. Sean's new call name is Charon (he hates it)

Sean was happily examining the broach he had found for Michelle. It was pretty and sparkly just like her. He was laying on the couch just chilling. Lamorak and the new Bedievere weren't due back for two more hours he had plenty of time to do his flight checks. He was trying to decide where to take Michelle for dinner once he was back. His Kingsman glasses beeped. 

"What's up Lamorak?" Sean asked.

"Bedievere went off book." Lamorak said. Sean could hear tires squeal. "He decided subtle was the wrong course of action and now we have three cars after us."

"This was a simple test job - destroy the hard drive on a laptop!" Sean yelled he ran to the cockpit and grabbed his gun. "ETA?" The squeal of tires was no longer just through the ear piece. He ran to the plane door and saw his two agents jump out of the car. He ran down the steps and opened fire with the agents. Only of course what should have been a gun fight somehow ended up as a brawl and Sean felt that odd heat that went along with being stabbed. He twisted and snapped the man's neck.

"Down to just a few, get the plane ready." Lamorak yelled as he threw a grenade. Bedievere had moved around and was trying to flank the last few guys. Sean ignored the stinging in his arm and ran into the plane and had everything ready shortly. They were in the air in thirty.

"Well now that was bracing." Bedievere said cheerfully. He flopped on the couch and saw the small box. "Ooh what's this bit of pretty then? Did some shopping Charon did we? Got a nice bird to get a leg over with when we get back?" Bedievere laughed.

Lamorak put a hand on Sean to keep him still. "We need to check your arm. Put on autopilot." 

"Can't until we reach altitude. A few minutes. Not bleeding too badly. Go yell at him for a bit." Sean said.

"With pleasure." Sean couldn't make it all out because Lamorak wasn't actually yelling, but he caught words like reckless, dangerous, badly done. The plane hit altitude and Sean switched it to autopilot. He moved back to the two agents and stripped off his shirt. He couldn't quite see the wound. 

"Lamorak want to take care of this?" Sean asked.

"Yeah." Lamorak agreed. He grabbed the medical kit from the bathroom and set to cleaning the wound. "Long but not too deep, that medical tape Lab Rat designed should do the job fine, doubt you need stitches." 

"Good. Now Bedievere explain to me why I shouldn't rescind my nomination of you to the table and ask that Harry and Merlin eject you and wipe your memories?" Sean asked.

"You can't do that, you don't even sit at the table anymore!" Bedievere replied.

"But I do, and you best believe I've contacted them and they will be meeting the plane to have a talk with you." Lamorak said as he finished cleaning the wound and began to apply the tape. It went from Sean's shoulder to almost his elbow.

"Great now I'm going to have to cancel my date." Sean grumbled. "There was a chance I might have had my first proper kiss and now that is delayed because of your reckless and stupid ass actions back there." 

Bedievere snorted. "What are you 12? Unless by first kiss you mean first -" Bedievere made a rude gesture. Sean threw a short jab and punched him in the nose. It didn't break but there was blood. Sean smiled. 

"Do not presume upon my relationship with Michelle." Sean said. He picked up the box carefully and took it to the cockpit with him. He heard Lamorak lecture the whole way home.

*****************************

They landed and Lamorak bullied Sean into seeing Dr. Pierce who said Lamorak had done a good job and to not get the area wet for a couple days. "Baths for me then." Sean said. He decided going to his flat seemed like too much work and decided to crash at the estate.

He had promised Michelle when he got in he would text and set up a date. But he couldn't do that while injured. He had heard Eggsy talk once about how Michelle preferred to pretend they had normal jobs. He could see her with an injury like this. Sure his shirt would hide it, but now that he was back and not flying, he realized how much it hurt and how limited his movement was. He thought about what to say and finally sent her a text:

_Back from the business trip. Little busy. Set up a date later in the week? Talk to you later._

Twenty minutes later he got back:

**Fine**

The pain meds starting to settle into his system and he fell asleep happy everything was fine.

 

The next morning after a good soak in the tub, Sean realized that it would be nice to send the gift along to Michelle, let her know that he was thinking of her. He gave the box to Andrew and asked him to get it to her. He then went and made himself some food and went down to the movie room, where a few others were watching an rugby match. He settled in to enjoy. He was yelling with others at the telly when Andrew came in. With the box.

"She refused to even touch it sir." Andrew's voice was soft, sympathetic. He gave a nod and left.

The few others in the room found the match even more interesting in that moment.

Sean walked through the mansion, not even paying attention to where he was going. He ended up in the kitchen and decided to make a cuppa. He sat at a table and just stared at the box. He had no idea what he had done wrong. He vaguely heard the kettle, but didn't move. 

A few minutes later tea was sitting in front of him. And so was Tristan.

"Why did she just send it back?" Sean asked. He looked at Tristan. "Bringing back a gift from travels is what you are supposed to do."

"It is." Tristan agreed. He sipped his own tea.

"So I screwed up. I get that. I just have no idea how." Sean admitted.

"Why didn't you deliver it in person?" Tristan asked.

"Because I don't want her to see me injured." Sean said. "She doesn't like the job, so figured I would save her the worry and just see her later in the week when I'm better. That's what I texted that I was busy but we'd talk later in the week."

"Isn't that her call to make?" 

"Oh." Sean said. "But Eggsy has said -"

"Bruv, different when it is a son versus the guy you are dating." Eggsy chimed in. Sean hadn't even noticed him standing there. "Gifts aren't good." 

Sean was really confused. "Why aren't gifts good? I've sent flowers and given the Wonder Woman tiaras."

"Yeah, but those were different. Either done in person or for a reason that Mum could understand." Eggsy explained.

Sean still looked lost.

Tristan put his cup down. "Gifts seemingly out of the blue after vague excuses are never a good thing. That means you did something wrong or are about to do something wrong." Tristan looked at Eggsy and then looked at Sean. "In some relationships, gifts are a weapon."

Eggsy nodded in agreement. "Listen bruv, you ever cheat on your missus?"

Sean looked shocked. "Of course not? Why go out for burger when you have steak at home?" Eggsy smiled at that. He had seen a photo of Sean's late wife and by any standard she wasn't steak - except to a man madly in love.

"You ever hit her?" Eggsy continued.

Both Tristan and Eggsy froze when Sean hung his head. They were ready to kill him until he said, "A couple of times. See one of the strippers that went to my wife's practice also did community theatre and convinced Nora that it was a fun time. So Nora decided she and I needed to try something new and we signed up to do a Neil Simon play at the rec centre. It had one of those old supposedly romantic hit back and forth to show romantic tension scenes and it took me longer than Nora to figure out how to fake hit, thanks to all the job training and I accidentally connected a couple times. Felt horrible but she found in funny. Our reviews weren't bad, actually. Still have some of the photos and the small newspaper clipping about."

Eggsy stared at Sean. "You can't be for real." Eggsy looked at Tristan. "He can't be real."

Tristan nodded. "He is." Tristan looked at Sean. "Call her. Tell her the truth in person if she'll let you. Let her make the choice."

"What if her choice is to be done with me?" Sean asked.

"Then she's done with you." Eggsy said. "But I don't think that will be her choice. I'll talk to her too."

"Call her." Tristan repeated and the two left Sean alone.

Sean stared at the box some more while his tea went cold. Finally he picked up his phone and dialed. He was not surprised when he got voice mail. "Michelle." He took a breath. "Michelle I'm sorry. I didn't realize how it might all look to you. If I may, I would like a chance to explain in person. And after, if you decide this isn't for you - I'll understand." He hung up.

A little later he got a text:

**Sunday 4pm my place**

Okay. Okay he could fix this. He wanted to fix this.

**************************

Sean stood in front of Michelle's door and ran a hand through his hair. His now much shorter hair. He shouldn't have gone for that haircut but it was too late now. He knocked.

Michelle opened the door and Sean's heart stuttered a little as it always did when he saw her. Her hair was in a pony tail, a couple blue streaks along the one side. He couldn't stop staring at them.

She flushed a little. "Daisy and I played My Little Pony hair salon today." She said defensively.

"They are charming." He replied.

Michelle let him in. She moved him to the formal living room, the one space in the small house that they never used. "I'll get tea." 

Sean stared at the space, shifted the small box from hand to hand. Michelle came back with a tray and then sat well away from Sean.

"Where's Daisy?" He asked.

"Eggsy took her out." Michelle didn't touch anything on the tray, but pulled a shawl off of the couch and wrapped in around her shoulders. "So?"

Sean looked at how she was protecting herself, felt his heart break a little. "I flew two agents to what was supposed to be a simple mission. Simple enough that I had time to go shopping for a gift for you. I had fun doing it, looking at shops, thinking about what would make you smile the most." Only she wasn't smiling now. "I missed you."

"And then you shagged someone?" She asked.

"What? Of course not!" Sean said.

"Would understand if you did, I know we are taking it slow. Too slow perhaps and a man has needs." She said the last with a bit of an edge.

"I don't." He said.

"Sure." Michelle laughed harshly.

"No, I mean...I like sex, but I can't just..." Sean felt so awkward. "I...the only person I've slept with was my wife. I can't...I can tell someone is pretty or sexy, but if my heart isn't involved, then I just can't do sex. So there was my wife and then nobody until you walked into the shop and smiled. It was seeing the sun after a long dark winter." He winced. "Okay that was corny."

Michelle smiled. "Maybe just a little."

"Anyways, I found what I thought was the perfect gift and then went back to the plane to await my agents. Only the new guy decided to be a moron and deliberately cock up a simple mission, just for the show of it all. They were tailed back to the plane and there was a fight. I was flanked and stabbed." Sean explained. "Not too serious an injury but a little ugly and I can't move my arm easily right now."

"Why not tell me that then?" Michelle asked.

"You have Eggsy lie to you about the job. So I thought you wouldn't want to see me injured. Wouldn't want to face the reality of it. I sent you that message because I assumed that was what you would want. And then I sent the gift, because I wanted you to know that I thought of you, that I was thinking of you."

"Gifts that come in jewelry boxes have strings. Lots of strings." Michelle said staring at the box. "What are your strings?"

"None." Sean said. He shrugged. "I just wanted to buy you something pretty because I went away and had to cancel a date. I'm going to be away a lot, that's the job. But I want you to see that I think about you while away."

"No strings." Michelle said it slowly, a mix of doubt and hope in her voice.

Sean bit his lip. "Well, I admit when the knife hit skin, all I could think was fuck if I'm dying before I get a proper kiss from my girlfriend." He looked at her. "I guess those might be strings - I would one day very much like to kiss you."

"Are you for real? You can't be for real." Michelle was so confused.

"I can provide references beyond Tristan and your son. Ones who knew my wife. It would be nice for you to meet some of my friends actually. They do a mean potluck." Sean smiled. "You wouldn't believe the casseroles they can make."

Michelle laughed, she couldn't not, Sean was so earnest. "Maybe one day yeah." She stopped smiling. "You can't lie to me. I can't do this on a lie not again. I lived too long choosing to believe too many lies and I can't go forward with this down that path."

"But if I tell you the truth and Eggsy lies to you, how will that work?"

"That is my concern." Michelle's face was hard. "You have no idea what I can believe when I have to, to survive."

"Okay." Sean said simply. "No lies."

Michelle nodded. "I'll try better to not think of your actions in the context of his, but I don't know how well it will go, how long it will take."

"I'm in no rush, and I'll try better not to think that you'll react the way my wife did to things." He looked at Michelle. "We both need new ways to think." He reached out in order to put the box in a pocket.

"What's in there then, maybe you could give it to me on our next date?" Michelle asked.

Sean smiled. "Next date?" He asked happily.

Michelle just hummed and moved over to Sean."Let me see."

"Oh um sure." Sean took off his blazer and angled himself so Michelle could see the back of his arm. He felt her push up the sleeve of the t-shirt to see the start of the cut. He stayed absolutely still as he felt her press a soft kiss to the top of the cut and then another in the middle and a third at the bottom near his elbow.

Michelle went back to the other seat. "Next date." Michelle said.

Sean drank the stone cold tea happily. He decided next date were the best words he had ever heard - even if he wasn't 100% sure what they meant.


	48. Project 9 Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy loses her goddamn mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this says Project 9 Part 4 and as of yet we only have Project 9 Part 1. But this had to be written now and Part 2 will be in after hours and then part 3 will come along soon enough (and eventually I'll pull them all together for a separate story).

Roxy threw up.

Again.

She hadn't meant to get drunk last night. Tipsy with the guys while Sarah was visiting her family sure. But not drunk.

Not so drunk she got mean. It was why she didn't drink to excess very often, she didn't get silly and flirty like Eggsy, or touchy feely and dancy like Harry, or quiet like Merlin - she got mean. Never hurt anyone, but words can hurt enough.

She remembered what she had said to everyone and threw up again.

Roxy cleaned her mouth and went to the bedroom and picked up her phone and called home. "Sarah." She said quietly.

"Nope."

"Sarah. I'm sorry I didn't come home." Roxy bit her lip.

"I received three different reports on what you were like yesterday and last night. And I'm glad you didn't come home frankly. What is going on with you?" Sarah asked. But before Roxy could come up with anything Sarah just was off an running, in three languages. God Roxy loved it, even if she was being chewed out, Sarah sounded so beautiful.

"I love you Sarah. You have no idea how much." 

"I love you too, you daft idiot and after you work it all out there, you'll come home and we are going to talk about why you decided to lose your goddamn mind and we're going to fix it. But we don't fix us, until you fix Eggsy. You fix that or you'll be on the couch a lot. The uncomfortable one, with the busted spring." Sarah said. "Just...just be my Roxy, not this storm." Sarah was quiet. "You aren't the only one scared you know." She added.

"I know. I'll try." Roxy said.

"Try harder." Sarah said as she hung up.

Roxy was in pain, her head was killing her. So was her heart. She strapped on a pack and went to run the obstacle course so that everything could hurt and match nicely. She went over the wall and threw up again. A bottle of water was handed to her after she was done heaving. She straightened and saw Harry.

"Thought Eggsy would be first." She said.

"I've been wrong." Harry said simply.

Roxy wondered if she was still drunk. "I didn't know you could say those words."

"I made a decision about your job without consulting you. I've kept you back from missions because I didn't want you to miss any of the pregnancy, you'll miss enough eventually that I wanted to give you that gift." Harry shrugged.

"Would you do that for any of the guys?" Roxy asked with a sneer.

"Yes." Harry said simply. "I would."

"Oh."  Roxy deflated a little.

"Still I should have consulted you on that decision and for that I apologize." Harry said.

"Thank you sir." Roxy said.

"You will be put back on the active roster in two weeks."

"Why two weeks?" Roxy protested.

"Because you are not fit for duty, mentally. And before you open your mouth to protest, pause and reflect. Should I trust another agent's life to your hands at the moment?" Harry's voice was hard.

Roxy grit her teeth but thought. "No sir."

"Now that was business. This is personal. Your uncle and I want to give you my house as a present once we move to our new place. You disagree with this course of action."

"Yeah, you just can't give us a million pound house." Roxy said.

"Well I could have, but I no longer actually own it."

"What?" Roxy was confused.

"I sold it back to the Kingsman. It is now like any of their other properties that agents and senior staff have the option of living in. You may choose to stay in your flat, find your own place, or move into a Kingsman owned space and pay a nominal rent."

"You can't just do that! We were going to have a proper talk about it." Roxy glared at him. "What the hell Harry?"

"Roxy, you made your opinion about our offer very clear, very loudly, and very publicly." Harry watched her. "What belief could I have had that you would change your mind?"

"Sarah really wanted to live there, raise our son there." Roxy yelled.

"Then why were you so determined to not make your family happy?" Harry replied calmly.

Roxy snapped her mouth shut. She had no idea.

"Roxy, my dear, you seem to have decided you are alone in everything. You are the one who locked yourself in and haven't seen us knocking at the door. All you have to do is open it."

"About the things I've said, asking about what favours you've done for Eggsy, about him having a crush on you, they were out of line." Roxy looked very sad. "I'm sorry Harry for my behaviour and my words." Harry pulled her into a hug. 

"Love is goddamn terrifying isn't it?" Harry asked.

"So scared Harry. I'm just so scared of everything right now." 

"Go talk to Eggsy." Harry kissed her head. "Percival wants to talk to you about your mom, but that can wait. Go make it better with Eggsy and I bet you'll feel better."

"Yeah." Roxy agreed. She wiped away the tear that had fallen. "And Harry we would love to rent your house once you've moved out."

"Oh that? That was a lie. We'll sign the house over to you as soon as you are ready."

Roxy laughed, of course. "Arsehole."

"Indeed." Harry said. He pushed her towards the estate.

She headed towards the library, because that's where Eggsy always was when upset. She got to the door just as Merlin was leaving the room.

"Merlin." Roxy said.

"No." Merlin looked at her. "Harry's already forgiven ye, I can just tell by the look of ye, and Sarah will once she can put her arms around ye. Percival views ye as his daughter so to him, there is nothing to forgive, because a parent always forgives their child. And Eggsy, Eggsy will talk it out with you and forgive you as well because he is who he is, and if he loves ye he'll forgive ye anything." Merlin moved closer to her. "But if ye think I'll forgive ye for causing my husband sadness anytime soon, ye lost more brain cells than I thought last night. The affection and respect I held for ye as a Kingsman and a friend is all that is keeping me from breaking your legs for making him cry last night. Get your head on straight agent and stay out of my line of sight for at least a week, preferably two." Merlin walked away.

Roxy had to lean on the wall, a little terrified. She made her way into the library into the yarn corner where Eggsy was working away on a hat.

She sat across from him and drew her legs up, rested her chin on them. Eggsy didn't look at her, just kept working in the round on the little beret he was making for Daisy.

Roxy opened her mouth to apologize. Instead. "I'm scared," came out. She closed her eyes. "I'm so scared."

"Why not just say that - to your Uncle Michael, to Sarah, to me then?" Eggsy asked.

Roxy stared at Eggsy's fingers. "Can't be scared. Not allowed."

"By who?" Eggsy said. "Seen you scared of plenty. Halo jump, that mission in Casablanca. That time with the bumble bee."

Roxy laughed and choked on a sob. "Eggsy, everything changed. It changed so quick. Baby, married, no longer talking to my parents. And then I realize I've been sidelined on my job, the thing I love most and am best at. And Harry just offers to give me a house and I don't know it made me snap."

"Rox. You made a good bit of those choices. You wanted a baby, you wanted to marry Sarah."

"I know, I know that Eggsy, but do you understand what it feels like to have this much weight on your shoulders?"

"Wot?" Eggsy put his knitting down. "That weight no. No, I had to deal with turning to crime to stop my stepdad from hurting my mum. I had to deal with making sure Daisy had enough milk and cereal, because Mum was drunk or high in order to deal with the shite choices she made, or trying to placate Dean with sex so he didn't hit me again. I had to deal with giving up every dream, every fucking thing I wanted in order to fucking survive. I had the weight of helping Mum get her life sorted, keeping Daisy safe, the weight of knowing what happened to Dean and never saying anything. Weight of fucking people on the job with my husband in my ear, weight of trying to believe I'm even a little worth of what the people here think of me. But no Roxy, tell me about the weight of privilege and love and care feel like on your shoulders."

"Fuck you Eggsy." Roxy said. "My experiences aren't invalid because yours are worse."

"No they ain't, but you also don't get to think you are the only one who has suffered. And you sure as fuck don't get to complain about the weight of joy."

"What?"

"You are scared of the weight of responsibility that's felt all of a sudden come crashing down on you. But Rox, why aren't you comparing it to the weight of joy that came with it." Eggsy looked at her. "Your Mum was a cunt, but you have Michael and Harry who are just dying to give you family and love and spoil their grandson if you let them. Yeah maybe you rushed all the life steps into one big ball - but that ball is fucking Sarah, Rox, how does that make you think with fear. It's Sarah, tough, smarter than you, gorgeous Sarah who looks at you like you are everything all at once." Eggsy looked at her. "And your son, Roxy. Your little boy."

"Your boy." She said quietly.

"No, no my DNA, because Lab Rat hasn't figured out how to change eggs to sperm." Eggsy looked at her. "When we talked about this, when you came to me, I said, your kid, I signed off on it. I'm coding that's it Rox. I don't want to be this kid's dad, I really don't. I mean sure eventually he'll know the truth, but I want to be an uncle that is it. Don't make it complex."

"How is it simple?" She asked. "I didn't know. I didn't know I'd feel like this. I didn't. It seemed so smart, guy we knew, guy we loved, versus some random number. But when we found out it was a boy all I could think, what if he looks like Eggsy? What if he ends up as a little Eggsy junior? There's no me in him and what if he knows that and doesn't want me?"

"Rox there's so much you in him that you aren't seeing. How many stories have you read to Sarah's stomach, how many mornings do you make sure Sarah takes her vitamin, bet you already have a college fund." Eggsy said. "Rox, how much fun you having borrowing all this trouble?"

"None at all." Roxy said. "I'm tired."

"Come here." Eggsy held his hands open. And Roxy moved over and crawled into his lap and let go and cried and cried. He held her and rocked her and ignored the snot that poured over his shirt.

Eventually she slowed, was down to just sniffles. "Your husband is terrifying."

"Yeah he's pissed at you." Eggsy said as he rubbed her back. 

"Eggsy I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I blabbed about the crush you used to have on Harry, I'm sorry that I said you just settled for Merlin. I know that's not true, I know it. God I know how much you love him, and I don't think that he is second choice for you."

"I know, I know. And he sure as heck knows it too." Eggsy said. "You cut deep when you are drunk Roxy."

"Why I don't do it a lot." Roxy rubbed her eyes. "I know you love him. I bet almost as much as I love Sarah."

"I'd take that bet. Rox, you said to accept such a huge favour, such a huge gift from Harry you had to know if he ever did the same for me. Do you want to know?" Eggsy asked.

She shook her head. "That's your story, and I'm thinking a personal one, otherwise you would have told me by now. For a spy you can't really keep your mouth shut." She looked at him. "Eggsy?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Don't forgive me."

Eggsy laughed a little. "Okay?"

"Not yet, not all the way. Don't just let me off the hook because your heart is too damn soft and big and Hufflepuff-y. I did wrong, let me make it right, proper right." Roxy said.

Eggsy could understand that. "Okay, you are 38.4% forgiven for losing your goddamn mind then."

"Thanks. I need to go talk to my wife." Roxy stood. "How do I look?"

"Like shite."

"Yeah sounds about right." Roxy looked down at him. "I am sorry. For so many things. I just...I can't fail my family."

"Rox, they don't need you to be perfect, they just need you to hug them and try."

She nodded and left the room.

An hour later she had a Frappucino with triple caramel shot, just like Sarah had been craving. She knocked on her own door.

Sarah opened it.

"Can we talk babe?" Roxy asked. She held out the drink.

Sarah took it and gulped it down. "Dammit brain freeze."

Roxy pressed Sarah's temples, just like she did every time Sarah got brain freeze, which was every time she took a first sip of a frozen drink. "My magic hands will warm your brain up." She said, just like she had the first time it happened.

Sarah slid into a hug. "Don't run away." Sarah said.

"I won't. I'm here. I promise, I'm here." Roxy replied. "I'm always going to be here."

She felt a press, a thump. She lay her hand on Sarah's stomach. "Sorry little boy, Mama got stupid, but she's fixing it, promise." 


	49. Caring is Always an Advantage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said to knitter-eggsy-universe:  
> Can we get a chapter from Percival's POV? About the beginning of their relationship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever I twist it to my will. This is set about 9-10 years in the future when the Kingsman have taken over a teen Daisy's education.

The kingsman were to a man the most dangerous people in the world. And to a man they were all hiding in the garage well away from the school room where the loud music was deafening.

"Why can't I kill him?" Eggsy said. "I should be allowed to kill him."

"Being a wanker is not grounds for termination." Merlin said. Harry nodded. "We can though express our disappointment in his life choices and explain what happens if he were to go near our Daisy again." Q snuffled at Merlin's feet. "Oh go back to sleep, ye aren't exactly threatening these days." The dog was getting old and naps were his biggest priority. 

"I would think that the important thing would be to make sure that our Miss Daisy is alright isn't it?" Guinevere asked.

"I am not going in there. I tried she threw a paperweight at me. After this is done, I need to work on her aim with her. She missed by two inches." Harry said. His eyepatch had a broken heart on it.

"Shouldn't one of the ladies maybe go talk with her?" Sin asked. Several agents and mechanics nodded.

"Never been dumped." Both Pilar and the Durga said. "You don't send in a girl who's never had her heart broken by a boy." Pilar explained. "You go."

Allison shook her head. "She hates me."

Sin gave her a gentle kiss. "She doesn't hate you, just worries you are going to try to nanny her."

"She's still a child no matter what all of you seem to think." She glared at Gawain. "I know you've already been teaching her defensive driving. She needs a little nannying."

"She'll just claw your eyes out. Her hand to hand is coming along quite well." Tristan sounded so proud.

"Or for..." Guinevere threw up his hands and stalked out of the garage. "Children the lot of you."

He followed the noise through the estate until he reached the school room. He gave the door a polite knock which he knew wouldn't be heard. He then gave as hard a bang on it as he could.

"What?" Daisy snarled as she opened the door. "You're the one who drew the short straw?"

"I'm the one that chose to come. You have the others all hiding, it is impressive." Guinevere said. "A gentleman doesn't play their music this loudly." He just stood there and waited. Daisy went over and turned the music off.

She flopped on her couch. "So? Start the lecture then, better off, fish in the sea, not worth it, blah blah blah."

"It is entirely worth it." He replied as he sat in the chair most of them used when tutoring her. "It is your heart, why would I invalidate what it feels?"

Daisy paused. "Really? I'm a kid, lots of time and people out there."

"True, but that doesn't make the current pain less real." He said.

"Oh." Daisy looked at him. "You ever, you know had your heart broken?"

"Well the man I loved did get himself get cut entirely in half while on a mission and his body was never recovered. Does that count?"

Daisy's eyes widened. "Who was that?"

Guinevere smiled. "Lancelot. He died on the mission that brought the Lancelot you know to the table."

"That lead to my Galahad."

"It did." He smiled.

"But you love Arthur, you've always loved Arthur. You two are like soul mates and stuff." Daisy grabbed the pillow beside her and hugged it.

"No I didn't. First I loved James." He smiled fondly. "He was a hurricane. A menace, a flashy, perfect bomb of wit, talent, and charm. I never stood a chance. We had 13 years together before he was killed on a mission."

"But I mean you always had a secret crush on Arthur then?" Daisy was shocked by all of this.

Guinevere ran a hand through his thinning hair. "I hated the bastard." He grinned. "God I hated him."

"Really?" 

"Really. He sat at Arthur's left hand and could do no wrong, even when he did wrong. If James was wit and charm, he was even worse. Never seemed to understand the idea that we were a secret organization. I went on one mission with him. One, our skills didn't lend themselves to working together very often. I was on a hill waiting for him to guide the mark outside so I could take a shot and he actually went up to the man and said Hello I'm a super secret spy, here to insure that you die a painful and horrific death for the crimes you have committed you disgusting excuse of humanity."

Daisy burst out laughing. "Really?"

"Really."

"He's the reason so much of our gear has a damn logo on it. Kept telling Arthur a little symbolism and panache would do no harm." Guinevere shook his head. "Just the absolute worse. And then he brings in this brash chav of a candidate to replace my James, my Lancelot. Everyone else, except the then Arthur, brought in crap candidates so that my pick would become the new Lancelot. It was their tribute to our relationship. Only of course Harry brings in someone who can actually rival my Rox. And then everything played out as it did."

"They both made the table and Harry came back from the dead and became Arthur."

"I hated him even more for that. How could he come back when my James couldn't. The answer is of course, Harry Hart is invincible, or at least that is what he would tell you." Guinevere smiled. "The first year of him as Arthur, I demanded any and every mission that matched my skills and a few beside. I couldn't stand the sight of him. I...wasn't trying to kill myself, but I wasn't especially trying hard to live either."

Daisy felt her eyes well. "What happened?"

"Arthur did of course. I returned from a mission with a broken collarbone and woke to see him beside my bed. He just sat there reading my file. I've been at this job a while, it takes a good bit of time to read it." He laughed a little. "I told him to bugger off. I think he was quite shocked by my language. He closed the file and said  _you would be incredibly difficult to replace so stop being an idiot and start better staying alive_. And I just started yelling at him. Every thought I ever had of him, every resentment, how dare he keep coming back when James didn't, how dare he sit at the head of the table and be smug and flippant and think he had the right to order me about. Thirty minutes I just went off on him."

"That's insubordination." Daisy said.

"Indeed. And at the end of my rant all he said was,  _I'm sorry_. That's it. All he said. He stood and gave me a head nod and left." Guinevere looked at her. "First time I had ever heard those words. That is not an exaggeration - he had never once apologized to anyone besides Merlin ever. It shouldn't have been that simple, but him saying that, no excuses, no Harry Hart rambling, just a simple apology, eased something in my heart. I healed, took a few months off and returned to a more normal work schedule, was more careful on the job."

"How does that equal marriage though?"

"On the third anniversary of James's death, I found myself walking about the city after hours of knitting. I was just so lost and somehow I found myself on Arthur's doorstep." Guinevere was lost in memories. "And he let me in. It was the quietest I could ever remember him being, he truly listened to me. And I stayed the night." He held up a hand. "A guest bedroom, he is a gentleman after all. I didn't know he was so capable of comfort, I hadn't seen that maybe he was just a little lost too. And we became friends and had dinner once a week. It anchored us both. And there was a night when Eggsy was Eggsy and opened Arthur's eyes and he asked me on a date. And when he did I almost turned him down. I was scared you know."

"Scared of what?" Daisy asked quietly. This was better than any romance book she ever read.

"Change. We had just settled into a good pattern, one I had become accustomed to. To add romance to the mix, could have destroyed everything. And I was worried it would mean a return to bold and charming Harry, not the quiet man I had come to know. But then I saw...he was terrified. When James had first asked me out, he was sure, confident, oozing sexuality. This is something Arthur has naturally. But here Arthur was, terrified to be asking me out. Me. This beautiful, impossible man brought to fear that I might say no. So I said yes." Guinevere held out his hands, "And here we are. I'm married to that beautiful, impossible man. And love him very much, more than I knew I could feel."

"When did you know, that you loved him?"

"When he blew up a gift I left him when he lead an assault on a base to recover me on a mission, when he let me do things that you are too young to know about, when he wouldn't let the Dread Pirate Mewttins kill me in my sleep, when we said our vows, when he lead me on a game of tag through the whole of Japan, when he bought me my fifth spinning wheel, when he brought me tea in bed this morning. There was never a Oh My God I Love Harry Hart moment, my girl, it was sort of a saunter vaguely downwards until I realized that he was just lodged in my heart and never going to leave. It changes, deepens every day. I'm sure though, he would have a much more dramatic interpretation of it all, you should ask him sometime."

"Galahad's told me some stories. He's a dork for you. Like a complete and totally whipped dork."

Guinevere smiled. "He is. But then so to am I for him."

"You aren't ever a dork, you're too cold." Daisy clapped a hand over her mouth. "I don't mean it like that."

"I know. I'm quiet, patient, stern to some. But trust me, I am just as sunk."

"Caring hurts." Daisy said quietly.

"Yes it does, it hurts so much, a thousand cuts every day." He agreed.

"But you still do it. Why?"

"Because," Guinevere leaned in, "Because my dear, him loving me, me loving him, makes me mighty. Makes me goddamn Superman. The right love, even when it destroys you builds you back up, makes you everything and anything. The right love never holds you back, makes you less. The right love, the right person reshapes your whole world and it is a better one for it."

Daisy nodded. "He didn't do any of that. He didn't even buy me the right flavour of crisps."

"Well then, you are indeed well shot of him." Guinevere smiled. "Arthur likes salt and vinegar. Disgusting."

Daisy laughed. They heard a knock on the door and Arthur's voice rang through. "Daisy if you have killed my husband I will be very cross. There will be an essay and much running around the obstacle course. I just have him broken in you know. Also I don't know how to work our tv remote. You better not have taken away my ability to watch tv, there is going to be a regeneration of Doctor Who soon, I can feel it in my bones."

Guinevere rolled his eyes. "Dear lord, I do love the idiot."

Daisy smiled. "I want that one day."

Guinevere went over and kissed her head. "I promise, you will have it."

And Daisy knew, Guinevere's promises were never broken.


	50. Twitch's BFF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Pet POV.
> 
> Bors bought Twitch a turtle as a pet for Valentine's Day. The turtle is named Jasper and lives in the garage at the estate, since Twitch spends most of his time at work because being chief mechanic for the Kingsman is awesome.
> 
> So turtle POV. Very short. Very silly.

Jasper stared at the huge new tank that was his home. He moved his head to his new owner.

_If you try to feed me pizza, I will bite and pee on you_. He really hated TMNT - all turtles did. He didn't seem to have a mind meld with the man yet. 

"I don't suppose you'd ever let me take a photo of you with a slice of pizza?" 

Jasper peed on him.

*********************************************

Jasper sat in his tank, which was comfortable and tacky and was wheeled out into the hanger. It was huge.

_If you take me out of here you will suffer._ Still no mind meld.

"Come on buddy! Bet you'll love sitting on the dash of this beauty while I give her a systems check!" 

Jasper bit the finger that came into his tank.

*********************************************

Jasper stared at the Rolls Royce. Clearly its spark plugs were shot.

_Check the plugs or I will make things difficult._ Why wasn't his human mind melding yet? It was very frustrating.

"Just need to go over the break lines Jasper, just about all done."

Jasper "slipped" off the engine and into the bowels of the bonnet area. It took Twitch an hour to get him out.

*********************************************

Jasper looked at the person who had bought him. He was making Twitch upset.

_I'll look after you, if your one person won't._ Jasper's eyes popped. Twitch had looked at him, maybe the mind meld was finally happening. Oh, no it was just a glance.

"No, I know you have to do your job, just first time you've gone since we started being an us. Just a little nervous." 

After the other human left, Jasper slowly crawled on the desk, rested his head on Twitch's finger. Rubbed.

*********************************************

_Yo I'll tell you want I want, what I really really want_

_So tell me what you want, what you really really want_

_I'll tell you want I want, what I really really want_

_So tell me what you want, what you really really want_

"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha." Twitch sang. He looked at Jasper. "Dammit, I said I was sorry I forgot to leave your lamp on - why you have to put that earworm in my head? I'll be singing it for a week."

Ahhhh, mind meld successfully achieved. Jasper happily ate his leafy greens that Twitch had brought him.

 


	51. Scavenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet the first group of Candidates since Eggsy and Roxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have what is going to be a nice long and fun chapter since it is the proper 50th chapter (chapter 19 is the blog announcement) go back to chapters 1 and 2 where I talk about this being a small exercise. Snort.
> 
> So lots of OCs here, only two of whom will actually remain relevant and this chapter allows me to explore one of my absolute favourite tropes -- people not realizing that Eggsy is in fact a Kingsman agent (we can get away with it because the candidates are forbidden from talking about who nominated them). Plus I love stories within stories.
> 
> Welcome the return of Gemma

Merlin stood in front of the nine candidates, two already gone in a just a couple weeks. It was going about how he expected - half the group would be shed quickly and then it was going to take a long time to eliminate the rest. Right now his gut told him the final three would be Galahad, Lamorak, and in a turn of events Bors's candidates.

They stood in a row in front of him, just a little nervous. Good, they were starting to truly realize the seriousness of what was going on.

"Tonight ladies and gentlemen - ye are going on a scavenger hunt." Merlin smiled and the candidates looked even more nervous. Well except Gemma, she smirked a little and Merlin wondered what Eggsy and Jamal had taught her about light fingers over the years. "This is about stealth and teamwork. Ye will be split into three teams of three and given a list. All the items can be found in the estate building itself. The entire building barring the chemical lab and gun range are open to this task. The items are rated in terms of difficulty of gathering. Ye are also expected to have a certain amount of stealth in this. Do try not to be seen too much. Gemma, Aidan, and Craig are team one, Shauna, Brandon, and Tim are team two, May, Jesse, and Seamus are team three."

"Why that configuration sir?" Gemma asked. Merlin smiled, she constantly asked questions, the others thought she was doing it to be a smart ass, but Merlin knew she was trying to figure out how it all worked. Eggsy had told him she liked to try and 'see the matrix.'

"Because I have ye all personally ranked in my mind, that set up has one each from the top, middle, and bottom of my ranking, to make it relatively fair. Ye can have a grand time trying to guess which you are. Now here is a map of the building and a copy of the list. One list and map per team and if ye ever separate more than 10 metres from the others in your unit ye are disqualified, if another team sees you, ye are disqualified. There are thirty things on the list and ye have four hours to collect the items at which time ye will be in my office for me to count up your points, if ye are even ten seconds late ye are disqualified." Merlin smiled at them. "Oh and the entire of the staff knows this is going on and is allowed to make the gathering of the items difficult if they so choose. Have fun!" Merlin said cheerfully as he walked out of the room. "Time begins in 5 minutes. I will be watching."

Merlin went back to his office and turned on all the internal monitors, the staff and agents were all aware and looking forward to the exercise - it was a new one that Merlin had designed, mainly to amuse himself. He watched as the three teams went off and running. It seemed Gemma had convinced her team to head to the furthest point and work their way back. Team 2 had headed upstairs, and it looked like Team 3 was going for the easy finds in the areas they already knew.

After an hour, all the teams had a few items, Gemma's team seemed a bit in the lead and headed for the garage. They were also the ones not bickering mainly because he was pretty sure the two men with her were right proper scared of her. Team two was headed for the kennels, he switched his camera view and saw his husband giving Q and JB baths, and was in fact more wet than the dogs. Interestingly, team three was headed for the agent offices, something neither of the other teams had tried yet. Merlin thought it safe to fetch himself a cuppa.

But he should have known that would be when things went to shit.

"Merlin?" PIlar's voice came through the glasses. It was her I want to panic but I'm hanging on by a thread. "We might have a situation." Merlin heard a loud yell. "Correction we do have a situation. Hit the lock down button!" Pilar roared. Merlin knew he had a minute and he was in the bloody kitchen. He tore out the door and busted into one of the offices in the hall, just as the alarms sounded and all doors in the building went into full shut down. No one would be leaving the room they were locked in for the next hour.

"Pilar you damn well better have a very good explanation." Merlin said. He looked around, it was Sin's office. He fired up the computer and logged himself in. He started looking at camera feeds. And the...four roombas roaming the halls. "Pilar, I'm guessing that wasn't just to help our cleaning staff."

"Um...no. You see on Bors's last mission -"

"No, just no. I can hear the explanation later, when it is less likely to cause a Bors size stroke. Why did the roombas warrant full lock down?"

"They have a knock out gas in them and the triggers aren't calibrated correctly. Any person comes within 5 metres they release. It's Lab Rat's gas 7a3ch."

"Has anyone been hit?" 

"Two of my staff. Plus side the green staining of the skin is a much prettier shade than it was before."

"So we shoot them." Merlin said, and then he remembered that it was Bors's idea. "How many explosives are they rigged with?"

"Shit ton is the scientific term sir." Pilar said.

"Suggestions?" Merlin said. He looked at the camera feeds to find where the candidates were locked in. Agents and staff were well prepared for these sorts of situations. 

"Actually all the adjustments I made and how long we have been tinkering, the batteries should be dead within the hour, roughly around when the lock down will release unless it is overridden." Pilar explained. "I owe you a pint?"

"You owe me five." Merlin said. He looked at the cameras. "Oh god one of the candidate teams is lock down with Percival and Arthur."

"Oh. Oh dear." Pilar started praying in Spanish. The wedding was in a week and they were both either horny and cranky. "I...am sorry Merlin."

"I know. See to your team and write up your report." Merlin signed off without waiting for a response. He put all three teams onto his screen.

Team three were in the meeting room with Harry and Michael.

Team two were in the kennels with Eggsy.

Team one were in the garage.

Merlin made all those screens smaller and pulled up WoW, he might as well have some fun while stuck, not like he could do much to help the candidates anyways.

**Team One**

"Well crap." Twitch said as he door shut and locked him into his office. He stared at Jasper in his tank. "No I didn't do this. When is a lock down ever my fault?" He picked up his phone and texted all his men. Two were outside the building and had immediately gone to the garden bunker until given the all clear. One was on vacation and another had medical appointments which meant the only other person who should be in the garage was...

"Hi boss! My first not practice lock down this is so exciting, felt much more dramatic when it's the real thing." 

...Mikey.

"Have you followed protocols Mikey?" Twitch asks.

"Yup three of the candidates are skulking around in the shadows, trying to figure out if this is a part of their scavenger hunt. Should I let them know what is going on, or let them be stealthy a little more? I think they are having fun and I wouldn't want to wreck that. Although they are supposed to scavenge a hood ornament from a car worth at least six figures and something that belongs to Jasper and I don't know, I don't feel like fixing it when the scuff or scrape one of these beauties. I mean I understand why Merlin set a test like this, and things would be different if you were out here too, but still the garage is a little dark and I don't want one of the candidates to hurt themselves on anything. Bad form for the newbies to get hurt. Do they get worker's comp? I mean the training -"

Twitch watched the girl in her jumpsuit move up behind Mikey who was happily rambling. He pointed just out of her line of sight and Mikey smiled that one smile he had that he seldom let slip. The one that was behind all the dopey affable friendly Mikey, the one that showed he might be the most junior mechanic, but he was still a Kingsman.

Gemma went to swing the tire iron she had picked up and was stunned when the guy who had been going on and on spun and caught it without a flinch. Sure he was taller than her, but all guys were, most girls were too. But he wasn't muscled like the other mechanic had looked or that athletic cut thing like Eggsy had. Frankly he looked like a kid.

"It's physics and momentum." Mikey explained.

"Wot?" Gemma said.

"I didn't stop it in its tracks, I let it hit but sort of let my hand go back with it just a little. Looks good, but lessens the impact against me." Mikey said. "Plus you kept the angle side up, adds weight which if hits gonna hurt more, but also slows the hit down." Mikey said. "Also the two who are trying to sneak over, you kind of suck at stealth. Merlin should work on that with you more." One of them knocked over a toolbox.

Gemma sighed. "Berk." It was not hard to figure out that Aidan was the weak link in their group. "So agent?" She could hear the older man laugh through the door.

"Oh gosh no, I could never kill anyone. Nope ma'am, I am the newest mechanic. Going to work my way up though, slow and steady. One day gonna have Twitch's job. I mean long time from now, after he retires at a ripe old age. Although it might not be so old, with his new relationship that much awesome might kill him earlier. Not that I want him dead or anything, more that dying in Bors and Pilar's bed would be the way to go. Not that I can really do polyamorous, really a one girl guy me, but I respect the choices other people make."

"He's giving me a headache." Craig said.

"Is this like a torture technique?" Gemma asked.

"Huh?" Mikey asks.

"No." Twitch calls out through his door. "That's just how he is. There have been Disney woodland creatures less happy than him. He had what you call a stable and well adjusted middle class upbringing. Apparently those really do exist."

"Hey I'm sad and serious sometimes." Mikey protested.

"You found an upside to the Black Plague in a conversation once."

"Mum always says even in the darkest corners you can find light." Mikey said. He turned to the girl. "I'm Mikey by the way. Pleased to meet some candidates. First group since I've been here, first group since -"

"Mikey they don't know shit about the table except the one that brought them here." Twitch said. "So shut it."

"Right, right." Mikey said. "So what to know what's going on or you just want to try to hit me again?" He sighed. "Oh and you idiot that's not how you take an ornament off a BMW and also a BMW where there is a vintage Triumph bike and a bloody Grey Ghost in here - come on man aim a little higher."

"Fucking Berk. So much for those stealth bonus points." Gemma said. "Merlin will have seen that."

"Maybe, unless he got too busy playing Warcraft. On lock down if it isn't a direct threat he tends to play Warcraft."

"Jesus Mikey shut up." Twitch groaned.

Gemma smiled a little. "I know about the Warcraft. E-" she quickly shut her mouth.

"You belong to Galahad." Mikey said. "He's got 50 pounds riding on you making the final five."

Gemma looked at him. "Really?" She thought Eggsy had picked her because he didn't have anyone else. "I'm not as strong as some of the others, lots have fancy ass degrees, I clean bedpans and ain't never held a gun." She said it quietly.

"Guns can be taught. People sit at the table who are not the best shots ever, more to the job than that." He looked over at the two. "One of them will be out before the wedding, the other a month at most. You? You're going to last."

"How do you know?" Gemma asked.

"Well apparently I'm quite clever. Just got sorted into Ravenclaw you know. By our most trusted Harry Potter authority."

Gemma laughed at that. "Who's that then? The cook or the housekeeper for this place?"

"Actually it would be the field agent who has the highest kill count in the entirety of the Kingsman history." Twitch called out. "And it looks like we have 40 more minutes of lock down, take the flirting elsewhere. And stop those two idiots from damaging my garage! I'm going to listen to music with Jasper, try to get him off his Spice Girls kick." Twitch thumped away from the door.

Gemma asked, "Jasper?"

"His pet turtle. He really likes the Spice Girls."

"Is this place really spies or a nutter house?"

Mikey grinned. "We're all mad here." He tried for an evil laugh, but it came out a little too cheerful.

"Brilliant." Gemma said. She looked over at her teammates. "Oh for, that's a fucking Audi, at least go for the goddamn Ferrari. Jesus."

"Totally making it to the end you are ma'am." Mikey said.

"Gemma." she said before walking over to corral her idiot teammates. 

 

**Team Two**

Eggsy was watching the three candidates trying to find a scavenger item when the siren went off and the door made it the lock down noise. They looked ready to panic so he moved forward a little. "Hey guys, it's a lock down." He watched them try to size him up, in his filthy track suit and wet t-shirt. Q and JB were hanging out by his side. He saw all three make the assumption that he worked at the kennels. He figured it should be fun. He called into Merlin and in between hearing Merlin yell at Warcraft he got the explanation. Death roombas. God he loved working here. He went down the long hall to where the kennel master was soothing a couple of the dogs. "I'll deal with the candidates, you can stay back here." He knew the kennel master wasn't the best with strangers. He nodded and went back to cuddling Hiccup who had just been fixed.

Eggsy went back to the candidates. "So you three are them that's trying to sit at the table?" He couldn't resist and put his accent on thick. "Who proposed you then?"

"If you work here, even in a minor capacity you would know that we aren't supposed to discuss who proposed us." The girl said. They way she said it made Eggsy smile, she sounded exactly like Roxy. Posh schools teaching women to talk alike. Silly.

"Fair enough, can't blame a guy for wanting to kill the time with conversation. That was the alarm for a one hour lock down." Eggsy explained. "So we got to sit tight and I don't even have a pack of cards." At the words sit tight Q sat down nicely and once he did, JB did too. "Good dogs."

Brandon looked at them. "Who are these two fine fellows?"

"The is JB, he's Galahad's dog and Q is Merlin's." Eggsy explained.

"May I?" Brandon asked. Merlin had said that Lamorak's candidate was big on the dogs, showed a grace in training his animal. 

"Of course. You're Brandon - one with the German Shepherd right?"

"Nellie." Brandon said. He held out a hand and JB went to lick it.

"Yeah, she's a good dog." JB and Q gave him a look. "Oh shut it you two, just because I call another dog good, don't mean I love you two any less." Eggsy sat on the ground and JB crawled into his lap, Q lay down next to him. "So anything you three want to know about Kingsman? Looking for some hot gossip - trust me I know it all."

"Any attractive ladies for a bloke to get on with? Sorts who like dangerous spies?"

"Bruv, most of the ladies who work here are 10 times more dangerous than the blokes." Eggsy laughed. "Lock down is apparently because the head of R&D tried to make death roombas as a gift for her husband."

"Death roombas?" The guy sounded nervous.

"Beats when Lab Rat made flubber." Eggsy said. "The Boss Man gives our nerds a lot of leeway. Like the time Merlin almost destroyed all the worlds computers because he tried to run three different games of Warcraft at the same times. It were almost like that movie from the 80s. Shite what was it, Wargames that's it." Eggsy grinned. "Working here is serious business but also absurd."

"Do the proper Kingsman know that the rest of the staff treat this as a bit of a joke?" The girl said. Ah, shame, Roxy's candidate has a bit of a stick up her bum. Won't make it in the new order with that.

Eggsy looked at her. "Anyone who works for the Kingsman is a proper Kingsman." He said.

"Yes, but she means the ones who really matter." Tim added. "You know, the ones who are really out there."

"The ones on the front lines are only as good as those behind them." Brandon said. "My mentor said that."

"Did he now?" Eggsy asked. "I don't know him that well, he's a little more...distant than some, but he's a good man. Obsessed with music."

Brandon smiled. "He gave me three playlists when he dropped me off." Brandon looked at the other two. "We're going to lose this task."

"We got a couple of the big ticket items." The girl complained.

"We missed the point of the exercise. We got so focused on the numbers, the tally, we missed the big picture. This was about learning the building for a future challenge."

Eggsy smiled. Oh yes this guy was going to go far.

"Clever." He said.

"Oh please, you probably think someone who does 10th form maths clever." Tim sneered. Shauna giggled a little.

"He has three weapons on him." Brandon said.

"And how do you know that bruv?" Eggsy asked.

"JB moved your pant leg there, saw the hint of the knife."

"That's one."

"You had clearly been washing dogs, but didn't take your watch off. That's an expensive looking watch, and it's more than it looks."

"That's two."

Brandon smiled sheepishly. "Not a clue, just assumed that if a guy had two weapons on him to wash dogs, he probably had three."

Eggsy laughed. "You ain't wrong."

"So everyone here is armed a little, not that surprising." Shauna scowled. She didn't like that she missed that.

"Suppose not." Eggsy agreed. "You would have fit in with the last training group, lots of snobs in that one." Tim laughed at that. "Lots of idiots too." Eggsy added.

"The last training, that was Galahad and Lancelot." Brandon said. "Merlin showed us video feed from Galahad's glasses. We never saw them, it was all through their eyes. It was terrifying - is it always like that for the agents?"

"No." Eggsy sighed. "And yes." He looked at them. "The job is a lot of hurry up and wait. And thinking on your feet. And praying. So much praying, that you do the job, that you make it home, that you make it home in one piece. That Merlin knows something you don't so that when you are in a blind corner that there is a way out. That Pilar's latest gadget matches the specs because if it don't those 20 guys chasing you are going to get you, that the mechanics dimed the cars as much as they said, because you need to get gone now. You pray you saved the world or at least a corner of it, that should you die, your death meant something in that moment, and you pray that your husband knows how much you love him and that he turns off the comms before he hears your death even though you know he won't." Eggsy looked at them. "Didn't believe in God a bit before coming to the Kingsman, don't know if I believe now in Him, but I do hope there is someone, something out there listening."

"Shit." Brandon said. The other two nodded.

"Still want the job?" Eggsy asked.

"Yeah." Brandon said. "You sit at the table."

"I do." Eggsy grinned. "Good rule, never assume or underestimate the person in front of you."

"You sit at the table and are married to Merlin." Brandon pushed.

"Yup."

Shauna looked at him. "Bet he's super repressed." She said.

"Oh girl, don't let your anger that you didn't see me properly cloud your judgement. That's the wrong thing to say entirely." Eggsy said. "And entirely a wrong guess." Eggsy's grin turned wicked. "You wish you could have as good as him." Eggsy looked at the three of them who were all staring at him with a mix of awe and confusion. "Wanna hear about the time I had break into a convent in Brazil and fight 10 jiu jitsu expert mother superiors? It's only partially a lie. We'll have fun you guessing what is truth and lie."

Eggsy spun his absurd tale while waiting for the doors to open.

**Team three**

"The table should be round." Jesse said. He looked at it. "Why isn't the table round?"

"Shut it. We're locked in and that is your big concern?" Seamus asked.

"Well it is a valid concern. These people are the best of the best and they can't even get the right table? I mean every movie gets it right. Well not Sword in the Stone but that is an origins tale more than anything, no table yet." Jesse said. "Table should be round."

"It is difficult to build a meeting room to hold a round table large enough for the knights and their king." A voice said. All three candidates jumped.

The man in the eye patch came through a small panel in the wall, adjusting his tie. "Now then how may I help you?"

"We're locked in sir." May said. She stared at the eye patch. She caught a movement behind the gentleman and there was another man. "Do you know what happened?"

"R&D had an experiment go awry, the hallways are not currently safe. We are all locked down until such time that they are safe again." He smiled. "I'm Harry. This is Michael, he's in a strop and not talking to me right now." 

The three candidates looked at the man who was glaring and flipped Harry off. 

Harry grinned. "No seriously, he's taken a vow of silence until I agree with him."

"Aren't you guys in your fifties?" May asked.

Michael leveled a dangerous gaze on her.

"Oh dear, now you've made him mad. He's not even fifty yet." Harry said. He gave Michael a shoulder squeeze. "You know you are the prettiest of them all." Michael rolled his eyes. He looked at the three in the room. He held up two colour samples. One was a very very bright teal, the other a slightly shimmery navy. He held forth one and then the other.

"You are fighting over those colours?" Seamus asked.

"Indeed we are. Our wedding is in just a week and we have everything buttoned down except the table linens. Why this is a sticking point I have no idea. The teal is bold and charming and will look nice and contrasty against the wood of the library where we are getting married."

Seamus and May both said, "The navy." Michael looked smug.

"I like the teal." Jesse said. "It's fun isn't it? Cheerful, reminds you you are at a party and not a funeral."

Harry smiled delighted. "Well spotted, clearly a mark of a man of refined tastes."

Michael went back to glaring at Harry. 

"Darling, love of my life, it is a poor attempt to get to me, I'll just annoy you until you yell at me, or suck your cock until you yell at me for an entirely different reason. Either way you'll talk before you want. Give up with dignity." Harry said.

"The navy has dignity, the teal is what a girl wears on a street corner!" Michael yelled. "It's the College of Physicians, not a circus tent that we are getting married in."

"Come on, it is a fun colour."

"It is an eyesore."

"You are boring."

"And you are a drama llama."

"Adding a little drama and flair to the event is hardly a bad thing." Harry protested.

"You are one of the grooms! That is all the drama and flair we need. And I know you and Eggsy have plans, don't think I don't."

"I admit nothing."

"You'll admit everything when I have you tied up and over my knee Dadddy." Michael growled.

"I think they forgot we are here." Jesse tried to whisper. May and Seamus nodded. Jesse moved around the table a little and tried to grab one of the whiskey glasses for their scavenger hunt.

"Put that back." Harry said without looking.

"How did you even see that, you only have one eye and I'm on your blindside." Jesse complained.

"Reflection in the window pane there." Michael said. "Know your surroundings better before you try to extract anything."

"Yes sir." Jesse said. "By the way, that's a lovely eye patch, the pattern is?"

"It's a sitting duck, sort of what you three are like right now." Harry said. "You didn't ask who we were, why we had access to this space. You took us at our word on the lock down. We could have killed all three of you by now because you didn't think beyond what was right in front of you."

The three candidates started to back away a little, but Jesse angled himself so he was slightly protecting the others. "Well aren't you intriguing?" Harry said. "It would be a poor showing if I harmed any of you, even if two of you have horrible taste in colour schemes."

"Royal purple." Jesse blurted out. "A rich purple nice compromise isn't it?"

"Interesting." Harry said.

"And appropriate." Michael replied. "Very well, purple for when the king weds. Now then, lock down is still for 25 more minutes and I plan to use them. Excuse us candidates." Michael gave them a nod and turned and picked Harry up to take them back through the wall.

Harry gave the candidates a small wave. The panel slid shut.

The three stared at the wall as they heard a loud moan. "You'd think they'd make a panic room sound proofed." Jesse said surprised. He went back to get the glass. The panel opened. "No." Harry said, his head popping out, shirt already askew. He was pulled back in.

The three of them sat at the table and waited for the lock down to be done, desperately trying to ignore the noises they were hearing.

"Wait," May said stunned. "Royal is appropriate for when a king weds. Jesus the guy who liked the navy was Arthur."

Jesse looked at her, "Nah, love, got that wrong. Harry is Arthur." The doors unlocked and Jesse bolted over grabbed the whiskey glass and took off running.

******************************

Merlin met the candidates back at their room after the lock down. "I apologize that your exercise was so interrupted - we'll not count the score of the hunt, so long as ye can tell me one thing ye learned in the experience. And remember I was watching."

"No you weren't you were playing Warcraft. Your husband said." Tim smirked. "And he said he sat at the table but come on, he was lying right, I mean fighting 10 mother superiors with kung fu action grip? He made that up."

Merlin sighed. "Of course he did. There were only 7. Agent Galahad does like to spin a tale."

"That was Galahad?" Tim paled and Shauna gulped a little. 

"Aye, and I can play Warcraft and watch ye disrespect our staff at the same time. Which earns two of ye extra time of the obstacle course. Good eye Brandon, though the third weapon was the spare knitting needle in the back of his jeans that he found." Brandon nodded.

"And team one - what did ye learn?"

"That these two idiots know shite all about what cars are worth." Gemma said.

"Yeah well we can't all have stolen a bunch like you." Craig muttered. "Also Gemma likes the idiot mechanic who never shuts up."

Merlin looked at him and Craig withered under the stare. "Gemma was the only one to actually try something. Ye were happy enough for her to take the risks. And Twitch never hires idiots. Test to test I guarantee Mikey outshines ye in everything except guns."

"And you don't need a gun to be a brilliant agent." Gemma said.

"That is right." Merlin agreed. "And the two of ye who couldn't figure out what car to steal from, you'll be spending a day in the garage, learning all about cars. It will be fun." It would not be fun, he would tell Twitch to make their lives hell.

"Finally team three, what did ye learn?"

"Arthur is a bottom." Jesse said. 

Merlin groaned and hung his head. 

"Do the Kingsman retain any dignity at all after this?" He asked.

"Actually I think all of you are even more terrifying now." Gemma said slowly. "Because all this, this crazy, this is madness and I think I heard someone say the words death roombas? If in all this you guys manage to stop the bad guys and save the world - Jesus you are scary fuckers then."

All the candidates nodded in agreement.

"Well that's something then. Free time for the rest of the night." Merlin said. "Fall out candidates." 

Merlin left the candidates, he had a lot of people to yell at.


	52. Crack in the System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set about 12 or so years in the future.
> 
> sorry my kid woke me up way too early and I suffer and you suffer

Guinevere hates Monte Carlo. It was hot, it was flashy, and just far too much. The cut of the suits were just atrocious, all the look at my money was just deplorable. And he knew he was being cranky. He hadn't been sleepy well and had just been a little grumpy. He didn't want to admit that Harry was right and that he was having a few issues with having turned sixty last month. But it seemed Harry was right. He gave the spot over his heart a small rub, aging meant heartburn, he was going to have to dial back the heat on his curry. That made him even more grumpy.

He readied his rifle, and tracked his mark out at the cafe. He had a few minutes as he was supposed to kill the man just as he was getting into his car and he was a creature of habit. 20 minutes to drink his coffee and then another 5-7 to finish the chapter he was reading and the last sip of coffee had been taken.

Guinevere held his rifle steady even though he could feel himself start to sweat just a little, which was odd in such a temperature controlled room. He could feel his fingers want to tremor but he didn't let them. And then he realized that it wasn't grumpiness, it was symptoms.

He tapped the side of his glasses. "Gawain, I will not make it to the extraction point where you are waiting. I will require your assistance."

"I can be there in 12 minutes." Gawain said.

"If you could shave a few minutes off that, it would be appreciated." Guinevere said. He signed that call off and patched into Merlin. "Merlin, taking the shot within 4 minutes. Will not make the extraction point, Gawain is coming to retrieve me."

"Have you been spotted?" Merlin asked calmly, already tracking Gawain's movements towards Guinevere.

"No, patch Arthur in as well please." Percival said. "Mark is packing up, shot in less than 3 minutes."

"Understood. Guinevere I need to know the nature of the problem." Merlin asked.

"Arthur here." Harry interjected. "Is there a problem with the mission."

"No Arthur, shot within 2 minutes." Percival took a breath and released the safety on his rifle. "However I do seem to be suffering a heart attack and wanted to tell you that you are the love of my life and every single day with you has been a treasure. 30 seconds." Guinevere said and then he took the shot. "Target successfully acquired." God the rifle was so heavy. He carefully put it down, taking apart what he needed to and putting it in the case. He then sat on the floor. "Now that I can focus, this rather hurts a lot."

"Agent can you make the door?" Merlin asked.

"Negative." Guinevere said. "Things are looking a little swimmy. The floor is comfortable."

"Crawl." Harry said. "Then you fucking crawl to the door agent. You will not hinder your fellow agent more than you have to." His voice was hard.

"Yes sir." Guinevere said. He crawled slowly over to the door and managed to unlock it and open it, sat himself in the door frame. His breathing was so laboured. "There, at the door sir."

"Good agent." Harry said. Merlin was typing away contacting the local hospital and arranging for Guinevere's admittance as a business man. 

"Gawain 2 minutes out." Merlin said. "He'll get there and to the hospital faster than an ambulance would."

"Agent help is on the way. You will stay conscious and you will not die." Harry said sternly. His fists were clenched hard enough that his nails were drawing blood.

"Arrived." Gawain called out and he began storming the steps.

"Harry," Guinevere's voice was so thin. "It has been my pleasure to serve at your side." There was nothing else.

"Gawain report." Merlin said.

"I have him he's passed out. Moving to the car." They could hear the heft of Gawain lifting his fellow agent.

"I will clear a way but you are giving free rein to drive how so ever you need to get to the hospital at these co-ordinates."

"Understood." Gawain said. He was already peeling out.

In less than 10 minutes Gawain was at the doors of the hospital where a doctor was waiting. Gawain stayed in the waiting room. "Orders?" He asked quietly.

Harry walked out of Merlin's office. 

"Stay put until relieved. White Hart on the loose." Merlin said. He closed the comms and said a prayer.

*******************************

He felt so tired and so sore as he awoke. His vision was a little foggy and his mouth felt vile. He turned his head a little and smiled.

"White Hart on the loose." He tried to say but it came out as a rough rasp.

Harry's eyes snapped open. "Agent Guinevere you are never allowed to scare those who are in charge of the table like that again. In fact this is it, death is forbidden. Off the table entirely - you are not allowed to die."

Guinevere smiled. "I apologize for causing problems Arthur."

"You bet your ass you do. And why didn't you start to move to the extraction point when you felt the symptoms? You could have shaved 4 or 5 minutes off the whole situation."

"I had a job to complete."

Harry growled a little. "The job is never more important than you."

"The job is always more important than the agent."

Harry stood and loomed over the hospital bed, his most fearsome face on. "Nothing,  _nothing_ is ever more important than you Agent Guinevere."

"Very well." He agreed but Harry didn't look appeased. "I am sorry, but I fear that this seems to indicate that I should retire from the table."

And Harry seemed to scowl even more. "Why? Because you had emergency bypass surgery?"

"That does put a bit of a damper on the job doesn't it?" 

"No." Harry crossed his arms. "You aren't retiring, you'll be bored within a month and then you and the Dread Pirate Mewttins will start plotting together and before I know it, you'll turn super villain."

Guinevere looked at his husband. "Well that is a little dramatic."

"You'll get a shark tank. I know it."

"I can't continue field work after this and you know it." He said quietly.

Harry sat on the edge of the bed. "I know." Harry's voice was equally quiet. "But I won't do this without you." Harry cupped his face. "Did you know that the paperwork is getting to me? Just exhausting, making those paper airplanes by myself. And Merlin is getting downright crotchety and difficult to deal with. I could use a more permanent figure at my side. I would ask that you stay, as my personal assistant. Guinevere sit properly beside Arthur at the table. We'll reinstate the name Percival and has a candidate training where you teach your skills." Harry looked at him. "Stay with me. You have to stay with me. Please." Harry was clearly talking about more than the job.

"Harry I promise to stay with you for as long as I am able." 

"Michael, give me a little more than that." Harry said. He leaned his forehead against his husband's. "I was so scared."

"Harry." Michael said quietly. "I am always and forever yours." He kissed his husband. "You know making me your assistant means I'll actually make you do your paperwork."

"I will. I'll do it all if you are there, every single piece of paper." Harry promised. 

"Now now Harry, you shouldn't lie to someone who almost died." 

Harry pinched him hard. "I told you, no dying. It is no longer an option for you. End of story."

"Okay then, no dying, and I will stay at your side." Michael agreed. 

"Good." 

"It is indeed."

Gawain caught their hug on his glasses and Merlin watching back home sighed in relief.

 


	53. Gifts that Keep Giving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy realizes that he and Merlin don't have a gift for the big wedding.
> 
> This is really short.

Eggsy woke up at 2am and tore down the halls of the estate to Merlin's office. He hadn't realized that Merlin basically moved in when a training was on and when his husband suggested he could stay at the house, well Eggsy made his opinion clear. Yarn stashes and dogs can always be packed up. Merlin was watching the candidates play a late night game of poker and didn't even react when Eggsy slid in dogs barking at his heals.

"They think Gemma is palming cards, but she's counting them."

"Yeah her Da taught her." Eggsy said idly.

"It is Bors's candidate who's palming them." Merlin added. "Want to tell me what has you freaked out? Bad dream?"

"No." Eggsy sat beside him. "The wedding is in three days. Do we have a wedding gift?"

Merlin scowled. "Of course we -" He blinked. "Don't. Well shite."

"Yup, do you want to live with a Harry we didn't get a gift for?" Eggsy asked. "Tristan and Liz gave them garden plans for their new place, Sin is doing the cake. Most everyone has idly mentioned what they are doing or giving them. And we got nothing." Eggsy sat and stared at the wall. "Harry will be sad and then Percival will kill us."

"Indeed. Let us go to bed and think." Merlin said. He opened the mics. "Since ye all feel so perky, how about you go run the obstacle course? And all that money just bet is going to charity. Thank you for donating to the NICU ward that I volunteer at. Move out candidates." Merlin held out a hand and he and Eggsy went to bed.

The next day, Merlin ignored his job - Harry's wedding gift was far more important. They sat in their room and brainstormed but everything felt to commonplace, too ordinary for Harry and their relationship with him.

Finally Eggsy threw up his hands in frustration. "Porn, we get them porn."

"No Eggsy." Merlin pinched his nose. "They've practically become porn stars here, doing it in Harry's office as much as Pilar and Bors get it on in that one supply room."

"Well, what about a dog for Percival? Balance out the Dread Pirate Mewttins."

"Percival swore never to get a dog again, after his died saving Percival's life." Merlin explained.

"Lifetime supply of lube?"

Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Well I don't know!" Eggsy was frustrated. "How do you get something that shows you understand how much your best friend is in love and support that love?"

Merlin tilted his head. "Thank ye Eggsy. You've come up with a splendid idea." He was utterly sincere.

"Wot's that?"

"The porn made me think of something." Merlin filled Eggsy in on his plan and Eggsy admitted it was a good one.

*******************

The morning after the wedding there was a brunch at the hotel the couple spent the night at and they opened their gifts with close family in attendance. 

They were pleased with everything they got, so much was for their new home together.

And then Merlin handed over a simple box. "Ye are a bloody nightmare to shop for."

Harry tore into the box with glee and paused when he saw a simple black leather binder, no special markers on the outside. He pulled it out of the box and opened it up.

And saw all the photos.

"I have cameras everywhere Harry. I thought ye might enjoy seeing what you looked like when ye fell in love."

Harry looked at the photos, all still shots from camera feeds from people's glasses, the cameras at the estate, even hacked CCTV footage from around London. All natural shots, all showing Harry and Michael fall in love. Michael rubbed Harry's back as Harry composed himself.

"It is a lovely gift Lachlan." Michael said.

"Yes." Harry coughed to cover his tears. "It will do." He flipped to the last page which had a photo from last night when Harry and Michael met at the front to say their vows. 

There was also a small envelope taped to the back.

"What's this?" Harry asked.

"Well Merlin's idea was brilliant but cost us like nothing because he just had that binder in the office. So you know - gift card to that sex shop you like that you pretend you don't." Eggsy said cheerfully.

Merlin groaned.

Harry blushed and Michael put the envelope in his pocket with a leer at his husband. "Thank you Eggsy, we'll make good use of this."

"Figured you would." Eggsy beamed. 

He and Merlin were a good gift giving team.


	54. The Nanny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set in the summer just a couple months in the future. (Jolene the head of Australian assistance is fancast as Lucy Lawless)

Harry sat up in bed at 3am. "We need a nanny."

Michael rolled over. "Go to sleep."

"But the Kingsman need a nanny and daycare." Harry said ready to get out of bed.

Michael wrapped an arm around Harry and tugged him back down. "Bors hasn't blown anything up in a month." He held Harry tight to keep him in bed.

"No, Sarah is due in like two weeks. We need a nanny." Harry flailed trying to get out of bed, Michael held him tighter. 

"Explain in the morning. Sleep now. Now nanny agencies are open anyways." Michael paused. "Oh, how do we go about getting a nanny?"

"See? This is a thing. Give me your glasses, I'm calling Merlin." Harry said. Michael didn't mention the phone that was right beside Harry. Instead he slid his hands lower to distract the man for a while. It worked - Harry held off bugging Merlin until 6am.

******************************

Merlin sat in Harry's office with a very large cup of coffee. "Eggsy has been away on a mission Harry. Ye have denied me cuddles. If this is not important ye will be reaping the whirlwind."

Harry paused. "Reaping the whirlwind?"

"A phrase he picked up while away."

"It's a good phrase." Harry nodded thoughtfully. "I like that - reaping the whirlwind. Catchy, rolls of the tongue, vague, could be silly or very menacing."

"Oh god lord Harry, focus!" Merlin snapped his fingers in Harry's face to bring him back.

"Right, we need a nanny."

"Bors hasn't blown anything up in a month." Merlin replied.

"Why is that the first response?" Harry wondered aloud. Merlin just shrugged. "No Sarah is due soon, and this is just the first baby, there will be more as more young agents come into the fold."

"So why are we providing? I thought Sarah was going to have maternity leave until she got restless, and then work from home for a fair bit and Roxy was going to take a couple months off?"

"And when they need some peace, when Sarah is busy and Roxy is on a mission, there is no back up, there should be back up." Harry said. "Having childminding services seems like a reasonable thing for us to have."

Merlin thought about it. "You aren't wrong."

"No Merlin, it is a good idea. Just think about -" Harry blinked. "Oh, you agreed with me. I didn't expect that so easily."

"Michelle, has me and Eggsy, but what if I were busy with work when her appendix burst last month? Sean hasn't even met Daisy yet and Daisy loves you but she wouldn't trust Daisy's care to you. A nanny on staff would have been a great option to have." Merlin paused. "But how do we hire one?"

"Like most of our support staff, we hold interviews and try to find the interesting one." Harry said.

"I'll look into agencies and we will begin interviews."

********************************

Three weeks later and Harry was very frustrated. He was slumped in the chair in his office above the tailors, tie askew. "Why do they all suck?"

Merlin was on the sofa. "I admit I dinnae think it would be this hard."

"They are all just so...perky." Harry said finally. "I don't mind young, we can hire young, but they were all so..."

"Earnest." Merlin said. "And not a one passed the how would you defend a baby's life question correctly. And the words nurturing environment have been ruined for me forever."

Harry's phone rang. "Yes?" He groaned. "Send her in in 5 minutes." He looked at Merlin. "Seems we have a late candidate."

Merlin sighed. "50 pounds if you scare her away in less than 10 minutes. I want a nap."

"Well let's break out the scary eye patch that had candidate 4 running." And Harry put on the blood splatter eye patch.

They opened the door. She was a little older than some of the other candidates, clearly not fresh out of school. "Hello I'm Harry Hart." Harry stood and came around the desk.

"Hello, sir, I'm Allison Kelly." She shook Harry's hand confident. Merlin just gave her a head nod, which she returned.

"Australian. Have you been in London long."

"48 hours. I came here for this job." She said.

Harry laughs. "Did we burn through all the options so thoroughly that an agency had to call in a person?"

"Something like that." She grinned. "Still a little jet lagged, so forgive any answers that sound barmy."

Harry sat behind his desk. "Age and Education."

"30 and I went to the University of Western Australia. Studied psychology and history."

"Experience with children?" Harry inquired.

"I have 5 younger siblings, I took care of them a lot, baby sat through most of school. Nannied for a family when I discovered there was fuck all for my degree that didn't bore the hell out of me."

Merlin and Harry perked up a little. "I'll show you a series of photos, you tell me what they make you think of."

"That's an outmoded and useless test." She replied.

"Indulge me." Harry holds up a photo of a nursery. "Pretty."

A magnum 37. "Boring and useless in a decent firefight." Merlin began to work furiously on his clipboard.

A ball of yarn. "Worsted weight, at least some alpaca in it."

A tea cozy. "Oh was that done in a therapy class, poor dear tried their hardest didn't they." Harry's jaw tightened - it was one of his. Merlin coughed to hide his laugh.

A man in a ski mask holding a knife. "Amateur. Easily neutralized with the way he's holding that."

A picture of Roxy and Sarah with Sarah's huge stomach. "Love. You can see their love." She looked at Harry. "Is that the baby I'll be helping with?"

"Perhaps. Say you had the baby out in a pram, and were approached for your bag, what would you do?"

Allison thought about it. "Throw the bag away from the baby and haul ass away."

"And if the robber made personal threats?"

"Neutralize, protect the baby at all costs." Allison's face was hard. "I protect my charges."

"Really what training do you have, a kick boxing class at the school gym?"

"No. He knows who really sent me by now."

Merlin smiled. "Aye. Jolene sent her. Seems Sin decided that our interviews were getting us nowhere and called in some help. The family she nannied for was Jolene's brother. Jolene has been training Allison for the last couple of years to be her assistant, but thought Allison would enjoy this more."

"Well that makes the what we really do talk easier."

Allison leaned forwards. "I will do a great job, here or at people's homes. I will protect my charges with my life and help everyone raise them to be great people. But you understand me on this -- I will not help out if you are just looking to have the next generation of Kingsman being prepped from the cradle. They are kids and get to be kids. They choose to come into this life that is fine, but it you think I'm going to push them there from the get go. Hire someone else. My charges will believe in hope and magic. No gun training, no extreme fighting techniques, innocence for as long as possible, or I'll light you all on fucking fire."

Merlin and Harry grinned at each other. 

"Welcome to the Kingsman Allison."

She smiled back. "Show me where I get to design a space."

Merlin and Harry took to the estate to settle in.


	55. Origin Story Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We begin to add in some stories of how other agents came to the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This moves back in time almost right to the beginning, before Merlin and Eggsy were dating, so about 3-4 months after the events of the movie.
> 
> This is about Taliesin, or Sin, who at that point had still been Ector the man responsible for long term seduction missions.

Eggsy and Ector sat in the park playing chess. Ector was still learning the movements of the girl who was his next mission. She was a runner and Ector was trying to get her schedule down. Eggsy looked around the park, only a few spots where you could see the damage. England had decided to make the parks among the first cleanup zones, that people needed some beauty to get through.

Ector moved his knight. "Can't believe I have to pretend to be a runner. Why couldn't she do yoga or judo or swimming. I like swimming." He muttered. His voice was a little flat, he was coming off a cold. It made his accent stronger.

Eggsy looked at him. "Hey, bruv, question." He moved a piece. "You're American."

"Nope." Ector replied. "Also that wasn't a question."

"Uh, you sort of are, you don't even really try for a British accent." Eggsy protested. He leaned back a little. "How'd an American end up with this job?"

"I assure you that I am a citizen of the realm." Ector said in perfect BBC English. "I can do Yorkshire, and a couple others, rural southern France and four from America. Surprisingly not Canadian though." Ector smiled. "One time I thought I had it and a Canadian just hugged me and offered advice."

Eggsy laughed a little. "Still how Anthony?" Eggsy asked, using Ector's latest alias.

Ector smiled. "Story time is it?"

"Why not?" Eggsy replied. A breeze rose up and Eggsy put on a cardigan he had finished last week.

"I warn you it is very cliched, very trite." Ector said. "I'm from Washington D.C. My mother was a cleaning woman for a company who did the offices of this international law firm. He was British and powerful and attractive and of course he wife was leaving him and he felt so alone in America." He laughed a little. "He was a workaholic, late hours at the office, but always so polite to the cleaning ladies, insisting on carrying his waste basket to them, helping them if a cart got stuck, always a smile, a kind word. He even made sure to find out all their birthdays and send them flowers."

Eggsy knew that sort of man well enough, more than one girl from his block had fallen for it. "Guys like that are the worst."

"My mom was 19, he was 45 and looked so debonair. Started to bring her silly little trinkets. Chocolate truffles, funny alice bands for her hair, my mom loved alice bands. And they would chat. Mom said it was months. That there would have been easier wham bam thank you ma'am to be found, but he spent his time with her."

"The sort that likes the challenge." Eggsy said. "Better victory."

"Yeah, I suppose so. The affair lasted a year actually. Long time for these sorts of things. But he was going back to England, the wife wanted to patch it up and how do you throw away that many years together? My mother would understand when she was older. A pat on the head, a nice dinner out, and a babe in her belly and he was gone." Ector moved his queen. Eggsy had gotten involved in the story enough that he was playing poorly. "Man did he get a shock when he dropped in 6 months later. To be fair, he never accused her of lying, he knew it was his. And when he left, he did so with her bank info and on the first of the month a check for 250 dollars appeared in her bank account. And she spent half of it on food and half got put in a savings account. She was a strong woman."

Ector looked at his watch. "Mark should be around that bend in the next ten minutes."

"Yeah sure whatever." Eggsy said, this was better than telly. "Did you ever meet him?"

"A couple times, he didn't ever make an impression, just another man that she cleaned after." Ector stared off in the distance. "She worked so damn hard, to make sure I had every chance, she was so tired all the time. I got a paper route at 8, cleaned snow, cut grass at 12, anything to help. She wouldn't let me pay for a thing, except once a week she would let me treat her to Mcdonalds. She did love their chocolate shakes."

Eggsy couldn't help but compare his Mum. "She sounds amazing."

"She was." Ector's face looked weary. "Do you know the chemicals they use to clean those sorts of offices? Combine thought with a bit of smoking and general poor diet. She got sick when I was sixteen. America is a great place to be sick if you have money, less so for everyone else. We did not have enough to cover the drugs she needed. And I was just so mad. We moved in with her sister who was trying her best to help. I made her tell me who my dad was. I took all the money I had saved for school and flew to England and hunted him down. Mom had told me stories of him when I was little, but when I found him, he just seemed old. His wife had left him years before and taken the kids, he had nothing but work. I have his eyes and his chin. He just looked at me. Said hello, that he wondered when I would show and how much money I would like."

"Did you punch him?" Eggsy asked, completely forgetting their game and mission. He rested his hands on his chin. "I would have punched him."

"No, I told him the amount I need. The amount that I thought would cover making mom comfortable and then take care of after. She was...treatment would have just hurt." Ector shrugged. "He surprised me. Said he was sorry, seemed to actually mean it. Said she was a good woman and deserved to be in comfort. He pulled a great deal of strings. Mom and I were moved to a small place in the country a couple hours outside London. A cottage with flowers surrounding it, a nurse, and everything that could make mom feel at peace. He visited. I think...I think he did honestly like my mom but was trapped by all those years of British tradition and sticks up arses. Mom died in the sun, surrounded by the scent of roses. He was ready to bury her out there, but I insisted on here in London. She had always lived in a city, she would miss the hustle and bustle. He put me in boarding school, got me good references for university, arranged my citizenship papers. And I never really saw him again. Some letters and a check every month. When I finished school, I traveled and eventually ended up a bartender. Gawain was a regular and he put me up for the Kingsman. Said I was wasting myself in a menial job. Punched him for that, said great people work menial jobs. That just made him laugh." 

Ector looked over at the sound of running feet. "Right on time. I'll start running this course in a couple days, let her see me." Ector made a note. "Checkmate. Come on, let's go back to the office."

"Jesus bruv that's so sad." Eggsy said as he got up.

"Is it? Not too sad? It should work well on the mark, sympathy, but not too over the top?" Ector asked.

"Wot?" Eggsy stopped in his tracks.

"Mate, I met a hot girl in my first year of Uni on the west coast and followed her back here until she dumped my ass for a footballer and worked under the table for years until Gawain found me and brought me in. Merlin got me citizenship." Ector roared with laughter. "Can't believe you bought that Coronation Street shit." Ector laughed and pulled Eggsy into a hug. "But if it sucked you in, should do great with the girl."

"I hate you." Eggsy grumbled, he hated that he was so easily fooled.

"Hey, I'm good at my job." Ector said. "I'll buy you some curry chips as an apology."

They left and a week later Ector started the mission, running the park and saving the girl from assault by Eggsy.

************************

A month passed and the job was done and Ector finished his first debrief with Harry as Arthur. "Take a couple weeks off Ector, you did well and deserve a break."

"Thank you sir. And may I say, you are off to a good start."

"Bors blew up a whole village in the jungle, Merlin is pining after Eggsy, and my Lab seems to have dissolved all of its equipment." Harry said dryly. Ector laughed and left the estate. He went to his flat and showered and used Kingsman shampoo that stripped out the dye in his hair. He carefully shaved the cultivated stubble away and put on his own clothes. He grabbed the scarf that Eggsy had made him to celebrate the successful mission and put it over top, it would soon be too warm to wear it and not look like a prat. He went to the corner store and bought some flowers and kept walking until he reached the cemetery. He walked through the rows until he reached the right plot, he cleared away the leaves and dirt and put the flowers down.

"Hi Mom, got home safe, just like I always do." Ector said to the simple stone. "Hope you didn't worry too much. Been talking with the new guy a bit. Eggsy. I think you would like him a lot. More than some of the others. He made me this." He said pointing to his scarf. "Think I'll bake him your cake. That lemon one, that you won prizes at the church fair for." Ector sat on the ground and told her all about the latest mission. They always tried to get him to do counseling after his missions. But he didn't need it, his mom looked after him, like she always did.


	56. Retirement is Boring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retired people don't quite stay retired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set very far in the future - at the second candidate training that the durga and the morrigan are in charge of.

The candidates stood in a row, bruised, muddied and shaking. The shaking was a mix of terror and chill from falling into the muddy and pit.

But mostly terror. The quartermasters looked upset. As a whole they were all taller than The Durga and The Morrigan but all were quite scared of the two women.

The Morrigan stepped forward while The Durga tapped on her clipboard. "What the hell? Seriously what the hell happened out there?" She heard a snort of laughter behind her and didn't turn around. She could hear The Durga stepping over and glaring the men into submission.

"Ye all failed the course. Not just failed, failed miserably." The Morrigan continued.

"We didn't know it was a trap."

"This is Kingsman training. If ye haven't figured out that everything we fucking do is a trap then you are a waste of my goddamn time and we should wash the lot of you and start all over." The Morrigan walked over to the three men standing at the back. "These three men are in their eighties." A small cough and The Durga stepped on his foot. "Fine two are in their eighties and one is 77." The Morrigan continued. "The 77 year old has a fucking pace maker. The ancient bond villain has arthritis, and the other one is missing a leg and has to use a bloody walker most of the time. They all need one to two naps a day. AND THEY KICKED YOUR COLLECTIVE ASSES."

"So this was a test?" One candidate asked.

"Of course it was." The Durga said calmly. "And you failed to understand the possibility of the threat in front of you. This was a disappointing experience all around." A few candidates flinched. The Durga never yelled like The Morrigan and it was horrifying how scary her calm voice was. "It seems we've overestimated your skills. We will restructure your training, put the children's stabilizers back on. Dismissed." The candidates ran.

Michael, Harry, and Merlin looked quite pleased with themselves.

Until the wrath of the two women was turned on them. "How dare you?" The Morrigan yelled.

"You said you were having trouble with the group. We helped." Merlin protested.

"Without any warning to us? Without any consultation. You set up booby traps on our course, take them all out with no permission, no nothing?" The Durga replied. "You three are retired. Retired. And you interfered in things that are no longer your business." 

"But -"

"No buts, get the fuck out of my sight before I put you all in the infirmary." The Morrigan roared. "Arthur is expecting you in five minutes."

The three hung their heads and shuffled out of the room.

The women waited until they were well gone before smiling. "Want to watch the video of Merlin clobbering the one guy with his walker?"

"Oh god yes." The Morrigan said.

*************

The three sat in Arthur's office, and tried to look properly cowed. 

"Gentlemen." Arthur said. "Explain."

"Well Sin," Harry began.

"Try that again Mr. Hart." Arthur's voice was stern.

"My apologies. Arthur." Harry said. He may sometimes forget the new codes names for people, stupid getting old. "The Durga and The Morrigan had expressed concerns of the current crop and we thought we would help." Harry smiled.

"Without consultation." Arthur replied.

"To be fair, Arthur, all of you would have said no. Liabilities, concerns for our age, etc." Michael said. "But I think we made a good show of it."

"Unacceptable." Arthur said. "The Durga and The Morrigan can do their job and to interfere like that suggests a lack of respect for their office and their abilities."

All three men glared. "It's not that at all." Merlin growled.

"Then what is it?" Arthur asked.

Merlin made his eyes water. "I miss my husband so much." Harry ran a soothing hand down his arm. "He's been gone long enough now, I cannae remember my laugh, and my good friends, my remaining family wanted to distract me." Merlin sniffled.

Arthur threw up his hands. "You knew Galahad would be gone on this mission for a month. You said no problem, go have fun in Budapest, bring me back a toy surprise. He's due back in four days, you couldn't hold out the insanity a little longer?"

"We were bored." All three men said.

"Would you really like us loose in London while bored?" Michael asked. "Because those two reached bored a week ago and I've contained it until now."

"Oh you're just as bad as them, you just hide it better." Arthur grumbled. "But you raise a good point."

"We do?" Harry was surprised. "I mean of course we do."

"A couple of our other retirees are having similar problems adjusting to civilian life. So I have put together something." Arthur smiled. "Go to the second floor, east wing."

"That's R&D." Merlin said.

"Go. I have actual work to do." Arthur said.

The three men went across the estate and met Alexander in the hall. "Gentlemen, welcome." He lead them to a room. 

 _Retired Kingsman Senior's Daycare_.

The three men glared at Alexander.

"Oh what let us have our fun. Bors is already inside." Alexander grinned and opened the door. "All of you are deemed a threat to polite society so we may as well use you to our advantage. Welcome to being R&D's personal guinea pigs." Alexander gestured to where they had out prototypes, circuit boards, all the tools of the trade. "Go have some fun, Dad. I swear we are never letting Dad 2 go away for longer than three days ever again."

Merlin punched his son. 

Bors waved. "Think I have this trigger mechanism figured out. We get to blow shit up later."

The three men grinned and went to go play.

"Now juice and snacks will be brought by in an hour. Don't strain yourselves too much." Alexander instructed. Harry started playing The Clash's Sandinista and as a group they all flipped Alexander off. Alexander walked away, wondering if they had reinforced the supports in that room enough.

Two hours later the hole in the wall of the estate suggested maybe not.


	57. Jets and Sharks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Our knitting group vs their rival knitting group because you know our crew has one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roughly present day so to speak and totally making up associations to suit my needs.

They were having a meeting about an upcoming joint mission for Lancelot and Galahad. Merlin, Liz, Thomas, Pilar, Harry were all involved in the planning of this delicate operation. Both Eggsy and Liz's phones went off, a very specific tone. They immediately packed up their things and started to head out.

"Excuse me, you were not dismissed." Harry said in his best Arthur voice.

"Sorry sir, but something of greater importance has happened and our presence is required elsewhere." Eggsy repeated just as formally.

"Sirs, we apologize but needs must." Liz said. They hurried out.

"Can we just do that?" Roxy asked. "Can we just up and leave with only a vague excuse?" She looked at Harry. "Because I got a thing."

"No you don't, stay there." Harry said. "Merlin."

"Tracking them." Merlin said. They kept the meeting going for awhile until Merlin said, "looks like they are headed to the yarn shop." Merlin said. 

"Everyone else is dismissed." Harry said. "Merlin and I are going on a field trip."

It took them a bit to reach the shop and when they got there they immediately flipped the closed sign and pulled out their guns.

"Who are we killing?" Harry asked sternly. 

"Aye, just point us and we'll pull the trigger." Merlin agreed. The whole knitting group, including his husband looked devastated.

"Oh boys, its not a big deal." Mrs Carson replied, but she had clearly been crying.

"Yes it is Prudence, it is a very big deal and I for one will not stand for this blacklisting one minute more." Doris thumped the table and Mrs. Blackwell nodded in agreement.

"It's bullshit." Liz replied and Sarah came back with tea.

"I agree with Liz. We all looked and your application was completely on point. Ain't not a single mistake on that sheet." Eggsy's accent was slipping in his stress. "That fucking useless twat, trying to screw you over again."

"Eggsy!" Mrs. Carson said. "Language."

"Oh what, she is a twat." Sarah replied. They all stared, Sarah was generally not one for name calling.

"What is going on here?" Harry asked, gun still in hand. They all heard a knock on the door and Harry and Merlin quickly put their weapons away. But one look at the table almost had them changing their minds.

Mrs. Carson looked up and firmed her jaw. She waved her hand and four women came into the shop.

"Hello Prudence, we just heard and came to express our disappointment for you." The one woman said.

"Bullshit, you're here to gloat." Eggsy said. He and Liz moved a little in front of Mrs. Carson. "Here for what, to be smug. Can't your husband get you off no more, need to get your fun being a bitch to honest women like Mrs. Carson?"

Sarah and Doris covered their laugh while the other group looked outraged.

"Young man, that is crude but really what else can we expect from your sort?" The woman sniffed. "Now I am sorry, but Mrs. Carson the knitter's guild has very strict rules and your shop just doesn't pass muster."

"Nothing wrong with Mrs. Carson's shop." Liz said, sticking her jaw out.

"Well, it isn't what we want to be the face of knitting in England is it?" The woman tsked. "Really, Prudence, applying again? You just must love failure. But look at your knitting group, how many prizes was it last year at the gala? Oh right, none. Such a shame. Well enjoy your shop, there is always next year."

The group of women left and Mrs. Carson collapsed into her chair. "I'm calling Mr. Carson." Sarah said. Mrs. Carson tried to protest, but they all over rode her.

"What the hell was that about?" Harry asked utterly confused.

"That was Mrs. Marlene Torritt. Owner of the yarn shop, The Sweetest Ewe, and she's on the board of the Knitter's Guild of England. Every year there is an application to be shop of the year. And the winner gets lots of press, and the shop is the cover photo on the newsletter, and bonuses for updating the shop, a plaque, it is a huge deal. Even the 2 runner's up get really good press. It can super help sales, and growth and all that. Mrs. Carson been submitting her shop for the last 7 years and not that she don't win, but her application is always flat out rejected." Eggsy glared. "That moistened bint makes sure of it."

"What's her problem with the Naughty Needles and Hooks?" 

"Well that for one." Mrs. Blackwell explained. "The shop was called the Yarn Emporium when Mrs. Carson bought it, it was a failing business. Prudence, decided that the big problem was a lot of the shops were not moving with the huge upswing in younger knitting."

"And crochet." Liz said. "You wouldn't really know but some places sneer at crochet, like actively treat you like shit, though it's not so different. Tried a few shops but had been buying online and then I'm out for a walk with my brother and I seen Mrs. Carson's sign. A store that in its name makes it clear that it welcomes crocheters? Walked in and dropped a hundred quid without a second thought. Mrs. Carson took one look at me and said. "Oh sweetie, I'll make you tea and you show me what you are working on. Sent my brother home and I never left." She hugged Mrs. Carson tight.

"For me, I had just done a shoot in a yarn shop." Sarah began, "And it looked really neat so I asked about lessons. And the owner looked at me and said. Oh dearie, it's not for someone like you, takes a lot of patience and work. Jesus it was so condescending. That being a model meant I couldn't read a damn pattern. Could read it in five languages thank you very much. But it was demoralizing. I was grabbing a morning coffee and Mrs. Carson, Mrs. Blackwell, and Doris were having the Sunday morning meet up and I couldn't stop looking at them. Mrs Carson came over, put a ball of yarn and a set of needles and her business card in front of me. Said classes start Tuesday." Sarah smiled. "Never left."

"This is the shop I stole yarn from when we got back from stopping Valentine. I just, everything was such a wreck, I needed yarn in my hand. I mean I left money for it, but came back a couple days later to help fix the broken window. Told Mrs. Carson what I had done, waited to be yelled at." Eggsy smiled. "She told me, I stole shite and next time to steal the good stuff. Never left."

Mrs. Blackwell smiled. "I'm her aunt. Can't have never left, I've always been here."

Doris looked at them. "Only fools give away their back story." It was about what they expected.

"The point of all that is, that the Naughty Needles is home to the knitting and crochet misfits. It doesn't quite look like the other shops, just as likely to find men here, or girls with purple hair and piercings. Mrs. Carson cares about the place profiting, but she donates a lot of yarn to charities and someone comes into learn, they usually leave with some extras. She's got a rep and traditionalists like Mrs Torrit, don't like it a whit." Liz explained.

"Plus maybe we yarn bombed her house one night. In fun fur." Eggsy admitted. "And her car. And her cat."

Mrs. Carson laughed.

"But still to block your application?" Merlin said. "That's unethical."

"She always finds a mistake, a loophole, and gets away with it. And the fact is their group are bloody brilliant knitters. Like fucking ring shawls and complex cables and write patterns for the best publications. We make zombie dolls and sweaters of shame." Sarah said. "I was sure we nailed the application this year."

Mrs Carson held up the letter. "Apparently I didn't meet the decency standards of the knitter's guild."

"Decency standards?"

"A couple months ago I did a window display that had a photo of Sarah, she was just beginning to show and I was highlighting yarn great for baby crafts. Sarah was topless, holding yarn to cover everything up, but showing her rounding tummy. She still does modeling sometimes for friends." Mrs. Carson sniffed. "But apparently that does not meet the standards of the guild."

"Hence calling Marlene a twat." Eggsy said still very pissed. "Because she's just jealous of our fearless and brilliant leader."

"Oh Eggsy you are sweet." Mrs Carson sighed. "It would just be nice to have recognition of all the hard work, you know?"

Mr Carson came into the shop and took one look at his wife. "Marlene?"

The whole knitting group nodded. He went over and kissed his wife. "You are amazing every day, and she's just a mean old biddie who can't handle that someone as sexy and clever as you is also a better knitter than they ever would be." He nodded seriously. "Her cables are far too lax in comparison as yours, no consistent tension." He paused. "That was all the right words yes?"

"Yes dear." Mrs Carson kissed his cheek and the whole table went " _Awwwww_."

Mr Carson flushed but stood. He looked at Harry and Merlin. "Gentleman, perhaps a word outside?"

"Of course." Harry agreed.

The three men went outside while the group got to work with some yarn needing the stress relief. Mr. Carson looked at them. "Now I don't like to abuse the relationship between your group and the shop, and you know I don't want to know what you gentleman do for a living. That's your business and not mine and I keep my mouth shut and head down." He took a breath. "But this other shop has been upsetting my wife for years now. They insult all the team, and you know them, they are all good people. Don't deserve the attitude they get. This bunch is the worst, but at big knit charity events, at fairs, looked down on. Took Prudence four years to get her shop into the Yarn Crawl weekend. And they hate that it is now the most popular one. Tried to kick her out for the year Liz and Eggsy made this, what do you call them, stitch markers, they made stitch markers with skulls and one of the old bints said we were satanists. I'm tired of it. So I wash my hands of it and put it in yours. Don't want Prudence to be given special treatment by the guild, but you best believe I want it to be fair treatment." He looked at them. "Don't break no legs or nothing, but you know...you could scare some people a little."

"We will take care of this." Harry promised.

"Good, good." Mr. Carson smiled. "I watch telly, have an idea what you do. Long as you keep the bad away from the Missus, well you are alright with me." He went back into the shop.

"He really does think we're the mob doesn't he?" Merlin laughed.

"He does, but he's not wrong. I dislike these people being upset. We will fix this." Harry looked at Merlin. "Bors and Guinevere will want to be involved, they cherish the shop as well."

"Oh Jesus, we are breaking out the yarn cannon aren't we?" Merlin groaned.

"Well Pilar still hasn't perfected the glitter yarn land mine." Harry explained. "To the office." Harry practiced his super villain laugh the whole way back.

They pulled Michael and Bors into an emergency meeting and Merlin had to block the door. Bors was ready to kill. "They upset Mrs. Blackwell! She showed me how to make my own grenade cozies after I annoyed Eggsy that time. Sure they aren't as good as his, but still. She said I'm brilliant at amigurumi. We defend them to the end."

"Yes but killing old ladies is rather against our rules. We only take a life to save another."

"We get rid of snobs we're making the world better." Bors protested.

"I trust that we will start, by bringing to light the shady practices that this woman has used to block all of Mrs. Carson's applications?" Michael said.

"Aye. I'll be digging through the paperwork soon." Merlin said.

"Yes good. You two do what you do best and Bors and I will do what we do best." Harry smiled and Bors cracked his knuckles.

Merlin and Guinevere sighed in resignation.

********************

Marlene Torritt had slept in which was unusual but she felt the shape in bed beside her and went to cuddle it. But it was an odd shape, not her husband. She blinked away, feeling dragged out. She moved the sheet back and started to scream.

Her husband came in running. "Why is there a severed knitted sheep's head in our bed? And is that glitter yarn to symbolize the blood?" He asked after he got his breath back after his scare. "That wasn't a fun prank scaring me like that. You don't even like The Godfather." He shook his head and left the room.

Marlene's hand shook as she undid the ribbon tied around the sheep's neck. There was a tag.

_Be nice to Mrs. Carson_

_Or next time we visit we won't be so nice._

Harry and Bors sat in the car across the way from the house and after they had heard the initial scream, Harry said fire and Bors shot the yarn gun and covered their bushes in fun fur.

"You did an impressive job, knitting that sheep's head. And in a pretty quick time."

"I may have pretty much abandoned my wife and boyfriend to work on it." Bors said. "I also think I've lost feeling in two of my fingers. But totally worth it."

"Well they would have had each other for company." Harry offered. "And to be fair, I'm a little surprised you haven't blown off any fingers yet."

Bors grinned and slid on some sunglasses. "Harry, please. I'm a pro."

Harry nodded in agreement and they waited until the front door was opened and the husband screamed, "What the hell is this?" They drove off calmly and picked up some breakfast.

Their work was done.

 

 


	58. Not a Rabbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taliesin (formerly ector) babysat the Dread Pirate Mewttins and went cat crazy. He adopted a very very shy adult long hair male named Harvey.
> 
> Harvey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, I apologize if this feels a little rough, I am trying to get back into the swing of writing after what was truthfully the worst week of my life.

Harvey sat in the blue walls. He liked the blue walls, they made him feel safe, but not locked too much in. He could hide and escape. Not that he was a scaredy bunny. He was a cat he knew he was mighty...it just was a quieter mighty.

Man was leaving again. He shouldn't leave, outside might hurt him. Harvey could see the tiny bit of limp, the scars under the human face fur. Man should have a box too, hide. Quiet mighty, mighty that is hidden would be better. Then they could be box buddies.

Harvey was pretty sure this was his right human. The last ones had got him for their daughter who wanted a bunny. He wasn't a bunny. Then the dad named him Harvey and said 'what it's funny!' only he was the only one who thought so. It was especially annoying because Harvey was his right name given to him by a wrong human and made bunny jokes. Harvey hated that house.

But then he was sad because they hated him, because maybe he was just a tiny bit a scaredy bunny.

Just a teeny tiny bit.

Not a bunny bunny, just a smidge scared of loud things, that was reasonable.

And he might also be scared of shiny things.

And most people's laughs.

And cat toys. They seemed evil.

Still not a rabbit though, braver than a rabbit.

Maybe they had squeezed him and cornered him, wanted him to be friendly and maybe he had an incident or two.

That uncle of his wrong humans was boring looking the scar would add character.

So cage place. The people at least realized he wasn't a bunny, and tried to be not so scary, but it was very bright, and very loud and he hid from all the wrong humans who wanted to pet him. They probably hadn't even washed their hands.

And then he came and he looked at Harvey hiding and just kept looking. And then Harvey was brought to the room. Other cats liked the room, he didn't...all cheery. That much happy was scary.

He waited for the man to be stupid. He wasn't.

Harvey had watched him and he just waited. 

And Harvey realized - right human. Right human had found him.

Right human would realize he wasn't a scaredy bunny, just had a healthy sense of caution that most cats didn't have. Harvey was actually quite clever for figuring out how scary...no not scary...bothersome the world was.

Harvey approached him. Sniffed him. Right human. Double check. 30 minutes later. Still right human.

He may pet now.

"Hello Harvey. You are very brave to come to me like this." Right human said. Harvey straightened a little. He was brave, maybe even a little mighty. There was a noise at the door and Harvey took a sensible retreat. He worried right human would think him a scaredy bunny. But right human smiled. "Good job, observe your enemy from a distance, never let them see you." Harvey crept back out. Yes, right human.

*********************

Right human was stupid. He kept leaving. Out there was bad and he kept going in it.

Harvey had to make him realize he needed to stay in the box. And then Harvey clued in. Right human liked the foot things. No foot things, no leaving.

Harvey left his blue box and went to the clothes place. He took peered in, it was dark. He wasn't scared of the dark, much. But it was to protect right human he could do it.

He stole one of the foot things. Put it in the blue box, terrified, something had moved in the clothes place. The shoe smelled a bit like right human. Harvey cuddled it, to collect himself and managed to get the other shoe. He did it, right human would now stay safe.

Only he went out again the next day. When he came back Harvey looked at the foot things. The ones he stole to save the guy were shinier.

Harvey meowed plaintively - he stole too pretty ones. He needed to get another pair.

Oh god he had to get them all.

He would do it. Right human, Edward had called him brave. He would do it, he would steal all the foot things.

Only...there were a lot of foot things. In the dark closets, where things moved.

No, he wasn't a scaredy bunny.

He would save his stupid human, no more scars would appear on his human, because Edward would stay safe in his box and Harvey would be in his.

Harvey put 7 pairs of foot things in his blue box over three days. He couldn't fit more. 3 more pairs under the sofa.

How many foot things did his right human need.

And then Edward noticed. And laughed.

Harvey watched him sit on the sofa and wait.

"Whenever you are ready Harvey."

Well Harvey could wait forever, he was very good at waiting and hiding. Only right human had his hand out and he had nice fingers that scratched just right and within a couple hours, Harvey hopped on the sofa. And there were the scratches.

"Pal, you got a thing for shoes?"

"Rrrw." Harvey said. You have the thing for foot things. Stupid human, stay home. Stay safe.

"Did you know Harvey that the world is a very scary place? I mean really scary."

"Meow." Harvey has written bibles on how scary the world is.

"There are noises, and lights, and dark spots. So many dark spots." He kept scratching Harvey's neck. "But want to know a secret?"

Harvey headbutted his human. Yes, he really wanted to know his secret.

"The reason I go out? I fight the dark spots make them safe for you." Edward said. "I go out there everyday to make sure that the scary stuff stays away from here. You are so brave keeping our flat strong and safe, so I go out there to make sure nothing gets in. Going to keep you safe forever Harvey. Promise. But to do that, I kind of need my shoes."

His human was so strong he fought the scary things. Harvey looked at the little bit of scar he could see. His human had fought enough, time to stay him in the boxes. Harvey hopped of the sofa to stand guard by his blue box. No getting the foot things back.

"But what about the other scared people out there? We know how brave you are, but trust me Harvey, lots out there need protecting. And I like protecting them. I do it with lots of special people. We make the loud noises and the things that go bump stop. No more bad things are we help. You just think about it okay pal? How about I put the good food out tonight?" Edward said. "Also have to say Harvey, sort of proud of you for managing to steal and hide most of my shoes."

Harvey made a noise of agreement. He had been pretty impressive. But he needed to think about this. Outside was bad and scary. His human made it less scary for the scaredy bunnies. Of which he wasn't one.

In the morning Taliesin woke up to find one pair of shoes waiting for him by the door.


	59. Declan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Michael get to overnight babysit for the first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is set not quite a year in the future - Roxy and Sarah's son is about 9 months old.

Roxy held her son carefully as Sarah finished getting dressed. Their small overnight bag was by the door. She stared at her uncles.

"I can still call Doris." She clutched her son just a little tighter.

"Why would you do that Roxy?" Michael asked.

"You are babysitting Uncle Michael. You are babysitting a teething toddler overnight and came in full suits. This was a mistake. I'm calling the knitting circle they can handle this." Roxy spun to go to a phone.

"Live round!" Harry called out.

Roxy tried to spin to both protect her son and find the source of the threat and Michael twisted around her and managed to sneak Declan out of her arms. "Hello my sweet boy." Michael cooed. Declan grinned and tried to grab his nose and babbled happily away. "Yes I know, Mummy is being silly. Your grandpas have this well in hand." Harry coughed. "I'm sorry your Grandpa and your 'Super Awesome Not at All Elderly Honourary Uncle Harry' have you well in hand."

Roxy went over and punched Harry. "Declan owns a lovely board book of the Boy Who Cried Wolf - maybe you should give it a reread?"

Harry smiled unrepentant. "Did the job. We've babysat Declan before Roxy and everyone survived and the animals were all safely returned to the petting zoo." Roxy's eye twitched a little at that memory. "Go, Sarah's grandparent's anniversary party is important to her, have fun, enjoy a night of uninterrupted sleep, after having uninterrupted sex. And no calling. We will call if there are any problems."

Roxy was ready to protest, but Sarah came downstairs looking amazing. Roxy began to see the point to the idea of a little privacy. "I have nanny cams."

"Of course." Michael said. "Roxy I took care of you when you were this age, it will be fine. Go." 

"But -"

"Roxy, I want a cocktail and I want to dance with you. This is Harry and Michael there is nothing they can't handle. Declan could be in no safer hands."

"Eggsy and Merlin." Roxy protested.

"Okay fair point." Sarah agreed. She ignored the protests of the two men. "But they were busy, the knitting circle were all busy or sick, and my whole family is going to be at the party."

Michael glared at his niece. "Were we your last resort?"

"Oh look at the time - have to go, follow the schedule on the fridge. And don't forget I will be watching."

"I can't believe we were a last resort!" Harry yelled to her quickly retreating back. "We are amazing at dealing with Declan! You'll see."

"Oh Harry." Michael said rocking Declan a little. "Why did you say that? Did you want us to suffer?" They heard the front door close.

"What?" Harry asked.

"You just tempted the gods." Michael shook his head and looked down at Declan. "Don't try to prove how amazing we aren't please?" Declan just made poop face. Michael handed him to Harry, "It begins."

************************

Roxy called the first time an hour after they left and was told everything was fine. Harry's voice was calm enough and she could hear Michael calling him to help bathe Declan so she relaxed a little. Neither man was going to mention the bath was needed to get all the ink off Declan who had decided to decorate he and Medb a lovely shade of blue. Michael objected to Harry's idea of washing baby and dog together no matter how much Harry argued that the two would love it. Harry was sent to the garden with the dog.

The next phone call, Roxy could hear quiet music. "He's just getting sleepy, right on time." Michael said. Roxy could hear Harry singing along a little. "Okay, you two have this, I'm sorry for doubting you. We'll leave you alone for the rest of the night."

"Have a good time dearest." Michael said as he hung up. He went over to where Harry was singing and trying to pick the lock of his old panic room. "Any progress?"

"Almost have it." Harry said in a sing song voice, the one he had been using to keep Declan calm. "I think he apparated into there. He can't crawl that fast." Harry got the door open and there was Declan chewing on his blankie of the floor. He giggled when he saw them.

"Pa!" He shouted.

Michael smiled and scooped him up. "That is quite enough trouble out of you young man for tonight. Don't become too much like your Super Awesome Not at All Elderly Honourary Uncle Harry."

"Hay." Declan said.

Harry beamed. "He knows my name."

Michael rolled his eyes. "Or he could just be saying Hi."

"No that was my name." Harry looked at him. "Just about time for his bedtime bottle. I'll prepare it. He should be all tuckered out at this point."

He should have been but his gums started to hurt and he was with two of his favourite people so Declan decided to forgo sleep. At 2am Michael was just wrecked and lay down on the couch. "Wake me in thirty minutes to take over Harry."

Harry put Declan down briefly, much to the baby's displeasure and covered Michael in a blanket. "Of course." He then quickly moved some furniture out of his way and picked Declan back up. "Now my lad, we prove that no one gets the best of Harry Hart." Harry began to hum and waltz around the room with Declan. Michael smiled as he drifted off to Harry singing Disney songs and dancing in perfect, beautiful time.

************************

Roxy and Sarah woke up early and were missing their baby enough that they were back several hours early. Medb greeted them at the door and gave a very quiet woof and walked to the family room. Roxy began to snap a million photos of Michael asleep on the sofa, hand on Harry's shoulder who was slumped against the furniture, Declan on his chest. All three men were snoring.

Sarah went to get coffee going and Roxy reached out for Declan. Harry's eye blinked open and a knife was at Roxy's throat. She stayed perfectly still and waited for Harry to finish waking up. He blinked a couple times and pulled the blade away. "Apologies my dear."

"No, it's fine. Happy to know how safe my son was." Roxy picked up Declan who snuggled into the smell of Mum. "Sarah's making you two coffee. Your backs must be killing you."

Harry nodded. Roxy carried Declan out and Harry kissed Michael awake. 

"Is it my shift?" Michael asked sleepily.

"No it is morning, they are back." Harry said softly.

"You broke the agreed upon rules." Michael grumbled.

"I'm rather known for that." Harry replied. "Coffee will be ready soon. This wasn't so bad all in all."

Michael snorted a bit. "Only a grandfather would say that." He paused. "I'm sorry a Super Awesome Not at All Elderly Honourary Uncle Harry."

"That is rather a mouthful. And perhaps it isn't so bad being a grandfather. I think The Grand Harry has a nice ring to it, don't you?"

Michael kissed Harry. "It very much does."

They stand up. "Wait, why is Medb fur sort of blue?" They hear Sarah ask.

The don't wait for coffee and head for the exit.


	60. Gemma's Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reminder that Gemma is Jamal's younger sister and is Eggsy's candidate for the table

Gemma had a few constants in her life.

Her father playing dominoes with Mr Parker.

Her mother finding horrible clothes for cheap and making them look good

Her Jamal being a stupid over protective wanker whom she would defend to the death.

And Eggsy.

Eggsy had no idea that he was a fixed point in her universe, that he was her first memory. She had come out from a nap and tripped over one of Jamal's toys and fallen. She remembered crying and then this boy she didn't know came over and made faces and kissed it better and helped her up. He said he was Eggsy and that he was Jamal's new best friend. 

He was always just there in her head, in the moments that mattered most. Her first lost tooth came from taking a ball to the face that Eggsy had failed to block as she went by on her scooter. It was he who taught her tricks to get over bad nightmares, and convinced her to eat her peas by promising to show her how to do a back flip.

When she got her period at school, he had given her a sweatshirt and walked home with her and always carried a tampon in his bag that day on.

She punched a guy who grabbed her tit on the underground and broke his nose because Eggsy had taught her how to hold her wrist strong.

He offered to beat up the first guy who broke her heart. The second and third too.

Gemma told him that she loved him in a million ways and he never seemed to notice. When she was little it was hearts cut out of construction paper and she gave him her favourite barbie. When she was older she flirted miserably and he played along like it was a game. She went to all his gymnastics meets and sat on the roof of the council flat with him when he quit. She gave him a flower every Valentine's Day and the first time he came over and talked about having sex with a girl with Jamal, Gemma couldn't figure out if she wanted to kill him or cry.

She settled for punching him and going to her room and hugging the bear he had given her for her 10th birthday. Sure she thought the idea of sex was gross, but he was supposed to think that too, until she was ready for it.

Gemma got really drunk for the first time at 16 and had called Eggsy and confessed her feelings and the next day he took her out for a greasy breakfast and said no worries, we all talk shite when drunk.

And when she was 17 she had hit what was her last growth spurt and at least hit a metre and a half. She also quit breaking out so much and felt ready for sex. So she did what she thought was best - she went to Eggsy and propositioned him.

He said no until she explained. She told him that she wanted him to have sex with her as just so her first time didn't suck. That he at least would know what to do versus the guys she had gone on a couple dates with. Fucking useless wankers couldn't even kiss right and then expected her to suck them off without them doing nothing in return? Not going to happen. She didn't want a bad first time, she wasn't going to be a cliche.

Eggsy at least understood the desire to be in control of your own body and fate. He said alright and Gemma made sure she looked beautiful, as beautiful as she could. And when they were naked, Eggsy laughed softly. "I remember you skinning your knees when you were six." He kissed her gently, fondly. And her heart shattered. He was never going to love her, not in the right sort of way. But it was a good first time, gentle, never hurt, and he made her feel important.

They did it three more times over the next two weeks and after the last time, Eggsy dressed her warmly and took her up to the roof. "Feel alright about it now?" He asked as they huddled under a blanket and stared up trying to see stars.

"Yeah, I mean I figure most are better than you out there, but you know it didn't suck." She teased.  _My heart is yours, it`s always been yours, ever since you kissed those scraped knees, just take it_ , she thought. "I love you Eggsy." She said it casually, like it were nothing, and not like it were everything. "'Preciate you doin me this solid."

Eggsy rolled his eyes. "Yes it was a trial to sleep with a gorgeous and clever girl." He hugged her a bit. "You know I love you too, yeah?"

"Of course." She replied, she just wished he didn't love her in the same way that he loved Jamal.

"Out there, there is the perfect guy for you. Smart as a whip, who will be able to keep up with you." Eggsy kissed the top of her head. "Going to beat the shit out of him on principle, you understand. And he'll have a real job. Proper one, that don't bring him under the eye of the filth. Our girl, gonna move up in the world."

"You could dream big for yourself too, you know." Gemma said. "You deserve more."

"Nah, deserve just about what I got." Eggsy said. They stayed on the roof until dawn.

And one day, Eggsy got picked up by the filth and came home and disappeared again. Jamal and Ryan explained he took the heat, and jesus did Gemma beat the shit out of her brother for letting that happen. And they all looked for him, while trying to avoid Dean and his crew.  A year of nothing and the world went to hell. They were lucky they had been home and Jamal, stupid Jamal had managed to beat the signal for a moment, just a moment. Long enough to push Gemma into a room and block the door with a dresser. She broke her arm trying to get free, to fight, but they lived.

And what are you supposed to do when your crush because after over a year apart you convince yourself it is a crush, knocks on the door, looking posh and perfect and just falls to pieces when they see you? Eggsy cried when he saw her, broken arm, but alright and swept her into a hug and covered her face in kisses.

Gemma was reminded again that her heart was always his.

But all too soon, she knew for sure his would never be hers. He visited and talked of a man at work. Lachlan this, Lachlan that. Jamal joked that Eggsy was smitten and Eggsy couldn't deny it. Gemma walked away, she couldn't bear to hear the happy in his voice, that had never been that full when talking with her.

She wanted to hate the man so fucking much but when they met she couldn't. Because one, the guy was a sexy beast and two, he adored Eggsy the way she did - perhaps even more. And Eggsy, oh Eggsy was luminous when he looked at the older bloke.

That night she sat on her bed and looked at the bear Eggsy had given her so damn long ago. Jamal knocked and sat beside her. "I wanted him to be yours too." He said as he hugged her. Gemma wept a little.

"Why'd he fucking have to go and find his perfect fucking soulmate? Why couldn't he have found someone, like that fucking Tricia from the estate one over, that I could have proper hated. No, he has to go and fall in love with a good guy. Who does that?" Gemma said through her tears.

"Eggsy." Jamal replied. "Fucking Eggsy."

"Fucking Eggsy." Gemma agreed. "Loved him since I were six Jamal, how do I get over that?"

"Slowly, painfully, until one day you find the bloke that looks at you, like you've always looked at him." Jamal kissed her head. "Going to be rough little girl, but ain't ever known you to steer from rough. My Gem's the hardest rock there is, she ain't going to break over something so silly as a boy is she?"

Gemma wiped her tears away. "Nope."

And Gemma slowly packed away the part of her heart that belonged to Eggsy, let him be the brother he always really was, and if she looked at him longingly sometimes, well it wasn't so bad. 

One day, she was suspended from work, yet again and Eggsy was over at her Jamal's tiny flat. She bitched about work as she always did and Eggsy asked a couple weird questions and offered her a potential job. She wasn't stupid, many things, but not that, and she knew what was on the table.

"So you expect me to kill people?" She asked as they made their way to the estate after she had agreed.

"I expect you to save the world." Eggsy had looked at her, this strange gaze. "Don't think you know how much you saved me, you and Jamal all those years." He took a breath. They started to descend to the train. "I know...I wasn't...I couldn't be...I love you Gem." He touched his heart low. "You, you're right here, always have been, always will be. This corner is the Gemma zone."

Gemma went on her tip toes and kissed his cheek. "Eggsy, being married has made you a fucking pussy." God, but she loved the bastard, even if it was now, finally a different sort of love.

"Oh fuck off and stop taking the piss."

"Your man going to have it out for me special because he sort of knows me?" Gemma asked as they boarded the train.

"Nah, level playing field in there, promise. Ain't about proving shit to the bosses, about proving it to yourself." Eggsy said. "You are going in with less experience than a lot of the people you'll be up against. But then they ain't come up against you, now have they." He held out his fist and Gemma bumped it.

"I won't cock it up." She promised.

"I know you won't." Eggsy lead her off the train and to Merlin. "Just be Gemma, that will make at least three of them piss their pants."

Gemma laughed even as Merlin sighed.

And training was hard, so damn hard, and she couldn't believe that Eggsy thought she could do this, but she would never let him down. Especially after that mechanic in around her age had told her that Eggsy had put money on her making it all the way through.

And maybe he had been a little cute that mechanic, and maybe he had been more than he seemed, just like all the people they had seen at the stupid giant estate. And maybe he was the first person that popped into her mind when Merlin had said go forth and try to fuck the staff (though he said it more Merlin-y). And maybe she circled that guy a bit, until she realized that he was circling her too and she yanked him into a bedroom and they had one hell of an afternoon.

He had leaned over and moved a curl off her face and had just looked at her.

"So Mikey was it?" She tried to sound casual. They both knew she knew his name.

"Technically Mikhail, but that feels a little poncy for a mechanic who has to now feed a turtle as a part of his regularly assigned duties. But I am moving up in the world, getting all my gun certifications lined up, so I can better outfit the cars. Promise to only have the best weapons in your car, Gemma." He grinned. "I'll totally bribe Twitch into making you a sweet little Jag for when you are a Kingsman."

"Still half a dozen of us, don't know if it will be me." Gemma bit her lip and tried to cover up her body with a blanket. But he was in the way leaning over her, looking at her like he could see inside her, to the core of her.

"You'll be a Kingsman. I have a gut feeling about you, and my mama always says I have the best thinking gut on the planet." Mikey had a soft smile on his face, that grew into a look she couldn't quite explain. 

"Wot's that look for then?" She asked, as she scrunched her face.

"Just thinking." Mikey replied. He kissed her nose. "If you need me to seduce me again, as a follow up to the sex training you're going to get, I don't mind just so you know. Important work that you are doing, and I'm happy to help you in anyway I can."

Gemma giggled. "I can't tell if you are for real or not."

Mikey leaned in and whispered in her year. "I'll give you 60 years to figure it out and after that, well I'm sorry at that point you'll be on your own."

"Wot?" Gemma stared in shock.

"Oh Gemma, best thing you ever did in your life was to seduce this silly chatty mechanic. You'll see." Mikey said cheerfully. "Stop by the garage when you can, I'll show you the Jag I'll be working on for you." He grabbed his pants and trousers. "Also, you'll love my mama, and you'll dislike my brothers, but that's okay, they aren't so bad, just the overachieving sort. My dad will think you as beautiful as I do. Oh and picnics, how do you feel about picnics, because I'm for them, so long as they aren't too outside? Does that make sense? Bors and Twitch did a picnic at a gun museum, that was cool, we could do stuff like that." He rambled some more. "Aww, shoot I have to get back to work. Gemma, whenever you want me, however you want me, I'm yours. Feel free to take advantage." Mikey kissed her again.

"Wot?" Gemma asked to the now empty room. "Wot the fuck just happened?" She got dressed and felt a weird weight in her pocket. There was a bracelet made out of small gears with a wing nut for a closure.

She thought about Mikey's silly grin and the way he made her laugh during sex and the confidence he had in her.

The mechanic spoke like he was going to be a constant in her life.

Gemma thought, that maybe, maybe she could want him to be a constant too.

 


	61. A First for Many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy is just turned 14 so after her and Eggsy had the sex talk, but before the chapter about the boy breaking her heart.
> 
> Request: Daisy's first date

"Merlin has access to all CCTV cameras that are along the date route and access to the location. Three agents have been deployed to said location and are ready for any eventuality." Eggsy said pacing. He kept muttering to himself, JB sitting on the couch watching in fascination.

Michelle just rolled her eyes. "Cameras fine, can't actually stop you or Merlin from that, but call off the dogs."

"No." Eggsy replied. "I don't trust the guy or the circumstances and this is just horseshit."

"I thought you gave Daisy a million speeches about sex and romance and letting her live her own life." Michelle crossed her arms. "What happened to those?"

"Yeah well, that was all theoretical weren't it?" Eggsy said frustrated. "She weren't supposed to grow up Mum."

Michelle went over and hugged Eggsy. "You weren't supposed to either. But you did and you turned out mostly okay. Mostly." She teased.

"Oh shut up." Eggsy said, grumpy as anything. "You check this boy out?"

"You mean David, the mathelete whose father is driving them to the gaming complex where they will have pizza and play games and be picked up by myself and my husband in three hours? Yes he's fine." Michelle looked at him. "And like you lot haven't got his DNA coded."

Eggsy tried to look innocent. "He has an uncle with flat fleet." And he scrunched his face. "And you don't have a husband, you have a gentleman lodger who never ever touches you."

Michelle laughed. "Wanna see the hickey?"

"Gross Mum. Where is the gentleman lodger anyways?"

"Sean, my husband and your friend and coworker is up with Daisy, helping her get ready."

Eggsy's eyes widened. "Why aren't you doing that?"

"But I'm with my idiot son." Michelle threw up in hands. "He needed more calming for his nerves than she did and frankly she wanted a fancy braid thing in her hair and Sean's actually a lot better at that stuff than I am. It's fine, you know he adores her. And she feels the same." Michelle smiled. "She called him Popsicle the other day. Flustered him something good."

Eggsy smiled a little. He could just picture it. He then frowned. "I just want her to be okay and happy and have a perfect first date."

"I know you do sweetie. I know, but you have to settle for letting her live her life." Michelle hugged her son. "Got to let her grow baby."

Eggsy tapped his glasses and pulled two agents out. "Give me a bit of a break."

Michelle nodded. They heard laughter from upstairs and Eggsy relaxed a little bit more. A couple minutes later Sean came down the steps. "May I present the one and only Daisy Unwin ready for her first date!" Sean gave a low bow and Daisy came down the stairs.

"Oh thank god, you look like you." Eggsy said relieved.

"I'm going to kick a boy's butt at Call of Duty whatever it is and eat pizza with him, what was I going to wear?" Daisy asked.

"I dunno, something stupid frilly with red lipstick or some such."

"With her colouring?" Sean asked. "We haven't found the right red yet they always run too orange." Everyone stared at him. "What, I read those magazines your mum leaves around, have to keep up with the times. And the girls from the club always go on about finding the perfect red being a bitch."

Daisy and Michelle both patted Sean on the head. 

"Anyways glad you are in jeans and a sweater." Eggsy said. "And your hair looks pretty all up in those braids. You look all pretty and stuff." 

Daisy touched the sweater, which of course Eggsy had made, and of course looked like one Merlin would wear. "Where's Merlin, thought he'd be here to scare the guy too."

"Uh work." Eggsy said.

"So he's monitoring cameras and whoever you have in disguise at the complex."

"Nooooo, just work." Eggsy said.

Daisy sighed. "Sure." But she smiled. "I'll be okay you know. Just pizza and games." She paused. "Right?"

"Right." Michelle said swiftly. "You'll have a fun time with a friend, and if he holds your hand or gives you a kiss, or you give him a kiss, it will be wonderful. And if it isn't when Sean and I pick you up, we'll abandon his ass on the side of the road by the old estate and go for ice cream sundaes."

"Thanks Mum. The gloss and eyeliner isn't too much?" She whispered. "I don't wear it at school."

"Perfect for a night out sweetie." Michelle said soothingly. They all heard a car and a minute later the doorbell rang. Michelle glared at the two men. "No posturing bulllshit, or I'll show you both who the scary one is here." Eggsy and Sean both stepped back. Michelle answered the door and tried not to coo at the boy. "Hello David."

"Hi Mrs McKnight." David's voice cracked and his hand that was holding a single Daisy shook a bit. "My dad has the car running, is Daisy ready?"

Michelle nodded and stepped back.

Daisy walked forward, making sure her hand brushed both Eggsy and Sean as she went by. "Hi David."

"You like nice." He practically shouted as he thrust the flower at her. "I uh, pre-booked us into a small competition they are having. We could win free cupcakes to go with the pizza."

"Oh we are going to kick butt." Daisy cheered. She stuck the flower into her braid and David flushed a little. "Bye Mum, bye Popsicle, bye Eggsy." She took David's hand and went running to the waiting car.

Michelle closed the door and promptly burst into tears. Sean grabbed her into a tight hug and pet her back. Eggsy felt helpless. 

Michelle stepped back a little from Sean and looked at her son. "Well get the damn computer and tap us into Merlin's feed so we can watch every second and make sure she's okay." She demanded.

Eggsy grinned. "Yes Mum."

Sean tried for a bit of a glare at Michelle. "You said spying was wrong."

"We're not spying, we're spying on those who are spying. Totally different." Michelle explained. "You can not watch to keep pure and innocent."

Sean just snorted and settled on the couch.

Three hours later they picked up the two kids and didn't react at all when David gave Daisy a quick kiss on the cheek before bolting out of the door.

"So, going on a second date sweetie?" Michelle asked as they pulled away.

"Yeah, just next time for god's sake don't send Tristan! What the hell? At least send someone who actually does undercover work and doesn't just stand in a corner and glare while clearly packing heat. Jesus some subtlety please." Daisy grumbled.

Michelle smiled. "Take it up with Eggsy, he's still at the house waiting for you."

"Of course he is." Daisy said with a scowl. But inside she was thrilled that he was waiting for her. And even though she knew he had been watching the whole time, she couldn't wait to tell him all about.


	62. Tilde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin didn't realize that Eggsy and the Princess had kept in touch.  
> Very early in their relationship - like just a couple dates in.

"So Merlin, seems we go to an awful lot of movies on our dates." Eggsy said outside the cinema. "All of them aces, though my fav is you in your Rocky Horror gear." Eggsy winked. "But maybe something different next time?"

Merlin stared at him. "Just to the pub then?"

Eggsy hid a smile. "Those are our other dates. Somewhere new."

"But you like the cinema and you like the pub." Merlin said. "You smile an extra 11% when I suggest it."

"You measure my smiles?" Eggsy was dying.

"No." Merlin said quickly. "Okay then, you want different, you come up with different."

"I'll do that." Eggsy kissed Merlin. "The extra wattage in the smiles isn't about the date location, it's about the fact that you asked me out yet again."

Merlin held out his hand and they walked to the car.

 

A week later Eggsy asked. "Hey guv, you got tails?"

Merlin paused. "No, but I could supply some. Which animal is your fetish for? And I hadn't realized our relationship was at this point."

Eggsy looked at him. "What in the ever loving fuck are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?" Merlin replied calmly.

"Tuxedo, full fancy ass one. I need to have one made."

"Yes I have one." Merlin smiled. "I take it you are taking me somewhere posh."

"Poshest. The Swedish Embassy is having a party for Princess Tilde and her newly appointed ambassador and she invited me."

Merlin raised a brow. "I dinnae realize ye were in contact with the grand lass."

"Okay, that might be just about the most Scottish you've ever sounded. What's up with that?" Eggsy asked. Merlin just shrugged. "Yeah we've stayed in touch. Should have just been a woo we aren't dead shag, but she was brilliant. And not just at the sex, she was right funny and brilliant and sass and put her number in my phone for a laugh. Never thought I'd really hear from her again, that once she got home and fixed it up, I'd be at most a fond memory. But a couple months later I get this snap chat photo asking me to kill her foreign minister and she had drawn dildos all over his face. Nearly pissed myself laughing. Been texting and chatting since."

"Ye have curried the favour of a woman who right now is very powerful on the world stage Eggsy. I am impressed." Merlin's voice was a bit stern.

"I made a friend yeah, if that is wot you mean." Eggsy frowned a little. "Wanna go to the party with me then?"

"Aye, it would be a different date indeed."

"Great." Eggsy was back to smiling. "But what were the other thing you were talking about?"

"If ye dinnae know, I am nae sharing." Merlin spun back to face his monitors.

Eggsy left and an hour later Merlin got a text:  _guv, just no, oh dear god no_.

Merlin smirked to himself a little.

***************************

Three weeks later Merlin stood on the balcony of the embassy while Eggsy had a dance with Tilde. His third. He had heard whispers, people wondering who the young man was that had the Princess laughing so much. And Eggsy looked beautiful. Merlin watched them while he sipped a whiskey. He wished he was dancing with the lad, that was something they had yet to do. Eggsy was stumbling a little, but comporting himself well all and all.

"You came with Mr. Unwin yes?" A soft voice said next to him.

"Aye." Merlin said looking down at the old woman.

"So sweet of him to bring his father to this party. I do hope you are enjoying yourself." She patted his arm and went on her way. 

Merlin's jaw tightened and he swallowed the last of the whiskey and made for the open bar. The bartender took one look at the man standing before him and immediately poured a double. Merlin sipped it slowly, carefully, and tried not to think about he and Eggsy looked to others. He didn't even fucking look like Eggsy, no way he should be mistaken for his Da.

"A vodka tonic please." A sweet lilting voice said next to him. "If I have another champagne, I'll hurl."

Merlin looked over and then gave a bow. "Your Highness."

"Tilde, please. You are Eggsy's yes? That makes you a friend." She said. When the bartender handed her the drink, she knocked back a third of it. "His charm makes up for the fact he stepped on my feet four times. Plus the dock worker's joke." She had a loud lusty laugh.

"I will work on his dancing, so next time, he is kinder to your toes in those pretty shoes." Merlin said politely.

"Well I should test the teacher. Dance with me." Tilde said, it was not a request.

"Of course ma'am. Ye do this humble man an honour." Merlin said with a bow as he held out his arm.

"Oh god lord." She said as she rolled her eyes. 

Merlin lead her in a simple waltz. She smiled at him. "You do dance well."

"Not as well as our boss, but well enough ma'am." Merlin replied.

"You are old." She said bluntly.

"Spectacular." Merlin said. "Just spectacular."

"Does he call you Daddy in bed?" She asked, like she was talking about the weather.

Merlin wondered if Sweden really needed their princess. "No. And we haven't gone to bed yet together."

"Oooh, a gentleman." She spun out and came back to him. "Do you want him to call you Daddy?"

"Nae." Merlin answered. "I want him to call me..." He drifted off.

"What do you want him to call you?" She asked.

"His." Merlin replied.

"Silly old man." Tilde shook her head. "He already does. Never shuts up about his Lachlan. Bloody snapchat with little hearts circling the photos of you I get sent."

"Really?" Merlin could tell the music was coming to the end.

"I do not lie, the truth messes up people much more." She grinned. "Now I expect ye two are about ready to leave aren't you?"

"I must make our apologies ma'am. We are expected elsewhere."

"I thought so." Tilde kissed his cheek. "Fear is boring. Stop it." She whispered.

"I'll do my best ma'am." Merlin replied and he gave her a deep bow and delivered her over to her new ambassador.

Merlin walked through the ballroom to where Eggsy was begging a servant for more of the little quiches. "Hey Lach, how are we supposed to survive on this little food? Bloody starving."

"Perhaps we could go to the pub?" Merlin suggested.

"In the posh gear?" Eggsy asked.

"We'll class the joint up."

"I could murder for a meat pie right now." Eggsy said. "Do I need to say goodbye?"

"I gave our regrets." Merlin said. They headed towards the exit.

They walked for awhile without talking. "Why don't you like Tilde?" Eggsy asked.

"I do actually. We had a lovely dance and conversation." Merlin replied.

"Yeah but you sound cranky sometimes when she comes up in conversation."

Merlin stared off into the night."We had lots of champagne on the plane." He smiled sadly. "We could have already been us, been an us if ye had wanted champagne on the plane."

Eggsy stopped their walk and touched Merlin's face. "If I had come for champagne we would never had an us. It would have been a rough desperate hungry shag that I would have run away from after. We wouldn't have had more time together we'd have something that we didn't talk about ever."

"Ye know that so certainly?" 

"I know who I was then and who I am now. Much rather we were brought together because of yarn and not dead bodies and a thank fuck we are alive shag." Eggsy tilted up a bit and kissed Merlin's jaw. "Pub?"

Merlin smiled. "Nae. Ye want different dates I can give ye different." 

Eggsy thought they looked quite dashing as they strolled through the city with their ice cream cones.

 


	63. Love of My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: More Harry and Merlin
> 
> Outsider POV of Harry and Merlin

Merlin watched his apprentice carefully as the young man worked to wire the tie pin. It was some of the most delicate work they had ever tried and it seemed that Lachlan was going to pull it off. The cuff link receivers were already working. It was good work; of the three potential replacements he had brought in, he did think that it was Lachlan who would replace him.

Merlin heard the door open and watched the newest agent walk through the door. Tech did not like the new Galahad, he was smug, brash, egocentric, all not so hidden under the veneer of a gentleman. He did very well at seduction missions.

"Agent Galahad, I am almost done with your equipment." Lachlan said never looking up. Merlin was a little impressed at that, especially because the two hadn't met yet.

"Is it really necessary?" Galahad asked. "And that tie pin is rather...large and gaudy isn't it?"

"It is the smallest that we could still wire effectively." Lachlan replied. Merlin just watched the two curious how this would play out.

"Really, I thought you were the best in the world, you couldn't manage better?" Galahad sounded very...like he had a stick up his arse. "Oh well, luckily I have the panache to carry off your little mistake there. Not that we really need it, you tech people and your gadgets. All you really need is a proper Kingsman and everything will be fine."

Lachlan stilled and Merlin leaned forward, a still Lachlan wasn't a comfort. Lachlan put away all his tools and stood, walked over to Galahad smiled and punched him hard enough to knock him down. "Never, ne'er insult what I or anyone in the office do for ye because I promise one day your life will be in my hands and I will let ye fucking die if ye don't respect who and what we are."

Galahad got up off the ground and looked at Merlin. "Aren't you going to do something?"

Merlin nodded. "Lachlan Craig I hereby announce you as my successor and the job of quartermaster will be yours within two years."

Galahad left quietly, taking the tie pin and cuff links.

"He's going to be trouble." Merlin said.

"Harry Hart, is absolutely going to be trouble, and unfortunately going to be the best agent for it." Lachlan sighed. "My life is going to be a misery."

Merlin didn't disagree.

***********************************

Chester watched Harry and Merlin. He was always watching them. Over the years they had grown close, too close. He called Galahad to a meeting.

"You know Galahad, you really are becoming one of our best." He smiled. 

"Thank you sir." Galahad replied politely. 

Chester poured him a cup of tea. "I do have a concern though."

"Of course you do." 

Chester gave him a cold look, but it was difficult to tell if there had been sarcasm there. He finished pouring his tea. "You and Merlin need to be careful. There is talk concerning your affair." He threw that out to see if it would land at all. There was talk of course, but no one could prove anything about them.

Harry just smiled and sipped his tea. "I thought gentlemen were above such gossip."

Chester hardened his jaw. "I forbid it. I will not have an agent and my quartermaster so emotionally compromised. I need to know that he would be willing to let you die should it be for the good of the world."

Harry began to laugh. "You really think that is an issue?" He laughed some more. "Sir, every mission I go on the first thing he says in my ear is 10 quid that today is the day you die."

"I hardly think it funny Galahad." Chester replied. "Be cautious, I am watching the two of you."

"We are eminently watchable." Harry stood and gave a polite nod and left.

Chester ordered him to Australia and then Africa. He was gone for six months.

He stood overlooking the hangar when Harry returned and Merlin greeted him, like it had only been a day.

Chester walked away.

***********************************

The doctor looked at Harry. "Your partner will be fine. It was an overdose, but there is no permanent damage that we can tell."

The doctor swallowed and stepped back at the look on the man's face. 

"Oh trust me, he won't be fine at all." the man said. "And partner is not what I would call him."

"Yes sir. You can take Lachlan home tomorrow." The doctor said, even as he took another step back. "He'll need a few days of recovery. And perhaps some therapy."

"He will not make this mistake again." the man went and sat next to the bed and gripped the patient's hand tight.

The doctor left them be.

***********************************

Lee sat in the plane beside James. "So that's my guy - Galahad. Who put you up?" He asked.

"Kay." James replied. "He's in South America couldn't get away for this. Live exercise can you believe it?" James's leg was bouncing. "Guess they got tired of us both passing all their in house tests. Should just take both of us on, we'd be a hell of a team." 

"Can't unbalance the table." Lee replied. He never took his eyes of Galahad and Merlin. "Are they together?"

James looked at them. "Nope."

"How do you figure that?" Lee asked.

"No chemistry." 

Lee looked at them again. They were bickering over something quietly. Merlin pointing, Harry rolling his eyes. And then they both stopped and just looked at each other and it seemed like they just synced up, this perfect moment and expression of harmony. "Are you sure about that?"

James looked at them again as they both moved about and bent their heads together to look at a map. "Brothers in arms maybe. They aren't fucking, there's no..." James couldn't explain it.

"Don't need to be fucking to be together." Lee replied.

"Why be that gorgeous and not have sex?" James asked confused.

"Love?" Lee looked at them, they both seemed to have fallen asleep, in the exact same position.

"You're mental." James looked at the two men. "Just focus on our task."

Lee nodded and checked his gear again.

************************************

Pilar went and found Bors. "Why does Galahad not tell Merlin how he feels?"

Bors looked up from the grenade he was rewiring. "Bwuh?"

"The smug, pretty agent who is in love with my boss - why does he just not say so?" Pilar took the grenade from Bors and got it finished in less than two minutes.

"Pilar, you are the best souvenir ever." Bors said as he cradled the grenade. She had been with him for two months and he was still trying to figure out how that happened, but he knew he would never let go. "And Harry don't love Merlin. No one loves Merlin, man's like a robot. Maybe we built him."

Pilar snorted. "Oh no, there is a great deal of passion in that man." Pilar's gaze softened as she thought about Merlin.

"Hey!" Bors was indignant. "I have passion."

Pilar snapped back to focus. "Of course you do Bomb Boy. Now why are they not together."

"Because they aren't together, not like that, never like that." Bors explained.

"They've had sex." She was sure of it.

"No one can prove it, know for sure. Always gossip about those two." Bors shut up quickly as Merlin came into the kitchen.

He took one look at them. "No grenades in the kitchen." He left without another word.

Bors continued. "They're just Harry and Merlin." He shrugged. "No one questions it anymore. Wouldn't be surprised to know they've been together for 15 years now, wouldn't be surprised to know they are brothers, wouldn't be surprised to know they hate each other. Think it is a little of everything."

Pilar nodded. "They are in love."

"Nah, they are just them." Bors answered.

******************************

Dr Pierce stood there as he gave Merlin the report. "Galahad has 12 broken bones, a concussion, 30 stitches, and a horseshoe up his arse that that fall didn't kill him." Dr. Pierce looked at Merlin who was completely stone faced. "You were lucky to be there, if he hadn't been collected when he was..."

Merlin nodded and looked at his clipboard. "He'll recover?"

"Yes and be a right pain in the ass for his caregiver while he does so." Dr. Pierce sighed. "All my staff are already begging and bribing me to avoid that task.

"No caregiver will be required."

Dr Pierce gave him a look. "You know the second he is able he won't stay here, and he is in no way capable of being alone."

Merlin sat next to Harry and kept working on his clipboard. "No caregiver will be required."

Dr Pierce looked at them. "Of course."

The next day Dr. Pierce saw Harry's vitals change and he went down the hall and saw Harry wake up, Merlin still there working on his clipboard.

Merlin began to yell at Harry for being an idiot, even as he changed an I.V. bag.

Dr Pierce let them be.

******************************

Bedievere looked at Merlin, who was temporarily Arthur. "Sir?"

"Agent Galahad's signal has resumed in Kentucky. You will go ascertain the situation and if it is indeed Harry you will bring him home."

"Yes sir." Bedievere agreed immediately. He looked at Merlin's face, the strain on it, the barely hidden hope. "Did you want to come with me?"

"I have work to do, I cannae be running of to collect his dumbass yet again." Merlin replied. "If it is even him, and not a random false report."

"It's him." Bedievere said. "I'll bring him home to you."

"To the Kingsman." Merlin replied.

"Of course." Bedievere agreed. "We all mourned, you didn't."

"I was too busy to mourn."

"No." Bedievere looked at him. "No, that's not it."

"True enough." Merlin picked up a report. "That will be all agent."

"Sir." Bedievere went to the door.

"This is not how we die." Merlin said just before he left. "This was not how we end. So I didn't mourn, because I knew this wasn't our time, not yet."

Bedievere nodded and didn't turn around. He wondered how Merlin could sound so sure of that, and how it was a we and not a singular. He supposed it didn't matter.

*******************************

The nurse kept an eye on Mr. Hart's vitals as the surgery entered its third hour. She said the numbers out loud and people nodded. 

She stood there and monitored the patient. "He's still talking."

"Sorry?" Another nurse asked.

"In his ear, the voice is still going it hasn't stopped."

"It's a recording." They dismissed.

"No, I heard a cough and his voice gets thinner, but he keeps going." The nurse looked at the patient. "You need to pull through this Mr. Hart, that voice will be too sad if you don't."

*******************************

Eggsy watched his husband and Harry dance together. Harry was leading and Merlin was clearly ticked about it. He looked over to where Michael was talking with Roxy but keeping an eye on the couple on the dance floor.

He watched Michael smile fondly, wondered if he had the same look on his face. He went back to watching them dance, they moved together in a way that Eggsy couldn't quite manage with Merlin no matter how much they practiced. He felt Michael move up behind him.

"Shouldn't the grooms be dancing together?" Eggsy asked Michael.

"I like to lead, this gives him a chance to be in charge." Michael laughed a little as Harry spun Merlin out and brought him back in. "They move well together."

"You okay with that?" Eggsy asked curious.

"Are you?" Michael replied.

Eggsy shrugged. "Love Merlin, love Harry, they love each other. So you know, one big love fest."

"How poetic." Michael said dryly and Eggsy laughed. "My husband," Michael smiled, the words were only a couple hours old and it delighted him to say them. "My husband has a capacity for love that even he doesn't understand. It is quite attractive and something I would never try to stifle."

"They're everything to each other." Eggsy said quietly as they pulled each other into a hug before they started to walk off the dance floor.

"They are." Michael agreed. He grinned as Harry bounced over and swept him up into a kiss.

Eggsy happily snuggled in under Merlin's arm.

********************************

The nurse came with the bedpan and sponge bath equipment. She opened the door to see the man with the eye patch carrying Lachlan to the bathroom, the young man asleep in the chair.

"If ye fucking drop me Harry, I'll gut ye."

"I've never dropped you yet." Harry replied. "Besides you missing a leg, makes you a lot lighter. Helpful that you did that."

"Oh shut it and help me piss before that nurse comes back." The patient grumbled.

The nurse put the stuff on the table and left all the men be.

********************************

"Lachlan, what's this?" Daisy asked. She was in the attic, helping them clean.

He looked over and saw her holding a frame. "Ye know well enough lass." He went back to wondering how he ended up with a trunk of wigs.

"It's you and Uncle Harry." She stared at the picture. "Jesus how young are you two here?"

"Hmmm?" He looked over again. "In our 20s."

"You two look so..." She stared at the picture, the football net behind them, Harry in gear and Merlin in a suit, with the muddy Harry holding him in a headlock. Merlin looked both cranky and delighted. "Were you two ever?"

"Ever what dear?" Merlin asked.

"In love." Daisy looked at the man she had only ever known as madly in love with her brother. "Were you two ever a couple?"

Merlin smiled a little. "Lass, ye ask the wrong question. One day if ye ask the right question, I'll answer."

Daisy nodded. Merlin said stuff like that loads. She knew he meant it though, if she ever asked the right question she'd get an answer.

********************************

Alexander watched them argue. Again. All they did was argue these days. He thought it kept them young. 

Dad 2 was ignoring them as he always did knitting something or other and Michael reading a book.

"You'll nae recruit my son! He'll nae be your candidate Arthur." 

"I can pick whoever the hell I want!" Harry yelled back.

Alexander just watched them argue more and more and sure enough it turned into a weird rock paper scissors battle.

He turned to Dad 2. "Shouldn't we tell them I'm your candidate already?"

"Nah, Sasha, this amuses them too much. Better to let it run its course." Eggsy replied. "Toss me that yarn."

"They fight like an old married couple." Alexander muttered as he grabbed the yarn.

"Indeed. But Eggsy and I reap the benefits of all that passion once we break them apart." Michael said not looking up from his book.

"Oh god, old people sex. So gross." Alexander winced.

"Not that old." Both Harry and Merlin yelled. Alexander decided to hide behind Dad 2 just to be safe.

********************************

Daisy stood on the grass. It was a perfect day really. Had been raining for days, but today, today it was perfect out. She stood beside Merlin, Eggsy on his other side, and Alexander beside Eggsy.

She finally figured out the right question. "Were you ever not in love? From the day you two met were you ever not a couple?"

Merlin smiled a little. "No. We were each other's right from the moment I punched his smug ass." 

Daisy nodded. She looked at the grave that said Harry Hart. Loved and Beloved. 

"He was your soul mate."

"Aye." Merlin agreed easily. "Fucking wanker."

Eggsy laughed and kissed his husband.

Daisy nodded and understood. "You are yarn bombing the grave after everyone's gone aren't you?"

"It is tradition." Merlin replied. "Michael and Eggsy made a grave cozy."

After they put the grave cozy on.

Michael and Eggsy had knit it so that it said Harry Hart. Loved and Beloved. Smug Arsehole. And there was the image of his pirate skull eye patch around the back of it.

Two years later, Michael was buried to his left. 

And eventually Merlin was buried on his right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I had feels this morning.


	64. Everyone Remembers Their First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gemma falters on the job and wants to resign. Harry Harrys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you who don't follow the blog - Gemma and Jesse (Galahad and Bors's candidates) both passed the dog test and due to how they had done in training Harry and Merlin came up with a solution - twinned agents. The would permanently function as a unit, always work together and should one perish the other would leave. Morrvyd and Owain are their code names (fancast is Antonia Thomas and Matthew Lewis).

Gemma's back hurt she was holding herself so straight as she waited for her meeting with Harry. Eggsy had tried to talk to her, but she had told him to shove off, this weren't his business.

 _Morrvyd, don't, it's okay_. She could still hear Owain after the incident.  _That's why we work together I do the things you can't and vice versa._ She told that voice to shove off as well.

She somehow straightened even more when Harry opened the door. Gemma had only really seen him a handful of times, talked to him even less; she knew better than to draw a boss man's eye to herself. Learned that lesson well enough. She walked into the office, and stared. It was so different from Merlin's cold one, or Eggsy and Roxy's shoebox. It was -

"You have a lot of shite." Gemma said without thinking. She closed her eyes.

Harry just laughed. "So Guinevere tells me. The blending of our homes was...an interesting experience. Come have some tea." Harry gestured to the comfy sofa instead of his big desk.

"Sir, this isn't a social visit. I've come to resign." Gemma stood at parade rest.

"Well, yes, Merlin warned me, but since that is a rather stupid idea, I've electing to ignore it and pretend we are just getting to know each other." Harry poured her a drink. "Now sit, Morrvyd, before I make you sit."

"Sir I would like to tender my resignation." Gemma began the speech she had prepared. "I am sorry that I let you down sir, that I am not fit to be in your ranks -"

"What makes you think that?" Harry asked, sneaking an extra spoon of sugar into his tea. "I think you are a wonderful fit for the table. So does everyone."

"But I couldn't kill sir." Gemma's eyes filled. "He was right fucking there and I just had to fire and I couldn't and Owain had to come and rescue me like a fucking damsel or some such. You all trained me to kill and I couldn't pull the trigger. What use am I?"

"Plenty." Harry replied. "Now sit." He went over and pushed her onto the sofa and put a cuppa in her hand. "First off do you know what happens if you resign?"

"What do you mean what happens?" 

"Gemma, this isn't the hospital. If you resign, you force Owain out of the table as well."

"Bullshit, he's a brilliant Kingsman, you can't do that to him." Gemma glared at Harry.

"I wouldn't be, you would. You two agreed to be twinned, he serves no function to the table without you at his side. The point was that Merlin and I could see how you two balance each other, need each other. Doctor and Companion if you like." Harry smiled. "Next if you resign we have to decide if we are going to wipe your memories or kill you and thanks to your history with Eggsy we would likely kill you."

"Jesus that's cold." 

"That's this life." Harry put his cup down. "Now you say because you couldn't kill your mark you are not an asset to the table. But the mission was a success. All parameters met."

"But I faltered." Gemma frowned. "I was weak."

Harry picked up a stack of papers and handed them to her. "Do you think you were the first to be weak? Do you think you will be the last. Take these to your office and return them to me in one hour with your decision. Read and think quickly my dear, the clock is ticking." 

Gemma took the pages and stood. She hurried to their office where Owain was waiting, nervous. "So?"

She handed him half the stack. "We have to read."

"Great my life hangs on my ability to read, I'm fucking dyslexic, this is going to go great." Owain said. But he opened the file. "Holy Shit, this is Arthur's file. From when he was Galahad." He looked at  couple others. "These are everyone's files. Why do we have them?"

"To learn about being weak." Gemma said. "Read as much as you can, we have an hour."

"Hate homework, you owe me a kinder egg." Owain began to read. They both skimmed the files.

"Everyone was mission successful, how does this help me?" Gemma said as she threw down her last page. "Arthur must be playing a game."

"You are reading them wrong." Owain said. "I think? Maybe. The words are starting to swim." He held out a file to her. "Here is your Galahad."

"His first kill was the Arthur before Harry, and then like a kajillion people at the big day." Gemma said. Eggsy had told her lots when he made her his candidate. 

"No, but those were before he was at the table. They don't count. Here, look." Owain turned a page to Gemma. "Mission successful, retrieved data chip. 3 dead. Suggest Agent Galahad take an anti-nausea before mission. Vomit contains potential DNA for tracing." Owain looked at his twin. "He got sick, his first mission, he got sick Morrvyd."

Gemma frowned. "But Eggsy is like the best."

"And he had trouble." Owain poked at the pages. "Read again. Quick."

When time was almost up Gemma scooped up the files. "Come on then, we're in this together right?"

"Oh thank god, if I had to wait alone again, I likely would have been climbing the walls." Owain hopped up. "That's not a lie, you would have come back and i would have been stuck to the ceiling."

"You are a dork."

"No your boyfriend is a dork, I'm more an overgrown puppy."

Gemma flushed a little. "Not my boyfriend."

"You keep telling yourself that." Owain said. "You like the boss man? I think he's swell, unhinged, though guess that's to be expected. He has sex in the panic room you know."

"Actually he has sex everywhere he can." Sin said smiling at the two newest agents. "He claims it is still the honeymoon phase. And right on time. Come on in."

They followed Sin into Arthur's office. Gemma looked at the men in there and swallowed.

"I think you might have questions my dear, and these four men are the best to answer them."

Sin, Kay, Tristan, and Bors stood in a row by Harry's desk.

"No Galahad?" Gemma asked.

"Morrvyd, he felt he could sway you too much and asked not to be a part of this exercise, he'll answer any questions later." Harry sat on his couch. "Owain, tea?"

"Nah, tea is crap. Got a coke?" 

Harry closed his eyes. "I weep."

"Don't seem to be, seem to be fighting a smile." Owain said cheekily. Bors coughed a little and Owain subsided.

Gemma looked at all the men. "Why you blokes then?"

Kay smiled kindly. "Because we were weak."

Both Owain and Gemma looked to Tristan.

Tristan sighed. "Do you think a man owning ten dogs is really sane?"

"Hey you only own nine, your girl owns the tenth, he just refuses to leave the pack." Sin said. He hopped up onto Harry's desk. "I'm the best liar you'll ever meet. Best the Kingsman have ever had. My first mission went textbook, smooth as silk, found the girl, seduce her, stole the plans and left a beautiful corpse. It was so perfect that Chester put a special note in my file that said I didn't need counseling that I was fine and should be good for the next long term mission whenever." Sin's smile was just a little hollow. "Doesn't say in there that I slept on my mother's grave for three nights after I was home and it would have been four, but Tristan bundled me up and brought me back to his place." He looked at them. "Mama was always good at making it better. But couldn't quite fix how empty I felt."

Tristan shrugged. "I killed 5 men and got two new dogs. It sort of spiraled after that. I shut off, shut out. It was easier. Do you know, until the last year, I don't know how many Kingsman even knew my name was Graham. I tracked, I killed, I hid away with my garden and my dogs."

"But you both did it, you both fell apart like mental idiots after, but you did the damn job." Gemma protested. "Be great to fall apart after, I fell apart in the middle."

Bors looked at them. "So did I."

Owain looked at his mentor in shock.

"It's true. I had to kill one guy, and he was right in front of me and I couldn't." Bors grinned. "Didn't always love blowing up shit. But I couldn't...I couldn't look at him and kill him with my hands. So I hit him and threw a grenade and ran for cover. I can do it now, been on the job long enough. But if I can blow them up instead of seeing them, yeah, that's what I go for."

Owain whistled. "I just thought you liked the earth shattering kaboom."

"Well, it is fun isn't it?" He smiled. "Doc says he's always amazed I haven't lost more hearing, but advantage to being married to the head of R&D I have specially designed earplugs for each mission." 

Kay rolled his eyes a little. "I am a code breaker, a locksmith. Not supposed to kill as much as others, and I don't. I pray each time, I kill someone, over their body, that they may find peace. My first kill I wept and tried to save him even as he choked on his own blood."

Gemma looked at Harry. "What about you?"

"My first kill was an accident." Harry said. "A brick fell of the building and killed them and I claimed that I had rigged it. After that absurd bit of theatre, I just sort of disassociate when I kill. Merlin worried for a time that I had multiple personality disorder or something. Really I just sort of step aside and try to make the agent a different person from the man. It seldom works." Harry looked at her. "All of us have nightmares, drink, fuck, pray, have dogs, knit, game, something that is an outlet. Does that make us weak?"

She shook her head. "But -"

"Do you know how you balance Owain?" Bors asked her. Gemma bit her lip. "He's not right."

"Hey!" Owain protested.

"Left alone, he'd go dark side in a few years. He's affable but he would go all Hannibal or Annakin, or something I don't know. The ruthless in him needs to be checked with your heart."

"Why didn't you sort me Slytherin then?" Owain pouted.

"Because you aren't about ambition and to think in the history of Hogwarts no Gryffindor went bad is horseshit." Tristan explained.

Owain nodded, he knew they weren't wrong.

"Merlin wanted you at the table Morrvyd even after putting a note in your file wondering if you would ever be able to kill. You call this weakness, it may in fact be a strength." Harry smiled. "You came in with a prepared speech earlier. Would you like to finish it?"

Gemma looked at the Kingsmen in the room. She said nothing for so long Owain pinched her. "No sir. Seems I rather forgot what I wanted to say."

"Oh thank you Flying Spaghetti Monster." Owain said in relief.

Harry dismissed everyone, he wanted a nap. 

 

A few months later Gemma learned there was a way she wouldn't hesitate to kill. A couple guys had Owain cornered and she ran over and broke them into tiny bits before emptying a clip into them.

No one fucked with Morrvyd's twin.


	65. Origin Story Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bors wasn't always a bomb boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so last chapter we learned about how Bors became a bomb nut. So I thought that now was the perfect time to show you how Bors joined the Kingsman. Takes place shortly after the last chapter (this is one of the closest moments we have for linear time line)

Owain sat at the bar and drank some bitters. He stared at the moisture ring on the wood. "You blow shit up, so you have to kill people less face to face?" He nodded. "I suppose that makes a good amount of sense."

"I mean, now it is just as much about boom splosions." Bors said cheerfully as he drank some cider. "And sure, these days I empty a clip in a bloke's face for touching my yarn." He laughed and slapped Owain on the back. "But yup, dollars to donuts, I'll blow it up if I can."

"Dollars to donuts?" 

"There was an American a few jobs ago, he said that, I decided to add it to my vocabulary." Bors pouted. "It doesn't work?"

"Since I've never seen you eat a donut, not really."

"Yeah that's what Pilar said." Bors sighed. "I want a catchphrase."

"You've been on the job how long and don't have one?" Owain was surprise, seemed like something that he would have had.

"24-ish years I guess?" Bors shrugged. "Not so good with dates."

"Why did you pick me?" Owain asked. "I mean I was your pub trivia guy and you picked me to save the freaking world."

Bors smiled. "People hated Arthur."

"Harry's awesome. Crazy as fuck, but awesome."

"Yeah, but he weren't always boss man, were he?" Cider always made Bors's accent slip a little. "The old guy, Chester King, I fucking hated him. He treated Pilar like shit, because of her accent or her boobs, or the fact she's smarter than all of us. So before her, was just whatever, everyone hates their boss, but he tried to get her fired a half dozen times her first couple years."

"If he was Arthur couldn't he?"

"Merlin had declared he was keeping her. Even Chester knew you didn't go against Merlin." Bors sighed. "Right so back to you, I picked you because Chester would have hated you." Bors raised his glass in salute. "See me, my Mum was posh, my Dad wasn't."

"How is this about you picking me?" Owain wondered.

"Give me time, Jesse, let me meander to it." Bors said, drinking a little more. "So not posh, Dad, not even a little. Dock worker, from a long line of dock workers and sailors. And Mum fell for his rough hands and was told in polite terms, to show up at 3 family occasions a year, all nice and by herself, for appearances sake, but otherwise she was unwelcome at home. Story usually goes two ways right, the girl caves and goes back to her life of privilege, or suffers nobly, under the strain of poverty and too many children until she dies too young."

"Oh crap, is that what happened?" Owain asked.

"Nope, not even a little." Bors grinned. "You know why I like a clever girl who can beat the shit out of you? My mum beat dock workers at arm wrestling any day of the week, didn't pay for a pint for as long as she was alive. She also held three patents on like like gear thingies or something. Not enough to make us like super rich, but enough that we had a nice house and they worked because they would be bored otherwise. I got sent to a fancy public school and on holidays Da taught me everything he knew and Mum tried to teach me everything she knew. Once they saved enough money that we sailed for six months while they took sabbaticals. It was awesome. We were sunburned the whole time." Bors remembered fondly. "Did well enough in Uni, actually did great in my social studies and psych classes. I'm good at knowing how people tick."

"Uh?" Owain hesitated to say anything. "You forget your wife everywhere, and took months to jump off your cliff."

"Hey, said other people, not myself." Bors protested. "Thought about going to grad school. Mum and Dad were pleased at the idea."

"Why didn't you?" Owain asked.

"Started. I was in a Master's course, one about class systems and we had a guest lecturer. And he and I got into a rather heated argument. So much so that the rest of the class left and we ended up at a bar arguing about, god so many things. The pub kicked us out at closing time we were still going."

Owain could well believe this, they had been kicked out of their pub a bunch because Bors argued with the trivia question. "What happened?"

"He handed me a card and said, if I wanted to do more than just talk about saving the world, I should show up at that address, next Friday and put on a better posh accent than I had been using." Bors smiled. "It was Guinevere. Harry always bucked the system loudly and vocally. Michael, been about quiet anarchy. Chester didn't realize I wasn't completely "their sort" until after I passed the dog test and he couldn't do shit about it. Never warmed up to me after that, I got shit assignments, but that lead to Mexico, to Pilar so you know, silver linings."

"So you picked me because a dead guy would have hated me?" Owain frowned a little. "I kind of hoped for a better reason than that."

"You also remind me of me, I guess." Bors shrugged. "Well that and we're mates. Like working with friends, makes the job nicer." He put his drink down. "Life lesson, when you pick a candidate, it is never done how you think it should be, always pick a random reason. Makes it all more interesting."

"Do you really think I could go full Moriarty evil without Morrvyd?" Owain swirled the liquid in his glass. "I don't like that."

"Yeah, kid, think you could. But we'll all keep you sane."

"Dude, you talking about sanity, not comforting."

Bors clapped a hand on his back. "I'm not that crazy." He yelled over to the jukebox where Twitch and Pilar were doing the Charleston to Metallica and somehow pulling it off. "Am I crazy?"

They both just rolled their eyes and nodded. 

Bors grabbed Owain and dragged him over and pulled him into some sort of horrible dance. "Okay, so I'm a little messed up. Welcome to the family kid." He spun Owain out and pulled him back in.

"I'm not sleeping with any of you." Owain warned as he started to two step.

"Nah, our bed is full enough. But we could use a little brother to annoy." Twitch replied.

"That dress looks good on you Twitch." 

"Thanks! Jasper picked it out." 

Owain decided not to comment on a turtle picking out a dress.

"How is this going to stop me from going all dark side?" Owain asked even as he kept dancing.

"Because, little bro, everyone else will tell you about how serious it all is, and what we need to do to cope. What they all forget, is that sometimes, sometimes, saving the world is a heck of a lot of fun." Bors winked. 

Owain smiled. "Yeah. I guess it is." He began to jump up and down to the music.


	66. Take Your Son to Work Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: can we have some fluffy Harry and Eggsy father/son stuff?
> 
> This is set about half a dozen years or so in the future of the main time line. White Hart on the loose.

"I dinnae like this idea." Merlin grumbled.

"You dinnae like any of my ideas." Harry countered. Eggsy sat on the couch and pretended to be invisible. Which was hard because he was vibrating with excitement.

"This could be a trap." Merlin offered next.

"It might be, but since we're the best of the best, we'll be fine."

"Really, I saw your last gun certification Harry." Merlin arched a brow.

Harry glowered. "Not like sniper rifles was something I needed to use anyways."

"It's good networking." Eggsy said. He shrank back into his corner at his husband's glare. "He's gonna go anyways, why fight it?"

"Because sending the head of our organization and one of our best agents to a super secret Spy convention seems like a dumb fucking idea Eggsy."

"Nu-uh, bloody brilliant I think." Eggsy answered. "Look it, head of Mossad, CIA, MI-5 and 6, and a bunch of other BAMF people are going to be there. Talking about global security, and getting their knickers in a bunch with the politics of it all. We aren't political we can help keep it civil."

"Harry will kill them all for being morons."

"Okay, true, but I'll stop him." Eggsy looked at him. "These people are going to be making plans, that we'll end up having to clean up, might as well get on the ground floor of it."

Merlin frowned as both men turned their most powerful puppy eyes on him. "Fine. Go. Bring me back a damn souvenir." Merlin stalked out of the office.

Harry and Eggsy waited until he was well away before they did a fist bump and cheered.

*****************************

"Okay, Merlin was right, this was a dumb idea." Eggsy said after he pulled Harry from a meeting where he made the head of the KGB cry.

"I have never seen so much collected dumbfuckery in one place. I didn't even know it was possible to have so much stupidity collected without collapsing the entire world." Harry said. "It would be a mercy killing." He started back to the room.

"Road trip to Vegas?" Eggsy blurted out. Harry paused.

And put his gun away.

Eggsy smiled in relief. 

They were gone within an hour and perhaps didn't inform their office of their detour.

*****************************

Harry sat at the poker with his most serious face and the woman next to him inched away a little. Harry lost a thousand dollars in less than an hour and was well pleased with what he learned. He still sucked at cards. But he had done what a man in a suit was supposed to do and went to find the bank of Wonder Woman slot machines he had noticed when he had arrived. He had a blast sitting next Marge and Nellie from Montgomery Alabama and they cheered when he won fifty dollars. Eggsy found him eventually debating going to a keno room, where the group of women were all meeting up. 

"Harry won tickets to a show." Eggsy said cheerfully. "Wanna check it out, one of those dumb gymnast music thingies, but you know could be fun betting on if any of them screw up their routine."

"You used to be a gymnast."

"That's why I can make fun of it." Eggsy grinned.

Harry made his goodbyes to the ladies with a promise to meet them at the breakfast buffet.

The show was fairly enjoyable and Harry found them a nice whiskey bar two hotels over. They sat and shared a drink.

"Harry?"

"Yes Eggsy?" Harry sipped the bourbon and thought maybe Americans had a few uses after all.

"Nevermind." Eggsy finally answered.

Harry put his drink down. "Eggsy?"

"It's stupid."

"Perhaps but I doubt it. Stupidity is rarely found in your actions." Harry smiled. "That is Bors, and myself for the most part."

"Couple of the blokes at that conference were talking, comparing their kids, in that way asshole parents do." Eggsy said. "And it got me thinking I guess, would my dad have bragged about me like that? He wouldn't have, because they were all well my kid got into Harvard law, and my kid made the olympic team, and blah blah blah. All I had at that age were my record with the filth."

"If Lee had lived you wouldn't have gone down that path." Harry said.

"Might have. Might have just been the bad apple." Eggsy replied.

"No, Eggsy. You are many things, but bad apple? Never." Harry looked at him. "Eggsy you save the world countless times over, you help and care for your friends to an absurd degree. What isn't there to be proud of?"

"Took me a long time to get it all sorted."

"Not so long, not in the scheme of things. I didn't figure out relationships until my fifties Eggsy, and as everyone is happy to say I'm still a little rubbish at it."

"Michael doesn't think so." Eggsy smiled. "He never shuts up about how amazing you are." He sighed. "I guess sometimes I wish there was a man out there who dragged out his phone to annoy people with pictures of me."

"Merlin shows everyone that picture of your ass whenever he's drunk." Harry offered.

Eggsy grinned. "Well that's something."

They finished there drinks and walked back to their hotel, Harry bitching about the heat the whole time, Eggsy teasing him about being an old man.

*******************************

They spent the next two days poking around Vegas, Eggsy doing well at craps and poker, Harry finding the most annoying slot machines he could and making friends with every little old lady on a group tour that he could find. They ate way too much food, Harry loving breakfast buffets, and loathing dinner ones and Eggsy found a sports bar that he never wanted to leave.

But they realized they were expected home the next day and had to make up a great many lies to cover their tracks. Charon was due to pick them up from the convention location and if they weren't there Merlin would kill them.

Harry looked at his watch. "Eggsy, I found a yarn shop, if you want to get some souvenir yarn. One of the ladies recommended it from her last tour trip."

Eggsy beamed at Harry. "Thanks mate. I got you a t-shirt that glows in the dark."

"Splendid." Harry said dryly. He drove them out to the yarn shop where Eggsy went happily around picking out a few things. Harry spoke to the proprietor a little and managed to get them 10% off due to their charming accents.

They went back to the hotel and collected their bags. "I'll go check us out Harry." Eggsy offered. "You make sure we got everything yeah?"

Harry nodded, busy reading a couple emails. Eggsy went down to the front desk and checked them out. He turned and blinked when he was surrounded by six senior ladies. "Uh, excuse me?" He tried to get by, but they sort of circled him.

"He is cute." One said. 

"Hmmm, yes. Perhaps even better than the photos." One said with a wink.

Eggsy was terrified.

A woman with a walker stepped forward. "Sorry sonny, your Da kept us old ladies company in the keno room and at the slots. Real gentleman he were. Men in suits like that usually right bastards, only play high stakes stuff, make fun of us old folks, but he made this trip real special for all of us."

All the women nodded. Eggsy smiled, of course Harry did.

"You know though, he's not getting any younger, bet he'd like to hold a grandchild soon. Sounded right wistful about it, you know. Not that he'd say anything to you." One lady with very scary red hair claimed. "Showed us photos of that grandnephew he did, talked about maybe one day, holding a real grandson not just an honourary one."

"Photos?" Eggsy asked.

"When we were showing him pictures of our grandkids, he broke out his phone, showed a million photos of you and your dogs, you and your friends, and sonny you need to keep better tension in those cables, they are just going to flop around on you." 

"I know, I suck at cabling no matter what I try." He replied distracted. "Wait, Harry showed you photos of me?"

"Course he did. Said he was here with his son, just a fun little getaway from the grind. Never shut up about how talented you are, just like a dad should about his son. Wish my Herbert was as proud of our kids." She muttered.

Eggsy saw Harry emerge from an elevator. "Thank you ladies, enjoy your trip home."

They all said their goodbyes and Eggsy walked over and grabbed a bag. "Come on, we're running behind."

"I'll drive then." Harry replied. "I'm always faster than you."

"You deal with Twitch yelling about respecting gear boxes." Eggsy muttered.

"I did for years, until I told him keep yelling at me and no more toys. I bought him a few cars and he left me be."

"Wanker."

"Me or him?"

"Both." Eggsy replied. They got in the car and drove back to where their convention had been and the next day Charon picked them up to fly them home.

"Good trip all in all I think, right Harry?" Eggsy asked as they sat in the comfy chairs.

"Yes, we learned a great deal and created important bonds." Harry grinned. "I got a lovely potato salad recipe."

"Those old ladies adored you." Eggsy looked at him. "Maybe we should do something like this again. Monte Carlo isn't so far from home."

"Ugh, they make you wear a tux." Harry pouted. "No fun slot machines at all."

"What about Reno?"

Harry's eyes gleamed. "Nellie said they had looser slot machines than Vegas, better giveaways too."

Eggsy laughed a little. "Next year then."

"Indeed, I'm sure there will be another conference of some sort that we need to attend."

"Bring the husbands?"

"No, they'll just complain and be fuddy duddies." Harry said.

"Yeah, just you and me then." Eggsy replied. "You know couple of your old ladies called you my father."

Harry flushed a little. "I didn't correct them when they suggested it. Just seemed easier to indulge them."

"Sure." Eggsy agreed. "Harry do you really think my dad would be proud of me, show off photos and the like?" Eggsy looked carefully at Harry who stared back equally seriously.

"I think that your father is proud of you every single day." Harry answered.

"Aces." Eggsy leaned back in his chair. 

"Hmmm, now we need to get our lies straight for our husband." Harry said.

"Sure." They made their plans, they could totally cover it.

Or they could have, if Eggsy hadn't accidentally turned on the camera on his glasses during a particularly bracing game of craps. 

They were both grounded for a month from playing together.

It had been totally worth it.


	67. Who Guards the Guardians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically this is like the chapters "there are other kingsman you know" but instead is various pet POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the number one request i always get is for more pet POV so going to do a lot of these chapters.  
> enjoy.

**The Past**

Dad came home!

He came home and all in one piece. Lots of people came back hurt and sad and he and all the dogs tried to make them better. Lots of licks and cuddles and happy noises. After mean boy threw water and mean man made dad point the boom machine, Dad had given lots of cuddles and that made JB feel all happy in his tummy, so he knew if all the dogs gave the sad suit men cuddles, they would feel better. And it worked because JB was clever, that was what Dad said whenever he got things right, which was all the time. Sort of, well, most of the time. Dad said he tried real hard. JB did, he tried so hard and it seemed to help.

Dad had bad dreams now. Mean monsters made Dad wake up screaming. JB growled at the shadows to let them know they weren't welcome and he cuddled.

Dad said his cuddles fixed everything.

But bad dreams didn't go away.

JB kept trying to fix it.

Dad came home happy one day. JB barked and danced, Dad happy was good.

"Walk to go meet someone real important?" Dad asked. JB woofed. Of course, if Dad said they were important, must be super duper important. Even more than bald man with board who frowned but always had treats.

JB hurried to the door and after a moment remembered to sit like a good boy. Because he was a good boy.

Dad clipped his leash on. JB walked outside with him. Outside still looked rough, sad, but better. Clearly other dogs were doing like him and fixing things. 

They took a short walk and ended up at a skinny house, sort of like the one they walked by a lot and Dad made a sad noise about.

Dad knocked on the door and there was a woman's voice asking who it was. JB woofed, didn't they know it was Dad? 

"It's me Mum, brought a surprise to cheer Dais up." Dad said. 

JB was the best at cheer up, Dad said. That wasn't said in the sad lie voice, that was always clear true voice.

Woman opened the voice. JB said hello. She sort of smelled and looked like Dad. 

Ooooh more pack. JB remembered his manners and sat and her feet and grinned. 

"He's adorable Eggsy." Woman gushed. "He'll make her feel great."

Dad lead him into a room and Woman went away. Dad unclipped his leash and crouched down. That meant serious.

"Daisy is my wee little sister and she's been scared, because of what happened and because her Da is not so good." Dad scratched his ears and JB made happy noise, ear scratches are the best. "So I have an important job for you JB. You know how you take care of me? I need you to take care of my Daisy, my special flower. She needs lots of looking after, and I know you'll do a great job."

JB wiggled, of course he would. Dad asked him.

He would look after the flower.

Woman brought back the flower who was small. But also part of the pack. Woman sat down on the couch and JB didn't hop up. Looked comfy, but Flower was hiding and jumping might scare. He waited at Woman's feet until Flower looked down. He wiggled and smiled and woofed. Flower smiled and JB did his best trick that always woke Dad up from bad dream.

He pushed up and licked her toes. All humans liked toe licks.

Flower giggled and tucked her feet up but JB waited and Flower slowly put her toes back down. JB licked again. She laughed out loud.

JB looked over at Dad who was crying a little. "First time she's laughed JB in a long time. Good dog JB knew you'd be great."

JB barked happily. He then hopped up onto the couch and sat beside Flower. An hour later they fell asleep together on the couch.

JB liked Flower, she was warm and soft and smelled like Dad.

He would keep her safe, just like he did Dad.

Licks and cuddles.

For both. Always.

 

**The Present**

No.

Unacceptable.

His human and the not his human had been playing videos over and over some a screaming, wriggling thing.

And cooing at it. Noises that were his noises. That were his due. And over something that looked like Winston Churchill. No, the great Dread Pirate Mewttins would have no of this. His human would return to proper levels of worship. Spare human also needed to shape up, he was getting his eyeballs stepped on in his sleep.

They were watching again. UNACCEPTABLE.

Dread Pirate Mewttins stood in front of the computer screen and meowed. Harry picked him up and he was pleased, finally proper affection.

And Harry put him on the ground.

His human put him on the ground. His human never put him down. Dread Pirate Mewttins whimpered. No he didn't, it wasn't a sad noise. It was a sound of disdain. He didn't need his human's affection. He was the strongest, fiercest creature of them all. What did he care that they were focused on those loud videos of the thing in the blue rocking box? He wasn't sad. He was angry, that's it. Angry.

Dread Pirate Mewttins stalked off to the Human's bedroom. It wasn't to sleep on his human's pillow because it smelled like his human. It was just the most broken in pillow in the house.

He woke up heard the crying. Again they were watching that video. Maybe someone had brainwashed his human and spare human. That was the only explanation. He would go and free them from their captors.

Dread Pirate Mewttins stalked down to the family room and paused. Spare human's pack were over.

The crying thing from the videos was in their home.

His home.

Dread Pirate Mewttins let free his most fearsome meow. The noisy thing had to be made aware of the pecking order. Him, his human, then he supposed spare human had a place. Then everyone else merely existed for their amusement. Dread Pirate Mewttins stalked over. He was going to have to get rid of the women and their thing that had his humans, he means his human and spare human, in its thrall. 

He jumped on the back of the couch and went around the back of pretty woman and looked at the screaming thing. Still Winston Churchill-y. 

"Hello DPM." Pretty woman said. Ugh, she was one of the ones that did that annoying short name thing. His name was glorious, they should not cheapen him so.

"Dread Pirate Mewttins, this is Declan, Sarah and Roxy's son." His human explained. He meowed, what did he care for the lineage of the screaming thing. His human continued. "Declan is small and weak and it is up to us to keep him safe in a cruel world." His human looked at him. "I know how well you keep me safe and I know how strong and fierce you are. I had hoped that you could offer some of that strength to him."

"Good lord, laying it on a little thick aren't you?" Spare human said with that eye roll he did.

Dread Pirate Mewttins and Harry ignored Spare human as they usually did. Dread Pirate Mewttins looked at the screaming thing. It did seem weak.

His human would be sad if it was harmed. He did not find the idea of his human being sad acceptable.

Very well, tiny screaming thing would be protected. He went over and swatted at the toy the other woman was dangling over screaming thing. It might have fallen. Silly human.

Dread Pirate Mewttins was surprised. It stopped screaming. It was actually pretty cute. Smelled nice.

Oh god, it had captured his mind just as it had his humans.

Very well. Keep friends close, keep enemies closer.

He would keep an eye on the wee thing. 

Their fight for global supremacy would be the stuff of legend.

When no humans were looking Dread Pirate Mewttins swatted a little at the toes, just to get a warning shot in.

Screaming thing kicked his ear.

Well played. Well played.

 

**The Future**

Gregor looked at the pack. Being in charge didn't sit well with him, but he was the eldest now. Bilbo, Percy, and Annabeth's leashes still hung on the wall, though they had all been gone for a long time. He missed his friends, they all did. Bilbo would have liked this change. He had always been so worried about Sir, this would have made him realize that Sir was all better now.

Hiccup was running in circles all excited. He was full grown, had been but stayed excitable about change. But this was important, they all had to get it right.

Sir had brought home a few pieces of itty bitty tiny clothes for them all to smell and scent. They all had taken turns and sniffed the scraps of fabric. It smelled nice, like it belonged here.

Sir and Ma'am had been preparing them for the change for months, talking to them, training them, explaining the changes. Hiccup had tried to pay attention and Gregor tried to make him focus. LS and Wendy-lady had accepted it easily, and Hermione and Madeline had taken to sleeping in the new room that looked like the garden had come inside. Gregor was surprised the new room wasn't more like Harry Potter. But Sir had said, that was more for later.

Neville had taken to walking the perimeter of the house making sure it was safe.

They were ready for the change.

It was just such a big change. Even more than when Ma'am moved in. Or the day where pretty man said words in front of everyone that made Sir and Ma'am life mates, pack forever. This change to the pack changed all their roles.

They had grown smaller.

Now, today they were going to be bigger.

The dogs heard the car and scrambled to get in a row by the door. Gregor nudged them all into place. Sir opened the door a little and came in first.

"Hello everyone, has Sin taken good care of you?" Sir asked. Gregor woofed. Pretty man with his sweetie pie had played well with them, taken long walks. "Gregor, come outside with me, we'll introduce you first so no one is overwhelmed." Gregor followed Sir out.

He was so scared, it should be Bilbo who was here to be in charge of this. He couldn't get it wrong. Gregor saw Ma'am standing there, holding a funny thing. The funny thing held the change.

"Hello Gregor." Ma'am said. She put the funny thing down and moved the blanket a bit.

Change was wearing a tiny little knit cap with floppy ears. It was the colour of Bilbo's fur. Gregor went closer to Change, it was sleeping.

"We named her Violet." Ma'am said. "She seems to have inherited her height from me more than Graham. She's so small."

Change wasn't that small, Gregor was sure Hiccup had been smaller when he joined the pack. Gregor sniffed Change. He nodded a little and went to Sir. Sir should bring Change in, little ones needed their rooms, their beds, with pack protecting them.

Bilbo would have liked Change.

Gregor liked Change. She gave Sir a new smile.

It was nice that pack had grown again. 

 


	68. Scarf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: can we have more knitting
> 
> You bet you can (though as ever this meandered)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set a few years in the future, about 8 or so, well after the accident and Merlin getting his swagger back

Eggsy sat out in the hospital garden, he liked the spot when waiting for Merlin. When Merlin first came to these support group meeting he was always destroyed after, but these days they were more about catching up with people. And they helped remind Merlin he wasn't so alone in this. So Eggsy brought some yarn and sat in the garden and worked on a scarf. The ladies in the knitting circle all laughed, if he didn't have a specific project in mind, boom another scarf. All the Kingsman as well as his mum and Daisy were kept well warm in the winter.

He thought he had finally mastered cables. Well not mastered. Had a handle on them. Okay, they didn't look as crap as Harry's knitting. Who never got better, but Michael displayed each tea cozy with pride, buying a bunch more teapots just to do so. Sarah had shown him mistake and random cables and those were a lot more fun that just the constant cabling. So he had Merlin install a random number generator on his glasses and 'rolled' and cabled when it said certain numbers. He thought the cables looked pretty cool, he liked the chaos of it, but knew that this scarf wasn't meant for him, he wondered who it was for. Ah well, like Tristan always said, the wand chooses the wizard.

"Innit a little lame for a bloke to be knitting like that?" A young voice asked.

Eggsy didn't look up, "Innit a little lame for a kid to be implying bullshit gender norms?"

"Where's your knitting bag then?" The kid asked. "It got cats on it?"

Eggsy reached under the bench. "Nope pugs. I like pugs."

"They are an abomination of forced genetics to please old ladies who knit."

Eggsy finally looked at him. "Jesus aren't you a peach." He smiled a little sadly. "But he is getting on up in years, especially for a pug. Hopefully we have a few more together, he's a good dog. Q will be sad if he goes." He frowns. "Jesus Q is getting old too." He stared at the kid. "And you've bummed me out thanks."

"Sure." He paused. "What sort of dog is Q another crime of forced breeding that leaves animals in misery?"

"English Mastiff there PETA." 

"PETA are fucking wankers who have to burn in hell." The kid sneered.

"That I'll agree with." Eggsy said. He put his knitting away. "Husband will be expecting me. This wasn't charming."

"Posh git."

"Cliched teen, get some eyeliner." Eggsy grabbed his pug bag and went to find Merlin.

************************

A couple weeks later, they had called asking Merlin to lead a session as they sometimes did so they went in, even thought Merlin generally went once a month. It was raining too much so Eggsy went to the cafeteria and ate a pretty decent slice of cake and drank a cup of appalling tea.

"Still working on that lame project I see?" There was a scrape of chair and the kid sat down.

"Still being an annoying git I see." Eggsy replied. He kept working on the scarf. "What are you going to yell at me about today?"

"Posh gits like you ruin the economy." The kid said. "Why aren't you at some fancy hospital, or like private facility. Aren't you worried the rabble here my touch your fine clothes, infect you with poor cooties?"

Eggsy began to laugh. "Oh fuck that was funny."

The kid looked so affronted. "Right because us poor people are a laugh riot."

"Bruv, you ain't special for being poor. Got to read people be'er than that if you want you want to play. Now how about you try again before you lose too much cred or somfing." Eggsy slipped into his estuary voice easily.

"You faking?" The kid tried to sound tough.

"Nope grew up a council boy, just like you I'm guessing. Though I hope like fuck that the chip on my shoulder was smaller than yours." Eggsy smiled. "Got arrested a bunch."

"Fucking filth, try to keep us down."

"Yup, course I was also up to a lot of bad stuff." Eggsy grinned. "Work for a tailor now, hence the posh clothes. But trust me bruv, I ain't so posh."

"So who's the scarf for then?" The kid asked.

"Dunno, not me, I know that. Not my husband either, made him a bunch but he only wears the first one I made him. Getting worn down, but he won't trade me. Maybe a coworker or old friend." Eggsy shrugged. "Wand chooses the wizard."

The kid lit up. "Love those movies."

"Aww, look who isn't so tough now?" Eggsy teased. "Books are better."

"Wouldn't know." The kid smirked. "My library card been rejected for overdue fines."

Eggsy sighed. "I need to piss."

"Yeah, you ain't posh." 

Eggsy left his bag and supposedly went to the loo. He came back to see the kid eating the crumbs off his plate. He sat down and put three books in front of the kid. "There will be a quiz later."

The kid looked at them and frowned. "Don't need no fucking charity."

"I work with a guy who if he found out I knew a Potter fan but one who hadn't read the books, he'd kill me if I didn't get that kid the books." Eggsy smiled. "I mean actually kill me. Plus I'm a Hufflepunk, being kind is in the DNA."

"Whatever. Arsehole." The kid got up but he took the books with him.

Eggsy smiled and decided to add a cable to the scarf.

***********************

"Right so Sirius is cool. Even cooler than the movies. So is Remus." The kid dropped onto the bench beside Eggsy.

"God you again?" Eggsy groaned. He actually had the scarf done, and was weaving in the ends. He was debating blocking it, but worried that would flatten the cables too much, he liked how wriggly the scarf looked.

"Yup." The kid grinned. 

"You aren't a patient, not in one of the ugly gowns, you just haunt these halls for something to do?"

"Nah, get dropped off, supposed to go to a thing, pretend I do, wait to get picked up again." The kid shrugged. "The thing is boring and stupid and won't help none, don't need no help."

"Everyone needs help sometimes. If I ever actually like you, I'll tell you about the muffin incident." Eggsy said. "Thank christ, only three more ends. My knitting group always tells me, weave as you go but I'll always forget and then get annoyed at doing it."

"All old ladies the knitting group? You all gossip about Corey?"

"Hey Coronation Street is a delight make no mistake, but nah, we mostly talk about sex." Eggsy teased.

"Gross."

Eggsy laughed. "And it's a couple people my age, and a couple not." Eggsy frowned. "Our oldest died a couple years ago, fuck still miss Doris. She actually stabbed people with a knitting needle. Honest to god stabbed, got it a good two inches into the skin."

"Bitch was hardcore." The kid said impressed.

"She was." Eggsy worked on the last end. "If you're going to keep haunting me, want to learn how to knit?"

"Fuck off." The kid got up and faced Eggsy, quivering in rage. "Just fuck right off, that supposed to be a joke?"

"Nope, honest question. You seem like the sort who needs a hobby that mellows you out. Prisons teach people to knit to chill them out."

"How am I supposed to knit with one fucking arm?" The kid yelled.

"So I'll get Liz to teach you crochet." Eggsy shrugged. 

"That's it, that's all you got to say?" The kid seemed to hunch into himself.

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to ask about it, how it happened, why it happened? Do you want me to stare, or weep at your tragic tale?" Eggsy looked at him. "Want me to mention that I think I know what you are here for and that I think you would benefit from actually going to the support group? That maybe it would help the angry that surrounds you?"

"What do you know about it? You look fine."

"Oh I'm all sorts of not fine, but it is my husband who goes to the support group, kid and it has helped him plenty over the years. Why he keeps coming back, I can only help so much." Eggsy looked at him. "I promise it's not as horrible as you think."

"Come on, talk about my feelings, talk about how I miss my hand, how it never feels right, how I always feel unbalanced?" The kid started to pace. "How I miss my elbow? Who the fuck misses an elbow? I...miss banging it and swearing about fucking funny bones." The kid looked at Eggsy and was stripped bare. "What if they can't make it better?"

"Then you tell them to fuck off and find something else that works. But just running around the hospital, annoying me hasn't seemed to do you any favours." Eggsy tugged the scarf, made sure all the woven in ends seemed smooth, didn't poke out. He held it up, pleased with how it turned out.

"But annoying you is fun, you give as good as you get. Most people don't talk back to me like that. They pat me on the head and coo about my troubles and that I'm just acting out." He scowled.

"Hey I'll call an arsehole and arsehole no matter if he is twelve and missing an arm." Eggsy stood and stretched. "Sorry kid, just a fact - you're a dick."

"I'm thirteen, almost fourteen." 

"You're short, get more vitamins." Eggsy packed up his bag. He looked at the kid. "Go to one session of the support group, even if just to be able to yell at me after that you were right and it is bullshit."

The kid rolled his eyes. "Fine, just to shut you up."

"Thanks kid." Eggsy wrapped the scarf around the kid's neck. "Suits you kid." He opened his mouth to protest. "Wand chooses the wizard kid."

He looked like he had no idea what to do with this kindness. Eggsy walked away.

"Alexander." He called after Eggsy. "My name is Alexander. Not fucking kid."

"I'm Eggsy."

"Jesus that's a fucking horrible name." Alexander said. "You poor bastard."

"Seriously, eyeliner, maybe a nose ring, it would help the sneer." Eggsy replied. 

 

A few weeks later, he was walking through the hall and saw Alexander duck into the support group room.

Wearing the scarf.

And some eyeliner.


	69. A Court Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz goes to court for beating the hell out of Graham's abusive ex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This harkens back to chapter 35 and as ever doing what I want with the court situation.

Liz takes a deep breath and knocks on Sin's door. He swings it open but blocks Liz from coming in. "No."

"I'm here to apologize." She said quietly.

"Nope, you hurt him, I'm mad at you." Sin replied.

"I know. I'll make it right." 

"I'm taking two items off of the Liz shrine." Sin warned.

"You know I'll screw up again at some point, that's relationships." Liz looked at him. "It won't always be smooth sailing."

"There's a difference between forgetting your wife in Brighton, and not having faith in your partner to know your own mind." Sin glared.

"I think there might be something wrong with all of us that we use Bors's marriage as our relationship barometer." Liz said thoughtfully.

"It's the most stable relationship we've got." Sin paused. "Oh that's sad. But on the other hand, lots of people seem to want to give it a go." Sin looked at her. "You know what you did wrong? I mean really wrong?"

"I do, and I know how to fix it." She promised. "Graham deserves better than what I did."

"Okay then." Sin opened the door wide and walked to the living room where Harvey was actually cuddling Tristan. "Good kitty." He said in awe.

Liz looked at Tristan, who looked hollow. She walked a few steps over to him and gracefully sank to her knees. She wrapped her left hand around her right wrist behind her back and bowed her head.

Tristan looked to Sin in utter confusion. Harvey ran away.

Sin decided that his cat was the smartest animal ever. "Way above my pay grade." And he bolted for his own door. He was not dealing with whatever they were about to do.

Tristan heard Sin slam the door as he ran away from his own home. Liz didn't move, didn't look just stayed kneeling at his feet. 

"Liz? Ma'am?" Tristan asked. It took a couple tries to get the words out.

"I ask your forgiveness for my attitude sir. I was arrogant, and cruel, for not listening to you, for not hearing what you were saying." Liz kept her head down. Tristan swallowed hard when he saw a tear drop hit the floor. "I just...I wanted you to not hurt. And I believed that I, not you, knew what was best for you." Another tear fell. "I'm so sorry sir."

Tristan slid off the couch so that he was on the ground with her, his legs on either side of her kneeling form. He pulled her closer until her head was on his shoulder he wrapped her in a tight hug. "You calling me sir is really really weird."

She laughed a little. "Oh my Graham. I'm sorry." She said, trying to still hold onto perfect form, even as he was holding her close.

"Expelliarmus." He said and she broke and wrapped herself tight around him. She began to cry hard. It was a storm against his shoulder, and made him hurt for her.

"Okay." She said a few minutes later. "Okay, yeah, I'll go." She tried to get up and not look at him. "I...thank you for being mine for a little while. You are amazing. I'll collect Hiccup and my stuff and leave you alone." 

Tristan looked at her in shocked. "What the fuck?"

"I broke your trust in me. I gave you a bad order when we weren't even in a scene. I tried to control you." Liz looked at him. "Of course you are breaking up with me. Why wouldn't you? I'm like her."

He wouldn't let her go. "No."

"Graham, I hurt you." Liz looked at him. "I hurt you."

"You did, but I wasn't safe wording our relationship, I was safe wording you being all submissive. Not right."

"I had to show you I meant it." Liz said. "I've...I've never knelt before for anyone. Ever."

"Mine Liz." Tristan said. He touched the cuff on his wrist. "You're mine. You are nothing like her, never think that again." He looked at her. "I'm stronger you know. Stronger than when we saw her last. Because of you, because of Sin, because of everyone, and because of me." He gathered her into his arms. She was such a huge force in his life, that sometimes he forgot just how small she was in comparison to him. "Seeing her won't bother me."

"She and her lawyer will say horrible, lying things." 

"I'm sure." Tristan agreed. "But they can say whatever. We know the truth. And I don't go to face my past, prove anything to her. I want to go to your court date, because I want to support you. Because that is what partners do. I want to be able to hold my girlfriend's hand if she needs it."

"I am scared Graham." Liz said. He ran a hand over her hair. "The date kept getting pushed back, and I thought maybe it had gone away. And then it didn't. And I didn't want to bother anyone because this was my fault. I didn't want Harry or Merlin to make it go away, I hurt someone and should be punished accordingly."

"Do you know you defy sorting?" Tristan said. "I've sorted you into Ravenclaw for show, but I've resorted you 20 times and it has been split evenly between the houses." He smiled. "I rather like having a woman who is a little bit of everything."

She kissed him. "I have a nice suit and a terrifying Kingsman lawyer who says at most I'll get community service. And I'll have you with me. Maybe it won't be so bad." She closed her eyes. "But crap everyone knows about this fight. Tomorrow at knitting I'll be getting the sweater of shame."

"It won't be so bad." He stood up still holding her in his arms, like picking up a woman was nothing.

"There's a new one, it's bad." She said.

**************************

The next day Liz came home wearing a sweater covered in pigs with a collar that looked like tails.

"Okay it is that bad." Tristan said. "Wow."

"But Mrs Carson, understood that we are still recovering and need time this afternoon to put us in the proper mindset." Liz smiled.

"That means what?" Tristan asked.

"As long we are are doing happy naked time. No sweater." 

He laughed and watched her strip to her skin. He happily followed her to the bedroom.

Several hours later Liz groaned.

"What ma'am?" Tristan asked from where he was on the ground.

"Sin is covering over. Seems he's worried about us. Said to stop being naked." Liz stood. "Come on, don't think he'll take no for answer."

"Leviosa." Tristan said his slow down word. Liz immediately crouched beside him. 

"Baby?" Liz asked, she touched his cheek.

"I...don't want to stop kneeling." He admitted. "I'm nervous, just a little, and down here is good."

"Okay, that's fine. Sin won't mind you kneeling, he knows how we are." Liz promised.

"Do I really have to get dressed?" He asked sadly.

Liz thought about it. "Well, I am, I am not comfortable being naked around Sin. But if that honestly, truly doesn't bother you and you want to stay naked. I don't have a problem with that." He looked relieved. "But I'm talking about it with Sin when he gets here, and if he doesn't consent to being around that, it's over."

"Yes ma'am." Tristan said happily.

When Sin showed up 40 minutes later, Liz told him that Tristan was feeling rough and was kneeling, naked, Sin just shrugged.  "Like I haven't seen his junk before." He walked into the living room. "Hey I brought food and old screwball comedies." He pat all the dogs that swarmed him. "Yes, yes you mutts, I brought all of you treats too." Sin set his bags down and hugged Liz and went over and kissed Tristan's head. "Right, then. Thin Man, or Lady Eve first?"

They hung out for hours, and neither Liz nor Tristan would say how much better it was having Sin there. Especially when Sin went to the sewing room and found what Tristan had been cutting and made a mess of it. She watched them bicker.

"Oh god a couple more decades and you two are Harry and Merlin. Great, that's going to make old age fun." She said.

Tristan paused in his bickering. "Old age ma'am?"

"Well yeah. Wrangling you two when you're in your fifties? Good lord that is going to be work." She paused. "Wait, does that make me Merlin or Michael?"

"Merlin." Both men said. They knew, even if she didn't, even if Merlin didn't, that one day she'd be the one to replace their Quartermaster.

"Well, worse role models." She looked at the clock. "It's getting late boys. I'm off to bed." Tristan immediately stood. They said good night to Sin and locked the dogs down, and settled into bed. But neither could sleep.

"What do you need Graham?" She asked quietly.

"What do you need Liz?" He asked in return.

"Taking care of you is keeping me sane." She admitted.

"Big spoon?" He asked. "And maybe..." He didn't have to finish. She got up and opened their door and whistled. She went back to bed and wrapped around Tristan. Shortly after all the dogs and Sin had piled into the room.

"Shove over." Sin said and he got into the bed beside Tristan. "Not sleeping on the damn floor with the dogs, no matter how nice the dogs are." There were woofs of agreement. "So can't sleep?"

"No. You should bore us to sleep." Liz said.

"Hey I am quite charming, and never ever boring."

Tristan smiled. "So what do you think of Allison, the nanny that Harry hired, she seems to be settling in well." Liz muffled her laugh in Tristan's neck and they fell asleep after twenty minutes of Sin still talking about her hair.

*****************************

Liz stood outside her courtroom, lawyer beside her playing Pokemon Go, Sin and Tristan looking deadly and amazing in their Kingsman suits. 

She thought she looked rather good in her Kingsman suit as well. 

"Goddamn pidgey." Her lawyer groused. "Right. You two keep your mouths shut and don't glare at the other woman, no matter how much the bitch deserves it. You will do nothing to interfere with Ms Bhatia's chances in there." He looked at them. "Behave."

Both Sin and Tristan nodded. Tristan slid his hand into Liz's. "You are amazing." He said quietly.

"So are you. I don't regret hurting her for a second." Liz replied.

The lawyer sighed. "Remember, we talked about this, you are supposed to find one tiny nugget of remorse in you somewhere, so you can look contrite in there." 

"Right, right." Liz agreed. She heard a lot of footsteps and looked down the hall. "Oh crap."

The men all turned and stared. "Oh crap." They all repeated.

The lawyer pinched in between his eyes. "Well so much for subtlety."

Eggsy grinned at Liz. "Knitters roll tight." He said and thumped his hand over his heart. She repeated the gesture, still stunned.

"Kingsman roll tight as well." Harry tried the same gesture and everyone just said, "No." He pouted. Liz went over and kissed his cheek. She looked at every Kingsman who stood there, agent and support staff. A dozen had come along all in their proper suits.

"Thank you." She wasn't going to cry, it took her forever to get her make up ready.

"It's time." The lawyer said. "All of you goddamn behave." He lead Liz in and they sat at their table, Tara and her lawyer already in the room. Tristan sat on the bench right behind Liz and all the rest of the Kingsman filled up the seats behind that.

Tara looked over and blinked at the crowd. She whispered furiously to her lawyer before looking back over. Sin gave her a two fingered wave, the other Kingsman just glared. Tristan acted like she didn't exist.

They stood for the judge who read the particulars of the case out loud and asked the lawyers to talk.

Tara's lawyer stood. "This is a simple case of assault. The other woman plead guilty, there were dozens of witnesses, open and shut sir." 

The Kingsman's lawyer was next. "I recommend that the charges be dismissed on the grounds that the other woman has in the past proven to be a lying, scheming, abusive, thieving, bitch ass twat, who got what was coming to her." He sat down.

Liz and Eggsy couldn't stop laughing as the judge fined the lawyer for language. Tristan looked over at Tara who looked furious.

But still the judge was curious. "Why are you claiming abusive? Ms Bhatia clearly instigated the fight in the restaurant after just a few sentences of conversation."

Liz's lawyer looked at Tristan. The judge followed the gaze. "Do you have something to say?"

Tristan stood and moved to the front of the court. "Sir. I was in a relationship with Tara McCoy for several months. In which time she grew increasingly abusive in word and action until a friend had to rescue me from a situation she left me in. She also stole my dogs."

Tara's lawyer stood. "The situation being discussed was the result of a dom/sub relationship and had been entered into with mutual consent. Miss McCoy contends that when the relationship began to sour, this man grew frustrated and exaggerated what was normal practice for them."

Tristan looked at the judge. "She switched out safety cuffs for real ones, and when I tried to say no to something she wanted and finally fought back, she knocked me unconscious, locked me in a closet and stole my dogs. I wasn't found for ten hours and there was no sight that she was going to return." He paused. "I never got a restraining order because my friends seemed to have scared her away. I...it took years for me to overcome the emotional scars she left, the physical ones linger."

The judge nodded. "Go sit down sir." He looked at Liz. "And you assaulted her because?"

"Because she touched him without permission or consent. Because he got scared and was clearly about to spiral into PTSD symptoms, when she called him an old nickname. I found the thought of that distasteful so I beat that bitch's ass down sir."

The judge nodded and also fined Liz for language.

He turned to Ms McCoy. "Is this accurate?"

Tara stood. "He is exaggerating I was going to come back. It was a scene that got a little carried away, but he sent a bunch of those thugs after me so I stayed away, didn't get a chance to apologize. Seemed rather pathetic of him, but then what can you expect from that sort?" All the Kingsman began to reach for their weapons, but the lawyer's cough stopped them. "Then when I saw them at the restaurant. I thought enough time had passed that maybe we could talk it out like rational adults, like sensible people but then his rough little guard dog there just went bloody mental. And I refuse to be treated and injured like that. So I went through with the charges." She sat down.

Liz's lawyer stood. "I actually have several affidavits here, showing that she has been kicked out of several clubs for her behaviour towards the clientele and in fact she in not welcome at several bars in town due to her abusive treatment of staff." He handed the information over to the judge who looked it over. He looked at the group assembled.

"Ms Elizabeth Bhatia is guilty of all charges." He said. "She is to pay a fine of 200 hundred pounds and serve 50 hours of community service and to issue a public apology to Ms McCoy right here and now for the public record." 

Liz nodded and stood. She looked directly at Tara who was smirking. "I'm sorry that you are a useless waste of human flesh and I'm sorry that I didn't leave you bloodier and I am sorry that you are so pathetic a dom that you have to be abusive and cheap and cliched and I'm sorry that you can't find better hair extensions than those and I am sorry that I broke your nose when I should have caved your whole face in."

Liz sat down. Tara paled and her lawyer began to object.

The judge shook his head, "The apology was in there and that suited the letter of my request." He looked to Tristan. "Sir, do you feel a need for a restraining order?"

Tristan shook his head. "No sir."

"Very well. Good day everyone." The judge banged his gavel. Tara started to huff out of the court but paused in front of Tristan.

"You can do so much better than her Pet, my number hasn't changed you know. You could go back to having a real dom." She batted her lashes. All the Kingsman moved towards her, but Tristan held up his hand.

"Tara," Tristan leaned in. "She is better than you in every single way." He grinned. "And she actually knows how to get me off, how to have me enjoy everything. I can come just from her flogging me. You never could manage something like that could you?" He stepped back. "Have a miserable life Tara, it is what would suit  you best."

Tara's lawyer dragged her out before she could say another thing.

Liz came over to Tristan. He picked her up so they could be at eye level. "Move in with me ma'am." He said.

She grinned. She loved when he dangled her like this. "Hell yes."

The Kingsman all cheered. Sin hugged them both. "I'm not moving your shit." He said.

"Yes you will." Both Liz and Tristan said.

"Yeah, I will." Sin agreed. He hugged them again before he stepped back. All the Kingsman filed out of the courtroom.

"Proud of you Graham." Liz said. "So very proud of you today, and always."

"Same ma'am." He was still holding her in the air, lifted her so she was actually looking down at him a little. "You make me happy. I want to hold onto that."

"Me too." She kissed him gently. "Me too."


	70. The Club

It was 3am and Sarah was alone in bed. She often was. Roxy didn't like 3am, or rather something must have happened once that she will never know about because the bed will be empty at 2:50 and Roxy will come back in a 3:03am. Always 3:03am. Like she had to make sure that the clock ticked past three. Not every night enough. At least now Roxy spent that time in the nursery instead of just sort of standing in the living room in front of the clock. 

Sarah sent a text to Liz,  _is yours okay tonight_

No reply, which meant Liz's must be having a good night. That was good, but Graham's bad times were seldom in the middle of the night.

The clock ticked over to 3:03 and Roxy came into bed. "Thought I heard Declan fuss."

It was better than the old I needed a glass of water or had to pee.

Sarah looked at her wife. "I don't know what happened, or didn't happen at 3, but I'm here. You can stay with me and we can watch for 3:01 together."

Roxy smiled a little sadly. "Thank you, of course."

Sarah knew Roxy would still get up.

She called Merlin one day to ask about 3am. He was in charge of them really, the partners of Kingsman, their unofficial leader. She asked what to do. All Merlin could say was, "Eggsy knits a scarf that is now 6 metres long. He'll come home and just start working on it. Just go until his fingers are numb. I make him tea and tell him I love him."

Tea at 3am wouldn't work well, but Sarah could always say I love you.

And she also began to make some plans.

********************

Sarah rented the private dining room at a lovely little restaurant near her law firm, one that they regularly used. The wait staff were wonderful and most of all discreet. They set up the sandwiches and beverages and even a small dessert selection along the back wall and there was a button Sarah could press if they needed service. She thanked them politely and fussed around the room, rocked Declan's car seat where he was still asleep.

Liz was the first to arrive. She kissed Sarah and lightly touched Declan's head. "Hey babe, what is this about?"

"We'll wait until the rest show." Sarah said. "Sorry to interrupt your Graham lunch."

Liz shook her head. "He didn't come into the office today, he's in the woods with the dogs."

"Ah." Sarah knew what that meant.

"Yeah." Liz leaned into Sarah just a little.

They watched the others arrive. Sarah stood at the front while everyone chatted, a little confused, but they all liked each other and hey free lunch. Declan fussed a little and she picked him up and cuddled him. He woke up properly and saw a room filled with favourite people. He reached out for Harry and Harry happily took him.

Sarah cleared her throat and everyone looked to her. "Thank you all for coming."

"Happy to Sarah." Harry said politely. "But a reason more than, hey let's hang, would be nice."

She nodded. "My hands shake when Roxy taps the side of her glasses." Sarah took a breath. "I don't sleep the first night she is gone. And maybe it is me, because I don't work in the office like the rest of you. That I'm not surrounded by it, but I get scared and can't tell her, but I'm also proud of her, and wouldn't want her to change for a second." Sarah looked at her son. "And when she's home, she's up most nights at 3am, just to see the clock move to 3:01 and I can't help that, fix that, and I just...I needed to talk to someone about all this and thought you might understand."

Mikey raised his hand. "She's only gone out on three missions yet. I put five different patron saint medals hidden into the car i built her. I like a damn candle for her, not even that Catholic, just feels necessary." Sarah nodded.

"He goes out into the woods with the dogs on bad days. I asked to come along once, and it is the only time Graham has looked at me like that." Liz shrugged. "So he goes to the woods and when he comes home, I bathe him and hurt him and it is all okay, until the next walk. When he leaves, I tend to crack an uncrackable code"

Harry shook his head. "I'm sorry, I used to sit at the table and just don't respond like that."

"Liar." Merlin said quietly. Harry looked affronted. "Ye haunt my office when he is gone, making sure that all plans are as foolproof as possible. I've seen you spend hours stripping down and rebuilding our sniper rifles. Ye used to sit at the table, but it is bloody different when ye aren't the one going out in the field."

"He ties me tighter right when he gets home from a mission." Harry admitted. "I...it never hurts, but it feels different."

"I watch the monitor, knowing every time I send my husband out I could be sending him to his death, that I will watch him die." Merlin ran a hand over his face. "He works on a scarf that will just never end. I understand everything he is going through, I saw it, but I can't help it, not really."

Pilar and Twitch nod. "I talk to my turtle and rebuild my motorcycle again and again, and Pilar keeps trying to make insane gadgets and Bors no matter what we did to make it easier came home with missing toes and he forgets us at bars, just sometimes runs and then remembers and comes get us."

Sarah looked at everyone in the room bound by the knowledge that one day the people they loved most might not come home. "We try to help them, but we can't understand what they are thinking, not completely, not even you Harry or you Merlin. And we don't think that maybe we need a little help to, because they'll never really understand what we feel when they walk out that door in that fucking suit."

Everyone in the room nodded. 

Sarah looked at her son. "So here we are, the partners of the Kingsman supporting each other, helping each other." She smiled a little. "Our own little club, we can call or text each other, when it is a bad night, when we are scared, we can have tea or lunch, or something. We don't have to be so alone."

Mikey raised his hand. "Can we have buttons or badges or something? Because that would be cool."

Sarah laughed. "Sure, think of a catchy acronym for us and we'll make up patches."

"Sweet." Mikey grinned. "Do all of you tell your person how scared you are when they go out?"

"No." Pilar said quietly. "They know, they know in our goodbye kiss and our welcome home hug. To voice it, to give name to it, puts too much burden on their shoulders. This is why this will be good." She looked at Sarah. "I've been this the longest of everyone here, and I buried it in work, and now I have Twitch to share the burden, but this? I could have used this the first few years." Twitch hugged Pilar tight.

"Quarterly lunches and code words to know when someone needs a fellow spouse to lean on?" Sarah asked. "Sort of code word where you know you can go after work, or a code word where you drop everything and hurry over?" There was a murmur of consent. "Okay...okay then. Good." She breathed out. "This, this, will help I think."

They all ate and chat. And the room felt lighter.

************************

Roxy came home from a mission that had taken three weeks.

It was 2:58 and she wasn't in bed.

Sarah's heart hurt that she couldn't make it better.

She got four different texts that were all just hearts, and hugs.

She breathed out slowly and when Roxy crawled back into bed at 3:03 Sarah was able to hold her tight and say, "I've got you."

It was easier to hold Roxy up now, knowing all the hands that were helping her.


	71. Make Your Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit in the past (a few months) fairly early in Twitch joining a relationship with Bors and Pilar and forming Da Bomb Squad

Pilar called Bors and Twitch into her office. She was sitting behind her desk and her face was blank. "Gentleman, my will have been updated and Arthur has a copy and another is in the Kingsman vault."

Twitch paled. "Oh god, are you sick kitten? We have the best doctors and I know a guy who can get a kidney." Bors and Pilar look at him. "What? I do."

Bors looked at his wife. "That time of year again is it."

"Indeed I have prayed to god, and asked my grandmother's spirit to watch over me. I have sealed that area of the estate. I am prepared for whatever happens."

"The year your hair changed colour with your mood was fun." Bors offered. "Avoid mirrors, though, didn't like it when you fell into that parallel universe."

Twitch had no idea if Bors was joking. "What the hell is going on?"

"Today is the day I do the annual inventory of Lab Rat's failed experiments."

"Oh no." Twitch's eyes widened. "God no, I just got you, you can't die."

Pilar smiled and leaned across her desk, touched Twitch's cheek. "You look pretty today tesoro, that blue dress suits you." Twitch leaned into the touch a little. "This usually takes three or four days to sort and I'll camp out here, so I want you two to have some fun, yes? We talked about dates as couples not just all three of us? A good time for some bar hopping or such. No stealing cars, and no blowing things up." She smiled at them. "Have fun and keep the bed warm for me." She winked at them and shooed them out of the office.

Twitch walked down the hall with Bors. "She didn't really end up in a parallel universe?"

Bors laughed. "Nah, she was just invisible for a couple of days." He sighed happily. "That was some fun sex. Come on, you do look pretty in that dress, I'll buy you lunch." Bors steered them to the Kingsman kitchen and made him a taco.

The next three days the guys had a couple texts letting them know Pilar was alive, otherwise they were left alone to their own devices. 

Which is never a good idea.

On day four, Pilar walked into the small house that she and Bors had lived in for almost a decade now. She loved seeing the signs of Twitch in it. The doc martens in the foyer, the wrench on the table, the man was forever putting things in his pockets, they had to put a box at the front door for him to empty the things he had collected during the day and then they did their best to return the things to the people in the office. Twitch hadn't been a thief in a long time, but when thinking he just sort of picked stuff up. She walked through and saw them asleep together in the living room, tv showing some superhero cartoon and both of them just in their pants and old ratty t-shirts. 

Twitch's toes were pink, and apparently he had painted Bors's green.

"My boys." she said. She put a blanket over them and went to the kitchen, she needed a beer and some food. She puttered around the kitchen, made herself some eggs and sat at the table with her ale. She noticed a notebook out and grabbed it. She flipped through a little and realized it was Twitch's keep busy book. It had sketches of Jasper, of Engines, of Bor's ears, and her hands. Notes for work, for the grocery store. Song lyrics, and whatever else came into his head. She stopped at a page, a very tidy column. She was puzzled as it didn't quite look like most of his notes in there. Pilar read the words on the page, twice before they sank in. She finished her meal and her beer and cleaned all her dishes and went back to the living room. She turned off the tv and sat on the coffee table and nudged Bors and Twitch. "Wakey wakey." She sang.

Bors blinked awake first and gave her that sleepy smile she had fallen in love with a long time ago. She nudged Twitch who just burrowed into Bors some more.

"Our girl is home." Bors said poking Twitch.

Twitch bolted awake and began to look Pilar over. "You look normal, okay, you look normal, no third eye, no glowing, okay, all okay." Twitch slumped back into the sofa. "Was so worried about you."

Pilar smiled a little. "That's so sweet."

Bors paled. "Whatever we did - I am sorry. We are sorry." He nudged Twitch. "Say sorry right now."

"Wha? Why? What did we do?"

"I don't know, but that is her I'm going to kill someone smile." Bors hissed. "Now say sorry."

"Sorry?" Twitch looked at Pilar and she looked back. He began to get a little nervous, she was so calm. But not regular Pilar calm, this was storm is coming calm. "I'm sorry."

"So am I. I flipped through your notebook, it was on the kitchen table." she replied.

"That's fine, told you if I leave something out you can poke at it."

She nodded. "Could you explain the list then?"

"The we need black beans list?" Twitch asked confused.

"No, the who gets Pilar when list." Pilar looked at the two of them. "The list where you two so helpfully divided up your time with me, into these lovely little equal slots."

"Oh." 

"Hmmmm." Pilar waited.

Twitch sat up a little straighter. "Well we just had these last couple of days together and we wanted to make sure that we both had individual time with you too." 

"But this list goes beyond that." Pilar frowned and stood, loomed over the two on the sofa. "This list seemed to be about our bed, and who gets to sleep with me when. Shouldn't that rather be my choice?"

"Yes ma'am." Bors said quickly. He tried for a charming smile, that sort of wilted under her glare.

"We just didn't want -" Twitch realized what he was about to say and quickly shut his mouth.

"Want what Tesoro?" 

"For you to feel crowded or overwhelmed." Twitch finished his sentence.

"Because having two such virile men in my bed would cause me to faint." Pilar sneered a little. "No, no you are right, it is a good thing you two decided to get together to plan out my life and my sexual relations like that. I really appreciate having no vote in my bed and over my own body."

"We didn't mean it like that." Bors added quietly.

"I don't care what you meant Calvin." Bors winced at the use of his actual name, that was only broken out when he was hurt or in deep shit. "I care that you two decided to make long term plans without me."

"I...we were just trying to -" Twitch was quickly cut off.

"Our bed is not a time share condo, you don't divvy up who gets it when!" she yelled. "If this is going to work, no two people make decisions for the three of us. And you sure as fuck do not for a second treat me and my body as your property."

"You aren't property!" Twitch was shocked that she would even think that.

"No, because that list breaking down my time and who gets it, certainly feels like I am a book at the library being loaned out." Pilar took a breath. "I chose you both. I gave up everything for you Calvin. Everything. I killed my family and burned my whole life down, because you sat at my coffee table and said 'so this Frida Kahlo chick she was cool'. Twitch I stuck my neck out for you, got you the job with the Kingsman. Calvin brought you in, but I'm the one who kept you, when Chester wanted to call the Yard on you. I gave up pay and resources to make sure you kept your job. And when your old 'buddies' came along, I'm the one who destroyed them to keep you safe." She shook her head. "I brought this family together and you want to make us less together somehow. You want to treat me as a prize to be split? No. No we are all in our bed or there is nothing."

Pilar looked at them with disgust. "You are both better than this." She began to stalk off upstairs. "And tonight, you can both sleep wherever you want, it sure as hell won't be with me." She disappeared and they heard a door slam.

"Ouch." Twitch winced.

"Yup." Bors agreed.

"The list wasn't meant like that."

"No, but think about it, it sort of would read like that, especially with how tired she was."

"But all the articles I read talked about communication, and clear time for everyone, and organizing your time." Twitch was scared that it was all slipping away, and he knew that if this fell apart he'd be the one out the door. He was the easily binned spare. He looked at Bors, "It wasn't about splitting her up, it was about making sure I got a little of both of you before you got bored of sharing and went back to being the perfect couple."

Bors looked at him. "Well shit." He let out a very specific whistle that echoed through the whole house.

Twitch watched stunned as Pilar came running in gun in hand wearing his old Clash t-shirt.

"Bors sit rep." Pilar said scanning the room.

"We all fucked up. Twitch feels like a spare we are going to throw away." Bors looked at Twitch. "And where the hell do you get the idea we're perfect? Brighton, mate, fucking Brighton."

Pilar put the saftey on and placed the gun on the shelf. "Tesoro, you are not a spare."

Twitch shrugged. "When this collapses, I'll be the one given the boot, and that's fine, you guys have this amazing history. I just want to enjoy this as long as you'll have me." Twitch bit his lip. "It wasn't about divvying you up Kitten, not really, it was just me trying to fit myself in."

Pilar sat on the coffee table once more. "Do you think we brought you into our bed, into our hearts lightly?"

"Well no, but..."

"I have watched my husband be in love with you for years, and not even see it. I fell for you the day you took me out on your motorcycle wearing your cherries skirt and ancient boots. We had so many talks and fantasies of you being ours once Calvin clued in and the reality is better." Pilar slid off the table and climbed onto Twitch's lap. "Leslie from the day we all went on our first date, you were never a spare."

"You know my name." Twitch put a hand on Pilar's hip and held out the other to Bors. "No one knows my name."

"I do." Pilar kissed him. "Come. We will all go to bed and talk tomorrow. It seems we haven't done that enough."

They all went to bed and cuddled and said sweet things to each other.

"Tomorrow I am making fun of the Leslie thing." Bors warned.

"Oh shut up Bomb Boy, your middle name is Marion." Pilar pinched her husband.

Twitch snorted a little and fell asleep to their bickering. He woke in the night Bors on top of him and Pilar clutching his arm in a death grip. Maybe he wasn't as spare as he thought. 

 


	72. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 men are absolutely not in like with anyone, no how, no way.
> 
> this is set quasi current time/maybe at most a month into the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's been mentioned in A Knight's Guide, but Hamish is the new head tailor for the Kingsman shop, taking over from his Uncle Andrew who is retiring. He is fancast as Hugh Laurie and is 51 and doesn't take crap from the Kingsman when it comes to them destroying the clothes he makes.

"Gawain, I believe we talked about you destroying the clothes we make you and that there would be consequences if you continued to do so." Hamish slapped his shears against his hand. "I get to use you as a live test for our new fire proof fabrics. Don't worry, Pilar is almost completely sure you'll live." Hamish smiled. "Mostly."

"Look, who bloody expects the bad guy to have crocodiles? Actual honest to god crocodiles?" Gawain held up the shredded jacket. "I am sorry about it. I am. But crocodiles."

Hamish blinked, but Gawain didn't waver. "Good lord, really? Have the villains become so cliched?"

"I feel like as technology keeps advancing, some wankers like to go 'old school' but really old school just used to be a dirty warhead." Gawain sighed. "Where's the fire proof stuff?"

"I suppose I can make allowances for crocodiles." Hamish said reluctantly. "Uncle Andrew feels I need to perhaps 'get the stick out of my arse before one of the agents tries to beat me with it."

"Why don't you ask Owain to pull out the stick?" Gawain asked, smirking.

"How's the dummer's tour of America going, I hear girls over there think drummer's are the cat's meow."

"Did you just really say cat's meow?" 

"No." Hamish put the shears and the jacket down. "Come let's get you fitted for a new suit. Dressing room one." They went in and found Sin just sitting on the floor surrounded by fabric books. "Taliesin, I didn't realize you were in here, can I help you?" Hamish was concerned.

"I...what would look good on me?" Sin asked. "I can't figure it out. What would look good? Modern cut, double breasted, single? How many buttons? I can't figure out what's best. I always know what to wear."

"Should I get Tristan?" Gawain knelt beside Sin and closed the fabric book gently.

"No, this is absurd." Sin threw the book. "Why can't I get this right?"

"Gentlemen, could I interest you both in attaining an afternoon repast so that we may foster a better working and personal relationship as we all seem to be suffering similar woes." Hamish looked at the two younger men who just looked back at him. He sighed, subtlety seemed wasted on them. "Let's go to the pub and get drunk and bitch about love."

"Oh thank fuck." Gawain said and he hauled Sin up off the ground. "Tequila is on me."

"And it can stay on you."

"Fine, I'll buy you some brandy or whatever." 

"A drink would be nice." Sin said quietly. "Maybe 10 of them. But I agree on the no tequila, you know that Gawain."

"I do at that." Gawain agreed.

Hamish put the closed sign up on the door and the three went to a private bar that Hamish knew well away from the Kingsman shop. He showed his membership and the three sat in a very comfortable booth and they ordered several drinks.

They drank the first in silence, no one quite knowing where to start. They were half way through the second drink and Hamish had no intention of being the first to speak, he didn't know them that well after all. This had been a horrible idea. He decided to signal for the cheque.

"I don't mind if he's banging groupies while on the road." Gawain said. He was playing with the umbrella from his tequila sunrise. "We''re not exclusive, not the style for either of us."

"I don't understand." Hamish said over his martini.

"Polyamourous." Gawain said. "We don't have a problem with each other having other people. Non-exclusive, makes sense to be open like that with our careers."

"And you like it like that?"

"Yeah. I like going to the club I dom at and no the person I'm with understands."

Hamish nodded. "Very well then. But...why are you so cranky about him?"

"I don't love him."

"That sounded defensive, not matter of fact." Sin took a pull of his lager. "Sounds like you are trying to convince yourself."

"I don't do love. Come on, our jobs we know it ain't real."

"Merlin and Eggsy. Harry and Michael, Tristan and Liz. Da Bomb Squad." Sin countered. "Seems our jobs make us love even harder."

"I'm just not a love guy." Gawain shrugged. He waved for another drink and the two men knew to keep quiet. "Because if I were the sort of guy who was in love, I'd be sitting here moping and wondering why he's not shown for our last two skype dates."

"Ah." Hamish said. When the waitress dropped the drinks over he told her they would need a cab and apologized for any language she might hear. "Desperate times and measures and all that."

"Sure Hamish, we'll take care of you all, no worries." She said with an arm pat and a wink at Sin.

"Any explanation for those missed meetings?" 

"Nah, Sin," Gawain shrugged and put a pink paper umbrella behind his ear. "Just a sorry text for the one and nothing in the last three days."

"Could there be a problem with the tour?" Hamish asked. "Those always seem to have dreadful things go wrong."

"No, according to their webpage all is going smooth as silk. He slaughtered last night, the clips on youtube are good." 

"Rhys," Sin looked at him. "It isn't so bad to have fallen in love."

"Really? Because it feels like I'm fucking mixed up over a boy who hasn't called." Gawain put a green umbrella behind Sin's ear. "And what do you know about love Teddy?"

"Enough. I know what it should be, what we all want it to be."

"And is that why you've circled Allison and wanted everything to be perfect and keep falling on your perfect face?"

"Be a gentleman, Mr. Jameson. Mr. Whicher seems like he is trying." Hamish scolded.

"No, he's hiding. Hiding behind these courting gestures that keep going wrong. He wants it to be perfect, not realizing life isn't so perfect." Gawain paused. "And look, you do know our last names, thought you only knew that for Owain, or as you keep insisting Mr. Donovan."

"Well aren't you charming tonight Rhys?" Sin muttered. "Though I'm kind of wondering about the name thing to I have to admit."

Hamish drew his shoulders back a little bit. "At work I prefer an air of professionalism, calling you by your work title is a gesture of respect." He looked at his drink. "Mr. Donovan told me he preferred only to be called Owain by other agents, he likes to maintain his name, the feel of it otherwise."

"But why the Mister?" Gawain pushed. "For him, for us right here and now, what is that bullshit?"

Hamish glared at him and Gawain was happy the man seemed unarmed, though his glare was vicious enough. "Because none have given me permission to call them by their Christian name, and I do not step where permission hasn't been given."

"Jesus Caradoc would have loved you." Gawain stared at the older man in awe.

Hamish reached out and grabbed Gawain's wrist. Gawain knew better than to move, the hold could snap his bones like twigs. "Mr. Jameson, Uncle Andrew has informed me of him. A desire to be polite and respectful to the people who I in fact serve is the way I was raised and I will not ignore a lifetime of experience and practice. But to imply that I would have somehow belonged as a compatriot of a man who was disloyal is not something I am willing to let slide. I serve at the pleasure of the king."

"Call me Rhys. I like you Hamish." Gawain grinned.

Hamish released his wrist. "I might not dislike you too much, Rhys."

"He calls me Teddy, but I generally prefer Edward." Sin held out his hand to Hamish.

"A pleasure."

They finished their drinks and ordered another.

"She's just so pretty." Sin said sadly. "And sweet and cheerful and every time I try something, it goes miserably." He looked at Gawain. "At least you've dated yours."

Gawain snorted. "Sex backstage and being his roadie for a couple weeks is hardly dating."

"It is for you, is it not?" Hamish asked.

"Point."

"She...if I try to find was to impress her without asking her out, then she can't turn me down." Sin said. "I don't know how to date, and if we actually went out, don't think it would go well."

"But were you not?" Hamish asked.

"Yup, I was the guy who fucked his way to international secrets." Sin held up his glass. "And now I'm Harry's right hand. But that was the job. I haven't dated for myself in 12 years. Haven't had sex where I wasn't calculating if I'd have to kill them in 13. And she's said she likes fun. I don't think I'm much fun these days." He sighed. "I'm still trying to figure out who I am these days. But what I have figured out, is that I like her."

"I had a young man come into the dressing room, stand in front of me and say, and yes this is a direct quote, "So you do fancy togs, can you make me not look like I have a fat arse and do I really need all this, Marks and Sparks is having a clearance sale.'" Hamish finished his fourth martini. "He is 23. And perfect. And as far as I know heterosexual."

"So you call him Mr. Donovan and find him special accessories and make him an extra suit." Gawain frowned. "To what, get him to fall in love with you?"

"No, to show him he is beautiful. He doesn't seem to realize it, and he should. I do my best to keep up with culture, but I lived in the closet a long time, gentlemen, and when I engaged in a relationship, I had to hide it, so I tended to spoil the people I was with, in hopes they would stay. They didn't. And once I was out of the closet I kept up with the spoiling, because well I do prefer a younger man, and they left because they always do. I have no expectations, no hopes, but I can at least hope he can see what he really looks like."

Sin smiled. "You have a crush."

"So do you." Hamish threw his olive at Sin. "And I at least know I don't have a chance. I will pine and give Mr. Donovan gifts because it will at least make me feel good. You hide behind supposes and maybes."

"The Sin I know is a survivor and braver than this." Gawain said. "Ask her out."

"She said she didn't want to date anyways, not until the fall. Still settling, I won't go against what she said she wanted."

"I understand Pumpkin Spice drinks will soon be on sale, I do believe their arrival signals fall." Hamish tried to hide his burp.

The waitress brought them another round. "Cab in an hour gents?"

"Sounds good." Gawain gave her a sweet, intoxicated, smile. "Good staff here, could you put me up for membership?"

"I'll get you a guest pass." Hamish promised.

"If I love him, then it matters. And when things matter to me,  _they matter_. Bloody hufflepuffs." Gawain frowned. "I'd still fuck other people, fidelity isn't a thing I care about, but loyalty? That? That I give everything to and I doubt he feels the same and it would kill me if he didn't."

Sin held his glass up, the liquid inside tilted a bit. "Hufflepuffs for life." He clinked with Gawain.

"Good lord, do you all subscribe to that nonsense?" Hamish looked at them.

"Don't worry, Tristan will sort you if you like, he's never wrong. Or if he is, no one is dumb enough to question it." Gawain frowned. "Peg you as Slytherin I think."

"Gryffindor." Sin decided. "Has to be brave to threaten the deadliest men in the world with pinking shears and have us actually worried about it."

Gawain nodded in agreement. "We are supposed to have a skype date tonight. Not going to look."

"Look." Both Hamish and Sin said.

"If I look, it means I hope." Gawain finished his drink. "It means I love."

Sin pulled him into a hard hug. "Look."

Hamish pulled out his wallet. It had money, but the numbers were a little blurry. He handed his wallet to the waitress when she told them the cab was here. "Take what we owe you." She nodded and took out the correct amount.

The three men walked to the cab mostly upright, though there was a little leaning on each other. The cab dropped them all at their homes and appreciated the giant tip they all gave him.

*****************

Gawain had sobered up a little and stared at his computer. His cursor hovered over the log in button.

2 minutes.

He wasn't in love. He wasn't going to say he was in love.

He clicked log in.

It immediately beeped. He answered. "Hey Chris."

"Rhys, thank fuck. Oh my god Montana has fuck all decent internet connections, plus fucking Greg used my computer for his porn and completely borked it, only got it fixed today. Was ready to offer a ritual sacrifice to the gods of wifi." Chris was on the tour bus and had a sandwich in front of him. "Mind if I eat lunch? I'm starving." 

"I don't mind." 

"Told the guys that they damn well had to make sure we stopped somewhere my computer could get fixed and that had wifi, wasn't going to miss another date with my boyfriend." Chris ate his sandwich and drank a beer. "How's the suit delivery business going?"

"Fine. Actually have a personal delivery coming up soon, I'll not be available." Gawain paused. "Did you call me your boyfriend?"

"Yeah why?" Chris paused mid-chew. "Ew tell me you don't want to call me your lover. Because that's a damn deal breaker."

Gawain's smile was slow and brilliant. "No, boyfriend is fine. Actually made a bit of a friend with the new tailor. Bit of a stick in his arse, but decent fellow. Has a crush on a co-worker of mine, gonna help him with that."

They spent an hour talking about what they had both been up to over the last few days.

Gawain hung up.

He wasn't in love.

Mostly.

**************************

Allison was outside with Declan, he had been dropped off for the day and she was showing him flowers she had picked around the estate.

Sin made sure to whistle and make plenty of noise as he went over. "Hello you two, gorgeous day for outside exploration."

"It is." Allison looked around the grounds. "Going to be fun to have a proper fall, leaves change and all that, want to take a million pictures of it." She blew a rasberry on Declan's stomach. "Maybe drop someone in some leaves. Though that won't be for a while. Still feels summery."

"Not so, places have their fall coffee out." Sin held out a reusable coffee cup to her. "Pumpkin spice latte, first day they were available."

"Aww that's brilliant, thanks." Allison looked at him. "Would you like to join us, we were about to read Madeline and the Bad Hat."

"It is a true literary classic." Sin hitched up his suit trousers and sat on the ground.

Allison smiled to herself when Sin was able to say the opening words about Miss Clavel without looking at the book.

It was a good coffee.

She was happy that fall was here.

**************************

Hamish stood at the cutting table and carefully matched the lines of the plaid he was putting together for Bedievere. The man had appalling taste and it had taken them a good deal of arguing to come to an agreement but they had managed.

He hummed quietly to himself as he worked, he had already grown to love this shop and the men he served. Not that he'd ever let them know how adorable he found all of them.

Hamish heard a cough and looked up. He put his shears down and straightened his shoulders. "Mr. Donovan good afternoon, did we have an appointment?" He went to reach for his notebook.

"No, just came by to say hi." Owain shrugged. "Was away on that job and then debriefing, and counseling since it was the second big mission for me and Morrvyd, and then someone clued in I was a little banged up and man is Dr Pierce scary." 

Hamish hoped Owain didn't notice how he gripped the table. "You were injured?"

"Nothing big, bit of a stab wound, needed a couple of stitches. Fabric's bullet proof, less stabby proof."

"Your waistcoat is though." Hamish replied.

"Really? That's why you made me a three piece? Thought it was just because you liked the fabric." Owain pouted. "Crap, next time I'll wear the waistcoat. Just felt bulky."

"Perhaps when in the gym, you should consider training in your suit, all the pieces of it." Hamish suggested.

Owain grinned. "That's a smart idea, thanks. Anyways, I just wanted to say hey, I'm back. So, hey I'm back." He started for the changing room.

"Mr. Donovan, a moment." Hamish pulled a small box from the drawer. "I have these for you. I know the Kingsman have standard cufflinks but these will suit the cut of your clothes more. I would image Mrs. Innis could outfit them with the standard gadgets."

Owain opened the box, Hamish always found the coolest stuff. "These are neat!" He took one out of the box. "Not gold though. Not silver, I think."

"No, stainless steel. Modern but -"

"It has flowers etched in. Forget me nots."

"You mentioned they were your favourite when you rambled during your first fitting."

"Thanks Hamish, these are nice. Can't wait to see what Pilar can do with them." Owain snapped the lid shut. "Hey, by the way, I get that you are like a professional guy, and that's cool I respect that. But when no one is around, you could call me Jesse. Just saying." Owain smiled.

"As you wish." Hamish gave him a small nod and went back to his cutting and watched Owain leave from the corner of his eye, pleased Owain had liked the gift.

 

 

 


	73. Tea Cozy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the blog Hamish (the new head of the actual tailor shop) incorporated a few of Eggsy's scarves into his fall window display. Merlin is proud, Eggsy is befuddled, and Harry is Harry.

Harry was still in bed at 7:30am, that was an odd thing. Usually he was downstairs reading the paper. Michael nudged him and felt his forehead. "Sick, darling?"

"No." Harry didn't look sick, he looked grumpy. "Just didn't sleep well. I think I'll work from home today."

"I have a meeting with Lamorak and then Pilar wanted to talk scopes with me, but I can cancel." Michael hugged his husband. He wasn't sure what had Harry in a funk, just that his life would be...problematic, until it was fixed.

"No, go to work." Harry patted Michael's hand. "Just don't feel like people today."

"Harry you love people, you are the definition of an extrovert." Michael chided. "You love bothering people. It is scheduled in your planner. I saw you had once written  _10:30 change Merlin's W.O.W. passwords and then go and blame his husband just to see what happens_."

Harry smiled a little, that had been a fun day. "I just want to be alone. That so weird?" He nudged Michael away and pulled his blanket over his head. Dread Pirate Mewttins saw that as a welcome and came jumping onto the bed and settled on Harry's shoulder. 

"You'll take care of him at least?" Michael asked the cat. "And stop tenderizing his kidneys, he's not dead under there." DPM ignored other human and kept kneading the blanket.

Michael went into the office and stopped in front of the tailor shop and looked at the windows. Eggsy's scarves were amazing. They were his large, chunky ones, clearly more about experimenting with stitch and texture. He also noticed a few discreet sold tags on the scarves. 

"Hello Guinevere, can I help you with something?" Hamish asked, putting a bolt of fabric down.

"Eggsy's scarves have sold?" Michael fingered the fabric, it was a lovely wool.

"Yes, it took some convincing that his work was worth it." Hamish looked at Michael. "I understand, Guinevere, that you are quite accomplished with cabling."

"I have some skills." Michael said.

"We will talk for the Christmas display." Hamish shuddered a little. "Arthur, offered up a tea cozy of his for the display. I may have said kill it with cleansing holy fire."

Michael groaned. "Oh, that's why he didn't get out of bed. Aw crap, you hit him right in the ego."

Hamish looked at him. "But his deplorable knitting skills are well known."

"And so is his drama llama tendencies." Michael pulled out his phone and sent a couple of texts. "There that should help." Hamish looked very concerned. "You are fine Hamish, dead right that his cozies shouldn't be in your windows, he's just...Harry." Michael smiled and went for the changing room.

********************

Harry had moved from his bed to the kitchen. He had the three tea cozies he had managed to make on teapots and had his head on the table, looking at them forlornly. "I think you're pretty." He told them. He pushed the flower top on the one to straighten it and sighed when it completely fell off. He just sat there and stared at them.

He didn't flinch at the footsteps, only a couple people could access his house.

"A fine thing, don't even look up, no apparent weapon, what if we meant to kill you." Doris sat across from him. "Shoddy, just shoddy."

"Life has no meaning anyways." Harry said sadly. "My work, my legacy has been scorned."

"Oh good lord, ye are in a fine fettle today." Doris banged her cane against the table. "Make your company some tea."

Harry didn't move and Mrs Carson patted his back. "I'll take care of it dearie, you just have a nice mope."

Mrs Blackwell searched the cupboards for biscuits and found some nice options and put together a plate. She set it and some napkins on the table and sat beside Doris. They both pulled out some knitting.

"I need a pot, Harry." Mrs Carson said. Harry nudged one a little closer to her and she set the tea out. "See, I bet your cozy keeps it nice and warm for us." She sat as well and pulled out her knitting. "Aren't you going to work on another cozy darling?"

"What's the point?" Harry kept his head down, but reached a hand for a biscuit. "I'm not getting any better."

"You haven't broken any sticks recently." Mrs Blackwell offered.

Harry raised his other hand which was holding taped together sticks.

The three women shared a look.

"How did you even get in here?" Harry asked, finally lifting his from the table.

"Your husband sent us your door code. He thought you might need some company."

"I want Eggsy." Eggsy could be guaranteed to hug and sympathize, even if he was the cause of this funk.

"No." Doris poured out the tea. "He'll coddle you, you are being too absurd to be deserving of coddling."

Harry straightened his shoulders. "Madam, I can assure you that I am not -"

"Oh shove it up your ass and keep it there with plug." Doris said as she rolled her eyes.

Harry's eyes widened in shock, even as Mrs Carson laughed. Mrs Blackwell sipped her tea.

"Eggsy has been knitting since he was a child. You've been doing it for a year and half, during which you had brain surgery. If you were as good as him, you'd be in museums." Doris said. 

"But I don't get better." Harry complained. "Anything else I've done in my life, I practiced and I got better. I do five rows at least every day and look." He pointed at the third cozy. 

"The zigzags are fun." Mrs Carson said.

"They are meant to be straight." Harry sighed and sipped some tea, his cozy had kept the pot warm. "And I don't compare myself to Eggsy, much, but Michael picks up the needles once a week and makes art. He's your natural that you all praise."

Doris opened her mouth and Harry waited for her to snap at him, but she closed her mouth. She ate a cookie and sipped her tea. "We like that you are horrible at it." she said finally. "We're all very good, but our fingers are slowing, our eyesight is shot, and the younguns in the group don't actually need us. Sarah, Liz, and Eggsy, they love us and hang out with us, but rarely ask us for advice. You my dear, you are always going to  _need_ us. It is very nice to be needed, especially by a man who is as generally capable as you."

Mrs Carson was a good 30, well 25 years younger than the other two, but agreed. "You've done so much to help my hands, but I still have bad days, I've had to cut back teaching in winter, but I always have good enough days to help you with a slipped stitch."

Mrs. Blackwell just shrugged. "I like that you are shit, I think they have a charm to them. Perfect Harry, is cheerfully imperfect at something. I sometimes wonder if you are this bad on purpose. Gives you a cache."

Doris nodded and thumped the table with the cane. "That's it! You should be proud of just how horrible you are." She pointed at Harry. "Embrace the dubious skills, accept that you will never be good and instead aim for insane."

Harry smiled at them. "I want to try a dragon."

"Oooh, spikes and bobbles that should be interesting." Mrs. Carson said.

"You'll show me how?" Harry asked. "I need to buy some more needles."

"It will be our pleasure dearie." Mrs Blackwell said. 

Doris just nodded and began to case his house. "Only serial killers have this many butterflies."

"There were more in the old house." Harry smiled. "Michael and I made compromises."

Doris shook her head. "You are a lucky bastard to have such an understanding husband."

"He's well hung too." Harry said.

The woman laughed and the four talked and gossiped, and maybe a wee bit of tipsy knitting occurred. 

*********************

A month later Harry was holding Michael's hand as they walked through the museum. "You hate the Victoria and Albert." Harry said. "You think it is for school groups and tourists."

"Yes, but their 20th Century England display has been updated, and it makes me think of my great grandmother's home." Michael said. They walked into the wing that had furniture and textiles all set up in facsimile of rooms. The wing was quiet only a few other people and Michael sat Harry down on the bench and looked at the kitchen. "See, charming."

"I suppose." Harry agreed. "But I don't see why -" Harry paused, struck silent. There in the corner of the display was a tea pot.

Covered in a cozy.

His droopy flower cozy.

"Michael," Harry's voice was very quiet. "What did you do?"

Michael smiled. "Why nothing Harry. Merlin, Eggsy, and I certainly didn't break into the Victoria and Albert at night, and add your cozy to a display where thousands," He paused and looked at the 3 other people in the wing, "well dozens will walk by and see the work of one Harry Hart."

"You broke into a museum to put my work on display." Harry was dumbfounded.

"We have money on when the staff will notice."

Harry stared. "That's my cozy."

"It is." Michael hugged his arm. "You like it?"

"You go to great lengths to make me smile."

"As if you would do less."

"Can we just sit here for a bit?" Harry asked.

"Of course, my love." 

They took a photo of Harry in front of the display and Harry understood why Michael had suggested the rose eye patch, it matched his cozy after all.


	74. Michelle Gets a Second Job Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right this will be a 2 or 3 part mini series here in Wrapped in Wool, because the idea is frankly hilarious. Roughly current time.

Michelle stared at her online banking and was frankly confused. She had savings, not a lot, but more than she had seen since Lee. She even had a tiny account for Daisy's future. The tea shop didn't pay a lot, but all her debt had somehow disappeared after Dean had died, while she had to replace a lot of things, and Daisy was constantly growing, with her rent being fixed, she had managed to grow a tidy little nest egg. And have a bit more disposable income this month than she expected.

She came up with a good idea. Michelle grabbed her phone and texted Sean.

_Dinner Friday at that Spanish place you like? My treat this time._

She got an affirmative within 20 minutes. Maybe she'd buy a new skirt as well. 

It was a good date, but she always had a good time out with Sean. She ordered a whole bottle of wine just like he always did and she bounced in her seat a little when the waiter gave her the first sip to try. "Very nice." She tried to say without giggle. She looked over and Sean was doing that smile, the one that said he thought she was adorable.

"You're wonderful." Sean said after the waiter left.

Not a lie.

Sean seldom lied and then it was about work.

"Yeah well, want you to treat yourself beautiful," She teased. "Even get dessert if ya like."

"What about my girlish figure?" Sean struck a bit of a pose in his chair and she snorted some of the wine up her nose. "Your laugh makes me happy."

"Oh just shut it with the lines." Michelle ducked her head, she knew they weren't lines, but she doubted she'd ever get used to them.

They lingered over their meal and yes even had dessert. When the bill came, Sean began to reach over but Michelle slapped his hand away. "My treat, remember?"

"I remembered, but Michelle -"

"Holy buggering hell, did the cow get a blow job before they killed it and put in on my plate?" Michelle stared at the bill. She looked at him. "We come here like every other month. You are paying this that regularly?" Her eyes widen. "How much are you spending on me, you fucking numpty? I'm a sure thing!"

Sean winced a little and tried to take the bill. She just slapped his hand away again. "I can cover it." Michelle muttered. There went this month's nest egg, but she could cover it. They left the restaurant in an awkward silence. He drove her home and kissed her cheek in the car. She rolled her eyes, the guy was hopeless. "Come in for tea?"

"That'd be good." Sean smiled. 

They went in and she made the herbal tea he liked and they sat together on the couch. "How much money have you spent on me?" She asked bluntly.

"I don't know." Sean answered. "I don't keep track, but not every place I take you costs what that restaurant does. Hell I take you to just as many street vendors as anything." He fiddled with his shirt cuff button, like he always did when he was nervous. "I just like doing things with you, tend not to think about the price."

Michelle was thinking though. "Those special tickets to stuff, the toys you buy Daisy, the weekend away...Sean, it's a lot of money."

He didn't think so. "Hasn't Eggsy told you what a Kingsman is paid?" Michelle shook her head no. "Saving the world comes with perks. And after Nora passed, I spent my money on very little. So I guess I have a couple million floating around - my father-in-law is very good with money. It gives me pleasure to treat you well Michelle."

"Guy spends that much, to get girls impressed."

"I'd rather think my devastating good looks and charming ways were what impressed you, not the five hundred pound dinners." He tried to smile, but it was a little too nervous for charming. Michelle was charmed anyways.

"Wot dinner cost fucking rent?" Michelle asked.

"Right, so no more taking you to places where menus don't have prices on them." Sean nodded.

"Wot the hell Sean, why are you spending so much on me?" It was Michelle's turn to fidget. "Not when I can't do the same."

"I spend so much on you, because I want to. It has never been about wanting you to do the same. You make the best hot chocolate, and have that laugh, and you make me cards. You hand make me thank you and hello and welcome home cards. I have a box that has them all. That matters more than what a steak costs."

"I want to pay more when we go out." Michelle said firmly. "I want to contribute more."

"Okay." Sean agreed.

"And no more dinners that cost rent."

"Only happy meals from now on."

"Curry chips are also acceptable." Michelle leaned into him and kissed him. "You treat me too well."

"No." Sean held her face still. "No, I treat you as the amazing creature you are."

Michelle sometimes wished he was lying when he said stuff like that. She just never had a response for it.

***********************************

"Hey Gracie," Michelle went over to her co-worker. "I know a lot of the girls do seasonal or extra jobs, you got an leads on something that wouldn't take a lot of time but bring in a little extra money?"

Grace laughed. "Right, sure because those sorts of jobs just grow on trees."

"Right, yeah." Michelle laughed along, embarrassed. She had looked at ads, but nothing really fit with her schedule.

Bruce came over. "Actually, I know something that could work Michelle. But it is a little out there. We'll talk after shift okay?"

"Thanks Bruce." Michelle said and went to greet the tourists who came in the door.

After shift Bruce asked her if she had time and Michelle agreed. She had a couple of hours, Eggsy was picking up Daisy and taking her to gymnastics. They took the tube a few stops and then Bruce walked her down a street filled with boutique shops. He paused in front of one that just had its name above the door and curtains in the window. 

"Solomon's Song?" Michelle looked at Bruce. "A music shop?"

"Not exactly." Bruce opened the door. Michelle went through the second door and stared around. "Solomon's Song, the Song of Solomon is the dirty section of the bible."

"Romantic, Bruce." The woman at the counter said. "It's romantic."

"This is a sex shop." Michelle looked around. "Why aren't it sticky?"

"Because a tidy shop brings in better revenue." The woman came over. "I'm Nicole, this is my shop. Bruce is my cousin." She was dressed in an elegant suit.

"That's cut at Westmoreland's." Michelle said without thinking.

"You know your clothes." The woman was impressed.

"Not really. I sort of know suits. My son and boyfriend both work for Kingsman."

"Ahhh, I can't quite afford them." Nicole smiled. "Now are you here to shop, I'd be happy to help."

"Actually Nicki, I sort of brought her in for a job." Bruce smiled.

Michelle blushed. "Can't work here, don't have the time to put into retail. Plus don't think the PTA would like it much." Michelle was itching to check the wall of bath bombs and oils though.

"I actually thought she could be great at the job I do for you Nicki, she's the lunch hostess at the tea shop, is just amazing with people. Like super personable and great." Bruce pushed Michelle forward a little. 

"I'm very confused." Michelle held her purse tight.

"Can I get you a cuppa?" Nicki asked.

"Okay."

Nicki went back and came back with a tea cup a few minutes later. Bruce had melted away to the loo and Michelle was studying the dildo display. She snatched her hand back when she heard Nicki. "It's okay to touch. Those are the floor models."

Michelle turned bright red. "Sorry, I've never seen this stuff outside porn." Michelle looked at the wall. "There are a lot of options."

"There are." Nicki sat down at the counter. "So you know tupperware parties, or those fake candles, other things, women have sold out of their home for a little extra spending money? That's what Bruce does for me."

"He has sex toy parties." Michelle thought about it. Actually that made a great deal of sense for Bruce.

"There are catalogue companies that do the same thing, it's become quite popular. The difference is that this is local, more personal. You will be trained in our inventory, we can create a book and sample selection for you that you are comfortable with. Sometimes people arrange toy parties right through the shop, and maybe you'll arrange your own. You would be paid a flat fee for the party and then 10% of what is sold at the party. Bruce pulls in a few hundred pounds a month, you could earn less or more, depending on how hard you push at it."

Michelle hated to say that she was intrigued. "Wot would my boyfriend think?"

"If I may, if he is a man who would make you ashamed of something like this, he might not be the right man."

Michelle laughed. "No, he'd be right supportive while being incredibly embarassed. He's whatch'a call it...demisexual."

Nicki smiled. "Is he kind?"

"Kindest ever." Michelle took a breath. "Why I want to earn a little extra. He's always spoiling me and I want to be able to spoil him a bit. Show him off and all." Michelle couldn't resist and pulled up a photo on her phone.

"Oh my," Nicki blinked.

"I know, right?" Michelle grinned. "Right fit for his age, and that bloody smile could get me to do anything and all he wants is to fetch the moon for me."

"Tell me about your favourite date." Nicki asked and listened carefully as Michelle told the story. She was very personable, and engaging, easily felt like a hip mum, but not trying to hard. She would make a killing in sales if she was trained well. "Michelle, I think you could be a great match for my shop, if you are interested. We'd give you a month of training, and you would shadow Bruce for another month after that before you did any solo work."

Michelle looked at her. "You aren't lying. You think I can do this. I can tell a lie."

"I bet you can." Nicki held out her hand. "Come to work for me Michelle."

Michelle shook her hand.

*************************************

Three months later, Sean was walking out of the theatre, still laughing at the farce they had seen. He swung an arm around Michelle. "That was brilliant. Oh god, I love these silly old plays."

"I know you do." Michelle said happily.

"And box seats." Sean kissed her cheek as they walked. "An incredible night darling."

"Thanks. Are you spending the night?" She asked as they got to the car.

"I'd like to." His voice was thick with promise.

She shivered a little. "I washed your pajamas. The ninja ones." She giggled. Her former spy wore ninja pjs.

"Nice, I like your fabric softener." He drove with ease, despite the dusting of snow that had fallen. "Still can't believe you got those tickets. They must have cost an arm and a leg."

Michelle smiled. "They weren't cheap, but been picking up some extra work, thanks to that waiter Bruce."

"That where you been Saturday nights? Catering events or such?" Sean pulled onto Michelle's street.

"No, I sell sex toys, mostly at Hen parties." Michelle answered easily. She had braced herself and didn't go flying when Sean hit the brakes hard.

Sean looked at Michelle with her little sly kitten smile. "Ha ha?" 

Michelle leaned over and kissed him. "Want to see my basket of goodies?"

"I have no idea if I want this to be a put on or not." Sean had a very gobsmacked look on his face.

"Well you think about it out here, I'll just go in and run a bath with some of the pretty smelling stuff I have. Makes skin all slick and soft." She whispered. "Would you like me all shimmery and soft and wet?" Michelle quickly nipped his ear and ran out of the car, laughing.

Sean thumped his head against the car wheel.

He was utterly terrified.

And a little bit intrigued.

Michelle had been smelling extra nice recently.

He saw the bathroom light go on and ran into the house.

In the morning he woke up to a handmade  _thank you for the amazing sex_ card on the pillow next to him. 

He maybe liked her new job.

And prayed no other Kingsman found out about it.

Especially Harry.

Especially her son.


	75. Fake Mustaches Really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't heard hugh laurie sing or play piano: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HrmAgYE-6k

Owain was sitting at the tailor's table when Hamish got the text. Hamish sighed and typed a little bit, giving Owain furtive glances. Owain grinned, he liked when Hamish tried to be sneaky. He was horrible at it.

"Mr. Donovan, it seems I have to cancel our plans for Thursday night." Hamish put his phone down.

"Awww, but we were going to that classy cinema that everyone goes to. We were going to watch Bela Lugosi's Dracula." Owain grabbed some black fabric and wrapped it over his shoulders. "I vant to suck yur blod."

"That was appalling." Hamish said fighting a smile.

"You liked it." Owain grinned. "So why you gotta cancel?" His grin widened when Hamish blushed a little.

"There are a couple people out ill, and not likely to improve. My friend who owns a jazz club needs me to come into play for the late set on Thursday night." Hamish couldn't quite make eye contact.

Owain sat up a little straighter. "I'm coming, right. I can come? Please say I can come. I want to hear you with a whole band and properly sing. You've played for me but not sung, not really, and I want to hear that. Oh please, let me come. Please. Pleeeeeease." Owain was bouncing on his stool.

"Really? It's mostly jazz, big band, and blues, sort of stuff."

"Do you ever sing Cole Porter? I like Cole Porter songs, they are clever. Mum and Dad dance to Cole Porter all the time because he was clever with words."

"I have, though not a lot." Hamish smile a bit. "You really want to come hear me play?"

"Hell yes." Owain nodded quickly.

"Very well then." Hamish grabbed Owain's phone and typed in an address and a time. "Meet me there, Mr. Donovan. But for now, I do believe you have sniper training with Guinevere."

"I don't like sniper rifles, if you can't be right there when you kill the person, what's the point?"

"See, that is why people worry about you going full dark side." But Hamish didn't sound that worried.

*******************

Owain was improving, Guinevere thought, but he'd never be better than minimum standards. "Not bad, Owain."

"Wasn't good though, sir." Owain looked through the sight. "Sorry, sir. Bit distracted. Get to go hear Hamish sing and play at a club on Thursday, little excited."

Guinevere paused a little. "That could be enjoyable."

Owain looked up sharply. "Uh, sir? He was reluctant to have me there, and I'm like his boyfriend. Don't know how he'd feel about lots of people showing up. Think having his work people there might make him shy."

"No, of course not. We'll wait for an invitation. I hope you have a pleasurable night. Now, focus."

"Yes, sir." Owain brought his head down again.

*******************

Harry and Michael were eating dinner when Michael dropped the intel he had. "Hamish will be singing in public Thursday night at a jazz club."

Harry perked up. "Date night! We're going."

"Owain was given to understand that Hamish is a bit nervous about playing in front of people he knows." Michael put his fork down carefully. "If we wish to go, we would have to keep mum about it Harry. And perhaps..."

Harry gasped. "Oh god, disguises. We can wear disguises. I want a hat, like an old timey fedora, it can dip low and hide the eye patch. Oooh and I can wear suspenders. That will disguise me completely."

"Hmmm, perhaps a beatnik black turtleneck sweater for myself." Michael said thoughtfully. "But Harry if we want to pull this off, we have to keep quiet."

"No, of course." Harry said. He leaned over and kissed Michael. "Quiet as a mouse."

*******************

Merlin took one look at Harry. "Spill the secret or I hide the good tea."

Harry tried to look innocent but was quivering to tell. Merlin just looked at him and waited. Harry was trying to stay strong and Merlin made the face that always cracked Harry like a walnut.  "Hamish is going to be performing in public Thursday night. We're going in disguise because he seems shy about playing in front of any of us."

"I'll wear a wig and a suit."

"Has Eggsy ever seen you in a wig?"

"No, this should be fun. Let him break out one of his fancy track suits, Hamish hasn't seen that before." Merlin nodded.

"You can't let this spread Merlin." Harry warned. "I'll be in trouble with Michael."

"Of course not Harry."

*******************

Pilar took one look at Merlin and pointed her welding torch at him. "You know something."

"I know many things."

"Don't make me hurt you."

"I can fire you." 

Pilar just snorted and lit the torch.

"A few of us are going in disguise to a jazz club to hear Hamish play." Merlin admitted.

Pilar's eyes widened. "Score, I can break out the red wig."

"Pilar, there are already a bunch of us going, I'm sure at a certain point that many new people at a club will be noticeable."

"Hey Bors, Twitch, and I can be totally subtle." Pilar protested.

Merlin just looked at her.

"Okay, we can't, but the room will be dark, he won't see us." Pilar smiled. "I'll build you that fucking machine you want."

"No one else knows."

"I won't say a word." PIlar crossed her heart.

She didn't have to, Twitch told everyone within an hour once he learned what he was doing Thursday night.

***********************

Hamish was backstage, talking with the bass player.

"You seem nervous tonight buddy." The man was American, who had come with a band in the 80s and just sort of never left. He had been playing at the club for decades and everyone adored him.

"My boyfriend is out there." Hamish admitted. "He's heard me play a little at home, but this is different." 

"Awww, actually got yourself a fella? He pretty?"

"Very. Sweet as well."

"Gonna sing a song for him?" The bass player teased.

"Maybe."

"What's he look like?" He peered around the curtain at the edge of the stage. "Wow, busy tonight for the late show."

"Really, usually we're only playing to a couple dozen."

"Nah, lots of new faces." The bass player scanned the crowd. "And why the hell are they all dressed like that? Is it like some sort of performance troupe?"

Hamish peered out as well and groaned.

"Don't see your guy?" 

Hamish scanned the crowd again. "No, he's here. Right at the close end of the bar." Hamish pointed a little. Owain could feel eyes on him and looked over and saw Hamish. He waved furiously. Hamish waved back.

"Shit, he's a cute young thing."

"He is." Hamish groaned again. "But, the man in the hat is my boss. And it seems almost all my co-workers, are here."

"How many?"

Hamish counted. "At least a dozen. And if this was them being subtle and trying to hide, it is a rather appalling attempt. Mrs. Innis is that red wig, and her husband, well he looks mostly like him, but their partner is in the cocktail dress. Twitch would look better in less lace. I'll set him up with a friend of mine, get him some nicer dresses." Hamish squinted. "Oh god, one of them is wearing a zoot suit." He banged his head against the wall. "Why are they all here?"

"Well my guess, is your co-workers found out from your boy and were excited to hear you play and wanted to support you." The bass player grinned. "How is that a bad thing?"

"I've only really ever had Uncle Andrew in the crowd before, rest is always strangers."

"Well they sure as shit seem strange. But looks like you landed a place with good folk. So how about we play the hell out of the club tonight?"

Hamish looked out at all of them. They were talking with each other and laughing and a couple even bouncing in excitement. "They are all idiots. But it seems like they are my idiots. Well, make me look good out there, if you please."

"Buddy, you do that yourself. Always like playing with you." He grabbed a beer and headed out on the stage. The drummer went out and the owner of the club stepped to the mic.

"Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a good man for you. Please give Hamish a warm welcome to the stage."

Hamish smiled and gave Owain a last look, and the boy was clapping hard. Hamish laughed as he heard whistles and shouts from the crowd. He took a breath and went on stage. He moved to the piano and started to play just letting the freestyle jazz pour out of his fingers and the trio just riffed for twenty minutes before they stopped. Hamish took a sip of the whiskey atop the piano and leaned into the mic. "Thank you. I'd like to thank you all for coming out tonight, especially my boyfriend. I hope you enjoy the music." He paused. "And to all my co-workers in the crowd. Really? You are horrible at disguises. Don't think I didn't notice the appalling fake mustache Rhys." 

Hamish took a breath and began to sing. He alternated between singing and just playing freestyle for a couple of hours, losing himself in the music. It was time for them to close out and he leaned into the mic. "Our last song folks." He was gratified to hear boos from the Kingsman. "Jesse, you said, you like Cole Porter. This is not Cole Porter, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. And I hope that Ray Charles would forgive the change in pronouns." And Hamish and the guys broke into a rousing version of [Hallelujah I Love Her So](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3pGknJ9ymI) only Hamish changed it all to be he's and Him's. At the end the band stood and took a bow. He thought about going backstage, but looked over and saw Owain. He nodded to the fellow players and hopped down off the stage and into the bar. 

Owain came over and Hamish was glad he had braced himself, as other wise the hug would have bowled him over. "Hi." Owain said.

"Hello, Jesse." Hamish kissed his temple. "Did you enjoy?"

"You were bloody brilliant!" Owain started gushing about all his favourite bits and Hamish steered him back to the bar so that he could get another whiskey. Owain kept talking and the bartender smiled at gave Hamish a subtle thumb's up. 

"Jesse, did you perhaps spill the beans to someone?"

"Only Michael, but he's the quiet secret keeping sort."

"Didn't you hear me say hello to everyone?" Hamish laughed a little at Owain's confusion.

"I guess? I mean I heard you say co-workers but thought you just meant your assistant. Was a little distracted by how sexy you were up there. Because seriously, you were amazing." Owain grinned happily. "Plus you called me your boyfriend. That was super distracting."

The house lights were up although still low. Hamish gently turned Owain around so that he could see all the Kingsman scattered around the room. "Merlin looks weird with hair." was all Owain managed to say. "And Pilar looks like Mexican Mary Jane, and I find it sort of hot." He blushed. "Sorry."

"It is quite attractive." Hamish said mildly. He smiled as the Kingsman as they looked like they were itching to talk to him but forcing themselves to stay still. "Come, I suppose we should indulge the idiots."

"Wait." Owain tilted his head and kissed Hamish. "You were amazing."

"Thank you, Jesse." Hamish took his hand and went over to Harry's table which was sort of a middle spot amid all the Kingsman. He sat down and looked at him. "Mr. Hart, subtle."

"I can be subtle." Harry pouted.

"No, none of you can." Hamish smiled. "Come on then." He called out a little louder and all the Kingsman came over, moving tables and chairs and chatting loudly. Taliesin started to talk pianos with him, and Roxy and Sarah babbled about how sweet the last song was. It was loud and chaotic and more support than Hamish had ever had.

Owain stayed curled under his arm and Hamish chatted and answered questions and teased them all about how shitty their disguises were.

And Hamish realized that somehow he had actually become one of them. They weren't friendly co-workers.

They were friends.


	76. Origin Story Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gawain joins the Kingsman

Rhys had been followed for days, guy was good, but he was better.

Okay, not better, but paranoid as fuck. His father had always said it wasn't paranoia if they were actually out to get you, but the man had mostly be talking about aliens. The man had done way too much LSD in the 60s. But some of his lessons were well taught enough that Rhys knew when he was being tailed.

Two cars back on the left. They always stayed two cars back on the left. Needed to be more creative. Rhys watched traffic as he rolled down his window and flipped them off. He tore through the red light and took a hard turn. No one knew the roads of London better than him. An hour later he was sure the tail was long gone and went to the shite flat that he shared with three other guys.

"Hey, remember how i told you some wankers were following me?" Rhys threw his keys on the table and pulled off his jacket. "Gave them the slip, wish I could have seen their faces."

"I would imagine they looked something like this." Lamorak smiled. And then he allowed his jaw to drop. "There, does that give you a good approximation?"

Rhys didn't think just threw the first thing at hand at the stranger. The man ducked easily and Rhys launched himself at the guy. His dad had taught him basic self defense, but more taught him how to think, how to use the space around him. He rarely lost a fight, which was good because he tended to end up in a good number of them thanks to his friends running their mouths. Only this guy was better. Rhys realized that quickly and followed his dad's rule of running is always an option. He threw a kitchen chair at the man and bolted for the fire escape.

But the man was fast and caught him around the legs. "Oh very well done."

"You've been tailing me, why?"

"Because you managed to get the drop on a man who has a bronze olympic medal in judo."

"Okay?" Rhys stilled a little, this wasn't where he expected the conversation to go. "Where's my mates?"

"I gave them a couple hundred quid, told them I was a lawyer here to talk about your father's estate." He slowly let Rhys go and Rhys sat up.

"Da didn't have an estate, dad had a tinfoil hat, and a sawed off shotgun."

"And you always had a new car, from the day you turned 16, vacations, the top of the line household security." The man smiled. "Your father's family had money, he was what they used to call the 'black sheep.' They threw money at him to keep him away from tea."

"That actually explains a lot." Rhys admitted. "So what do you want then?"

"To offer you a job."

"You been tailing me, and beat the shit out of me all to offer me a job?"

"You are the best driver I've seen in a long time, we could use a new driver. And your fighting skills show enormous potential." He held out a hand and helped Rhys up. "Tell me son, would you be interested in saving the world?"

Rhys waited for the punchline, but the guy just looked at him. Rhys thought of his dad who was completely fucked in the head, but lead a neighbourhood watch, and helped Mrs. Neers with her groceries, and told him to always protect the weaker, the helpless. "Why the fuck not?"

The man gave him a card. "One duffel bag. Be at this location at the date and time written on the back. There are tests, but I think you'll pass. I have a good feeling about you." He stepped over the broken furniture.

"What's your name, mate?"

"Lamorak."

"That ain't a real name."

"Have a good day, Rhys."

Rhys stared at the card.

_Kingsman_. 

Why the fuck not. He had to have his dad's old military bag around here somewhere.


	77. A Lost Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set a year or two in the future

"Hey Mum." Eggsy called out as he let himself into the house. No one ran to great him. "Mum, Daisy?" There was no answer. He pulled out his gun and started carefully working his way through the main level before going upstairs. He finally found his mum on her bed crying, there was no Daisy in sight.

"Mum." he ran over to the bed. "Mum, are you hurt, where's Daisy, where's Sean? Did he hurt you?" He checked her for signs of bruising.

"Wot?"

"I'm going to kill him." Eggsy tried to get up but his mum had a tight grip on his wrist.

"Eggsy, put the damn gun away. Can't you recognize happy tears?" Michelle swiped at her face a little.

"No. I'm a manly man, who only sheds a tear when England wins the Euro Cup." He put the gun away. "Where are they?"

"Sean took her to the park so they could have a bike ride, they love riding their bikes together."

"I would ride a bike with her," Eggsy grumbled. He couldn't help himself and wrapped his mum in a quilt. "When did you get a Tristan quilt?" It was beautiful. Elegant but a little flash, it suited his mum.

"A few months ago. We - we both had a rough spot, he wanted to thank me for my help. He's a good friend." Michelle snuggled into the blanket. "And you really hate riding a bike. Suppose you could get a skateboard and tag along with them. Ooh maybe Pilar could design a scooter that attaches to Merlin's leg."

"Mum!" Eggsy was shocked. Everyone had adjusted, but it was rare for anyone to joke about Merlin's leg.

"Oh lighten up, he'd like the idea."

She had a point.

"So, what's with the happy tears then?"

"I was looking at my Eggsy box." Michelle pointed and Eggsy finally noticed the box on the bed.

"I've never seen that before."

"Well, it's a mum thing, innit? Never had one of those fancy baby books, and was a bit random, wot ended up in here, but, it has some good stuff." Michelle pulled out a photo. "Look at how chubby you were, fat rolls I just wanted to eat up."

"Mum..." Eggsy looked at the photo, he was a few months old, and his father was holding him. He realized how few photos there were of he and his da. "I look like him." he added. "Always thought I looked like you."

"Hmmmm, you look like him as you get older. You realize soon, you'll be older than he ever got to be?" Michelle handed him another photo of Lee helping him to walk.

"Do you miss him?"

"I do. High school sweetheart." Michelle traced a finger over his photo. "It was such a young, all consuming love. He...he had too much of me, part of why I screwed up so badly when he died."

"Why aren't there more photos?"

"I destroyed most of the ones of he and I," she admitted. "Dean took care of the rest. But Dean never saw my Eggsy box." She sifted through. "We have some of your gymnastics medals, a letter from a teacher saying you could skip a grade, the first scarf you made me." 

Eggsy pulled it out of the box. "Oh my god, it's fucking horrible."

Michelle snatched it back and cuddled it. "It isn't!"

"Mum, it's lumpy and uneven and holes, and oh my god, the yarn is shit."

She made a face at him. "It's perfect, I won't have you say nothin bout it." she stroked it, like it was a beloved pet. Eggsy began to poke through the box a little, himself, finding random things. A bit of a costume from a school play, a beer label of all things, and then at the bottom a stack of letters.

"Mum, wot are the letters?"

She blushed a little. "Your letters to Santa."

"I remember putting those in the mail. We would all walk and I put them in the mail, and then we would get a hot chocolate and go home and watch The Grinch." He looked at the envelopes with childish writing.

"I palmed them." she said without a drop of remorse. "You were so cute about them, couldn't let them go just to be destroyed, or whatever they do with Santa letters at the Post." she looked at him. "Never actually opened them, they were your business, just...sort of kept them."

Eggsy leaned over the bed to kiss his mum's cheek. "You are a good mum."

She snorted. "No, I just have my moments."

"More than you think."

"Hush you."

Eggsy looked at the envelopes and opened the one on top. "Santa," he began to read in a serious voice. "Hullo, I hope you aren't too cold at the North Pole, seems stupid to live there." Eggsy began to laugh. "Jesus I was a brat even at 5. I have been good, so I would like a new football, and a baby brother that i can blame the juice spill on please and thank you."

Michelle laughed a little. "The next one." she said and Eggsy read his letter from when he was both six and seven. The seven was bittersweet, because when it had been written, Lee was still alive. They were quiet and hugged for a little bit.

"Thanks Mum, for having an Eggsy box."

"Come on, let me put this mess away, and I'll make you a cuppa." Michelle began to sweep it all back into the box, Eggsy watched those Santa letters slide away.

*****************************************

Merlin waited until it was late, to ask Eggsy what was bothering him.

Eggsy explained about the box, and Merlin nodded, Mums always had such. "She's wrong though." Eggsy said after a bit.

"Oh?" Merlin ran a hand up and down his back.

"I wrote one more letter to Santa." Eggsy had his head in Merlin's shoulder. "I was nine, knew he wasn't real, but hoped that maybe, just maybe there had been a bit of truth to the magic of it." he sighed. "Forgot about that letter until today."

"What was in that letter, do you remember?"

"I asked for my dad back. Mum had just been dumped and the guy had stolen to couple good pieces of jewelry she had. She drank so much that Christmas." Eggsy didn't talk a lot about those years, he liked to pretend it went from 7 to 24 with nothing in between. "So I wrote a letter to Santa, telling him I didn't need nothin again if just he brought Da back, even offered to work in his workshop. And that since Da was dead, and maybe he didn't have enough magic to bring a guy back not all zombied and shit, could he maybe send a hero. Someone who would keep us safe." Eggsy paused and sat up. "Fuck."

"What, Eggsy?"

Eggsy just looked at him, such a strange look on his face. "I asked Santa to send a badass, someone a little older, who could save us. That they would have to be clever, and quick, and strong. And in our neighbourhood good with a gun wouldn't be a bad idea." Eggsy began to laugh. "I asked for a cool soldier or a superhero or some shite, to just make it better, to take us all away, and give Mum a garden and me somethin to believe in again."

Merlin laughed too, understanding. "Well, took him a while, but he sent you Harry eventually."

"You idiot. Santa didn't send Harry, Harry was filling his debt, I had the medal the whole time." Eggsy cupped Merlin's face. "If there was magic, it sent me you. Fuck Merlin, you were my Christmas wish when I was nine." Eggsy pressed his forehead to Merlin's. "You were my wish."

Merlin held him close, a tight hug, and didn't say a word.


	78. Who Guards the Guardians 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pet pov

**New Friends**

Not scared.

Not scared.

NOT SCARED.

My human will be back, he promised. Pretty human always comes back and cuddles and he left a shoe. Has to come back for the shoe. Always comes back and it's fine. He didn't mean to drink all that milk, but it was tasty and now his tummy hurts and there is nowhere to run and not his human keeps touching him and the cage to too big and no hiding places and he's not a scared - not a scared bunny.

NOT SCARED.

But trying to hide behind the running shoes seemed like the best idea.

Too many dogs here all loud and barking and demanding attention. No quiet like home. Harvey whimpers, home. He wants home.

It went quiet, why did it go quiet. Is it aliens? He shouldn't have watched that movie with his human, he now thinks everything is aliens.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 

That can't be a dog's head, and he's on a table how is he even seeing the dog? Is it a monster, have they made a monster dog. Harvey tries to hide behind his shoe even more.

A woof. No, more a boof. Why is it a friendly sound, does it politely eat nice not scared kitties like Harvey?

Harvey peeked over the shoe laces and there was the monster dog.

 _Not scared_. Harvey said.

_Course not, this is a nice kennel they take care of us._

_Are you a monster?_ Oh the dog made a sad whine at that.

_No. Just big. If Bilbo isn't around, I'm the dog in charge of the humans. Hello. I'm Q._

_Harvey._

_Sore tummy?_

Harvey nods and is shocked and cowers when Q pops open the cage but then the dog disappears. Harvey isn't going to move, it's a trap. That's what all the movie say trap. And he isn't a scared bunny and he isn't a dumb bunny. But nothing happens and Harvey eventually moves from behind the shoe and goes to the open door and swats it open. Q is on a big cushion.

_I'm warm and breathe so, little dog JB says sleeping against me makes him feel better. You can do, have to help the new guys. M helps the people, and I help the pets._

It was another 20 minutes before Harvey slunk over and curled up next to Q. It was warm and soft and did make him feel a little better.

His human would be so happy.

Harvey made a friend all on his own.

 

**Old Enemies**

Wrong person was up to something. Something sneaky and tricky and didn't want right person to know.

 **Unacceptable**.

He was not behaving as wrong person was supposed to. He generally knew his place, worshiping right person, which meant worship and humble servitude to the all powerful Dread Pirate Mewttins. But now, now he was up to something and didn't want right person to know. Well they thought they were trick spies, they would now learn from the master. He would begin his investigation right away.

Wait - what was that invader? It must be investigated.

It took a few days to heroically defeat the dust balls under the couch and right person gave him a can of the good food in a show of gratitude and awe. He had freed the mighty mouse toy that the dust balls had stolen and all was right with the universe.

Then he saw wrong person only take half an bread circle that popped out of the hot thing and didn't put on any of the orange stuff that he usually did.

And he, the most cleverest cat ever, figured it out.

Wrong person had forgotten how to feed himself.

Well fine, if wrong person had hit his head, or been hit by some aliens stupid ray, it wasn't his problem. He was going to have a nap.

When he woke up he realized that right person would be sad if wrong person grew ill from lack of food.

Fine, the Dread Pirate Mewttins would show his true noble spirit and graciously help the foolish wrong person. He did it for duty, for honour, for another can of salmon.

He was pleased with the small bird he put in wrong person's shoe, it should be an excellent snack. And yes that was a scream of pleasure, and astonishment at the kill he had made.

Why was the bird not eaten? Wrong person is really going to be that picky? Fine.

Fine, it's not like he was worried about wrong person.

The next three mornings he put a dead mouse on wrong person's pillow that should feed the fool.

Only he didn't eat them either.

And still no orange stuff on his circle thing.

and wrong person seemed tired and sad. Not that he cared.

But right person was going to fix this now.

He meowed at right person and kept glaring at wrong person, needing him to see. It took two days but then the two men were having one of "those" talks where voices were low and they ended up without their outer fur on in the bedroom and made the noises that were gross.

The next morning, he was pleased to see wrong person eat two circles with orange stuff. No, wait he wasn't pleased.

Wrong person looked at him. "Were you trying to take care of me?" he asked.

 _NO!_ Dread Pirate Mewttins did no such thing, it was just that right person would be sad. He meowed and hissed just to make sure the lesser being remembered his place.

"No of course not. Just like I didn't buy this new toy for you." 

A wand dangle toy!!!!!! He scurried to the ground to attack the bouncing foe.

He ignored wrong person's happy laugh.

He wasn't content to hear the noise.

 

**Teachers**

"Come on Declan, you can do it, just pick up your booty a little." Pretty woman said to baby. They were trying to get the baby to crawl. Medb couldn't understand why, the rolling was just enough of a problem - she had to fish him out from under the coffee table the other day. It was better if he stayed put, much easier for her to take care of him them.

But pretty really wanted it and mistress seemed to as well. Hmmmm, and puppies did learn to walk. And baby could be fun to play with in the garden.

Medb would take over this duty as well. It would be a pleasure to make her women happy. They both had nice smiles and gave wonderful pets.

Baby was a good baby too, he never tugged to hard on her ear and just sort of thumped his hands against her in an attempt to pet. Yes she could do this.

Only he was a stubborn baby, like his women. He wouldn't get his bum up. He slithered around a little, but didn't realize if he picked himself up it would go easier.

During tummy time, Medb took to nudging Baby's bum, or wriggling her nose under his tummy. He thought this the best game and would giggle as the wet nose touched his bare tummy. Medb liked the giggle, and thought the game was fun too.

It took a week of nudges and her showing him how to do it and then, then Baby did it.

He crawled a few metres and looked at Medb and giggled and flopped down. She went over and nudged his tummy and this became the new game, he would crawl, and then look at her and flop so she would do the nose nudge again. They circled the living room when Pretty came in and gasped.

"Roxy, get a camera!" Pretty yelled. Pretty came in and sat on the floor. "Declan, can you crawl to Mummy?" she held out the soft hands that gave perfect tummy rubs. Mistress was running down the stairs. Medb gave Declan the bum nudge and he made his way over to Pretty who scooped him up and was laughing and praising him.

Mistress caught it on camera and then came over to Medb. "Good girl, teaching him like that. You take such good care of him. Our beautiful queen."

Medb basked in the praise. Her family was a good family. And she helped them a lot.


	79. Michelle Gets a Second Job Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy finds out how Mum has been earning some mad money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter is funny and then takes a turn and talks about Michelle and Dean but ends funny.

Michelle was having her quarterly meeting with Nicki. They used to do it in Nicki's office, Michelle a little nervous in the shop, but with her success with the parties, she didn't mind it so much. It was fun to sit behind the counter and go through catalogues and talk about what would sell and what wouldn't. Nicki was a wonderful boss, and Michelle was saving up to take Sean for a weekend away. He still turned bright red whenever she mentioned she had an event to go to, but he definitely liked some of the things that she had decided it was a good idea to personally sample. Nicki was talking about them going to a sex trade show together, and Michelle couldn't wait for Sean's reaction.

"Awww, bugger. I'm expecting a call Michelle, stupid car is in the shop. You don't mind minding the till do you? My girl should be done her lunch soon."

"No, of course not." Michelle looked over at a wall. "Ohhhh, cute new buttplugs! Look it the bunny tail."

"The whimsical animal line, small sellers, but worth stocking. Go take a look." Nicki was swearing at her phone and walking away.

Michelle grabbed her little notebook and walked around the shop, noting the new inventory, what she thought would be a hit at parties and what wouldn't. She was humming to herself, when the chime at the door rang. She walked back to the front of the shop, "Hello, Welcome to Solomon's Song, lovely day isn't it?" And oh my, but that was a fine looking fellow.

He winked at her. "Sure is, mum."

"Not that old boy-o that a handsome fellow like you should be calling me mum. Unless that's your thing." She winked right back. Never let it be said that she couldn't play the game. She couldn't wait to tell Sean about this. "Now you a regular here, or just browsing?"

"Just browsing. Had some time to kill, have heard about this place, thought I'd check it out."

"Well feel free to look around, I'll try to answer any questions you have Mister -"

"Corben, love, just call me Corben."

"Oh, you're good." Michelle smiled and went behind the counter. Corben walked around the shop, called out to her a few times and she answered back cheekily. It was fun. Sean, god bless, had not been given a decent flirt bone when put together. The man came up to the front with a few items and a wicked grin.

"So, mum, what time do you get off?" he asked.

"Whenever my boyfriend touches me." she answered.

He stepped back and held a hand to his chest as if wounded. "So you just play a sad boy to make a sale. Shame, shame, shame."

"I'm betting you don't lack for company." she began to ring up the items and looked at one little egg vibe. "No, not this one. Hold on." she went across the store. "You want this, it's actually cheaper and the batteries last longer."

Corben nodded in appreciation. "Is the boyfriend as good looking as me?"

"Yes." she rang up the last item and took his credit card.

"I'm rich."

"So's he."

"And he hasn't taken you away from the boring life of customer service?"

"I'm good at my jobs and like them. He respects that." Michelle licked her lips. "That and the free samples."

"I bet he does." Corben leaned on the counter. They both knew this was a game and nothing was going to happen. "I have access to a great deal of sexy rides."

"He has a Volvo and can get my daughter's booster seat in it, in 45 seconds."

"I'm badass, proper spy I am. Don't you want to date James Bond?" 

Michelle blinked. "That wasn't a lie."

Corben looked at her and straightened a little. "Course it was luv, just an office drone like any other bloke."

"No, that's the lie. You are a spy." Michelle looked him up and down carefully. "Are you a 00?" Corben just looked at her. "No, that would be too restrictive for you." Michelle looked carefully at his clothes and watch. And started to laugh hysterically. "Oh god, oh god, oh god."

Corben figured he should make a quick exit. He grabbed his bag and gave a polite nod. "Are you Ector, Kay, Lamorak, or Bedievere - those are the only ones I actually haven't met." Corben froze to the spot.

"Who are you then?"

Michelle just laughed some more. "You just bought sex toys from Galahad's mother and Sean's girlfriend. Do tell them I said hello." Michelle had to grab the counter she was laughing so hard.

Corben had no idea what to do. "Uh yeah, bye." he fled the shop.

Michelle couldn't wait to tell Sean.

**********************************

She was a little surprised to find Eggsy in the house making tea when she got in a couple hours later. "Hi darling." she kissed his cheek. 

"Hi Mum." Eggsy wasn't smiling though.

"Is something wrong, do you have a rough business trip coming up?"

"No a couple drops in South America soon, but nothing." Eggsy handed her a cup and grabbed the plate of cookies and they sat down. It was an awkward silence for a time. 

"You do know I have to pick Daisy up in an hour?"

"Course I do. I know her schedule." Eggsy wasn't looking at her.

"Did you have a fight with Lachlan?"

"No Mum, we're aces like always." he took a breath. "Do you need money?"

"No?" Michelle's voice was high, confused. 

"Because me and Lachlan have a bunch and you know I don't mind helping out Mum."

"We're fine Eggsy. With the second job, more than fine really. Planning a family trip to Disney on reading break actually." Michelle said cheerfully. She watched Eggsy flinch a little. "I guess Corben said hello then."

"Jesus Mum, you work in a sex shop?"

"Not really, I was just in for my quarterly meeting, and the owner had to take a call, so I minded the counter for a bit." Michelle shrugged. "I run things like hen parties, deal with customers who prefer one on one orders, not going into the shop or ordering online. Really good at it, actually."

"I thought the tea shop paid you decent that you didn't need a second job."

"It does, and I love it, but wanted a bit extra. To take Sean out like he does me. Also do all Kingsman spend that bloody much on dates?"

"Yeah, it's a thing." Eggsy rolled his eyes. "But Mum, selling sex toys?"

"You use them."

"Oh god Mum!" Eggsy hung his head. "Why couldn't you get a job in a bookstore, or selling jewelry or such then?"

"Because none of those have the same flexible hours. This job doesn't affect my tea shop hours, if I do a party it is on Friday nights when you have Daisy overnight. I work as little or as much I want. At my meeting today I actually got a raise. I'm bringing in good numbers and my commission price changed from 10% to 13% Eggsy. Aren't you proud of me?"

"For selling dildos to women drunk on some pink cocktail?" 

"For being good at a job and meeting the needs of my customers." Michelle said sharply. "It's work, and I have to be clever and the right mix of business and naughty aunt to get them to buy more than they expected, to not just treat me as free entertainment for the party. And you know what it's fun!"

"Thought you would have been well shot of this kind of fun, after some of the stuff Dean had you do and wear." Eggsy shot back. "Or was it actually fun then too?"

Michelle wrapped her hands very carefully around her cup and stared at the last of the liquid in it. She heard Eggsy get up and watched him pour in a little more. He sat down again. "Mum -"

Michelle found herself filled with rage. She looked up and Eggsy shut his mouth and paled at whatever he saw on her face. "Gary Lee Unwin, would you like to know your mother's sexual history?"

"No ma'am."

"Are you sure, because I'd be happy to tell you when I lost my virginity, it was very exciting. Oh wait, no it wasn't, it was just as crap as a 16 year old girl expects her first time to be. Would you like to know how your father was in bed?" Eggsy shook his head no. "Because he was sweet and kind, and loved me and never got me off. Would you like to know about the half dozen fuck buddies and boyfriends between your father and Dean? Where I let my body be used, because then it felt something, anything, and maybe if I traded it, well we'd have a stable life, someone to help take care of us?"

"Mum..." Eggsy's face was shattered.

"Dean was good you know at the start."

"Jesus Mum." Now Eggsy just looked sick.

"Oh, I'm sorry I thought you wanted to know my definition of fun." Michelle dunked a biscuit into her tea viciously. "He was great at the start and then just subtly always changed the parameters. Just try it baby you might like it and if you don't we'll stop. Only of course eventually he didn't stop, but hey if he was busy with some bondage bullshit, well he wasn't fucking you over was he?" Michelle looked at him. "And sometimes it was still fun, when I was drunk, or high, it seemed great. I was just...I wasn't there and it made me there."

"He raped you Mum. I know that."

"So do I. Do you think I don't? Do you know how much Graham and I have talked about what we both went through, what we've both faced and how we came out on the other fucking side?" Michelle looked at Eggsy. "What do you want me to be right now Eggsy?"

"I don't understand." he whispered.

"Do you want me to be a living monument to the fuck ups I made? Do you want me to be an eternal victim?"

"No."

"Do you want me to be cold? Do you not want me to have finally, finally figured out what does make me happy?" Michelle looked at him. "I use some of what I sell yeah. By myself and with Sean, my boyfriend, because even if he isn't wanting to orgasm, because he's got a low sex drive, he wants to see me happy and come whenever I want."

"I hate this conversation."

"I promise you, I am not having fun here either Eggsy." she sighed. "I'm your mother, and yeah I'd imagine finding out I sell sex toys is damned awkward, but since when do you think it is a good idea to question decisions people make for themselves?"

"Probably when the person has a history of making such shit decisions for themselves like you do." he answered without thinking.

Michelle nodded at him. "That's a fair point." she stood up. "Get out of my house. I need to shower before I pick up your sister."

"Mum, I'm sorry."

She looked at him. "That's a lie. And you know what? Just this once, I'm not going to believe it." she left him alone in the kitchen.

That night Sean came over after Daisy was in bed. "Eggsy sent me." 

Michelle nodded and Sean opened up his arms and she walked into his embrace and started to cry. "He was just letting out all the stuff he's always held back. He wasn't wrong." Michelle was gasping and getting tears and snot all over his sweater.

"It doesn't mean he was right though." Sean ran a hand up and down her back. "You are a brilliant and astonishing woman." he kissed her head. "I'm proud of you. You have jobs you love and are good at, you are raising Daisy beautifully. You are smart and creative and incredible."

"I'm a mess."

"We're all messes." he countered. "Including your son."

She pinched his side. "My son is not a mess."

"Sure he is." Sean kept rubbing her back. "Otherwise he wouldn't have said that bullshit. Otherwise even though it is embarrassing for a kid, he wouldn't have confronted you like that."

"I'm going to quit."

"Like fuck you are, if it is just for him, to appease some sort of weird ass prudery in a lad who likes bloodplay and corsets." Sean said. "If you want to quit because you don't like the job, that's fine - support you 100%, but you are not giving it up just because Eggsy is being a twat."

"I do love it." Michelle said, her crying slowly dying out.

"There you go then." Sean kissed her puffy face. "Want me to stay tonight?"

"I have new cowboy pajamas for you. Bought them last week."

"Do they have horses on them?"

"Yeah."

"Neat." Sean guided her upstairs. "He is sorry you know. Proper sorry. Lachlan was taking him home, he hurt himself but good training."

Michelle sighed. "He gets that from me, hurting yourself when scared or angry."

"A habit you both need to stop." Sean helped her into the old t-shirt and men's boxers she wore for sleeping and slipped on his new cowboy pajamas. They snuggled into bed.

"We're working on it."

"Good." Sean held her close. "Now tell me all about Corben's face when he realized you were my girl."

Michelle giggled and told him about the poor man's reaction.

*******************************

A few days later, Michelle got a call from Nicki. "Hey Michelle. I had an interesting party request and I think you should say no."

"Okay..." That was not how Nicki usually started.

"The person who wanted to book said it was mostly going to be guys, maybe a couple women. I'm not sure I like that dynamic for you, especially at a private residence."

"That doesn't sound like the best recipe." Michelle agreed. "Did they say why they wanted the party?"

"An apology." she could hear Nicki's frown. "And I am pretty sure they gave me a fake name - Gary Sosorry."

Michelle smiled a little. "Is there a phone number?"

"Yes." Nicki rattled off Eggsy's personal number. "But Michelle, I'm not sure -"

"Trust me I know 70% of the men and I bet all the women who will be there - I'm perfectly safe."

"I'm sending along Bruce, and that is not negotiable. Call the guy and then call me back."

"Will do, Nicki. Thanks for looking out for me." 

Michelle walked around the house a little and took a few deep breaths. She dialed the number. "I'm calling to talk to Gary Sosorry about a party he wanted to book?" she used her best professional voice.

Eggsy was quiet for a minute. "Of course, I am Sosorry."

"Not a lie."

"No, it isn't. Not even a little. I am very much Sosorry." A breath. "I am proud of you Mum."

"Thank you, darling. Now then when would you like to book your party for?"

"Uh, Mum, this was just a way to prove my sincerity. We're not going to actually -"

"When would you like to book your party for if you are in fact Mr Sosorry." her voice was firm, the one that used to take away t.v. privileges.

There was a gulp. "2 weeks Saturday?" he squeaked.

"Lovely. I will email you my needs, how I run a party and then we can discuss." Michelle hung up and smiled.

At work Eggsy collapsed into a puddle. Harry gave him a sympathetic pat. His husband did not, he just smirked.

"Oh don't be smug. You are going to have to by a fucking dildo from your mother in law. At a sex toy party. In your home."

Merlin stopped laughing.

"I'lI make a snack tray. I wonder what she sells in terms of harnesses." Harry wondered aloud.

Eggsy curled in a ball on the ground.


	80. I've Always Wanted to See Belize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander screws up.  
> Daisy is about 16, he's 17 (this is when Daisy has already moved in with Merlin and Eggsy)

Daisy was whistling as she got home. Merlin had been called into a quick meeting with Harry and Eggsy was on a stakeout somewhere in town but not expected home until tomorrow. Alexander was probably already in if he hadn't gotten detention again. She wondered if she could convince him they wanted to order in Chinese tonight. His bike was in the drive like she expected, but when she went in the house the music was blaring which was odd.

"Alexander?" she called out and she pulled her tazer out. "You home?"

"Yeah." 

Daisy was worried, he sounded so broken in just that one word. She hurried up the stairs and found him sitting in the hall and drinking a beer. "Is that Merlin's I.P.A.? The good bottle he was saving? Are you mental?"

He raised it in a toast. "I'm dead anyways Dais, might as well go out a little toasted."

"Did those guys come back for you?" Daisy crouched beside him. "Because they'll take care of that."

"Dear sweet Daisy, this is so much worse than drug running jackboot thugs who try to cut off my fingers."

"What can be worse than that?" Alexander waved a hand towards Eggsy's craft room. Daisy opened the door. "Oh holy fuck, Alexander." she collapsed on the ground beside him.

"I was watching Jonesy's ferret for him, because he had to go see a sick granny or some crap. And I thought he looked so bored in his cage. Do you know how fast ferrets are?" Alexander took another slug of the beer and passed the bottle to Daisy who took a healthy chug. "He seemed to like the silk best. He shit on alpaca."

Daisy looked at the silk yarn on the ground that had once been a beautiful yarn cake, with other beautiful yarn cakes on the custom built shelves and was now tatters on the ground. "That was small batch hand painted in Thailand."

"Yup." Alexander put the empty bottle down.

"Called Smithy and she took the beast. Not fair for an innocent animal to go down with me."

"That is probably thousands of pounds of yarn ruined. Some of it is irreplaceable."

"Told you, dead. You can have my shit."

They heard the door. "Guys, I'm home. Harry was being a moron and I just walked out. We should go out for chips." Merlin came up the stairs and saw his kids on the ground. He immediately pulled a gun out at the looks on their faces.

Alexander looked up at his hero. "Dad, I want you to know that I loved you. That I loved the life you guys gave me here, the opportunities, the affection. Know that I don't want you to divorce over Eggsy killing me."

Merlin crouched down in front of Alexander. "There is nothing ye can do, that would make Eggsy kill you."

Both Alexander and Daisy just pointed.

Merlin look at the room and didn't react. He had faced the end of the world too many times to react noticeably. Instead he just nodded and went back towards his bedroom. A couple minutes later he came out with three backpacks. "Your bag." He handed them and an envelope over. "Your fake i.d.s, passports, some cash. We cannae use a Kingsman vehicle to get away. I've got open ended tickets we gave use once we get to Heathrow. A short flight to Barcelona or Paris, where we change i.d.s again before flying to the States. One more name change and then we buy a truck and drive to Belize. You'll home school, I'll get a job at a bar, be an ex-pat and we'll live off the grid as much as possible. Move out."

The kids nodded and followed him to the car and they drove to the airport. They were sitting at their gate, delayed by a problem with the guidance system, when Eggsy came over the loudspeakers. "Would the Granger party please come to security, we found your missing wallet."

Alexander looked at Merlin in a panic. "I don't want to die."

Merlin pulled him in a tight hug. "Bringing you into the fold was one of the best decisions in my life. Look after your sister, live a good life. Here is everything you need to get there. I'll take the heat. You two stay strong." He gave Alexander an extra hug, and Daisy a kiss on the forehead and went to security.

Eggsy was standing there in his suit and just smiled at his husband. "Belize?"

Merlin snorted. "What? No! Where would you even come up with that? Harry just asked me to run a mission."

"Where's Alexander and Daisy?" Eggsy tilted his head and jesus did the man look pissed.

"With friends, I'd imagine. Where else would they be on a school night?"

Only of course his idiot and noble children came storming into the room.

"I can't let you take the heat Dad." Alexander moved in front of Merlin and looked at Eggsy.

Eggsy felt himself melt at the picture of protection that Alexander was. Also there was a great deal of remorse and just a little fear in his eyes. "Alexander, what did I do to make you destroy my room? Did I miss something important? What did I do wrong?"

"What?" Alexander looked at him. "I didn't set the ferret in there on purpose. Why would I do that? Those little fuckers are fast and he just sort of dove in before I could catch him."

Eggsy pinched the bridge of his nose. "The ferret?"

Alexander opened his mouth but Eggsy just held up a hand. He watched both Merlin and Daisy take Alexander's hands. He sighed. "Come on, let's go home."

They all drove home, Eggsy ahead of them in his car.

"Is this a bad time to say that Belize could have been cool?" Daisy asked. "Mom and Sean sent a postcard from Mexico a few months ago. I want to learn scuba diving." Merlin glared at her. "Yeah, wrong time."

"I want to see a rain forest." Alexander admitted.

"His yarn died and I tried to engineer an escape to a different continent. Do you think we are seeing freedom ever again?" Merlin asked.

"No, sir." they agreed.

They walked into the house and heard Eggsy yell, "Is this poop on the Alpaca?"

"Make a break for it, try number 2?" Alexander asked, even as the three started for the stairs.

"I'll make sure ye have a nice gravestone." Merlin promised.

 


	81. Leave of Absence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set about three years in the future

Tristan sat in his quilting room with fabric spread all around him. A few of the dogs were with him, and a few with Liz. Hiccup crawled into his lap. And whined a little. "Yes, I know, Bilbo would have picked excellent colours, but we'll manage won't we little guy?" No matter how much the black lab had grown he was always the little guy. "No, not Harry Potter, not yet." he answered the bark. Wendy-lady yawned in the corner. "No, we won't have it look like a circuit board. Nothing that screams Liz or myself. Something different, this first one has to be just for them, not about what we love." Neville barked a bit. "An intriguing idea, but maybe not a teddy bear." Tristan moved and Hiccup fell off his lap he began to put squares down in bright cheerful colours.

"Is that a snail?" Liz asked from the door.

Tristan sat back and looked up at her. "It is, and if I use all squares it has a fun 8-bit style. Do you like?"

Liz walked into the room and settled into Tristan's lap holding her tea cup carefully. "I do like it. I like it a lot." She rubbed Hiccup's head. "A nursery full of bugs could be fun. Ladybug pillow, a cheerful spider. I could crochet a bunch of little animals to make a mobile."

"That could be fun. Paint the room a nice soft grass green." Tristan wrapped his arms around her stomach. "No sick today?"

"Nope. Three mornings now, no vomit. Fingers crossed." Liz smiled. "We can start to tell people. I mean besides the fact you've already told Sin."

"You told your knitting circle." Tristan countered.

"I didn't tell them, Mrs Carson took one look at me and said 'oooh look at who got up the duff'. I didn't even know people still said that anymore." Liz touched a square of fabric. "And I'm pretty sure Merlin figured it out the morning I puked on him, but he's been kind enough to not say anything, let me make the announcement."

"I need to talk to Harry about paternity leave." Tristan said.

"How long are you thinking of asking for? Two or three months?" Liz knew under the new rules she could have up to a year and didn't want to admit that she dreaded the thought. She loved the baby already so much, but the thought of being away from work for longer than a month frankly horrified her, she loved the job, and was so close to Merlin trusting her as an equal. Sin and the Twins used her exclusively as their handlers now and Gawain was trusting her more and more. She felt like she would be losing so much being gone for six months or a year.

"Liz..." Tristan was quiet. "You would hate staying home."

"I'm sure I would grow to love it."

"I would come home one day and find the house fully computerized and sentient."

Liz bit her lip. "I hate the idea of being home that long."

"What about 6 weeks?" Tristan asked.

"You'd be off that time too?" Liz thought about it. "And then there is Allison, she is a little bored now that Declan is in school, though as she says she's nanny to a bunch of the idiots who sit at the table as well."

"I'd be off for a year."

Liz was quiet.

"Ma'am?" Tristan asked, nervous. "Ma'am, say something."

"You want a year of paternity leave." Liz twisted in his lap to face him.

"I do."

"Why? Because I don't?" Liz looked at him carefully.

Tristan shook his head. "No, because I want it." He played with a twist of her hair. "I want to take care of her."

"Or him."

"Or him." he agreed, his gut though said girl. "I want to rock them to sleep and play with their toes and wear them close to my chest while I sew or take the dogs for walks. I just want to take care of them for a little while. And we could come to the estate a lot, have lunch with you, and sometimes let Allison mind them so we can have alone time." Tristan shrugged. "I want to be a stay at home dad for a while, because I want that."

"You are very good at taking care of those you love." Liz kissed his wrist by her cuff on him. "We have to talk to Merlin and Harry."

"You talk to your boss and I'll talk to mine."

******************************

"Merlin, I need a formal meeting." Liz said stepping into their office. "Oh you look like crap."

"Daisy spent the night with us, Michelle has the flu and didn't want her sick. Only Daisy did catch it and I got sick all over me. Thrice." Merlin stood up and grabbed the can and hopped over to the couch and collapsed. "The thought of putting the leg on today seemed like so much work. Plus it smells like sick." He leaned back and closed his eyes. "If ye throw up on me too, you're fired."

Liz sat on the couch beside him. "No sick day four now. I'm pregnant."

"Congratulations, I am completely and totally shocked." Liz snorted at that. "How long lass?"

"13 weeks about." 

"Take whatever breaks ye need, we'll get ye a better chair for in here. And we'll move your annual certification to a different time, dinnae want gunfire around the tiny ears."

"Right, good plan."

"Eggsy is knitting booties."

"I'll be requesting a six week maternity leave and a flexible schedule for another six weeks after that." 

"That is all?"

"Come on think about it." Liz elbowed him.

"Tristan will make an excellent stay at home parent." Merlin agreed. "And I'm selfish enough to want ye here. I've become accustomed to ye at my side. But we'll keep it flexible aye? Ye want a couple more weeks at home, or to come back two or three days a week, we'll work it out."

"Sounds good Merlin." Liz nodded. "So want to talk about Roxy in Bolivia?"

"Nae, let's have a nap."

"Oh that sounds lovely." Liz snuggled into the corner of the sofa and Merlin popped the recliner side up so he could stretch out. "Computer will beep if the world is ending right?"

"Probably."

"Good."

**********************************

"Arthur." Tristan stood at parade rest in front of Harry.

"Tristan. Is there a problem?" Harry put down his tablet and looked at him. "You have a job coming up in Vietnam, I believe."

"No that will be fine." Tristan shook his head. "Liz is pregnant."

Harry smiled happily. He loved babies. "Congratulations. When is she due?"

"End of June." Tristan smiled a little. "The gardens will look lovely for a wee babe."

"Well the Kingsman will support you however we can."

"Good, I am formally requesting a year's paternity leave."

Harry blinked. "I thought we allowed six months paternity leave."

"You do, but Liz will only be taking a few weeks of her optional leave, so I will claim that time and add it to mine."

"I'm not sure it works like that." Harry frowned. "Can it work like that? Did I write the rules with enough wiggle room?"

Tristan just stood there. "I am pretty sure, Arthur, you can bend the rules however you like."

"You can't expect us to just hold your seat at the table for a year."

"Yes I can." Tristan countered. "I will stay in shape and re-certify for everything at the end of the year, and even do a psych eval."

"Tristan, you are our best tracker. To be without you for a year would be difficult."

"I will quit over this, Arthur."

"Give me a minute to think. And sit down. You look bloody terrifying looming like that." Harry waved to a chair. He rocked his own chair side to side and hummed a little. "Okay. You can have a year's leave and we will hold your place at the table for you. But we are, over the course of that year, allowed to call on you 3 times for an emergency so long as your absence would be no longer than 10 days."

"What constitutes an emergency?" 

"A Kingsman missing, retrieval of a nuclear device, or if I go full dark side."

"Acceptable." Tristan said immediately.

"Don't agree to killing me so quickly, pretend to think about it for a minute." Harry frowned.

Tristan nodded and raised his fingers to his lips in a thinking pose. "I find your terms acceptable."

"Wonderful. Now let's talk cribs, because I have decided that is what I do - buy cribs for Kingsman having babies." Harry grinned.

The two men talked about cribs for three hours.

When it was made and delivered 3 months later all the dogs took to sleeping in a circle around it.

Liz disabled the security lasers after Gregor lost a patch of fur.


	82. Origin Story Part 4

"I didn't mean to, I swear! Swear down true, didn't mean to do it!" he sat on the chair in the Principal's office, his feet couldn't reach the floor. "Don't call my mom."

"You destroyed several hundred pounds of science equipment. In a lab you aren't supposed to be in for another 3 years." the principal said. "You created a smoke bomb."

"Not a good one!"

"The whole upper floor smells like horrendous, I'd say it was a pretty good one."

"I'll clean it up."

"Yes you will." he reached for the phone and the boy sighed.

He was so losing telly privileges for the rest of his life.

************************************

"Lookit, it were an accident." he explained to the vice principal. He had a growth spurt over the summer and rather towered over the tiny woman. But her glare could level anyone.

"Mr Blythewood, you mixed an acid and a base and caused a fire."

"I put it out right away."

"That doesn't excuse the mess. You are better than that. You know what that will do."

"Yes, but with the right compound to stabilize it, you could."

"There is nothing that works like that."

"I know!" he yelled frustrated. "I am trying to create it and you small minded idiots keep taking my notes away."

Her eyes widened. "Your notes read like the anarchist's cookbook. Your lucky they haven't been turned over to the authorities for terrorist concerns."

"I'm not a bloody terrorist. I'm a scientist." 

"Not the way you are going about it." she glared at him. "I'm calling -"

"My mother yes I know."

*************************************

"This expulsion hearing is a formality because your student representative requested it." the man at the table in front said.

"It is problem procedure for cases like that of Mr Blythewood." the man argued. "No matter that your ruling won't change, procedure matters."

"He created a liquid that ate through titanium."

"I didn't mean to, I was trying to create liquid titanium."

"That's impossible to sustain."

"Perhaps, but we should try." he argued.

"All your ideas fail, usually in spectacular fashion. You had consistently the lowest ratings as a t.a. and research assistant and have in fact lost this school money with your showing at that science exhibition."

"Science is limitless, things must be explored."

"Not by a madman." the Dean said. "I'm sorry but you are stripped of your credentials and will not be allowed to complete your phd or be in anyway associated with this school ever again. Mr. Sinjin Blythwood. You will be escorted of the property. Good day."

Sinjin was indeed escorted out and slid into his mother's car who didn't say a word.

***************************************

"Get out of my way you fool, that's an unstable compound."

"Yes I am rather aware of that. Hence why I am attempting to destroy the bomb that it is attached to." 

Sinjin ignored the man in the suit and hauled over the fat trap from the food kiosk in the stadium. He also grabbed the salt and emptied out his janitor bucket.

"Do I even want to know?"

"Based on the colour and bubbles and sheer liquidity of it, this will help." he mixed the fat and salt together hoping he had the ratio right.

"Help what, assault my nostrils?" the man pulled out his wire cutters. "Oh dear, secondary switch, have you made peace with your maker?"

"My god is science." Sinjin kept an eye on the liquid which started to bubble more.

"Well have you made peace with Science then?" 

"Peace enough." 

"I have maybe one second after I cut this to cut the wire on the other side of the box. I am good, quite excellent in fact, but still we are likely to die, when that liquid bubbles to wherever it is suppose to bubble."

"Not if as you cut the wire I make sure it drops into the bucket. It will neutralize it."

"Are you certain?"

"Yes." Sinjin was in no way certain, all his crazier ideas were theoretical.

But the man took it on faith. "3, 2, 1."

He cut the wire and Sinjin hit it hard into the bucket.

They didn't die.

"Merlin, threat neutralized. What do you suggest about the janitor?" 

Sin saw the gun at the man's side and wondered if he should run.

"Excellent my thoughts exactly." the man turned to him. "Well bring the bucket and come along." he picked up the bomb and started walking. Sinjin grabbed the bucket and followed.

They drove out to a large estate in the country and there was a man with a clipboard and a woman in a lab coat and an older man, also in a lab coat.

"Harry, it was Anglia playing, ye should have let them die." Clipboard man said

"Gimmie the bomb structure." the woman, said. He couldn't quite place the accent, central or South America perhaps. "Gimmie, gimmie."

"Manners maketh man." the guy from the stadium chided.

"I am no man." Everyone laughed and he didn't understand why.

"Well, where is my toy surprise then?" the old man asked.

Sinjin was confused as he was pointed at.

"Well, come along then." the guy started walking. All these people kept just expecting him to follow.

Why did he keep following.

"Now then chemicals and that your strength?"

"I guess? It used to be. I like mixing things to see what happens."

"Merlin will have a report on you on my desk soon enough. Am I going to like or hate what I find in there?"

"Likely hate. One of my professors said I was a comic book villain come to life, just waiting for the right accident." He stared in awe at the lab facilities he was walking through. "What is this place?"

"Well let's just say we aren't the super villains." the man handed him a lab coat. "There's your table, go play, someone at some point will pay you and make you sign a non-disclosure agreement. Bring me something interesting in three hours and the job is yours."

Sinjin went over to the table and stared. He looked through cabinets and drawers and let his mind wander.

3 hours later he had caused a fire.

"I'll find my way back to the city." 

"What were you trying to do?"

"You had these perfume bottles, I was trying to create a liquid, wear it and you are fine, but a little heat when still damp, just a little friction and it burns."

"Use?"

"Poison aftershave." Sinjin wondered what would happen to him. "Some men rub it in hard, could incapacitate, even kill and you could be hundreds of miles away." He really did sound like a sociopath.

"We will call you Lab Rat 8. I think you will be interesting. Welcome to the Kingsman."

****************************************

"What do you want your door plaque to say, now that you are in charge of this department?" Pilar asked as he moved into the office.

He looked at her in confusion. "Lab Rat."

"But you are in charge now, you could use your actual name."

He smiled. "This is the first place where I felt at home, where my mind was welcome. Lab Rat will continue to suffice."

"Okay then Lab Rat." Pilar smiled. "Wanna explode something in the old man's memory?"

"Very much so."

 


	83. Blurred on the Page

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some hamish and owain because feeling romantic - this is set just a little in the past, in around the Christmas before the explosion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this came up differently on the blog but i realized how i better wanted to flesh it out.

Hamish smiled happily. He was sure he had found a lovely gift for Owain. The lad was the easiest person in the world to shop for and he had seen it in a window and had to purchase it.

Mr. Donovan came for Wednesday tea to his office just like he always did and smiled at the gift bag on the table.

"You know Hamish, you don't have to get me all these gifts," Owain grinned. "I'm all yours and stuff now. And Christmas is still a week away."

"And you'll enjoy your Christmas gifts when you get them." Hamish replied.

Owain leaned over the desk and kissed Hamish. "You're great you know that right?"

Hamish poured them tea as Owain opened up the bag. 

"Ooh new book," Owain said happily.

Hamish watched him trace the letters on the cover and mouth them. It was a little ritual of Owain's when he received a new book. "I went hog wild Mr. Donovan - poets from the 19th Century."

Owain laughed. "Oooh." He traced the last letters. "You got me Romantics. You sap."

"Mr. Donovan, I am always thus for you," Hamish took a sip of tea. They chatted and drank their tea until Owain moved around the desk and plunked himself into Hamish's lap. 

"Thanks for the gift, babe. It's great." Owain kissed Hamish until George knocked on the door to remind them that they needed to do their jobs.

*****************************

Hamish was on the subway home and was idly staring at the ads and saw one for the signs of dyslexia. It puzzled him because it suggested several things that Owain did. But those were just the boy's quirks and his affections for his books. 

He dismissed it.

******************************

"Hamish, check out my new Kingsman glasses," Owain said. "Way better looking than the old ones yeah?"

"These ones suit your face much more," Hamish agreed. "And the new waistcoat I made you will look lovely with them."

"Jeez, Hamish," Owain rolled his eyes.

"Oh hush, Mr. Donovan, I will spoil you as I see fit," Hamish helped him into the new waistcoat, which did lovely things for the man's waist. Hamish let his hands rest on Owain in a hug. "You are very worth spoiling."

Owain leaned back into him and sighed.

Hamish blinked confused. "Your glasses have turned green Mr. Donovan. That seems a little trendy for you."

"Oh, I blinked wrong, hold on." The lenses went clear again. "There will go, isn't Pilar amazing?"

"Why are they green though?"

"For my dyslexia," Owain said easily." He turned in Hamish's grip and wrapped his arms around the man's neck. "So any plans for tonight?"

"Mr. Donovan, you are dyslexic?" Hamish leaned his head back a little, avoiding the kiss.

"Yeah?"

"I keep buying you books to court you with."

"Which is awesome," Owain agreed. "Though Gem is worried we're gonna run out of room in the flat."

"You love books."

"They are the best."

Hamish was trying to think of everything he knew about dyslexia which really amounted to a few very special episodes of telly. "But reading is difficult for you."

"Super difficult actually. That's why the lenses. I'm one of the people where the different colour helps a fair bit actually. And I go slowly." Owain hugged him. "I'm sorry, I sort of forget that people don't know." He gave Hamish sad eyes. "Are you mad I didn't tell you?"

"No, just worried I've been erring in my manner," Hamish paused. "That's why you didn't read to me the other night while I was playing."

"Yeah, it was a new book, hard to read cold," Owain explained.

"I'll be a better boyfriend," Hamish promised.

"You are already the best," Owain swore.

But Hamish was determined to be better.

**************************************

Owain buckled into the plane. "So, Morrvyd, looking forward to Iceland?"

"We are going to Iceland for 30 hours two days before Christmas. Oh yeah, this will be a treat," she rolled her eyes. "Did you see the parkas we have to wear? We get attacked, how the hell are we supposed to move?"

"I think we just sort of roll at them, like brightly coloured snowballs," Owain suggested. 

"We are dealing with this fast, and going to a damn hot spring or something." Gemma sunk into her seat. She always slept on their flights.

Owain put his headphones on and searched his files for what book he wanted to listen to for the flight.

There was a new file called,  _Romantic Sap_. He tapped on it and some soft jazz started to play. It wasn't one of his usual audio files.

"Mr. Donovan, may I present to you, the Romantics 1810-1825, a study of form and beauty," Hamish said in his ear. It was the title of the last book the man had bought him.

Owain sank into his seat and listened as Hamish gently played the piano and read the poems of Shelley and Byron to him.

It definitely gave him different feelings from when his parents used to make audio tapes for him of his favourite books and poems.

Feelings that made him hope the bad guys were really stupid and they'd be home quicker than the 48 hours expected.

He had a mighty need for Hamish to read him poems in bed.


	84. Michael

"I'm sorry," Michael said calmly.

"You do not need to be sorry, you were doing your job, but now, now is the time to talk," the Russian man said. 

"No, I am really sorry about the ponce who is going to come through the door to rescue me. I feel he is going to use it as a chance for flirtation, you see. He's been trying to get me to go on a date for a while," he explained. "And I admit, I am thinking about saying yes."

"Date?" The man sneered. "What date, he'll die in the trap we've set."

"No," Michael answered. "He won't."

A few minutes later they could hear the sounds of a fight and the man moved behind Michael and put a gun to his head. The door was kicked opened and before he could even threaten or talk to the man, there was a bullet in his brain.

"Percival, really, you are not supposed to be capture. How does a man who was supposed to be 300 metres away from any villain get caught?"

Michael smiled a little. "Just lucky that way I guess, Lancelot."

"Lucky, hah," James came over and untied him. "Injuries?"

"Minor," Michael said. "Some bruises, maybe a cracked rib." He grabbed the gun from the dead man. "We should return before Arthur shits kittens.'

"Did you just curse?" James looked at him in shock.

"A little reward for you." They cut through the base, killing the few who remained before stealing a tank.

"It isn't a tank," James said earnestly. "Just a very very well armored Humvee."

"Thank you for the rescue Lancelot," Michael said.

"Thankful enough to let me take you to dinner?"

"No." Michael watched his shoulders slump just a little. "My agreeing to dinner with you was already in my plans. The thanks is separate."

James smiled blindingly and talked of French restaurants and champagne.

Michael listened happily, hopefully.

He never in seventeen years was able to return the favour of a rescue.

Not even to collect his lover's body.

************************************************

It was a lovely Americano they made him. Michael always found it strange that when he was captured he was seldom hurt. Apparently he had that look where they always tried to reason with him first. He wasn't complain, but he had seen the whip marks on Gawain, the burns on Lamorak, and Michael? He had a crooked pinkie.

Still the man droned on about how it would benefit him to talk about his organization and made vague yet menacing threats. It was all boring to be honest.

"Do you know, I have a problem," Michael said. 

The Italian man leaned forward, "I am the sort that is excellent at solutions."

"I seem, through no intention find myself as a damsel in distress. It isn't that common occurrence, been twenty years since James had to rescue me, but I am suffering a great deal of deja vu right now. And my problem is that a very  large idiot is going to come barreling through that door soon to rescue me, quite against procedure."

"I am sorry my friend, you will not be found for rescue," the man sounded almost sympathetic.

"Hmmm," Michael said. "May I ask what brand of espresso machine you use, this has been really quite tasty."

They chatted and Michael let the man think they were building a dialogue. And the gunfire started. "Terribly sorry, he's going to cause quite a mess."

When Harry stormed in with Galahad and Tristan, Michael could only shake his head fondly.

Harry said very pretty words full of promise and somehow they ended up making out with a dead body at their feet. Michael wondered if that should disturb him more than it did.

Harry whisked him away to safety. A perfect rescue really.

Michael slid the song lyrics over to Harry as he spoke his turn against Caradoc.

He hoped that Harry would one day understand it for the rescue it was.

***************************************************

"Really?" Michael sat in the chair and looked at the man. "Really? Of everyone you could grab, you chose me?"

"You move slowly," was the response.

"Of course I do," Michael snapped. "I'm 75 and have a pacemaker."

"You also know more about the Kingsman than anyone," he said with an accent Michael couldn't quite pinpoint, Swedish, Norwegian. "You will talk."

"Oh I'll talk," Michael muttered. "One, I don't know more than Arthur or Merlin, or actually Owain. That bastard has spent the last twenty years reading every damn file the Kingsman have, including ones he shouldn't. Said he gets bored on downtime, like he doesn't own two thousand books. You should have grabbed him. But no you grab me, a man who is retired and has a history of being kidnapped and not giving up shit. I want to put my feet up dammit and have my husband fall asleep midsentence."

The man blinked. "You will tell us about what the Kingsman are planning!" he actually smacked Michael.

"I admit that is new, going for the violence directly. But I'm sorry, I will not say anything. Plus side, I'm old and tired so shouldn't actually take too much torture to kill me. My husband will dislike that, he has made me promise that he doesn't have to live without me, but what can you do when a young dangerous man like you, comes into play," Michael sneered as much as he could. "Really, kudos to you for kidnapping an old man doddering out of a bloody prostate exam."

Another hit.

"See, this is why we retired, no class anymore. I mean do you even have a proper villain plan? Any interesting means of torture?" Michael shook his head. "There is just no imagination in villainy anymore. Took all the fun out. Say do you have my bag? I could knit while you smack me around." Michael sighed. "Hands just aren't what they used to be, only knit an hour every couple days."

The man broke two of his fingers and Michael screamed. He really had become unaccustomed to pain.

"You'll regret that," Michael managed to say.

"Why, what are you going to do old man? Ramble some more?"

"No," Michael looked at him. "No, you'll not have another word from me."

The guy punched him and broke his nose and stalked out of the room.

It took longer than Michael thought it would for the man to come back.

On the plus side when he came back it was with Alexander holding a knife to his throat. "Release the locks on Guinevere," Alexander ordered.

"Really, Lamorak, I am retired, no need for title," Michael said. Breathing was rather hard.

"You are Guinevere sir, and I have a very cranky ex-Arthur in tied up in a van to stop him from trying to lead this rescue," Alexander said. He nicked the man a little. "The security release, if you please."

The man gave the numbers and Alexander knocked him out. He freed Michael and quickly set his nose and fingers. "Ready for your rescue sir?"

Michael sighed. "Of course."

"What's wrong, Guinevere, more injuries?"

"No, Lamorak, just tired. And a little sad. I'll never be able to repay you for this rescue," Michael frowned a little. "I dislike not being able to do so."

"Sir?" Lamorak looked at him. "You already rescued me, remember. You and Arthur that raid on the warehouse. Just returning the favour."

Michael laughed a little. "My apologies agent, the memory fails at times."

"Quite alright sir," Lamorak lead him out. "And you saved me lots, you know."

"I am afraid I don't follow."

Lamorak smiled. "You were my quiet place. Dad and Dad Two, they always wanted to talk problems out, fix things, worried so much. And Grandpa is, well, Grandpa. You would always just let me sit with you. Hours of quiet and let me work it out. It was a rescue plenty of times."

Michael smiled. "You are a good boy, Sasha."

They both ignored that he was a full grown man and had been for a couple of decades. Alexander opened the door to the vehicle he had brought and grinned.

"Oh good lord that wasn't a joke," Michael said.

"Untie me at once, he's hurt." Harry struggled with the bondage. Alexander handed Michael a knife.

"Poor Harry, all tied up and not in the fun way," Michael said.

"Oh god gross," Alexander said as he got behind the wheel.

Harry looked at the blood on Michael's face. "Doctor Doctor will fix you up."

"He really hates we all call him that," Michael slowly freed Harry from the bondage and Harry pulled him in for a careful hug.

"He needs a better sense of humour." Harry kissed Michael's forehead. "I would have rescued you, you know."

"I know," Michael agreed.

"It would have been magnificent." 

"I am sure," Michael agreed.

"Good."

"Indeed," Michael rested against Harry.

It was strange to be sad about being kidnapped, to realize it wouldn't likely happen again before he died.

But he was a Kingsman, even if retired, weird shit happened to them all the time.

And honestly, just once he wished someone had a shark tank.


	85. Moving Forward Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in the fall of 2017 when the Kingsman Tailor Shop reopens after its destruction

Owain looked at Hamish. "You need an assistant."

"I'm fine," Hamish was filling shelves with Owain's help. "See, managing."

"Roping in wandering Kingsman to help get the shop ready is one thing, but we aren't tailors. Well I mean Tristan could help, I guess, but don't think quilting is the same sort of sewing." Owain moved some plaids about. "You know you can't do it alone."

Hamish thumped a few bolts down. "I certainly can."

"But babe -"

"No, Mr. Donovan," Hamish said firmly. "I can manage fine on my own."

"You can't," Owain pressed. "It is too much work."

"Tell me Mr. Donovan, where do I find a man with George's experience, his calmness, his sarcasm, who can pass all the security clearances needed to work for the Kingsman, who can keep the secret while sewing a perfectly straight line by hand with his eyes closed?" Hamish couldn't stop himself and threw a bolt of houndstooth across the room. "How exactly do I fill the hole in my shop, Mr. Donovan?"

They both knew what Hamish meant was how did he fill the hole in his heart.

Owain went over and wrapped himself around Hamish's back. "You don't find George 2.0, you find someone different."

"I miss my best friend, Jesse."

"I know you do, I know," Owain rubbed a hand over Hamish's stomach. "You've gone for drinks a couple times with Gawain right?"

"Hmmm, he is someone who grows more tolerable the more you know him," Hamish held Jesse's hand still, squeezed it. "I will talk to Merlin about finding some help."

"I just don't want you dropping dead of a stroke in the next few months," Owain kissed his shoulder.

"I would prefer that as well."

************************************

Merlin was searching, but finding a tailor who met their other requirements was difficult. He had a tentative list, but the candidates just didn't feel right. He would continue hunting.

"Merlin?" Pilar stood at his door. 

"Yes, Pilar, come in," Merlin gestured and she came and sat beside him. 

She handed him a slim file. "I've talked to Owain, and I think that this might help the project you are currently working on."

Merlin opened it up. "This is a personnel file." He was surprised, he had expected a new grenade plan shaped like a book.

"It is," Pilar sighed a little. "It is complicated."

Merlin was reading. "Explain."

"The Kingsman forgave my past," Pilar began.

"Your past was in part not of your choosing," Merlin said.

"And neither for this man," she pointed to the file. "But...there are times and ways he could have gotten out and didn't."

"How deep in was he?" Merlin asked.

"He had a shop, most of the people who came to him for clothes were in the cartels. Good may or may not have gone through the shop." Pilar shrugged. "He stayed because he was taking care of the family who weren't directly linked. But now the family is gone, mostly."

"Uncle?"

"Godfather," Pilar said. "He had been my father's friend."

"He has the skills that Hamish needs?"

"He does, not as quick as he used to be, he's 70 now but, has a great deal of skill. And he knows how to keep a secret."

"I'll look into it," Merlin offered. "I can't promise more than that."

"Thank you, Merlin," Pilar nodded and left to go blow something up.

***********************************

Hamish, Merlin, and PIlar stood in front of the small storefront. 

"Interesting display," Hamish said, looking at the window.

"Is interesting good?" Pilar asked.

"Interesting is interesting, Mrs Innis," Hamish replied.

"We have an interview to conduct," Merlin opened the door and gestured them in, the bell over the door ringing cheerfully.

"Ola, Tio Antonio," Pilar called out.

An older man, came from the back and smiled and held out his arms. Pilar ran into them.

Hamish took note of his clothes, well made, simple lines, very professional. He took a look around the shop while the two spoke in Spanish. Merlin was following easily enough, but Hamish could only pick out odd words, ones that sounded close to French. He was quietly impressed. They weren't the best quality fabrics, but the man had clearly done work to make the cut highlight the good qualities and hide the bad.

Yes, interesting.

"Tio, this is two coworkers of mine, Lachlan Craig and Hamish McNiven," Pilar introduced. "Boys, my godfather Antonio Hernandez."

"You bring armed men into my shop?" Antonio asked.

"All I have on my person are my snips," Hamish promised. He held out his small scissors from his pocket.

"I'll nae be showing ye mine, unless ye show me yours," Merlin grinned sharply.

"Tio, I am armed as well," Pilar said softly. "Will you kick me out?"

"No, dear girl, of course not," Antonio went to the door and flipped over a closed sign. "Come I'll make you tea. Your mama says you've gone British enough to prefer it these days."

"Thank you, Tio."

They all went to the back and Hamish was even more pleased. It was a mess of work, dress forms, buttons everywhere, chaos.

George had kept everything so orderly. If it had been a neat shop it would have hurt too much.

Hamish went to a wall that had sketches and he hummed as he looked. "Why are your lapels so wide?"

"Because some of the men around here have grasped onto the wrong vintage trends. They think it makes them look like they have wide shoulders, like throwback mafia. So I charge them extra for having no taste." Antonio handed a cup of tea to everyone.

"Show me something you actually like," Hamish requested.

Antonio hesitated and looked at PIlar. "What is this, my dear?"

"A way out," she said.

Antonio paused and made sure his hands didn't shake. He went into a drawer and pulled out a sketch book. "Here, these are some ideas I have had."

Hamish started to flip through. "Women's clothes."

"I am tired of what I make here," Antonio admitted. "I've been wanting to branch out." He pulled out some photos. "Pilar's mother has worn a few things. A couple other women. But they feel me too modern."

Hamish looked at the photos. "Do you have any pieces made up? Perhaps something that would fit Pilar?"

Antonio nodded and went to a rack and handed a few pieces to Pilar. Pilar put down her cup and began to strip down. "Pilar! I have a change room."

"Tio, I regularly need biohazard showers, everyone I work with has seen my knickers," she said.

Antonio looked at her shoulder. "You have another tattoo."

"Hmmm, we'll leave that for another talk," she said quickly covering up the tattoo of a pair of beat up doc martens. She did up the zipper at the back of the dress and turned. 

Hamish went over and fussed a little at her shoulders and at the hem. "Walk for me, tell me about it objectively."

Pilar moved around, did a couple bends and twists. "I want a blazer."

Antonio went over and pulled one off and handed it to her.

"Attractive," Merlin said.

"Rather comfortable for how streamlined it is. Good for budget meetings with Harry," Pilar said. "I like it." Pilar looked at Hamish, "But -"

"We have Ms. Morton-Asoka and Ms. Jones. There is yourself and Ms. Bhatia, having someone who has an eye towards women's clothes would perhaps be beneficial," Hamish said. "Mr Hernandez,"

"Antonio, please."

"Antonio, you said you are done with suits, but if they were for women would you be interested?"

"Yes, that could be interesting," Antonio agreed. "We would be working together?"

"You would be my assistant."

"I have my own shop, why would I go backwards at my age?" Antonio crossed his arms.

"Because your work would be appreciated, you would get to experiment with fabrics and designs," Hamish explained.

"Ye would be given housing, benefits, and an excellent salary, and we would take care of all your visa requirements," Merlin said. "Ye would not have to turn a blind eye to illegal going ons."

Both Hamish and Pilar looked at him.

"Their faces suggest that was not the truth," Antonio said. He pulled a shotgun out from under his table and pointed it at Merlin. "Pilar, your mama has had concerns for years that they do not treat you well, that you traded one prison for another. Come over here."

Pilar smiled. "Oh, Tio, I am fine, I swear. And our illegal activities are for a good cause."

"I have heard that before."

"Your goddaughter is one of my employees, one of my most trusted ones," Merlin said calmly. "She is the head of her department, and only answers to me. We don't sell guns or drugs, we aren't involved in racketeering or prostitution. Pilar has killed for us, but when she does so it is for the greater good. We are interviewing you, because she vouches for you and your ability to keep any secrets you might learn."

"What greater good?"

"We save the world, Tio," she said. "We stopped V-day, and that Black Orchid cult, and dozens of other things no one ever heard about."

"And what do they need tailors for?" Antonio asked, his gun not moving an inch.

"It is a front," Hamish said. "But it is also a real shop. We sell to the public, while outfitting agents. We have bulletproof fabric, as well as fireproof, all created with Mrs Innis's chemical treatment. The shop is beholden to the Kingsman, but we also do our own work. I own 51% of the shop and while you have certain security requirements, you do not answer to them, you answer to me."

"Do you play bridge?"

"I do," Hamish answered.

Antonio finally put his gun down. "We will play."

They played double dummy bridge for a couple hours while Pilar and Merlin talked about some plans for upcoming missions.

"Good," Antonio said. "I accept."

"Just like that?" Merlin said surprised.

"If you can play Bridge with a man comfortably, you can work with him well," Antonio explained. "And I am tired. I am tired of the little I have here. PIlar and her mama are the closest I have to family left, and to be closer to PIlar would be nice." Antonio brushed a hand over her cheek. "I hear your husband is an idiot."

"The best idiot ever," Pilar promised. "You'll love playing checkers with him."

"Hamish, this is your call," Merlin said quietly.

"Mr. Donovan was correct, I cannot do the job alone," Hamish said. "And I think that Antonio and I will be able to create an interesting working relationship."

Merlin nodded. "Be ready to move to England in two weeks. Pilar will stay with you to help you prepare." Merlin stood. "Come Hamish, we should head home."

Hamish held out his hand to Antonio. "My last assistant. He was a great man, and my dearest friend. He is hard to replace."

"People can never be replaced," Antonio said. "But different ways forward can always be found, yes?"

"Indeed." Hamish gave a polite nod and left with Merlin.

When they were back in London, Owain was waiting at Hamish's house. "Well?"

Hamish kissed Owain gently. "I won't be dropping dead of heart attack from over work."

Owain let out a breath of relief. "Bors is scared shitless. He's pretty sure he killed this guy's cousin or something when he had his Mexico job."

"Bors is terrified of having something akin to in-laws around, he'll catch more hell for forgetting PIlar places." 

"Yeah," Owain agreed. "You going to be okay?"

"I do believe that in time, yes, I will." Hamish went over to his piano and began to play. 

It was George's favourite song and for the first time in months playing it didn't make him cry.


	86. His Disney Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go back in time, before the Kingsman  
> And then way in the future

Eggsy was in the waiting room. They wouldn't let him in. His mum wouldn't let him in. But he was sure she shouldn't be alone right now. And Dean were at the pub with his mates, celebrating the impending birth of his kid. He had said he passed out at the sight of blood so he couldn't be there, which was funny with how many times he had bloody someone being short on their cut.

All they had to read were well out of date magazines and baby pamphlets. He had already read a bunch of stuff anyways, he were the one to put together the used crib, had made blankets and maybe nicked a few toys from a posh store in Kensington. 

"Eggsy?" A nurse came into the room.

"You have a sister," she smiled. "Wailed up a storm, we are just cleaning her and your mum up and someone will collect you when they are ready for you."

"She's okay, the baby?" Eggsy asked. He had always been worried that things in the first few months that Dean had done would have caused damage.

"She seems right as rain, luv," the nurse promised.

Eggsy nodded and settled back into the chair. An hour later he was shown to his mum's room. She looked exhausted but happy. "Hi," he whispered, scared to disturb the baby. He didn't know many, the last he remembered was Gemma, but he had been a kid too and just remembered he and Jamal had used her as a human shield in some games they played.

"Eggsy, come meet your sister," Michelle said. She held out a hand and Eggsy came around the bed.

"She's a fucking elf," Eggsy said, staring at the baby. "A goddamn changeling or something."

Michelle laughed and it hurt so much. "Ow."

"Ow?"

"Abs rather got a workout, darling, laughing hurts," Michelle explained. "Hold her."

"Nu-uh," Eggsy said. He kept squeezing the small stuffed kitten he had bought.

"Sit your arse down, and hold your sister," Michelle said. "Close to your heart."

Eggsy sat carefully and Michelle handed him the bundle. "What do I say to her?"

"You don't have to say anything," she offered.

"Can't not introduce myself, that'd be rude, wouldn't it?" Eggsy muttered and Michelle's heart melted. "Hullo, baby. I'm Eggsy, your big brother. Really big compared to you, because your a fucking elf, ain't you?" He traced a finger over a tiny ear. "No point, your magic hiding them, that's good. I'll keep your secret safe," he promised.

She began to cry. "I didn't do nothin," Eggsy stammered.

"She's probably hungry," Michelle said. "Give her here." Michelle moved her hospital gown and Eggsy looked out the window.

"You want me to call Dean?" Eggsy asked reluctantly.

"No," Michelle touched her daughter's face. "He'll be settled into the pub. The morning will be soon enough. Tonight is just for us. When she is older, we can tell her that the night she was born she was surrounded by love." Michelle looked down at the baby and smiled.

Eggsy ignored the implication in his mum's words about Dean and his lack of love.

He heard a small noise and realized it was a burp. Michelle gestured and he came back over. "Sing her to sleep darling? You have such a lovely voice." Michelle yawned. "It will help me sleep too."

"Sure, Mum," Eggsy agreed. Only he stumbled, most of the songs he sang were not fit for his one day old sister's ears. He looked out and could actually see some stars in the sky. He started to hum a little, get himself into the zone, "I can show you the world," he began the duet from Aladdin. The baby and his mum both fell asleep and he didn't let go of the wee one for the two hours she slept. Dean showed up at 11am just after the baby had a feeding. Eggsy was surprised he was sober and in decent clothes. Even had a bunch of flowers.

"Right, let's see the bit then," Dean said shoving the flowers at Michelle. Michelle started to hand him the baby and he shook his head. "Don't need to hold it, just show me the thing." Michelle angled her daughter to Dean. "Huh, not as ugly as I expected. Rottie warned me newborns looked like shite."

"She's perfect," Eggsy said.

"Whatever, how long you going to be in here?"

"Until tomorrow," Michelle said.

"Right, I'll come back then with the baby thing then." Dean turned and left.

"Well, guess we get to name her," Michelle said. "And he didn't hate her."

Eggsy held out his arms for his sister. "Couldn't hate this perfect elf." He started to sing her another Disney song. He looked at the wilted flowers Dean brought, he did one thing right at least. "Daisy, she looks like a Daisy don't she?"

"She does," Michelle agreed. "Your flower, pretty in the sun."

"Yeah," Eggsy nodded and went back to singing.

******************************************

"Percival, take a right down that corridor," Morrigan said into her comms. The Durga was typing furiously, trying to scramble the systems. Eggsy was pacing behind them.

"Roger," he was breathless from fighting through the building where the guards had been triple what they expect.

"Duck into the janitor's closet, while we find you a way out," Morigan's voice was calm, certain. "You will be extracted."

"Never doubt the two of you," he said, his usual cheer returning to his voice.

"Morrigan you need to -" Eggsy looked at his watch as her fingers gripped the table tight. But her breathing never changed.

"Galahad, this doesn't concern you," Morrigan said sharply. 

"It sure as hell does, you are -" 

"Percival, going dark for one minute," Morrigan said and flipped the comms. "Shut the fuck up, Galahad. I will be extracting my agent and then dealing with the other issue."

"The other issue being your contractions are now 6 minutes apart?" Eggsy yelled. "For a baby almost a month early."

"Medical is 100 metres away and has been alerted. I will be getting my agent home," Morrigan's face was terrifying, hard lines of pain and stress. The Durga never stopped her work.

Morrigan flipped the comms back on.

"But -" Eggsy said.

Morrigan didn't even look as she pointed a gun with the safety off at Eggsy. He decided to shut up.

The Durga pointed at her screen.

"Percival, we have a line out. But you have to move fast and hard. Will your injuries impact this?" Morrigan didn't let a drop of worry enter her voice.

"No ma'am. I'm ready, I'm coming home." 

Morrigan outlined the plan and told him to move on her count. When she shouted, the agent ran following her instructions perfectly. In 20 minutes he was out of the building and cutting through the city. Eggsy moved forward and rubbed the small of Morrigan's back every time a contraction hit her as they started to be a bit closer together. They were professional and didn't cheer when the man made it to the car and drove away.

"I'll be at the airstrip in 20," he said, relief in his voice.

"The plane will be ready," Morrigan said.

"Good you are safe. Now get your arse home, your wife has been in fucking labour this whole time and I'm taking her to medical. Durga will stay with you." Eggsy didn't give a fuck and picked the Morrigan up.

"That is my agent!" Morrigan yelled and tried to fight.

"And you got him out, and right now you need to be focused on getting this baby out." Eggsy carried her to medical.

"Just for that, I'm not calling Sarah to be my labour back up. You are staying for every single gross second of this," Morrigan waited until he put her on the cot in medical and decked him hard enough it knocked him into the chair. "You do not ever affect the way I do my job, Galahad."

"Understood, Morrigan," he said rubbing his jaw.

"Good," she clutched her stomach as another contraction rolled over. "Fuck, Eggsy, I want my husband."

"I know Daisy, I know." He got up and hugged her. "He might make it in time, not that far really and births can take a while."

"She's in a hurry, like her goddamn uncle always is," Daisy griped. "He won't make it."

"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere no matter how gross."

Dr. Pierce Jr came in and checked Daisy over and was as calm as could be.

8 hours later, Daisy was holding her daughter. "Hello, little one," she said softly.

"Fucking hell, an elf just like her mum," Eggsy muttered. He made grabby hands and Daisy handed her over. "Right, I saw things I never should have, so screw your parents, I get to name you."

"Wot the hell, Eggs?" Daisy. "My kid, I'm naming it."

"Yeah, I saw the list you two had, crap names the lot of them."

"Merlin liked them," she muttered.

"Because you had Merida on the damn list," Eggsy countered. He looked at the baby. "They would get you wrong, I'm here to make sure they get it right."

"What is so damn right then? And give me my baby so I can feed her."

Eggsy handed the baby over. "Sophie, her name is Sophie."

Daisy looked at her daughter. "I really hate that you are right."

"No you don't," Eggsy smiled. He leaned over and kissed her head. "I'll go tell Merlin, you know he's pacing out there."

"Sure," Daisy wasn't paying attention anymore, busy trying to get used to the feeling of breastfeeding.

Eggsy went out where Merlin was sitting with a tablet in hand. He was about to tell him everything when Percival came running down the hall so fast he hit a wall. 

"Did I miss it?"

"Yup."

"She's going to kill me," Percival was gasping for breath.

"She's too busy being in love with that perfect elf you guys made. Go see your wife and daughter," Eggsy nudged to get Percival back in motion. He sat beside Merlin. "Thank christ our kid came during the teen goth years, couldn't handle all that tiny."

"How tiny?"

"Not so tiny the doc is worried," Eggsy promised. "Sophie is all good and perfect."

"That wasn't on the list," Merlin hugged Eggsy.

"Yeah well, list were wrong," Eggsy snarked. He leaned into his husband. "We are going to spoiler her so much."

"Aye," Merlin agreed. "We should leave the family be." 

Only Percival opened the door, "Well get in here will you? Someone needs to sing to this kid and the rest of us sound like shit."

The two went in and Eggsy took the baby back. "I sung this to your mum when she was just about the same age." He broke into "I can show you the world," while the other three just watched happily.


	87. Bomb Boy's Bomb Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because we all love pet POV

He was a failure. He knew it. They kept staring at him after a test and shaking their heads. He hated the shaking heads. He would do better. He would get faster, smell better. He wouldn't get distracted by leaves.

But when they fly it looked so neat.

Bomb boy always looked sad though, when he didn't get better at the tests.

Bomb boy's face shouldn't look sad. He was supposed to smile.

He just wanted to go home with Bomb boy and Bomb boy's other people. They would snuggle and tell him he was good. The other dogs snuggled him when they visited the kennel, but then they always went home.

The man who ran the kennel was nice, good pets and rubs but no snuggles.

The other dogs all talked about being in beds.

Well not the pack, they only got beds on shiny lights day, or birthdays, but they had dog piles and each other, and their scary human and their not scary human.

If he was good and passed all the tests, maybe Bomb boy would snuggle him more.

He would pass today.

He didn't pass today.

He whimpered as Bomb boy made the sad face. They talked about plateauing, and other big words and frowny faces.

He only got one pat as he was put in the kennel.

JB was visiting and bouncing around talking about his Dad and not Dad and how they played catch.

He wanted to play catch.

But he was a work dog and teaching him catch was bad because Bomb boy threw things that went kaboom and you couldn't chase things that went kaboom.

JB snuggled him until his dad came and took him away.

Maybe he was a bad dog. Maybe that is why he didn't get snuggles. He cried himself to sleep. He just wanted Bomb boy to love him like all the other dogs were loved.

In the morning he woke to the smell of flowers and oil. Bomb boy's lady. He looked at her and she was sitting on the ground in front of him. "Hello, Niels," she said. She held out a treat and he ignored it.

He wasn't a good dog, she shouldn't sneak him treats.

"I'm sorry," she said to him. "I was wrong."

He barked. Bomb boy said she was never wrong. That she was the head of their pack, the smart one.

"He is just as sad as you, you know," she said.

Because he was a bad dog. He made Bomb boy sad, they should get Bomb boy another dog, one who could pass the tests.

"He's sad, because he just wants to cuddle you, and we've said no. He hates the stress we've put you under for our own goals," she continued.

Bomb boy wanted to cuddle him?

He barked a little and inched closer to her.

"A man should never be kept from his dog," she said. "No more tests, okay? No more training. Not because you did bad, you tried so hard, Niels. Calvin is so proud of how hard you tried. But it isn't fair to ask such a good puppy to do what we all do. Time to leave the kennel sweetie. He's in the garage with Twitch, want to go see your master?"

He couldn't stop himself and launched himself at the girl. He wasn't supposed to, he was supposed to heel, but he didn't care, he licked her face. 

She giggled and hugged him. "I'm so sorry we kept you from your family, but we're going to fix it okay?" She rubbed behind his ears and it was perfect. "Let's take you to Bomb boy."

He ran down the halls, he knew where the garage was. He ran past people and around corners and was too quick for the sensors to read him and he crashed into the door before it could open. Bomb boy came running.

"Niels, how did you get out?" Bomb boy asked. He was touching him, checking if he was hurt.

He barked and wagged his tail. His Bomb boy.

She came up behind them. "Time to stop the plans," she explained. "Time to take your dog home sweetie."

Bomb boy's hand tightened in his fur. He liked it, felt real.

"For how long?" Bomb boy asked. That was a good question, maybe this was another test.

"For forever," she promised. "But the bed is pretty full with the three of us, he can sleep in the room, but on the ground okay?"

He barked, that was okay. That was more than okay.

Bomb boy was babbling and hugging him and hugging his lady and Twitch was over and hugging them too and oh this was his pack. He hopped around them forgetting all his training and they took him home. He had only been there a few times. It smelled so good. And there were no cages.

He never left Bomb boy's side, just in case they might take him away.

But they didn't.

He fell asleep on the floor of the bedroom, as close to Bomb boy as they would let him be.

He woke up warm, warmer than he ever had before.

He sniffed and opened his eyes.

Bomb boy was on the floor beside him with a pillow and blanket, snuggling him.

He nuzzled his nose against Bomb boy's neck.

"Cold," Bomb boy said. "Niels, your nose is cold stop." He went back to snoring.

Niels fell back asleep.

Snuggled.

Home.

Dreaming of playing fetch with his people.


	88. the end - even if we aren't there yet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I still have two more years of writing for this universe - but this is how it all ends.  
> clearly set way in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look i'm sorry okay?

_Naughty Needles and Hooks_ closed for 2 months, windows blacked out, a small sign saying soon under new management and a reopening day.

Two days before the store opened the windows were uncovered and the neighbourhood was full of talk about how elegant it looked - still the cozy of what had once been Mrs. Carsons shop but a lot more polished. The windows had dummies in posh suits, sporting beautiful knits and crochet items. The interior was a new colour and all new shelves the old charity shop furniture replaced with new couches and chairs.

The older people on the block recognized the gent who wandered in the shop, it was the man who had been in most Sundays. Eggsy someone remembered, finally.

At the grand reopening people came in for the 15% off your purchase. The new owner was wearing a bespoke suit and glasses. His hair was grey and he had laugh lines around his mouth and eyes. 

The big chatter was about the photos that decorated the shop, gorgeous men and women in knits, some of the photos almost risque but always classy.

She was new to the neighbourhood and was thrilled that there was a good looking yarn shop. She filled a basket to the front and brought it to the counter. "Holy crap," she blurted out staring at the photo behind the counter. "I mean..." she looked at the man smirking as he rang up her purchase. "I'm going to stick with holy crap." It was a black and white photo of a man's back, there were some tattoos, and a prosthetic leg and, "those are ruffled booty shorts he's wearing."

"That they are," the man at the counter agreed. "The booty shorts of shame as they were. Here," he dug out a pattern from under the counter and gave it to her. "He hated them, but damn they look good don't they?"

She nodded. "Uh thanks?"

"We open 6 days a week. Stitch and bitch Thursday nights and Sunday mornings," he said.

She was busy settling into the new apartment and didn't make it back for a month but when she did, the man recognized. "Hey, it's the lady who drooled over my husband's arse," he said cheerfully. "You make a set of booty shorts yet?"

She laughed a little. "Not yet, have no one to shame them with."

"I know lots of eligible sorts what do you like?" He was adding stock to his shelves.

"Girls or guys, angry ones, who kick ass and take names," she teased to get his response.

"I know a few," he grinned, like he knew some grand joke.

"So your husband run this place with you then?" she asked.

"No," he smiled still, but it was a far different smile. Her heart hurt looking at it. "But he'd be pleased this is how I am spending my retirement."

"Running a shop is retirement?" 

"Considering what I used to do, sure," he said easily.

"What was that then?"

"Super duper secret spy Eggsy Craig at your service," he held out a hand.

"Cora, secretary," she answered, laughing. He was a sweet old man.

"Cora, want some tea, was going to make a cuppa and work on some hats for the grandkids."

"Yeah, that sounds brilliant. You can tell me about being a spy," she joked.

"Well, the first thing you have to know about saving the world is this - you should always look good doing it."

Cora died laughing, he was mad, but he sold great yarn, and damn if the story wasn't hilarious.

She started coming to the Sunday morning stitch and bitch. There were two women about Eggsy's age with him. They had clearly known each other for decades. They explained they had met at this shop two owners ago, and been best friends for forever.

"You two spies then also?" Cora joked.

Sarah laughed, "No I am a paralegal. Semi-retired though." 

"I am support staff, not a spy, and the only way I'm leaving the job is in a pine box, just like Eggsy's husband," Liz said. She then winced as Eggsy went pale. "Sorry, luv."

Eggsy was somber, but tried to smile. "He was retired technically."

Liz snorted. "Yeah coming in 4 days a week instead of six big retirement."

"He mostly was just tinkering or napping towards the end." Eggsy got up. "Excuse me."

Cora watched him go. 

"Shit," Liz said.

"He'll be okay," Sarah soothed. "But I'll call Daisy and Sophie, they always cheer him up."

Cora kept her head down and knit away and watched a woman in her 40s and what was clearly her late teen daughter come in. They went right to the back and eventually Eggsy came back out, eyes red but laughing. 

"Sorry Cora, only been 6 months, and gets you sometimes. Bastard wasn't supposed to die."

"Grandpops was 88 and died foiling a bank robbery, pretty much his dream way to go out," Sophie said.

Eggsy laughed. "He was determined to go out flasher than Harry did."

Cora remembered reading about that in the news. A man, 88, who stopped a robbery and took a bullet meant for the clerk. He died in surgery. "Did you have a chance to?"

"To say goodbye?" Eggsy finished. "Yeah, barely, but yeah." He looked around the shop. "We had worked together."

"As spies."

"He was our quartermaster," Eggsy said. "Stayed on the job to guide me, even as he let go all his other responsibilities. And I just couldn't stay there, not without him. And always loved yarn. Figured this was a good way to fill my days."

All the women who were with Eggsy were crying just a little. Cora was impressed how they were all just rolling with the crazy story, she wondered if it was the man's way of grieving.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Cora said finally.

"Thanks," Eggsy smiled. "So, wanna learn how to knit a cuterus?"

Daisy and Sophie both groaned. "Not the cuterus," Sophie begged.

"Tough cookies," Eggsy said. "Good enough to give you both sex ed, weren't it?"

Sophie grabbed some needles and yarn off the wall. "Fine, I'm making a dick and balls though."

They all sat and exchanged dirty stories and Eggsy didn't look so sad by the end.

Cora gave him an extra tight hug before leaving.

The next time Eggsy had a bunch of photos to show her of he and his husband and their dogs and their son. She would wonder if he was lonely but he constantly had people dropping in and hanging out. 

"Why you so attached to me?" Cora asked one day.

"No reason," Eggsy smiled a little. "No reason at all."

And then one day, there was a guy in his 40s sitting on the counter and talking with Eggsy. And damn he was all sorts of hot.

Cora smiled at him. "Alexander right?" he was more attractive than even the photos. She frowned when he didn't take the hand she offered.

"Dammit, Dad 2. Dad made you promise," he grumbled.

"Shut it," Eggsy answered. "Death bed loophole."

"Dad 2 -"

"Nope, not my fault she's perfect," Eggsy crossed his arms. "Fuck you, I'll match make my son if I want."

"Are you a spy too?" Cora joked.

"Yes," Alexander said shortly. She was impressed that she didn't scream when he pulled a gun on Eggsy. The two started a hand to hand fight, that was sharp and brutal and didn't mess up a single display in the shop. Eggsy got the gun out of his hand and dumped the clip.

"You lose, Sasha," Eggsy said. "Pay up."

"Fine, you asshole." Alexander straightened up and collected the gun and clip and put them away. "Cora, I'm Alexander, want to go to coffee? Dad 2 thinks we'd be perfect together."

Cora didn't think and just kicked him in the balls. "Don't be mean to Eggsy!" she shouted.

Alexander was curled in a ball on the ground. "Fine, you were right. Cora, want to get married and have babies?"

"I -" Cora shook her head. She really wished this was the craziest thing she had had happen in the shop. "I just want to buy some purple merino today."

"Of course, dear," Eggsy went and grabbed her some, stepping over his son to do so. He gave her, her usual discount. "Consider dating the idiot though, would you?"

"I'll think about it?" Cora looked down at him. "Yeah, I'm going to go now though." She ran out of the shop.

Just before the first anniversary of Merlin's death, Alexander finally had taken Cora out on a date.

Eggsy sat in their home, and poured himself a small glass of whiskey.

"You'd have loved her babe," Eggsy said out loud. "He was like you, took forever to find love, and was sunk like mad the second it happened." Eggsy wiped away a tear and looked at his wedding picture on the mantel. "Can't wait to see you again."

He picked up his needles and made a sweater for the husband that no longer sat beside him. It was difficult to stop knitting for Merlin, the habit had had decades to settle in. He kept talking, telling Merlin all about the shop and Cora, and how it had become basically a secondary Kingsman office. When he was quiet he felt a warmth in his heart, that felt like his Merlin.

Eggsy put down his needles and turned out the lights and went to bed where JB the 4th was waiting.

"Night, Lachlan," he said to the shadows.

Sometimes he swore he felt the whisper of a kiss against his cheek. 

Eggsy almost felt at peace as he fell asleep.


	89. Michelle Gets a Second Job Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the Kingsman to relieve tension after there battle written in ripped at the seams (which will be finished promise) decide to take part in a prank war. They need help with items. Enter Michelle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Team Harry: Harry, Michael, Gemma, Jesse, Calvin, Pilar, Secret Weapon  
> Team Merlin: Merlin, Eggsy, Rhys, Twitch, Mikey, Dr. Pierce, Secret Weapon

Michelle was enjoying her Tuesday off, when her bell rang. She smiled and went to get it. She had rather hoped Tristan would stop by for tea and this was his usual time. "Hiya luv, kettle's already on," she said. But it wasn't Tristan or Eggsy. "Hello, Michael, can I help you?" She straightened her shoulders, the man was nice but always made her want to have perfect posture.

"Ms. Unwin, I do apologize for bothering you on your day off, but I would like to purchase some items from you, if I may?" He smiled genially. "I know you usually do private parties, but single sales are possible, correct?"

"Of course," she said happily, thankful it wasn't trouble. "And I do have the kettle on."

"Some tea would be lovely."

They sat and chatted about nothing in particular and then Michelle went to get her catalogues. "Now what can I help you with?"

"Do you sell lube by the litre? Harry and I are going through a lot," Michael said.

Michelle sat back. "That's a lie. You want to lie to me in my own home?"

"I need it for every door handle in your son's home," he answered.

"Now see there you go, I can get you a case," Michelle grinned. "That'll teach him to be late to brunch."

"I should visit you more," Michael said. "I feel perhaps we have more in common than expected."

"Perhaps," she agreed.

***************************************************

"Mum, I need you to ask no follow up questions, but can you get me an old school playboy bunny costume by Friday?" Eggsy asked her on Wednesday.

"It will cost you," she answered getting Daisy's laundry out of the wash.

"Whatever, I just need it Mum." Michelle could hear a crash and some bullets in the background.

"You best be on the range and not making this call from a job," she said sternly.

"Of course -"

"Lie!"

"Got to go, make sure it has the tail!"

Oh she was charging him 20% more for that.

****************************************************

"Ms. Unwin, um hi?" Gemma sat in the tea room, with that twin of hers, Jesse. 

"Hello, dears, taking a break?"

"The carrot cake looks brilliant," Jesse said looking at the display. "How thin do they cut it?"

"Don't worry, I'll make sure you get a good slice," Michelle promised. "Now big pot for the table, or two individual ones? And we actually have in someone who reads tea leaves, today, 5 pounds, she'll tell your future."

"Oh that could be fun, Gem," Jesse said.

"Focus," Gemma bit her lip. Ms. Unwin had been the one to help her when she got her first period. "I need 10 giant purple dildos, the crazier the better," she whispered. 

"Good lord, what are all of you doing?"

"We'd tell you, but then we might have to kill you," Jesse said seriously.

Michelle paused. "That wasn't a lie. Darling, are you alright? In the head?" It was quiet enough and she sat down and gave him a hug. "I feel like maybe you should watch some more happy Disney movies?"

"Hamish plays me mellow music, if that helps?" Jesse asked.

"Don't worry, he's fine. I mean sure we all know one day he's going to lose it and kill us all in our sleep, but Merlin's current projections have that at least 15 years down the road," Gemma explained. "Do you have that chocolate tart in?"

Michelle gave them a smile. "We do. The shop also has access now to fantasy dildos, do you want those purple ones to look like tongues or dragon cock?"

"Yes please, ma'am," Gemma said.

Jesse frowned. "Merlin really does simulations on me going dark side?"

"Darling, he has simulations for everything," Michelle said and went to get him a giant slice of cake.

*******************************************************

"Hello, darling," Rhys said walking into the sex shop. Michelle had sent word through Eggsy that she would be at the shop and everyone could just bother her there. "Shall we talk about rope?"

"What are all of you up to? And if you say you'll have to kill me if you told me, I'll beat you with a metal plug," Michelle warned. "And I know your personal collection is top notch."

"How do you know that?" Rhys was curious.

"Have you seen you?" 

"Fair point. Prank war, I need to string all of Calvin's grenades from the ceiling in patterns," he explained. 

"Jesus I wish you had lied to me," Michelle said but got him some ropes.

********************************************************

Michelle was happy that it had been a few days since any of the Kingsman had bothered her. Her nest egg for Disney World had grown quite a bit thanks to their whatever it was, but still, they were all rather mental. Sean was on the couch with her in his ninja pajama set and she was in a tank vest and sleep shorts. They had a glass of wine, and some music was playing. Daisy was with Merlin and Eggsy and Michelle was feeling a little frisky. She kept rubbing her toes against his leg.

Sean smiled at her. "Hiya," he said.

"Hiya," she answered.

He blushed a little. "Maybe you could get out the catalogue?"

Michelle exploded up off the couch. "Oh not you too!" She began to pace. "Children the lot of them, with whatever they are doing. They save the world and are stone cold killers and leaving dildo planters in each other's gardens. And you are taking part in it? Really, this isn't your style at all. I swear, I am tempted to take myself to the estate and end this myself. Because trust me anything I would do - none of you lot would come back from." Michelle huffed and sat back down.

"I just wanted you to pick yourself out something and I would pay for it. I know I don't have as high a sex drive as you, but I like making you happy and wanted something I could use on you," Sean turned bright red. He was still getting used to talking about this sort of stuff. "A pretty treat for your lock box in the wardrobe."

"Oh," Michelle slid across the couch. "Sorry?"

"They been bothering you a lot?"

"The family vacation fund is getting along quite nicely."

"I'll get them to leave you alone," Sean promised. He kissed her nose. "I am in the mood tonight though, just so we're clear."

"You are the sweetest, sexiest man ever," Michelle said, just to watch him flush more. The man had no clue how ridiculously handsome and adorable he was. 

"We can even do it with the lights on," he said like it was the most scandalous thing ever. "You have pretty skin."

"Come along darling," Michelle pulled him upstairs.

*******************************************

Michelle was sitting with Merlin in the garden while Eggsy and Daisy kicked a ball around.

"Do I comment on it?" Michelle asked, not looking at the man.

Merlin laughed. "They swear the henna will fade...eventually." He touched his head that had a rather impressive pattern painted on. "At least Daisy thought it amazing."

"There is that," she agreed. "All done then?"

"Oh no, we've just released our nuclear option, then it should be all over," Merlin let loose his most evil laugh.

Michelle paused. "Your nuclear option, isn't actually nuclear is it?"

"No," Merlin assured her. Then he paused. "I don't think so. Likely not. I need to make a phone call." He hurried inside.

Children, the lot of them, Michelle thought and went to kick the ball with her kids.


	90. Poor Sweet Cinnamon Roll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is entirely because of this photo of rupert graves: http://gravesdiggers.tumblr.com/post/159536094928/first-picture-of-rupert-in-twelve-monkeys-x
> 
> a bit in the future daisy is about 7

Michelle was about to coo at them, but they were both wearing their fierce competitive faces and she didn't dare. "Let me take a photo," she insisted.

They rolled their eyes but stood still, Sean holding a bag with half a dozen balls, and Daisy her tiny footie cleats. They were in matching sweatshirts and trackies. It was just first practice so they didn't need to wear their proper uniforms. 

Michelle took a quick twenty photos. "Now you remember to mind him and call him Coach McKnight."

Daisy looked at him, "But he's Sean," she said confused.

And to be fair Sean looked a little confused too. "Yeah, I'm Sean," he agreed.

"It's a sign of respect. All the other little girls will be calling him Coach McKnight on the pitch so you do too," Michelle told them.

"Yes, Mum."

"Yes, Michelle."

"Go wait outside, sweetie," Michelle said.

"You can kiss him in front of me you know, I don't mind like how Eggsy does," Daisy offered.

Sean turned red and Michelle shooed her out.

Michelle did indeed kiss Sean. "Thank you for agreeing to coach her footie team. She has been so excited about joining up."

Sean shrugged a bit. "No big deal, Harry knows I can only do short runs for the next three months."

Michelle stared at him. "You told him that coaching Daisy's footie would affect your job?"

"He understood," Sean said. "And what a Da is supposed to do. Or you know, a Sean."

Michelle hugged him tight. "I love you."

"Just remember that when I come home filthy."

Michelle sent him out to Daisy.

Michelle missed the first few lessons, busy with repainting the bedrooms and spring cleaning, but loved to hear the stories and adored how happy they looked. And when the first game arrived, Michelle was wearing a matching jersey. Eggsy and Merlin were there too, along with Harry and Michael. Everyone was wearing the colours of Daisy's team. Daisy was sitting on the bench with the team while Sean spoke to them. They could all see she was the child taking the instructions most seriously.

"Hey, Mum?" 

"Yeah sweetie?" Michelle was taking more photos and ignoring how Harry was muttering how Daisy needed a better quality uniform.

"Why aren't you with the other Mums?" Eggsy pointed where there were some mothers setting up a bake sale table, and others just sort of hovering near the team bench.

"Oh, well I've missed the practices, getting the house all done up, working a bit extra," Michelle said. "Haven't really had a chance to bond." Michelle looked at her nails a little.

"Are the women in the neighbourhood still giving you a bit of a rough time?"

"No, not really," Michelle said. "I am sure if I was interested I could be on the PTA."

"But you aren't," Eggsy said.

"Not really," Michelle shrugged. "I have you and Tristan, and Sean's friends are a hoot, and coworkers. Don't really feel the need to socialize with this set."

"Michelle, you might want to a little bit," Harry suggested as he leaned over.

The girls all took to the pitch and Sean was standing on the side lines and stripped off his sweatsuit to show the footie uniform underneath. All the other mums moved a little closer.

"Why, Harry?" Michelle asked.

He pointed at the women. "Because there are at least three push up bras out there."

The whole group watched the other women and realized there was an awful lot of makeup and well done hair for a junior footie match in the neighbourhood park. "It is a classy area," Michelle said, tugging at her messy ponytail and chewing her cherry lip smackers off.

She watched the women watching Sean as he ran the length of the pitch shouting encouragement to the girls and reminding them to focus on the ball and not do each other's hair. Michelle could just tell he was having an amazing time. He gave a reasonable coach style cheer when Daisy scored but their row completely lost their minds. Even Michael was jumping and cheering with them.

"I'm making us all team scarves," Eggsy said.

Michelle sat back down and watched one of the women, a particularly bouncy castle one, bring Sean a water bottle and a cookie. Michelle could see the woman working it hard from several metres away and debated going down there and showing her just how 'lower class' Michelle could be. The only reason she didn't was she wouldn't ruin Daisy's day and Sean clearly wasn't noticing the boobs that were being thrust in his face.

Merlin gave her a hug. "He is completely oblivious, you know."

"I can see that," Michelle said, trying to make the woman combust with her mind.

"It was the same in his first marriage, when he was a field agent, he would be at a party and utterly not realize a person was flirting with him and that he could use that to his advantage. Because he loved Nora, so why would he even think of flirting as an option?"

"He has no idea just how bloody gorgeous he is," Michelle muttered.

"I know right?" All the men sort of sighed a little like school girls in agreement.

"He is quite attractive," Michael offered.

The whole group nodded and Michelle smiled a little bit as Sean just sort of walked away from the boob shelf to help a girl with her cleats. 

"Right boys, think I should make my greetings to the other women," Michelle said.

Eggsy snorted a little. "Go get them, Mum."

Michelle went down the stands. "Hello, Barbara," she said cheerfully. "Donna, Meg. And I'm sorry, I don't think we've met?"

"Tammy," the boobs said. "Neveah's mum." They shook hands and Michelle was careful around the woman's nails, they looked rather pointy. "You haven't been at practices have you?"

"No, been using the time to do reorganizing and painting the house. Daisy wanted a little more grown up bedroom. They grow up so quick, don't they?"

A bunch of mother's agreed. "Oh good lord he's bending over," a woman said and they all watched Sean. One swore when he automatically fielded a ball that came flying at his crotch from a wayward kick.

"It's nice of him to pick up Daisy for you," Tammy said. "But don't you think you are imposing a little on Coach McKnight?"

"Oh, he doesn't mind the imposition," Michelle said. "In fact, I doubt he'd even consider it such."

"He does seem like a kind man," Tammy agreed. "No wedding band."

"He's a widower," Michelle commented. "His wife died of ovarian cancer."

All the women made sad noises.

"How long ago?"

"About 8 years ago," Michelle offered.

"How do you know all this?" A different woman asked. 

"Been chatting him up when he picks up your girl? Clever," Tammy said. She adjusted her shirt a bit more.

Michelle smiled at her and put her fingers to her mouth and gave a sharp whistle.

Sean hurried over trying to keep an eye on the girls. "Yes, darling?" he asked.

"Celebratory dinner after this? Your favourite Chinese place?"

"Shouldn't it be Daisy's pick? She's the one that scored. Oi, Kelly, pick flowers after the match!" he shouted at the pitch. He shook his head but was grinning. "I love doing this." He gave Michelle a quick kiss. "Sorry luv, back to work." He ran back to the sides.

Michelle smiled at Tammy. "Sorry, dear, he's more a leg man, anyways. But feel free to wiggle the fake tits at him, he won't notice and I suppose they need airing out sometimes." Michelle went back to the stands and exchanged a high five with Harry.

Daisy's team won, and Sean was running around with Daisy on his shoulders. "Oh his back will be paying for that later," she muttered. 

"I'm buying a victory dinner," Harry announced.

"Not if I do first," Merlin muttered. 

Michelle let them all fight it out and went to congratulated her team. Daisy bent down and hugged her mum. Sean gave her a giant smacking kiss. "Proud of you two," Michelle said. She could feel eyes on her back. 

"This is brilliant, Mum!" Daisy cheered. "Did you see me score?"

"We all did. Merlin and Harry are fighting about who gets to buy you a victory dinner."

"My girl, I'll be buying it," Sean countered. Michelle wasn't smug when Tammy overheard that. And even less smug when Sean threw an arm over her shoulder and they walked to meet the rest.

******************************************

That night in snuggled in bed, Sean all of a sudden frowned. "Why did that one woman have her tits hiked up so high? Does she have a bad back or something, is wearing girdle for an injury?"

"Oh good lord," Michelle stared at him in awe. "Really?"

"Well why else would she be trussed up like that at a kid's footie match?"

"You can't be serious."

Sean looked at her confused. "The other mums are all really nice, keep making sure I'm hydrated and all. Think they might be worried about the old guy passing out on the pitch."

Michelle ducked her head into him. "I adore you, you idiot."

"I don't understand."

"I know you don't," Michelle kissed him.

And next practice she damn well made sure her fingers ruined his hair and that the barest hint of a hickey was visible on his neck.

 

 


	91. Through the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a person requested Percival being parental towards Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set 7 or so years in the future (after the arrival of Alexander)

"This is my fault," Eggsy said as they walked in the woods.

"How?" Guinevere asked.

"I did mention that at least the snow hadn't started yet," Eggsy answered. "That was a certain jinx. Plus I am the one who dropped the back up bag."

"I am pretty that happened because a man was trying to light us on fire with a flame thrower," Guinevere said. He stared at the snow falling all around them. "Right now a flame thrower would be rather handy."

Eggsy nodded and they kept trudging through, following the co-ordinates Merlin had fed them to what he had thought was a cabin. They couldn't confirm though because their comms went on the fritz. The snow was coming close to a blizzard and they could barely see. Guinevere had been at a distance so was in more winter gear than Eggsy, but had given Eggsy his gloves, hat, scarf, and goggles, to help him at least a little. They trudged through, but it was getting bad. Guinevere kept projecting his usual calm but he was worried.

"There!" Eggsy shouted. They picked up the pace and made it, Eggsy shooting the lock on the door. Percival lit his torch and looked around. "Shit," Eggsy said.

"The roof is intact," Percival said bracingly. "That is a benefit."

"Window there isn't," Eggsy pointed. "And no wood for that stove."

"We can cover the window with your suit jacket. It looks like there are some blankets," Guinevere said calmly. "We'll get this sorted. Merlin knew this is where we were headed. He'll have The Hawk hunting us down from the extraction point, as soon as the weather clears. Get out of the wet clothes, Eggsy before you are more chilled." Guinevere takes off the treated long wool coat and the thin waterproof trousers under. They do little to help. He gives his coat a good shake out and a lot of the moisture falls off. Pilar's latest chemical wash doing an excellent job. He reaches into the inside pocket and pulls out the thin thermal blanket that was his spare.

Eggsy was down to his vest and pants which were mostly dry. Percival went to where there were blankets at the end of the small bed and snatched one up. He quickly wrapped Eggsy up. "We'll put the thermal blanket on the bed and -" the bed started moving a bit and they realized there were mice nesting in it. "Or not," he said sadly. He took a breath and looked at Eggsy. Somehow the lad still looked so young, though he was well into his second decade with the Kingsman. And he had a family now. Guinevere made a promise to himself. Eggsy was making it through the night.

"Uh, we can kick the mice out?" Eggsy said staring at horror at the bed. "Shit I wish I had my alpaca hat right now."

"New plan. Grab all the bedding." Guinevere snapped open the thermal blanket that really was one person sized. "We get to cuddle for warmth. Put the sheet and one of the blankets on the ground," Guinevere said. They were bigger and would provide some coverage. The ground wasn't ice cold, but not by much. He then put the thermal blanket down. "Okay, Eggsy, lay down." Eggsy spread out on it, trying to stay as close to the edge as possible. Percival checked and Eggsy's suit trousers were still too wet to be of use. But his coat was doing well. He carefully wrapped the one remaining blanket around Eggsy's legs and then cuddle up, spooning the younger agent.

"Aww, always knew you secretly liked me," Eggsy joked.

"I like you very much indeed," Guinevere agreed seriously.

"I was making a sex joke Michael," Eggsy yawned. "Tired."

"It was a long run to here after a heavy battle." The thermal was doing its job and they were safe from the ground cold, but the air in the cabin was getting cooler as the storm raged.

"Wait, what about you, I have all the blankets?" Eggsy realized.

"You are providing shared warmth, and the coat on top of us is well rated for the temperature. This was an unexpected and sudden squall, we'll be found before it is a problem," Guinevere said in the calm measured voice that kept so many Kingsman sane.  The coat just managed to cover both their shoulders spread out.

"Got to make it home," Eggsy slurred, either from exhaustion or the cold. 

"You will my boy," Guinevere promised.

"Can't leave Merlin as Da to two teens," he said. "Sasha was just settling in."

"You'll see them soon, and Alexander will do something incredibly annoying and the quiet of this cabin will be a fond memory."

"Can always get Mum and Sean to come home for Daisy, they'd do it in a second," Eggsy kept planning for his absence. "And Sasha and Lachlan can manage, but -"

"Hush, son, hush."

"Harry will be sad," Eggsy said drifting off. "Plus everything we do, Eggsy popsicle not the way I planned on going out." Eggsy fell asleep.

Guinevere shifted the coat so that it covered Eggsy even more. He was quite right that Harry would be very sad without Eggsy and the boy had a family. And Guinevere loved him, though he never said it. He watched Eggsy snuggle into the soft warmth of the coat and smiled. He could feel the cold against his back. It was unpleasant. But he would endure and if he didn't, Eggsy would.

*******************************

"Shit, shit, shit," The Hawk said as he dug out the door of the cabin. It had taken him longer than he wanted to find the place after the storm ended and the sun came up. He had supplies from the plane and hoped it was enough. "A little help on your end!" he shouted.

"Guinevere?" he heard inside. "Oh god, wake the fuck up Michael!"

The Hawk doubled down on digging out the door, and managed to push it open and took in the scene.

"He's all...something," Eggsy said. 

The Hawk had been a field medic for years and took in the scene in an instant. He cracked some heat packs. "Guinevere what day is it?"

"Day?" Percival asked slowly. "One of the ones that falls on the week."

"Who are  you married to?" The Hawk asked as he checked extremities. They very cold and a couple fingers on the left hand didn't look good. "Hold this," he passed a pack over. He realized the man's back was like ice. "You didn't huddle for warmth?" The Hawk glared at Eggsy. 

"We were!" Eggsy protested, he looked ready to cry. "We followed the rules for this sort of situation."

"Changed. Got colder. Eggsy fine, all is fine," Guinevere said. "Sleep more now."

"Like fuck," The Hawk said. He slid a few more heat packs under Guinevere's suit jacket and the man sighed in relief. "You need to stay awake." The Hawk pulled an energy capsule out of his kit. "This is likely to fuck it up more, but we need you awake. Eggsy get some clothes on. I have a sled out there and I'll need your help dragging him to the jeep I stole."

Eggsy ran and put on his suit trousers and then waterproof pants. They carried Guinevere outside to the small sled and The Hawk bundled him as well as he could. "You are a fucking idiot."

"I'm married to Arthur, of course I am," Guinevere managed. He began to shiver as warmth seeped into him and made him realize just how cold he had gotten.

"Galahad, we need to haul arse," The Hawk said.

Eggsy nodded. They alternated dragging the sled, the person not moving it, staying beside Guinevere, talking to him, making him focus.

Eventually they were in the car and then at the plane. The Hawk settled Guinevere as well as he could and got him in the air. He radioed home to let them know the situation, that there might be problems but guinevere was stabilized for the moment. 

Eggsy sat beside Guinevere. "Why?" he asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" Guinevere countered.

"We might have both been fine," Eggsy said.

"Couldn't guarantee it, better to for sure keep one of us well." Guinevere looked at his left hand, the pinkie was worrying, as were a few toes.

"But why?" Eggsy asked. "Why would you?"

Guinevere looked at him. "You are Harry's. I might not say it, or act it like he does, but that shouldn't imply that I don't think of you as mine as well."

"Oh," Eggsy said. He reached out a careful hand and smoothed down Guinevere's hair. "So um..."

"Family Eggsy. What would you do for Daisy or Alexander?" Guinevere yawned. "Can I sleep now?"

"Yeah, the Hawk said you could rest," Eggsy answered. "Thank you, Michael. That was...it could have been..."

"Think nothing of it, son," Guinevere said.

"Harry's going to hug you and kick your arse."

"It will be fun," Guinevere fell asleep, Eggsy watching over him.


	92. Mending Your Breaks

Tristan had been walking London for hours. He knew Liz was home with the dogs, and he knew there would be somebody at the estate who would spar with him. But he just kept walking the same streets in a bizarre circle pattern. It was almost dawn and he was pretty sure his feet were bleeding. He finally sent a text  _in a bad way_.

15 minutes later he received back  _well come on then, kettle is going on_.

He was mindful of Daisy and knocked on Michelle's door very quietly. She let him in wearing an astoundingly ugly robe and Eggsy made slippers that looked like bats.

Michelle took one look at him and sighed. "Oh hun," she said. She reached up to caress his cheek and guided him to the kitchen. She reached to a top shelf and pulled down a bottle of vodka. She poured them each a shot and put it beside their tea cups and poured the tea. There was also a plate of store bought cookies.

"To the dawn," Michelle said quietly. "It will be here soon, like it always is." They clinked the shot glasses and knocked the vodka back with a wince.

"That was appalling," he said.

"Sean likes that crap. I'd mostly rather drink paint thinner," Michelle said. "But it rather does the trick." She began to nibble on a cookie. "Bad night or anniversary of something?"

Tristan began to say just a bad night but then he realized. "Oh," he said.

"Yup, it gets far enough away, we stop counting down the dates, so it sneaks up on you, and you've got all these memories and then you are hooped."

He nodded. "I had hoped after the confrontation in court that she would no longer haunt me." He laughed a little. "Foolish."

"Not really," Michelle answered. She put her hand over top his and squeezed. "First few times Sean and I fooled around, all was perfect so not no flashbacks all good, then one night he was the one who was frisky and came up behind me and nuzzled. I just attacked, in a panic. Split his lip, which then made me spiral because I was sure the beating was going to be horrible."

Tristan nodded, he had had a few instances similar with Liz. "I have never hurt her. Mostly I run and hide. My height and training and I run from a woman I can pick up with one hand."

"Hiding is great," Michelle said. "Linen closet here is spectacular."

"My quilting room, or the garden shed," he said. "You know, you and Daisy should come for tea. I bet she would love my gardens and all the dogs."

"She'd never want to leave," Michelle agreed. They drank their tea.

"It was the anniversary of the first time she ignored my safe word," he said eventually. "When it really all started to go bad."

Michelle switched from sitting across from him to beside him and gave the man a hug.

"Do you know how many people at work fear me?"

"80% of them?"

"Something like that," he said. He looked at the scars on his wrists. "You aren't."

"I know what men to fear," she said. She ran a gentle finger over the scars. "You hate them."

He nodded. He twitched his wrist so the cuff Liz had given him covered some of them. But they were still there noticeable on the other wrist.

"Kintsugi," Michelle said.

"I'm sorry?" Tristan was rather thrown.

"It's a Japanese thing. Sean likes museums, boring as hell, but then he does pub trivia with me so it balances out. But the one has this section of pots and cups and kettles. The Japanese mend them with like fancy shite, gold, titanium. The make the scar visible yeah? Because it's a part of the history, of the thing. It own its brokeness. Now personally I think they look like crap."

Tristan barked out a laugh.

"You laugh, but here is this pretty flower cup and boom this giant gold line through it. But metaphors yeah? We can hide our scars until we walk the whole of London at 4am, or we can make them gold."

"That doesn't really make sense."

Michelle frowned. "It's ass o'clock in the morning. Excuse me that my pep talk falls apart."

Tristan pulled her in for a hug. "I understand I think."

"Good, because now that I think about it, no clue what I was actually going for." Michelle kissed his cheek. 

"It's nice to talk to you," he said. "This, us, has helped."

"Me too," Michelle agreed. "Though thought you usually went to your soulmate when you're troubled."

"Sin's in China."

Michelle smiled at that. It was adorable how Tristan and Sin were about each other, and she knew Liz thought so as well. "Ahhh, well suppose I can understand coming second to a bloke who looks like that."

Tristan rolled his eyes a little bit. "You aren't a second place person."

Michelle smiled sweetly, sadly. "Oh darling, that's all I am, all I ever am. A second place girl. But silver still shines pretty, so it's okay."

Tristan kissed her hand, a courtly gesture. "You are much more, and much better than you think."

"So are you," Michelle said. She moved back around the table, to her tea. "Come on then, tell me about your plans to ask Liz to marry you."

"How do you know I have any plans of that nature?" Tristan bluffed.

Michelle just looked at him. "Dawn is here. You made it through. Tell me something nice."

"It involves Hiccup behaving," Tristan began and they talked of happy things until the sky was fully light.


	93. Origin Story Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> origins of Sean

Paperwork, always paperwork. They never showed that on the telly. And never showed that promotions were often based on dotting your xes and crossing your i, as Father always liked to say. He was good at paperwork and was making good progress at the job. In a few years he'd maybe even make a fancy office. Windows would be nice. Alone would be great. Someone really needed to tell the other officers that that much cologne was vile. He made his phone calls and did his paperwork and got ready for his drive.

He and his partner did a few speeding tickets and helped a rather lost tourist. And then they came across a woman streaks of grey in her hair screaming and pummeling a man. They went and arrested her and put her in the back of the car. Sean was very careful not to look at her.

His partner just tried to ask her a few questions as they drove her in and she swore at him in three languages. And then she raised her arm and a small dart went through the wiring and hit the man's neck. "Pull over, Sean."

"Jesus Mother, did you just kill my partner?" Sean drove the car down a quiet side road and turned. "And what the hell? Arresting you for the first time I see you since I was 19?"

"I didn't not kill him, he is not interesting enough to be killed," she dismissed. "I needed to talk to you."

"There are phones, the house is still there, Father seldom leaves it."

"Boring, narrow minded man," she spit out.

"Because he wanted a family?" Sean was indescribably angry. "Because he wanted the woman he loved to love him and their son? Because his world is simple?"

"The world is not simple, and the beliefs he holds -"

"In God?" Sean said. "The fact that he and I go to Temple and believe was enough to walk away from us?"

She sneered. "You see the world and still believe?"

"Yes! And that shouldn't have been enough to turn you away from us, he never asked you to believe."

"This is not why I left. And see the world as we did and say you believe. I remember Bletchley Circle, I remember things that make you not believe."

"You were a teen, doing homework beside your mother who helped save the world. I remember her stories. I know now they weren't stories, but Father remembers horrible things too, and he still believes in people, after everything." Sean shook his head. "This is just the same fight as always. Why are you here?" He took a breath. "You know, I don't care. Just..." Sean got out of the car and opened the door. "Just want you gone, you liked being gone, why couldn't you stay gone?"

"Because my son, shouldn't be in that hideous hat and giving out tickets, he should be saving the world!" she shouted. "It is his birthright."

"Oh is that why you left us, you were saving the world?" he laughed. "You've never cared about the world, just maths."

"Math is purer than the world will ever be," she began a rant he had heard his whole life. "And I was saving the world before I left, it just at a certain point became easier to leave to do the job." She reached out to touch him, something she hadn't done since he was 15 and dropped all but the required maths classes. She was sure it was to spite her. "There is a job opening where I work, where I am a code breaker, like my mother."

"I can't do that work," Sean protested. "I'll never be enough your boy to do that sort of work."

"You are a very clever man, Sean," she said. She frowned when he flinched. "Why that face?"

"Because you never once called me smart, Mother," he whispered.

"Of course I did, you have a keen mind," she dismissed, focused on her point, like she always had been.

"No, you didn't. Not once. The bad voice in my head, Mother, is you sneering at every B+, every test that was less than 90%." He shrugged.

"You weren't trying. Now about the job -"

"If it is a place that hires people like you, I can't see it as a place that I should work for," Sean said, matching her dismissive tone. He did it easily. He wished it made him feel better to watch her flinch, but it didn't. "Mom, just go."

"They hire men. A small group of men, who act, in ways your police force can't," she said. "They save the world. They need your heart." She looked at him and tilted her head. "You are so handsome, like your father."

"He still misses you."

"I miss him, be we were a mistake. Though not so much, perhaps, we made you." She handed him a card. "Please, they start selection in a week. They need you. You...you won't have to see me, I stay buried in my corner with the other scientists and numbers people."

Sean uncuffed her and she walked away. He waited for her to look back but she didn't.

His partner began to wake up and Sean realized how much paperwork this would be. He sighed a little.

*****************************

He felt his father settle beside him, and just kept watching the front as the Rabbi spoke. He took his father's hand when it was offered and held tight.

"Love scares her, it can't be calculated," the older man whispered.

"I know Father," Sean said. He looked around the temple the way the evening light was washing in.

"And I know you think her leaving was about this," he gestured a little. "But that was only a piece of it. I tried to cage a wild thing, it is easy to understand why it scarred me on its way to freedom." They prayed together when it was time. "She offered you something."

"She did," Sean said. "I don't trust it."

"Put your faith in Him, but cut the cards yourself," Issac said.

"I don't know how that applies, Father," Sean said. They quietly excused themselves and went outside. 

Issac pulled out a cigarette and smoked. "You stay small, to be near me, to not leave me like she did. Spread your wings and fly. You can always choose to come home. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want to become like her."

"You shouldn't, and you shouldn't become me. You should be Sean, and you've been hiding from him long enough. She used to talk in her sleep. I have an idea what she is asking of you. For you. It will suit, the suit." Issac looked at the sky. "Put in your resignation and go."

"And if I fail?" 

Issac smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "My son? He's never failed anything he tried at. That was what she could never understand, about you. That when you want it, you are her. Passion, conviction, and wielding the fucking sword of god. If you want it when you see what it is - it will be yours."

Sean put an arm around his father and they walked home and watched some telly.

***************************************

"I'm from Eton, of course, was engaged in some serious study. How about you?"

"Officer for Scotland Yard, mostly traffic," Sean said. He had worn his best suit, which looked so cheap next to the others in the room. A few sneered. They listened to the body bag lecture and Sean dismissed it as hyperbole. They were then asked to hand over any jewelry that might identify them, family crest rings and the like. He saw one of the men roll his eyes when he took off his star of David pendant. 

"No one is going to be allowed time to worship their god," the man warned.

"I can keep faith in my heart," Sean answered.

Another candidate snorted.

Sean felt his jaw firm.

Right, he was kicking all their asses. He was winning this job, just to piss off the tweed brigade.

****************************************

She was working an equation that had bothered her for months.

People were gossiping as they always did, it was annoying but she tuned it out.

"Did you hear, they are done, there is a new Bedievere?"

"Which one?" someone asked.

"The one who had been a cop." 

"His name is Sean," she said. "And he's worth more than any of you lot."

There was stunned silence, Mildred never ever spoke to people.

She went back to her maths, and smiled. She had finally done something right by her son. And a couple years later when they ran into each other in the halls, Sean nodded to her politely, no anger in his eyes, she felt a warmth in her heart, that hadn't been there in a long time. She nodded back, neither saying anything. But it was enough.


	94. Sean and Michelle Talk About Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michelle thinks that now that they are shagging they should be doing it a lot more. She thinks Sean is just being a gentleman. Turns out he has reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a small warning that this contains discussion of michelle's less than awesome sexual history with Dean

Michelle put on some pretty underwear, breathable cotton because Sean was confused about why any woman would wear lace unless it was on stage. And he honestly seemed to like a too tight cotton camisole over the see through crap that other men dug. He was so weird.

And too considerate.

They had started to have sex a couple months ago and he was still treating her like she was fragile and traumatized and okay she had been and there were days she couldn't look at her body and it was nice to be treated delicately. But she was ready for more. She loved that he was taking his time with her and the 3 times they had done it in the last 8 weeks had been incredible and she got used to the feel of a man in her who wasn't interested in fake cries and humiliating her and she wanted her sexy pilot to throw her down and take everything she was offering. She had been subtle but had learned that god bless him, subtle did not work on the man. When she had suggested a little more alone time he had brought her like 300 pounds worth of Lush bathbombs and other things thinking she honestly meant she needed alone time.

Sure, she wasn't going to say no to that. But when she made a comment about her samples from her second job getting a good workout, she was sure he'd get jealous. Instead he talked about women being in charge of their own sexuality. And she had done her reading. And if he was doing the sex now they were in the all clear. So must be more of that Kingsman crap.

Michelle was going to tell him point blank she needed more sex.

What guy was going to complain about that?

**************************

"I don't get it," Michelle pulled herself off of Sean's lap. It seemed she did have the one guy who was going to complain about being offered more sex.

"I," Sean looked embarrassed as he stared at the wall. "I. It wasn't out of gentlemanly behaviour that we weren't shagging more."

"Is there a kink I am missing? Because I've done a lot of crap, don't mind helping you out. I mean I've limits yeah? But I can put up with a lot if it will make you happy," Michelle said. And shite, that made him now look sad. "I just mean, I can do bondage, anal, threeways, can take a belt but not my fav, uh I guess piss if you really like it. Just tell me what you need to find me sexy," she said. "So you don't leave."

And joy, looked like maybe she had been more worried about why they weren't shagging than just the not shagging. She grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around herself so not even her toes were peeking out. "What am I doing wrong that you don't want me?" she asked in a small voice.

Sean twisted to look at her but made sure not to crowd her. "Not a fucking thing Michelle. I want you so much."

"That doesn't make sense," she protested. "You can't say you want me and then not put your dick in me."

"It's the truth," Sean said. "I have a low sex drive," he explained. "I find you astounding. Beautiful and sexy and I want you very much."

"You're demisexual. I read up on it. Now that we do the do, it means you are engaged and it is all okay. You are emotionally involved and -" she shrugged. "This is all really confusing. A bloke finds a girl attractive and she doesn't put up a fight they shag." She looked at him. "Why are you making that face?"

"Because you make me wonder how much you ever consented in your relationship with he who we don't name."

"Now now, Voldemort was actually really good in bed," she joked. "And we was married and I liked some of it, and well, I didn't other stuff, but it didn't kill me so whatever." She thought about it. "Least ever was the guy who didn't let me know that he were married and that was twice a week." She looked at him. "Sex when it is good it is awesome. I love it."

"I do too," Sean reassured her. "And I love doing it with you."

"Okay then, let's go," she said and dropped the blanket.

"But not tonight," Sean said quietly.

"Because you are worried I'll have a flashback? Like don't hit me with a beer bottle and we're good," Michelle said.

"I'll never hit you with anything. I'm vanilla with sprinkles at best," Sean said. "I can't give you pain. I'm sorry darling."

"Don't want pain, just can take it if I have to. So why not tonight if you want me?" Michelle was getting pissed at all this runaround.

"I always want you, I just...I don't want to do anything about it tonight?"

"That doesn't make sense!" Michelle huffed.

"I have a low sex drive," Sean repeated. "I just don't...I find you sexy and want you, but my body doesn't often respond to that desire."

"So drugs, blue pills are easy to get, hell I know a guy from the block can get a good bit in just a couple days."

Sean frowned and shook his head. "Can I be blunt?"

"Please, for fuck's sake, yes."

"If you dropped to your knees and blew me, I'd get hard...might be quick, might be a while. Can't especially say. I just don't need or even want to fuck a lot. When I want it, it is fantastic and god I love the feel of an orgasm, but at my height of horniness we are talking 3 or 4 times a month. Once a month can do me fine," he said helplessly.

"Oh," Michelle fell silent. "Not taking the piss to spare my feelings?"

"Why do you think I spent so much time getting you off before we started full intercourse?" Sean smiled. "I love getting you off, I just don't need a lot back."

"I need a cuppa," Michelle said. She got up and left the room.

Sean stayed put, he knew that really meant she needed time to think. He was pretty sure he had just talked himself out of the relationship. He should have just agreed to take viagara but he hated the stuff it felt fake and wrong and screwed with his head. He really, truly, loved sex, he just didn't need very much of it.

Michelle came back in, no tea, but a piece of paper with rough notes and a pen.

She sat down and didn't look at him.

"You think I'm sexy and want to shag me: Yes or No?"

"Yes."

"But the way you are wired means you don't want to do that very much: Yes or No?"

"Yes."

"If you were wired differently you'd shag me every second of the day that I wanted?"

"Very much yes," Sean agreed.

"And the lack of shagging has nothing to do with a missing kink, correct?" she was raining the questions down like bullets.

"Correct."

"Do you want me to find an inbetween shag so that I don't pressure you for sex?" Her voice broke a little on that.

"No," he whispered. "No I don't want to share you."

"I don't want to be shared," Michelle reassured him. "But I need to get this sorted in my head." She reached out and touched his cheek. "This isn't anything I've...guys have always wanted to throw down with me. I have a pretty smile, a good dye job and a great bum."

"I love all those things about you," Sean said. "Though your sense of humour is really my favourite."

"Of course it is," Michelle kissed him. "Do you have any problems with me masturbating when you aren't here?"

"No," he said swiftly.

"Do you have problems with me masturbating when you are here?"

"No, I really like watching you."

"Do you like helping me, even if it won't get you hard or be about you nailing me into the mattress?"

"I do, very much."

"And you promise to always tell me when you do want to shag?"

"Yes," he swore.

"I mean it. You call me from whatever country you are in and say you are horny and we'll have the best phone sex you can imagine. I will call in sick to work if you are in town, I'll tell Eggsy he's taking Daisy for an extra night, because I darn well know you don't want to shag with her in the house, because you are adorable like that." Michelle looked at him. "Can I sit in your lap?"

"Always, I love it when you do." He held out his arms and pulled her in, her head against his shoulder. "Is this a deal breaker for you?" Sean asked after a bit.

Michelle was quiet, really thought about it. "I do like sex. I've had a lot of bad sex, indifferent sex, and good sex. I have to adjust my thinking and that is going to take some time. And I'm going to go through batteries, but occasional but brilliant sex with the man I love is worth that expense."

"Pilar has these rechargeable batteries that last 80 hours, I'll get you a few sets," Sean offered. "I just don't want you to settle."

"So what, I'm supposed to break your heart because it turns out our sex plans don't match up?"

"Yes," he said. "Because you don't need another relationship that disappoints you."

"I'm going to be disappointed sometimes yes, when I ask if you are interested and you say no, but that doesn't mean I am disappointed in us and who we are building, yeah?" Michelle kissed his jaw. "Just maybe don't let me drink a lot of margaritas around you? They make me want to climb men like a tree."

He laughed at that. "I'm glad I am the man you decided you want to climb. I promise to make the tree available as often as it wants to."

"That was just horrible. I thought all you guys had that NLP crap taught to you."

"My other scores were high enough to balance out how horrific at that I was," Sean explained. He hugged her tight. "Want an exciting night of popcorn and a movie? I'll rub your feet."

"That sounds good," she agreed. "I'll go put on sweats."

"I mean if you like. Just because I don't want to fuck tonight, doesn't mean, I'm hating the view," he dragged his finger over the skin at the edge of the camisole.

"Fair enough," she said and snuggled into him as he put on something romantic.


	95. And Minion Makes Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DPM POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> context, sort of present day. turns out Q wasn't fixed and knocked up a labrador and Eggsy is trying to give away puppies.  
> Percival fell in love and named one Fezzik. It just now needs to be brought home to Dread Pirate Mewttins.

Why did his human have serious face? Had he finally realized the time had come to use him in glorious battle? Had he finally realized that he needed the mighty Dread Pirate Mewttins to destroy those foul and weak creatures who lay before them.

DID HIS HUMAN FINALLY REALIZE THAT WRONG HUMAN WAS MEANT TO BE THEIR SERVANT AND NOT THEIR EQUAL? WOULD HE FINALLY BE ALLOWED TO SLEEP ON WRONG PERSON'S FACE AND LET HIM KNOW HE WAS THE LEAST OF THE THREE OF THEM?

"Dread Pirate Mewttins, we need to talk," his human said. He said things like that right before he went away. He had not learned that going away was unacceptable. Dread Pirate Mewttins would once again try to teach his human the rules. He needed so much guidance. But his human was reaching out, and he had not received the proper number of pets as was his due, so he decided to hop into the lap. But he would delay purring for three whole pets, just to get his disappointment in his human across. That would show him for planning to leave again.

"Michael has fallen rather thoroughly in love," his human said.

That was a mistake. Wrong human was wrong in all the ways that mattered. He was weaker, boring, gave less tuna, used the wrong toy, let that evil red dot in the house, did not let Dread Pirate Mewttins explore the garden.

But wrong human did love Harry.

Clearly the aliens that had sent those dust bunnies that he fought on a daily basis, nobly and for no reward, had infected the weaker brain of wrong human. 

Dread Pirate Mewttins would be kind and step on his head until the alien inside left.

"Mrrow," he said, ready for the mission.

"No, I don't mean like that," Harry hugged him. His right human gave acceptable hugs. "I mean, we may be bringing another pet in the house."

Another?

There were no pets here. Harry, the right human, the Wrong Human, and their benevolent overlord, he the vicious Dread Pirate Mewttins. The closest to a pet was when those idiot dogs JB and Q came by with their people.

The dogs, those pathetic, and dumb creatures who would bow and scrape for a treat. 

His humans understood that they were to give treats as nothing less than Dread Pirate Mewttins due. There were no tricks, they were honoured to be in his presence. 

They would never talk of the tickle game he sometimes played with Harry.

Dread Pirate Mewttins looked at his human and all of a sudden understood. "No," he shouted. It came out as a tiny little bark.

"I'm sorry, but...he hasn't a dog in forever. And he loved him so, and to see that look on Michael's face...I couldn't say no. I bought you the good tins of food, the one's Michael says are too rich for you," Harry pleaded. "New toys too. And he'll be staying downstairs, garden level. Upstairs will all be yours until you two are used to each other." His human paused. "He's just a puppy now, a baby, but you should be warned, darling, he will grow really big. Similar to Q. He's Q's son actually."

Q was a beast sent from the devil to try the Dread Pirate Mewttins soul. Mountains were smaller than that dog. 

Dread Pirate Mewttins was done with this betrayal. His human must suffer. He hopped off the lap and went to sulk.

The look of sadness and horror on his human's face when he hopped into Wrong Human's lap was worth it.

******************************************

The crate was huge. And the thing in it was noisy. And looked like a slobberer.

And was already triple the size of the Dread Pirate Mewttins.

No.

******************************************

Ugh, it was crying again.

He had successfully ignored the invader and the humans for a week.

He wasn't missing his human. He was above that sort of nonsense. He had just taken to sleeping in his laundry hamper. It meant nothing. NOTHING.

But it kept crying when Wrong Human went out.

Not that he was even going out that much, babying the invader as he was. Pathetic dog person.

They had taken the black bags. That meant they returned with the food they hunted. Which was silly there were birds outside, but they liked the food in the plastic wrappers.

But still, the whimpers were reaching upstairs. He was done with it.

Time to show the foolish invader who was in charge.

Dread Pirate Mewttins stalked down the steps and into the laundry room where the dog was crated.

He was whining, whimpering, showing that he wanted to belong to the people.

He didn't understand that the humans belonged to them. It was so simple and obvious.

But he was a baby.

Maybe no one had taught him.

Of course. Wrong human made sure the dog was uneducated, to make sure he would follow blindly at wrong human's heel.

Dread Pirate Mewttins went up to the cage,  _they will return_.  _stop this racket_.

 _But what if he doesn't, I love him. Does he love me. He has too, he named me_ , the dog whimpered.  _Me Fez._

 _No, you are Fezzik,_ he corrected. Proper names were to be used.

 _Me like Fez. Me sad. Me want my people. He smells nice. His buddy smells like you_.

Dread Pirate Mewttins sighed. It seemed he was as dull witted as his father.  _They are mated, not buddies_.

 _But they wrestled like me and my brothers. I miss them_ , Fezzik began to howl.

 _SILENCE, or I will not break you out of your prison_ , Dread Pirate Mewttins declared. 

Fezzik rammed his nose into the cage and whimpered at the ouchie.  _Are you my friend?_

Dread Pirate Mewttins shuddered at the thought.  _No, but I want to annoy Wrong Human. He needs to remember his place._

 _Me not want to make him mad, he has the spray bottle of doom. DOOM,_ Fezzik ducked his head.

Dread Pirate Mewttins understood. He had battled the spray bottle once, before his human had learned his lesson. It was a vile, monstrous thing.  _Fine, but I am tired of your prattle. I will keep you company until they return with their hunted food. I need a nap, be quiet_.

_Me love you. Me going to be your best friend. Me play fetch with you and love you, and lick you and -_

Good lord, the thing never shut up. But his human had said it would grow big. That could be useful. Big was where the good treats were.

Dread Pirate Mewttins put a paw into the cage.  _I am your god. I will show you how to train your human to your will._

 _Can you make him play in the garden more?_ Fezzik looked at him with the awe that was truly deserved.

 _Yes. Obey me, and all you could dream of will be yours_ , Dread Pirate Mewttins meowed. It almost sounded like an evil laugh.

Fezzik gasped  _three balls_?

Okay, the minion needed some work on goals, but perhaps he would do.

******************************

"No...No, no, no, no, they can't bond. Harry!" Wrong human shouted when he returned and saw the pets holding paws through the cage. "They can't. Your freaky cat cannot contaminate my sweet puppy."

Yes, Dread Pirate Mewttins thought, the puppy invader would do.


	96. The Semi-Annual Sparks Bitch About Your Agent Session

"Merlin," Michelle began looking around to make sure her co-workers had set up the private room well. "I don't understand why I am here." She fussed a little more at the tablecloths and tea trays.

"Because ye are one of us," he said kindly.

"But Sean isn't an agent anymore, he is a pilot," she pointed out for the fifth time. 

"Yes," Merlin said, "And we all know a Kingsman pilot is never ever pressed into agent like behaviour. He's never come home injured, and ye have never worried about him."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll stay." Sarah came in with Declan who saw the table of sweets and the second his feet hit the floor began to crawl to it. Sarah scooped him up again. Michelle grabbed a biscuit off the table and brought it over. Declan lunged for her and babbled happily. It was jammed in his mouth in two seconds. "Auntie privilege," Michelle said quickly. "Go get a mimosa."

Sarah thought about it and went and got the drink. Slowly all the spouses and partners rolled in and were chatting and drinking. Hamish walked in dragging Chris who was bitching even harder than Michelle had.

"Don't see what I gain out of this fucking mess," Chris said. "I'm busy. And that fucking tosser doesn't matter so much to me I actually need to join you lot." 

"Do not lie," Hamish said sternly. "It does you no credit, Christian. Now eat a scone and realize that you do not have to suffer alone." Hamish huffed. "Ms Unwin, thank you this spread looks quite lovely."

"Thank you Hamish. How is your young man, has he started eating people yet?" Michelle was worried about Gem's partner, she couldn't lie.

"I feel he would more likely turn them into sculptures than eat them," Hamish said thoughtfully.

"At least my fucking tosser isn't evil," Chris muttered and stuffed a scone in his face.

"Not yours is just the second most reckless Kingsman there is," Hamish chided. "Go mingle like a good boy." Chris snarled and stayed planted to Hamish's side, to annoy him, and because Hamish was secretly his friend.

Sarah and Mikey moved to the front. Declan immediately shimmied down from where he had been tugging Liz's hair and went to his mom. Allison hurried over and he was happy with his third favourite woman.

"Right, hi everyone," Mikey said. "Big news, I have the patches for everyone. Stickers too!" There was laughter and applause.

Sarah smiled. "So last meeting we got rather heavy, and I think we need a break from the tears. So welcome to the SPARKS semi-annual throw your agent under the bus meeting. Let us air all our petty and absurd complaints."

"Like what, you reach for your favourite prostate massager in your drawer and you fucking find three just in case knives?" Chris shouted.

Sarah grinned. "Absolutely! Who else is sick of reach for an item and pull back a weapon?" Every single person in the room raised their hands. "Right now Chris wins with missing prostate massager. Anyone want to challenge?"

"Reached for a spanner, found a stick of dynamite?" Twitch threw in.

"Oi, where'd you get that skirt? Do they do skulls?" Chris looked at the retro style skirt that was covered in tiki's.

"Yeah, a girl who does commissions. i've give you her number," Twitch said. Chris nodded pleased.

"I have curling iron, was basically a modified cattle prod," Liz said. "Which, the man is bald, I don't even want to know what happened there."

"My pattern weight was a grenade," Hamish offered.

Everyone chimed in with what weapons they found in places. Merlin had to concede since half the weapons were actually his. In the end Liz won just because of yeah why was Tristan even messing with a curling iron in the first place.

"Can we bitch about the I can't give you mission details, so even though you know what I do for a living, in case this line is bugged I will give you the worst excuse on the planet?" Mikey asked. "Because seriously Gemma telling me she's going to be late because she is helping look for a lost cat  _as i hear the gunshots in the background_ is kind of annoying as fuck," Mikey looked sick at speaking poorly of Gemma. "I mean I work for them too! I know she isn't looking for a missing cat."

"Fucking tosser before I knew knew about you lot, told me, and I fucking shit you not:  _uhhhh I'm in a video game competition and am doing better than I thought_. When I pointed out the screams in the background and the sound of him driving, he said it was a fucking GTA competition. Never seen the moron even pick up a controller," Chris said.

"I run his missions, and watched him get bloody shot on camera and I get told,  _sorry babe, going to be late, heard about a yarn sale_ , like I didn't know he was going to A&E to try to fix it up before I would see? I saw on the security cameras!" Merlin went and got himself a liberally spiked tea.

Michelle raised her hand. "What about the because they work weird hours, they think everyone does?"

"Ohhhh yessssss!" Sarah drawled out. "Preach, Michelle."

"My hours here at the tea house haven't changed once since Sean and I got together but somehow these international globe trotting idiots forget damn time zones so I get calls in the middle of a shift, which considering their job, you don't want to go to voice mail in case it is the last call and it is  _hey we should marathon that new netflix show when I get home_."

"How do they not remember time zones?" Pilar asked. "I programmed all their watches with time zone adjustment and does Bors use it? No!" Pilar muttered something in Spanish and Chris choked on his spit. She looked at him. "You speak Spanish?"

"We tour a lot, I like to learn languages. Fun to swear at the fucking tosser in a bunch of languages," Chris said. "Right and the showing up out of the blue when they get back. Like fuck do I miss him, but if I am in the middle of a goddamn set, I ain't dropping my own goddamn work to count his bullet wounds. Enjoy watching my arms until I'm done!" Chris heaved a sigh. "Okay this is good, because they like save the fucking world and it makes you feel like shit about bitching about it. Because you can't tell them, I want to murder your soul because you forget to check if the milk is expired and then I end up drinking chunks, because it probably expired while he stopped a bloody war. But check your fucking milk before you go out your door!"

Hamish threw an arm around Chris's shoulder. "Don't you feel better?"

"Shut up, old man," Chris grumbled but leaned into him. "I love the fucker, but he is a fucker."

Merlin snorted. "That is the perfect definition of being with a Kingsman agent." Everyone in the room nodded. Declan shouted out "Yeah!" and clapped.

For an hour they all just bitched about everything and anything that drove them batty about their agents and ate scones and drank tea and mimosas. Chris ducked out a little early he had to get to a studio. But he made sure to swipe one of the badges and a sticker sheet as he went.

At the end Michelle kissed Sarah and then Merlin's cheek. "This was good," she said. "And yeah the pilot is near enough to being an agent, that being here felt right. Thank you."

Sarah gave her a deep hug. "We look out for each other, while they look out for the world."

"We should get t-shirts with that," Michelle joked.

Only of course Mikey overheard, and the next meeting there were t-shirts for everyone.


	97. Friendship Bracelet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there was a request for running with scissors fluff. we ended up with super fluff.

Owain knew better than to run through the open market. Run through an open market you get noticed. He and Gemma had separated but they knew where they had to meet up and how long they had to do so. He checked his watch, he was running out of time but had to be smart. He saw one of the men chasing them an aisle over and twisted to look at a stalls wears.

Homemade jewelry, some leather but mostly wood beads on string. It wasn't really his thing, and he smiled ready to move away but one bracelet caught his eye. It was more carved beads, but they were black and the hatching on them almost looked like the houndstooth that Hamish was currently enamoured with. Owain had zero Urdu but he picked up the bracelet and moved his fingers and shrugged to ask how much. The young girl working the stall said something and he had no clue. Owain reached into his pocket and pulled out some money. He held his hand open and gestured. She pointed to what she wanted and Owain added a few more coins. He looked around and the man was gone. He put the bracelet in his pocket and made the extraction point mostly on time.

Thank god the Kingsman had on time, and on Arthur time, for extraction points to give a little leeway.

When they got home and he went to Hamish's house, he rather forgot about the bracelet in amid all the welcome home kisses.

*****************************************

In Northern Scotland he found a metal cuff.

In Moscow, it was this tooled leather.

In the southwest of America they swore it was bone beads.

Soon enough in his sock drawer he had 8 or 9 bracelets that he had purchased for Hamish but never had given him. He knew it was stupid but he had become superstitious and the missions he bought Hamish a bracelet? He and Gemma came home much less beat up than ones he didn't.

But he also knew that Hamish didn't wear a lot of jewelry. He had his watch chain with the poetry fob they both wore, and he sometimes wore this one ring. Owain had noticed that he only wore that ring on certain days and always had this look when he put it on. Owain never asked what that look was about, just gave Hamish an extra hug that morning if he saw it go on. 

The bracelets though, he figured Hamish would say thanks and kiss him and they would go in a box and never be seen again. Owain knew that would bother him, so it was better to keep them to himself.

He found himself keeping that very first one in his pocket, a good luck charm, something to worry with his fingers when someone annoyed him and he thought about caving their faces in. It made him think of Hamish cutting fabric, which was the most soothing thing in the world to watch.

*****************************************

"Ugh, all these tourists," Hamish muttered.

Owain smirked a little. "This was your idea!" They were wandering through the Notting Hill market. "You said you were looking for a thing. That there was a good shot you could find it here, and it is a lovely day and strolling together would be a delight."

"Mr. Donovan, please do not throw my own words back at me. I just heard a man who sounded all nasally say  _Uffda they want me to pay how much for a doorknob? Don'tchaknow what I can get for that at Maynards_? What is a Maynards Mr. Donovan? And do they really sell 200 year old housewares?" Hamish was looking down his nose at pretty much everyone and it was the cutest thing ever. Owain adored fussy Hamish.

"Don't make fun of the yanks. Wasn't one of your boy toys before me like super southern?" Owain asked. He stopped at a table that had some old magazines, he loved old magazines.

Hamish smiled fondly. "Ahhh, yes. Dear Bobby. Excellent arse, quite stupid."

Owain looked at him. "Bobby, really?"

"Hmmm, not a wise choice but a fun one. I was not built for long distance relationships."

Owain frowned a little as he bought a couple magazines. "I'm gone lots." He felt Hamish's hand on his neck and leaned into the touch.

"Yes, Mr. Donovan, but you always come right back to me," Hamish squeezed and then kept on walking. "There!" he shouted and hurried over to the booth. He picked up the decanter and got into a spirited argument with the seller. Owain wandered away, easily distracted at this sort of thing. And of course he ended up at a table where there were bracelets. He couldn't stop himself from poking about, the habit had become so ingrained at this point. At first nothing called to him and then he saw a silver one, braided metal, different than the ones he had in his collection. He looked at the small price tag and over to where Hamish was busy. He handed over the money and quickly stuffed it in his pocket. He ambled over to his boyfriend who was collecting a bag.

Hamish was smiling gleefully. "Mr. Donovan please allow me to buy you an ice cream cone."

"Two scoops?" Owain asked and batted his lashes.

"You may even indulge in a chocolate dipped waffle cone," Hamish promised.

*********************************

"I don't want to go to work," Owain moaned. "They are making me practice lock picking. That's Gem's job," he whined.

"And if you two are separated what will you do?" Hamish didn't look up from his newspaper.

"Wait, like a damsel in distress for rescue," Owain said. "I'll sing a song to the rat in my cell about waiting for true love."

"Are you waiting for true love, Mr. Donovan?" Hamish folded the paper back and Owain could see the quirked brow over the reading glasses.

"You look like a sexy prof right now, let's do something about that," Owain offered.

"No," Hamish went back to his paper. "Also, a bracelet fell out of your pocket." He handed over the silver braided piece. "Yours? Or Morrvyd's?"

"Neither," Owain admitted.

Hamish put his paper fully down. "Oh? Perhaps Christian then, I know you two are becoming friendly."

Owain shook his head. He started tapping a beat on the table, really nervous. Hamish reached over and stilled his fingers, brought them to his lips and kissed them. "I know it is not another lover's trinket," Hamish promised. 

Owain nodded quickly. "Never would step out on you, unless it were the job, and yeah that isn't going to happen much, if at all."

"I put it on the chest in the bedroom, collect it when you like, you have nothing to explain, Jesse."

"It's yours," Owain blurted out.

"I would remember owning that," Hamish said.

"No, I bought it for you in the market yesterday," Owain explained.

Hamish smiled fondly. "And I ruined the surprise of the gift. My apologies, Mr. Donovan."

Owain felt helpless. "I weren't ever going to give it to you."

"Now I am very confused," Hamish admitted.

"I buy you bracelets on missions. Not everyone but lots and it has become this thing. First was by mostly accident and then it just...yeah it's this thing. Like you buying me any poetry book you come across? Only I never give them to you, because you don't really wear jewelry and it would bum me out to have you put it in a box and never wear it and just...there is a pile in my sock drawer. Bracelets I keep buying you and never giving you. They sit in my sock drawer like half used lube or forgotten underground tokens, collecting dust and I just -"

Hamish reached over and kissed Owain, it was the most effective way to stop the rambling he had learned. "Mr. Donovan, it would please me if tonight after your lessons you brought them to me at my office."

"Okay," Owain said quietly. They left for their day.

Owain finished up his lessons with Kay and then went home and got the bracelets and bought them to the still fresh Kingsman's tailors building. It looked so close to the old one, but there were subtle changes. He still wasn't so sure about Pilar's uncle, the new assistant, he was so quiet, but a good sort he figured. He knocked on Hamish's door and went in a second later. "Hey, babe," Owain said.

Hamish put down his sketch book. "Mr. Donovan."

Owain handed over a bag and sat on his hands to make sure that he didn't snatch it back. He watched as Hamish carefully laid out each bracelet on his desk. Owain frowned as he realized how cheap some of them looked in all the understated luxury that surrounded Hamish. That was Hamish.

"Let me put them back in my sock drawer," Owain begged.

"No," Hamish said simply. He reached below the desk and pulled up an antique wooden arm and put it on the desk.

"That's creepy," Owain said.

"No, your little speech about why eating people is certainly a feasible but ultimately unsustainable practice is creepy. This is a jewelry mannequin from 1912," Hamish answered.

"Well it would solve inevitable population issues along with meat shortages, but fundamentally doesn't work because -"

"Mr. Donovan please remember that Soylent Green was a cautionary tale, not a documentary for future living," Hamish chided fondly.

"Fucking love those Charlton Heston dystopias," Owain said.

"I know you do darling," Hamish agreed. "Dreadful man, wonderful cheesy movies." He began to attach the bracelets to the arm and Owain realized that Hamish was wearing the silver one he had left behind that morning. Soon they all decorated the arm in a specifically chosen order, that only made sense to Hamish. The arm was then placed carefully on the edge of the desk. "Yes, that looks quite lovely doesn't it?"

Owain smiled a little. "It does," he agreed. "You don't have to wear them."

"And I won't all the time," Hamish said. "I am unaccustomed to the weight and don't like clattering or banging as I am cutting or sewing. But on office days, they add a certain flair to my look." Hamish ran his fingers over the collection. "And I can look and see you, since you refuse to let me have a photo of you on my desk."

"Well I'm not much to look at, it's silly."

"On that we disagree, but I understand." Hamish looked at him. "You are the only gift I need you know."

"Ugh stop with the super romance stuff," Owain flushed a little. "All that courtly nonsense when you've long since got me." But he had a small smile that let Hamish know how much Owain enjoyed it.

"Of course, Mr. Donovan, no more romance stuff," Hamish said. 

Owain froze. "Not really right?" He felt like panicking.

"No, not really," Hamish laughed and handed Owain a bag that had another book of poetry and a usb stick of him reading the poems for Owain.


	98. Empty Spaces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few years in the future, well after the accident and shortly after Daisy has come to live with Merlin and Eggsy

Daisy was always home first. Now if the guys worked from home, they might be there, but if they were at the office, they never beat her home. Not once in the three months so far, anyways. She always made a snack, and did her homework at the kitchen table, so that she'd have time to go see her friends or more recently she had been building computers, because Merlin had a garden level room like Eggsy's yarn room, but it was full of computers and bits and parts. The first couple weeks here she had hid down there, needing space. Now it was just fun. She was looking forward to mucking around with her current project.

Only when she opened the door, she saw Merlin's leg just standing in the front hallway. It was the one painted with all these greens and blues that Merlin said reminded him of home.

"Merlin?" she called out. Daisy thought she heard a noise from upstairs. She held her panic button tight, the one that called the Kingsman even as it sprayed a Pilar designed chemical that no one would tell her the details of, just that she should spray and run. "Merlin?" she knocked on his and Eggsy's door.

"I'm fine, lass, go about your homework," Merlin called out.

He didn't sound fine though. 

"Are you naked?" Daisy asked.

"What? No," Merlin said surprised.

"Okay, then," she said. Daisy took a breath and walked into the room. "You're never home before me," she said approaching slowly. She sat on the bed next to him. Merlin was wearing sweat shorts and a t-shirt that she was pretty sure was Eggsy's with the way it was just a little too small on him. "Something bad at work?" She knew Eggsy was somewhere, doing something.

"Nae, bad day for me," he said. He was a little pale and she realized he was shaking just a tiny bit.

"Sick?" She touched his head the way Mum had always done for her.

"Just go do your work, I'll be fine. It happens," Merlin gave her a fake smile and waved his hand. Daisy realized he wasn't wearing his fingers either.

"Are you hurting?" Daisy looked at him, and realized that Merlin wasn't young. She had always known that but, he was so fit and clever and just Merlin that she forgot how much older than Eggsy he was. That he was older than Mum. "What is it?"

"Phantom pains, a hint of arthritis. My parents both got arthritis, and with all my keyboard work, it is nae surprising that I am bothered once in a while. I have exercises and -" Merlin stopped talking.

"And what? Ice pack, heat pack, what can I get you Lachlan?" she asked. She was ready to slay a dragon for him.

"If Eggsy was home he'd massage the empty spaces," he said. He shrugged a little. "It can help."

"Empty spaces?" For a moment she didn't understand. Then she did. "Still?" 

Merlin nodded. "Aye. Just under a decade and still. I've adjusted, but the middle of the night over fifty years of muscle memory and you reach for a glass of water with the wrong hand and drop it because ye counted on all your fingers to keep it steady. Or ye realize ye need to pee and lead with a leg not there and fall out of bed." Merlin couldn't hold himself up anymore and lay down on the bed. "And some days, rare now, but you swear you still feel them there. And others the the prosthetics no matter how well fit, just rub your skin wrong. Today was a day where nothing felt right. Liz sent me home." Merlin looked up at Daisy. "Bet you thought all those thumps in the middle of the night were us doing horrible things."

Daisy laughed a little. "Yeah? Didn't realize you forgot." She looked at him. "Merlin, you're old."

Merlin closed his eyes. "Today, I am well aware that I am getting there."

Crap, she had picked up too much from Sean over the years and just sort of said stuff. "I mean, it's okay to need a day off because you feel like shit."

"One could turn to five very easily," Merlin said. 

"So what if it did?" 

Merlin's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

"People take sick days, you know when sick or hurting. Uncle Harry wouldn't mind."

"I know, but." Merlin draped an arm over his eyes. "But."

"But you're scared it might mean the end of the job and you aren't ready for that," Daisy said.

"Aye," Merlin agreed.

Daisy reached out and picked up his hand. The fingers were missing at an angle. The full pinkie, most of the ring, the tip of the middle. She had known him years before the accident but it was difficult to remember him without the mechanical fingers, they just seemed a part of him. Daisy slowly began to massage his palm and worked her way up. She stretched each knuckle, rubbed the fingers there were there and then gently, more gently than Eggsy handling his lace weight silk rubbed over the other areas, over scars barely visible, over what Merlin called his empty spaces. She could see him relaxing a bit, that it seemed to be easing the pain.

"One day, Merlin. It's just a sick day, right?"

"Great, now I have two Unwins fussing over me," Merlin groaned.

"Would a bath help the leg?" she asked, fussing away.

"Aye," he agreed.

"I'll get it going for you," Daisy said. She got up and started the water and put a towel out. She looked up and Merlin was leaning against the door. He opened his arms and she went into them. 

Merlin kissed her head. "I'm old, a little bit anyways, but I'm not going anywhere lass, not for a very long time. I'll see ye grown and happy I promise."

"I know. You and Harry are way too stubborn to go anywhere." Daisy teased.

"The Devil and God both fear us mightily." The bathroom was warm and smelled nice. "Now go do your homework, and then ye can show me what you've been building in my craft room."

"I almost have it working, I think," Daisy said happily. "I'll bring it up." She ran out and Merlin stripped down and sank into the water. Daisy came back up and shouted to him through his closed door all about what she had been building and what she thought the problem was.

He called suggestions out while his body finally relaxed and the pain began to ease a little. Merlin got out of the bath and dried off and put on his comfy robe. He opened the door and saw all the parts spread over the bed. 

"Thank Christ, Eggsy is nae here, he gets pissy about screwdrivers in bed, like I haven't been stabbed in the balls by a weaving in needle." Merlin held against the wall as he went over to the bed and sat down. "Now then, let's see what we can do."

He left his fingers off, not needing them to guide Daisy as she worked.

The next morning he called in sick. Daisy was right, one sick day was no big deal.


	99. Old Dogs, New Tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pet POV for Merlin's big accident

M and JB were on their people's bed. It smelled like them. Their people regularly were away but not both, and usually they got to go to the big place and run and play with friends. They heard the door and JB immediately got excited.

Dad, Dad, Dad, JB barked as he ran down the steps.

Q followed slowly, figuring that it was just H to let them out again. It had been like that the last four days. And H never looked happy. He just let them out, checked their food, and then left. Not even pets. He knew something was wrong. When he made it downstairs JB looked scared. Q automatically put himself between JB and the threat.

"Hello, Q, JB," he said.

They knew him, but he didn't come over a lot. He belonged to one of E's yarn friends. They watched him go into the living room and sit. "Heel," he said.

Q recognized an order and went over slowly.

No, no orders from anyone but Dad and Not Dad, JB whined.

Q barked a little. He knew they had to listen. This was important. JB made his way over.

The man was big and scary, but he held out a hand to sniff. Q leaned in. He smelled okay, he gave the hand a test lick and then sighed in contentment when there were pets. JB stopped staying away and tried to jump up. He was so used to love the little guy, not having it for a few days was killing him.

"Beautiful dogs," he crooned. "I'm Graham, or at work with your masters Tristan." He gave them both more pets. "I need you two to come with me for some time. You are going to go to school, training classes."

Oh hell no, Q and JB barked together. Q was plenty trained thank you very much. JB just didn't like how much they made him sit still.

"This is different," G explained. Q barked. The scary man actually looked very sad. "Merlin has been hurt."

Q and JB lost their shit. JB started barking and running in circles. Q couldn't think he just ran for the front door and tried to throw his body through it. He would find M and make it better. He was the good dog he would fix this. Q felt arms wrap around him in a tight hug and G's voice croon calming words. But Q couldn't calm down, he had to get to M. He snarled and snapped.

"You are a good dog. No," the man said firmly and Q stopped. He was a good dog. He began to whimper.

JB came over and licked Q's leg. He didn't know what to do, but he knew if the man had said Dad was hurt he would be super mad and scared.

They both looked at the man.

He nodded to them. "If you come with me and train, you will learn how to help Merlin for when he is allowed to come home. He will come home," G promised.

Q and JB left with the man.

*******************************************

JB loved the house they were staying at. It had an actual pack and he was playing with so many dogs and all the gardens and Dad's friend made them toys and it was great and he was mostly happy and he was supposed to be learning how to do something. He thought. Maybe. Q was over there in the lessons. Right. He wanted to help Not Dad too. He trotted back over and barked a little. He was ready to learn. Scary man gave him a treat for coming back over too, scary man was nice. Ooh red button. JB sniffed it.

"That's right, this is an alert button," a woman said. Q was paying rapt attention. "It calls a medical team." She threw a pillow hard.  "Merlin fell down the stairs, hit the button," she said. She did a thing with her hand. But if the pillow was Not Dad, he needed licks to feel better. He ran over to the pillow and began to lick.

"Heel," Scary man called. 

JB thought he did the wrong thing.

You hit the button when M falls. Then you check on him, Q explained.

All day they practiced the button, even though Q did it right every time.

JB cheered him on, that totally helped. Oooh the other dogs were getting ball time. He ran to play.

Q never took his eyes off his trainers. Learning this would make him a good dog for M. He would do anything for M.

*******************************************

Q couldn't quite understand why these people were hurt like this. He had moved past his initial practice training and was now with real people. But they were broken people. His M wasn't broken, not last he had seen him. But G had said this would help Q help Merlin so he helped steady the person getting out of the wheelchair. 

Other times he pushed a wheelchair towards people. He learned how to roll the thing they stuck onto their leg where it was missing. Q hadn't know people could have missing parts. It took a few days for him to realize that maybe M was like this now. That M was missing pieces.

But Q thought it would be easy, he also found the missing mitten in the house, he would find M's missing part and then they would put him back together. He would get lots of treats for that. 

It took him another couple days to realize that maybe when people lost parts you couldn't find them again.

When a man fell, Q helped him up. He watched a girl wheel by, JB in her lap both of them shouting. Q barked at JB to pay attention.

JB hopped down and helped Q.

Tried to help.

JB gave very good encouraging barks as Q learned his lesson and helped the man get back up.

He heard the woman say no dog had learned as quickly as Q.

Q thought that was silly, who wouldn't learn quick when their master needed them? M needed his good dog. Q would learn everything to be with M again.

*******************************************

Look, we get clothes, JB said. The woman was holding what looked sort of like their winter covers, but not.

Q stood at the ready.

JB stood beside him.

"Q, you are such a good dog," the woman praised. "You have done such good work. Let's see if this fits you. You will be an amazing help to your master." She carefully put the service dog vest on Q.

JB thought he looked quite smart. He waited for his fancy vest too. The woman just looked at him. "You failed," she said plainly.

JB whimpered. He didn't get to help Not Dad, but he loved Not Dad too. Okay maybe he got a little bored learning how to open drawers but he was little and they were so very high up. He couldn't stop the crying. And then Scary Man hugged him. JB sank into the hug and felt something. He looked and it was a vest in his size. But it had something stuck to it. He sniffed about it.

"JB, I have a very important job for you," Scary Man said. JB listened carefully. "Q is going to be very busy helping Merlin, so I am going to need you to take care of Q. Make sure that he rests and eats, and does remember to play. Can you do that for me? Can you take care of Q while he takes care of Merlin?"

JB began to lick Scary Man's face. He could do that! He was really good at that sort of care. He always made sure Dad was warm and happy and he could definitely make sure Q was able to be the good dog he was. JB felt the vest being put on and barked. He was so happy. 

"Alright, let's go to the estate and see your masters," Scary Man said.

JB and Q ignored orders and ran to the front of the house and tried to get in the car and drive away themselves.

*********************************************

They followed G down the hall and M ignored the stares. He knew a few of the people but didn't care. He was sure M was near. JB was quivering at the thought of seeing Dad and Not Dad again. Q was staying focused, he thought this was maybe another test.

G stopped at a door and went in. Men quickly ran out. Q huffed a little. G wasn't that scary. The door was open a little and they could hear E and M. 

They could hear their family.

"Looks like you could use some help." Tristan said mildly. He opened the door and gestured into the hall. "Help your masters."

Q went forward and looked around. Papers were never supposed to be on the ground, he began to nudge them in a pile. He then went to M.

M was in one of those chairs with the wheels. Q looked and realized he was like those broken people he had been working with. M was missing his leg and his hand was wrong and his face had a scar. Q leaned against the chair and whined a little. He didn't care it was his M.

Eggsy looked at Tristan. "Where's JB then? Bet he did good too."

JB hurried in and ignored whatever Scary Man was saying, it was probably just about how awesome he was. He ran to Dad and barked when he was hugged and licked Dad. He loved Dad so much. He then remembered his job and wiggled to be put down.

You okay, JB asked Q. He looked at Not Dad and nuzzled the leg. He had missed Not Dad.

I have M, I am fine, Q barked to JB.

JB ran back over to Dad after having performed his duty.

Merlin hugged Q, "Good dog," he whispered.

Q licked his fingers so very very gently. Of course he was a good dog for M. He was M. He was all that mattered. He sat and watched and waited for M to need him. He could wait forever.

For M, he could easily wait forever.

Q was a good service dog.


	100. The Many Loves of Mister Eggsy Unwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teeny tiny snapshots of everyone Eggsy has and does love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just....holy hell, how are we at 100 chapters? This is because of all you dear readers. Thanks for your participation in this universe.

"Daddy!" Eggsy shouted and ran. Lee picked him up and spun him around. "You look like an action figure." Lee smoothed his uniform down. "You gonna stop the bad guys?"

"Of course I am," Lee said and kept spinning him around. "And I think I will start with whatever evil monsters have set up camp under bed while I've been gone."

Eggsy gasped happily. "It has three heads, Daddy. But only two teeth. But they are long and sharp."

"Well, you have nothing to fear, my little egg. Daddy is always going to scare the monsters away." Lee put Eggsy on his shoulders and they walked up to the flat.

Eggsy hugged tight. His Daddy was the bestest hero ever.

******************************************

Eggsy carefully iced his mother's eye.

"I am so sorry that he doesn't see that you are magic," Eggsy said.

Michelle laughed harshly. "Ain't no magic here."

Eggsy just hugged her.

He knew she was magic no matter what she thought right now. She just had to find it again.

******************************************

"God, shut that baby up," Dean slurred.

Eggsy was walking with Daisy. "She's teething she can't help it."

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed his whiskey. "Just give her some of this and it will knock her out and give her peace." He approached the bottle moving wildly in his hand.

Eggsy very carefully put Daisy in the stroller and put it just outside the door. He turned and just rammed Dean into the wall. 

"I'll gut you," Dean said.

"I don't fucking care, yeah. Not if it gets this through your head - she is never ever hurt by you," Eggsy snarled. "That perfect baby never gets touched by all the shit that you float in, that you are."

"You don't fucking talk to me like that," Dean said bluffing, because in this moment he was honestly a little scared of Eggsy.

"Dean, you stay the fuck away from Daisy. Mum and I got her covered you hear?"

"Whatever," Dean said.

Eggsy nodded and went outside and walked Daisy for hours singing to her until she fell asleep.

He did it every night for a month.

********************************************

"Gemma," Eggsy whispered as he held her close. Her skin was smooth and soft and she was just amazing.

He ran a hand up and down her back and tried to will himself to love her the way she wanted.

He kissed her head.

"Gemma," he repeated and loved her with everything that he could. 

********************************************

"Oh Eggsy," Mrs. Carson sighed. "Another 'car accident'?"

Eggsy flushed a little. "No, I were mugged."

Doris coughed, "Bullshit." They all ignored it.

Sarah and Liz helped him settle onto the couch. Eggsy tried to knit but the painkillers and soothing talk of his friends made him tired.

Besides nowhere better than his girls and the yarn shop.

Safest place he ever felt.

He passed out and the women covered him up in a blanket and closed the store to give him peace and quiet.

**********************************************

"Just stay bloody still," Eggsy said. He kicked Harry's shin.

"You are dreadful at this."

"Yeah well Merlin is busy making sure Kay doesn't die, so you are stuck with me." Eggsy reached for the eye patch and was swatted away.

"I can do this myself," Harry groused.

"Oh, so you put your drops in this morning or last night then?" Eggsy asked. "I go down to R&D and properly weigh this bottle it will be lighter from usage?"

"Yes," Harry said stuffily.

"Right, here I go then." Eggsy stood up and headed for the door.

"Fine, put the damn drops in," Harry said. He crossed his arms and glared at Eggsy.

"You going to help me at all?"

"No," Harry smiled.

"Fair enough," Eggsy feinted and when Harry misjudged tackled the man. He got the eye patch off and the eye drops in. He snapped the patch back in place a little harshly. "Was that so bloody hard?"

"You hurt me!" Harry said shocked. "I will have at least two bruises."

"Well don't be a fucking berk about the eye drops," Eggsy shouted.

"You...you weren't fragile with me," Harry said. He looked so happy. "Everyone is so careful, just because I got shot in the head and perhaps maybe died for a second."

"You're Harry Hart ain't you?" Eggsy said.

"I am indeed." Harry stood just a little straighter.

**************************************************

Eggsy stood beside Merlin and hugged the coat tight. He stared at Merlin, surprised it wasn't the corset tonight.

Merlin grinned at him. "You've seen it twice already, had to shake it up," Merlin said standing there easily in the pearls and grey smock. "Have to shake the Frankenfurter up sometimes."

Eggsy grinned. "I love how much you love this movie."

Merlin waved at the 18 year old down a bit who had finally come to a viewing all dressed up.

"It's summer aren't ye warm in that coat Eggsy?"

"I'm fine," Eggsy was terrified.

They went into the cinema and sat in the middle. Merlin looked at Eggsy with such a happy grin. Like it was their first midnight show together of Rocky Horror, not their sixth.

Eggsy stripped off the coat and showed his Columbia cosplay. 

Merlin's grin changed from blindly happy to something else entirely.

If dressing in this much sparkle didn't show how much he loved the man, nothing would.

And screw it Eggsy looked bloody fantastic.

***************************************************

Roxy and Eggsy were in a shoot out. It was looking nasty and they were running low on bullets.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit," Roxy shouted. "I hate when they have dogs." 

"You can shoot dogs just fine," Eggsy shouted back.

"Fuck you," she said and sure enough shot two the dogs that were racing towards them.

Merlin was in their ear. "I'm sorry but the best chance you two have is to run and jump out the window 10 metres south."

"The window that has a man in fucking Iron Man armor in front of it?" Eggsy screamed.

"Aye."

"Son of a bitch," Eggsy groaned. He and Roxy looked at each other and squared their shoulders. "Lancelot."

"Galahad," she nodded to him.

"Fuck it, we live you can have my jizz to make a baby with Sarah."

Roxy looked at him. "Oh you are so living now."

They jumped over the barrier.

******************************************************

"I don't like you," Eggsy said. They sat in the pub and Sean was paying a good bit of attention to the footie game on the screen. He ignored that, it was just how Eggsy started their conversations. It had been Eggsy who had texted him just saying  _help_.

Sean knew Eggsy was all messed up by the secrets that were shook out from Merlin's accident and the poor kid just didn't know who to talk to. Sean didn't expect them to actually talk, he figured Eggsy just needed an hour away from people who would want him to talk. So Sean bought them pints and crisps and sat there and watched the bar telly.

Eggsy sipped his pint and said nothing.

Sean did the same.

"How's being a footie coach going?" Eggsy asked finally as they got their second pints.

Sean smiled happily. "The girls made me a flower crown. I almost have the goalie not scared of the ball, and one girl understanding offside. Your sister of course is kicking ass and taking names." He sounded like such a proud papa and he didn't care. Daisy was going to murder people when she had a proper match.

"I remember my Da," Eggsy said out of nowhere. "Some specifics and feelings. Luckily she don't remember Dean at all." Eggsy nodded a little. "Good she is getting to build good memories. Good she has a Da."

Sean felt himself flush a little. "You are going to be alright Eggsy." He watched Eggsy relax a little. He didn't add any advice or anything more. Eggsy didn't need that.

"Yeah? It's going to be okay?" Eggsy sounded like a child.

"Different, but yeah, it's going to be okay," Sean looked at the screen. "Oi you fucking wankers, stop the flopping, my 5 years olds take better hits than that and keep going. Bloody idiots."

Sean didn't react when Eggsy gave him a quick but strong hug. "Thanks," Eggsy whispered. He then quickly backed away. "I still don't like you."

Sean smiled into his beer. He had figured out a long time ago that that was Eggsy's way of saying that he liked Sean a lot and was happy the man was a part of the family.

**************************************************

There are no words that can express the purity of the love Eggsy has for JB.

**************************************************

Alexander was throwing up. A lot. And was woozy. The floor was spinning. But cold. He lay down on it.

"Mixed beer and hard stuff didn't you?" Eggsy asked.

"Shfdajfdkt aslkf;ssd."

"Yeah, a lesson every man has to learn. Pick a poison and stick with it," Eggsy said. He grabbed a wash cloth and cleaned Alexander up a little.

"Arm hurts," Alexander managed to say. "Help."

Eggsy paused. "You sure?"

Alexander groaned and hoisted himself up enough to throw up, but he missed and got some on the arm. "Awww, ew."

Eggsy waited until the sick was done and then helped Alexander take the arm off. He put it in the shower to clean later. He helped Alexander stay up and the boy was sick some more.

"Why are you doing this?" Alexander asked in between dry heaves.

"Because I love your stupid teen dramatic arse," Eggsy muttered, sure Alexander wouldn't remember the declaration in the morning.

Alexander did.

****************************************************

"Oh you are so beautiful," Eggsy purred. "Look at you, all that soft and pretty. Who are you doing to be? Are you going to fight me or will be friends you sexy thing?"

Alexander walked by the door and just kept walking. He went to where Merlin and Daisy were watching a movie. "Dad 2 is doing the thing again." He flopped onto the couch.

"Did he call it his precious?"

"Nope, just sex talking the yarn," Alexander said. "You not satisfying him enough old man?"

Merlin grinned at him. "He's too busy in bed to run off his mouth."

Alexander winced, "Yeah brought that on myself."

Eggsy came running in. "It wants to be a hat for Owain. With a big tacky pompom on top." He crashed next to Merlin and began to cast the yarn on.

The family settled in to watch their movie in perfect harmony, everyone under the blankets Eggsy had made for them.


	101. Coach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set a good bit in the future a moment between Daisy and Sean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://knitter-eggsy-universe.tumblr.com/post/163905921685/jessica-bones-winchester-rupert-graves-in-fast
> 
> Here is the link to a gifset. Now that is not the fancast of Daisy - but this just struck me as such a Daisy and Sean moment that I had to explore it.
> 
> This is set in the window between when Daisy had moved in with Eggsy and Merlin, but was not yet being home schooled by the entire Kingsman family.

Daisy was breathing slowly and watching all the people in the sports centre and trying not to panic. She honestly didn't think her school team would make it to the national track and field championships; their coach was an idiot. But up until he had left Sean had quietly been coaching Daisy and a few of the other girls, making sure they were running smart, running safe. 

Daisy had switched from footie to track and field when she was ten, realizing she had always liked the running more than the kicking. She knew Sean had been a little sad, the man loved footie more than anything except her mum, but he had understood. And he was there at all her meets and helping her train and learn. One night when she couldn't sleep she had found him watching videos online and making notes on how to help her best. And she got good, really good. And now she and the other girls were here. In this huge space with lights and noise and no Sean.

The coach was rambling on and saying stupid shite as usual. The man really had no idea about track. Gymnastics sure, but budget cuts had put him with them. When he sort of wandered off, Daisy looked at the rest of their team. They were all staring at her and waiting. 

"Right, what would Sean tell us?" Daisy asked.

"We aren't running against anyone but the clock, the other people don't matter, it isn't about beating them, it is about beating our record," one girl said.

Another chimed in, "Have your hair decently tied back, you don't want to somehow blind yourself accidentally."

One cracked a smile, "Sports bras, good sports bras, ladies because you don't want to be focusing on boob pain."

"Oi, you are supposed to turn bright red when you say 'boobs' and then start rambling about whether you'll be arrested because you said the word boobs to a group of 14 year old girls," another shouted out and the whole team laughed.

Daisy nodded. "And he would tell us all that he is proud of us, proud of the work we did, and he'll be proud whether we come in first or last because we went out there and stepped the fuck up." Daisy picked up the clipboard that their Coach had left behind. "Right, Mags and Beth, you are up first for 100 metres. Hannah, you are supposed to be over there with the long distance people. Go on and I'll catch up. Everyone else, get ready. We cheer each other on, and leave heads high, yeah?"

"Yeah!" All the girls cheered and clapped and their coach came back over.

"Hey, that's mine," he said.

"Oh go drink from that flask in your pocket and leave us alone, I've got this," Daisy said. She stared the man down with her best Merlin glare and he said something about talking to another coach.

Daisy had an hour until her first race so she kept the team going, moving everyone in place, cheering when Beth came in second, helping a girl who sprained her ankle. She knew Merlin and Eggsy were out there in the crowd but she had told them to just be like normal families for once. 

"Daisy, your heat is coming," Mags said and took the clipboard. "You should stretch."

"Science has shown, stretching isn't -"

"As important as they say. Some is good, but you have to be careful that you don't over strain before hand," Sean finished behind Daisy. He was in a leather jacket and his hair was a bit of a mess.

"Popsicle!" Daisy shouted and threw herself into his arms. "You made it."

"Broke a few laws to do it, but wasn't going to miss this Daisy," Sean said and squeezed her tight. "Your mum found Eggsy and Merlin. Right so 800m yeah?"

"Yeah, been up against most of these girls, Edna is the main competition," Daisy pointed. "Remember her?"

"Runs with the elbows sticking out," Sean stared at her. "Right, you got this."

"Sean, I'll make the finals, but I'm not beating them, no way."

"You aren't running against them, you are running against yourself and the clock," Sean said.

"I know but -" Daisy shrugged. "I really want to win."

"So win," Sean answered.

"Right, that simple," Daisy stared at him.

Sean's hands gestured more, they always did when he was wound up. "You think skill is what brought me home back in the day?" He shook his head. "It is just balls to the wall determination. Spite, Rage, Determination, whatever fuels you is what gets you to your extraction point, to the finish line. Skill and training is what brought you here. What's in your heart and gut is what brings you home. Lean forward, don't shorten your stride, go steady for the first four hundred and then crush them beneath your feet." Sean cupped her face and kissed her brow. "My girl leaves everyone in the dust."

Daisy took off her jacket and gave it to him. Sean nodded to her as she stood at the blocks and got ready. He was not surprised when she made the finals and the whole team cheered her on as she poured in everything she had and came in third. She came in third at a national competition. She fucking rocked.

Sean had her a few seconds after the finish line and was spinning her around.

"Fuck, I am so proud of you," Sean said. "Don't tell your mum I said the F word around all you girls. All of you did great too, so proud of all of you." The whole team swarmed Sean and it was a giant group hug. And later when it was time for a group photos with medals and trophies, the school coach found himself locked in a stall in the loo so that the real coach could be in the photo.

"Hey, Sean, Boobs!" one of the girls called out and they all giggled as he turned bright red.

"Watch it or I'll steal the cuterus off of this one's brother, and also start teaching sex ed," Sean said. All the girls groaned. "All lot of the same principles cross over, track to sex ed."

Daisy couldn't stop herself from asking. "How?"

"Well a bit of stretching but not too much can be useful, and girls should always come first." There were tomatoes that were less red than Sean but he was grinning.

"Oooh," the girls all said.

"Yeah, yeah, go on with you," Sean shooed them all away to their families who were waiting to celebrate. He looked at Daisy. "Use to carry you on my shoulders when you kicked ass."

Daisy wrapped herself around him and they began to walk. "You came," she said.

"The family made choices, Daisy, and if I had mine, you'd be touring the world with your mother and I, but you wanted to stay in London and we understand that. And we are having a grand adventure. But you? You matter more than any museum or scenery." Sean kissed her head. "My daughter needs me, I am here. That simple."

"Thanks, Popsicle," Daisy said.

"I saw that elbow you threw at Edna by the way," he commented.

"What elbow?" Daisy blinked innocently.

"That's my girl," Sean said and let go so her mother and brother could hug her.


	102. Hamish's Smoking Jacket of Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had to write about the orange jacket at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i embedded a picture of the orange jacket because well reasons ;)

Owain went carefully into Harry's office. "Sir, I think we have a problem," he said.

Harry looked at him in surprise, scared was not a common look on Owain's face. "Sit, what is the matter agent?"

"It's Hamish, Arthur, I think he might have cracked or something."

Harry raised a brow. "I don't understand. Is this a personal matter?"

Owain quickly shook his head. "Nah, personal be talking about it Wednesday night or with Da Bomb Squad over pints." Owain took a breath. "Sir, three bolts of satsuma orange velvet arrived and he actually cackles and said  _yes good, now I will have my revenge._ " Owain bit his lip. "He did evil fingers sir. Honest to god evil fingers."

Harry paused. "Right, I will go check this out, I am sure it is just for Halloween decorations or something, it is a year, Eggsy gets his party again."

Owain nodded and walked away, wanting to burn fear off in the gym.

Harry went over to the shop where Hamish's new assistant was in the front organizing a new window display. "Hello," Harry said.

"In the back, I am staying well out of it," was the answer he got.

Harry was increasingly worried. He went back to Hamish and paused. "Good lord, Owain was underselling the colour." He had a thought. "Did I pay for that monstrosity?"

"I have seen some of the clothes you wear when left to your own devices, sir, maybe we don't comment on this?" Hamish suggested and he lay a pattern on the spread fabric.

"No, if Kingsman money paid for that, I get to comment."

"My personal funds, sir," Hamish assured him. "Best 1000 pounds I have spent in a long time."

"A thousand pounds?" Hamish felt his eye widen in shock. "For that?"

"I had to have it custom dyed, to a colour I created. Patone was quite excited to add it to their books," Hamish said happily. He began to cut. "And I have just enough for everyone."

Harry gulped and understood Owain's fear. "Everyone?"

Hamish grinned at him. "Welcome to the official, professional, Kingsman jacket of shame. I have just enough fabric for every agent and a few of the more bothersome staff." He did his evil laugh, and Harry had no problems doing a strategic retreat.

*************************************************

The betting among the Kingsman was fast and furious about who would be the first to have to wear the orange. Most of the money went on Gawain or Bedievere so those two were the ones who destroyed their Kingsman suits the most. Lowest was Owain, because they all agreed Hamish loved the boy too much to make him suffer. No one had seen the finished jackets, but frankly they all lived in fear for months.

*************************************************

Hamish smiled at his two guests and poured them tea. "Gentlemen, thank you for coming."

Eggsy smiled back at Hamish. "Sure, what's up?"

Merlin knew not to be quite so calm. "Whatever you think we did, we did nae do," he said swiftly.

"Oh of course, of course," Hamish agreed. He sipped his own tea and stroked the mannequin arm on the table, like he was a Bond villain with a cat. "Now, then could you tell me what happened to Eggsy's grey suit?"

"Bomb," Merlin said quickly.

Hamish sipped some more tea. "Eggsy would you care to comment?"

Eggsy stared at him. "Never said fuck all to the filth in interrogation, ain't saying shit to ya bruv," he answered and crossed his arms.

"Interesting, a slip into your old vernacular would suggest you do in fact have a a comment." Hamish put his tea cup down. And glared at them. "A Tide stick?" He looked furious. "You used a Tide stick on one of my suits, like you were Deadpool at the laundromat?"

"You like Deadpool?" Eggsy asked surprised.

"Not the time, agent," Merlin muttered.

"How can you even tell?" Eggsy asked. "Not that I am admitting anything," he added quickly.

"Because like all agents you bring your suits to me for cleaning, and as ever, because I respect my jobs and your lives, I do a thorough inspection of the material." Hamish stood and put his fists on the table.

Merlin and Eggsy both thought he looked more terrifying than any agent in that moment.

"With the treatment that Pilar puts on the fabric, a Tide stick causes an adverse reaction as causes a cloudy spot to grow on the fabric," Hamish said. "They are a cheap, crass tool, meant for clothes from Marks and Sparks and not the wardrobe that I put 50 hours into for a single jacket!" He was roaring by the end. "I'd rather you have come back shredded like Gawain than that abomination. How did you not use club soda, like most people?"

"Well the jizz had already dried, club soda only good for fresh stains," Eggsy said unthinking.

Merlin groaned and knew they were screwed.

"You..." Hamish couldn't even think of words. "You what masturbated in one of my suits and didn't use your pocket square?" Hamish looked at Merlin. "Oh, it was both of you fooling around. Well then you both can be punished. I have a look for you both that you will wear tomorrow, all day, while out and about in London."

Merlin opened his mouth.

"If you say no, I swear to god, you will not like the results," Hamish warned. He picked up his shears and pointed them at the two men. "You really wouldn't."

They nodded.

************************************************

"I don't get it," Owain said to Hamish. They were watching a camera feed of Merlin and Eggsy out at lunch in black trousers and tees, with the orange smoking jacket over top. 

"What is to get Mr. Donovan?" Hamish asked. He sipped an early glass of wine, pleased at what he was watching.

"Well they are cut perfectly, and if they were a different colour would look crazy good," Owain said. He watched Merlin hold Eggsy's hand. "And...they're kind of pulling them off? Like they look like idiots, but not total prats."

"Of course, I would never cut something poorly, or make it look deliberately trashy," Hamish said.

"So how is it a jacket of shame?" Owain asked. "People are checking them out." The more he watched, the more he thought the two men looked sort of spectacular.

"Wait for it," Hamish said.

An hour later Sin came into Hamish's domain. "Uh...how much for the orange jacket?" he asked.

Owain stared at him in shock. "But it can be seen from space!"

Sin shrugged. "It is an attractive jacket and the colour makes you stand out. Hamish knows what he is doing." He looked to the tailor. "So how much?"

Hamish grinned sharply. "They are not for sale."

"But -"

"Taliesin, they are not for sale, and will never be for sale. No Kingsman will ever wear one except at my discretion and amusement." Hamish broke out his evil fingers. "They were the perfect models you see, because they can always look incredible, but neither wear a jacket as easily as some others. And just imagine how well you could carry it off, how Allison would enjoy how it makes your shoulders look. And you will never ever wear it, because you will never please or displease me enough to warrant it."

Owain and Sin stared at him.

"Gentlemen, I have work, good day." Hamish retreated to the back office. He was quite pleased with himself. He knew the agents, and there was no torture for them greater than denying them something they were made to desire.

He had, thanks to Eggsy and Merlin, made his orange jacket of shame both the carrot and stick in behaviour for the Kingsman. Because the agents would either loathe it or covet it, depending on their personality. 

Owain's dark side seemed to be rubbing off on Hamish, he was getting down right diabolical.

And Hamish had plans to see Owain in just the jacket one night.

And he at least would know not to use a bloody Tide stick.


	103. Listen to My Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vague idea of a chapter, little short thing that really applies to any of our agents (except one of course)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a really short thing that popped into my head

_Agent, just listen to my voice._

_Slow your breath and listen to me._

_Listen to my voice._

_Trust me._

_Agent you will get out of their alive. I will nae leave you, we are together until the end and that end is you at the extraction point and coming home._

_You are coming home._

_Blood replenishes, wounds heal, and you will find your way._

_Listen to my voice, Agent._

_A Kingsman is not considered out numbered by the amount surrounding your position, you can and will make it through._

_I have an exit plan and I promise ye it will work. I am your Merlin and I will bring you home._

_Breathe agent, and listen to my voice._

_Get ready. I am with you._

 

And then there is Harry.

_Listen you fucking annoying prat, ye got yourself into that situation and ye can get yourself the fuck out of it._

_Stop your whinging, it is too your fault ye bastard and no I don't see why I should do my job to help your sorry arse._

_No, no I'm not fucking hacking the system to unlock that door for you, not when if ye had just listened to me you wouldn't have gotten locked in that fucking room in the first place._

_Prick._

_Fine. You know what?_

_Fine._

_I'll save your sorry, flat arse just so that I can rub it in your face that yet again you cocked something easy up and needed my help._

_This isn't my job you pillock, not when you deliberately do something stupid! My job is to create a plan and guide the agents, it is nae my fault that you are an idiot._

_I should not expect it - you would think after all this time even your intellectually deficient brain would learn to actually listen to me._

_Now I am hacking the locks, go out the south door._

_THE SOUTH DOOR YOU TWAT._

_Die then, see if I care._

_Oh will you just fucking turn left already?_

_Listen to my voice agent, when you are out of this situation, I will kill you myself._


	104. Not that kind of Footie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy thinks he and Merlin need to be more cozy on their nights off and buys them appropriate clothing.  
> https://www.foreverlazy.com/adult-onesies-skulls-pajamas.html link to what eggsy buys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set whenever you want to imagine it really but before daisy and alexander move in

Merlin smiled at the brightly wrapped package on the table. "It's not my birthday, or an anniversary." Merlin paused in horror and thought quickly. "Is it?"

"Nope, just an idea I had and thought what the heck, why not wrap it up?" Eggsy was downright cheerful.

"Well, I am very intrigued," Merlin tore open the box. He stared at the fabric. "I don't get it." He pulled the item out. And stared. And stared some more. "I really don't understand. Do you hate me? Is this a new sort of trouble?" He paused. "Is this the new booty shorts of shame?"

"Wot?" Eggsy laughed. "No, this is a treat."

"This is - " Merlin had no words.

"It has skulls, so it is totally badass," Eggsy rocks on his heels. "Thought about the ninjas, but that felt a little too on point. And saving the one that makes you look like Chewie for our anniversary."

"Lad..." Merlin just kept staring.

"Look at all that fleecy goodness. How comfy will you be on our at home night, playing your thingie in that?" Eggsy asked. He internally sighed when Merlin didn't rise to the bait of calling his game thingie.

"It has feet."

"Well yeah, what's the point if it doesn't encase your toes?" 

Merlin turned it around. "Oh look a bum flap, that will make the trip to the loo easier," Merlin snarked.

"You hate it," Eggsy said sadly.

"I don't understand it," Merlin answered back. "It's -"

"Footie pajamas." 

"Yes. Yes it is." Merlin shook it a little but that didn't change what the object was. "With a hood too, I might add."

"Well sure, be nice and warm head to toe." Eggsy smiled at him and it was a dangerous smile.

"I love ye Eggsy, more than you will ever comprehend. I would die for you," Merlin promised. "But I will nae wear these."

"Bet you will," Eggsy countered and disappeared down the hall. He returned a couple minutes later. "Ta Da!"

"Oh god, ye bought us a matching set," Merlin said in horror.

"Come on, guv, I look fucking adorable," Eggsy said and spun around, showing off like he was on the runway.

"You look like an idiot," Merlin muttered and then added, "who is adorable."

"Promise won't take any photos," Eggsy said.

"I would kill you for that," Merlin answered.

"Feel that material, isn't it soft?" Eggsy crooned. He came over to Merlin and snuggled into him. "Don't you want to be all soft and cozy?"

"My jumpers are soft and cozy," Merlin pointed out.

"And how many layers under them?" Eggsy asked. "Merlin, let go of the job."

"I do," Merlin protested.

"Not all the way, and this is our night together, movie night, or more we put on a movie and you game and I knit, and the world is defended by others. We let go. This are our sign of letting go." Eggsy kissed his jaw. "Be a little silly with me."

"This is a lot of silly Eggsy," Merlin said softly. "Can't you just knit me a blanket?"

"I've knit you five."

"It is just so..."

"Absurd," Eggsy filled in. "Because you know what, you and I deserve some absurd. Five minutes and then if you hate it, you can take it off, and i'll put on the blue corset and cut you up a bit."

Merlin started stripping immediately.

Eggsy didn't point out that Merlin had put the hood up of his own choice. And that he was using that lowered hood to mutter about bringing down the wrath of hell on 15 year old kids in the game in a menacing way. And that in a blink of an eye 3 hours had passed and Merlin was still sitting cozy in his fleecy footie pajamas. Eggsy smiled and kept working on his project.

"Mother fucker where did that cable go?" Eggsy shouted as he looked down at his hands. He cursed more even as he frogged.

*******************************

The wore the footies every Sunday night that they could and Merlin had even stopped bitching for show about putting them on. 

When Eggsy was gone for a month and when he returned, Merlin kissed his wounds and then dressed them both in the footies to cuddle and watch an old movie.

*******************************

Merlin was screaming at his guild and Eggsy was working on socks when there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Eggsy said swiftly, sure that Merlin wouldn't want to be seen in the footies. It was a new pair, the first ones worn out. Merlin had been the one to pick them out, they were covered in cocktail glasses.

"Nae, you are counting stitches, and my rogue needs to learn to cover their flank more!" Merlin roared into his mic and then threw it off and stalked to the door.

"Harry," Merlin said when he opened the door.

Harry stared dumbfounded at what Merlin was wearing.

"What do ye want, we're busy," Merlin said.

"I...what are you wearing?"

"Pajamas," Merlin said. "It is Sunday night and these are what we wear. Now again what do you want?"

"Michael and I had a row," Harry said.

Merlin rolled his eyes and just walked back into the house and upstairs. Harry headed into the living room and saw Eggsy. "Good lord you two match."

"Course we do," Eggsy said like it was obvious. "Now shut up counting," he whispered numbers to himself until he finished the round. "What's up, Harry?"

"We fought a bit," Harry said. "Seriously though, matching?"

"Shut up, here's your set," Merlin threw a pair at Harry.

Harry looked at them in horror. Merlin picked up his headphones again and sat down at his laptop.

"Super comfy, Harry," Eggsy said.

"I will not," Harry was quite affronted.

"You want to bitch and stay, you put them on," Merlin said. 

Harry looked at them. "Does one keep their pants on in these?" 

"Up to you really, we're both flying free," Eggsy said.

"Appalling," Harry muttered.

"Our junk of the jammies?" Eggsy asked.

"Either," Harry said and left.

Eggsy and Merlin exchanged a look. "10 quid," Eggsy said swiftly.

"20," Merlin replied.

10 minutes later, Harry came out in the footies. "There better be a real cocktail glass to go along with these."

Eggsy was the one to get up this time and made Harry a drink. He'd get Merlin his money in the morning.

"Come on, best thing ever to touch your bare bottom, innit?" Eggsy asked.

"No that would be Michael's favourite paddle, but these are tolerable I suppose." Harry sipped his martini. "Put on My Fair Lady, already."

"Sure, Harry," Eggsy agreed.

Michael arrived just as Eliza was shouting move your blooming arse and Harry was quite tipsy. He took one look at all the matching pajamas. "Well?" he asked.

"In the guest room, get your own set," Merlin said sleepily. He head was on Harry's lap, legs on Eggsy's.

Michael went upstairs and came down in the footies. "I quite like these," he said.

"Thank you!" Eggsy shouted. Finally someone got it.

Michael settled on the floor near Harry.

Harry immediately dumped Merlin off his lap and pulled Michael up into a tight hug.

Merlin decided to just fall asleep on the floor.

The footies really were the most comfortable things ever.

 


	105. The Pen is Mightier than the Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a request for Bors being captured and doing the classic getting stripped of weapons moment.

"How, exactly is this a rescue, bruv?" Eggsy was tied to a chair and stared as Bors was brought in by three guards at gun point.

"All part of my plan," Bors said happily.

"Yeah..." Eggsy drawled out. "What was that plan?"

"Find you, get to you, something something, go home and make out with hot spouses."

"Got a bit bogged down in the something something, yeah?" Eggsy asked.

"Well sure, slight hiccup, but hey I did find you, and get to you, so pretty on track all in all," Bors stumbled forward as he was hit with a gun. "Ow, watch it two more concussions and I have to retire."

"Retire? We're going to kill you after you tell us who sent you," one of the guards snarled. "Now give up all your weapons."

Bors rolled his eyes. "They do that to you?"

"Nah, hate to say it but they got the drop on me, hence the me in my pants?" Eggsy looked down at himself.

"Huh, yeah, we went out both in suits, didn't we?" Bors finally noticed.

"Good god, how do they survive you?" Eggsy asked in awe.

"I'm charming," Bors said. Eggsy just gave him a look. "I've convinced them I'm the puppy that piddles but feels really bad about it." A guard hits him again. "Alright, alright," Bors said.

"The suit jacket off," one ordered and Bors took it off and draped it carefully over a chair. They see the double holsters and strip him of the guns. "Pat him down," one ordered. He and the other stood guns at the ready.

Eggsy watched stunned as an ankle gun and knife were found, a garrote inside Bors's belt, four, FOUR, lighter grenades in his pockets, his wallet had six razor blades in it, bomb cufflinks, bomb tie clip, the watch obviously, and then Bors smiled. "Ooh you found the best one."

"He had a pen like this too," the guard pointed out.

"Mine's different than his, his is poison," Bors said. 

"Let me guess, bomb?" Eggsy said. "How did you have 6 bombs or grenades on you?"

"Actually 9 they didn't check the pockets of the coat, and nope my pen doesn't explode, it does something even cooler!" 

Eggsy was frankly scared at how happy Bors was. And he could tell the guards were too.

"What does it do?" the lead asked.

"Do?" Bors asked. "Oh it was already done when you pulled it from the pocket, now we just have to wait." He sat down. "You probably want the bit of C4 in my shoes too right?" He began to strip those off as well and then settled back into the chair. "If we're going to be interrogated, could we have a cuppa? It gets tiring on the throat."

"You're insane," a guard said.

Bors tilted his head. "No...no, the wife has run tests. Unhinged, but not insane. Oh you don't want to touch the pocket square, it has incendiary thread in it. Birthday gift from the missus." Bors winced when he was backhanded.

"Oi!" Eggsy shouted.

"It's okay Galahad," Bors said. "This will all be sorted soon."

"How?" the leader sneered. He's tied up and we have three guns on you. You going to cause some sort of distraction and then kung fu the three of us?"

"Fuck no, my hand to hand is shit, hence all the bombs." Bors shrugged. "No, see I'm a fucking idiot, but I know enough that when on a job in fucking London, near our back up, to call it in before I storm the fucking castle. And you? When you touched the tip there, lit up a fucking beacon and our rescue will be here any second." Bors tilted his chair back smug only he tipped it over. "Shit," he muttered from the ground.

Two of the guards approached to pick him up and the door behind them blew open and a can of gas flew in. Bors grabbed his coat and covered his and Eggsy's head. "Hah and you thought something something wouldn't work," he whispered.

"Wot exactly is something something?" Eggsy asked. There were shouts and all of a sudden.

"Where the fuck is my moron of a husband?" a woman's voice shouted. 

"I was about to ask the same damn thing," a man added. "Getting caught by shitty arms runners? Jesus, they are better than this."

"You called our spouses?" Eggsy said.

"Well sure, I haven't seen her in tactical gear in a while and it is almost my birthday. So you know," Bors wiggled his brows, but in the shadow of his coat Eggsy couldn't see it. "Come on, Merlin in a bullet proof vest is gotta be hot?"

Eggsy dropped the coat a little and looked. He chocked on the smoke a bit but there was Merlin knocking out a guard and Pilar slitting a man's throat. He ducked back under. "Yeah, okay, point."

"And this way the step four making out happens a little quicker. Bet Twitch drove them too," Bors sighed happily.

"Clear," Pilar called out.

"Clear," Merlin agreed.

Pilar turned on a small device that cleared the smoke a bit and Bors stepped back and untied Eggsy. He turned to his wife. "Hey gorgeous," he said. "Thanks for the rescue."

Pilar walked over and grabbed a fistful of his shirt fabric and pulled him in for a hard kiss. "Don't think I don't know what you were doing," she said. "Bloody princess. Collect all your gear, Twitch is worried in the car." She stalked out gun up and ready just in case. Bors began collecting all his gear, quickly jamming it in pockets and running after her.

Eggsy stood up and looked at Merlin. "Hey?"

"Pathetic," Merlin said.

"They weren't even supposed to be there."

Merlin rolled his eyes and kissed Eggsy. "Come along, agent."

"Did you find my clothes?"

"Walk in shame," Merlin said and turned and went to go to the car.

Eggsy shrugged and walked along in just his pants.


	106. Please Don't Be Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Michelle have a fight. Eggsy is the one who reacts poorly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things have been fluffy recently, let's change that shall we?  
> Warnings for heavily dealing with Michelle and Eggsy's relationship with Dean

"Hey, Mum, need to raid your makeup and nail polish," Eggsy called out as he left himself into her house. "Mum?" Usually she came running when she heard him, and he knew she shouldn't be at work right now. He heard a noise and pulled out his gun and made his way upstairs. He followed the noise to Michelle's bedroom. "Mum? Please don't be having sex?" he begged through the door. He froze when he heard a sniffle and maybe a sob and then kicked the door in ready to murder someone. Only his mum was in the room, huddled under her blankets a pile of tissues on the ground beside her.

"Oh jeez, Mum, catch a cold from Daisy? Me and Merlin caught it last week. Schools are germ factories." Eggsy went over and touched her forehead but there was no fever.

Michelle burrowed in some more and said something.

"Didn't hear that, Mum," Eggsy said and hoped that he was rubbing her back through the mountains of blankets.

"Me and Sean had a fight, and I said..." Michelle began to cry more. "I just said awful things and he just walked out. God, Eggsy what if he comes back mad? What if he doesn't come back? I love him," Michelle said. She reached a hand out and grabbed blindly for her phone. "I'll call and apologize. I'll cook his favourite and I'll make it up to him and never you mind, it's all okay and I can fix this." She began to ramble and Eggsy made sure she couldn't reach her phone. He kept rubbing her back soothingly as he unlocked her phone. He quickly scrolled the contacts and found Tristan.

 _mum sean fight. she's spiraling_ Eggsy texted.

 _20_ was the only response Eggsy got.

He went back to the top of the list, to Sean's name.  _meet me at my house in 45 or they never find your body E_. He didn't bother to look to see if there was a reply. He kept rubbing his Mum's back until the doorbell rang 19 minutes later. "Just answering that for you, Mum."

"Is it Sean?" Michelle perked up a little.

"No, I called Tristan," Eggsy kissed her head and went down to let him in.

Tristan took off his shoes and coat. "Is she hurt?"

Eggsy froze. "Shit I didn't even think of that." He ran back upstairs in a blind panic. "MUM! Where did he hurt you? Shit, a punch to the ribs, a smack or two? Did he -" 

Tristan was behind him. "I meant had she dehydrated herself, or muscle aches from crying." He looked at Eggsy with disappointment. "You know Sean better than that."

"I'm fine," Michelle called from the bed.

"Have you eaten?" Tristan asked.

Michelle shook her head. "We fought while I was cooking dinner, can't even remember what it was about." She began to sob harder and Tristan climbed into bed and held her close.

"Not all fights are created equal," he said softly and began to whisper to her.

Eggsy knew she was in the best possible care she needed right now and he had an appointment to keep and went back home. Q and JB were thrilled at the surprise visit and he let them out in the garden to play. You didn't give an angry man a target like dogs. He sat in his spot on his couch and hugged a Daisy stuffed animal close and tried to keep his breathing even. He had done this before, he could do it again. But Sean was different than Dean. Sean would hurt so much more than Dean. But he had been a Kingsman long before he wore the suit, the day he put himself in Dean's path to protect his mum. A life for another. No biggie. He could do this.

Eggsy wondered how long Sean had been knocking. He took a few more breaths to steady himself and went to open the door. He frowned. "Wot's wrong with you then?" he blurted out. Sean looked a wreck. After a fight, guy was supposed to be all smug and righteous anger, and puffed up ready to scrap. Sean only looked a little less shitty than his mum. "Come on, in," Eggsy said. He almost took them to the living room but that was a happy space and he didn't want Sean to hurt him in there. So he took the man to the kitchen. They both sat at the table and Eggsy just stared at him. "So you and Mum fought then," he said casually.

Sean nodded and rubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, it just. I was tired, and it is no excuse but we both said something sarcastic and then it all just got away from us" he sighed. "Fuck."

Eggsy nodded. "Right, so what happens now then?"

Sean frowned at him. "I don't understand." He looked at Eggsy and his eyes filled. "Your mum asked you to break up with me for her didn't she?" 

"If she did, how angry would that make you?" Eggsy leaned forward. "Want to get some of yours back?"

Sean shook his head. "If she doesn't want to see me that much, Tristan could gather my things at her place away."

Eggsy was confused. Sean should be furious right now, not look devastated. "She don't want that. She wants to make up, was ready to do anything to fix it." Come on Sean, he thought, take that and run with it like you want to.

Sean gave a hesitant smile. "I want that too," he said. "Making up...yeah that would be good. But I think she and I need to go over some ground rules, before we keep moving forward."

Eggsy's smile was a vicious thing, because there it was. "Your rules. On how she acts right? On what happens next time?"

Sean just stared at him in shock.

"Yeah I know how this plays out. And I'm going to not let that happen." Eggsy leaned forward. "Never going to let you hurt her."

"I wouldn't! I just meant -" Sean tried to get Eggsy to listen, but Eggsy wasn't seeing Sean at all anymore. Eggsy was a teen again and trying to make it all better, even though he never could.

"You bring it on me," Eggsy said swiftly. "It all comes down on me, yeah? Never on her. You get mad, you come punch me. She burns dinner, you don't burn her - you burn me. Whatever you need to do to treat her sweet, I can take it yeah? And goes double for Daisy." Eggsy stared at him. "You bring it all on me and treat them great and everyone is happy yeah?"

Sean leaned back in his chair a little and Eggsy saw his fists clench and nodded. "Yeah, good, you leave that anger here and it will all be set to rights. I'll even buy the flowers for you to bring to her." Eggsy sped up his breathing, trying to get his adrenaline going. Hits hurt less when you were worked up.

"If he wasn't already dead, I would very happily kill him," Sean snarled. "He dare made my boy think this how it is? I swear to all that is holy I would gut him if I could."

"Wot boy?"

Sean realized what he said and dismissed it quickly. "Nothing." Sean stood up and Eggsy did too. They circled the table and Eggsy waited for it. He didn't even flinch when he saw Sean's hands come up. It was for his mum and Daisy, so it was okay. It took him a couple minutes to realize that Sean was hugging him. "You are Eggsy," Sean whispered. "You are Galahad of the Kingsman. You bow your head to no one."

"We sacrifice to protect others," Eggsy said into his shoulder. "It's the job."

"Fuck, how is your heart that big?" Sean asked. "After everything how does it stay so open?"

"Thought yours was like that too, fucking cinnamon roll they all call you," Eggsy answered. "And now you want to hurt Mum. It starts with rules, don't it? And when she breaks them, you get madder and then you hurt."

"You and Merlin fight, does he ever hit?" Sean wouldn't let go of Eggsy just kept hugging him. 

"No," Eggsy said. "That's different."

"How?"

"It's Mum," Eggsy said. "All the men she loves hurt her. Dad died, Dean was Dean, and now we find out who you are."

"By rules, I meant we sit down with tea and talk about what actually upset us. I was still reeling from almost getting shot down picking up Ector on that botched mission. Your mother's boss is messing with everyone's hours at the tea shop, and she's exhausted from how sick Daisy's been this year. Bloody plague monkeys and their parents who don't actually keep kids home when they are sick." Sean started to rub a hand up and down Eggsy's back. "By rules I meant, I go for a walk, she has a shower and then we come back together say sorry and work through it."

"She works through it, you mean," Eggsy said.

"No, we is what I said and what I meant," Sean finally let Eggsy go a bit, but switched from the hug to cupping his face. "I will never physically or sexually hurt her. Ever. And the day I do, you don't offer yourself like a sacrifice - you put a fucking bullet in my head and call your husband to help you ditch the body."

"Do you know how much I want to believe you bruv?" Eggsy's voice was so small, a child's.

"Are you willing to get into a car with me?" Sean asked.

It took a minute but finally Eggsy nodded. They drove through the city until they reached the cemetery. Sean walked through easily and then sat down on the slightly wet grass. Eggsy eventually sat next to him. Sean moved a few leaves off the plaque on the ground. "I hurt her so much," Sean said slowly. "The rules, never could tell her about the job. International security manager for a hotel chain was my cover. She knew it was horseshit. But she never said anything, would just kiss every scar, every bruise and say thank you for coming home to me. I loved her so much and thought I was giving her everything, but the way Chester ran the place, being with your mother made me realize just how shortchanged my gorgeous and happy Nora was. And Chester is burning in hell that it was my father at her side when she died and not me." Sean looked at Eggsy. "I'm not the cleverest or the best fighter, I'm not a Kingsman who will go down in history as one of the greats. But I am a good man Eggsy, and I have been blessed by Him enough to have two women of great merit love me. And I have no intentions of fucking that up." Sean put his hand on the grave and his other over his heart. "I swear by all I believe in, I swear by Nora, no matter what, I won't ever hurt Michelle like he did."

Eggsy quickly wiped the tears away, hating them. He waited, but of course Sean didn't tease. 

Because Sean was a good man.

Eggsy leaned in a little and Sean took the hint and hugged him. "You ever bring Mum here?"

"She's come with me a couple times, yes," Sean said. "I come on Nora's birthday, our anniversary, a couple other times. Never the day she died."

"Should have made King's death hurt more," Eggsy muttered.

"I won't disagree on that," Sean said. They sat for a bit. "Okay this is getting rough on my back," he said finally.

Eggsy laughed a bit and they stood up. This time, he initiated the hug. "I don't hate you," he whispered. He has told Sean that before, but this time it felt different.

"I know, I've always known," Sean promised.

"Let's get you to Mum, get you guys all happy and shit," Eggsy said. They started walking to the car. "Hey, you ever going to actually marry her?"

"One day," Sean said. "Not soon, we like the pace we are going at. But one day."

Eggsy nodded. "Going to still tease you, kind of have gotten in the habit."

"That's fine," Sean agreed.

"You called me your boy, back at the house didn't you?"

Sean flushed just a little. "Harry's your Da, know that. Everyone knows that. But Daisy's in my heart, not unreasonable to put you in next to her."

"Not so bad, I suppose." Eggsy walked along beside Sean. "Thanks...for not being shitty."

Sean just smiled and drove them to Michelle's house to get it all fixed up.

And Eggsy smiled sincerely when he saw them hug.

Less sincerely when there was tongue in the kiss. It was a work in progress really.


	107. How to Touch Your Heart Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roughly present day. Morrvyd and Owain had to go on a mission that was at a sex vacation thing and in order to fulfill the mission had to sleep together at a sex party (first honeypot for either). This was difficult enough for them to manage and now they have come home and have to figure out how to talk to/be with their romantic partners. And each other.
> 
> A story in three parts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is about morrvyd coping with her first honeypot

Mikey could just see the plane descending. He fiddled with his arm brace, adjusting screws that didn't need adjusting.

"She don't mean nothing by it," Eggsy told him. Mikey had been all ready to comfort Gemma when she sent word that she didn't want him. She wanted Eggsy.

"I know. Mama always says when a girl is hurting don't take her security blanket away - you are her security blanket." Mikey tried to smile, but it hurt that his girl didn't want him to make it better. 

"Stay, at least see her," Eggsy suggested as the plane taxied. 

Mikey shook his head. "She sees me right now, she'll be pissed. Just take care of her. I'm going to go hang with Twitch and Jasper." Mikey walked down the hall and passed Hamish who was hurrying to meet Owain. For a second he wanted to kick at Hamish, that Owain wanted his boyfriend and Gemma didn't want him. But he didn't. He went to Twitch's office and let himself just focus on schematics. Eggsy would take care of Gemma. It'd be okay.

Eggsy stood there and waited. He remembered his first honeypot and was thankful that he hadn't already been dating Merlin when it happened. It had been bad enough when that had happened but he knew that this had a whole other level of wrong from Gemma and Jesse with how they had been trained to be siblings. Shit, he couldn't handle this. He needed to get Gemma into the Boudica maybe.

Gemma and Jesse came off the plane and there was a distance between them that hadn't been there since their training. Shit, Eggsy thought. This had been the wrong call of Arthur and Merlin. They didn't screw up much, but they royally screwed this up.

Eggsy came forward, "Hey you," he said.

Gemma took the last couple of steps down and just collapse against Eggsy. "I couldn't sleep on the plane," she whispered. Jesse looked heartbroken and reached out to Gemma who flinched away from his touch. Jesse closed his eyes and then just nodded. "See you in a couple days," his voice was thick with words that he held back. He stepped around them and went to Hamish. Eggsy watched them out of the corner of his eye. The two men didn't touch but he could feel them connecting and soon they were gone. 

"Where do you need me to take you?" Eggsy asked. "Your flat?" He could feel Gemma shake her head no. "A room here?" Another negative response. "My place?" a tiny nod. "Okay. I'll kick Merlin out for the night."

"You don't have to," she said. 

"Nope. He'll crash at Harry's," Eggsy said firmly. "I'll text him. Let's get you safe."

"Eggsy," she whimpered a little.

"Do you need medical?" Eggsy pushed her back a little. 

She quickly shook her head. "I just don't want anyone to touch me." Eggsy quickly let go. "Oi, not you, you aren't anyone." Eggsy gave her a look and she managed a small smile. "You know what I meant."

"Yeah," Eggsy agreed. He got her into a car and they headed for his home. When they got in, Gemma went for a shower and Eggsy found all sorts of snacks and a few pints of bitters and put it all on a tray and took into the family room. He waited for a long time.

Finally he went upstairs and knocked on the bathroom door. "I know our water tank, that water ain't hot no more, Gem," Eggsy's vocal ticks thickened a little as he grew more worried about her. "Gem?" No answer. "Right, I'm coming in."

He turned the knob and the steam poured out. He saw Gemma just sitting on the counter staring at the shower. "Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, I get it." He turned the water off and turned back to her. He grabbed Merlin's robe off the hook. "This is big on me, so imagine how cozy it will be on you." 

Gemma looked at Eggsy and spread her legs open. "Wanna fuck me?" Her eyes widened in shock when Eggsy calmly stepped between them. "Wot?"

Eggsy put his arms around her and held her close, kissed her head. "If I weren't all the way in love with my husband and you weren't almost all the way in love with your mechanic then I'd be licking at your pretty nipples in a second."

"Jesse was horrible at it. Just had no clue what to do with tits. He still thinks he might be a little bisexual but that's his heart at most. His dick is all the way gay," Gemma said. She wrapped her arms and legs around Eggsy and held tight. Neither heard the front door open or the steps so focused on how they felt, whatever it was that they felt.

"Eggsy, I got half a text from ye that made no sense," Merlin said after a brief knock on the door before opening it. He stared at the naked Gemma wrapped around his husband and nodded. "And I can figure it out now. I'll be with Harry and Michael." He paused. "Gemma," he said. "Your bravery astounds me. Ye saved at least a hundred lives with this."

"Good to know my cunt is good for something," she said bitterly. She caught Merlin's flinch out of the corner of her eye and the sincere sadness on his face. She felt Eggsy tug at her hair a little. "I don't...It helped having you in my ear, Merlin, it did," she promised. "And I get it."

"You are kind. Take whatever solace ye need, agent. Ye have earned it." Merlin left without another word.

"Wot that mean?" Gemma asked.

"It means whatever you need tonight, that I feel comfortable giving, I can give," Eggsy said.

"Really?" Gemma looked at him. "You guys aren't like Gawain, poly."

"No, but we get solace. And learning he and Harry used to fuck, well we reached some new parameters." Eggsy shrugged. "A talk for another time. What matters now is you. What do you need Gemma?"

Gemma leaned onto Eggsy and thought. She knew he would give her whatever she wanted. A couple years ago, she would have asked for the shag. And they would fuck and for a moment it would be great. But that wasn't them. "I want a pair of trackies, my weight in pints, and for you to teach me to knit."

"Wot the fuck?" Eggsy stared at her. "You have always made fun of my yarn."

"Sure, couldn't not take the piss right? And tonight? Tonight what will make me feel better is teach me how to make a fucking scarf."

"Okay then, let's get you not naked. The we will do tipsy yarn lessons." Eggsy put down the robe and went for find a tee and trackies for Gemma. He brought them back. "Oi, close the fucking door when you pee."

Gemma was unrepentant. "You were in the same candidate room as me. Means your husband likely watched you take a shit." Eggsy looked sick. "Jesus bruv, you never figure that out?"

"I blocked it from memory okay?'

"And he hasn't seen you on the bog since then?" Gemma wiped and flushed and grabbed the clothes from Eggsy.

"He's a bit repressed okay?"

Gemma snorted. "I know that he likes you in corsets and likes you cutting him with a knife?"

"Pee repressed. Unless it can't be avoided the loo is private for him."

"Huh," Gemma said. "Really makes the candidate room weird then don't it?"

Eggsy paused. "Yeah. Yeah it actually does. Going to have to ask about that."

They went to the family room and Eggsy put the tv on mute. He gave her a beer and she shotgunned half of it in a go. "Please eat something," he said and she put one crisp in her mouth. He sighed. It was going to be a rough morning tomorrow. "Right, what colour yarn?"

"Blue," she decided. "Mikey likes blue. Ravenclaw blue."

"Okay," Eggsy said softly and brought over yarn and needles and started to teach a cast on.

***************************************

"How did you drop 7 stitches?" Eggsy shouted. "One, two, sure, but seven?"

"It's a style choice," she shouted back. "Hobo chic or something."

"Oh my god, you suck," he said. Her scarf was Harry levels of bad. "Just, maybe we start again."

"No I just jab the needle in, I can pick them up again," Gemma started just wildly poking the needle in and out of the yarn. "There seven."

Eggsy took a shot of whiskey. "That hurts, Gemma, hurts my soul."

"Your soul is fine, now I go backwards," she said and just turned it all around.

"STOP WILL YOU JUST STOP!!!" Eggsy snatched the yarn away. "I'm sorry, baby, the mean lady won't hurt you again." He glared at Gemma and put all the yarn away. "I hate you."

She flipped him off and then rest her head on his lap. 

Eggsy began to stroke her hair, knowing that now she was ready.

"What if Mikey doesn't touch me the same now that I've whored myself out? What if he does and I hate that?"

"You don't get to call yourself names like that," Eggsy said.

"I exchanged my body for profit," she said. "Sounds like whore to me."

"You sacrificed some of yourself to save others," he said. 

"Does it ever get to you?"

"Yeah," Eggsy admitted. "My hands shake a bit and I can't do it at all if Merlin ain't in my ear. No Lachlan, no dice," he explained. "We don't train right for it, we train for the mechanics and a bit of the psychology, but it's about the mark, never us. And you had it worse, because it wasn't a mark, it was your best friend, your brother."

"We roleplayed. Even beyond our covers, he wrote us a story about who we were, and we pretend it was a movie. And we did it and then he killed a guy for touching me at the nude party. Our mark. And that actually worked out got us into an inner circle. We didn't need a contact anymore to bring us information we could get the information. Only yay orgy and we had to fuck again and be watched doing it. He could barely get hard and I could only do it because I thought of -" Gemma bit her tongue.

"You thought of me and not Mikey," Eggsy realized. "Why?"

"I couldn't bring him into that room," Gemma said. "He and I? I couldn't use that in there, because it's too real, too much of who I am. You and me, it is a happy memory, but it isn't my soul. But I can't tell him that. I tell my Mikhail that when I had to get wet I thought about my ex, my first love and not him, it will break his heart."

"He's stronger than that," Eggsy said.

"I...how much can I ask before he isn't strong enough?"

"I can't answer that sweet one," Eggsy said looking down at her.

"What is your and Merlin's breaking point?" Gemma asked.

"We don't have one," Eggsy said simply.

"All couples do. There are rules, unspoken ones, and when crossed some you come back from but there is one you don't."

Eggsy shook his head. "Not saying this is right or smart, but he and I? We'll fight and we'll rage and we'll hurt but there is no line for us."

"That's probably not healthy," she pointed out.

"No, probably not, if it were anyone but us. We're eternal, Gem."

"I don't want that," she said. "That's too fucking scary that much faith in someone. But I want Mikey to keep walking beside me. I want that for a long time." Gemma curled up and Eggsy picked her up and took her to his bed. They spooned tight.

"You can have it, you do have it. Just don't shut him out." Eggsy rubbed a hand up and down her arm. "Let the last of it go," he said and Gemma began to cry and she spilled out all the details of the mission. Eggsy recorded it and then encrypted the file and sent it to Arthur. If the man wanted anymore of an after action report, he could kiss Eggsy's arse. Her tears slowed and eventually stopped.

"Sum it up, one thing, the little thing that was the worst, that no one else but you would know is the worst."

"Jesse never could stop looking at me like he always does, like I'm the best and his favourite pal. Even when his dick was in me and his eyes should have been all passion and heat, he looked like the fucking puppy he is."

"That would fucking suck."

"I had to fake it so much."

"You two going to be okay?" Eggsy asked. They had to be or they were off the table.

"Yeah, we'll be okay," she said. "My twin, my other half. And pretty sure he hated my pussy as much much as I hated his dick."

"Probably."

"I'll talk to people tomorrow."

"You've been talking to me all night."

"Shut up, you ain't people," Gemma pulled Eggsy's hand up to her mouth and kissed it. "I need you tonight and you were there."

"Gemma, never not going to be there."

"Don't promise that. You can't."

Eggsy sighed. "Okay I can't. But I can try. And I'll try my damnedest." He was quiet for a minute. "You hate me for recruiting you?"

"No," she said immediately and fiercely. "I'm a mother fucking kingsman and I'll cope." 

Eggsy smiled.

"Oh," she said. "Oh. I'm a kingsman."

"Yeah you are," he agreed. 

"I'm not this. I'm Gemma, and I'm more badass than any guy at the estate. I don't fucking break because of a lousy shag that saved lives." She got up out of the bed. "Right, fuck this whinging. Also you are a fucking lousy teacher. I'm getting Liz to teach me to knit."

"Bitch," he said.

"Wanker," she replied and walked out. Eggsy sat up on the bed and waited. Gemma came running back in and hugged him tight. "Thanks, Unwin."

"Always, Jones."

Gemma ran back out. Eggsy thought about calling his husband home, but decided a bed alone sounded great and starfished over the whole space.

****************************************

Mikey stumbled out of bed at the angry banging on the door. His bad arm hung limply at his side and he was too asleep to remember protocols and just opened the door.

"Oi, you want to get dead, you do a damn check!" Gemma shouted.

Mikey smiled slowly as he woke all the way up. "Hi," he said.

"Hi," she replied. "I sort of had a shitty couple days of work, wanna hear about what I can tell you?"

Mikey held out his hand and Gemma stared at it. She reached out and took the hand. "Jesse's dick sucks in comparison to yours. And we are never getting into exhibitionism."

Mikey just pulled her into his flat, happy that she was with him.

Gemma was happy to be there as well.


	108. How to Touch Your Heart Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens to Jesse after the mission

Gemma had collapsed against Eggsy and flinched away from his touch. 

She flinched away from him.

Jesse felt his shoulders drop and he made sure not a bit of him touched her as he walked by. "See you in a couple days," he said. He walked over to the door and there was Hamish. "Hey babe,"

"Owain, welcome home," Hamish said.

"Mission's done but my after report and Harry said we are good for a day or two."

"In that case Mr. Donovan, please allow me to escort you home." Hamish held the door for him and they walked through the estate and took a car to Hamish's house. 

Jesse babbled the whole way about the food at the resort, his flights, everything meaningless spilled out of his mouth and Hamish listened patiently. He thanked their driver and escorted Jesse into the house. Jesse was rambling about the thread count on the sheets they had slept on and Hamish undressed him. He wasn't even sure Jesse noticed. He put a robe on his boy and then took him to the living room. He sat Jesse down and put a drink in his hand. He went over to his piano and just began to play, occasionally singing, knowing how it soothed the lad.

"Stop," Jesse said.

Hamish immediately stopped playing. He turned on the stool, "Yes, Mr. Donovan?"

"I need your music, but I need it to be different?"

"How different?"

"I don't even know, but the piano isn't the write spot in my head, it hurts," Jesse looked at him. "My brain is just screaming at me. It sounds like the guy when I stabbed his eye out."

"Do you regret that death?"

Jesse shook his head. "No. He touched Gemma wrong and that place, the girl fighting back? Oh it would have gone bad. I had to be all alpha wolf bullshit, claiming my 'exotic' woman and fuck all them for calling her exotic. Racist bastards and just it was never quiet and your piano is too quiet."

Hamish got up and left the room and Jesse began to panic. He was pretty sure he had just insulted Hamish's playing, which wasn't what he meant. He didn't even know what he meant. If it was his house he would have thrown the glass in his hand but instead he just put it down very carefully. He had no idea if he should follow or not, but then Hamish returned with a case. "You play guitar?" he was surprised.

"I do, but this is a particular one, a resonator," Hamish said. He pulled it out and Owain stared at all the metal in the wooden body. Hamish tuned easily by ear and then played a fast lick on the strings.

"Oh, that's so different." Jesse sat forward and watched Hamish's fingers fly.

"The blues, Mr. Donovan, delta blues," Hamish said and he began to sing and it was twangy and harsher than his usual jazz, more rollicking and Jesse felt his brain quiet just a little. He never looked at Hamish's face, just those long fingers play and play and play.

When there was a brief lull, Owain asked, "will you fuck me?"

"No, Mr. Donovan, I will not," Hamish said and kept playing.

"Why not? I'm asking for it," Jesse glared at him. "Or what you don't want me now that I had relations with another girl? Or wait you lived through some shit so you probably want me to get tested first." Hamish's fingers made a dissonant noise on the guitar and Jesse flinched. He realized what he said. "I'm a bastard." He got off the couch and went over and knelt before Hamish. "I'm sorry babe."

Hamish put the guitar down and cupped Owain's face. "That reaction is exactly why I won't fuck you tonight. I have indeed lived through some shit and we will both get tested again before we go bare. The other is that you don't want it."

"Maybe I do."

Hamish just looked at him. "Mr. Donovan there are other ways I can hurt you in bed. I don't need to do something that you hate, to make you feel whatever it is that you need to feel."

"I need to feel like I belong to you," Jesse whispered. He lay his head on Hamish's knee. "I need to erase the feel of Gemma's skin, needed to give you something that I hadn't yet. I don't know."

"Do you think I would gain pleasure from making you miserable?" Hamish carefully ran a hand through Jesse's hair.

"I made her miserable and managed to come, you should be able to do it to," Jesse hated the words coming out of his mouth. He was lots of things and a lot of them bad, but they were never directed at Hamish.

"Mr. Donovan," Hamish began.

"Don't. Please don't. That name matters. You can't use it right now when I've betrayed you."

"You betrayed nothing," Hamish said. He stopped being gentle and grabbed Jesse's chin. "Jesse, you have not betrayed me or the very odd principles you keep."

"I betrayed her," Jesse said.

"Did you?"

"Think I did?" Jesse leaned his head against Hamish's thigh. "Like when we got our extra training when we were twinned, Merlin warned us that this could happen, they would try for not, but it could. And it hadn't yet, a honeypot, let alone together, and just her body is gorgeous, anyone can see that, and touching her made me feel sick."

"But you completed the mission and came home in one piece," Hamish said. "And coming home in one piece is all I ever want from you."

"I'm not in one piece," Jesse looked up at him. "So what happens?"

"I sew you back together," Hamish said simply. "And I am rather good with needle and thread you might have noticed."

"I need it to hurt - just a little?" Jesse asked. "I know you aren't really a pain guy but -"

"I can hurt you a little," Hamish said. "I can do whatever you need."

"Except fuck me," Jesse answered.

"Except fuck you, Jesse," Hamish agreed.

"Thanks? I really don't want things in things tonight. My thing has been in a thing that it didn't like. The lack of body hair on girls is wrong," Jesse said.

"Blame societal expectations," Hamish suggested. He stood and pulled up Jesse. He then picked his boy up and walked to the bathroom.

"What the fuck, how are you strong enough to do that?" Jesse asked in shock. 

"You all have no idea how much work a tailor is do you?" Hamish asked.

"I weigh a few stone more than a bolt of fabric!"

"You do, and shut up," Hamish ordered. It was a harsh voice, never used with Jesse. Jesse bit his lip. He was put down in the bathroom. Hamish turned on the shower and waited until the water was just the wrong side of too hot. "Get in there," he said.

"Yes, sir," Jesse said and went in. The water stung and he stood under the spray.

Hamish handed him a loofah, one that really ended up being too rough against the skin. "Clean yourself top to bottom, thoroughly." He stood there and watched as Jesse scrubbed himself, his skin going red from the treatment and the heat of the water. "Jerk off," Hamish said coldy.

"What?"

"You heard me," Hamish turned and began to brush his teeth, watched Jesse in the mirror. Jesse eventually grabbed his cock and began to wank. Hamish watched him very carefully as Jesse began to fall apart.

"I was wrong. I don't want to hurt," Jesse said and began to cry. It was less than 10 seconds for Hamish to have him out of the shower and wrapped in a towel. "I don't. Hamish. The is a bad tummy feeling." Jesse began to choke a bit on his breath and Hamish got him to the toilet in time to throw up. "Make it better," he said in between dry heaves. 

When Jesse was done Hamish helped his stand and Jesse rinsed out his mouth. Hamish grabbed a tube of lotion and lead Jesse to the bedroom and lay him down. He took his time and carefully massaged his boy from head to toe before rolling him over and doing the same to the front, ignoring Jesse's cock for the moment. He sang softly as he did it, old loves songs, and cheesy ones from the 80s, including a surprisingly soulful version of Take On Me. Hamish ignored the silent tears coming from Jesse until he finished the massage. He then crawled up the bed and pulled his boy into his arms. He sang the old musical number 'My Man' and then said softly. "Mr. Donovan."

"I told you not to call me that," Jesse said into his throat.

"Mr. Donovan," Hamish said firmly. "Go out and fuck a thousand people, for the job or not, and I will still be here ready to hold you. Should you ever go as evil as some people fear, you will be the most fashionably dressed villain in history. There is nothing that you can do that will make me leave."

Jesse moved fast and rolled on top of Hamish. He closed his fingers around the man's throat. "Really?" he challenged.

Hamish just looked up at him. "Really," he answered. "Mr. Donovan, you are the last man I am ever going to love."

Jesse squeezed just for a moment before he collapsed against the man. He had no more tears left to fall. They held each other tight. "You're the only guy I'm ever going to love," Jesse said eventually. "What I feel, it's love isn't it?"

"What does it feel like?" Hamish asked.

"Like every happy and sad and sexy poem rolled into one. You make me feel Marvel, and the Brownings, and Yeats in one big ball. You are a sonnet and an elegy and a dirty limmerick. I want to read you forever and I want to cut of the fingers of anyone who's ever dog eared your pages."

Hamish put a hand at the base of Jesse's spine and pressed. Jesse practically purred.

"I promise you are going to be okay, my dear Mr. Donovan, my beloved monster."

"Sex that isn't you is stupid," Jesse said. "3 people, only 1 good."

"The other two instances were rather atypical circumstances," Hamish pointed out.

"That and they had vaginas. I don't think I'm as bisexual as I thought," Jesse couldn't resist and bit at Hamish's skin a little.

"Do you need to talk about it? Properly talk about it?" Hamish asked.

"Oh fuck no," Jesse said. "Seriously, I want to write my report and then forget the whole thing."

"Is that healthy?"

Jesse looked up at him and smiled. "What about me has ever suggested I'm sane and mentally balanced and well attuned with my emotional needs?"

"Nothing," Hamish answered immediately.

"You'll take care of me if I stay fucked up," Jesse said, sure of it.

"I will."

"Can we stay like this?" Jesse asked.

Hamish moved them into a slightly more comfortable position. "How's this?"

"Good," Jesse said. He yawned. "Babe?"

"Hmm?"

"Could you sing me more of the other stuff? The blues? It feels good right now."

"Of course," Hamish said. "Though it is better served with some guitar." He began to sing again, going well after Jesse was asleep. When he decided to stop he kissed Jesse's head. "Mr. Donovan," he whispered.

"Hamish," Jesse replied mostly asleep.

It was all they needed to say.

**************************************************

A week later Jesse knocked on Hamish's office door. "Doctor note, all clear babe. So sex?"

"Indeed," Hamish agreed. "Dressing room three. I want you to fuck me on the bench, still mostly wearing the clothes I have made you."

"I...right...can't think," Jesse said.

"Mr. Donovan, I'll do all the thinking, you just have to put things in things."

"Only your things," Jesse said. "Talked to the boss. Only your things ever again, no matter what."

Hamish didn't answer that just kissed his boy and guided him to the dressing room.


	109. How to Touch Your Heart Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We reach the conclusion of this little miniseries.

"Arthur," Gemma said and stood at attention.

"Yo," Jesse added insolently, though his spine was also rigid.

"I have interesting reports from your mission," Harry said. Merlin stood beside him, staring at his clipboard, reading. "And there are gaps."

"Probably," Jesse agreed. Gemma nodded. "Some ain't your business."

"On the contrary, since this mission has clearly affected the two of ye and your relationship, it is indeed our business," Merlin countered. 

"Yeah well, you know what?" Gemma leaned forward a bit and glared. "Fuck the two of you for sending us on a mission that you bloody well knew we weren't suited for."

"No you weren't," Harry agreed.

"And another thing, you fucking posh tossers -" Gemma cut herself off. "Did you just agree with me?"

"I did," Harry said. He came around his desk and settled on his sofa. He gestured for everyone else to follow suit. He prepared tea for everyone, though Gemma and Jesse ignored their cups. "Why do you think we sent you on that mission?"

Jesse stared at the two of them. "Was this another of your fucking tests? Because if you hurt Gemma like that to just prove a point, well no one is getting here fast enough to save you from me."

"You take the pirate, I'll take the legless wonder," Gemma snarled and they both stood up and reached for weapons. "Because they don't get to hurt my bruv, like that."

Merlin made sure the smile he felt didn't cross his face. Their desire to murder him and Harry was the first time the two had been a unit again since their return three days ago. "It was nae a test," Merlin explained. "We had to make a choice."

"It was a bollocks one," Gemma said, not willing to stand down.

"It was, but it was the one we had before us," Harry replied. "Two needed to be sent in. If you noticed it was a couple's only retreat. Heterosexual at that. That meant you or Roxy," Harry said. He sipped some tea and chose a biscuit off the plate.

"Roxy has done a dozen honeypots," Gemma said. "She coached me, and if it was a het couple, then why couldn't her and Ector go together? He does seduction, she's fucking Roxy so the boss of bosses, why us?" Gemma was trying not to scream.

"Oh," Jesse said. "Ohhhhh."

Merlin looked at him. "Did ye figure something out Owain? Something that Morrvyd didn't or couldn't?"

"Ector and Roxy hate each other," he said. "Or...they don't hate each other, but no way could Roxy have acted enough to pull it off."

"Indeed," Harry agreed. "And the profile of this group that you infiltrated, Ector is still a little too affectation based in his work, he doesn't have the natural ability that Sin did. He is good, but they would have scented him in a second, especially paired with Roxy."

"And I don't go on no job that doesn't have Owain," Gemma sat herself back down. "I couldn't have worked with Ector."

"We didn't like it. And trust me, we were trying to think of alternate options," Merlin swore. "But we needed to get into that party. We needed contacts. And honestly, as much as I regret the personal cost to ye both, the benefits were far greater. Owain killing our hoped for contact, the two of you making it into the inner sanctum and making a deal with the third in command of the group, planting those viruses, you saved a great number of people."

"From what?" Jesse asked. "I want to know what we saved and why."

"Date rape drug," Harry said. "One that broke down in the blood stream quickly enough that within two hours of ingestion it is completely undetected by any modern testing. Your viruses destroyed their files with the chemistry of it, and the deal you made delays distribution of the current batch by 3 months. Enough time for us to go in and finish everything off."

"Okay," Gemma said slowly. "Okay that's a good thing."

"No, I don't care," Jesse said.

"Excuse me?" Gemma glared at him. "Know you are mental but how do you not care about that?"

"Because..." Jesse tried to gather his thoughts. "Yes, I care about that. I know it was a good thing to stop. And I get that they thought their hands were tied. And we came out of it...but we didn't did we?" Jesse looked at her. "You won't let me touch you." He reached out a hand and they all saw the tiny flinch. He pulled himself back. "They sent us because we were the only choice, but you and I are a set, you can see it the second you look at us. Only they broke it." Jesse looked at Harry and Merlin. "You broke us. You were supposed to be different from the last guy." He took no pleasure from the way Harry paled. "You can't..."

"We can't what Owain?" Merlin asked gently.

Gemma looked at them. "You can't spend 18 months training us, telling us that we are different from other agents and in a blink expect us to be able to act like other agents."

"Yeah, that," Jesse agreed. "You...we're going to fix ourselves, because we have to, but you don't get to break us again."

"I can't promise that," Harry said.

"Do it, or we walk," Gemma answered.

Harry and Merlin exchanged a look that had paragraphs written on it. "Very well," Harry finally said. 

"While we're making demands, I can't fuck anyone for the job again," Jesse said. "I'm just not built for it."

"He's not, god he was shit at it," Gemma agreed.

"I really was," he said. "Though, come on, you oversold the faking it."

"Had to, your flopping about had to be distracted from," she snapped.

"Look, your junk is weird okay? I don't know what to do with it, I've barely got Hamish figured out. Mostly I hang on for the awesome ride," he snapped back. "And dirty talk is icky."

"Children," Merlin said. "I was watching. I can comfortably agree that should the world be ending and Owain's the only one who can save us all and it is with his dick - well we will all embrace death."

Gemma snorted a laugh at that and Jesse smiled a little. 

"No honeypots for Owain," Harry agreed. "And you Morrvyd?"

"Needs must," she said finally. "Consider me on the Eggsy level on this one."

"You've already done your bloodwork and checkups with Dr. Pierce, reports are in and you both said you don't require counseling. Go home and talk. Don't return to the estate until you are well settled with each other," Harry ordered. "Return as The Twins or don't return at all."

Jesse and Owain nodded and left. They were quiet in the car back to their space and when they got it they both went to their own bedrooms for an hour before finally Gemma knocked on Jesse's door. "Stop being a prat and talk to me." There was no answer and she just walked in. He was curled up in his reading chair, his stupid fuzzy robe on and reading. She could see his lips moving, and realized it wasn't one of the ones he had memorized. "Which poet?"

"Tennyson," he said.

"You don't like him," she said.

"Was feeling all Charge of the Light Brigadey," he said, but he put the book down and watched her.

Gemma went to his shelves and looked around. She plucked one of the shelf and sat down on the ground by his chair.

"

My own dear love, he is strong and bold 

      And he cares not what comes after. 

His words ring sweet as a chime of gold, 

      And his eyes are lit with laughter. 

He is jubilant as a flag unfurled— 

      Oh, a girl, she’d not forget him. 

My own dear love, he is all my world,— 

      And I wish I’d never met him."

 

"Who's that?" Jesse interrupted. "20th Century, not my best."

 

"Dorothy Parker," Gemma answered. "If we're going to be depressed might as well be bathtub gin soaked while we do it."

 

"Shit, at least pick Plath then," he said.

 

"You know I don't go in for this crap, give me an adventure story any day," Gemma said. She read him a few more poems before she just couldn't do it. She put the book down and leaned against the chair and closed her eyes. "I hate that I am a little scared of your hands. Your hands are what I have been sure about since they put us together." She wiped away a tear. "What do we do?"

 

Jesse stood up and went to a different shelf and pulled off an incredibly beat up book. He sat on the chair again and tapped his glasses green. "I am a very old man; how old I do not know. Possibly I am a hundred, possibly more; but I cannot tell because I have never aged as other men, nor do I remember any childhood. So far as I can recollect I have always been a man, a man of about thirty," he read. He stumbled and stammered the words jumping on the page in a way they never did with poems. But he managed a few more painful paragraphs the words coming a little quicker as he went on.

 

"Wot's that?" she asked after a few minutes of listening to him.

 

"A Princess of Mars," Jesse answered. "You love pulp books, so I bought some for my shelves. They aren't bad." He read another page before the words hurt too much and he had to stop.

 

"I thought this would all be an adventure. I knew it could hurt, but we beat the bad guys and get to be heroes. We save the world. Saw that it changed Eggsy. Know it changed me, but this? This is a big change," she said.

 

"I should be in a classroom, studying, marking a professor's papers, and creating very realistic ways to murder first years," Jesse said. "I should be tired, and swamped, and hating everything I ever said I wanted."

 

"I never knew what I wanted. I never had that luxury. Just wanted out," she said. "I'm so mixed up, but I don't want out."

 

"I don't either." Jesse looked at her. "What do we do Gem? I'm kind of relying on you for this one, because I can't...I don't know how to fix this. I didn't even fix me, Hamish did that."

 

"Eggsy and Mikey for me," Gemma said. She thought about it. "Right," she stood up and stripped down. "Get naked."

 

"What the fuck?" Jesse hurt himself when he slapped his hand over his eyes.

 

"That right there, stop that," she ordered and smacked at his hand. "Just look at me. And get fucking naked yourself."

 

"Why?" he whined.

 

"Because you and me? We didn't care about that shit. I've seen you dick a million times, and you seen my tits, because I fucking hate bras once home and one tit always pops out of a tank top, it is the law of the land. And we didn't care. Don't you get it, we didn't fucking care, because we don't think of each other that way and we ain't actually related so not that sort of repulsed. We're just...us? Yeah?"

 

Jesse nodded and stood up. "Yeah, we're us." He took a few deep breaths and got naked.

 

They stood there and looked at each other.

 

"Feel anything now that we've bumped uglies?" she asked.

 

"No," Jesse answered. He pointed at his dick. "Honestly this thing really only works for Hamish."

 

"Well at least you didn't call me Hamish when we were doing the do," she said.

 

They stared at each other and cracked up. They fell to the floor laughing and stayed there naked, close but not touching.

 

Gemma rolled her head and looked at him. "We met before Kingsman I woulda fucking hated you, sure you were looking down on me."

 

"Well of course I would have, you're short." Gemma punched him and Jesse smiled. "You touched me." He rolled over and gathered her into a giant hug.

 

She didn't flinch.

 

After a minute though she pushed him away. "Your dingle dangle is touching me, get off."

 

Jesse gave her a quick squeeze and let go. They put their clothes back on and crawled into Jesse's bed. He put a movie on his t.v. and they began to watch.

 

"Jesse?"

 

"Yeah, Gem?"

 

"We're going to be okay."

 

"Fucking right we are. Better than because come on, ain't no one better than us."

 

"Mikey's better than us," she pointed out.

 

"Hamish too," he agreed. "Shit we got lucky."

 

"Got lucky getting you," Gemma said.

 

"Same here," Jesse said. He kissed her head. "Wanna get some revenge on Harry and Merlin though?"

 

"Fuckin A," Gemma's smile was blinding.

 

Harry and Merlin took the showers raining blue dye on them as their due, especially when they saw Gemma and Jesse walk down the hall in perfect sync.


	110. The Return of the Cuterus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin does not escape this world without having to give a sex talk.  
> Alexander is 16.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does include reference to sexual assault and harassment. it will not go into great detail about it but figured didn't hurt to put a warning up.

Merlin was playing WoW on his computer at home, Daisy was sleeping over at a friend's house. Alexander didn't have curfew for another few hours and Eggsy went to get some takeaway. Nothing was on fire, all agents were accounted for. Life was good.

"Oi, lay off Eggsy," Alexander shouted.

Merlin sighed.

It had been going too well. 

"No I will not lay off, I'm so mad at you right now, Alexander, I can't even..." Eggsy's voice trailed off. Merlin figured it was serious business if he was calling the boy Alexander and not Sasha. He told his guild goodbye and set the laptop down. Looked like he was going to be playing Good cop shortly, which the way Eggsy was sounding.

"Hello," Merlin said calmly when Alexander was pushed into the room. Alexander glared at Eggsy and stomped over to the chair and sunk into it and glared. "What did you steal?"

"Nuffin, I wasn't doing nuffin wrong," Alexander answered.

"Nuffin wrong!" Eggsy shouted. He was pacing and didn't know what to do with himself. "Nuffin wrong, ya fucking..."

Merlin hauled himself up and used the cane to make it over to Eggsy having removed his leg for the night. He hugged his husband tight. "Shh, darling."

"He were street harassing girls. Found him and his mates just saying disgusting things and...fuck Merlin. Dragged him home and debating murdering him."

"It was a couple comments and a few whistles. They were dressed up for Saturday night, wot's the big deal?" Alexander said.

Eggsy tensed under Merlin's hands.

Merlin pushed him to the door. "Go. Go for a walk, go to Harry, or Roxy, but go."

Eggsy looked at Alexander with a face that he didn't realize was a copy of Harry's. "I am so disappointed in you." He walked out slamming the door.

Merlin looked at Alexander with a neutral expression. "Would ye like to explain?"

"It were just messing around. I didn't touch no one, follow anybody. Sure I made a few comments, but what guy don't?"

"I don't," Merlin said.

"Yeah but skirts ain't your thing," Alexander pointed out.

"Harry doesn't, Eggsy doesn't, Roxy doesn't, Bors doesn't," Merlin said.

"Not one of those is het," Alex snapped.

"Graham and Edward then. Mikey."

"Wot they been perfect all their lives, never said anything stupid?"

"So you realize what you were saying is stupid then," Merlin sat back down with a drink.

Alexander shrugged.

"How many people do you know that have been sexually harassed and/or assaulted Alexander?" Merlin asked quietly.

Alexander just shrugged again.

"Come now, ye are a smart lad, and read. Make a guess,"  Merlin's voice went soft to an order.

"4," Alexander said.

"At least 10," Merlin replied.

"What the fuck?" Alexander stared at him in a shock.

"Their stories are their own, but I can provide a list. Sarah, Roxy, Liz, Pilar, Gemma, Allison, The Boudica, Mrs. Carson, your grandmother, graham, myself," Merlin listed.

"Dad?" Alexander's lip quivered.

"It isn't of consequence right now. That is a list and it is of degrees from being followed on the street to hospital stays."

"Daisy and Dad 2's mum? She's brilliant, why would anyone hurt her? Why would anyone hurt anyone of you?"

"Why do people hurt?" Merlin countered. "Why did you hurt? You know those words hurt, so why were you using them?"

Alexander didn't answer, but Merlin was willing to wait. 

"Felt...didn't feel good? But felt in control, in power," Alexander finally answered. "And some of the mates found it funny and dunno."

"In control of yourself is a good feeling, but gaining it at the pain of others is not," Merlin said. 

"Wouldn't want anyone to say the shit we were saying to Dais, I'd straight up murder someone for that," Alexander said. He was shocked when Merlin looked mad. "Wot?"

"Humans. Everyone is a human stuck on this shitty planet and deserves some respect and dignity until they personally offend you. I don't want you stopping because of your sister, or me, or all the women in your life who have been hurt. I want you to cut this shit out because it is a fucking baseline for being a decent human being." Merlin glared at him. "You start gentleman training with your grandfather next week."

"Oh god, don't tell Harry! He'll bore me to death," Alexander begged. "Just take away whatever, ground me, but I'm going to learn so much useless crap."

"You are," Merlin agreed. "Alexander there are so many other ways to feel strong." Merlin looked at him and had a thought. A terrible thought. "Alexander, what sex education have you had?"

"Of fuck right off," Alexander answered quickly.

"That little then hmm?" Merlin raised a brow.

"I know enough."

"That answer suggests not. Did you know a "cherry" isn't supposed to "pop" and if a girl bleeds you fucked up?"

Alexander's eyes widened. "Wait, really? But -" He then squinted. "How do you even know that, you've never even banged a girl."

"Eggsy gave his sister 'the talk' a few years ago. I helped him research. You ever do anything with a condom except put over your head as a dare?"

"How the -" Alexander stared at him. "You like psychic?"

"It was a wild guess," Merlin said dryly. "Go up to Eggsy's craft room and find a blue box labelled Life Model Decoys."

"Sure," Alexander said and went to get it. Merlin went and grabbed the bottle and a couple glasses and hopped back to the sofa. He downed two fingers before Alexander came back and then he poured them both a dram.

Alexander put the box down. "Not allowed to drink."

"We'll make an exception tonight," Merlin said. "And trust me you'll want it."

Alexander clutched the glass. "Is it a sex ed video in there?"

"Christ I was it was," Merlin muttered and opened the box. "Welcome to the cuterus."

"Oh holy fuck, burn in it fire," Alexander said.

"That is as realistic as a knit female reproductive system can look. And here a dick and sack." Merlin tossed it at Alexander's head. "I do the wash so I know that ye know how your junk works well enough."

"Daaaaaaad," Alexander begged. "Please, I am begging ye please." He didn't even notice that he said ye.

"Me or Eggsy," Merlin said. "And Eggsy would likely have the assistance of Harry."

Alexander drank the scotch and promptly choked. "This is disgusting."

"Never say that again," Merlin warned.

"Right," Alexander was pretty sure he was seeing through time the way the peaty taste was burning his throat. "Best stuff ever."

"Exactly so. Now then do ye want to start with the clitoris or application of a condom?" 

"Condom?"

"Good call, most of what I know about the clit if from watching your father with women on missions. We will consult resources where we struggle."

"What resources?" Alexander was terrified.

Merlin picked up his phone and dialed. "Pilar? I'm about to teach sex ed to Alexander."

Alexander fell to the ground and began to pray.

"Need a consult on girl bits?" she asked. "I can put aside the shrinking ray for a few minutes."

"Excellent. Now I am going to show him how to put on a condom properly, want to give a run down on how the female reproductive system works and what he needs to know to make it pleasurable for a woman?"

"Of course, Merlin," Pilar agreed. She spoke casually, easily while while Alexander and Merlin practiced condoms. Both men turned green when they practiced putting the dick in the vagina but they did as Pilar told them. 45 minutes later she hung up and the men had another drink.

"I have levelled in adult tonight," Merlin muttered. "Now then consent."

"I know not to hurt a girl," Alexander said.

"And do ye know you can also say no?" Merlin asked.

"But if the girl wants it -"

"No," Merlin said firmly. "Ye have as much right not to be ready, or not in the mood, or just not want to."

"Huh," Alexander said. He realized he was hugging the cuterus and put it down quickly. "Dad?"

"Hmm, another question?" Merlin braced himself.

Alexander took a breath. "You can add me to that list of yours. Never was, it never went...it took me a couple years to understand what some of the men who ran me for drugs were implying. And think if I hadn't gotten out. Well there was this one guy...And if I ever made a girl feel like he made me feel? I'm an utter shit."

"Do ye remember his name?" Merlin asked casually.

"Nickname, they all called him Big J for Big Johnson, why?"

"No reason," Merlin replied. "Well this was a rather horrific evening. Movie?"

Alexander looked at him. "Not so bad. Got you guys looking out for me, teaching me, actually wanting me to be better. No one wanted that before, at least not for a long time. So...thanks."

Merlin kissed his head. "Anything for ye."

"Starting to get that."

When Eggsy came home a few hours later, Alexander hugged him hard. "I'm sorry, I am," he swore.

Eggsy held him tight. "Don't be sorry, be better."

"Gonna, promise," Alexander said. "Dad gave me sex ed with the cuterus."

"That's enough punishment for anyone," Eggsy laughed.

"He's drunk from coping and singing," Alexander said.

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Eggsy agreed. "Come on, make him some tea, I'll toss him in the shower."

Alexander nodded and went to the kitchen.

It was really nice having people wanting him to be good.

And a couple weeks later when hanging out with the guys and they started up, Alexander took them to fuck off and grow up and went home to play board games with his family.

That was more fun anyways.

 


	111. The Truth Will Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah is determined that Declan not know the truth about Roxy's job for as long as possible. It doesn't work out like how she hoped.

Sarah had had one request of Roxy when they had Declan - that he not know what Roxy's job was. "I know that lying isn't the way of the Kingsman anymore," Sarah said. "But I don't want him worrying like I do, babe. I don't want him waiting up wondering. It sucks, and it is a lot to ask and I don't care." 

Roxy nodded in understanding and rubbed Sarah's tummy. The baby kicked her. "I get it."

Until he was a bit over two he sometimes went with Roxy to the estate so Allison could watch him, but after that he was never allowed farther than the tailor shop and Allison came to them. Declan loved hanging out with R2 in Hamish's office the two toddlers babbled to each other and played with all the creatures Hamish had sewn out of Kingsman fabric scraps.

But Declan as all kids do, got older. "Mum is gone again, Mama," he said when he was 3.

"She is," Sarah agreed. "But she'll be home soon." Roxy had promised this was a milk run.

"Will she come home ouchied this time?" 

"Don't you worry about. How about we do your Peppa Pig puzzle?" Sarah kissed his head. Roxy came home perfectly fine and didn't quite notice how Declan checked her over before hugging her. But Sarah did.

***************************************************

"Mum got hurt bad," Declan said to Sarah when he was 10.

Sarah was fixing Roxy some soup. "She was in a car accident," Sarah said. "Some drunk tourist slammed into her taxi." Sarah wiped away a tear. "Just a few broken bones," she said.

"I heard Mama, I heard Eggsy," he said. "And he looked like hell too."

"Heard what hun?" she asked.

"They were beat up weren't they? They got mugged?" Declan asked sure he put the pieces together. 

Sarah stopped stirring the soup. She looked at her son, he was so gorgeous. "Yeah, they were beat up."

"But Mum's strong. I've seen her workout. And I know Eggsy is strong," Declan frowned. He couldn't make all the pieces of his mother fit together. There was the kind but serious mum, who helped him with homework and came to everyone of his meets if she was in town, and told dirty jokes if she had a couple drinks. And she loved Mama. He knew they loved each other like a lot of the other kid's parents didn't. He wondered if it was because mum was gone so much that it made them so grateful for each other.

And he knew his mum had nightmares and was awake in the middle of the night a lot.

And that she called Eggsy a lot. Even though Mama had known Eggsy first, somehow Eggsy was more Mum's.

And he knew that he had Eggsy's smile, but they didn't talk about it.

"I can bring Mum her soup," Declan said. He put a spoon on the tray and the half full bowl. He took it to the living room. Mum was asleep. He put the tray on the coffee table and nudged her leg. "Mum, you need to eat."

She woke up in a blink, knife in her hand. They stared at each other. "I won't tell Mama," Declan said finally. His hands were shaking and he was scared.

Roxy hid the knife. "I will never hurt you baby."

"You hurt us every time you come home broken with a crap lie," he said suddenly angry. He deflated when he saw his Mum's eyes fill with tears. "I won't tell Mama," he repeated and went to his bedroom.

******************************************************

"I saw the mark on Mum's neck," Declan said when he was 13.

"Just a bruise," Sarah dismissed easily and kept working on the sweater she was making Roxy. It was going to look so good on her.

"Mama, that wasn't a bruise," Declan said.

"Technically, it is," she pointed out. 

"Mama!" Declan started yelling. "Mum fucked someone!"

Sarah gave him a hard glare. "We don't swear in this house."

"That's your problem? Mum goes off on all the business trips and comes home bloody and bruised and her clothes sometimes smell like men's cologne or with lipstick stains in a colour I know she doesn't wear. And you bitch about my swearing?" Declan glared at her. "Jesus how pathetic are you that you put up with all this from Mum?"

Sarah carefully put her yarn down. "Darling, I love you more than you will ever understand, but now? This moment is where you stop digging your own grave."

"Fuck you for letting her hurt us," he swore and ran out of the house.

Declan found himself at R2's place. His best friend would fix it. He knocked on the door and it was Jesse who opened it. There was always something creepy about R2's dad. He way preferred Hamish. Hamish was fussy but looked less murdery. "Hi, sir. Can I see R2?"

Jesse looked at him. "So long as I can text your mom that you are here and safe," he said.

"Yeah," Declan agreed. "But I can stay?"

Jesse nodded. "Go on in," he said. "She's playing piano with Hamish."

Declan went into the living room and Hamish and R2 were playing piano. Her hair had gotten so long, she was growing it out. He sat on the couch and watched them. Hamish began to sing and R2 joined in a little. She didn't have a great voice but it blended with her Papa's. Jesse sat beside Declan.

"You need to talk about it?"

Declan shook his head.

"Need to talk about it with R2?" 

Declan nodded and R2 immediately stopped playing.

She stood up and Declan was a little annoyed. When she had turned 14 she had had a growth spurt and had a couple inches on him right now.

"Door stays open," Hamish said to them.

"Huh?" Declan looked at him in confusion, why would that matter?

Hamish just smiled and kept playing, Jesse moving beside him. His sweater shifted and Declan saw the weapon at the small of his back. He followed R2 up to her room. She had a dress form in there now and was making some sort of fancy dress outfit. She sewed and Declan lay down on her bed and clutched the bear that was one of his earliest memories.

"Your Dad is creepy," he said.

"No he isn't," she replied.

"He looks like he could kill everyone."

"So does Aunt Roxy."

"No she -" Declan paused. The look on his mum's face did match the one Jesse wore a lot. And the one Eggsy wore. And Uncle Michael and Harry. "Are they all in the mob?"

R2 giggled so much she stabbed her needle into her finger. "Ouch," she said. Declan got up and checked on her finger, wiped away the drop of blood. "No, they aren't the mafia," she said. She bit her lip. "Aunt Sarah doesn't want you to know."

"But you know, and Daisy and Sasha sure as heck know," he thought about it. "Does Violet know?"

R2 rolled her eyes, "Violet doesn't know the sky is blue, her head is buried in books so much. And of course Daisy and Sasha know they are old." R2 leaned in and whispered. "Shhh, don't tell. Your mum is a superhero."

Declan looked at R2 her face an inch from his. "Superheros aren't real."

"Sure they are, they just where Kingsman suits instead of capes." She smiled at him. "Now stand up and try on this skirt for me."

A couple hours later Roxy showed up at their house. Declan came down the stairs slowly, nudged the whole way by R2. Mum looked sad, broken. "You don't look like a superhero," he blurted out.

Hamish and Jesse glared at R2. "What?" she replied. "He should know. Not knowing is just fucking him up at this point."

Everyone looked at Roxy. "Christ, Sarah is going to kill me," she said. "You want to see my office, Dec?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I should." Roxy drove him to the tailors and took him on the bullet train and gave him a small tour. "Sarah didn't want you scared. We probably kept it up too long," she said. 

"You save the world," Declan said staring at her in confusion.

"I try," she answered.

"My mum is a superhero," he was dumbfound. "I thought you were just a trouble magnet."

"No, that's Eggsy."

"My dad,"  he said because tonight was the night they laid everything bare.

"No," she said firmly. "You have two mums. And an uncle who loved us enough to shoot his spunk into a cup so we could knock your mama up."

"Ack, don't say it like that!" Declan paled and then flushed bright red. "Oh god that is so gross."

"Don't be mad at your mama for trying to save you the heartache she went through every time I walked out the door."

"Will you still lie to us?"

"I have to," Roxy said. "Mission parameters aren't for your ears. You can know I'm a spy but beyond that, not much."

"Wait...you aren't a superhero, you're James Bond? That's so much cooler!" Declan said.

"Please, the bitches at MI-6 ain't got nothing on us," Roxy sneered. "Dickless wonders don't have half the gadgets we do thanks to Merlin and his team."

Declan hugged her. "I'm sorry, Mum."

Roxy held him tight. "I'm sorry too, and so is your Mama. And we should get back to her, so she can kill me."

"But you could take her in a fight," Declan said as they headed back to the bullet train.

"Have you seen her with those knitting needles?" Roxy shuddered. "I am not stupid enough to go up against those."

When they got home Sarah took one look at them. "Well then." she looked at Declan. "What do you think?"

"Uh...the back storage area of the tailor shop is really neat?" he tried to lie.

"Christ, you lie as badly as your mum," she said. "You can't tell anyone, talk about this with anyone not attached to the Kingsman. No friends at school, or anything. No bragging that your mum has saved the world 7 times."

"7?" Declan squeaked.

"Well really 6, I argue that Guinevere is responsible for that issue resolution in Mexico City," Roxy said.

"Oh my god there are code names," Declan sat down and it all finally came together in his head. "Everyone I know, my whole family...they are all superhero spies." He looked at them. "But Uncle Harry is...well he's Uncle Harry. He can't be a super spy."

"Harry Hart Harry Hart, super spy, super spy," Roxy whispered. "It's even worse. He's in charge of us."

"Everyone's going to die," Declan responded and Sarah giggled.

"Don't worry, Merlin is in charge of him, really," Sarah said.

Declan breathed a little easier at that. "Mum?"

"Yeah baby?" Roxy sat down next to him and hugged him. Sarah hugged him from the other side.

"You're a spy."

"I am," she agreed.

"Shit," he said.

"Don't swear," his mother's said at the same time.

"Sorry," he said swiftly. He let them hold him tight. It was a lot to take in. He had to rethink everything he thought he knew about his mum. "What can you tell me?" he finally asked.

"I can tell you about the day I met Eggsy," she said. "And I can now tell you the best story of all. The true story of how I met your mama. It's a great story."

"Eggsy was in a coma, how is it a great story?" Sarah asked.

"Because I saw your smile and pink hair."

And that was just too much for Declan to handle. "Mama had pink hair?!"

"Oh poor boy, you think the secret of me being a spy is rough. Wait until you see the photos of your Mama from when she was a model."

"You're a paralegal!" he shouted. 

"Nude model sometimes," Roxy added just to pour salt onto the wound. 

"I will never recover from this shock," he moaned.

"See that drama you get from your Uncle Harry," Sarah said. "Just tell the boy about meeting me over Eggsy's comatose form."

"Once upon a time, Eggsy was an idiot and got himself put in a coma by some very bad dudes," Roxy began.

Declan settled into listen. It was so much to process. He was definitely going to angle for a couple days off.

It wasn't everyday that you learned your mum was a stone cold killer. And your mama used to have pink hair. It was too much for a kid.

 


	112. Gingerbread zombies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> current time so gawain and chris have righted their relationship. chris had been away in paris for a month working as a studio drummer and been back just a few days.

Gawain let himself into his boyfriend's house. He was still tickled pink that Chris had given him a key. Chris had only been back for a few days and said he needed some space to settle in. He had said though to come over for dinner. Gawain arrived at three not able to wait any longer to see the man. It was pathetic and Taliesin and Hamish could never find out. "Hey babe," he called out from the foyer. 

"Hey fuckface, in the kitchen," Chris shouted back.

His boyfriend was so cute. Gawain took his coat off and was confused. There was holly all over the coat rack. Weird. He turned and walked in a little and pulled out his gun. He could believe what he was seeing. It was a fucking winter wonderland. There was a huge tree and garland and wall art and everything seemed to be Christmas-y.

And not one skull. It was all traditional. Red and greens and golds. No blood or guts or skulls or trashy stuff in sight. It looked like a goddamn movie set. Martha Stewart would arrange a hit on someone to make it look this good. Gawain could only assume mind control, or something.

This wasn't Chris.

"Chris?" Gawain called. "You have any troubles with traffic today?" he asked. It was a code question and he stopped breathing as he waited for a reply.

"Wot? What traffic? Didn't go anywhere today unless you count three doors down to bring Mr. Cohen a gift," Chris said. 

Shit, either Chris had forgotten the code answers Gawain had tried to drill into him, or...

"You have your mum, or an aunt, or someone in?" he asked.

"Why are you shouting, just come back here!" Chris called.

Gawain refused to put the gun down. Even the hallway was decorated. He could smell gingerbread and something else. Fuck even the kitchen looked like a bloody Christmas card. "Chris, babe, what the fuck happened in here?"

Chris ladled something from the stove into a mug. "You are early, ya fucking tosser," he said and kissed Gawain, ignoring the gun. "Here, this will soothe whatever is lodged up your arse, unless it is something fun and then I can soothe that later." He winked and ladled himself up a mug as well.

Gawain sniffed it. "What is it?"

"Mulled cider. The store stuff is okay, but always needs a punch so I worked it over a little bit." Chris sipped and hummed happily. "Yeah, that's the good stuff." Something dinged and Gawain almost shot the Santa that started to Ho Ho Ho on the counter. "Shit, how much coffee you had?" Chris asked. He put his mug down and opened the oven and pulled out two trays of ginger bread men.

Gawain looked at them. "They aren't pornographic," he said numb.

Chris looked scandalized. "This is my Great Great Aunt Patience's recipe. I use her cutter. Of course they aren't pornographic." Chris frowned at him "And put the gun away. What is with you? Bad day? Are you headed out?"

"No, Harry tries his best to keep us all close this time of year. And with the anniversary coming up, we are all supposed to be doing mandated therapy shit." Gawain looked around. "I don't get it," he said helplessly.

"Get what?" Chris moved the cookies to a cooling rack and then sat down. 

"Your house," Gawain replied.

Chris looked around confused. "Yes, this is still my house. Did you forget? Are you have an episode? Shit, are you having PTSD? I'm calling Hamish he knows how to deal with this shit." Chris yanked out his phone.

Gawain finally put his gun away and gently took the phone from Chris. "I'm fine."

"Promise?"

"Promise. I just didn't expect you to like Christmas."

Chris froze a bit. "Wot's that supposed to mean you fucking tosser?" This time it had a little less affection to it.

"Well, I figured if you decorated you would have like skulls and bah humbug stuff everywhere," Gawain said. "All your concert poster are down for like vintage Christmas movie posters and cheesy christmas art bought at mall kiosks."

"My mum painted most of those," Chris said. "Remember when you got gut shot? You angling for a second?"

"This isn't you," Gawain said. "This is Burl Ives, and Bing Crosby, and you are..."

Chris leaned forward. "What am I, Rhys? Tell me. Tell me that you know everything about me, that you know why this is or isn't me. Go on, explain me to myself."

"You like the clown with cactus dick I bought you for your windowsill," Gawain said.

"Best gift ever," Chris replied immediately.

"You have 6 snow globes on that spot now."

"Not everything has to be edgy, or ironic, or counter culture. Sometimes you grow up in a perfectly normal family Rhys with carols and movie watching, and a mum making a Christmas roast while a dad falls asleep on a couch because he spent all night away putting together a starter drum kit for his kid. And sometimes that kid grows up to be a punk, but that doesn't mean he stops loving Christmas."

Gawain looked around. "I don't know what to do with all of this. It is so much."

"Oh boo fucking hoo," Chris said. "You don't know what to do with merriment and joy? You fucking tosser," He went to the fridge and grabbed some things and started making royal icing. Gawain watched in shock how perfectly he was making the stuff. "You have a couple choices. Go back to your flat, spend the holidays at your favourite club and enjoy a Christmas with someone else who has nothing to look forward to for the holidays. Ask the pirate for a mission, gather whatever other spies like to mope over the holidays."

"I'm not moping, this is just a lot of cheer to take in - especially from you," Gawain protested.

Chris pointed a whisk at him menacingly. "I am a cheerful person fuck face. I am full of joy and cheer and happiness all the fucking time. Last guy I held a broken bottle to, made a comment about how fucking happy I seemed. Now, either get on board with the fact that I like Christmas. That I will be singing and dancing along to all the numbers in White Christmas, that yes Virginia, I do believe in Santa. That there is cookie making and carol singing, and charity doing and all the fucking happiness in the world. Or come back on January 5th when the place is back to normal."

"I bought you a really tacky and appalling gift," Gawain said.

"I love that shit."

"Even for Christmas?"

"Just wrap it all pretty for under the tree and it will be perfect." Chris looked at him. "Bet you were so busy freaking out that you didn't even notice you have a stocking hung over the fire place did you?"

"I do?" 

"Fucking tosser," Chris rolled his eyes. "Now get out of my kitchen while I ice these cookies. Go put on a movie and I'll join you. Dinner is in the slow cooker so we don't even have to order in. Can even put on the Christmas jammies I have for you."

"This is too weird," Gawain said and drifted out of the kitchen.

Chris listened carefully for a bit, but he didn't hear the front door. He decorated 17 of the gingerbread men perfectly traditional and put one on a plate for himself. He then added a little dye to the last bit of icing and did the last cookie. He took them into the room and saw that Gawain had put on Elf. "That's a fun movie. Zero cynicism, only joy."

"The girl is cute," Gawain said.

Chris sat next to him and smiled. "Cookie?" He held up the plate.

Gawain looked at the two gingerbread men. One was missing a bite out of his head and red icing was oozing. The other gingerbread man had green icing and red dripping from its mouth. "Did you make me a gingerbread zombie?"

"Shut up and eat your cookie," Chris said.

"You love me."

"I will show an ornament up your arse," Chris warned.

"You made me a gingerbread zombie."

"Two ornaments."

Gawain hugged his boyfriend. Maybe he could do a traditional Christmas.

 


	113. A Very Owain Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there was a request for owain and hamish having christmas on tumblr.  
> this ended up more painful but ultimately sweet than I expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: this is ultimately a happy chapter but Hamish does discuss AIDs in the 80s and his horrible homophobic family

"Yes Mum, I'm home for Christmas," Owain said. "Yes Mum, I know you want your granddaughter at your house for Christmas, which by the way you've focused on and haven't mentioned me?" Owain waited and then grinned. "Yes, Mum, I know you love me too. But married now remember? Have to do all that in-law holiday negotiating. I mean Hamish don't talk about his family a lot, but I know they are there. So he and I will sort it and I will do my best to get you and Dad Christmas day, okay? I gotta go, Mum. Love you, bye," Owain said. "Parents," he muttered to himself. He finished getting dressed because of course his mum called before she went to work, and she always went in stupid early.

He went down to the kitchen and there was Hamish sipping tea and R2 in her booster eating cheerios and a banana. "Hey, you two," he said. "Where's Allison?" 

"When you spend the night she is now either at her flat or with Taliesin," Hamish said. "Been like that for the last week."

"Huh, I should have noticed that."

"Yes, you should have," Hamish agreed but smiled at him. "Mr. Mcniven, tea?"

"Yeah, and toast." Owain sat down. "So R2, sleep well?"

"Yessss," she drew out. Hmm, they might have to pay attention to that, Owain thought. "Da!" she handed him a bit of smooshed banana and he happily ate the mess. 

"Thanks, sweetie, but Papa is getting me food, so you enjoy." He watched her press cheerios into her banana and figured she was well occupied. "Hey, babe, Mum called. We need to sort the Christmas plans. Gem is Christmas eve with Mikey's family and Christmas day with her brother and dad. Merlin and Eggsy leave for Scotland Christmas eve morning, Roxy is with Sarah's family, and what I'm saying is we need to do that family negotiation stuff too, and sorry I waited until a few days before Christmas to do it."

"Remember to breathe when you speak," Hamish suggested. He brought Owain tea and toast. 

"You don't talk about your family a lot, but do you spend any Christmas time with them? Because Mum and Dad do up a huge Christmas day thing, movies and music and mulled wine and it is great."

"And the family that doesn't approve of your lifestyle?" Hamish asked.

"Nah, they never come, not invited. Christmas is about love, and Mum only lets nice people in the door. Dad will pick up Nana from the retirement home, and there is always a couple of Dad's grad students and a colleague of Mum's, island of misfits," Owain said. "Super nerdy and happy Christmas."

Hamish smiled. "That sounds lovely. I would like us to have Christmas morning at home with R2, build our own traditions, but we could go over after her nap?"

Owain grinned, "Really?"

"Really," Hamish said.

"Yes!!!" Owain jumped and clapped and R2 clapped along sending banana chunks everywhere.

**********************************

They were in bed that night when Owain realized what was bothering him. "Babe, you never said what your family does for Christmas."

"It is of no consequence this year," Hamish said and finished putting on his pajamas and crawled into bed. Owain automatically snuggled in.

"But we should include them," Owain pressed. "When do you usually see them?"

"For brunch on Boxing Day," Hamish said, voice shorter than it ever gets with Owain. "90 minutes from when I knock on the door to when they say I am probably very busy and they appreciate me stopping by."

"I don't get it," Owain said. 

"You know your family that protested your taking of R2?"

"Sure they are wankers, but they backed down quick," Owain said. "Took one look at you and the lawyer, and Mum's scary face and backed right down."

"My family wouldn't have backed down," Hamish explained.

"Oh...they aren't accepting?" Owain asked. "That sucks."

Hamish kissed his head. "No, they aren't accepting."

"But you've always been out - you said," Owain frowned. "Decades and they are still asshats?"

"My beloved monster, please let this go?"

Owain sat up and looked at him. His face hardened. "What did they do?" 

Hamish sighed and forced him back into a cuddle position. "Do you know Merlin and I have five things in common?" He hadn't wanted to share this with Owain, but conversely knew he had to. "We both will do anything and everything we can to bring our agents home to us, we both believe the song Ring of Fire is one of the best ever written, we both believe Arthur is a delightful thorn in our sides, we both are men of a quiet faith, and we were both gay men out in the eighties and had lovers die of AIDs."

"Shit," Owain said.

"He doesn't remember we saw each other in a hospice, but I am good with faces," Hamish explained. "And there is one fundamental difference. I heard him on the phone in there. He was clearly talking to his parents and saying things like yes I am being safe, yes I know you love me, I know Mum, I'll come home after. Yes I need a hug, yes I know you will squeeze the breath out of me." Hamish swallowed. "I can remember it so clearly because the weekend before my own parents, and other relatives all told me they 'hoped I died from God's punishment and when I did and burned in hell I would realize how wrong I had been.' They were quite disappointed that I never contracted HIV. I see them twice a year, my mother's birthday and Boxing day." 

"Why even that? Why not cut them off?"

Hamish was quiet and held Owain tight. "Because I didn't have any other family," he said finally. "And I hoped that perhaps they would change. And they never did. And at Mother's birthday they went on and on about the vileness of gay people adopting. And R2 will never, ever be exposed to them."

"I want them dead," Owain said.

"And that is why I had yet to tell you about them," Hamish replied. "I don't need you to fight a very old battle for me. I have given my regrets and Mother said if I didn't show, I would lose the very few things that I was to inherit. Most of it was going to relatives who lead a just and holy life anyways. I told her that we were done and I would dance on her grave." Hamish smiled a little at the memory.

"I'm sorry babe," Owain said. "But you have a family now, yeah? You got me and R2, and the Kingsman that you love. And Mum and Dad adore you. You have so much love surrounding you."

"Mr. Mcniven, I am blessed these days. Now we need to sleep, the next few days will be busy."

"Can we?" Owain kissed the sleep shirt Hamish had on. "I need to touch you."

"I am amenable to that," Hamish said and pulled Owain on top of him.

**************************************

"May I help you?" She looked at the young man and could tell in a look he was wearing a suit designed by Hamish. 

"Hi, I'm Mr. Jesse Mcniven, recently wed to Mr. Hamish Mcniven," Owain said.

"I have no interest in talking to you," she said and started to close the door.

"Yeah, but I want to talk to you, and it will be brief." Owain held out a photo. "Me, your son, our daughter. Christmas sweaters, looking happy. I thought you might want."

She sneered a little. "I don't see why."

"Fair enough," Owain smiled and liked when she paled. "Yeah, people are always scared when I smile, don't know why. Oh wait, I do. Here's the deal, you are going to cut off Hamish it sounds like, and frankly sounds like he is well rid of all of you. But you never can tell with people. They might look all proper and good but then cause problems for people they are supposed to love. They might call or send a mean letter, or try to interfere in a man's life. And that would be bad." Owain smiled a little bit more and put his foot in the door when she tried to slam it shut. "See? Never can tell with people. Why they might be the sort not to get when they are not wanted, in order to really make sure that someone gets the message to leave good men alone. See, I love Hamish, and fuck does he love me. Won't ever get how much he loves me I don't think. Maybe he got all the love that you weren't capable of and was just waiting for me and our daughter to let it shine. And if you ever, ever try to dim that shine even a little, ever again, I will walk into your house and before you die, before I extinguish the last flame of your life and that of your whole family, you will be in such pain that you will see the face of God, and see him turn his back on you as you fall into the hell you deserve." Owain nodded to her. "Happy holidays, ma'am." He put the photo back into his pocket and turned and whistled as he walked away.

It was time for some Christmas fun.

***************************************

"Papa, Papa, Papa!" R2 was jumping and trying to climb on the bed.

"How did you get out of your bed?" Hamish yawned and reached down to bring her up into their bed.

"Climbed!" she said and slotted herself between the two men. "Sana day."

"It is," Hamish agreed. "But we should let your Daddy sleep," he said, knowing that Owain had been up late putting together the toys Santa had left for R2.

"Daddy is awake," Owain said and turned and hugged R2. "I love my girl. And I love my husband. Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas, my beloved mons...monsieur," Hamish finished. "R2, let's go change your bottom."

"jama day," she insisted.

"Yes, today until we go to your grandparents will be a pajama day."

"Whoop!"

"Whoop indeed," Hamish said and took her back to her own room to change her. It gave Owain enough time to get downstairs, turn the coffee on, and the tree lights. Hamish had to carry R2 down so that in her excitement she didn't slip on the stairs. He lead her to the living room and smiled when she squealed.

"Castle!" she shouted. She kicked and Hamish put her down and she went to explore the play castle and found the costumes inside. She lost any words she had and just squealed and babbled at everything. Owain was taking a million photos and Hamish went and got coffee and some milk. He sat down and watched the two of them in great contentment.

Owain brought a gift over to Hamish. "For you," he said.

Hamish put his coffee cup down. "Interesting," he said. "Very interesting." He pulled loose each piece of tape, carefully.

"You are freaking killing me, babe," Owain groaned.

Hamish kissed his cheek. "I know, that's why I'm doing it," he joked.

"Bastard," Owain whispered.

Hamish took the wrapping off and opened the box. Inside was a slim volume of John Donne poems. Fairly old and in rather poor condition.

"Copy from like 1804," Owain explained. "First not cheap book I bought myself. That book...it's me," he said, hoping that Hamish would get what he meant by giving him the book.

Hamish ran a finger over faded ink on the cover. He made sure that when a tear fell, it didn't land on the binding. "My beloved," he whispered, as incapable of more words as R2 was still inside her castle.

"Told you, Christmas, it's all about love," Owain hugged Hamish. "I also got you shit I actually had to shell out money for."

"This matters more," Hamish said. He got up and went under the tree. "I have something for you as well." He handed the small box to Owain. "You can't wear a wedding band, not at work, but I thought this might stand in its stead."

Owain opened the box and nestled inside was a bracelet. Fairly similar in look to one of the friendship bracelets that rested on Hamish's desk.

"A metal alloy that Twitch created with Pilar and Lab Rat. They figure it is pretty close to the stuff that makes Wolverine's claws in the comic books. So it is very very durable. And has a tracker in it."

"Put it on me?" Owain asked.

Hamish fastened it to Owain's wrist. The design etched into the metal matched the wedding band Hamish wore. He kissed Owain's wrist. "Until -"

"No," Owain said. "No until, just always. Infinite."

"I find that acceptable."

"More!" R2 shouted and both men went to the floor to help her open her other gifts.

***************************************

Hamish was a little overwhelmed by how boisterous the party at Jesse's parents's house. Everyone was talking and eating and R2 was high on a great deal of sugar and running around. Somehow Owain's father was napping in the middle of the chaos as his grad students were cheerfully arguing about something with a few people from the British Library.

Owain and his mother and Nana came out of the kitchen carrying yet more food. Hamish was full, rather past full, but the mince tarts did look quite good.

A grad student said something and Owain's mother slammed down her platter. "If you even think about bringing that Marlowe wrote some of Shakespeare's plays bullshit into my house, I swear to god I will go to work, steal the first folio and feed pages down your throat until you choke on the greatest words ever written and shit out a sonnet. You'll die, screaming that Shakespeare was and is and always will be your personal god."

"Yes ma'am," the boy said quickly and Owain snorted.

"Ahh, that's where he gets it from," Hamish realized.

"Sexy, innit?" Owain's father said sleepily. "Sometimes I rile her up by talking about how Restoration plays are superior. That's always a good night. Though she is all talk, not like Jesse." The man looked at Hamish. "Glad he found you son." There was a wealth of meaning in those words, things unsaid but understood.

"We are almost the same age," Hamish said.

"Marry my son, become my son, easy math," the man replied. "He said your family was shit."

"They are," Hamish replied. He took an R2 bullet to the leg when she ran up and hugged him and then ran away again.

"We're weird but not shit."

"I don't find you that weird." Hamish looked at all the piles of books and papers and general clutter. At the top of the Christmas tree was a star made of pages of poems. "I find you delightful. And I am grateful."

The man leaned over and hugged Hamish. "Think you've been short of hugs, son."

Hamish leaned into him. He smelled of medical cream, and whisky, and the food that had been passed around. "Not since Jesse walked into my change room," Hamish said.

"Good. Boy was always a champion hugger."

"Babe, I brought your guitar, you need to sing us some Christmas shit," Owain shouted over all the other noise. 

"Shit," R2 shouted.

Owain winced. "I'm paying for that later," he muttered. He went over and gave Hamish the guitar and sat on the floor next to his dad. "Come on love, sing us the Christmas blues."

Hamish smiled at his beloved monster. "No blues today, darling." And he broke into a rollicking version of Holly Jolly Christmas.


	114. conversations about the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in after hours eggsy and merlin talk about merlin and harry's sexual past. harry and percival need to have a talk to. set about a week after merlin's accident.

Percival was snuggled into the couch knitting. Fezzik was snoring on the ground and Dread Pirate Mewttins was off plotting his death, Percival assumed. He had decided on a hat, with some cabling. He loved cabling, it required just enough attention to keep him focused but still soothing. It was good right now, while Harry was with Merlin a lot. He understood completely but he needed to occupy his time. Not like there was work, things were a little shut down, though Liz was trying to at least keep the gears oiled.

Percival heard the door open, ears sharp as always. He though about meeting the man, but decided to wait to for Harry to come to him. He kept working on the cable. Harry came in and poured himself too much gin. 

"No," Percival said.

"Eggsy is still mad at me."

"The gin won't solve that," Percival pointed out.

Harry sat down but not near his husband. "Are you mad at me?" He looked at the glass. Harry couldn't look at his husband.

Percival kept knitting. "Why would I be mad at you?" 

"Because I used to have sex with Merlin."

"I used to have sex with James, are you mad about that?" Percival frowned, things weren't matching up. He opened the magazine to look at the pattern. Crap, two rows ago he miscounted. He debated just to keep going and sighed. It would bother him forever and he began to frog the last twenty minutes of work.

"You were partners, why would that bother me?" Harry asked.

"Past relationships are just that the past," Percival replied. "I am pretty sure you and Merlin have no intentions of banging one out any time soon. I'm pretty sure it has been at least a dozen years since you even did so."

Harry looked at his glass. "Because I never told you." He waited for Percival to yell, to talk about honesty in their relationship, waiting for everything he had been fearing since the truth came out. And there was just silence. Percival's silence was the worst and cut him deep. Harry wiped the tear that was gathering. And jumped when Percival snorted and began to laugh. "I'm heartbroken at betraying you and you laugh?" Harry asked.

Percival collected himself after another minute. "Oh Daddy, there is no betrayal. I told you long ago that I understood about yours and Merlin's relationship, and I meant it. I meant it then, I mean it now."

"You knew we were friends, family, but you didn't know -"

"Harry I once walked in on you sucking his cock," Percival interrupted. He realized that this information seemed to have froze Harry and he reworked those rows that he had had to pull out. He could wait.

"You didn't," Harry said finally.

"Very well," Percival agreed.

"When?"

"I don't remember the date," Percival said slowly. He finally put the yarn down. Percival stood up and went to Harry and took the glass away. "It was after..." he was quiet.

"The time after Merlin's suicide attempt," Harry said able to easily infer from his husband's tone. Percival nodded. "He was at the gym, and trying to destroy himself," Harry remembered. "We fought, yet again over what he did and then we fucked. He was hurting so much on the inside, that he wanted the outside to hurt."

"I was at the estate late, James had had a rough mission and needed to be alone at the flat. So I was crashed there for the night and heard the noise in the gym. I thought to find a sparring partner. And you two were past the sparring and onto the fucking. Neither of you was enjoying it, but it was vital, necessary in that moment. It was so...feral?" Percival struggled for the right word.

"I hated him so much for thinking he could take himself away from me," Harry said. 

"I imagine he felt a similar thing after you were shot in the head."

"He was almost taken away from me again, Michael," Harry began to weep. Percival wrapped his arms around his husband, rocked him, soothed him as best he could. "I almost lost him."

"Shh, Daddy, he's still here, you haven't lost him, shh, darling," Percival crooned. "He's still here, and you two will bicker for decades to come." He kept rocking Harry until the crying slowed. He tilted his husband's face up and kissed the tears. "My love, it's okay to be hurting right now."

"I...it's about Lachlan, and Eggsy, and fixing everything. And I don't know how to fix it." Harry leaned his head on Percival's shoulder. "It hurts."

"I imagine it does, so much. And will for a long time. But everything will heal, nothing is broken, and if it is, it will become something new." Percival hugged him. "It's going to be okay."

"And we're okay," Harry said, needed to hear.

"We were never anything else," Percival promised. "I know you Harry. I know how you feel about me, and him, and everyone around us. Daddy, you take such good care of us. Perhaps take care of yourself a little right now too?"

Harry bit his lip. He took off his eye patch, the strap digging in after the long day. Percival was the only one he did this easily around. "Could you take care of me?" Harry asked. "I need you to take care of me tonight."

"Daddy, that is always my pleasure." Percival kissed him again and stood him up. "Shower, some bondage and then a late snack, I think. And tomorrow no sneaking off to the hospital alone, you take me with you. Let me stand beside you."

"I was scared you wouldn't."

"Well, you are an incredible drama llama," Percival pointed out. "That line of thinking warrants the Hat of Silly Thoughts."

"Can't I wear booty shorts of shame?" Harry asked.

Percival smiled. "If you prefer." And he guided Harry upstairs, to take care of his perfectly imperfect husband.


	115. Doll on the Shelf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long time ago, Bors made he and Pilar day of the dead amigurumi figures and they have a place of honour in the house. But now they are three and he wants to make the perfect figure for Twitch but he needs a lot of help.

Bors was annoyed. It wasn't going well. The other two had worked fine. Okay, not fine they took forever and he never did get the blood out of the Pilar doll's lab coat, but still. They had been easier than this. He had a pattern, one that cost him 8 pounds, too, but it was clearly written by an intoxicated chimp. He needed Mrs. Blackwell. He put the yarn away and pulled out a grenade. This mattered more than a clean mission.

"Bors, what do ye think you are doing?" Merlin roared in his ear. "This is a fact finding mission."

"I have found the fact that these are all assholes who need to die," Bors said. "No civilians currently in the building, but the head of the operation and his second in command are doing inspections and eliminating them will cause an internal scramble and blood bath that will take at least 4 months to resolve."

"That is not the mission," Merlin said. 

Bors walked and whistled and threw the grenade in the house and kept walking as the explosion went boom. "Whoopsy daisy," he said cheerfully. "Headed to the extraction point."

"Ye are getting as bad as Harry was," Merlin yelled.

"Awww, and he's your favourite, so that's a compliment," Bors answered. He heard footsteps coming after him. "Shit, someone lived, an escape route Merlin?"

"Just throw another grenade that solves everything right?" Merlin snarked and hung up.

Bors shrugged and just started running. He'd find his way probably. Two hours later, Liz was finally in his hear and guided him out. So maybe he wasn't becoming Merlin's favourite after all.

******************************************

"Mrs. Blackwell, we have an emergency," Bors said walking into the yarn store.

"Oh dear, the yarn cannon not working?" she asked putting down her knitting. Doris was there sipping tea, and Mrs Carson was ringing up a sale.

"No, it's fine. I just bought the shittiest pattern on the planet, and I have frogged it twice and lit the mess on fire once, and it needs to be perfect." Bors flopped in a chair and crossed his arms in a strop. "I am a failure. Take me out back and strangle me with some fun fur."

"You know I don't sell that crap in my shop," Mrs Carson said as she came over. "Now I will get you a cuppa and a biscuit and we'll show you it isn't that bad. We'll get it sorted."

Mrs. Blackwell was frowning. "Did an intoxicated chimp right this?" 

"Thank you!" Bors waved his hands. "It's horrible."

"What needs to be perfect then?" Doris asked and reached for the pages. "Because no project needs to be perfect."

"It has to, because it completes the set," Bors replied. "Pilar practically built a shrine in the house to the day of the dead figures I made her and I, and I see Twitch staring at them, and sure he wears our ring, and knows that he is ours forever, but he doesn't have a skeleton doll on the shelf. He needs one on the shelf."

"But you made the two, why is this one so hard?" Mrs Carson asked, even as she was rubbing a soothing hand up and down his back.

"It has to be different," Bors insisted. "Like in the pattern. But that pattern sucks."

Mrs. Blackwell nodded. "Haven't made one like this before, but the four of us we can sort it out. Ladies, time to pattern." Bors grinned as all three women, pulled their hair back, like it was the most serious business ever. But it was for Twitch, which was serious business.

*******************************************

Twitch got home, cranky as hell. "Gawain is gonna die," he shouted out.

Pilar peeked out from the kitchen. "Lab rat has a new poison, we can experiment?" 

Twitch sniffed. "Are you making tamales?"

"I am, the email you sent earlier filled with strangling gifs suggested you might need a treat today," she gave him a big smile. "Got a treat for you later too," she winked.

"You are too good to me kitten."

"I am," she agreed and disappeared back into the kitchen.

Twitch went upstairs and had a shower and changed into yoga pants and a pink t-shirt. He went downstairs and into the living room. He sat down beside Bors and settled in. "Hey babe, Merlin is still pissed at you, you know. No rockets in any car your borrow for a month."

Bors pouted. "But I have that job in Berlin! It totally needs rockets."

"Shouldn't have disobeyed orders, Jump." Twitch kissed his cheek and the corner of his eye noticed something. The shelf looked different. There were Pilar's paper flowers, and a doily made by her great grandmother. And the two dolls made by Bors. 

But now there was a third.

Twitch frowned. 

"Oh come on, you weren't supposed to notice it right away," Bors said, disappointed. "I wanted it to be a couple days."

"Why? So for a second you wouldn't be the most oblivious person in the house?"

"Pretty much," Bors agreed.

"You made me one?"

"Course, you are a part of the family right?" Bors grinned. "I mean next I have to tackle a dog one for Niels, but he doesn't care so much does he?" The dog woofed in agreement from the floor.

Twitch looked. His was in his mechanic's jumpsuit, just like Bors was in his Kingsman suit, and Pilar was in her lab coat. It was great and Bors must have put so much work into it. "Thanks, Jump, I love it." He kissed his love's cheek.

Bors hugged him. "Go get it."

Twitch got up and brought it back over. He realized it was actually a little bigger than the others, which made sense, he was bigger than Bors and Pilar, but his finger snagged on something. "Huh?"

Bors gestured and Twitch handed it over. "You've been rocking dude a little more recently, you always do in winter, but that doesn't mean I think it is the whole of you, that I don't want to show the whole of you." He pulled and it was velcro at the back. He struggled for a minute but then the little doll turned inside out. It was the exact same head, but this time the doll was in Twitch's favourite dress to wear when he had a budget meeting with Merlin and Arthur.

"Jump," Twitch swallowed, and did his damnedest not to cry.

"See! The doll is fluid, like you. Pretty dress, mechanic jumpsuit. Get it, get it?" Bors asked.

"Yeah Jump, I get it," Twitch agreed. He climbed onto Bors lap and hugged him tight. "I get it."

"I did good?"

"Good enough, I'll sneak you a car rocket for that Berlin trip," Twitch promised.

Bors settled his hands on Twitch's perfect arse. "You are the best, baby."

"You are an idiot, but the best one here," Twitch said. "Fuck, how you love Jump, once you wrap your brain around it. How you accept -"

Bors gave him a light smack. "Nothing to accept. You are Twitch, that's it. Easy to accept. Like Pilar's webbed toes. Just a part of who you are."

Twitch hung his head against Bors's. "Webbed toes and gender fluid are the same in your brain?"

Bors frowned. "Wait aren't they supposed to be?"

Twitch laughed. "I don't even know."

Pilar whistled that dinner was ready and they got up and Twitch carefully put his doll back the shelf, kissing the top of the Bors and Pilar one.


	116. Close counts in horseshoes and grenades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the incredible pemberley-press did some Eggsy and yarn art and it immediately put a story in my head

"182, 183, 184," Eggsy was counting. Jesus this shawl had been a stupid idea, no matter that Mrs. Carson would love it.

"Eggsy, what do you want for dinner?" Merlin asked popping up beside him.

Eggsy ignored his fiance, "185, 186, 187,"

"Okay, we'll go with the thai I want," Merlin said when he was ignored. "Bugger...is the number 084 or 234?"

Eggsy started down at his counting and then glared at Merlin. "Never interrupt when stitch counter you arse."

"But -"

"I, 2, 3," Eggsy began again and his gaze dared Merlin to say anything to him. 

Merlin left the room and googled the number for the thai place.

***********************

"86, 87, fuck you lace weight, 88, 89, burn in a fire you perfectly lovely yarn, 90, 91, 92, when I block you you better come out as perfect as the pictures in Interweave, 93, 94."

"Galahad, how many guard did ye say were on that building? 8 or 9?" Merlin said in his ear.

"You bastard," Eggsy shouted. 

"Galahad?" 

"I was counting stitches, Merlin!"

"Ye are on a mission," Merlin replied in shock.

"Recon, knitting is a good cover," Eggsy said. "Only I hit a part where I had to check my stitch count and some fucking asshole ruined that."

"I'm sure you are close enough," Merlin replied. "Now then the guards."

"Close enough?" Eggsy's voice was deadly calm. "Close enough?"

"Agent, remember your training," Merlin said swiftly.

"I'll show you close enough."

"Do nae botch the mission over some bloody yarn, Agent Galahad."

"I'm a professional Merlin," Eggsy said calmly. "And there were 9 guards on rotation, Merlin."

"Thank ye, Galahad."

Two nights later Eggsy chained Merlin to the bed and edged him for hours and then when Merlin was begging Eggsy smiled evily. "I'm sure you are close enough," he said and left to watch some telly. Merlin broke the chains easily enough and went to chase down his bastard of a husband.

***********************

"28, 29, 30," Eggsy muttered to himself.

Merlin woke up screaming from a nightmare, in pain where his leg should be.

Eggsy put the yarn down and went to hug him tight.

***********************

"16, 17, 18," Eggsy said.

"Ye aren't far yet, I can interrupt," Merlin said relieved. "I think we might need to do some renovations on the house."

Eggsy pulled out a gun. "You'd think losing count at less than 20 wouldn't bother me, you really would," Eggsy agreed. He flicked the safety off. "You'd also think after a 10 years you'd learn your lesson."

"You would think that wouldn't ye?" Merlin smiled and rocked on his heels a little. He smiled. "So about those renovations..."

Eggsy blasted water into Merlin's face from the water gun and then tossed it at him when it was empty.

He went back to counting.

He hated renovating the house.

*************************

"55, 56, 57," Eggsy said.

"Hey Eggsy, can you help with my homework. It's fractions? Like I care about 5/16ths or whatever the fuck this says," Sasha said walking in and looking at his data pad.

"Sasha, baby, I love you," Eggsy said calmly. "But you never interrupt me when I'm counting stitches. Break my count, I break your legs." Eggsy smiled. "Now what's the homework help you need?"

"I'll go ask Merlin," Sasha replied and backed out of the room. He hurried to the kitchen and threw his pad onto the table. "You bastard, you set me up! 'Go ask Eggsy, he's nae busy, he's good with fractions, if he is counting it is no biggie, just ask what ye need' You wanker!" 

Merlin cackled. "Yeah, he really hates that."

"So if you hear him counting, holding yarn, you leave him alone." Sasha nodded to himself, right I can do that, he thought to himself.

"See that is a good policy, Daisy follows it. Me, I take a slightly different tact."

Sasha looked at him in confusion.

Merlin stirred the sauce. "I do it on purpose to fuck with him."

"That's a dick move," Sasha said in shock.

"He constantly fucks up my WoW raids," Merlin said. "Be a dick, get a dick in return." Merlin tilted his head. "Well that came out wrong."

"Yeah," Sasha said.

"Well, mind the sauce, I'm off to fuck him up," Merlin said cheerfully and left the kitchen.

Sasha went over and stirred the sauce.

"You fucking bastard I was up to 241 of 275!" Eggsy roared. "You better run!"

There was the thump of feet running and Sasha stayed in the kitchen. They were really fucking weird sometimes.


	117. All Dogs Go to Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pemberley-press requested some Liz/Tristan with a side of Sin, which allowed me to write this chapter that has been in my head for awhile.  
> Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in the Spring of 2018 a month or two before liz and tristan's wedding. Warning sad chapter okay?

"Taliesin," Liz said into the comms. "How goes the mission?"

"Good," Taliesin said in his hotel room. "Going to parameters, extraction should be required in 72 hours as we expected."

"Very good, agent," Liz agreed and they talked about the mission a little bit more. When they were done Liz when quiet.

"What's up?" Sin asked.

"We went to the vet," she said. She swallowed back the tears. "Bilbo is...tomorrow night at home."

"I see. Thank you for the intel," Sin said formally and hug up. He packed up his gear and left the room spotless and went out to finish the job. He was ruthless and terrifying and was on a last minute flight home to London, having dropped his weapons at a safe house. He walked into Tristan's house at dawn and sat beside him at the kitchen table and took the cup of tea the man offered.

"Liz is going to be pissed when she wakes up and sees you in here," Tristan pointed out.

"Wasn't not going to be here for you," Sin answered simply. He wrapped himself around Tristan's arm. "I was there when you got him."

"I remember," Tristan said and kissed the top of Sin's head.

Liz came down in her work suit and just sighed. "Of course," she said and went to make herself some toast. "Tell me you didn't go full Bors to get back so quick?"

"Promise, only half Bors," Sin replied. 

"I'm suspending you from active field missions for a month," she muttered. She gave Tristan and kiss and Sin's head a gentle pat.

"I don't think you have the authority to do that yet," Sin said. He frowned, clearly trying to think of the rules.

"Okay, no field missions for a month, or face my cricket bat," she said. "And you know Merlin will back me up."

"You think you could take me down?" Sin grinned.

"I know I could," she answered. "I don't try anything, I do. Wanna try me?"

"Faster Pussycat, nice," he said.

Tristan smiled a little, knowing they were bantering to distract him. He sipped his tea and the whole breakfast either Sin or Liz were touching him. The dogs all expect one were clamoring for their outside time.

"I just want to be in my sewing room today, with him," Tristan said softly. "Can you take care of the others?"

Liz nodded and gave him a kiss. "I'm here, okay?" She whistled and the dogs all got in line and waited for her to open the back door, and when she did they bolted. "Sin?"

"I haven't actually slept. Let me catch an hour and I'll help?"

"Sure," Liz agreed and went outside with the dogs. She wasn't going in today.

Sin stared at him. "You sure about alone?"

Tristan nodded and Sin went up to Liz and Tristan's bed to crash. He never used the guest room.

Tristan finished his tea and wiped the tears away. It wasn't the first time he had faced this but it was different. He cleaned the dishes and then went to the dog room. He crouched and there was his old friend. "Are you ready to go there and back again, Bilbo?"

Bilbo lit up seeing his master, as he always did, and woofed and tried to make it over to him. It was slow and so very painful, but he he always went when Sir called. Tristan hugged him tight and stroked his fur and kissed his nose. He laughed when Bilbo licked him.

"You and me and the sewing room today, just all day, just us. That sound good old friend?"

Bilbo woofed again, but the room would just be too far for him to walk and Tristan carried him. The sun streamed in the windows and Tristan put down some cotton quilt batting and settled Bilbo onto it. He then sat on the ground and lay out fabrics and talked to the dog and regularly stopped to hug and pet him and tell him what an amazing boy he was and how much Tristan loved him. Bilbo mostly slept.

Tristan could hear his people and his dogs moving around the house and mostly ignored it, and cut fabric and when he began to sew, Bilbo had crawled slowly, painfully to rest of Tristan's free foot.

When the junior kingsman kennel assistant arrived, Liz wouldn't leave. "Sin's with the other dogs. I'm not leaving you," Liz said. "I'll pull rank if I have to." Tristan looked ready to protest and Liz knelt beside Bilbo. "Well, buddy, do you think I should ever leave Graham's side?" Bilbo growled a little at that and tried to nudge Liz closer to Tristan. "I agree. I'm going to keep him safe, look out for him like you always have okay? Promise." She hugged him and whispered a small prayer in Hindi into his ear.

Tristan went to the shelf and pulled off a small quilt he had made for Bilbo, for this moment and what came after. He picked the dog up and carried him outside to his favourite tree. He wrapped Bilbo up and put him in his lap, and Liz settled beside them.

The kennel master pet Bilbo and carefully gave him what he needed to fall asleep one last time. He then went around the house to wait.

Tristan talked to Bilbo, stories of their thousands of walks and the day Tristan adopted him, his had stroking Bilbo's neck until Bilbo was very still. Tristan talked for a few minutes more and then sort of nodded to Liz. She went inside and got Sin, who came and took Bilbo to the kennel master who would drive him to the estate, where he could be buried with all the other good dogs, that had served the Kingsman.

That night the dogs were allowed in the bedroom as Liz and Sin both cuddled and soothed Tristan and in the morning they went to the grounds where the dogs were laid to rest and Arthur and Merlin and a bunch of the others showed up to Tristan's surprise. But everyone knew what the dogs meant to Tristan in a way they did to few others.

It was a good spot, sunny and with trees, and Tristan was heartbroken. But he could hear his other dogs running and barking, and Liz hugging him and Sin holding his hand.

He would cope. He'd miss his old friend dearly, but he would cope. To do otherwise would let Bilbo down. And he could never do that. Not for such a very good dog.


	118. It ain't a fear of flying

"Michelle?" Sean looked at her and was a little worried. She seemed tensed and kept fiddling with her jewelry. "Hun? You okay?"

"Yeah of course," she replied and smiled at him. "Going on an actual vacation with the most gorgeous guy ever, how could I not be?

Sean was about to answer when he overheard two women a little down giggle and whisper, "He is sooo dishy, totally a DILF." He turned bright red and looked at Michelle who just laughed and kissed his cheek.

"Sorry, babe, don't be so good looking and the ladies won't say anything." Michelle ruffled his hair a little, knowing it made him even hotter. A voice crackled into a microphone and said they'd be ready for first class passengers shortly and they could line up. Michelle watched a few people move and sat still.

"We have to get in line," Sean said.

"Huh?"

"We're first class too," Sean said. "Wasn't going to have you sitting coach on your first across an ocean flight. Wanted you to be comfortable and wouldn't have been allowed to take the one of planes that would have let me do that."

"But it's so expensive," Michelle whispered.

"I'm fairly well off, and your son also insisted," Sean explained. He pulled her up and took her in line. "Not like you've had something like this before."

"We went to Paris for that weekend, and again to take Daisy to Disney."

"Grown up, vacation, Michelle, means grown up treats," Sean nudged her forward and they showed their tickets and passports and soon we on.

"Jaysus, it's a fucking bed," Michelle said staring at her little cubicle. Some one pushed her a little to get her out of his way and she saw Sean ready to react. "Civilian wanker, stay calm." Michelle went and sat in her seat and was relieved that Sean was beside her, a little table in between them. "Bloody hell," she whispered. She heard a noise and flinched. "What was that?"

"Flight checks," he said. He looked at her. "Oh crap."

"No, it's fine."

"You are scared."

"Not scared of anything but a late period, Freddy Kruger, and climate change." Michelle looked at him. "Why? You scared?"

"Sure," Sean replied easily.

"Wait, wot?" Michelle was shocked. "You fly all the bloody time. Yer a pilot!"

"Exactly," Sean agreed. He held up a hand and a flight attendant came over. "Forgive me ma'am for this question, but who are the worst passengers, toddlers, cis white mid management sorts, or other pilots?"

She laughed a little. "Other pilots," she said easily. "Always sure they know better. Every dip, turn, seat belt sign, they swear they know what is really going on. Just the worst."

"Thanks," Sean grinned. "Promise I'll try not to be too much of an arse."

She laughed some more and handed them a warm towel. Michelle copied what Sean did. Michelle sat back and tried to settle in as people went by. "Long flight, over a big ocean," Michelle said.

"Yup and the one -" Sean cut himself off, "Well it is actually nothing, but I'm use to Twitch's team taking care of planes."

"This is going to suck."

"I recommend we have a couple drinks and try to sleep through most of the flight. And remember that soon enough we'll be on a private island, all alone, you and me and all that beach and water." Sean leaned over and nuzzled her.

The women who had giggled before walked by and went awwww and Sean hid his face in Michelle's shoulder. 

"Silly man," Michelle said. "But looking forward to that swimming with you. Is there a hammock? Always wanted to sway in a hammock."

"There is. Murder on my back but you can sway, while I sit on a deck chair and fall asleep ready a crappy book." Sean kissed her fingers. "Going to be brilliant."

"It will be," Michelle agreed.

They had to laugh though when they gripped each other's hands tight when the plane took off.


	119. A Better Mum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy is 10 or so.

"Hey, Mum!" Daisy called out. She was digging through a closet and couldn't find what she needed. "Help."

Michelle came up from the kitchen. "What are you looking for?" It was the junk closet so could be anything really.

"Photos of Eggsy from when he was my age. It's a project for school." The walls had tons of photos of Eggsy from the last few years, of the whole family, but she kept looking for dusty albums, long forgotten that would have photos of him. There were a few baby photos, but then nothing. "Can't find any pics of him between like what 7 and 24? I haven't actually found many photos. Like this one pack of 10 baby photos is it." 

Michelle didn't move closer. "You won't find any in there," she said.

"The attic?" Daisy asked. She put the tennis rackets back in, trying to remember if anyone in the house had even ever played tennis. "Your room?" 

"No." Michelle hugged herself. "You won't find any."

"I don't get it," Daisy said. "You take a million photos. Back then you would have had a camera. So less, but still. What about school photos, class ones?"

"They may have existed but would have been lost or left behind."

"Left?"

Michelle bit her lip. "Sorry, love, you'll have to think of another project." Michelle went back downstairs to the kitchen. She kept cutting vegetables and Sean looked up from the puzzle he was working on.

"Trouble?" he asked.

Michelle nodded but didn't turn around, kept chopping.

Sean slid a few more pieces into place and waited.

Daisy walked in, clearly thinking hard. "No pictures of Eggsy."

"I might be able to find five or six more. Might." Chop, chop, chop.

"5 or 6 to cover 17 years?" Daisy was shocked. "He did gymnastics. What about medals and trophies?" Michelle just shrugged. "Report cards, mother's day gifts." There was no answer. "Why is there no Eggsy in the junk closet? I'm stacked in there!"

"When I left your father, when we left, we left in a hurry. Eggsy and Harry helped, but it was a few hours of packing. A bunch got left behind."

"Everything of Eggsy got left behind? No way!" Daisy protested. "Not a mum like you. You have like everything I ever did. Why is there no Eggsy?"

"Daisy, how about you go watch some telly?" Sean suggested. He could see how tense Michelle's shoulders were. "Michelle put the knife down," he said. Michelle nodded and tossed the knife into the sink. Her hands were shaking and if she kept cutting, she'd hurt herself.

"Mum, answer me!" Daisy said. 

"What answer do you want?" Michelle turned to her daughter. 

"Why is there almost twenty years of missing Eggsy?" Daisy frowned. "Why didn't I notice it before? Why does a brilliant mum like you have so little of her son around?"

"Because I was a shit mum to him, alright!" Michelle shouted. "Because after his father died I stopped fucking caring, and ruined our lives. There is nothing to find because I didn't fucking give a damn about taking a photo at Christmas that had maybe one gift under the tree. I didn't care about his trophies I was too busy shagging a married bloke in the back of car and believing him when he told me he would leave his wife for me. And I let Dean mock every report card Eggsy brought home and threw in the trash and never dug them out."

Daisy flinched. "But you are a good mum."

Michelle laughed harshly and wiped away a tear. "No I ain't, I just got better at it."

"Eggsy thinks you are great."

"Well, your brother has too good a heart," Michelle said.

Daisy felt her lip quiver. "Mum?"

Michelle shook her head and turned the stove off and ran up to her bedroom and slammed the door.

Daisy sat down and looked at Sean. "She's a good mum."

"She is," Sean agreed. "I texted Eggsy he'll be here soon."

"Sean," Daisy's eyes were swimming. 

"Help me with my puzzle. The grey parts are a bitch." Sean reached out and squeezed her hand. Daisy nodded and began to sort pieces.

20 minutes later Eggsy walked into the kitchen. "What happened?" he asked. He looked at Sean who just nodded to Daisy. "Daisy?"

"Mum was a bad mum to you!" The sobs finally left Daisy and she stood up and crashed into Eggsy. Eggsy sighed, christ he had hoped she wouldn't ever learn about that. He picked her up and carried her to the living room. He held her close and rubbed her back, until the sobs lessened.

"She tried," Eggsy said. "And she thinks the bad made me forget the good. But it didn't. I remember before my dad died. I remember baking cookies, and watching Lady and the Tramp, and the alphabet jump game we played because I had a bit of trouble saying S words. I remember small bits of what you've almost always had."

"Did she become depressed? Like you know, medically?" Because that could explain it, forgive it. Make Daisy be able to understand it.

"No," Eggsy said. "I mean yeah, she grieved, yeah she was lost, but," Eggsy tried to find the right words. "Mum had never been without a boyfriend, without a man in her life since she were 15. And she was young. A young widow with little money and few skills to cope alone."

"That's not an excuse to neglect your son."

"No, but it is a reason." Eggsy kissed her head. "And it just...it slowly got worse and so slowly that you don't even see how bad it is. You get used to a mum who drinks, who focuses on the latest boyfriend because hey the fridge is full."

"She whored herself," Daisy said.

Eggsy sat her on the couch a little away from him. "Careful, Daisy."

"You are Eggsy!" Daisy shouted. "Why wouldn't she love you?"

"She loved me, Daisy," Eggsy replied firmly. "She just forgot to love herself and things went to shit."

"Because of my dad," Daisy said. "Because my birth father was a piece of shit."

"He was, god he was."

"Did he hurt you?"

Eggsy shook his head. "We don't need to talk about that. He is long gone and doesn't matter. What matters is you got a better life, a great life."

"A better mum." Daisy looked at him. "How don't you hate me?"

"Wot the fuck?" Eggsy spluttered. "How could I hate you?"

"Because I have a great life, because I know I had a rough start but I don't remember any of it. You remember all of it. You've had to watch her be great with me, knowing...knowing you didn't have that. She doesn't have anything of you."

Eggsy frowned. "Wot? She has the Eggsy box."

"No she doesn't," Daisy said. "I looked for you and couldn't find you."

"That...right, come on." Eggsy stood up and held his sister's hand and they went upstairs. He knocked softly on the closed door. "Mum? Can we come in?" There was silence. "Mum, we're coming in." He opened the door and she was on the bed, sure enough with the Eggsy box.

Daisy was confused and upset. "You said you didn't have anything! That's stuff! What the fuck?" She hurried over and looked at the Santa letters, and sure enough a gymnastics medal. "Why did you lie?"

Michelle shook her head and clutched the broken down stuffed animal that had been in there.

But Eggsy thought he might now. "Because it is only a box, and not a whole house."

"The box reminds me that I didn't try hard enough," Michelle added. "It reminds me that Eggsy turned out as wonderful as he did, in spite of me, not because of me. But there were a few moments where I remembered to be good. A few times, I gave him everything he deserved." Michelle looked at the small collection. "There is so little here, I didn't want it put into a collage or whatever you wanted to do."

"So you would rather I thought you were complete rubbish?"

"i was," Michelle said.

Eggsy sat down and hugged her. "You weren't. I swear you weren't."

Michelle leaned into him. "Lie."

Eggsy didn't respond, it had been a bit of a lie.

Michelle looked at Daisy. "I'm sorry. I'm not...I'm so far from perfect it isn't funny. I got better. But it doesn't make up for how bad it was."

"How is it fair that I have everything and Eggsy had nothing?" Daisy asked. She sat on the bed. "How do I live with knowing that you love me more?"

"Now that is wrong," Michelle said. "I have done better by you in every way. But that doesn't mean I don't love your brother with my whole heart."

"If you did, you wouldn't have hurt him like you did," Daisy said.

"I loved your brother. I love your brother. I fucked up. And we got fucked up. But I loved him." She thought maybe she should share a thing. "Dean and me were sitting in the pub after V-day, after things were back to normal. And your brother walked in, in a Kingsman suit, and wanted to take you and me away. And I thought maybe, maybe finally the hole I had dug myself into, had a ladder out. And Dean stood up. And his whole crew was with him."

"You told me to go," Eggsy remembered.

"I planned. In 30 seconds I saw the shape of the world. You were free. Free from Dean, and free from me. You would walk out and stay free and I would get Daisy to you, and you two would be safe and happy."

"You wanted to abandon me."

"I wanted you both free of me, of Dean. You would have been better without me." Michelle swallowed. "And if Dean ever went too far, it wouldn't be a loss."

"Mum," Eggsy said.

"But Eggsy kicked arse, and got us out, and I didn't have a drink for two years, until I could learn moderation again. And every day I swore to be a better mum to you. That maybe that would somehow make up for it, though I knew it couldn't. I am always so grateful you didn't remember how shit I was."

Eggsy kissed her. "I love you mum."

"I love you so much, baby." Michelle looked at Daisy. "I love you both."

Daisy was shook. Her mum wasn't perfect. But she watched the easy way Eggsy was hugging her, and how he had no resentment. "You are really okay?" she asked her brother.

"Oh sweetie," Eggsy said. "How could I ever be upset my amazing Daisy has everything? All I ever wanted from the second you were born was for you to be happy and loved. I have never resented you for a single second."

Daisy crawled across the bed and fit herself between her mum and Eggsy. "Can you tell me about this stuff, Mum?" She looked at the things in the box and pulled out the beer label. "Why this?"

"Lee dropped that bottle when I told him I was pregnant," Michelle said. The three sat on the bed while Michelle talked about the Eggsy box, Eggsy adding in a few memories of his own.

Daisy couldn't better her mum being bad or neglectful, or everything that had been suggested, but she knew they weren't lying about it. She had one question though. "What happened to him? To Dean?"

"Don't know," Eggsy said easily. "He was stabbed. A deal gone wrong, probably. The cops never found who did it."

"So a Kingsman did it," Daisy replied.

"The trash got taken out," Michelle said firmly. "And that is all we ever say about that."

"Yeah, okay," Daisy agreed. "Mum?"

"Yes dear?"

"It really sucks that you sucked."

Michelle nodded and squeezed Eggsy's hand to stop him from arguing it. "It does. It very much does."

Daisy hugged her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

They sat there in the family hug, until Sean called them all down for dinner.

 


	120. Being Neighbourly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> think it was time for some more outsider pov don't you?

"Why didn't we hire movers again?" John groaned as he carried the 100th box it seemed like.

"Because have you seen our mortgage?" Kate replied. "Movers would have been 500 quid easy! And we were supposed to have help," she said pointedly.

"Not my fault the boys magically found gunners tickets!" John got the box in the house. "What room?"

"It's labelled in front of your nose!" Kate was ready to commit murder.

"Excuse us?" a voice called from the doorway. The both froze, stopping the fight that was about to brew. "We're your new neighbours and it seemed like you could use a spot of help."

Kate hurried over. "Hi, I'm Kate," she said and held out her hand. The two men were not exactly dressed in the broken down denim they were, but trousers and cardigans. They were in their late forties and the one man had an eye patch with a skull on it. "Dr. Sexton. This is my partner John."

"Hello, I'm Harry, this is my husband Michael. He would like to apologize in advance."

Kate watched Michael roll his eyes. "Okay?"

"My dog's training is...well he is trying hard and we cannot find what hole he is using to get from our garden to yours."

John laughed a little. "Awww, what sort of cute little bugger is it?"

"Fezzik is English Mastiff and Black Lab," Michael said, "You'll notice if he is in your yard."

"Yeah that'd be a big fucker," John agreed.

"Language," Kate hissed. These two were clearly posh. This was a super posh neighbourhood and the only reason they could afford the house was John's latest book had been on the bestseller's lists forever.

Harry smiled. "A little cussing on moving day is understandable. You should have heard the words this one said the day we moved. And we had a great deal of help, which you seem to lack. Let us be neighbourly."

Kate looked at them, they seemed in good shape but still. "We have a lot of books and don't want to be a bother. The boxes are heavy."

"We're stronger than we look," Michael replied and went out to the moving lorry. 

"Hey, I'm not refusing help," John said. "That bed frame is going to be a bitch. We'll provide beer and pizza after."

"Lovely," Harry agreed and followed Michael out.

Kate glared at John. "Wot?" he said and shrugged. "I ain't turning down help. Your medical books suck."

"So do your D&D manuals."

John perked up. "Think the old guys would like D&D?" 

Kate rolled her eyes and hoped their new neighbours didn't die being helpful. But they didn't. They were handling everything with ease and good humour. They were nice gents and didn't sneer at the cheap pizza and beer afterwards. 

"You said you were a doctor?" Harry asked.

"Pediatrician," Kate replied. "John is an author. Latest not dropped below 3 on the Times bestseller list in 15 weeks."

"Kate," John tried to hush her.

"People talking about optioning it for a movie," she added. Michael saluted him with his beer. "What about you two?"

"I own Kingsman Tailors, Michael works in international sales for us," Harry said easily.

"Explains why the casual togs are still so posh," John said. "Looks good on you."

"Thank you," Harry said. He finished his beer. "But we have imposed long enough, you will want to settle as much as you can."

"We couldn't have done this without you," Kate said. "Truly, thank you for your help." John nodded his agreement.

"Just being neighbourly," Michael said and they took their leave.

In the morning they heard whining from the garden and John went down and opened the door. "Jesus you are a big fucker," he said staring at the dog. He sighed. "Come on then." He was surprised when the dog followed and when it saw its own front door it went tearing forward. John waved at Michael and went back to bed.

**********************************************

"Hey, babe? What's with the huge grocery list?"

"Party now that we are all settled, show the friends the house," Kate said. "Do you think we should invite Harry and Michael?"

"Sure, I like the old blokes," John said.

"50 isn't that far away for us too," she pointed out.

"Far enough away," he countered and went up nuzzled her neck. "Bet they don't do have the stuff we do."

Kate leaned into the touch and forgot her lists.

Two weeks later, she stared at the two men, dressed in impeccable suits for a house party. "Wow, you look gorgeous." She thought about the meatballs in barbecue sauce in the crock pot. "I said it was just casual right?"

"These are our casual suits," Harry replied. Michael was holding a plate of biscuits and Harry handed her two bottles of champagne. "An official welcome to the neighbourhood."

"Thanks," she said taking them. "Well mingle?"

"Lovely," Harry agreed. They went in and sure enough were chatting with their mates soon enough. Kate took the bottles to the Kitchen where John was filling bowls with crisps. 

"They brought champagne. I don't even know how to open these bottles," she said staring at them.

"Sure it is just some domestic sparkling -" John turned and look. "Those are 300 quid a pop!"

Kate put them down quickly. "What the hell? Everyone else brought six packs."

"Told you we bought too posh a house," John said.

"You love your attic office," Kate replied. 

"I do," he sighed happily. He kissed her cheek. "But not surprising people here have more money than us. Just hope our friends don't embarrass us too much." They both grabbed bowls and went back out and paused. It had only been a couple minutes but somehow a knitting circle had broken out with Michael in the middle and Harry was arguing with Collins, their friend who was a performance artist and currently painted like a skeleton about the best Audrey Hepburn movie. Okay then. They put the crisps down and moved about.

Harry perfectly opened the champagne later and gave an elegant welcome toast.

That night Fezzik broke in again.

*****************************************

Kate groaned. "You didn't," she stared at John. Collins and Joanna were also there.

And so were Harry and Michael.

"I offered, they didn't have to agree," John said.

"I'm a dwarf," Harry said downright cheerful. His eye patch had a hammer stitched onto it.

"I'm an elf," Michael added. "Range, bow and arrows. I like shooting things from a distance. I have zero charisma."

"I have a surprising amount for a dwarf." Harry batted his eyes at his husband. "Shall we make the love that dares not speak its name?"

John snickered. "They are doing great. Grab your character sheet babe, we'll port you in."

"Let me shower quick, I got sick on me," Kate replied. She showered and grabbed a beer and came back down. The three were looking at Harry and Michael in a mix of fear and awe. "Oh jeez did they die already? You always scale too hard for newbs."

John shook his head. "They just defeated a monster that was like five levels above them."

"It was totally baller," Collins said.

"I like this game. We might have to start our own game. Lachlan plays WoW a lot, bet he'd like it. And Eggsy likes anything."

"We need to get better first darling. Now be a dear and rifle through the dead monster's pockets," Michael said.

"Oh yes. Does it count as an action to loot a corpse?" Harry asked.

"I love you guys," John said.

"Just being neighbourly," Harry replied. "Can I keep its severed head?"

*********************************************

John was smoking in the garden, frustrated beyond all belief. He was cursing loud enough that he saw Michael glance over the fence. "Hey, Michael."

"John, a problem?"

"Writing is going shit today," John groaned and moved closer. "So I write political thrillers, romantic ones. They are the sort people buy at airports and forget two seconds later. I know this, but it don't mean I don't work my ass off on them."

Michael gave him a faint smile. "I read  _Exiled Promises_ while on a flight a month ago. I thought it was charming."

John stared at him and flushed a little. "Yeah?"

"Indeed."

"Thanks," John said. "So in the latest, I have my couple, Maria and Samir, fleeing through the streets of St. Petersburg and end up in open market and I can't find any google images or anything that suits my needs and it is stupid but I hate making shit up." He finished the cigarette and through the butt into a coffee tin. "Sorry mate, not your problem."

"I've been to St. Petersburg many times," Michael commented. "Once a month in the east of the city there is a market. I can offer some guidance."

"Fuck you are the best. Come on in." John took Michael up to his office and picked his brain for an hour. "Excellent and then I'll have Samir use a silencer and he'll kill -"

"No," Michael said.

"Sorry?"

"Silencers, even black market ones, suck. If he wants a person dead that close, knife through the left third rib angled up at about 30% and then pulled out swiftly and straight. You do it right, they bleed out into their own chest cavity, not even a mess to worry about trailing with you."

"Okay then," John scooted his chair back a little. "Riiiiight, because that wasn't creepy."

"We have a friend who used to be an officer with Scotland Yard, he worked a case with that once."

John relaxed a bit. "Gotcha. Shit do you think he'd let me ask him some questions some time."

"Sean is very friendly, I'm sure he'd be available for a chat at some point."

"Thanks, Michael. You know you and Harry really are the best neighbours a bloke could ask for."

"You two adequately passed security checks as well," Michael agreed.

John laughed, Michael had such a good sly sense of humour. "Beer?" John asked.

"Sure," Michael agreed. "Then I can pick your brain about Kyle and Anna and what happened to them after Cuba."

John grinned, shit Michael really had read his books.

************************************

Kate and John could hear music and looked out their kitchen window. They could see Harry and Michael dancing in their garden, Fezzik chasing bugs with a cat riding on him. 

"They are just the cutest," Kate said.

"Yeah, they're alright," John agreed. He swung Kate into a dance. It wasn't as smooth as what the guys were doing but he had some moves. He dipped her and they fell down. Okay he had no moves, but Kate loved him anyways.

*************************************

"Kate, thank goodness you are home. Declan fell off the sofa, and Harry is panicking. Help?" Michael babbled after Kate opened the door. He grabbed her hand and dragged her to the house. Kate could hear wailing as they crossed the threshold. She followed it and saw Harry cuddling a toddler who was sobbing. Harry was crying too.

"Aww, little one, did we go bump?" Kate asked softly.

"Our grandson, he is fearless," Harry said. "And sometimes that equals trouble."

"It is how little ones learn, and I bet most of his sobs are because of yours," Kate said. She held out her hands and the boy tucked into Harry more. "Oh little one, I just need to check you out," Kate said. "Make sure you are okay so your grandfathers can stop fussing. Because they are being silly billy's aren't they? A tough boy like you? Silly billy grandpas."

"Hawwy silly," he agreed. He leaned out a little and Kate too him from Harry's arms. He had a goose egg already forming but his eyes were clear.

"Roxy is going to kill me," Harry muttered.

"Little men fall, and their mamas know that," Kate said. They were so damn cute fussing like this. She looked him over. "He's fine," she promised. She smiled at the little boy. "You're fine, but I bet you can con your grandpas into an extra biscuit." The boy giggled and smiled at Harry.

"Three," Harry offered immediately.

"Sarah is going to kill us, all that sugar," Michael said.

"Grandfather privilege." He took Declan to the kitchen and Michael thanked Kate profusely and she waved it off.

The next day a huge bouquet arrived at her office, with a gift card to a posh restaurant. The two were way too extravagant.

She also ended up with three new patients, all sent by Harry. But Declan, Daisy, and R2 were the most adorable kids ever.

*********************************

"Swear, I saw the weirdest thing, babe, when I got up to piss last night," John said over breakfast.

"Oh?" Kate was reading her emails.

"Walked by the window and thought I saw Harry in his wearing double holsters like a gangster or some shit."

Kate looked up from her phone. "Right, no more red wine for you. That is a fucked up dream."

John laughed. "I know right? I saw the guy stab himself with a knitting needle."

Kate shook her head. "Writer's imagination. I'll pick up takeaway tonight." She kissed his head and went to get ready for work.

**********************************

They were walking home from brunch together, Harry and John arguing about a D&D point, and Michael asking Kate about her practice when a man popped out of an alley and brandished a knife. "Give me your fucking wallets."

"No," Harry said.

The guy made a stabbing motion and John carefully reached for his wallet. He also tried to step a bit in front of Harry wanting to protect the old guy. "Here it is mate, got 40 quid in it," John said.

"Lady's purse too," he growled. "And you two, come on. You look rich."

Kate threw her purse at him, ready to run. 

Harry just stepped around John, grabbed the man's wrist and wrenched so that he dropped the knife. He then pushed the would be robber towards Michael who gut punched and twisted and slammed the man into the brick wall, knocking him out. Harry picked up the knife and sighed. "Ugh, such a cheap blade. You would need so much thrust to do decent damage with it." He pocketed it. He picked up Kate's purse and handed it to her. "Now then, about levelling up..." Harry and Michael started walking again like nothing had happened.

Kate and John followed home and Harry waved and went along to his. Michael paused. "I saw how you tried to protect Harry, that was kind."

"Just being neighbourly?" John said, still in shock.

"We took self defense classes after V-day. Harry lost his eye but we were lucky. We decided to protect ourselves better," Michael explained.

"Of course," Kate said. "No of course, that is the most logical explanation for you two being badasses."

"It is, isn't it?" Michael agreed. "I have to travel, so I'll miss the next D&D session, but Harry will be there. Perhaps with his son who has been eager to try it out."

"Sure," John agreed. "Great."

"Lovely." Michael moved along to his house.

Kate and John went into theirs. "Are we going to talk about that?" Kate asked.

John bit his lip. "Nope," he decided. "They are the friendly old blokes who live next door and are neighbourly. And that's all we want to know. They say they are tailors and they wear posh as shit suit, so think that is what we know."

Kate nodded. "They are really great neighbours. Fezzik, notwithstanding."

"Yup, and that is all we know," John said. "Just adorable old neighbours."

**********************************

"We really need to be more subtle," Michael said to Harry that night. "They aren't dumb."

"I know," Harry replied. He kissed Michael's neck. "But I'm not the one who John comes to on how to kill people for his books."

"Fair enough," Michael agreed. "Civilian friends are adorable."

"They really are."


	121. Scholastic Endeavours

"School is hard," Mikey whined his book on top of the Bentley. "Twitch, read this and explain it to me."

"Get Jasper to do it," Twitch said from under the car.

Mikey sighed and looked at the tank that had been rolled out. "Jasper you make heads or tails of this schematic? I think it is wrong." Jasper being a turtle, did not respond. "He's got nothing. I swear Twitch, this text book is wrong."

"Can't be wrong, books are wrong." Twitch rolled out from under, oil on his cheek and his hello kitty coveralls. He sat up and looked. "What the fuck?"

"Ha! See! It swears in is the internals of a Model T, but no way." Mikey shook his head. "I hate this class, the professor sucks."

"So drop," Twitch said. "You are doing well in the rest of your classes. You'll just pick up a summer class. This one was always a for funsies class." Twitch looked at him. "Mikey?"

Mikey shrugged. "It's nothing. Mama always says don't whine just do."

"Hey you can always whine to me." Twitch went and grabbed them both a cup of tea and a lettuce leaf for Jasper. "You are worrying Jasper."

"Well part of this class is a practical component, you create a design and build."

Twitch snorted. "So? You build guidance systems for rockets inside Audis. What does your class project have to be?"

"It's not that. Apparently though it is question whether I can do the work." Mikey held up his damaged arm. "Even with the upgrades Merlin and Pilar designed me, you know how much I am struggling with fine work. Some classmates have made comments."

"Well fuck them, don't see them saving the world like you do," Twitch said.

"I don't do that. I am back to restocking the cars, changing tires and - Ow!" Mikey said as Twitch hit him up the head.

"Don't be stupid, you aren't stupid. You are the smartest person here. I've seen your damn file." Twitch went over and grabbed Mikey's tablet. "Start making your plans. I know you can do that." Twitch crossed his arms. "Talk me through it as you do it."

Mikey started slowly and sped up and Twitch was intrigued and asked questions that had Mikey thinking and adapting. "Now I just need to build it. In class. With everyone with two functioning arms working on theirs."

"You are a Kingsman, you'll make it work," Twitch said firmly. "Now let's go over to the Model T we own, so you can take photos and prove to your prof that that textbook is bullshit. Jasper wanna come along?" Twitch paused. "Oh he's singing Queen again, best leave him here."

"Sure," Mikey smiled a little.

*************************************

His schematic had received an B+ because the professor didn't think it was a feasible build but all the parts were delivered to the room where the class was working. Each student had a table with the parts for their plan. Toolkits were provided but Mikey brought his own, wanting the pieces that Pilar had adapted for his needs. He started working carefully but couldn't get the angle right and his weak arm wouldn't hold it in place. He looked to the professor for help but the professor just reminded him that he had warned Mikey the plan was too ambitious.

A few of the class snickered and Mikey kept trying.

"Ma'am?" the professor said when the door opened. One of the guys gave a low whistle and Mikey turned to look.

"Hiya, I'm Gemma, I'm here to help Mikhail," she said.

"Who?" the professor blanked for a moment. "Oh, Mikey, yes well this is their final project and -"

"And according to the school's charters of rights and disability services, Mikhail is allowed assistance in situations such as these." She handed the papers to the professor.

"You are with disability services?"

"I am here to help Mikhail, that is all that is your concern," she replied and went over to Mikey.

"You need coveralls," Mikey told her.

"I don't mind getting dirty," Gemma replied with a wink.

Mikey looked at her. "You have better things to do that this."

"Better than help you? What would that be?" she asked. She looked at the tablet and the parts. She held up the sheet of metal. "Like this?"

"Yeah," Mikey agreed. They worked together easily and she only helped when he was really stuck. He appreciated how hands off she was, never taking over, just supporting him. Like how he double checked all her equipment before she went out on a mission.

Because that is what they did for each other.

Support.

Care.

Love.

"I should have told you about the problems I was having with this class," he whispered as he tightened a screw.

"Yup," she agreed.

"How pissed are you?"

"So pissed," she said easily. "But I'll forgive you, because you got stupid. And that is a new occurrence for you. You didn't know what to do."

"I'm going to marry you one day," he said.

She snorted. "You've been saying that since our first shag."

"Doesn't make it less true."

"I know," she agreed. They finished the project and he turned it on. The robotic octopus crawled along the table and went down to the ground. It headed in the direction of the professor who cursed and climbed on top of the table.

"Sir, seems to work, guess I wasn't overly ambitious in my plans," Mikey called out. Gemma went over and picked it up and it wrapped tentacles around her arm and she kissed it.

"Can I have it as a pet? It will freak Jesse out," she said happily.

"Don't think the dogs would like it," he answered.

"True," Gemma said.

"Besides I know the perfect place for it.

Roboctopus ended up in a cage next to Jasper in the Kingsman garage.

Mikey received an A in the class.


	122. friends to lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's go way way back shall we? merlin pov of he and eggsy getting together

"Eggsy is around a lot these days," Merlin said to Harry. They had finished up their meeting about the upcoming missions and Harry had pretended to sleep through the budget talk. "He been in here too?"

Harry thought about it. "No, just the normal amount really. Checks in every day, we've had lunch a few times. Dinner once or twice. Why?"

Merlin shrugged. "He's been hanging out in my office."

"But your office is incredibly uncomfortable. And exposed." Harry thought about it. "Do you want a second real office?"

"I have one," Merlin replied. "I mostly just use it as storage. And I have the bedroom off my office."

"Where?"

"Secret panel, Harry, had it put in about 10 years ago when Chester was away for a few weeks."

"Why didn't I know about this?" Harry frowned. "I know everything about you."

"Who's my favourite singer?"

"You cheer for Arsenal and volunteer at NICUs," Harry replied.

"Nice cover." Merlin sat back in the chair. "But Eggsy has been sitting with me, often for hours."

"But you're boring when you are working. Plus how have you sneaked in playing warcraft?"

"I know! Harry my guild is panicked that I'm sick or dead," Merlin groaned. "And he sits there and chats and looks at me with those pretty eyes and -" Harry started to snicker. "What?"

"You like him."

"I like most of the people who work for us."

"You  _like_ him.  _Liiiikkkkeeee_ him."

"He is a fine lad," Merlin replied a little stiffly. "But it is odd."

"Why?" Harry asked. "You and he and Roxy bonded over your experiences. It is natural for him to want to be your friend." Harry gave him a look. "The big question is, is friendship all you want from him?"

"Why would I want more?" Merlin stood up. "Where'd ye get that eye patch?"

"Was just left on my desk."

"Hmmm." Merlin left and went back to his office. Where Eggsy was already sitting in a spare chair and playing on his phone. "Lad."

Eggsy grinned at him. "Hey bruv, your team lost last night."

"My team is very good at losing." Merlin sat at his desk and was aware of every minute of the three hours that Eggsy hung around for.

*****************************************

"Well when are you bringing your boyfriend home?" 

"Mum, I'm single," Merlin replied.

"No you aren't, you don't have to pretend with me," she said. "Now when are you bringing Eggsy to visit us? This one sounds special darling."

"Eggsy?" Merlin was honestly lost. "Why would I bring a coworker to visit?"

"Well, you have brought Harry. How's he doing by the way?"

"Fine, Mum, he loved the care package ye sent him." Merlin sighed. "But why Eggsy?"

"Because you never stop talking about him," she said easily. "Tracked it. On average of a 15 minute call, ye will mention him 6 times. Longer call and he goes up exponentially."

"I do not," Merlin said.

"Would ye like me to send you my charts? I have charts and stats."

"Of course you do, Mum. He's just a coworker."

"And I'm a natural redhead."

"I don't mention him that much," Merlin protested. "Now put Da on." He waited while the phone was passed around. "Hi, Da," he said.

"Hello Lachlan, now what did Eggsy do this time?"

"I DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM THAT MUCH!" Merlin hung up with the last thing he heard being his dad's cackling laugh.

He texted Robert,  _i don't talk about eggsy from work a lot do I_

He received eight screenshots from Robert all showing Eggsy's name

 _fuck off_ , Merlin texted back.

 _just ask the lad out before we all murder you_ , was Robert's reply.

************************************************

Bors was rambling about grenade cozies and thanking Merlin yet again and yet again Merlin was having to explain that none of this was from him. You'd think all these people would realize that knitwear was not exactly Merlin's style. But they all thought it was the new regime that was bringing out Merlin's cuddly side.

He didn't have a cuddly side.

And as Bors was rambling on and on and on and dear god why didn't Pilar rescue him. He saw a small smile on Eggsy's face. A mix of pleased and smug and pure contentment. And wasn't that interesting. And attractive.

Crap.

He just meant interesting.

Merlin started to watch Eggsy more closely after that, and ignored the pointed looks Harry gave him. He was solving a mystery dammit. He pulled up security footage and there was Eggsy sneaking everyone knit gifts. 

He was taking care of everyone.

Merlin's heart was always sunk around caregivers. They wormed in whether he wanted them to or not. And then he was a little offended that he had never received any gifts like everyone else. Even Lab Rat had received a scarf in colours of the temperature scale.

Merlin was maybe a little terse with Eggsy at his next visit. But relented when the lad looked sad. He didn't like Eggsy looking sad.

Because he liked Eggsy.

Great, he was never going to hear the end of this.

And then Eggsy got hurt on a mission. When he was home and in medical knocked out, Merlin broke into Eggsy's flat and with a little searching found what the internet had called a project bag. It had a bulldog on it. Merlin brought it to medical and worked beside Eggsy until the lad woke up. He dropped the bag onto Eggsy's lap and looked at him. He could feel the tension in Eggsy, the fear, and he couldn't understand why.

"I'm actually a little offended lad, everyone else has gotten something and I haven't?" Merlin grinned his shark like smile, "Do ye not like me lad? I mean you made Bors grenade cozies." Merlin was curious to see what Eggsy would say.

Eggsy pouted, that pout that Merlin realized he wanted to kiss away. "Been trying to figure out for months the right thing for you haven't I? Been bugging you to figure out what was perfect," Eggsy explained and Merlin's smile softened. Eggsy wanted it perfect did he? Very interesting.

"Maybe you just need to see me in a different light?" Merlin suggested. He waited for Eggsy to catch on. Dear god, let the boy catch on.

Eggsy slowly smiled as he indeed did catch on, "Maybe guv, yeah that sounds right."

Merlin nodded and left him be. He walked straight to Harry's office. "I think I may have asked Eggsy out."

"Oh thank fuck, you are finally going to date a normal human being and not an arsehole of epic proportions," Harry said. "We need to celebrate."

"It is one date, Harry," Merlin said. "It might not be anything."

"No," Harry replied and went over and cupped Merlin's face. "You know this is different. You know what this is."

Merlin let out a slow breath and touched his hand to his heart, to his lost soul tattoo. "Aye. Eggsy is different."

"You will not fuck this up."

"I can't promise that."

Harry nodded. "I won't let you fuck this up."

Merlin punched him lightly and then hugged him. "You better not. Now we should talk about Lamorak's mission." He needed to pull himself together.

"Of course," Harry agreed and they set the personal aside and focused on work.


	123. Best Woman

"It was nice of you to have us over, Graham," Michelle said. They were sitting in the kitchen having tea with the ancient Bilbo sleeping at Tristan's feet and Daisy running around outside with the dogs, while Sean and Liz chatted and watched over her. "Bit obvious though, getting everyone else outside and us in here."

"Undercover and subterfuge were never my strengths," Tristan commented. "Liz's death glare to me to actually talk to you wasn't actually that subtle."

"Well, not going to lie, I get a kick out of her ordering you about," Michelle said. Tristan gave her a calm look and Michelle blushed. "Oi, not like that, not talking the bedroom orders and all that stuff. Just saying tiny Liz in charge of you? Fun to see."

"You aren't in charge of Sean?" Tristan asked.

"No, of course not," Michelle said. She fiddled with her tea cup. "Not like that."

"Doesn't have to be like  _that_." He poured them both some more tea.

"Well...it's sort of like  _that_ sometimes," Michelle whispered and stared at the wallpaper. "Nothing like what you guys do, but he...he likes it if I am very clear what I want when we have sex. Never gets mad if I say he's doing something wrong." Michelle bit at a cuticle. "Like he were...I don't like oral," she blurted out. "Not that much, and he was doing it and I was bored and maybe yawned and he stopped and we actually talked and when I said meh, it's not my jam, that was it, and he asked what was and then it was sooooo good."

"Liz always listens to what I want to be paddled with," Tristan agreed.

"Well you have quite a collection of that stuff, paid for all the easter bunny treats it did," Michelle joked. "But if we wanted to talk about this you would have come over to my place for the usual." Usual being cuppa and a shot of gin.

"I need to talk to you about the wedding," Tristan said.

"Sure," Michelle replied easily. "Bout Daisy being the flower girl right? What sort of dress you want her in and the like?" Michelle smiled, not at all surprised Tristan was planning the wedding. If Liz did it, some bloke would marry them at her desk while she coded. "Know you got the flowers in the garden for her well enough."

Tristan shook his head and was quiet. Michelle waited, knowing that it sometimes took him a while to form the words he wanted. They sat there and drank their tea and when she looked out the window she could see Liz trying to check on them subtly. which meant she was glaring at the window. Michelle looked at the clock and realized it had been twenty minutes of silence. "Love, do you need to tell me that Daisy can't be in the wedding anymore?"

"No, I need to ask you to be my best man," Tristan replied.

"Oh," Michelle said shocked.

"Indeed," he agreed.

"Well then, take all the time you need?" Michelle offered.

"Thank you." 

Michelle started to hum the wedding march and looked at Tristan, he looked so upset that he had cocked it up and she just laughed and moved to sit beside him and hug him. Tristan leaned into the touch. "So why me?" she asked him. "Why not your hetero life mate?"

"Platonic soulmate sounds nicer," he replied. "And he is marrying us."

"That legal?"

"Merlin may be helping with the paperwork, it will be legal enough," Tristan replied. He moved his tea cup in circles. "I...Liz and I agreed that the man who held me together for so long, binding Liz and I forever and ever was rather perfect. We could never trust a stranger in an office or a church to do that for us. Silly."

"Beautiful," Michelle said. "But what about other agents, you've known them for decades."

"Because they aren't who I go to at 5am. I go to Sin. And I go to you." Tristan looked at Michelle. "Eggsy asked me to help you, and what neither of us anticipated is that it would also help me a great deal. It was an act of respect for a fellow agent who performed a great service to the world. And it gained me a friend. I don't have many personal friends."

"You have enough for you," Michelle said. "Not the social butterfly sort." She looked and him and took his hand. "God you were terrifying when you knocked on my door. And you helped me center my world, so that the core of it wasn't pain and fear. I was doing it on my own slowly, but you helped me solidify it." Michelle nodded a little. "Graham, I would be greatly honoured to be your best man."

"Thank you," he said and kissed her hand. "What would you like to wear a dress or a Kingsman suit, either will be bespoke for you, made by the tailors."

"Oooooh," Michelle paused. "I love me pretty floral dresses, that's no lie, but a Kingsman suit, just for me?" She grinned. "Wonder how Sean would react if one day I wore it no shirt underneath?"

Tristan smiled. "Very favourably, I am sure."

"Do I get to plan a bachelor party then?" Michelle asked. Her grin was wicked. "Think I could do a bang up job."

"That you and Sin may consult on," he said. "And I am fully aware I will regret this."

"Nah, we got your back, luv," she said.

Tristan smiled and kissed her head. "I know you do. Now let's go outside before Liz's stare melts the glass in the window."


	124. Cake It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> consider this sort of a sequel to chapter 80 where Sasha accidentally let a ferret loose in Eggsy's yarn room.

Sasha had adjusted to living with Merlin, Eggsy, and Daisy well enough. It was good. There was always food, and he was never cold. You couldn't get cold with all the yarn that Eggsy wrapped you in. 

Or used to wrap him in.

Since the ferret incident, Eggsy hadn't made him anything new, and he was barred from even looking into the craft room. He tried not to let it sting but when they all watched a movie together and Eggsy was knitting, Eggsy made sure the yarn was nowhere near Sasha. It wasn't like he had done it on purpose, it was a ferret.

Eggsy didn't love yarn more than him.

Sure he had been knitting since he was ten and Sasha had been there not even 18 months. And yarn's biggest trouble was a barf or shit join. He barfed too. And maybe he was just a shit join after all. He decided to go out for a while and left a note on the family board that he was having dinner at Jonesy's. Instead he rode his bike around for a while and then ate a burrito. He wanted Eggsy to like him again. Then Eggsy wouldn't decide he was too much work.

He drove around some more and then had a brilliant idea. He couldn't go to Naughty Needles and fuck the Sweetest Ewe. He quickly googled other yarn shops and found one near by. He went in and the woman sitting at the counter looked terrified. He didn't think he looked that scary. "Hi," he said. "You got Malabrago?"

"Malabrigo?" she repeated.

"Yeah, and the ummm....Japanese one? Nora? but not the wool, the garden crap." He scratched his cheek. "Crap those are the only ones I remember."

"Noro Silk Garden," she said. She stood up. "A gift?"

"Sort of," he agreed. "Dad 2. Need to apologize. Usually shop at Naughty but then they'd tell him."

She smiled. "Are you Eggsy's boy?"

"How'd you know about that?" Sasha looked at her. "Have we met?"

"No. There was a bit charity knit a few weeks back, rented hall everyone working like mad. My knitting group was next to Mrs. Carson and her boy, Eggsy, was going on and on about his son. So proud about you being a troublemaker, chip off the block. Said he's happy being Dad 2, Merlin makes a better Dad prime. Someone asked when he adopted a baby, and he laughed and said he was grateful he got you now, couldn't imagine you as a baby. Said "bet my Sasha never slept a wink, woulda driven us spare. Rather have the teen years where he never stops sleeping. Fun to rig ways to wake him up."

"Water gun, yesterday," he said. "I need to buy yarn to make him like me again."

"Oh sweetie, parents can get endlessly frustrated by their children but they always love them."

"No, they don't," Sasha replied. "I have...60 pounds what can I get?"

"A bunch, I'm having a sale on some things that should suit." She lied and sent him home with double what he could afford.

He rode the bike home and kept the yarn in the saddle bags. He walked in and Eggsy was in the kitchen. "Hey, you eat enough? We have leftovers."

"Yeah, I'm good." He looked at Eggsy. "Hey, Eggsy?" 

"What up?"

"Why'd you look sad there?" Sasha asked. "It was a blink and it was gone, but you were sad."

"Nothing, just something with work. A cuppa?" 

"No, going to my room."

"Oh, sure," Eggsy said. "We're watching a movie tonight?"

"I'm good."

"You said," Eggsy nodded a little. "Cool. Well I'll leave you be then."

Sasha went up to his room and closed the door. He could hear them all laughing and wanted to join them but he needed to fix this first. In the morning he faked like he was going to school and when he was sure the house was empty he went back home. He took the bag of yarn and made sure his hands were clean, the prosthetic always attracted dirt and went carefully into the craft room. He went to the wall where the swift and winder were and carefully began to wind the skeins into cakes. Eggsy had a small pile that he hadn't gotten to yet and Sasha did those as well. He looked at the shelves on the wall and carefully as if he was holding the most delicate glass began to add the yarn to the wall. Eggsy seemed to have reorganized by weight so he did the best he could but he could not tell the difference between sport and DK.

He had the last cake in place and smiled. Maybe Eggsy would forgive him, now that the wall was a little fuller again.

"Alexander," Eggsy said softly from the door. "What are you doing?"

Sasha turned and looked at him. "You've been calling me Alexander, but Sasha is for family."

"You've been calling me Eggsy, not Dad 2," Eggsy pointed out.

"I ruined your yarn."

"A ferret ruined it," Eggsy replied. He moved into the room.

"I brought the ferret in," Sasha said. He looked at the wall. It was still so empty. "He ruined lots."

"I had lots to ruin," Eggsy said. "Merlin gives me so much shit for how much I have."

"His gaming laptop is really pimped out." Sasha shrugged. "You stopped making me stuff."

"Oh baby," Eggsy said. "I made you 8 hats in two months. And scarves. 5 scarves. Figured I was mothering you too much."

"I like the hats."

"I'll make you a hundred," Eggsy said.

"You were just..."

"You too," Eggsy said. "Sasha," he deliberately put a lot of weight on the word. "We're still trying to figure out how to be a family, which means we fuck up. Means I fuck up, because I was trying to give you space, figured I had been overwhelming you."

"Everyone's always given me space, nice to not have so much space." Sasha looked at the wall. "I tried to make it better."

"You didn't have to make it better, you just had to be you," Eggsy said. He looked at the additions. "You bought some good shit. Mrs. Carson doesn't have that colorway."

"Yarn on the Go," Sasha said. "Don't worry I didn't go to the Sweetest Ewe."

"Good," Eggsy said. "They would have treated you miserably." Eggsy stepped forward. "Going to hug you now okay?"

"Whatever," Sasha said but he leaned towards Eggsy and hugged back once Eggsy's arms were around him. "I'm sorry about the ferret poop."

"I know, you said," Eggsy replied. "And I'm sorry for making you think this changed how I felt about you. Bruv, you are stuck with us, no matter how many ferrets destroy my yarn. Hell, I'll go buy a ferret and let it loose in here if that helps."

"I do not want a ferret as a pet. The dogs are good."

"Yeah, JB the second gets in enough yarn as it is." Eggsy stepped back. "Now, Sasha, shall we talk about how busted you are for ditching school today and being so obvious about it that even Daisy noticed?"

"Uhhhh...patching up our familial relations to create a harmonious living environment negates me missing maths don't you think?"

"I really really don't," Eggsy replied. "I'll call in that you were sick though. And we'll figure out a punishment later. Wanna go get food?"

"Yeah, I could use some new eyeliner too, Dad 2," Sasha said.

"To the mall then," Eggsy replied and dragged him out.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Phil Coulson: Agent of Shield (and Avid Knitter)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6521536) by [Hapalochlaena_16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hapalochlaena_16/pseuds/Hapalochlaena_16)
  * [Stealing is wrong, isn't it?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12800196) by [Dravni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dravni/pseuds/Dravni)




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